Alexander Palace Forum

Discussions about the Imperial Family and European Royalty => Imperial Claimants Post Here => Topic started by: _Rodger_ on April 05, 2004, 11:59:30 PM

Title: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 05, 2004, 11:59:30 PM
I think that it's appropriate, given the number of persons who have decided that their grandmothers were Olga/Tatiana/Maria/Anastasia, we should have a thread just for them.

Here are some instructions for would-be Imperial Family Descendants.  Please follow these instructions carefully, errors will result in a significant deduction of points.

1)  Please obtain a valid DNA test from a certified lab, and submit the results to the Forum Master to be posted for scrutiny.  Warning: should there be a single difference between your HVRI or HVRII nucleotides, and any of the published profiles, including Grand Duchess Ella, your claim will be disqualified.  No exceptions.

2)  Please post LARGE unretouched photos.  Photoshop or other methods for 'enhancing' that resemblance between Grandma Fizzlestick and Olga/Tatiana/Maria/ and/or Anastasia, will result in immediate disqualification.  

3)  Bonus points are given for creative stories regarding grandma's escape from the old country.  Please send a typed, spell checked and complete description to Ms. Penny Wilson.  

4)  Do not claim that grandma was Anna Anderson or Eugenie Smith.

5)  Do not contact Dr. Knight, Dr. Gill, Dr. Zhivotosky, Dr. Parsons, Dr. Weedn, Robert K. Massie or anyone affiliated with the Hoover Institution, The US Armed Forces, the Central Intelligence Agency,  the Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs, the British Home Office, or Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth Regina with your application/claim.  One or more of their representatives will contact you if they find your claim interesting.

6)  If your grandmother spoke Russian, please provide a notary certified writing example to verify this ability.

7)  If your grandmother didn't speak Russian, please refer to (4).

If you follow these easy instructions, it will make it considerably easier to process your claim, and allow us to get back to you as quickly as possible.

Good luck.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 06, 2004, 02:14:11 AM
Rodger, it's getting way too difficult to figure out whether you or Valmont are the funniest . . . but you BOTH rock!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on April 06, 2004, 09:51:20 AM
Dear Rodger,
THANK YOU! I was planning to create this exact topic thread after discussing this issue with Bob just last night.
My only addition would be to Rule 2: including notarized provenance of the photographs and
Rule 5: include the Danish Royal Family.
;D FA

PS: our new moderators for THIS thread ("DA PLANE!! DA PLANE!!):
(http://alexanderpalace.org/palace/images/fantisle.jpg)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 06, 2004, 10:48:20 AM
I have nothing to contribute to this thread beyond a great big belly laugh!  Great idea, Rodger!

Jane
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Louise on April 06, 2004, 11:44:56 AM
If anyone would like to know how coffee spurting out the nose feels, ya can just ask me. I'd be glad to tell you. ;D

I oftened wondered what the Forum Ad and his sidekick looked like. Thanks for the pic.

Louise
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 06, 2004, 12:20:36 PM
And a most attractive couple they are! (Uncle Valmont, is that you?!)  :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Sushismom on April 06, 2004, 12:21:19 PM
Alright, so how's this for reaching: My mother is 100% Japanese, born in Toyko in 1925. The Otsu incident occurred because of an alliance between Nicholas and a Japanese woman related to the man who attacked him. That woman would be my great great grandmother. But darn, you say you need DNA evidence?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 06, 2004, 02:42:54 PM
Quote
And a most attractive couple they are! (Uncle Valmont, is that you?!)  :-*


I believe our beloved (hmmmm) Uncle V. is gallivanting around on vacation this week.  Apparently he went somewhere with a tropical climate!  

Jane
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 07, 2004, 11:26:32 PM
Sushimom,

Thank you for your interest in our thread.

We have to admit that your story is as good as any other we've seen here, so for that, the Claimant Committee do hereby award you 5 points for 'remote plausibility.'

Congratulations.  You are in first place.

And as far as DNA testing is concerned, I Rodger, would be happy to conduct such a test for you.  Kindly remove a clump of hair from the top of your head, (side is okay if you suffer from male pattern baldness), please include the roots, and mail it to the Forum Administrator for processing.  Send check for $495, plus $19.95 for processing, made out to 'Rodger.'  Send an extra $50 and we'll will be happy to include a certificate of your mitochondrial DNA profile, suitable for framing, that you can use to impress your friends and obtain a book deal.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 07, 2004, 11:52:44 PM
Dear _Rodger_ and Imperial friends:


I'll get right to my point.  I do not claim any historical right to be the next Tsar.

I only claim that I am highly qualified to be the Tsar.

First, I can change my religion  to orthodox, then I will move into the Alexander Palace.  All of  this after the place has been fixed up a bit.

Please try and find me a suitable consort.  Hopefully she will speak German only as I cannot speak it.  There is a lot of history in that request.

Everyone on this site will have a great new Imperial  career  in Russia and we can all live in Tsarskoeselo.

Also, I plan to launch a new Imperial yacht Standart, much larger than the last one.

If anyone has any ideas as to the new Imperial Court functions and galas, please let us know right away.



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 08, 2004, 04:23:00 PM
Douglas,

You can make your claim to be the Tsar, but you MUST HAVE BEAUTIFUL EYES to gaze in. A nice character, smoke a lot ( at least a packet a day.)

You have to be a good husband (After all she's the love of your life) and a good father!
Have a moustache and beard, your teeth?(well you don't have to open your mouth).  Have a need of going out for a long walk every day. And if you want I think Rodger can arrange some sort of gym in the bathroom and on the imperial train.

So don't hesitate and send that check! Don't forget the photo of your eyes. Otherwise NO points.

Anna



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 08, 2004, 06:47:45 PM
Well, I think I should be the next ruler.  My claim is at least as good, even if I am a mere woman.    :P

I have an extensive knowledge of one of Russia's best-known export products, vodka.  I am very familiar with a wide variety of Russian vodka, and would be able to roam the world as a goodwill ambassador for Russia's potent potable.  

I like to throw snowballs during the winter months, so I am clearly suited to the cold winters.

I have watched a number of home decorating shows, so I would be able to order the restoration of the Imperial palaces on a budget.  Plants and uplighting add a lot to a room, you know, and would help set off the Baroque splendor off the ceilings.

I don't want a German consort, because I already drive a German car.

I can tolerate incense reasonably well (if memories of my university years serve) so clearly I will be able to lead the flock in the Orthodox faith.

Spasibo, vote for me!

Jane



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: JM on April 08, 2004, 07:01:37 PM
You have my vote!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 08, 2004, 08:44:25 PM
Dear Mr. Hunzinger,

The Claimant Committee has carefully reviewed your application.

We are nearly unanimous in our condemnation of this obvious attempt to bribe the committee.

We are unanimous in our questioning your ability to deliver on those promises, for which we believe you ought to be ashamed.

No points.

Sincerely,

The Claimant Committee
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 08, 2004, 11:40:40 PM
Dear Royal Wannabee Lownesses:

I do not have any aspirations to be recognized as a Grand Duchess, but my dog is convinced he is a direct descendent of Ortino, and I must say the evidence is compelling...something about those doggie eyes...

First Fauxberge, then Faux Royals, now Faux Royal Dogs...where will it all end? This thread is a hoot! I cannot resist adding to it! NAAOTMA
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 09, 2004, 12:13:34 AM
Dear Rodger, Anna, Jane, Naaotma -  

As for my application to be Tsar I forgot to mention my best qualification to be Tsar.  That being - I am not Russian [ I am part German].  How's that for points?

A bribe you say?  Goodness gracious, I wouldn't think of such a low thing.  That's  outrageous!  I only offer what is availlable in the vast and well stocked Imperial accounts.

Maybe you feel I should have offered you, Rodger, a special place  at Court.  I offer you my humble apology.  What is it, Sir, that you desire?

Yes, that little dog is just fine, Naaotma.  I can add my black russian cat to the cast.  I call him the Imperial cat.

Anna, oh yes, I have nice eyes but I don't smoke or drink. But I could have a little sip of wine now and then just for old times sake.

Jane...we definately need your wonderful talent for fixing up the palaces.  Forget the budget, we can do it up in whatever style you like.  Just as long as it conforms to Imperial standards.  

As for the vodka.  You are so naughty, Jane, but you do have my vote for high and noble position.

BTW, my first order of Imperial business may be to put an end to that pesky Claimant Committee.   I want the Committee members  to be sure to pack some warm clothes.  I'll leave it at that of you get my drift.

Lastly, no members of Anna Anderson's family are to ever come to the front door of the palace.  I'll see them in the kitchen by the backdoor, if you don't mind.

Warm regards  for all who aspire to summer cruises on our new yacht,
, Douglas  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 09, 2004, 04:34:06 PM
Anybody that picks me over Douglas gets rewarded with Fauxberge baubles and chocolate Easter bunnies once I am on the throne.  ;D

Furthermore, my new Five-Year Plan (OK, a bit of historical cross-pollination here) will be put into immediate effect, wherein the working week is reduced from five days to four days (but salaries/pay are increased).

The capital will henceforth be known as Janegrad.  

Reality television will be banned.  

Jane





Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on April 09, 2004, 05:39:29 PM
Jane -
Set the rest of us up as the GD's and we can do "Trading Spaces" in the palaces.  Do you think a $1,000 will fix up a room in the AP??  I think I'm decended from the family that escaped to England.  The ones that came over on the Mayflower.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on April 09, 2004, 05:45:12 PM
P.S.  My GGGrandmother was a German princess...what was her name???......Alex...Alice....Alexandra!!!   ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 09, 2004, 06:15:45 PM
Because the Committe is being inundated with claims, for handling and filing purposes, the Claimant Committee would like to remind claimants that some evidence beyond personal testament are useful.  

Please include physical evidence with your application.  

Thank you.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 09, 2004, 06:19:50 PM
Reed, my good and loyal subject, consider this your investiture as a Grand Duke.  

Your first duty is to make sure that no one paints the Jordan staircase (in my Janegrad pied-a-terre, the Winter Palace) black.  If you succeed in this, I shall, in my magnanimity, reward you with a canal-side palace of your very own, a genuine set of Ginsu knives, and an original recording of the opera "Nixon in China."

Jane

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 09, 2004, 06:23:02 PM
Quote
...the Claimant Committee would like to remind claimants that some evidence beyond personal testament are useful...


My good fellow,  I merely refer you to subsection 332(b)(4) of the Swizzlestick Amendment to the Jabberwocky Convention.

Ithankyouverymuch.  cue: curtsey

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 09, 2004, 07:24:20 PM
In light of the recent submission of an Administrative Protest, the Claimant Committee shall recess to take the Protest under advisement.

Several members are concerned that the Protest amounts to an obfuscation couched in some incomprehensible legalese, while the remaining members seem to believe there is some validity to the Protest, under the sections cited by the petitioner.

The Committee therefore recesses until further notice.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on April 09, 2004, 08:26:25 PM
The Committee however, requires fiduciary compensation for efforts expended on the petitioner's behalf to date. Small bills  of US currency or Euro's accepted in non-sequential serial numbers.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 09, 2004, 10:03:47 PM
Jane, how about co-ruling? It was done in Russia--I believe Sophia stood behind her brother Ivan and whispered to him--and I would not be adverse to a double throne. Janetgrad scans rather nicely, and besides, I wholeheartedly agree that our first ukase should be a banning of reality TV. The second ukase: In the tradition of Ekaterina the Great, easy access to the most "promising" soldiers!   ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 09, 2004, 11:33:03 PM
The Claimant Committee is disappointed that thus far, it appears that there is a paucity of serious Romanov Family Claimants applying here.

From our perspective, we believe that it is even possible that some applicants may be taking advantage of this opportunity we have graciously offered serious Romanov Claimants to put forward their claim and evidence, and are perhaps parodying this serious opportunity.

We therefore ask for serious Romanov Family Claimants only apply here.

Your cooperation is appreciated.

The Claimant Committee.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 09, 2004, 11:34:52 PM
Dear Claimants and that Committee.........

Jane, why not let's just reduce the work week from five days to five hours!

Janegrad, you say?  How about St. Peter & Janeburg?  Doen't that have a nice ring to it?

Ginsu Knives? That's a nice touch!

Glad to hear that the  Committee is in recess...and not a moment too soon.

And, oh I see .... Admin suggests, rather crudely may I add, that the claimants put some Euros  into the picture.   My oh my, and I was so foolish to think that the 'mordita' had finally vanished.  Such a foolish thought.  Some Imperial traditions just will not go away.  Not  to worry...some coins of the realm will be sent by  dogsled immediately.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 10, 2004, 06:47:52 PM
Following an executive session of the Claimant Committee with it's legal representatives, the Committee rejects the legal claim brought forth earlier in the week.

However, if you are dissatisfied with this result, you are allowed the opportunity to appeal this decision, provided that you reply in a timely manner as specified below.

To appeal a Claimant Committee decision, please wire $995.00 to the Committee's anonymous numbered account in the Grand Cayman Islands within 72 hours of receiving the rejection.  Please contact one of the board moderators as shown above for specific routing numbers.

Thank you, and we regret any inconvenience this decision may cause.

The Claimant Committee.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on April 10, 2004, 06:57:55 PM
Seconded and carried.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 12, 2004, 01:40:45 PM
Dear and Glorious Committee Members;

You suggest that I am not serious in my application to be the Tsar of all the Russias.  Excuse me, your highnesses, I am very serious.

Although I own my own business and am very busy with my profession ,  I would give it all up for the Throne of Russia.

My only condition is that the Alexander Palace be fixed up and that leaky roof be repaired.  Some of it was repaired recently but there is more left to do.  We don't need rain dripping on important state papers.

Also, I would request that the Tsar's Turkish bath be repaired and maybe a shower installed.

I would be a kind and gentle Tsar.  None of that "do this and do that" sort of thing.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on April 12, 2004, 01:47:22 PM
We realize that you are serious,
However, this thread is intended for those who claim descent from the last Imperial family. Send your qualifications as Tsar to the Russian people and let them decide for themselves!
This Committee is to review the claims of purported Romanovs, not really those who wish to pretend to the throne.
Your eagerness for the job is appreciated though.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 12, 2004, 02:21:31 PM
I thought our jester Valmont would pop upon us here. The Claimant Commitee musn't look surprised if he's already crowned himself Tsar. He sits on his throne making fools out of us. It looks all rather suspicious, where is he ??? ??? ???

Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on April 12, 2004, 07:14:49 PM
Hey, NAAOTMA,
Wrong, hello, excuse me.... my dog is actually the reincarnation of Grand Duchess Anastasia Nicolaivna... so there....She CAN prove it, but sadly, she can't talk.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 12, 2004, 08:32:05 PM
I agree, Anna--I, too, am wondering where "Uncle" Valmont is.  Speak to us, sir!

And before I go into the "main" portion of this message, I should admit that everytime I see FA's photo post, I go into convulsions.

But seriously, gang, there are some folks out there who believe in and/or have pondered various family legends, and it just may be that some of the folks visiting us do have a valid claim of some kind . . . if no more than a shirttail relation to an associate of NAOTMAA. (Which would actually be very interesting in itself.)  Those who do post here need to know that we have gone through hoops with other "claiments." But, if someone appears sincere and follows the rules, let's hear him/her out, okay?   :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 12, 2004, 09:26:03 PM
The Claimant Committee recognizes that some people are having difficulty perfecting their claims, for any of a number of reasons.  

One of the main reasons is that they are having difficulty understanding or following the otherwise simple rules put forward by the committee.  

To help individuals, and in some cases, groups, perfect their claim in the format required here, the Claimant Committee is pleased to announce that it has reached an agreement with Spoof U.  

Spoof U. offers college credit for your efforts in perfecting your claim, leading to a bachelor's or master's degree in Romanovology.  

Your experiences with following instructions, writing your claim, and learning from scientists why your DNA doesn't stand a permafrost's chance in an Ekaterinburg summer of actually matching any published value, is deemed by the Board of Director's of Spoof U. as sufficient for passing their rigorous degree requirements.  

Please contact the forum moderators as seen above for financial aid details, as well as any pre-requisites, although we are sure your life experiences will suffice.

Thank you,

The Claimant Committee.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 12, 2004, 11:11:33 PM

"Ortino the Second" will be most pleased to sniff out any possiblity that the previously mentioned canine is indeed the reincarnation of GD Anastasia...

After all, some smells, like some things and some people... never change.  Most Sincerely, Melissa K. AKA NAAOTMA

P.S. Perhaps Spoof U. has an evening program for canines and their humans.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 14, 2004, 08:09:15 PM
The moderators are pleased to announce the publication of a new book about the Romanovs.

It will be entitled: The Romanovs: the Absolutely, Positively Final Chapter (we think) about the Fate of at least several Members of the Last Imperial Family of Russia.  

It will be published by Wile E. Coyote Scientific Publishers through it's ACME special history house.

This book will have such special features as

*  a behind the scenes look at the Soviet Archives and Calligraphy Shop.

*  Those special permafrost resistant trees that only grow in Southern Siberia near the Kazakstan border.

*  Interviews with people who know something about the Romanovs.

*  Interviews with people who think they are the Romanovs.

So run, don't walk, to your nearest bookseller and buy this book!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 14, 2004, 09:31:34 PM
Dear Claimants Committee and Loyalists to the Throne of Russia:

The Committee suggested that I take my claim to the Imperial Throne directly to the people of Russia.  That is a great idea.

So, today I emailed  President Putin at the Kremlin.  His address ends in 'ru'...that means 'russia'.  His secretary mailed right back that the Mr. Putin would be happy to see me in his official office in the near future. He did say that no press would be allowed to take photos of the meeting as it was not usual for him to meet with people that desire to be  Tsar. We all remember what happened last time.

Also, to put things into proper perspective I mailed back to Mr. Putin a photo of myself in my Tsarist uniform so that he would see that I am serious.  After all, it worked when George Washinton attended the Continental Congress way back when, so why not try it again.  The Kremlin secretary  thinks I look 'snappy' in my Tsarist garb.

I decided not to wear the Imperial Crown as he might think that was a little pushy for right now.

I'll keep you all informed as things progress.........
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 15, 2004, 09:41:52 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Just remember to NEVER sign anything while you are on a train, and things should go okay with Mr. Putin. Sincerely, Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Doug Huntzinger on April 15, 2004, 11:57:17 PM
Dearest Melissa, your newly minted Imperial Highness:

Thank you for your good wishes on my journey to Russia to meet with Mr. Putin.

What to pack for the long trip?  Maybe I should take a little gift for Mrs. Putin.  How about some loose diamonds in a little velvet bag.  

Also, Melissa, let me know if you want to go along on the journey.  Do you have some proper royal type clothes? Ortino is welcome to go with us also.

I don't intend to sign any Imperial Documents on a train while it is standing still.   I understand that it is OK if it is moving.

DH  

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 17, 2004, 12:05:36 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

When I mentioned your kind invitation to attend the meeting with Mr. Putin, Ortino II hid under the sofa and refused to come out. So I must very regretfully decline the invitation. Another salient point is that my pearls are being restrung at this time,  and I would not want to embarass the new Imperial Court by appearing at less than my best at the historic meeting.  Merci beaucoup for the title by the way. It will go over big with my book club. And the loose diamonds in a small bag sound just right as a gift for Mr. Putin. Maybe his gift to you will be his memoirs of the KGB...again, thank you, Gracious Wannabee Majesty...Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Doug Huntzinger on April 18, 2004, 06:38:37 PM
Dear I.H. Melissa K. and loyal courtiers:

What to say...I am sad that Ortino II declined to go to Moscow and meet Mr. & Mrs. Putin.  Maybe the Imperial cat Coal can stand in for Ortino.  

I am a bit concerned that Mr. Putin suggested that we pay a visit the chambers at the Peter & Paul Fortess where former Tsars were imprisoned.  Do you think he may be trying to send me a message?  Just wondering.

Doug
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 18, 2004, 09:46:01 PM
The Claimant Committee is pleased to announce the 2004-2005 Men of the Romanov Imperial Family Swim Calendar.

Yes, these fabulous photos of your Romanov faves, along with their military buddies, in various scintilating action poses is yours for only $19.95.

Must be 21 to order.  Void in areas where illegal.  Visa or Mastercard accepted.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 18, 2004, 10:31:24 PM
I'm channeling Anastasia right now . . . she says she wants . . . royalties?!   :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 18, 2004, 10:33:08 PM
 :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Doug Huntzinger on April 19, 2004, 03:28:59 PM
Dear Melissa your most gracious imperial highness.....

I forgot to mention your malfunctioning strand of pearls.

Yes, that can be a major setback concerning travel planning.

Having your pearls fly off the rope and land all over the floor can be very disheartening to say the least.

Please, do not drop your tiara or Easter Egg...that can cause major damage and require a trip to the jewelry shop for a resoldering.

Speaking of malfunctions.  When I inspect the Imperial Guard in the morning, I always note that a few of the sleepy boys cannot seem to button their shirts correctly or even zip up the fly of their trousers.

Such are the problems of being the Tsar.

Douglas

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 20, 2004, 09:19:57 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Please remember that in addition to signing nothing while on a train, do not take your cat with you to Mr. Putin's suggested tour of the Peter and Paul Fortress. You do not want history to repeat itself...

Will try to be very careful to not throw any Faberge eggs, or snap the frame on my tiara...and yes, pearls all over the deck of the yacht is not very nice...

I thought that the least I could do in support of your Tsarist claim was to have "I support Tsar Doug" T-shirts made up for your loyal following. If the Claimant Committee does not recognize your claim, or the briefcase full of crisp euros you recently sent it, the T-shirt can be turned inside out and that side reads "Don't blame me, I voted for Tsar Doug" ...

Thank you again for the lovely title, Gracious Imperial One! It was most kind, and is most appreciated. Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 23, 2004, 11:16:02 AM
Oh my...
I have no idea what you guys have been smoking, but it sure is some powerfull stuff...

To ALL the claimants, you have to admit you  are going to have to work a little bit harder.....
Definetly, One cannot just leave for a small  trip to the Fantasy Island,  because you find out as soon as you touch base, you have been dethroned by the people you trust the most... GD Jane... How could you betray poor old Uncle Valmont like this??...
If you care to explain yourself, I will be at  the Anikov palace, checking the plans for the new Valmont's Palace...maybe I can talk bob into   building a web site...

Arturo Vega_Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 23, 2004, 04:12:00 PM
Dear Arturo, Melissa and Imperial friends:

Great Idea, Melissa!  I plan to have T-shirts printed up with the slogan on the front  "Vote for Tsar Doug".  On the back it will read, "Free Food, and Imperial Cups for all at the Coronation Party" . How's that  for getting people all excited?

A Valmont Palace?  Not so fast there comrade.  How about thinking of your Tsar first.  How about my palace and the fixing up needed?  I was thinking today that a spa would be nice to have.  A big one for about fifteen people at least...all are invited.  

I just got a letter today from HRH The Prince  Albert of Monaco.  He fully supports my claim for the throne of Russia.  How's that for support?!  After all his Mom was a movie star and that surely counts for something.

Also, if you qualify,  I will be handing out some Imperial Titles.  No cost is involved as I feel that I should be kind and generous to all subjects...that way I can count on all of your dear ones in an emergency...if you  know what I mean.

Signed:  Douglas ...the next..........
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 23, 2004, 04:27:29 PM
Hey, Hey, Hey....
If we are going to talk about Royal support here, I dated ONCE a girl who strongly beleived she was the reencarnation of Ramses III, and believe me.. you wouldn't like to be  the one to tell her  Ramses was a guy... So, if you do not want me to tell her you said she was crazy,  you better kiss my saphire coronation ring, and report at the construction site, first thing in the morning..I am thinking about calling it "Valmontsky"..


So be it...
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 23, 2004, 04:56:12 PM
Sir you do speak to us humble people. So you're already
at the Anitchkov palace and planning another one to be build. But did you crowned yourself Tsar? Otherwise you have to compete with Tsar Doug ( the one with the beautiful eyes). As I cannot gaze into your eyes, I do consider to give you my vote, at least you have a big place to live and Tsar Doug has made his choise HRH Melissa, so where does that leave me?

Sir, do you have a spare room? I have an irresistible smile and can stand for hours and hours on big receptions. I'll promise to be a goo wee one.

You must gather your court as soon as possible, or Tsar Doug and her Imperial Highness Melissa including all the
cats and dogs will stand at the border. They had a meeting with Putin and are planning to capture the imperial train!!

Btw what position do you have in mind for me ;)

Anna

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 23, 2004, 05:02:42 PM
Valmontsky hear hear !!!

So let it be written, so let it be done!

Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on April 23, 2004, 05:10:29 PM
Do we sense a battle for the throne???  Hasn't Russian been through enough?  How about Co-Tsars!  ::)  There are enough palaces for both and their retinues.  After all it's a big country with lots of problems.  Two heads are better than one!   :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 23, 2004, 06:13:36 PM
Isn't that "So it shall be written, so it shall be done," as said by the great Ramses II, a.k.a. Yul Brynner in The Ten Commandments?  But certainly he was not the one who dated my Uncle Valmont--that was one Roman Numeral later.

Remember, by the way, that the big royal imposter in The Ten Commandments was Moses himself. Now there was a claimant who went on to bigger and better things!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 24, 2004, 11:19:47 AM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Maybe Mr. Putin can look in the archives for the booklet "How To Run Successful Coronation Events"...but please turn down any proposals by the French Embassy to hold a gala ball in your honor....

As for Prince Albert, he might recruit you to be part of the Monaco boblsed team at the next Winter Olympics...or he maybe trying to unload Princess Stephanie on you...   Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 24, 2004, 12:27:46 PM
Dear Imperial Friends & other lesser ones........

HIH Melissa always has the best advice.  She is so smart. I wonder where she gets all of her insight about things Imperial?  

I have decided to have the gala coronations ball at the British Embassy.  That way we can have good relations with the House of Windsor just  in case things don't work out in Russia.

Anna:  Not to worry dear one.  You'll have a proper title and we'll add a new wing on the Alexander Palace. Right now the palace layout is sort of like the letter 'c',  with your new  wing it'll start to look like the  letter 'H' with one leg missing.  These ideas just pop into my mind from I don't know where!  

Arturo: Thanks for the invitation,   I'll have Ortino II come over to your palace construction site and he'll be happy to do what little doggies do.  But I do wish all the best in your efforts to set up an Imperial court.

Prince Albert  of Monaco will be our dancemaster.  I once saw him do the Macarena.  Such style and rhythm...amazing!

Douglas.....  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on April 26, 2004, 07:08:01 AM
Dear Tsar Doug, Melissa K. and various other fans,

My dog is affronted at the continuing group of imposters posting here.

She is the one and only reincarnation of the Grand Duchess Anastasia, and that is the end of the matter.  Committee, what do you say???

She can prove it, she's told me the following:

woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

NOW scoff if you dare....

Her Imperial Highness'es owner....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 26, 2004, 10:32:32 AM
But in what "accents" are the bark? That is the critical question!

The Committee is certainly dragging its feet regarding the final decision!    Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 26, 2004, 12:33:06 PM
NAAOTMA  is right !!
What about if your dog is barking with a polish accent??
We must consider all the facts..

Ana, please do not think I have forgotten about you, my little one,  I have been bussy as hell with the Architect, I really do not know how Catherine did it, I guess that is why she was called the great, silly me that I thought  she was called  llike that  because of her dress' size.
My niece Janet is preparing the list of the appropiate people who we are thinking to include in our court, please contact her with any request to be a part of it.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 26, 2004, 12:52:03 PM
Douglas,
I have to admit I am AMAZED with your comments. You have so many GREAT IDEAS!!!...Unfortunately, I think Melissa is the real "power behind the Throne". Fortunately for you she will never be called "Melissa the Great" after she dethrones you, for  you have no chance buddy. The arrangements for the coronation  had been going on for the last two Months, we did not tell you for we  did not want you to feel bad. remember.. "What you know not, cannot hurt you".
You are right, Albert of Monaco has the fire of "Prince" in his eyes.....

Arturo
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 26, 2004, 02:54:40 PM
(OK... Let's see how well I do it)

This Morning, after I woke up,  someone rang at my door, there was none there when I opened the door. You have to realize my organism has not signed a receipt that I am no longer on vacation, so I was standing in the middle of my kitchen, in  a subconscious  state of mind, having a life and death fight with my coffee making machine, when the door rang, and I thought I was dreaming.
Any way, There was a Malaquite Faberge box (very old indeed) with a lot of papers and letters, most in French & Russian. I also found  a lot of photographs, new and old, and  some of the  people in the photographs looked very familiar, and in some of the letters , my name was mention.  (A LOT) followed by the words "Heritier Royal"..I do not know what those words mean, but I sure will find out.

