Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .

Dear Princess Pinkish Person, what a brilliant piece of advice. If I can tear myself away from these Bavarian lederhosen-clad dancers, I shall construct an entire manifesto of my new 'ism.'
I toyedwith Catholicism but thought perhaps that would be what all the candidates would choose; I then went through schism, alcoholism & prisms, but I've finally opted for 'coolism' . The next Popette must be the coolest ever - it's what the congregations want.
Now, knowing how cool you are in your pretty pink palazzo, I'd be greatful for any cool   advice. I considered changing mitres for baseball caps but they're rather passe now, I fear...what is the latest head gear for cool dude popettes in Monaco?

Yours with a blessing,
Lady Cool Cardinale of Bavaria (climbing up the greasy pole towards the Vatican) Redtoria  

Dearest Lady Bluetoria
What are they, my precious, that I spy with my little blue eye??? More pairs of my sunglasses??? mmmm

Now, in developing your portfolio of "isms" I dont really think you can afford to leave out Catholicism, dahhling it will be your main call to fame, so to speak. What you need to do, is build up the "isms" from there. Alcholism, prisms, sexism, theftism ( ie sunglasses), communism, you know any of the above is good for the Popess Position.
Now then "coolism" not bad, but how cool can you be wearing silly long robes and too tall hats? Even if they are now red? Speaking of red, will you be attending the ball as Little Red Riding Hood?( you see, I am always thinking of you, you get to keep wearing red, and silly robes and hats!!!) It is a German fairytale, so should keep your new Bavarian friends happy.

Now, perhaps you need a designer for your robes, its what another famous religious person in the family did long long ago did, and she always looked fantastic!
Really dahhling, I can only offer advice on pink things, so you see I have tunnel vision and you hate pink, sadly. :-/

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink  ( all shades)

Dear Pinkness, you don't happen to have Nesterov's email address do you - I could have new robes made overnight! Brilliant idea - thank you so much!
Of course I shall be delighted to attend the fancy dress do - my only problem is whom to bring with me as the wolf. After all, when I'm wandering through the woods I shall be quite defenceless. Should some great wolf come along with huge manly paws   & such stong limbs   I'll be entirely at his mercy (& of course I'll be far too proud to shout for help) so I really will have to make sure I pick the right person for the job.
Phew, I'm quite exhausted now, even at the the thought of it. I had better go and lie down in a darkened room   (oops...where did they come from!

Flagging blessings,
L. B. C. R.

My Dear Lady Redtoria
You must be a brunette, as I am your smart blonde friend who just happens to have all the clever strategies for you to follow to further your chosen career!
Now, about the wolf, has it occured to you that you should ask your Bavarian friend, the Pope? After all, he may have an EGG of a time! He could dress in his robes and silly hat and we would all think he was your Grandmother, but, wait, my oh my, underneath those long long robes he would really be the wicked wolf!
There you go, Little Red Riding Hood all sewn up!

Nestererov's email address is in your email, have fun, maybe some grey with the red perhaps?

Yours Cheerfully
Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink

Dougie dearie,

All for now.....Tsar Doug .....receiving daily reports from  GD Anna  

Really? But not today

Anna

Dearest Duchess Anna of  South Fork:

Dougie dearie,


Really? But not today

Anna

This is an outrage of the most heinous kind.  Some  scoundrel is using your name and sending me Top Secret Reports on how I should maneuver my toy soldiers on the floor of the Red Salon.

I'll  get to the very bottom of this if it takes until tomorrow.

Tsar D. ....battle plans in jeopardy

Dear Tsar Doug--

I too am shocked--shocked, I tell you. To think that someone has been impersonating our very own Spy / Grand Duchess Anna . . . well, it is too too awful for words.  

Zounds, we must capture the bounder. And to think these erroneous missives have placed your very own toy soldiers in grievious danger. I hope G.D. Anna hunts this person down with cloak and dagger.

****

Now, as to the party planning . . .

Noticing the prediliction of another thread, how's about we all come as our favorite character in Gone with the Wind? I, of course, will appear as Scarlett O'Hara. If I recall correctly, she was at least six feet tall.  

This party will be all the more exciting because, as you know, I'll be retreating to a convent soon afterwards.

As for my mysterious past, Tsar Doug, that will be revealed to you all in good time. But now 'tis time to leave my current abode and perform a few errands.  Have just put on my "Here Comes Trouble" tee-shirt that one of the 'torias sent me (was it Pinktoria? Redtoria? Bluetoria? Pucetoria?) and must run. Which, considering my huge feet and capacity to outrace a cheetah, is really something to see.

BTW, I understand that a certain mama is hoping to win custody of her two royal sons, Prince Michael I and Prince Michael II. I wonder, as Claimants, should we lend her our support and be present in court tomorrow?

The slightly litigious

GD/GP Janet
a.k.a. Bigfoot

Dearest friends,

My Dear Grandest Duchess Janet,
After consultation with my Friend ( my personal Holy Man) I must decline the Costume / Kostum Ball if it is to be a "Gone With The Wind Theme". He says I could not partake in such a gathering as Gone With The Wind has unpleasant undercurrants, and I must agree, I would NEVER want to be gone with the wind!!!

