Author Topic: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants  (Read 146226 times)

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Offline Janet_W.

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #330 on: December 03, 2007, 07:30:41 PM »
True, true . . . for awhile I noticed tremendous participation from the younger generation of Imperial Claimants, but in recent months they appear to have vanished into the mists of time. Such a pity, for we can always use fresh bluebloods around here--not in a vampirian sense, I hasten to add, but to add to the merriment of our jolly little group. And while 'tis true that many consider me Forever Young, at some point in time--no no, dear hearts, I can take it--even yours truly, the Imperial Claimant GD/GD Janet will be [gasp!] "a woman of a certain age." Yes yes . . . all six feet of me! So perhaps we should start recruiting. Any ideas, my fellow aging ones?

GD/GP J

Offline Greenowl

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #331 on: December 04, 2007, 08:17:23 AM »
But when the Green Owl claimant appeared a few months ago it was duly divested of its delicate green plumage (and pellets) and never heard of again, having apparently vanished into the mists of some distant corner of the empire. One trembles to imagine the fate of that regal creature.

Offline Valmont

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #332 on: December 04, 2007, 10:24:14 AM »
That green Owl was a mystery. One day she was at Tsarkoe Selo and the next day in a bridge somewhere beyond the old Iron curtain. Which by the way, I always thought it was very tacky and lacked personality. I never saw it but I’m sure it must have been all rust and no glimmer. Nothing compared with the gold ones I’m planning to set at my new 10 x 20 palace in Puntazul.
But back to subject. I agree with my dear niece GD/GP Janet. The days where Mystery, Intrigue and  swapping babies theories involving High profile royals where the bread and butter of this forum, the days filled with mystery where DNA experts wannabes with hidden agendas posted under different names are long gone and this thread has gone from a drama, betrayal and intrigue soap opera to a family sitcom. (It must have been the writers strike). We need to come up with a more invigorating plot people !!!!

Truly yours,
Tsar Valmont…. The nostalgic.
Arturo Vega-Llausás

Offline lexi4

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #333 on: December 04, 2007, 10:35:48 AM »
True, true . . . for awhile I noticed tremendous participation from the younger generation of Imperial Claimants, but in recent months they appear to have vanished into the mists of time. Such a pity, for we can always use fresh bluebloods around here--not in a vampirian sense, I hasten to add, but to add to the merriment of our jolly little group. And while 'tis true that many consider me Forever Young, at some point in time--no no, dear hearts, I can take it--even yours truly, the Imperial Claimant GD/GD Janet will be [gasp!] "a woman of a certain age." Yes yes . . . all six feet of me! So perhaps we should start recruiting. Any ideas, my fellow aging ones?

GD/GP J

Never fear my dear sister. I see no need for botox in your future. You come from good stock and of course, have the bluest of blood.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in a pretty and well preserved body; but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow ---- What a ride!!!"

Offline Valmont

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #334 on: December 04, 2007, 03:10:29 PM »
My dearest niece Janet..
Is it true what i read? Do you have a brother???.. I checked the Gotha  almanaque and there is no bookmarks about is.. Are you sure it is your brother... and ... not your SON !?!?!?!?!  (<zoom in> on GD/GP Janet) (play dramatic music) (freeze scene) (Play credits)

Arturo Vega-Llausás

Offline Janet_W.

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #335 on: December 05, 2007, 10:11:23 PM »
Dear, Dear Uncle Val:

I fear you are gender-confused. My darling sister Lexi is a female.

Perhaps you are confusing me with Mrs. Mulwray? And I quote:

Evelyn Mulwray: She's my daughter.
[Gittes slaps Evelyn]
Jake Gittes: I said I want the truth!
Evelyn Mulwray: She's my sister...
[slap]
Evelyn Mulwray: She's my daughter...
[slap]
Evelyn Mulwray: My sister, my daughter.
[More slaps]
Jake Gittes: I said I want the truth!
Evelyn Mulwray: She's my sister AND my daughter!

Really, Uncle Val, I haven't been to Chinatown in years, just years.

As for the Almanach de Gotha, you must stay away from that naughty book. Unless the latest editions list us, I simply to refuse it exists.

Your semi-scandal free niece--

The GD/GP Janet


Offline lexi4

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #336 on: December 06, 2007, 05:49:17 PM »
My dear sister Janet,
Thank you for clearing up that little spat of gender confusion on the part of our dear Uncle. Almanach de Gotha? The National Inquirer of almanaques.
Lexi
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in a pretty and well preserved body; but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow ---- What a ride!!!"

Offline Valmont

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #337 on: December 06, 2007, 07:10:47 PM »
My dear Niece Janet,
I'm sorry for confussing your sister with your brother. I knew that spending a week in san francisco would have its consecuences. Add that to a premature case of Almheizer. maybe that is why I did not remember you had a Sister..  is it GD/GP Lexi4???

I must also cionfess that your attutude toward the so called almanach make me so proud. You behaved like a true claimant. not as good as AA, yet with a little practice you can improve a lot. You are indeed a true Imperial Claimant, that is why I will remodel the tea house at Valmontsky into a taco drive-in. No longer the rain and the dust will upset your hair do nor the kids will throw tomatoes at you while they pass by.
Lexi can help with the menudo...

Tsar Valmont... the splendid
Arturo Vega-Llausás

Offline Douglas

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #338 on: December 06, 2007, 10:07:30 PM »
Dearest Family:

By reading your posts I can clearly see that you've all been taking the various concoctions that our dear Dr. Kinbot has prepared.  I'm feeling the miracle effects myself.  Such a wonder his potions and lotions.

I did send a note to GD Anna that it would greatly benefit her health if she wrote an amusing note to all the family.  Smile and the servants smile with you, I always say.