I have strong reasons to believe that I am related to the Romanov family. and somehow I think that  this is only a proof that I am correct. you know??.. it is one of those things you just feel (& know)...As soon as I get home for lunch, I will start reading the letters, starting for the one that was marked "READ THIS BEFORE YOU OPEN ANYTHING".
I will post my findings latter today.
I am so excited, I saw this coming from far away, and it was only a matter of time.
There was also some jewelery, and a map. As I said, I was late for work, and I did not have a change to go through all the stuff.


Latter.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on April 26, 2004, 05:18:33 PM
Hee hee hee!

Excellent, Valmont!  Clearly YOU ARE the true Claimant.  

cue deep curtsey
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on April 26, 2004, 05:29:58 PM
Valmont,
It's my understanding that after the revolution several Russians escaped and settled in the Guadalupe Valley.  Thus the Russian names in that area....so maybe you are the heir!!!!  ??? we bow low!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 26, 2004, 06:09:38 PM
I just got back from lunch, and this is very weird..  there were photographs of the Imperial family. old photos, some looked like copies, but that is not the weird thing..
there were also photographs of old people and young people, and ....A  BOOK !!!...... that reads.. "UNCLE FRANCESCO'S DIARY"......!!..
You think....???.. he might be THE Uncle francesco?
Does anyone has something on this  subject???

Arturo
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 26, 2004, 06:15:31 PM
Yes, as my Uncle Valmont says, I the Grand Princess/Duchess Janet will be delighted to consider you for inclusion in our court. ("Testing" via the method used by Catherine the Great's ladies-in-waiting recommended but not mandatory.)  Please submit your application in triplicate, pick up a copy of Atlantis from our foyer magazine rack, and be so kind as to take a seat.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 26, 2004, 06:21:05 PM
Reed,
Do you think then that one of those guys could have been the one  who  put that box  outside my door?

I had not realized that... Yes, and with the excuse of growing up  grapes to make wine, they could have burried the  Faberge box... (Alone with  a lot more stuf), in the Guadalupe Valey.. No wonder GD Dimitri Pavlovich  was a Champagne and Wine salesperson...yes.. It ALL makes sense now...Well.. not all.. I know I have to finish going through that box

I will keep you posted...

Just to get things clear.. I have ONLY  two nieces.. GD Janet and GD Jane.. and it makes sense... (Both their names start with "J").. I still do not what it  means, but  I will find out.. any sugestions?


Arturo

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 26, 2004, 06:32:47 PM
Yes, and if anyone out there meets up with a Grand Duchess Janine, be advised that she is an imposter and, upon apprehension, will be fired from a canon.  :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 26, 2004, 07:07:41 PM
Oh, yes... definetly...Without question..
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 26, 2004, 08:14:57 PM
Arturo:

Please be very careful about that box of old pictures and such.  It could have the 'curse of Rasputin' on it. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you and your ambitions to be Tsar.  Just to be safe you might considering burying it in  some dense and very remote forest.  

Since the United States bought the territory of Alaska from Russia I have another one of my 'amazing ideas'!

This is it.  I can arrange to have Alaska revert to an independent state and then you could become Tsar of Alaska!  Now how's that for a great idea, Arturo?

Arturo - Tsar of Alaska!  Sounds just wonderful!

Signed:  

Douglas



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on April 27, 2004, 03:56:55 AM
Yipee for Tsar Doug.

My dog just did "Who let the dog out" in barks that have tinges of British, Russian with a slight hint of German accents going.  I think we might have the real deal here.

You may bow....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on April 27, 2004, 10:09:06 AM
Tsar Valmont,
I'm sure that it must have been one of the descendant of the families that escaped to Mexico, who put that box by your door.  

Being the heir would mean that maybe they can't approach you personally.  It would be a scarey thing to be in the presence of the Tsar of Russia...or Alaska.....or even .............the AP web site!!!!   ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 27, 2004, 10:21:50 AM
Dear Tsar Doug,

What a brilliant idea to offer M. Valmont the Tsardom of Alaska...it is just like Siberia, only smaller. And they have cruise ships and mosquitoes just like dear Petersburg. He and his Court should make the adjustment nicely. You could throw in Prince Albert to sweeten the deal...

Just want you to know that I have NO intention of displacing you (refer to previous Valmont post) as I have never approved of that tacky, rude little princess who became CII or her methods. A sweet little cottage with alot of insulation and a basement to keep the cold out of the floors in the winter would be fine for Ortino II and myself, as well as  my Faberge knitting needles and Lomonsov china tea set and all my books on the Romanovs... Take Care and good luck in the Alaska Matter,   Melissa K. (will wait until your coronation to use the HIH-people can be so touchy about the little things!)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 27, 2004, 05:22:51 PM
Doug,
Not in your wildest dreams....

I do not think the box  has the "Curse of Rasputin" for everytime I open it, I hear a voice... and it is not a man's but it is a woman's voice, and unless  Dear Gregory is a Judy Garland and Cher  impersonator in the other world,  I do not think Rasputin is involved in any curse regarding my box....

Now..I am going to have  a mtDNA Analysis of my blood to have more written evidence, unfortunatelly, it is almost the end of the month and I have to pay the rent. You will understand I do not want the National Enquirer to tell the world I owe some rent money right before I announce my coronation, so this is what I need you to do.... Sent ALL donations to the  "Royal Heritier" Account, in the bank of your convinience... and I will repay you in exccess when I get the gold from the Japanese Gov.
GD Janet could give you a tax deductable receipt for the amount of your deposit.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE..

Arturo
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 27, 2004, 05:45:59 PM
The Claimant Committee has been rudely paged out of it's weekly agenda meeting at Senor Frog's where critical matters regarding claimants were being discussed.

Following a couple of ceremonial pitchers of marguaritas, the chair was paged to answer an apparent attempt from interlopers to use this highly valued and esteemed thread to solicit donations for some spurious claim to the Throne of Russia.  

The Claimant Committee abhors unsolicted attempts to capitalize on it's good name for ludicrous claims by preying on True Believers.  It is in this spirit that the Claimant Committee asks for donations for it's legal team's costs.  Please send your donations (Visa, Mastercard or Amex preferred) to the bartender at Senor Frog's, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  

Thank you.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 27, 2004, 05:59:39 PM
Grand Duke Rodger--

What, are you back at Senor Frog's again?  Throw away your thorazine, skedaddle back to your palace, and stop diverting funds!   >:(

My uncle, Tsar Arturo, is most displeased.  In penitance, kindly remit a generous donation; I will issue you a tax deductible receipt forthwith.

Grand Duchess/Princess Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas Huntzinger on April 27, 2004, 06:53:45 PM
Arturo:

Here's what to do, Arturo.  Put a little drop of your dubious blood on  your stationery and mail it to the  proper authorities in the Kremlin.  Those guys will know what to do as far as your DNA is concerned.  If you have the right mojo that's good news for you....if not, well,  I'd be calling my travel agent right away.

Melissa K.:

You never fail to amaze me with your loyalty to the rightful claimant of the Thone of Russia.  I am so touched and I bow to you.

I am having the plans drawn up for your Dacha right as we talk.  I will submit several ideas to your for your most gracious approval.  Do you like Frank Lloyd Wright, Prairie style, Levitt Town style, USA or do you prefer Rustic  Japanese Imperial Court style, Edo era?  Or maybe something else?

Rodger:

Cheers to you and your intoxicated committee.  Please, do not play that dreadful old Yankee Doodle Dandy song again!

Janet:

Sorry, you claim only two titles.  I must inform you that every royal person at my court has to have at least three bonifide titles.  Please apply for another one today.  BTW, Empress  cannot be one of them as that is already taken by my secret consort [the one from Germany].  Don't tell anyone right now.

All others:

Bow wow and woof woof are not the correct way to address the Imperial Court , let alone the Tsar.  

Also, all other barnyard impressions are only allowed at 2:00 PM on the third Wednesday of each month old style calendar...if you can find one.

Signed:  Douglas



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 27, 2004, 07:13:29 PM
The Clamaint Committee requests that it not be addressed in the familiar.  We will not be intimidated by attempts to single out particular (gifted and important) members by claimants.  

We recognize that intimidation is well-known technique for influencing committee decisions, and we refuse to buckle.

(Janet, I'm waiting for a cab.  I'll be home shortly, thanks)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 27, 2004, 07:35:20 PM
Dear Tsar Valmont and nieces J & J.

(Tsar) Doug would call me his "dear one" but he never gave my a proper title and a place to live. He kicked me out into the snow, and  I was wandering around with only my dancingshoes and balalaika. If you ever meet a woman( IH Melissa K) dressed in fur, you should know that belongs to me :'(

But you Tsar Valmont called me your "little one" and I must confess I'm under your spell. If your nieces J & J agree I could be their Lady-in-waiting. I'd rather be a GD but one has to start somewhere.  I can be of great use. I've learned some tricks how to spy from my old lover Sidney Reilly and I can go back and forth the Russian border on my diplomat-pass. No problem.

So I suggest to make a trip and find out about Uncle Francesco's Diary. On my way back I'll bring some paintings from Rembrandt and Delfts blue, you need those to decorate your palace.I'll also have a little tête a tête with Queen Lilybeth from England to give back the jewels, that belongs to the House of Valmont!!

Oh and don't forget to ask your nieces if they need anything from Paris (perfume, lace) I'll stay there for a few days. I shall try and speak to the minister of foreign
affairs and maybe I can see the President. I think it's very important to have some backup from a foreign country, cause you will never know what Tsar Doug is up to.
Give me one of your photo's, to take with me, you might be the look-alike of Uncle Francesco and then we know for sure.

Anna


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 27, 2004, 09:47:11 PM
Doug: Actually, I am giving subjects the choice of Grand Duchess or Grand Princess--to me they are one and the same. However, if you wish to count them as two titles, and I need just one more title to qualify, how about that of Imperial Courtesan?  ;)

Anna: If among your talents are having tea with Lillibet (God Bless Her) and bringing back Parisian perfume, then you are definitely lady-in-waiting material. Also, Tsar Doug should be horse-whipped, and Melissa is definitely a hussy. (But being anti-fur, I am not, I repeat not, jealous.)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 27, 2004, 09:51:49 PM
P.S. Grand Duke Rodger, I hope you're in that cab. Stay away from canals and cakes laced with questionable substances, and for God's sake don't be tempted by promises to meet anyone by the name of Irina.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 27, 2004, 11:58:27 PM
Princess Janet W.:

Horse whipped you say?  That is not dignified ....no, no, no.  Off  to bed without dinner but not whipped.


And as for Melissa, you note she is very genteel and makes no unreasonable demands upon my Imperial goodness.  So I gave her a little fur wrap, a cottage, a  Rolls Royce,  solid  gold knitting needles with diamonds on top and some Fabrege nicknacks...well, so what!  It is my pleasure to do so.

Imperial Courtesan for your title Janet?  That's not really a title but more like a 'profession'. What can I say...let's just leave it at that for now.

Prince Albert called after lunch today and informed us that he would be happy to be our dance teacher but that he only knows how to Moonwalk and a bit of ballet.  That Mararena dance was just a one time thing and he was very embarrassed by it.  I guess he didn't know all the moves.

I have yet to decide what to do about the Russian jewels that HRH  The Queen E II  has in her jewel cases.  Any ideas?  Maybe her Greek/German  consort could drop them off at the backdoor of the palace.  I'll notify the bootboy.

Anna:  I made an Imperial decree that a special wing be built for your lodgement but alas you must have overlooked my post of April 24.  

Signed:  Douglas ....woof, woof, .
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Candice on April 28, 2004, 06:03:45 AM
Hi Valmont, this is so funny!  Are you secretly stiring up MMR4... ;)  Or may be there is some truth to what he was saying????? heheheheh!

I wonder if his photo of his Uncle Francesco looks like your Uncle? Wow, you might have a link!




Quote
I just got back from lunch, and this is very weird..  there were photographs of the Imperial family. old photos, some looked like copies, but that is not the weird thing..
there were also photographs of old people and young people, and ....A  BOOK !!!...... that reads.. "UNCLE FRANCESCO'S DIARY"......!!..
You think....???.. he might be THE Uncle francesco?
Does anyone has something on this  subject???

Arturo

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 28, 2004, 01:40:46 PM
Doug: We are not amused. You did threw me out, have you forgotten? My nose is still frozen and I lost a shoe :'(
You only had eyes for Melissa. That woman made me totally berserk with her dogs. And for a grand-Lady like me it is hard to take, no wonder I'm on Tsar Valmont's side now.

Janet:sssst... Melissa doesn't know the fur is covered with clothes-moth. Good for her ;D I'm delighted to be your lady-in-waiting, what does your other niece J think of it? By the way there are wonderful new fragrances:Maroussia and the other one is a lovely smell Rasputinia, I can buy some in Paris if you like.

But first I have to do some spy-business for your Uncle Valmont. ;)

Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on April 28, 2004, 05:23:32 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Mr. Paul Burrell faxed his resume to me today. He asked me to pass it on to you as you might very well be needing a butler of his caliber in the very near future.  When Lilibet visits you, he will help her and Prince Philip feel right at home. He also is very experiened in sneaking people in and out of palaces in the boot of a car...and he only needs an odd day off here and there to make an appearance on Larry King Live or the Sharon Osborne talk show.

I thought the article in the National Inquirer about the woman known by the code name "Dancingshoes and Balaliaka" who alleges all sorts of terrible motives on my part was just a teensy bit unfair, to say the least. And the bit about me stealing her furs, which she then alleges she made sure were full of moths before hand...well, as grandmere once said, don't dignify those accusations with a response. The worst part was when she said she hated my dogs. Poor Ortino II is crushed.

After careful consideration, I think a sweet little cottage of about 12,000 square feet or so in the Style Moderne would do nicely. It is so kind of you to offer me a choice in the matter. Also loved the faux sable full length coat you sent over. For the record, it still had the tags on it from Saks Fifth Avenue. Such a thoughtful Tsar-you even spare the life of the little sables in the forest. How can anyone think you anything but generous and good?   Ciao for now, Melissa K.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 28, 2004, 05:41:45 PM
Janet,
I told you not to tell anyone about the Tea party I was organizing for Rodger..

Do you think he might still suspect if I promisse to introduce him to Issadora instead of Irina?

Arturo
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 28, 2004, 06:27:05 PM
Psst! Uncle Val! Over here!   :P

I didn't know the arsenic and old mace party was for Rodger--I thought it was for Doug! Mea culpa!!!  :-[

Yes, Isadora will do. Also Imelda, Isolde and Ione.  :)

Your penitent niece--

The Grand Duchess/Grand Princess Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 28, 2004, 06:38:04 PM
Your Imperial Majesty Tsar Doug:

May it please your majesty, I was but in jest suggesting the title of Imperial Courtesan. Indeed, it is a profession rather than a title, and a thousand apologies if I have offended Your Imperial Majesty's sensibilities. Also, I most heartily thank you for allowing me but two titles at this point in time; may we consider a third at some time in the future?

