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« on: October 25, 2007, 11:32:05 AM »
After the failed escape Marie Antoinette writes to Axel on 7 December 1791:”It is absolutely impossible for you to come here now; it would endanger our safety, and if I say this, you must believe me, as I have an extreme desire to see you”.
Their last meeting took place in the Tuileries Palace on 13 February 1792. “Monday 13, Went to the Queen; took my usual route; afraid of the National Guard; her quarters wonderful. Stayed there. Tuesday 14, saw the King at six in the evening”.
After the Queen’s excecution, the news reaches Axel in Brussels on 20 October 1793. He writes in his Journal: “Though I was prepared for it and expected it since the transfer to the Conciergerie, I was devastated by the reality. I did not have the strength to feel anything. I went out to talk about this misfortune with my friends and Madame de Fitz-James and the Baron de Breteuil, whom I did not find. I wept with them, especially with Madame de Fitz-James… I thought about her constantly, about all the horrible circumstances of her sufferings, of the doubt she might have had about me, my attachment, my interest. That thought tortured me. Then I felt all that I was losing in so many different ways: feeling, interest, existence, everything was joined in her and all lost… I even had moments of distaste for Eleanore. It was not the same feeling, that consideration, that care, that tenderness…”.
On 21 October 1793 he writes in his Journal: “I could only think of my loss. The fact that she was alone in her last moments, without consolation, with no one to talk to, no one to whom she could give her dying wishes, it is horrifying. What monsters from hell! No, without revenge, never will my heart be content.”
He writes to his sister Sophie on the same day: “She for whom I lived, since I have never ceased to love her, she I loved so much, for whom I would have given a thousand lives, is no more. Oh my God! Why overwhelm me thus, what have I done to deserve your wrath? She is no more. My pain is indescribable and I do not know how I can go on living; I do not know how I can bear my suffering. It is extreme and nothing will ever erase it. She will always be present in my memory and to always weep for her; Everything is over for me my dear friend”.
On 24 October 1793: “Her image, her sufferings, her death and my feeling are always present in my head, I can think of nothing else”.
On 26 October 1793: ”Every day I think about it, and every day my sorrow increases. Every day I am even more aware of all that I have lost”.
On 5 November 1793: “Oh, how I blame myself for my wrongs toward her, and how I know now that I loved her. Eleanore will never replace her in my heart. What gentleness, what tenderness, what kindness, what care, what a loving sensitive, tactful heart!”.
A year later he writes: “This day was a memorable and terrible day for me. It is the day I lost the person who loved me most in the world and who truly loved me”.