Author Topic: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .  (Read 147630 times)

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Douglas Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #15 on: April 09, 2004, 12:13:34 AM »
Dear Rodger, Anna, Jane, Naaotma -  

As for my application to be Tsar I forgot to mention my best qualification to be Tsar.  That being - I am not Russian [ I am part German].  How's that for points?

A bribe you say?  Goodness gracious, I wouldn't think of such a low thing.  That's  outrageous!  I only offer what is availlable in the vast and well stocked Imperial accounts.

Maybe you feel I should have offered you, Rodger, a special place  at Court.  I offer you my humble apology.  What is it, Sir, that you desire?

Yes, that little dog is just fine, Naaotma.  I can add my black russian cat to the cast.  I call him the Imperial cat.

Anna, oh yes, I have nice eyes but I don't smoke or drink. But I could have a little sip of wine now and then just for old times sake.

Jane...we definately need your wonderful talent for fixing up the palaces.  Forget the budget, we can do it up in whatever style you like.  Just as long as it conforms to Imperial standards.  

As for the vodka.  You are so naughty, Jane, but you do have my vote for high and noble position.

BTW, my first order of Imperial business may be to put an end to that pesky Claimant Committee.   I want the Committee members  to be sure to pack some warm clothes.  I'll leave it at that of you get my drift.

Lastly, no members of Anna Anderson's family are to ever come to the front door of the palace.  I'll see them in the kitchen by the backdoor, if you don't mind.

Warm regards  for all who aspire to summer cruises on our new yacht,
, Douglas  

Offline Jane

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2004, 04:34:06 PM »
Anybody that picks me over Douglas gets rewarded with Fauxberge baubles and chocolate Easter bunnies once I am on the throne.  ;D

Furthermore, my new Five-Year Plan (OK, a bit of historical cross-pollination here) will be put into immediate effect, wherein the working week is reduced from five days to four days (but salaries/pay are increased).

The capital will henceforth be known as Janegrad.  

Reality television will be banned.  

Jane






Offline Reed

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2004, 05:39:29 PM »
Jane -
Set the rest of us up as the GD's and we can do "Trading Spaces" in the palaces.  Do you think a $1,000 will fix up a room in the AP??  I think I'm decended from the family that escaped to England.  The ones that came over on the Mayflower.

Offline Reed

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2004, 05:45:12 PM »
P.S.  My GGGrandmother was a German princess...what was her name???......Alex...Alice....Alexandra!!!   ;D

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2004, 06:15:45 PM »
Because the Committe is being inundated with claims, for handling and filing purposes, the Claimant Committee would like to remind claimants that some evidence beyond personal testament are useful.  

Please include physical evidence with your application.  

Thank you.
WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.

Offline Jane

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2004, 06:19:50 PM »
Reed, my good and loyal subject, consider this your investiture as a Grand Duke.  

Your first duty is to make sure that no one paints the Jordan staircase (in my Janegrad pied-a-terre, the Winter Palace) black.  If you succeed in this, I shall, in my magnanimity, reward you with a canal-side palace of your very own, a genuine set of Ginsu knives, and an original recording of the opera "Nixon in China."

Jane


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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #21 on: April 09, 2004, 06:23:02 PM »
Quote
...the Claimant Committee would like to remind claimants that some evidence beyond personal testament are useful...


My good fellow,  I merely refer you to subsection 332(b)(4) of the Swizzlestick Amendment to the Jabberwocky Convention.

Ithankyouverymuch.  cue: curtsey

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Jane »

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2004, 07:24:20 PM »
In light of the recent submission of an Administrative Protest, the Claimant Committee shall recess to take the Protest under advisement.

Several members are concerned that the Protest amounts to an obfuscation couched in some incomprehensible legalese, while the remaining members seem to believe there is some validity to the Protest, under the sections cited by the petitioner.

The Committee therefore recesses until further notice.
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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2004, 08:26:25 PM »
The Committee however, requires fiduciary compensation for efforts expended on the petitioner's behalf to date. Small bills  of US currency or Euro's accepted in non-sequential serial numbers.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by admin »

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2004, 10:03:47 PM »
Jane, how about co-ruling? It was done in Russia--I believe Sophia stood behind her brother Ivan and whispered to him--and I would not be adverse to a double throne. Janetgrad scans rather nicely, and besides, I wholeheartedly agree that our first ukase should be a banning of reality TV. The second ukase: In the tradition of Ekaterina the Great, easy access to the most "promising" soldiers!   ::)

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2004, 11:33:03 PM »
The Claimant Committee is disappointed that thus far, it appears that there is a paucity of serious Romanov Family Claimants applying here.

From our perspective, we believe that it is even possible that some applicants may be taking advantage of this opportunity we have graciously offered serious Romanov Claimants to put forward their claim and evidence, and are perhaps parodying this serious opportunity.

We therefore ask for serious Romanov Family Claimants only apply here.

Your cooperation is appreciated.

The Claimant Committee.
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Douglas Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #26 on: April 09, 2004, 11:34:52 PM »
Dear Claimants and that Committee.........

Jane, why not let's just reduce the work week from five days to five hours!

Janegrad, you say?  How about St. Peter & Janeburg?  Doen't that have a nice ring to it?

Ginsu Knives? That's a nice touch!

Glad to hear that the  Committee is in recess...and not a moment too soon.

And, oh I see .... Admin suggests, rather crudely may I add, that the claimants put some Euros  into the picture.   My oh my, and I was so foolish to think that the 'mordita' had finally vanished.  Such a foolish thought.  Some Imperial traditions just will not go away.  Not  to worry...some coins of the realm will be sent by  dogsled immediately.


Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #27 on: April 10, 2004, 06:47:52 PM »
Following an executive session of the Claimant Committee with it's legal representatives, the Committee rejects the legal claim brought forth earlier in the week.

However, if you are dissatisfied with this result, you are allowed the opportunity to appeal this decision, provided that you reply in a timely manner as specified below.

To appeal a Claimant Committee decision, please wire $995.00 to the Committee's anonymous numbered account in the Grand Cayman Islands within 72 hours of receiving the rejection.  Please contact one of the board moderators as shown above for specific routing numbers.

Thank you, and we regret any inconvenience this decision may cause.

The Claimant Committee.
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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #28 on: April 10, 2004, 06:57:55 PM »
Seconded and carried.

Douglas Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #29 on: April 12, 2004, 01:40:45 PM »
Dear and Glorious Committee Members;

You suggest that I am not serious in my application to be the Tsar of all the Russias.  Excuse me, your highnesses, I am very serious.

Although I own my own business and am very busy with my profession ,  I would give it all up for the Throne of Russia.

My only condition is that the Alexander Palace be fixed up and that leaky roof be repaired.  Some of it was repaired recently but there is more left to do.  We don't need rain dripping on important state papers.

Also, I would request that the Tsar's Turkish bath be repaired and maybe a shower installed.

I would be a kind and gentle Tsar.  None of that "do this and do that" sort of thing.