And, as you wish, horse-whipping deferred.

Now, off to one's room without blinis, I remain

The Grand Duchess and Grand Princess Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on April 28, 2004, 06:54:42 PM
Public Notice in Compliance with 501(c)(3) Charitable organizations public disclosure requirements.

In response to a demand for audit filed by certain individuals, the Claimant Committee does hereby and forthwith reply to the scurillous and unfounded allegations set forth in the nuisance complaint.

Our first action is to file a 12-b-6 motion in Federal Court citing a failure on the part of the claimant in question to bring a grievance the court can address.

And regarding the wild and largely unprovable allegations made by the government that the Claimant Committee was squandering donation funds on 'floozies and booze' at an adult bistro in New Orleans, the Claimant Committee's legal counsel has advised us not to dignify such a outrageous allegation with a public comment.

Moreover, the administrative practices of the Claimant Committee are completely above board and conform to the letter of the requirements of GAAP.  The allegation that the Committee is using potential future donations to fund vacations and new cars on credit is shocking and outrageous.  

We will not stand for this sort of thing and are really disappointed that potential claimants whom have not conformed to the letter the rules the Committee has set forthwith, in particular failure to pay the filing fees for appeals, are trying to bypass these reasonable and evenly applied rules by appealing to the courts.  We feel this practice is counter productive to the solemn and noble mission of the Claimant Committee.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 29, 2004, 11:36:50 AM
Janet,
You were right!!.. The Mad Hat tea party was for DOUG indeed. .. The plans for Valmontsky are driving me crazy.
Ok..
Everything remains as planned..

HIH Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 29, 2004, 12:54:30 PM
Memo to Potential Lady-in-Waiting Anna:

How's the spy business for my Uncle Val coming along?

And, having been a woman scorned myself at times (alas, royalty doesn't always have its priviledges) I understand your situation, and would be more than happy to give you employment. Can't speak for my fellow Grand Duchess Jane, tho . . . we'll await her pronouncement.

Also, appreciate your good intentions, but nix on the Rasputinia. Just the sound of it gives me nausea--at best it probably smells like an old banana.   ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on April 29, 2004, 03:59:51 PM
Woof
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 29, 2004, 04:37:05 PM

Pssstt...
Tsar Doug...
I think I think it's for you...   ;D

HIH Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 29, 2004, 05:28:16 PM
Hello all and a most gracious kiss for loyalists:

My oh my, I see that I  was invited to some nefarious Tea Party.  I would be most happy to attend but I will bring my own refreshments, plus a platoon of Imperial bodyguards....if you all don't mind.  Not to be rude ....but just being prudent.  You've got to be PRUDENT.

Greetings Melissa!  Hope your household is doing well and please inform them that they are always welcome at the Tsars' Village.  I'll let you know when your Dasha Moderne is complete.  I love the way it clashes and sets off the Alex Palace.  They look so different....very moderne indeed!

I have my mint busy casting toy soldiers.  So far I have about  two thousand.  When I set them out they look just like a real army.  Sometimes I can spend all day just getting them in their straight lines.  Call me crazy but I love it.  Remember,  it is never too late to have a happy childhood.

I feel so sad for HIH Arturo.  He is having such a problem with the plans for his Valmontschloss.  I told you, Arturo, that  drawings on dinner napkins are not the proper way one designs a house.  Just get some photos and say,  "make it like that!!".

Ole,

Douglas.....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on April 29, 2004, 06:41:03 PM
and as usual..."woof" gets nothing.  I'm begining to feel like some of the morganatic branches of the Romanoff...

Perhaps I'm a Romanovsky-Woofinsky....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 29, 2004, 06:56:20 PM
Ilana is so close to Irina and Ilena, you should get something!  8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 29, 2004, 07:07:35 PM

Douglas my dear,
I guess it is true what they say that people only talks of what they know..
I know nothing about paper napkins.. to be honest, I do not know what those artefacts are  and what they are for, as well as Paris Hilton did not know what a well was.. (toucher).
My problem is that I cannot find a perfect spot for Valmontsky, and has nothing to do with plans.

Best regards

HIH Arturo
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 29, 2004, 07:17:58 PM
GD/GP Janet,

Your uncle should send me the details of his mtDNA analysis and a copy of uncle Francesco's diary by special courier but obviously he's out of money.He didn't respond I'm still waiting for his instructions and tired of playing the balalaika.....sigh. Not nice of him,after all I went through. Alas the spy-business can be very tough  8)

Meanwhile I'll have that chat with Lillibet (sorry for the Lilybeth, I'm half foreign).As you know she can be very obstinate so I'll have to mention the jewels carefully. EEEEK she's also having dogs. I'm still having nightmares about the ones of Melissa. I've had it with Woofs :P I'll send a bottle of Rasputinia to her (Tsar Doug hates banana's).

Nice of you to call my "Potential" I'll keep up Ladies-power. Please contact me at the Ritz...Imperial Suite...
One has to keep up one's dignity you know.

Yours sincerely,

Potential Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 29, 2004, 10:23:38 PM
Alas, dear Anna, what can I say? My uncle is a proud and imperious man. I'm so sorry about your prolonged sessions with the balalika, but when they next remake Dr. Zhivago, I'm sure you'll be able to find extra employment.

Yes, I'm afraid Lillibet does have a number of Corgis running about the palace, but take heart in that now and then one of them kills another one. I wonder why Felix and Dmitri did not think of simply enlisting a pack of the little tail-waggers the night they invited Rasputin for tea and cakes?

And yes, I do understand the need to keep up one's appearance, although The Imperial Suite at The Ritz does seem a bit extreme. Oh well, better than The Ritz than La Paris Hilton.  And perhaps they are giving you blinis for balalika music?

Your friend,

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. We are all foreign to someone, my dear Anna! And furthermore, since the Revolution we have all been citizens of the world. Even during those times when you trade in your trenchcoat for a kokoshnik, never forget!



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 30, 2004, 09:23:19 AM
Everyone keeps mentioning Paris Hilton.  Yes, I have seen Paris and she is a darling blonde.  I am fond of her sister as well and both are welcome to visit us at the Tsars' Village.  

Does anyone think we need a Hilton in the Tsars' Village?

I hope that everyone is not  as confused as I am with all these names.

All the best,

Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 30, 2004, 10:44:19 AM
Important memo to GD/GP Janet,

I must say the spy-business is coming along quite well, thank you 8)

Yesterday a man appeared at the lobby of the Ritz, calling himself "Eddie R.". He told me he discovered some
secret documents, amongst them a letter concerning a certain mister Doug H. Eddie looked rather suspicous to me because of his sloping (fake) moustache and heavy Russian accent. He left at once saying there were other documents waiting for him to be discovered, so he could finish his book. This Eddie must have been Edvard Radzinsky don't you think so?

I read the secret letter and my oh my -such mystery :(
Do you remember the disappearance of Agatha Christie some years ago? Well it seems she had a love affair with
one of the Kozaks at the court of an uncle of your uncle Val, in the Crimea.
The name of the Kozak was " Huntzingeratsky: (RING A BELL???) There was also a birth certificate of a son named Doug!
It seems to me Tsar Doug is a fraud with no claims to the throne. Oh that poor little GD Melissa and her dogs.
Tsar Doug can forget about Paris Hilton and sister, they are not interested in a Kozaks son.

Now urge your Uncle Val, what to do. It looks like he doesn't want to know me anymore :'( But I'm used to it..
the same experience with Sidney Reilly you know, he left me too. I'll go on with the investigations about uncle Francesco. A woman's got to do what a woman's got to do.
I think I've earned that title Lady- in waiting.

I spy Anna ;)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 30, 2004, 02:25:08 PM
Agent Anna:

Eddie R.? I was thinking of Eddie Rabbit.

But if it is Mr. Radzinsky, have a care . . . he does like like to pass off conjecture as fact!  :-/

Dear Agatha. But all those uncles! It is making me quite dizzy. (By the way, ever notice that "uncle" is almost the same as "clue"? Hmmm!  ;) )

As for the Crimea--actually, anything is possible in the Crimea. "A loaf of bread (hell with the carbs), a jug of wine, and the Crimea"--that's my personal motto.

Now, regarding Tsar Doug--the so-called Tsar Doug, just between you and me ;)--methinks we must move with all due haste. To arms! To arms!

As for Sidney R., I'm sorry, I didn't see the miniseries, but I'm sure he was, as you infer, a cad.  Uncle Val, however, is quite another matter . . . but, it is most important that we convince him to mobilize. And excuse the plain-spokenness, but Melissa and her dogs must shift for themselves.  :'(

In other words, the moment has arrived!

Yours for better blinis--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 30, 2004, 04:45:33 PM
Hmmm! Uncle....Clue? You clever girl!

Maybe Agatha can give us a hint.


Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 30, 2004, 06:53:02 PM
Alas, no longer a clever girl :'(--clever GD/GP perhaps, but not a clever girl!

HIH
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on April 30, 2004, 07:14:41 PM
Dear niece  my little Anna,
I had not forgotten you. I could not get in touch for  I had been kidnapped. Now that I read your posting, my little one, I came to the conclusion it was the SAME person that paid you a visit. perhaps he also wanted to kidnap you. The moment I saw that fake mustach falling down I tried to run, but a dog bite on my ankle stop me from doing it. Next thing I knew, I was in a library, in the mistery novels section.. It was so strange, now I realize why.

I escaped with the help of Mrs. Maple, a charming senior citizen who heard my screams after three days...you know how it is...
Do not worry about anything, Fortunately, they did not find my faberge box,  where all the evidence is.
I already talked to Prince Albert, and he says he knows none by the name Doug, and he will be willing to  give us "sanctuary" at the Monaco palace.
Now, I want to thank the Claimant comittee for their wonderfull  work toward the comunity, and I want to anounce that my first official  act, will be to give the Claimant comittee the "Order of Sr. Frogs" as soon as I can get to St. Petersburg.
Now, the weekend is comming, and we have to party, so Janet my dear, why don't you meet Anna and my self (alone with 2,000 people I invited to the reception) in the Ritz Royal suite. ?

People with mustache will not be allowed.

Best Regards,

HIH Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on April 30, 2004, 10:12:30 PM
Woo hoo, Uncle Val, you're so right--party hearty! See you and Anna and Prince Al soon; I'll bring along my September 2003 issue of Vanity Fair--the one with the profile of all (well, almost all) the current royals--so I can recognize him.

Oh, and I promise to leave my mustache at home!

Your dutiful niece--

GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 01, 2004, 12:47:29 PM
My dear dear HIH Arturo,

I'm so glad you're safe and sound :D I knew it.......... it did crossed my mind ...Kidnapped! Yes Eddie R works for Doug, I know all about it. But he's a double-spy so that's why he gave me that letter about Dougies secret past. I hope they didn't feed you any dog-food  :P

Oooh whoopie.......a real ball. It will be my first ( don't know what to wear). My first Waltz is for you my dearest, I'll write it down in my ball-book. There will be a real Russian orchestra I presume. And when they have a break I shall play my balalaika :D And of course lots and lots Blinis?

Be aware of Dougs and Melissa's, strange how quiet they are lately.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on May 04, 2004, 10:29:33 AM
Dear Committee,

Thank you for your kind reply.  I just returned from seeing the queen....Victoria, that is.....she was standing outside the B.C. parliment building....nice old lady!! Funny, she had never heard of this committee!

Someone...I think Janet...dubbed me a Grand Duke!!  That's enough for me!  I have never wanted to run a country....the GD's have more fun!!!   ;D  Besides, they have a better chance of escaping if things get out of hand.  Of course I'm sure Tsar Valmont or Tsar Doug...the Co-Tsars wouldn't let that happen.  Gotta watch out for those provisional governments, though!!

Grand Duke Reed
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 04, 2004, 12:45:37 PM
GD Reed,

Ever so nice of you to stay a Grand Duke. There can only be one Tsar and you know who I mean. I haven't heard much of him and his niece lately, so I hope they are not kidnapped again.

Seen queen Victoria? That must have been a ghost as I had tea and a nice chat with Lillibet some days ago. Read my earlier posts. But you're invited to the ball at the Ritz. If there's place in my ball-book maybe we can make al little dance :D

Roger: Bring the bartender from the Elephant Bar to the ball, and a good bottle of Vodka.( Two is even better) ;)

Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on May 04, 2004, 01:31:46 PM
Oh my goodness!!!  Catching up on my reading!!  Now there are "3" Tsars???  That's almost like there being "3" Popes at one point in time!!   ???  I'm SO glad I decided to remain a Grand Duke!  Thank you, Anna, for the wonderful invitation to the ball at the Ritz.  It's will be an exciting time.  I hope the two royal personages haven't been kidnapped either!   :-/  Hopefully, the faberge box hasn't been emptied!

Cheers!
GDR
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on May 04, 2004, 02:46:36 PM
Not kidnapped . . . but y'know something? Vodka and champagne make one heckuva combination!

Party on . . . I think . . .

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on May 05, 2004, 08:55:54 PM
I am not claiming anything for myself by any means -- yet as for at least those seven members of my far-famed, world-renowned Imperial Budgerigar Court (TM; patent applied for, and all that jazz) that have Russian names, I would like to claim spiritual kinship with the Emperor's birds, which inhabited the Mountain Hall and must certainly have delighted OTMA and Alexei Nikolaevich with all THEIR chatter. ::) ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 05, 2004, 11:46:46 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Many thanks for the paint chips to select the shade for the Style Moderne Cottage exterior. Never knew there could be so many different shades of mauve...

Loved your appearance on ANTIQUE ROADSHOW with your toy soldiers. It was so cute when you said that it was never too late to have a happy childhood. I don't think those twins who hosted your segment entirely got it. They were more interested in the storage cabinate than the toy soldiers, and the fact the cabinate had never been refinished...

The lovely lady with the Imperial Budgies would be a great addition to the Mountain Hall. So cheerful on gray days, and so in keeping with the spirit of restoration...

The most peculiar little package arrived a few days ago. Dreadful bottle of something called "Rasputinia" or some such thing. No return address. I can guess who sent it.

Is there any truth to the rumor that MAJESTY MAGAZINE is interviewing all the claimants and the committee for an upcoming article?