And what would Lady redtoria tell her new date??? Would he want to be gone with the wind? He only just got there, so I think he would prefer to be the Big Bad Wolf at the fairy tale theme, as he is a Bavarian after all. The entire thought may give him an eggflip!

Well, if you didnt want to be Alice in Wonderland you could have just said so.... What about you come as Cinderella with glass slippers? That way you get to leave at midnight missing a shoe but a Prince will surely follow?


Think about it
Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink



And as an afterthought, Grand Duchess, have you no respect for our hair dos, I mean I have such long straight hair that I have no desire for its style on the night to be "gone with the wind"!!!!!

Dear Pink Lady:

Why fiddle-de-dee, how you do run on!

Howevah, Ah do undahstand yore concerns about the ha-rah. But as fo' the unpleasant undahcurrents--why Sugah, don you know these pahties are allllll about unpleasant undahcurrents? They begin with the premise that evrathin's gonna be jes' so much fuuuun. But afta awhile the love triangles form, the trysts begin, and the undahcurrents are in full force. Dumplin', it's sooo much fun--lak blockade-runnin'!

As for moi being Cinderella--well, how do you think a six foot tall GD/GP would look traipsing around in glass slippers? Besides, I don't think my in-proportion tootsies could fit into one of those glass slippers.  (Or even two of them.) I'd probably shatter the first slipper I tried on. Which would mean glass cuts, an ambulance, a doctor sewing up the gashes, and . . .

Wait a mo'. A young, handsome doctor sewing up the cuts on my feet. And, of course, my toenails perfectly manicured, and I'm wearing my favorite diamond toe ring.



Okay, Pink, I'm your Cindy!

The Bibbity Bobbity Boo

GD/GP Janet

Dear Pinkcess Prin,

Benny simply will not do as the big bad wolf. Not only is he far too old, but he has so many responsibilities now & it wouldn't do his reputation any good at all to be loitering with a defenceless lady cardinal among the shady pines. Could you (being so blonde & sensible) possibly suggest another wolf for me?

GD Janet's vast experience of lupine lurkers would certainly come in useful & it's the least she can do in return for the 3-pack of 'Here Comes Trouble' T-shirts I sent. I wouldn't even object to one of her cast-off chappies if she thinks he'd make a good (or rather, wicked )wolf...the only trouble is, I imagine with all that wild dancing she does, they're probably too exhausted to go a-prowling by moonlight.

I'd ask GD Anna but she has a habit of sending eunachs who are....well, basically, no use whatsoever to a defenceless lady cardinal lost in the woods at the dead of night & far to frightened to shout for help....

Tsar Doug's palace is probably full of suitable candidates but they're all gorged on eggs & I fear may developing weight problems.   :-/

So it's down to you, Pinky! I trust you could spare someone....only, please, don't have him dress in pink - how could anyone be thrilled oops, frightened, by a pink wolf?

Please see what you can do. In the meantime, the Vatican tailor is not only designing new cardinal clothes but he's sewing a perfect little red hood onto my vestments!

Toodle pip! The matin bells are ringing!
Lady Cardinale of Bavaria Redtoria  

Dearest Lady redtoria

My oh my oh my, some people are just never happy! I mean it would have done you good to be noticed by the Vatican Set on a date with the Bavarian, but oh well, ok you can have Pete as the big bad wolf.
There

Now, Grandest Duchess Janet, what's this I hear, Lady Redtoria is now providing you with the Tee shirts with my special motto for you??? mmmmm very well then, dear, but so glad you want to be Cindy! I told you, good things come to those who wait!
And where is our precious Shvibzik, and our new Imperial Princess Lexi? I hope the wind has not blown them away to Siberia!

Now, if Grand Duchess Anna and Tsar Dougie, and all the missing in action Royals can decide which fairy character they'll be ...........
Things can be finalised for the big night!


Cherio cherubs

Princess Pink
Her Pinkish Highness

Dearies,

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is impersonating Anna queen of the ball?

Borders closed and windows locked,
hide yourself or you get knocked!
Come forward and reveal,
otherwise you meet a piece of steel.
Hereby I recall,
we cannot allow doubles at the ball.

Who is this Baba Yaga?