I see that GD Janet is up to her old ways by visiting Chinatown and checking on her siblings.  Scandal as usual.  And even dear uncle Val is not sure of his whereabouts, so he decided to make Menudo and sing with the band.  I always told him , he had a future in show biz.  By the way, dearest Lexi, the Imperial claimants are listed in the Almanach in the super supplimental booklet that comes out every twenty-two years, precisely.  You have to subscribe to it and the  cost 25 cents regular mail.  Airmail is 15 cents. Sleigh delivery is two hundred rubles.   Usually they have my picture printed in the booklet.....unfortunately it was my most recent photo that was taken down at the station.  It's best that I don't elaborate.  Have a great day.

Tsar Douglas.........

Offline Janet_W.

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #339 on: December 07, 2007, 07:41:21 PM »
Now don't you be going jiggy on me, T.D. I am the very model of a scandal-free GD/GP.

Also, I have the feeling that photo of your Imperial Claimant self is actually a SET of photos . . . one full face, the other in profile.

And dear DEAR Uncle Val, words simply cannot express my gratitude for transforming your Valmontsky tearoom into a taco drive-thru. Now I can indeed come out of the cold. (Which is better than I can say for Spy Anna.) Plus, no more thrown tomatoes.*  Your little six foot niece was beginning to resemble a suddenly uncorked bottle of Heinz 57.

Next I want to make a correction to my last claimant-o-gram. I meant to say, re: the Almanach de Gotha, "You must stay away from that naughty book. Unless the latest edition lists us, I simply refuse TO ADMIT it exists." But you see I am, like all of you, on a strict budget, which means I cannot employ an ADC, as in days of yore, to proof my claimant-o-grams. And alas, I am always in a bit of a tearing rush, sew mystaykes R maid . . . er, made!

But leave us put all of that aside as we gather for our Annual Imperial Claimant Holiday Hootenanny. I look forward to seeing my dear FEMALE sibling, Sistah Lexi, and I do hope that dear dear Greenowl will once again grace us with her feathery presence. Not to mention her pellet-y presents, which she does have a most unfortunate habit of coughing up at the most inopportune times, but oh well my dears I suppose I shall manage to look the other way in an attempt at family unity.

The "I'm Dreaming of An Imperial Claimant Christmas" GD/GP Janet


* Although I don't mind accepting throne tomatoes, which are actually quite civilised in a spinach salad with a dash of balsalmic vinegar.

Offline Douglas

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #340 on: December 10, 2007, 07:04:24 PM »
Yes, the Imperial Officers were so kind  to me down at the station house.  They even have a professional photographer to take my picture.  They posted the photos on the wall of the station.  So grand.  It even says, "Our Dear Tsar" under the pictures.  Such an honor to say the least.
When they see me they always roll their eyes towards the heavens.  I suppose this is a sign of respect.  A special Russian custom for the Tsar.

I sent  some hot tea and cookies over to GD Anna.  She  smiled and laughed  in her most affected manner.  Such a wonder she is and she's even written some new songs.  Of course the nurses were standing by just in case.  The 'new' Anna will emerge from her sanctuary very shortly.  I certainly hope so as I am missing my weekly zoop.

Tsar Douglas....with a tear in my eye, the GD's, Valdimir Putin  and Pat Boone  were  singing my favorite Christmas song...."Frosty The Snowman".

Back in the day when I was making movies, we didn't have real snow in Hollywood.....it was made with white cornflakes.

 
« Last Edit: December 10, 2007, 07:13:54 PM by Douglas »

Offline Janet_W.

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #341 on: December 10, 2007, 10:26:58 PM »
Dear Dear Tsar Doug--

It wasn't snowflakes, it was asbestos.

Which could explain oh so many things.    ;^)

The GD/GP

Offline Douglas

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #342 on: December 11, 2007, 03:08:57 PM »
Dearest GD Janet:

It was ASBESTOS!  OMG and I suppose the sets were painted with LEAD paint.  Call Dr. Kinbot immediately!  I always thought that there was a lot of pollution in Hollywood.  Now, the truth comes out.  Leave it to GD Janet  to set things right.

Tsar Douglas .......feeling a bit faint.

Offline Greenowl

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #343 on: December 19, 2007, 05:55:34 PM »

Dear GD/GP Janet,

your humble servant Greenowl bows and deposits pellets at your august feet. Greenowl wishes to inform your imperial highness that she is honoured by the invitation to the Annual Imperial Claimant Holiday Hootenanny. Now that her feathers have grown again after her dreadful spell in dungeons dark, during which time she was plucked (yes, plucked) of her delicate plumage....and all because she was trying to save our beloved Tsar Douglas...she may be able to make it to the Annual Imperial Claimant Holiday Hootenanny after all and is thus busy rehearsing  "I'm Dreaming of An Imperial Claimant Christmas" in the key of D minor. The young green owlets are very excited and I trust your Imperial Highness will not mind if Greenowl brings them along, as they were sooooooooooooooo very distressed when their dear Mama was in captivity and feared they would never see her again. Perhaps our beloved Tsar might have a few old crowns he no longer wears that they could play with?

As always dear GD/GP Janet,
I remain your devoted and humble servant,
GREENOWL 

Offline Janet_W.

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Re: The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants
« Reply #344 on: December 19, 2007, 09:48:59 PM »
My dear Greenuska, you have come back to us! We thought you gone, but you have returned! Now the Annual Imperial Claimant Holiday Hootenanny may indeed commence, and by all means bring the owlets as well as whatever pellets you have left.
But oh please, if it should not be you, don't ever tell us.

The GD/GP "Grandmama" Janet

P.S. I will send for the imperial claimant apothecary and imperial claimant psychologist to help you with that charming anxiety cough, which is sweet but nonetheless getting on my imperial claimant nerves.