Do you think that sending the Claimant Committee "the Supersize Margarita Machine as seen on QVC" was a little over the top?  Caio for now, Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 06, 2004, 10:43:20 AM
Dear Melissa, Ortino II and friends of the Imperial Court:

That was a lot of fun being on Antiques Roadshow.  Now they want to see my private jewell collection.  I graciously declined.  You can understand that the Tsar never displays his jewels...as least in public.

Been busy applying for a visa and new passport.  The clerk wanted to know my occupation.  I wispered "Tsar"...and she said, " Oh...really?".  I never argue or lie to a government employee.  Always tell the truth.  

When I arrive at  the airport in St. Petersburg I am sure they will accord myself and the entourage special treatment.  The ambassador said he would send a police car for me.  I think that is real thoughtful.  At first I requested a limo but they feel a police car would be safer.  Those Russians  are so smart...they think of everything.

Yes, Majesty Magazine is doing an article on the various potential  Tsars.  I'll let you know when they call us for the photo session. Be sure to bring Ortino.    

Time for tea......

Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on May 06, 2004, 12:45:16 PM
Uncle Val (hic!), where are you Uncle Val? (hic! hic!)

You realize, of course, that one of those dastardly pretenders--in this case, the so-called Tsar Doug--is moving closer and closer to St. P? Yikes! Perhaps we should be sobering up?!

By the way, Grand Duke Reed, can't remember if it was I who granted you your dukedom (my apologies; too many champagne and vodka spritzers of late), but your modesty behooves you, and also isn't too bad, policy-wise, re: job security.

As was once said by someone far more sage than you or I, "Once a Grand Duke . . . Always a Grand Duke."  

;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 06, 2004, 01:41:24 PM
GD/GP Janet

I told you so, bubbles and Vodka is not a good combi, but very.....(hic). Nice party indeed. Yes uncle val vanished again, not an easy boss to work for. So spy-business is calling.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 06, 2004, 03:36:46 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Do you think the other claimants need to go to a nice place in Crimea to take a rest cure? There is alot of hiccuping going on. Also hear they eat caviar with a soup spoon while imbibing...but that could just be a rumor. Or maybe I am getting my rumors confused, and that caviar rumor was about the Claimant Committee...

I am having photographic studies of Ortino's ears made, as well as extensive DNA bloodwork, in order to substantiate his case. Those ear pictures may come in handy-you never can tell. (I know, I know-there must be a strict chain of custody re: the samples.) Melissa K. & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 06, 2004, 03:39:39 PM
I think I'll find him in the Elephant Bar or that club in South Beach, with Rodger, discussing the Fabergé-box.
He must make a move now. We can't allow him to be a weak Tsar and what about Valmontsky palace?


Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 06, 2004, 05:15:15 PM
Melissa and Courtiers:

Yes, I have come to understand that  the Claimant Committee  never  takes  a drink before six. Of course they mean six AM.  They're all a bunch of crypto Windsors.

Caviar?  Oh, yes, I have heard all about that.  They even like caviar and peanut butter sandwiches...can you imagine that?  Then they wash it all down with diet Pepsi!   So decadent.

Even Anna, a modern day Mata Hari, has had  a little too much of the old schnaps today.  Poor dear, what to do.

Even our dear Janet W. [party hardy]  is a little wobbly  today.  She can't tell whether she's  a duchus or a dukus.

I must have the butlers collect all of the bottles around the palace and put them in a safe place....my room.

Ortino is the Imperial pooch by royal decree.  So be it!  And Coal is the Imperial kitty cat.  I have spoken!

Here comes the tea tray........

Douglas

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on May 07, 2004, 11:05:00 AM
Greetings everyone,
I must apologize for  being absent for so long. I have to confess I was on  a trip trying to have a "private" interview with the Claimant comitee. So I went to the Elephant bar, in Ny, then I went to   Los cabos and I was told at Sr. Frogs, that they had no seen him since  he wonderfully donated time at the kitchen, then, I went to "Las baritas' in La paz, and  I have to say  Juanita and Mary Ann, who work on the local table top dancer's bar, were very polite after I told them I was the new tsar. Deep down I think they wanted me to buy them a house near by the river, and started to ask me if I had  cute cousins.
I even tried to contact UPS, to find out the address they had delivered the Jumbo Margarita maker, the claimant comitee had received to improve  their facilities..but  the guy from UPS told me they were calling the police when I told him I was the new Tsar, I guess he was concerned with my protection, and did not want  to cause an international incident, same as happened with Mexico and Cuba. can you imagine, Russia and the USA at war again, and this time over a tracking number??
Anyway.
I shall continue my search for the claimant comitee today at the local bars in Tijuana. It is going to be a hell of a job to  check them all, especially for today is Friday and the bars will be packed. But I want you to know that I do not do it for  my own personal pleasure, but I do it for Russia..

"For the past is past and will never return, the future we know not, and only the bars we can call our own.."

P.S. valmontsky is coming out  just great..

HIH Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 07, 2004, 02:42:06 PM
Greeting all from the Petit Palace of the Tsar:

I have had a change of heart.  In all of my Imperial graciousness I have decided that  Arturo and myself can be co-tsars.  Arturo can flip a coin to see who gets which  wing of the palace.

The Parade Rooms  I decree belong to Melissa and other of the lady courtiers.  

How's that for royal fairness?

Also, I want to thank Tsar Arturo for taking the time and tremendous effort to scour the bars of the planet in search for the Claimant Committee.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 07, 2004, 02:54:02 PM
Continued:

I can only  imagine the suffering Arturo has to endure  in Tiajuana.  Only a true patriot  would go from bar to bar looking fo the elusive Committee.  Yes, he truely does it for his love of Russia.

Yes, Melissa, I did hear a rumor that one of the Committee is at a spa at Yalta...taking the 'cure'.  I hear he's been going there for years.   I understand he commutes regularly from South Beach to the Crimea  on a  monthly basis.

Keep up the good work Arturo, and try and stay from those table top dances...they do not make for good Imperial Courtiers.

Here come some more royals looking for Imperial favors...does it ever end?

HIH  Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 07, 2004, 05:34:53 PM
Dear Doug,

You said it yourself "Petit Palace" We have our own Grand Valmontsky, thank you very much.

Tsar Valmont had to make this bar-tour. One has to make acquaintance with all sorts of people. He's already very popular you know. They offer him salt and bread in every bar.

At least our court is a merry one. We like the bubbles and the peanut butter sandwiches. Your tea tradition is sooooo boring.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 07, 2004, 07:49:39 PM
...what about the imperial dog???

Woof?????? :-[
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on May 07, 2004, 09:48:28 PM
and which Ortino? there were two Ortino's (just like the two Jemmys). Not to mention that the Claimant Committee's bar tab has YET to be paid by the application fees of claimants....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 08, 2004, 12:03:22 PM
Dear Co-Tsar Doug,

How clever of you to come up with this gracious compromise. And the Parade Rooms would work nicely.

As your well-attended and much-admired Imperial Teas are done with so much elegance, and the champagne compliments the Earl Grey so nicely with those lovely salmon sandwiches among three courses of sumptuous treats from Yeliseyev's on Nevskiy Prospeky, how could anyone call them BORING? Paul Burrell slaves over the whole thing. He tries so hard. Sad to say that you cannot say the same about Prince Albert. He can't seem to get the macarena down...or keep from eating all the brown bread sandwiches before anyone else can have just one. No wonder he is merely a Serene Highness. Ciao for now, Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 08, 2004, 05:33:27 PM
The committee is too kind.

I have the honor to present:

HIH The Grand Duchess Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky-Romanovsky.

You may bow... or better yet, send bones.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on May 11, 2004, 02:08:47 PM
Excuse me, but I have a cat called Rex. That name alone should qualify him for some sort of royal recognition. However, I have it on good authority that lurking in his past is a predecessor by the name of Vaska. Could it be? Possibly! At any rate, Rex is demanding an audience and a review.

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 11, 2004, 02:39:41 PM
Dear Janet:

All this chit chat about your doggie Rex is most unusual in relation to your  various and  erstwhile spurious claims of royal entitlements.  Let's just solve the matter of  'Rex' by issuing him a suitable royal title and just let it go at that.  I cannot spend all of my time blessing and conferring royal titles on a barnyard of barking and screeching animals.  

I gave Melissa's Ortino II a title and now everyone is all over me to grant  their darling pooches a royal degree of favors.   Enough is enough already.

Dear Melissa:

You are always welcome at the afternoon teas with the Imperial Court.  Maybe next week we'll show a movie about  how to behave in royal circles.  Please bring the popcorn and I'll supply the bonbons.

I notice that HIH Arturo is very quiet this week.  I hope he made  it  home after his marathon search through the bars of Tiajuana.

HIH   Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on May 11, 2004, 03:02:09 PM
He's a cat.   >:(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 11, 2004, 04:14:08 PM
Dear  GD  Janet:

Please accept my apology about  your cat Rex.  It just seems that  just as soon as I give a  title to one cat, every cat in the Tsars Village   wants one.

For now we'll call Rex, the cat,  His Most  Imperturbable Imperial Palace Felis Domestica, REX.

Back to reading the Urantia Book.......

HIH   Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 11, 2004, 04:32:56 PM
HIH Douglas,

You looked to deep into the tea-pot sir, can't see the difference between cats and dogs anymore? What has  become of you? :o I think it's called the Ortino-effect.

GD/GP Janet:How lovely having animals at Valmontsky, but what about my goldfish Rupert? Big animals causes so much trouble at the border, thence I kept it small. But can Rex the imperial cat be trusted with my little Rupert? We can't allow dogs into our palace don't you think so?

I do know the whereabouts of HIH uncle Val, I'm not able to give you any info at this moment -oath of secrecy.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 11, 2004, 06:01:45 PM
Dear Anna--

The Ortino effect was in effect as early as last week when HIH misread my GD/GP title as duchus/dukus. Hmm! I'll admit to being tipsy now and then, but at least I can manage my spirits!
Rex is actually one of those old-fashioned royals who expects everything done for him. So have no fears for Rupert, since Rex Rex (well, I guess that's how he'd sign his name) expects the rest of us to be his servants, and Rupert is therefore quite safe.

As for Uncle Val--well, I can't believe that he would keep me in suspense about his whereabouts. So go ahead, I won't tell anyone!   8)

The Grand Duchess / Grand Princess Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Johnny on May 12, 2004, 04:49:27 AM
Sorry for joining the game so late. But so far I think I am the most qualified to be a Tsar. First of all, both my parents are from Russia. OK, my mom is from Baku/Azerbaydjian, but that was part of Imperial Russia too. My parents both speak Russian, although my mom speaks it with an Armenian accent. And I am already an Orthodox, no need for conversion. Actually, I belong to the Armenian Apostolic church, wich most people including many Armenians think is part of the Orthodox church (it is not, and has never been!) so I guess that's good enough. My grandmother was actually a princess, Sofia Bagdanovna Melik-Yeganova, with an uncanny resemblence to Xenia, and with a sister called Xenia, the other sister being Sussana. My mom thought my grandma (her mother-in-law) was a nasty old woman, but that has never disqualified anyone for royal titles. In fact the opposite is probably more true. Oh, one more thing that makes me even more qulified: All our family property was confiscated by Stalin in the 30s. Besides, I won't even need a consort because I speak English, Russian and Italian (a reasonably good substitute for French), and I have just moved to Berlin and am in the process of learning German. Berlin is not that far from the Danish border, either. So, there! So what more do you need?! Just don't give me that DNA crap. I don't believe in modern science anyways.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Johnny on May 12, 2004, 05:19:07 AM
I want my CROWN! I want my CROWN! NOW! :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 12, 2004, 07:53:57 AM
Johnny,

Do you have cats or dogs? Love goldfish? Fond of bubble's and peanut butter sandwiches?

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 12, 2004, 11:14:08 AM
Dear Tsar Doug,

Have you heard any word from your potential Co-Tsar? Did he survive his Tequila Diplomatic Mission?


Dear Claimant Johnny,

While your pedigree and language abilities sound impressive, please be advised that "DNA ****" is just a teensy bit unTsarlike. You are cordially invited to Tsar Doug's "How To Behave Like Royalty Film Retrospective" next Friday night at 7PM in the Astoria Hotel Grand Ballroom. Bonbons and popcorn will be served, along with the vodka & caviar bar. Admission is free, but donations are accepted. We are waiting for Tsar Doug to let us know which films he has selected, at which point Mr. Paul Burrell will do up a program, complete with the double eagle cipher on front. Out of courtesy, Tsar Doug will leave the initials off the cipher until the Claimant Committee makes an official decison. Goody bags will also be presented to each guest, contents to be described at a later date. Claimant pets are also cordially invited. Do hope to see you there!  Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 12, 2004, 11:55:42 AM
No no no, Melissa and Doug, Vodka and Caviar? What about your membership of the tea bag club?

Johnny be aware they are going to talk you into that boring club.

GD/GP Janet, you know where to find me next friday 7pm
(AHGB). Hasta la Vista- I'll be back.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 12, 2004, 01:26:17 PM
With apologies to the old MGM movie studio slogan, "More tsars than there are in heaven."   ;)

Honestly, Tsar Presumptive Johnny, you'll just have to wait your turn.  Crowns aren't easy to come by, y'know. Besides, they can be rather heavy at times. Trust me, I know--even the simplest of kokoshniks can pinch now and then.

Now as for Melissa and Ortino II, am I also invited to the film retrospective? If so, be advised that I never go anyplace without my entourage, and that my entourage does include my very royal cat Rex. His presence will not unduly incovenience Ortino II, I hope?

And last but certainly not least, my very dear dear lady-in-waiting/spy extraordinairre Anna, who quite rightly--along with my dear Uncle Valmont the Co-Tsar--knows what makes for a truly royal get-together, i.e., champagne and peanut butter sandwiches. (The bubbles can tickle your nose while you're dealing with the peanut butter and bread stuck to the roof of your mouth. Most amusing, I assure you.) Take care, my dear little Annuska, and until next Friday at 7 p.m., I remain

The Grand Duchess / Grand Princess Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 12, 2004, 05:59:25 PM
Dear All,

Of course everyone is invited to the Film Retrospective next Friday. It should be so much fun that Tsar Doug has thoughtfully reserved a block of suites that will be available to each of you at a special group rate. Be sure to mention "Tsar Doug" when registering at the Astoria. As the hotel's imperial pet policy is quite liberal, according to the Event Planner Serge Pavlov, as long as "your imperial animal companion is under your control at all times and you guarantee the pet room deposit with VISA or AMERICAN EXPRESS. Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 12, 2004, 06:35:48 PM
I will come, but I must insist that HIH The GD Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky-Romanovsky (or is it Woofinsky-Barkinsky-Romanovsky), oh, who the h*** cares, gets her due.  She doesn't drink tea, so please have the following available in her goody bag:

1. filtered water
2. table scraps from the Russian Tea Room
3. a very soft cushion to lie on
4. milk bones that are room temperature

Rex and Ortino II should be aware that HIH will be adressed as, well, er... HIH.