Anna

Dear All,

  Well, when I thought this would be another ordinary vacation from my vacation, I wake up one morning and the maid at the Winter Palace refuses to fetch me my breakfast (Dorito's and gelato, of course )!  She shoved a duster into my hands, and drug me to the main hall where the paintings are.  She demanded me to started dusting them, but I shoved that duster right back at  her and asked her who she thought she was for demanding I become a common maid.  Then she said something terribly shocking: "Because your auntie and Mr. GI have assigned you to it,".  I nearly fainted, which wasn't really much of a shock to anyone.  Pushing the duster back to me, she stomped off and left me to the paintings.  
  Later, some maid girl, wearing my blings , strode into the hall where I was dusting and pointed out that I missed a spot.  Judging from her looks, she must've been the plump lady that gave me the duster.  When I moved to another room, I noticed there were some crumbs on her face.  
  While cleaning my duster a few days later, a younger girl, as ugly as the other, so they must be sisters, came out to the garden.  She was holding a gallon of gelato, and informed me that the previously dusted paintings needed dusting again.  Then she asked for me to fetch her some more gelato, handing me the licked-clean gallon.  
 When it came time for me to leave, I hadn't even gotten to the other half of the palace.  When I went to my room to pack, I found half of my outfits and gowns missings, as well as some of my bling blings.  Terribly upset that (a)Georgiy had no blings hidden whatsoever and (b) Therefore I could not replace my stolen blings; I tearfully packed my few belongings and went to get whatever ride Georgiy had readied for me.
 It turns out he became so wrapped up in his aviator classes, that he forgot all about me going back to Tsarskoe Selo and didn't book even a taxi!  So I sat outside for some time, waiting, until finally giving up, went to fetch Camilla my camel.  
  The poor dear had been deprived from her snacks due to my enslavery, and was stumbling around, crying out for Cookies-n-Cream.  I managed to climb one of the trees, slide on her read bridle and throw on her read blanket on her back, and jump on.  She was startled at first, but as soon as I slid inbetween the two humps on her back, I managed to get ahold of her.
  So, there I went, traveling from the Winter Palace back to Tsarskoe Selo on my camel, my neck bare without the blings, and dust-filled clothes.  The ride was terribly uncomfortable, and I got sick many times on the way.  Whoever named camels the ships of the desert wasn't joking.
   I recieved many looks, and a man with a scraggly beard, a tunic, and a heavy Middle Eastern accent mistook me for some Middle-eastern girl and tried to get me to smuggle a machine gun and go with him somewhere.  I asked him why, and he said he had his reasons, and that it must be kept a secret.  Obviously he didn't know that I am terrible at keeping secrets.  Later on the way, I saw a newspaper stand and it had a man that I looked excactly like him.  I couldn't make out the name, because the newspaper man shooed Camilla away after she took quite an enormous dump on the sidewalk.  
  So, Camilla and I drove on, camping on the sides on highways, peoples yards, and the island things in the middle of the highways.  We caused many traffic jams, and some close-accidents.  Why someone couldn't see a camel dressed in red and feathers sticking up on her head beats me. :-/
  Finally we made it home, but hardly anyone recognized me.  While I was walking up the stairs, Princess Lexi saw me and yelled for someone to come quick, it's that girl off of the news that was riding the camel on the highway.  I ran upstairs, so no one saw me, and took a shower.  When I came down for dinner, everyone was surprised and wondered when I came in.  I told them I was practicing my spying techniques.
  So, as you can see, I would be a much better qualifier for Cinderella for this ball that has popped up during my absence.  If you don't mind, Auntie Janet, that I take your handsome surgeon.  But perhaps I won't need one...?
  Well, Princess Lexi, I had no idea you came from Siberia.  Then I suppose you've heard of my parents and I?  Tell me, they haven't been secretly filming me and keeping the public informed on my whereabouts, have they?
 Dearie, look at the time!  I must be getting back to my letter to Duchess Camilla up in England.  I am writing her to tell her how my camel has been named after her, because of the striking resemblance.  I also mentioned to her my camels odd favor of corn...

Until next time,
Shvibi

P.S.  Auntie Anna, I am shocked by you being impersonated!  I wonder who is behind it...

Hi all,
I have been so busy with the remodling at Gatchina, I havev barely had time to breath.
Pinklady, thank you for the t-shirts, I am wearing them with pride. Because of your kindness, I have had the workers paint one wing of the palace in pink.
I'm confused about the theme. Are were fairy tale characters? Or GWTW? So many decisions.
Shvibi, I am so relieved to know you have finally discovered what your parents are up too. You have no idea how I wanted to tell you. I snuck into their room last night and took all the films which I have mailed to you. Maybe we can watch them at the ball. So sorry to hear of the problems you are having with your servants. Good help is hard to find these days.
Auntie Janet, I have taken the liberty to send you a gift. I have sent you five eunichs to cater to your every whim. I figure you need a break from all the Cossacks. I included several cartons of vodka as well.
Doug,
I have had a fabulous throne installed for you at Gatchina. It was importanted all the way from America. I found it at a quaint little chain over there called Wal-Mart. I spare no expense for your comfort. It is made of finest porcelain money can buy. I hope you will be pleased. It has a bowl on the back. I plan to fill it with vodka just for you.

Okay, I know who sent me the eunuchs . . . but just who the heck sent me the sturgeon wearing the stethoscope? Ha ha, very funny, you anonymous claimant madcap, you!  

Actually, I think we'd better reserve our energies to find out just who is impersonating GD Anna. And is the real Anna the rhyming Anna . . . or is it the faux Anna who rhymes?

BTW, that reminds me of a little ditty I used to boogaloo to . . . . Anna Anna bo-banana . . . .  

The Still All-Singing, All-Dancing

GD/GP Janet  

plus

A Sturgeon called Wanda