Author Topic: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .  (Read 153418 times)

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Offline Forum Admin

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #30 on: April 12, 2004, 01:47:22 PM »
We realize that you are serious,
However, this thread is intended for those who claim descent from the last Imperial family. Send your qualifications as Tsar to the Russian people and let them decide for themselves!
This Committee is to review the claims of purported Romanovs, not really those who wish to pretend to the throne.
Your eagerness for the job is appreciated though.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by admin »

Offline anna

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #31 on: April 12, 2004, 02:21:31 PM »
I thought our jester Valmont would pop upon us here. The Claimant Commitee musn't look surprised if he's already crowned himself Tsar. He sits on his throne making fools out of us. It looks all rather suspicious, where is he ??? ??? ???

Anna
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Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Offline Ilana

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #32 on: April 12, 2004, 07:14:49 PM »
Hey, NAAOTMA,
Wrong, hello, excuse me.... my dog is actually the reincarnation of Grand Duchess Anastasia Nicolaivna... so there....She CAN prove it, but sadly, she can't talk.
So long and thanks for all the fish

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #33 on: April 12, 2004, 08:32:05 PM »
I agree, Anna--I, too, am wondering where "Uncle" Valmont is.  Speak to us, sir!

And before I go into the "main" portion of this message, I should admit that everytime I see FA's photo post, I go into convulsions.

But seriously, gang, there are some folks out there who believe in and/or have pondered various family legends, and it just may be that some of the folks visiting us do have a valid claim of some kind . . . if no more than a shirttail relation to an associate of NAOTMAA. (Which would actually be very interesting in itself.)  Those who do post here need to know that we have gone through hoops with other "claiments." But, if someone appears sincere and follows the rules, let's hear him/her out, okay?   :)

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #34 on: April 12, 2004, 09:26:03 PM »
The Claimant Committee recognizes that some people are having difficulty perfecting their claims, for any of a number of reasons.  

One of the main reasons is that they are having difficulty understanding or following the otherwise simple rules put forward by the committee.  

To help individuals, and in some cases, groups, perfect their claim in the format required here, the Claimant Committee is pleased to announce that it has reached an agreement with Spoof U.  

Spoof U. offers college credit for your efforts in perfecting your claim, leading to a bachelor's or master's degree in Romanovology.  

Your experiences with following instructions, writing your claim, and learning from scientists why your DNA doesn't stand a permafrost's chance in an Ekaterinburg summer of actually matching any published value, is deemed by the Board of Director's of Spoof U. as sufficient for passing their rigorous degree requirements.  

Please contact the forum moderators as seen above for financial aid details, as well as any pre-requisites, although we are sure your life experiences will suffice.

Thank you,

The Claimant Committee.
WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.

NAAOTMA

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #35 on: April 12, 2004, 11:11:33 PM »

"Ortino the Second" will be most pleased to sniff out any possiblity that the previously mentioned canine is indeed the reincarnation of GD Anastasia...

After all, some smells, like some things and some people... never change.  Most Sincerely, Melissa K. AKA NAAOTMA

P.S. Perhaps Spoof U. has an evening program for canines and their humans.

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #36 on: April 14, 2004, 08:09:15 PM »
The moderators are pleased to announce the publication of a new book about the Romanovs.

It will be entitled: The Romanovs: the Absolutely, Positively Final Chapter (we think) about the Fate of at least several Members of the Last Imperial Family of Russia.  

It will be published by Wile E. Coyote Scientific Publishers through it's ACME special history house.

This book will have such special features as

*  a behind the scenes look at the Soviet Archives and Calligraphy Shop.

*  Those special permafrost resistant trees that only grow in Southern Siberia near the Kazakstan border.

*  Interviews with people who know something about the Romanovs.

*  Interviews with people who think they are the Romanovs.

So run, don't walk, to your nearest bookseller and buy this book!
WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.

Douglas Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #37 on: April 14, 2004, 09:31:34 PM »
Dear Claimants Committee and Loyalists to the Throne of Russia:

The Committee suggested that I take my claim to the Imperial Throne directly to the people of Russia.  That is a great idea.

So, today I emailed  President Putin at the Kremlin.  His address ends in 'ru'...that means 'russia'.  His secretary mailed right back that the Mr. Putin would be happy to see me in his official office in the near future. He did say that no press would be allowed to take photos of the meeting as it was not usual for him to meet with people that desire to be  Tsar. We all remember what happened last time.

Also, to put things into proper perspective I mailed back to Mr. Putin a photo of myself in my Tsarist uniform so that he would see that I am serious.  After all, it worked when George Washinton attended the Continental Congress way back when, so why not try it again.  The Kremlin secretary  thinks I look 'snappy' in my Tsarist garb.

I decided not to wear the Imperial Crown as he might think that was a little pushy for right now.

I'll keep you all informed as things progress.........

NAAOTMA

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #38 on: April 15, 2004, 09:41:52 PM »
Dear Tsar Doug,

Just remember to NEVER sign anything while you are on a train, and things should go okay with Mr. Putin. Sincerely, Melissa K. & Ortino II

Doug Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #39 on: April 15, 2004, 11:57:17 PM »
Dearest Melissa, your newly minted Imperial Highness:

Thank you for your good wishes on my journey to Russia to meet with Mr. Putin.

What to pack for the long trip?  Maybe I should take a little gift for Mrs. Putin.  How about some loose diamonds in a little velvet bag.  

Also, Melissa, let me know if you want to go along on the journey.  Do you have some proper royal type clothes? Ortino is welcome to go with us also.

I don't intend to sign any Imperial Documents on a train while it is standing still.   I understand that it is OK if it is moving.

DH  


NAAOTMA

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #40 on: April 17, 2004, 12:05:36 PM »
Dear Tsar Doug,

When I mentioned your kind invitation to attend the meeting with Mr. Putin, Ortino II hid under the sofa and refused to come out. So I must very regretfully decline the invitation. Another salient point is that my pearls are being restrung at this time,  and I would not want to embarass the new Imperial Court by appearing at less than my best at the historic meeting.  Merci beaucoup for the title by the way. It will go over big with my book club. And the loose diamonds in a small bag sound just right as a gift for Mr. Putin. Maybe his gift to you will be his memoirs of the KGB...again, thank you, Gracious Wannabee Majesty...Melissa K. & Ortino II

Doug Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #41 on: April 18, 2004, 06:38:37 PM »
Dear I.H. Melissa K. and loyal courtiers:

What to say...I am sad that Ortino II declined to go to Moscow and meet Mr. & Mrs. Putin.  Maybe the Imperial cat Coal can stand in for Ortino.  

I am a bit concerned that Mr. Putin suggested that we pay a visit the chambers at the Peter & Paul Fortess where former Tsars were imprisoned.  Do you think he may be trying to send me a message?  Just wondering.

Doug

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #42 on: April 18, 2004, 09:46:01 PM »
The Claimant Committee is pleased to announce the 2004-2005 Men of the Romanov Imperial Family Swim Calendar.

Yes, these fabulous photos of your Romanov faves, along with their military buddies, in various scintilating action poses is yours for only $19.95.

Must be 21 to order.  Void in areas where illegal.  Visa or Mastercard accepted.

WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #43 on: April 18, 2004, 10:31:24 PM »
I'm channeling Anastasia right now . . . she says she wants . . . royalties?!   :-*

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #44 on: April 18, 2004, 10:33:08 PM »
 :)
WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.