Got it??

Woof.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 12, 2004, 06:41:07 PM
Please don't confuse the the GD Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky-Romanovsky's / Woofinsky-Barkinsky-Romanovsky's goody bag with mine.

Woofingly yours,

The GD / GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 12, 2004, 07:22:20 PM
Dear Courtiers:

We  have decided to show the 1934 film 'Catherine the Great'.  It stars Douglas Fairbanks and Elisabeth  Bergner.  I assume  Liz is the Tsarina.  Everyone should pay attention and take notes as there might be a pop quiz at the end of the film.

Also, we  may show a Jerry Lewis film so you get the idea that our Imperial Court will be a fun time for all.

If anyone has other ideas for this film series please post your film ideas.  BTW, the Three Stooges films  are not acceptable!

Hello Tsar want- to-be, Johnny!  Are you the same 'Johnny' that I saw last week at the Sugar Shack?  It seems like you are popping up on every Romanov website in the Solar System.  If you are the same, at least you do look like a Tsar  from the photos of you I have seen.  

Oh, Johnny, forget all that stuff  about your pedigree for Tsardom.  What really matters if you want to be Tsar is how you smell.  The right mojo is a  combination of aftershave and pipe smoke.  Don't overdo the makeup.

Also, anyone can wear their medals at Court Functions.  They can be old military medals, Boy Scouts, Brownies, etc. But please keep in mind that you must provide proof that you actually were awarded the ribbons and medals.  None of this, buying them from thrift shops on  Nevsky    Street, Melrose Blvd. or  Greenwich Village.

HIH   D.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 12, 2004, 09:28:15 PM
Imperial Court Notice


It has just been announced that HIH Melissa will be Imperial  usherette at the Astoria for our film programme.

She'll be in her red uniform with the little pillbox hat and the gold trim.  She'll be armed with a flashlight and will take the names of all those who are caught caroming  in the dark.

Anna will be Candy Counter Girl,  HIH Janet has charge of the royal animals [doggie duty, so to speak], Llana will provide the milkbones, Admin will collect the tickets and Tsar Arturo [Uncle Val] will run the projector.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 13, 2004, 12:07:27 AM
Dear All,

Just to ease your wannabe imperial minds, the goody bags are going to be very memorable. Mr Paul Burrell has been beating off vendors with a  stick, so to speak.

The Imperial Pet Goody Bag can be customized to a degree. Preferences listed on this website before 6PM tomarrow, May 13th (new style), will be accomodated to all possible extent. Faberge doggie and kitty collars along with Burberry pet coats are a sure thing. The gold fish get Swedish crystal bowls. The birdies get, what else?, gilded cages...

The Imperial Personage Goody Bags promise to be spectacular. More details to follow...

Could I please switch out my red Imperial Usherette Uniform for one in mauve? Maybe the pillbox hat could have a little veil?And maybe a wee ostrich plume? I will be happy to take down the names of the naughties with my Faberge gold notepad and pencil set. Can anyone find me a tasteful flashlight? Maybe in Martha Stewart green?

Mr. Paul Burrell wants to assure everyone that both creamy and crunchy peamut butter will be served. He does insist that tea be brewed. NO TEABAGS. Ciao for now, Melissa and Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 13, 2004, 11:55:06 AM
Please check with HIH GD Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky-Romanovsky on sizes of Milkbones.  We can only provide those that have been pre-arranged.

We would like to see ROMANOFF AND JULIET, but only because if you show ANASTASIA, we plan to bark through the entire thing.

(I can get used to this imperial we)

Woof!

Ilana
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 13, 2004, 01:50:57 PM
I maybe sweet, but I don't wannabe a Candy Counter Girl :(.  Tho I can play my balalaika if you want.
We (Tsar Val, GD/GP Janet and I -Lady-in waiting/Spy )will visit for a short while--as we have other more interesting obligations-- your film retrospective.

As a matter of fact we don't need to learn by film how to behave like Royals. We are Royals, it's in our blood you know. We know how to deal with tickeling noses when drinking bubbles. My Nanny used to teach me.

Btw Doug, you should see the film "The man who would be King ( in your case Tsar)".It's a story about a fraud.
Have a nice day.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 13, 2004, 02:23:09 PM
Dearest Anna:

I made a copy of your post above and took it to lunch today.  We had a great time at the palace of a  loyal courtier.

While we  read your post with much  chortle, giggles, guffaws, titter and  laughter,  the one thing I did remember most about our luncheon was the wonderful food that was served by the  butlers and footmen.

 Melissa and her friend were  present.  Maybe we can invite you next time.

Yes, you are most welcome to play your musical instrument at  our programme of films.

Have a nice day....

HIH    D.
Title: .e: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 13, 2004, 02:34:27 PM
As Lady-in-Waiting Anna suggests, those of the true aristocracy will visit but not stay. However, during our stay I will certainly assume charge of the dear little cainines, since no worthwhile task--cleaning grates, pooch patrol, etc.-- is ever beyond a real member of royalty.

Please clairfy, however, which Anastasia is to be shown; if it is the 1956 Ingrid Bergman film, I will be happy to stand at the front, facing the seats, and while the film is in progress act out the role Ms. Bergman so memorably essayed. If it is the upstart animated cartoon, however, I sincerely regret that I will be unable to sing along with Meg Ryan.

As for the other half of the double bill, I wonder if instead of the 1934 film, Catherine the Great, a restaging of a Mae West opus, Catherine Was Great, might be substituted? Thank you ever so much.

Yours for all sorts of dramatic possibilities--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Johnny on May 13, 2004, 04:18:36 PM
Doug,
No, I am not the Johnny you think. As I said in my claim to the Russian throne, I did move to Berlin, Germany last November, so the person you saw couldn't have been me.
Dear subjects and objects,
I should sincerely apologize for not being able to attend the Friday night grand event as my Yacht unStandard is still in the shop. And after certain terrorist activities recently I have stopped flying my private jet. So, you see, there really is no way for me to cross the ocean at this time. Perhaps, you would be kind enough to repeat the presentation sometime late June here in Potsdam's  Schloss Sans-Souci which was built by my great uncle Freddy (Frederick the Great, you know!) The place still belongs to the family, although it's rather too small, only 17 rooms. But, I am as modest as my Grand father Nicky (the Second, of course! Almost no need to mention it!) who was so content with just 100 rooms. I like it cosy too. Enjoy the Friday event!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 13, 2004, 05:58:05 PM
Johnny:

OK then there are now at least two  Johnnys  in the running to be Tsar.  Thank you for the clarification.

Yes, we will be repeating the Film Expo but not at your  uncle's  old schloss in Potsdam.  The repeat will be in Monaco.  Prince Albert has requested a showning. The Prince promised not to do the Macarena as he has not got all of the more difficult moves down yet.  

The next showing may be at the Imperial Palace in Tokyo.  The Japanese Imperial family is trying to get close to our royal court so that they can have influence with myself and Melissa. I do hope you all like sake.

Bonzai !!!!

All for now.

HIH D.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 15, 2004, 06:31:27 PM
Dear All,

So glad that you all enjoyed Tsar Doug's Filmfest last night and into the wee hours (5/14/04 N.S.)...the tiny little fact that we have all been banned for the rest of our natural lifetimes from the Hotel Astoria is a small matter. Mister Paul Burrell is still trying to get peanut butter off the ceiling of the Grand Ball Room. The chambermaids are still counting out the linens to establish the exact number of stolen towels. Aside from those small matters, things went off rather well. Still working on switching out the designer sunglasses for tins of caviar in the goody bags, per the request of some very picky people. Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 15, 2004, 07:42:48 PM
Dear Doug and Melissa,

Said so; you people cannot behave like real Royals. That's a fine mess--banned-- you're sure only from the Hotel Astoria? Not a bit further away? ;D
So sorry for the linens and the towels and the glasses and the....... they're missing, but I'm moving to another residence in a few days- no time to shop!

It was a rather nice filmfest, not quite but oké.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 15, 2004, 09:56:30 PM
Glad  the few that did manage to attend our FilmFest had a great time.

Melissa, a few courtiers  and myself are banned from the hotel for the season.  The reason was that  I secreted a few diamonds in a jar of peanut butter  and the  frantic  search did cause a bit of  a  mess on the linen table covers.   It was just one of my fun games that was a little over the top so to speak.

But I must apologize because quite a few of you did miss the gala event.  The reason being that  I failed  to send a messenger to all reporting to you that the Fest was at the Astoria Hotel in Butte,  Montana. My most sincere regrets.

We plan the next FilmFest at the Rialto in Katmandu, Nepal.  

Plan to be there and we'll see some more great films.

Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 16, 2004, 04:35:20 PM
Dear Doug and Melissa,

What's it gonna be Tokyo or Katmandu? I'm tired of hopping in and out limousines, my goldfish Rupert is getting very upset. And my hairdo get messed up all the time. I have to know cause I'm moving to another residence, so i'll be off for a while. In the meantime be nice to Tsar Valmont and GD/GP Janet.
We'll meet again soon.

Anna 8)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 16, 2004, 05:20:41 PM
Dearest GD/GP Janet and Tsar Valmont,

At this moment I'm sitting between boxes and trunks and my maids are running around to get things ready on time.
I have so say goodbye for a while.....sob.. as I'm moving to another place. (Spy-off so to say). Please take care of my little Rupert. Don't let Imp.Rex the cat hurt him. Promise to give him a peanut butter sandwiche and a glass of bubbles every day. If he's getting homesick, play my balalaika ( he loves "Lara's Theme"). When I'm settled, I will contact you.

Take care my dearies. Adieu :'(

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 16, 2004, 06:43:10 PM
Dearest Friends and/or Subjects:

I, too, must announce a temporary withdrawal into private life, as I seclude myself for work of a most focused and artistic nature, i.e., the setting down of words to paper.

Please forgive me for this abrupt drawing of the curtain, but we must do what we must do, and I know that all of you will carry on in admirable fashion whilst I am gone.

Fondly,

The GP/GD Janet


P.S. HRH Rex the Cat sends his blessings and promises not to hurt anyone or anything whilst his staff (i.e., the GD/GP) relenquishes some of her guard over him and turns instead to slave over her computer keyboard.




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reginald de Mimsy Porping on May 17, 2004, 06:49:03 AM
I suggest that it is jolly bad form that you lot are without a strict heirachy of powerful rulers. A frightfully bad show what.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reginald de Mimsy Porping on May 17, 2004, 07:08:25 AM
I was forced to cossack dance my way out of the cellar of Ipatiev house (I call it Ipatiev Mansion . .  sounds a far sight more uppercrust, you know?) all those years ago, and did a royal number on my back. As it was, I legged it away into a local establishment a few blocks away where I endulged in a few hearty pints of vodka to steady the old bean. My constitution has never fully regained after that scandalous evening and for this I claim my right to the thrown of the Mother Land, by jove!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 17, 2004, 02:19:55 PM
Was I there?

I'm so confused...

HIH The GD Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky Romanovsky
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 17, 2004, 05:44:26 PM
Dear Ilana:

You were at the FilmFest but you came dressed in your male attire. No wonder you didn't recognize yourself in the mirror.  I fully realize that  Catherine the Great used to go about in  her male attire but this event was not a costume ball. But just for the record you looked wonderful.

+   +    +     +     +    +     +

A couple of our  courtiers have retired to their country estates for a season but I do hope they can return to court functions.  Please send all of your official royal jewels to myself or Melissa for safe keeping during your hiatus.  No, dear ones,  a Xerox copy of them will not do.    

We may be having our next Imperial FilmFest at Area 51 in Nevada, USA.  I'll keep you posted as we may be able to travel there by UFO.

Stand by for directions to the landing site.

Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 17, 2004, 06:53:15 PM
Was that me??  Dayammm I looked good -- it's all that working out!

Ugh... what about Woofinsky-Barkinsky Romanovsky... ?she wants a place at the dias at Area 51.  Also wants to know if there will be food... she has a one track mind.  Guess it was the terrible escape from the bolshies.  Also, she wants to speak:

"Woof"....

Truer words were never spoke.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on May 18, 2004, 10:56:53 AM
Ok .. I am back !!
Damm.. The Japanesse  Goverment can be really tough to convince about  some  simple facts of life.. especially when there is a lot of gold involved... I must confess I was not very succesfull  getting the gold back, so, the Claimant comitee and your Imperial Highness (me) will be  very glad to accept any donations you can send in the attention of  "Dishwasher" or" Valet  parking"  at the "yo-komi" sushi bar, Ensenada beach, BC.
Same as ussuall, GD Janet and GD Jane will be glad to  give you a tax deductable receipt...

Best Regards,

Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Jane on May 18, 2004, 11:49:57 AM
Valmont, Your Majesty,

I will humbly accept the responsibility of dispensing the Imperial receipts whilst my sister GD Janet is on cyber-retreat.  Having only recently emerged from a similar self-induced yet necessary retreat as well (e.g. very big project at work), I must prostrate myself before Your Majesty and beg your magnanimous forgiveness for my shirking of my duties toward your august self.  Best regards to Uncle Francesco, etc.

Yr ever lovin' niece,

Jane
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 18, 2004, 11:08:49 PM
Dear Courtiers:

Oye ve, what a day!  I had to spend all day in a bodycast whilst the sculptors made a true and noble impression of  my entire anatomy...head to toe.  Naturally some parts were  more  delicate and difficult to cast than others.  I'll just leave it at that.

It seems that a few fine citizens of Moscow desire a  dramatic bronze statue of yours truely.... the Tsar.  Just imagine David with clothes on.

Jane:  Please  do not prostrate  serene self in front of Arturo of BC.  All you need to do is assume your rightful position as one of the ladies in eternal and perpetual  waiting  upon the imperial household of their majesties.

Ilana:  Woof...woof.

Melissa:  Hope all is well with your royal self.  Keep those darling little gifts coming.  Coal and I love the one with the scent of shoe polish and cigarette smoke.  So mysterious and royal.

Ta ta for now......

All the little birdies on jaybird street love to hear the birdies go tweet, tweet, tweet........

Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 20, 2004, 09:12:57 AM
Dear All,

Have spent this week slaving away at hands-on charity work. Next time I will be content to be the figurehead on the charity letter paper, believe you me! The do-good group I am laboring away for makes a Romanov Family Reunion circa 1914 look like a lovefest...

How exciting about the documentary! Even better than that big cover story next month in Majesty Magazine! Will the pet groomer be comped?

RE: The next Imperial Filmfest at Area 51...
Please be advised that "the truth is out there"....

Ciao for now,
Melissa & Ortino (the dog trying to decide which is his best profile side, either for being a film star or having coins, stamps and medals struck with his likeness)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 20, 2004, 04:07:04 PM
Dear  Royal  Ones:

Melissa:   Good to hear that you are keeping busy with your charity work.  But, remember that one can become over involved in this type of activity and ruin your health.  

There is one charity that is in need of attention.  That being the Society of Imperials.  This is a group of wonderful former and present royals that have fallen on hard times.  Let's plan to renovate one of the palaces so that they can live in the style they are more comfortable with. Contact me at  CoburgSaxe@cs.com for more information.

I do plan a statue of  Ortino II and the Imperial kitty cat Coal.  The perfect place for the placement would be  on a special island in the Imperial Park.

Valmont:  Good luck with your quest for gold.  I did see some gold coins the other day but I think they were just candy.  

Bye bye for now....

Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on May 20, 2004, 04:34:35 PM
Rodger,
Thank you for letting us know about the Documentary, But I am  already negociating with Paramount & Fox a movie about my life.. you know.. after Felix Yussupov, they  want to cover all the bases when there is  the word " Russian"  involved.... I was thinking about calling it.. "Valmont, Young Royalty who works--- Based on a true story"",  the story covers  from the time I  came to Tijuana and started to work in a Maquiladora, to the time I found the faberge Box outside my door".. I think there is  one or maybe two oscar nominations on this.. and I am only talking about the script... Do you think I should include the episode about Uncle francesco running  away from the Bolsheviks??

Please advice

HIH Valmont
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 24, 2004, 02:31:50 PM
Dear Courtiers:

Our plane just landed back home after a fab weekend in Madrid.  The Boda Real was  total glam,  what with all of our royal relatives in attendance.  We all got a bit wet though with the rain in Spain, etc.

 Price Charles look dreadful  and lonely in that gray suit.  He should have worn one of his uniforms at least. He's so stuffy and dull.

Price Albert attended looking  a bit, well, overfed.

Melissa wore one of her Fellini style hats and Ortino II had on his jeweled collar.

So it's now back to our imperial duties.

HIH D.





Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 26, 2004, 09:12:30 PM
Dear Tsar Doug & All,

The Royal Wedding in Madrid was lovely. Should have given a better gift than that dinky silver tray. At least it was sterling. Do you think that the gift had anything to do with the fact that I was seated next to the swinging door that led into the butler's pantry? The Queen of Spain was a little grumpy when I made my best curtsy. But maybe she thought a French Bulldog should not have been in the royal chapel, who knows? Caio for now, Melissa & Ortino
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 26, 2004, 10:25:24 PM
Was that me?  Was I there?

Woof....

Barkinsky-Woofinsky Romanov
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 26, 2004, 11:46:07 PM
Dear Ilana,

Yes, dearie, it was you. Yes, you were there. Caio for now, Melissa & Ortino
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 27, 2004, 03:53:02 PM
Dear HIH Melissa and Courtiers:

Oh dear, I just got a call from one of the Keno twins.

That little sterling silver tray that you bought at the flea market  in Casablanca and  gave to the new Princess Letizia for her  boda real  is worth  at least $43,000.

One of the twins that was at the reception and  sneaked a peek at the underside of the tray.  Lo and behold he discovered that the tray was from the Royal Palace in Mexico City and used to belong to Queen Carlotta and Emperor Max of Mexico!  Yikes!

Now the National Museum of Mexico wants  the tray back.    Let's just hope that Spain doesn't want  Mexico back also.

The lesson is that fortunes are just waiting at those garage sales and flea markets.  Just don't forget to call the Keno boys for a quick value check.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 27, 2004, 04:21:24 PM
OK, here's the deal fresh from the AP wires.

The Museum of Mexico gets  the silver tray and Spain gets Mexico back. Seems fair to me.


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 28, 2004, 04:10:33 PM
Melissa and Ortino,

Thanks for clearing that up for me.  One glass of champagne and I'm another person.

My German Shepardness must have looked grand there....

Love from
HIH GD Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky Romanovsky
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 29, 2004, 12:03:07 PM

Dear HIH Tsar Doug & All,

Since the sterling silver tray goes to the museum, and Mexico goes back to Spain, that means a REPLACEMENT wedding gift must be sent to replace the sterling tray valued at $40,000 give or take by that Keno twin person. Any suggestions?

P.S. I think the lady I was seated next to by the swinging pantry door at the wedding reception was Camilla Parker Bowles...to her credit, she liked Ortino alot.  Melissa K.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 29, 2004, 12:42:48 PM
Dear  HIH Melissa and Courtiers:

All the Imperial Courtiers wish to thank you for your gracious attendance yesterday.  We all noted  the shocked look on Presidente Fox's face when you handed him the little silver tray.  At that moment he hadn't realized that Mexico had become a provence of Spain and that  the new territorial capital is now Tijuana, B.C.[Destrito Federal].

Finally Tijuana will become the magnificent and glorious metropolis she was meant to be and not just the town that invented the Caesar Salad.  Such is destiny.

Yes, Melissa, in all your wonderful innocense you have changed the course of history and redrawn the map of the world.  A  sash and Imperial Order shall be yours as soon as I can pry loose some diamonds from the crown.

As for a replacement gift for Princess Letizia, how about a sterling silver toaster with the royal crest of Espana on the side? Other suggestions are welcome.

All the  best  to Ortino and his new friend Camilla.  Ciao for now...........D.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on May 31, 2004, 11:41:42 AM
...that was Ms Parker-Bowles... I could tell by the clouds of cigarette smoke.

Barkinsky-Woofinsky ROmanovsky.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on May 31, 2004, 12:04:46 PM
Dear All,

That must be the reason I coughed and sneezed through all six courses...thought I would never last until the bouquet was thrown and the cake was cut! Still recovering, and then rushing off to Mexico to return that tray was SO tiring...the things we do for Imperial Russia! By the way, the Caesar Salad served at the Mexican State Dinner was simply divine, anchovies and raw eggs and all...ciao for now, Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on May 31, 2004, 03:18:22 PM
And guess who lives in Tijuana, my dear friends???

No other than
Good old  Uncle Valmont...I am back...!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on June 01, 2004, 05:23:35 PM
A good Caesar Salad is a good thing to find.

Barkinsky-Woofinsky Romanovsky
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on June 01, 2004, 09:27:32 PM
From the perch of the Sovereign Feathered Budgerigarevich Dmitri:  

We have noticed that absolutely no one in the palace has changed our cage paper lately here in the Mountain Hall.  For shame!  As we are unable to lift a wing, the entire flock must raise our Imperial voices.  Ponimaeshe vas papooguychik?

Twitter-chirp-chirp-twitter-twitter-SCREEECH-twitter-dee-sweet-sweet-SWEET-chew-chew-chew-weet?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 01, 2004, 09:38:49 PM
Oh my gosh! I have just instructed Mr. Paul Burrell to rush over to the Mountain Hall to change the Imperial Birdie paper ASAP...rest assured that this one small lapse will never be repeated! Melissa & Ortino
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on June 01, 2004, 09:57:36 PM
Heartfelt and swift-winged gratitude from:

HIH-Perchedness the Budgerigarevich Dmitri and the rest of the Imperial Budgerigar Court.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on June 02, 2004, 04:17:45 PM
I'm revolted... but then, what do you expect from birds?  Or, Burrell...

Barkinsky-Woofinsky Romanovsky
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on June 02, 2004, 05:10:39 PM
Poor little Dmitri. It would seem that only double-headed eagles have been receiving the true royal treatment. (Or is that tweetment?)  :P

And HIH Melissa K., I'm wondering if you really meant to say that "Camilla Parker-Bowles looked like Ortino a lot"!?   :o

Finally, a belated Buenos Dias to my dear Tio Valmont.

The GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 02, 2004, 07:10:50 PM
Hello all and most dear Courtiers;

Greetings to you HIH  Tio  Valmont of  the  new capitol city in fabulous B. C. I can now see that the  new century Imperial Russian   Court is international in flavor. Of course my flavor is chocolate.  

We will  have cheeseburgers for dinner at the Alexander Palace tonight?  Why not?

Yesterday I was notified that the royal family of Japan has no baby boy to become the next Emperor.  We have  got to do something right away about that.  Is there some way we could land a baby boy into the palace grounds ala  Superman from Krypton?   Have someone work on it.

Sorry but the Imperial kitty cat Coal ate several of the birdies in the Mountain Hall.  Don't tell Princess Melissa or she will be so mad.   I do hope that Melissa and her consort  will have a great time seeing all those  things from the palace that are on display in the great American desert.  Everywhere she goes she changes the course of rivers, maps and history itself.  Maybe N.M will become Tsarish land.  Who knows.

Well, Tio Valmont that's about all for today.  Please check on your uniforms and get your shoes shined.  



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on June 02, 2004, 09:05:43 PM
Well, at least the Imperial Budgerigar Court were safe in their gilded Faberge plexiglass cage.  They were very much frightened by Coal's Bolshie behavior towards the canaries, however, and have now left the palace to stay indefinitely at a private dacha in the Massandra area where no cats reside due to human allergies.  HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri sends his regards. ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 02, 2004, 10:51:51 PM
Dear Pravo...

Thanks so very much for removing the little birdies from the palace!  Coal caught eight of them  last week.  He loves to bring them in his mouth to the Imperial bedroom as a little gift for myself and the dear Empress.  Her majesty was not impressed and hid under the covers.

Also, I received a telegram late today from Buckingham Palace/Highgrove Estate [Prince Charles' country dasha].

It seems that Camilla and Charles are being encouraged to be....hold on....married.  Can you imagine?  I suppose they'll have to allow smoking in the Palace again.


D & E
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 03, 2004, 01:20:48 PM
Hello Courtiers:

I note that  Tio Valmont  mentioned MMR4th the other day.

Good grief, that guy has his facts all wrong.  He keeps saying he is a 'Romanov'.  Oh, really!

 First off the last Tsar was not a 'Romanov at all..he was a Holstein-Gotorp..if I have spelled that right...I'll check later.  One of the old  Romanov Tsars did not have a son and his daughter married a German prince named Holstein-Gotorp and then this new Tsar adopted the name-du-Tsar, Romanov. If you read Lillie Dehns' book on the Last Tsaritza  you will learn this for yourself.  The book is in PDF on this site.  Read it and learn the truth!  Nicholas II was more German than a Volkswagen.

To get us all on the same page the royal family of England
is not English but German also.  Elizabeth II should rightly be called  Mrs. Phillip Battenburg because that is her real name.

Oh how we all love to pretend.  As for myself I am actually related to the Holstein-Gotorp family hence my claim to the title.  Don't fall for the MMR4th types.  Get the real thing.

D & E
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 03, 2004, 11:56:02 PM
Dear Tsar Doug, Empress ??? and All,

Just wanted you to know that the young Spanish Royal Newlyweds loved loved loved the toaster embelished with their royal cipher. Hope that marriage lasts, as that engraved stuff is just murder to buff out.

Actually, Ortino is much cuter than Missus P.B. & the idea of what sort of Moganatic Spouse Person she might make makes me glad I am taking a break from the royal machinations which swirl around us as we speak...I just don't see how anything can happen to me of note while I am quietly in Santa Fe, as a private individual in an unofficial capacity, to see if the Museum Exhibit will donate some of its lesser items to Tsar Doug and the new Empress...

I have several friends who would be happy to donate their teenage boys to the Japanese Royal House. The line forms at the left of my sweet Mauve Cottage on the edge of the Palace Park close to the AP in order to fill out the donation paperwork.

As to the new Empress, I can tell  you curious types that she is lovely, very shy, breaks out in  red blotches when nervous, and did not want to come to Russia behind any canary coffins...so it was most fortunate that all eight of Cole the Murderer's almost victims were rescued by the gracious Tsar Doug his very own self. Another thing I can add is that GD Janet's favorite song "It Was To Beautifiul To Last" is now piped through the AP sound system 24/7...must be the favorite of the new Empress, though it can get on one's nerves by early afternoon.

My husband, so frequently away on lengthy Imperial Missions, which is why I am so able to devote myself to completely and devotedly to Tsar Doug and the Empress' happiness and wellbeing much of the time, is rather a cranky camper about the Santa Fe trip. He would prefer to sample the delights of Tiajuana...I hope to God there is a caviar & vodka bar of note in Santa Fe... Ciao for now, Melissa & Ortino
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 04, 2004, 11:47:26 AM
Dear All,

Is there any truth to the rumor that the fabulous little race horse "Smarty Jones" is really owned by a Claimant? That the "owner of record" is just a front for someone on this thread?

If "Smarty Jones" wins, and goes on to sire a line of champions, if in fact he is really an Imperial Horse, could we have some suggestions as to what to name those darling little foals?

Also look for Claimants in the box seats at the running of the Belmont tomarrow!  Or perhaps, the bar areas...one never knows when an Imperial Sighting will happen!

Caio for now, Melissa & Ortino II


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on June 05, 2004, 07:28:12 PM
Massandra, Crimea, June 6

PRESS RELEASE:

His Imperial Highness Indeed, the Budgerigarevich Dmitri, and the entire Imperial Budgerigar Court, wish to express their condolences to the Claimant Committee on the loss by the phenomenal 'Smarty Jones'.  However, all is not lost.  All eleven of Their Highnesses Indeed, while not going so far in their jubilation as to proclaim him so much as even an honorary descendant of Crown Prince Alexei, rejoice in the victory of their sentimental favorite, Birdstone.
Title: tRe: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 06, 2004, 05:08:07 PM
Hello all,

So glad I'm back again with the paint still on my hands and in my hair but my little palace is great, not finished yet, but enough to open an bottle of bubbles and say yeah most of the work is done :D

I've missed you guys so much even dearest Doug and Melissa, yes okay also Ortino. But how about my dearies Tsar Valmont and GD/GP Janet? And my Rupert, is he well? Did you take care of him Janet? I see there's a great deal going on, so first of all I've to read all the stories.

Valmont and Janet you're invited to come over and see my residence, it looks sooo Royal. Doug you must have some tea with me, so you can tell me all the gossip I've missed.

Tsar Valmont (did you miss me :-[) you live abroad I here. When do I have to take up spy-things, I'm a bit short of money you know. GD/GP Janet are there any Lady-in waiting things to do for me? Please let me know.

Good night and take care you all,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 07, 2004, 12:55:08 AM
Goodmornings to the Imperial Court:

Our dear friend Melissa and her consort  are away for a short voyage to collect some of our lost belongings.  These items are from the palace and they shall be returned.  Her consort we understand is a muy macho hombre and looks after all of our legal affairs.  

The Empress, who's  nome de cour, I cannot reveal at this time sends her best wishes to all.  Her name shall be known to all the world  when some of her  international 'papers'  are in order.  Seems that she is still looking for some sort of a  green colored card.

So happy to hear our dear Anna is re-established into her new estate.  Yes, we shall pay her a visit soon and partake of her generous hospitality.  Please have the rooms properly scented for  her Majesty.

Uncle Valmont was missing some of his uniform buttons the other day but he looked  regal and commanding in his  role as the new governor generale of Baja California.

D & E



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on June 07, 2004, 11:04:18 AM
Rupert? Rupert?! Oh dear . . .  :o

Anna dahlink, Tio Valmont and I would be delighted to take tea in your humble and repainted abode. At that time we will discuss one's latest spy assignments and lady-in-waiting duties.

Yes, Pretender Doug, Tio and I may dress a tad shabby, but don't forget that shabby-chic is still quite the fashion, and that our blood remains blue, whatever our finanacial holdings.   ;)

Yours ever so majestically,

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 07, 2004, 02:39:06 PM
Dear ones,

Who did it ..... who killed my beloved Rupert......sob  :'( Was it the butler or GD/GP Janet's cat Rex? What did you feed him poisoned cakes? Anyhow didn't like goldfish after all, they are so dull. I think I order an elephant much more royal these days.

Well well Dougie dearest, hiding mysterious Empresses under the covers? Where's your royal behaviour? Sure it's not a little ballet dancer ::) Who is she? When do you uncover this mysterious woman. This really tickles my spy-antenna. I hope she's not some silly devoted woman with a moon-like face (where did I see such a face before?)

Tio Valmont ( still Tsar)is having quite a nice time in Tijuana I suppose.... easy on the tia maria's. A documentary about his  life sounds very interesting and the real indentity of Uncle Francesco could be revealed the same time.

Enough for now, have to choose a suitable dress for my balalaika performance, I'm giving for old Russian Royal ladies and Generals. So it will be a softly evening but you never know blinis, vodka  and music sweeps up the Russian blood. Good old Russia.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on June 07, 2004, 03:16:55 PM
Are you sure Rupert is no more? And could Rex and/or the butler be the only possible culprits? How about those strange new forum moderators from April 6th?

In the meantime, best wishes with the balaliaka and blinis. We GPs/GDs who are cash poor must alas work in the kitchen . . .

The GP/GD Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 07, 2004, 10:08:02 PM
Dear All,

Just heard the rumor that Birdstone's first little foal will be named "Canary's Revenge"...

Also just heard the rumor that Martha Stewart is requesting the chance to do community service by recreating the scent of Imperial Palaces noted in the the Van Der Kiste book PRINCESS VICTORIA MELITA...(page 17)...it would be in a spray bottle to be environmentally friendly, and recreate the "mixture of turpentine, Russian leather, cigarette smoke and scent" that made your nose know you were in an Imperial Palace. It would be sprizted around each room every morning to make Imperial persons feel right at home wherever they might be...I tried to recreate this for Tsar Doug awhile back, but there is only so much one can do with shoe polish and a full ashtray...hope Martha has better luck.

Anna dear, so glad all is well in your new home. Come have tea (or something stronger) when you have a spare moment. You can even bring your balalaika...do you happen to know "It Was To Beautiful To Last"??? Did you order your pet elephant from Harrods? They say you can get anything there.

Do hope some strings, or some arms and legs, can be pulled to get the new Empress her green card.

Has anyone seen the Claimant Committee since that rickety old bus pulled away from the Belmont Track on Saturday night? The collection can for gas money that said "Tiajuana or Bust" really tugged at the heartstrings. I put in twenty dollars. Hope they did not spend it on drink.    Caio for now, Melissa & Ortino II

Title: sur Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 08, 2004, 02:09:34 PM
Dear Royals,

You mean the two goodies from Da Plane? The men in white? I'm only familiar with "The men in black" a spy-term you know.

Mabye they survived the White Army and came over in Da Plane. Why could they be so interested in my little Rupert :'( Is it because he swimms in a handmade Faberge fishingbowl covered with tiny diamond drops?
The bowl contains a little secret: on the bottom there's a treasury, when Rupert touch this with his little fin it will open and you see the most beautiful........
Sorry I promised Tsar Valmont and GD/GP Janet not to tell. That's spy-business for.

Had such a lovely evening yesterday, great perfomance .
I played my balalaika and one of the Generals sang the most heartbreaking Russian songs. Ah....they made me think of those good old days, the snow, the tripps we made in our sledge, the balls, my furs, my diamonds..... :'(  

"It Was To Beautiful To Last"

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 14, 2004, 09:52:03 PM
Dear All,

Just stumbled back from Bolshi Santa Fe...black eye and all...wish we could rescue those dear artifacts from those icky people. Let's hope that Cincinnati and Newark do a better job. I need to go collapse on my mauve chaise and look at my "middle class" spiritual pictures which comfort me...as well as worry about my girls, who seem to be going through typical teenager woes and worries...and my doggie needs to go to the Imperial groomer ASAP...

Until later, weepy but trying to bravely carry on...Melissa & Ortino II (slightly worse for wear...)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 14, 2004, 11:19:46 PM
Greetings Melissa and Courtiers.......

I do so admire your courage Melissa.  You are indeed a brave soul to journey into the far reaches of the great American outback to view our old possessions that are being held in unappreciated captivity by some very unsavory and uncouth desert barbarians. I almost cannot imagine a more undignified venue for these once treasured  pearls that have now  been laid before peccaries.

Get some rest and refreshments and let us all continue our journey in a  manner more suited to our positions and estates.

Yes, the Empress is fine and we all had a good laugh at her sister who is demimonde to the maximum.  Her favourite program on TV is watching wallpaper being hung and paint being applied.  Now, really!

D & E.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 15, 2004, 07:15:11 AM
How very transparent of you "'D"ouglas".  Are you implying that you are the "Emperor in waiting"?  There are so many others with the same claim on this thread.

Shall we have some fun?  Tell us why *you're* so special, hmm?

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 15, 2004, 09:50:36 AM
Hey,
I am the one who found the Faberge box outside his door..
This guy only has "Fabergeaux"..
I will let you know some other contents I found on Uncle Francesco's  diary..

Best Regards,

Valmont.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on June 15, 2004, 11:04:27 AM
Anna, dahlink, hush hush re: Rupert's Faberge fishbowl and the hidden treasure. Remember, you are a spy!

And Uncle Val, do keep Tio Francesco's diary under wraps. Beware of Tsar Douglas agents!

Finally, by the by--speaking of spies and such--I shall be investigating the Santa Fe exhibit next month. (Shh, I don't want them to know of my arrival!) Perhaps I should take my saber? Those dastardly Santa Fe docents . . . a pox on all their houses!

The Avenging
GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 15, 2004, 12:44:15 PM
My Dearies,

Sorry I mentioned the ....you know what in Ruperts fishbowl. Don't worry about Douglas. He's still under the spell of his Empress and is having his sister- in-law for tea. Douglas, when does your Empress comes out of the closet??.

I do feel pity for you Melissa, you didn't deserve such treatment from ignorant docents. GD/GP Janet when you're going beware of ignorant little men. I could do some pre-investigations for you. Unfortunately I'm staying in Europe can't come to Sante Fé. I'll do some spy-business when visiting the exhibit in Amsterdam.

Take care,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here .
Post by: Douglas on June 15, 2004, 04:03:20 PM
Dearest Vera:

Please go back and read my posts  number 9 and number 15 on this thread, wherein we state just a few of my many qualifications to be Tsar.

There are many more but I don't desire to appear over anxious.  I am sure you would understand.

I am checking this week to see if I may actually be  related to Tsar Peter III.   As for my DNA, I don't have any that you we need to worry about.

What is all important is 'attitude'.  I learned this from Nicholas II.

Also, Vera,  I do suspect some royal blood in your background.  Are we correct?

D & E
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 15, 2004, 06:53:46 PM
Of course! I was just making sure you weren't attempting to usurp my rightful place.

Just why do you suppose I was involved in all that Tsar Alexander II business those many years ago?  ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 15, 2004, 06:56:37 PM
Wow..
At last.. someone with a vivid imagination !!...

Ok Vera.. please explain what Bussiness you did for Alexander II?

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 15, 2004, 07:03:17 PM
Ah, surely I am more memorable than this!  I nearly died for my efforts, you know!  Then there was that embarrassing attempt at hero-worship by the Soviets. I really was not happy about that part.  

I wasn't interested in Bolshevism, I just wanted to be Empress, my rightful place!

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 15, 2004, 08:55:45 PM
Dearest Vera:

You want to be Empress!  Well, let us explain a few things.  

Everyone wants to be this or that royal.  You just can't demand it, you have to put forth your qualifications. Remember the poor souls in Hades want ice water.

As for myself, when I was in Tsarkoe Selo at the Metropolitan Hotel a few years ago, I told the doorman I was to be the next Tsar.  He said that was fine with him [his English was not all that good].  Now I ask you, if that is not a ringing endorsement, I don't know what is.  In other words, the people, the little people of Russia want me to be the Tsar!

Do you see what I mean, Vera?  You have to document your claim and learn to stand firm.  There are a lot of ladies on this site that have glorious dreams of being the Empress of All the Russias....but only one or two will actually become so.

Do your homework and get back to us right away.  We  haven't got a world of time to consider every request.

Tsar Valmont can give you good advice if he is not hanging out at some local Bistro in downtown Tijuana, B.C.   He's very nice and one of our best Imperialistas.

Most graciously sincerely,

D.   &    E.  

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 15, 2004, 09:27:41 PM
Seeing as how I have already had a successful career in terrorism, then later embraced by the opposition of all things Imperial, I certainly don't need to prove anything to the likes of you, who takes the word of some silly doorman.

Furthermore, I was the reigning queen at the Peter and Paul Fortress for some time.  I was there quite by accident but my royal demeanor was instantly recognized, and this is actually why I was held there.

I made good use of my time, however, charming everyone with my beautiful, thoughtful poetry.

Do my homework, indeed. You need to do yours!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 15, 2004, 10:52:07 PM
Dearest Vera [and Courtiers]:

I can see that being, as you say, "held" in the Peter and Paul Fortress has had it's effect upon you.  It must have been very stressful.  You are not the first 'Empress'  to be held there. I do hope you were well fed.

The good news is that you are now free of that dreadful place of confinement and are beyond the pale.  

Don't scoff at the doorman... there of millions of others just like him in our dear Mother Russia.

You can always judge your qualifications to be accepted as royality by being amongst the people.  For example:  You are at the market in the produce section.  Announce  to the vegetableman, " I am the Empress of Russia".  If he smiles and bows to you, everything is in order.  If he reaches for the nearest telephone, it may be best to leave the building right away or your life could get real complicated.

Take the example of HIH Melissa. She constantly goes about  the country among the people and they accept her  for whom she is, that being a person of royal blood.

Be out and about with the people...that is always best.

Bon voyage.....

D. &. E.  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 16, 2004, 09:39:39 AM
Hey,
Relax, My little ones. Remember I am the one who found the Faberge box with Uncle Francesco's Diary, and all the Photographs..
As in any history, there are a lot of characters who play a key role in the events. Let us not argue about who is what...Time will find a way to put everyone of us in  our rightfull place. In the meantime, I will give you an update abot the Diary.
I still haven't  learned how Uncle francesco scaped the Bolsheviks, and I have to admit, I have been having troubles to get some sleep ever since.  Being such a good  and literated writer, I think Uncle Francesco letf the best for the end, so I guess I am going to have to read the whole thing. I honestly cannot give you a deadline as of when I can give you the whole story, especially because, today is wednesday, and it is "Glamour night"  here in Tijuana, and I do not know how many days I will need, to recover from such important mid-week event.
As of what I have read in the diary, Uncle Francesco mentions he had a son, and a grandson (obviously), and that they were living in Sicily, he mentions something about the Royal insignias (does not say which ones) and of course..... the jewells, an amazing fortune in gold and jewells he mentions it was hiden by him and his family...Now, let's just wait Uncle francesco was not suffering from any psicological syndrom and was alucinating while he was writing the diary. It even has a map, but it is in Italian and I cannot understand it.  Can any of you  guys help me???
Ok.
Now to see what I am going to wear tonight..
I'll keep you posted with the outcome.
Best Reagrds.

Arturo Vega_Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on June 16, 2004, 10:02:02 AM
"Glamour Night"??????   :o
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 16, 2004, 10:59:45 AM

Yes,
It is a local custom. The bar scene is dead in Tijuana except for Wednesdays, Fridays & Saturdays.
Everybody  here works on Thursdays (well... most people), so everybody shows at the bars and leave very early. Some poeple just show up less than an hour, that's why  they call it "Glam night", as an ironic remark that takes you more to get ready and to get to the bar you are going to, than the time you spend there..As I said, it's a local custom.. and when you are in Rome...Do as Valmont does....(stay there all night long).
Best Regards,
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 16, 2004, 11:27:59 AM
Tsar-Uncle-Tio Valmont.,

Please don't neglect me and GD/GP Janet. How's your performance on film/tv coming along?. Don't forget Valmontsky!

Douglas: you still didn't answer my question: When does your Empress comes out of the closet ??? Everything okay with her sister? Don't give her to much tea.
Isn't it a great idea when I come over myself.? I want to know what's going on there in your little palace.

Well Valmont is having his glamour night, I have my blinis and balalaika night.

Enjoy yourselves my dearies

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on June 16, 2004, 01:23:13 PM
Greetings and Salutations My Fellow Royals--

And I, for one, welcome Vera into the bosom  :-X of our great big dysfunctional family. (And no chiding, Tsar Presumptive Doug--if that's your real name--you, with your consort still halfway out of the closet, live in the proverbial glass housing, so be on the lookout for stones!)  :D

Now, no one is more aware than I--make that the "royal we"--that not every royal can be an Emperor or Empress. (Hence the saying "Too many Emperors, not enough Grand Dukes.") In fact, I am quite content to be your most exalted GP/GD, never to reign or even to rule.   :'(  However, one's sphere of influence can be quite extensive as a GD/GP, and so verily I say that Vera must be allowed in . . . and respected . . . by royal decree of guess who.   8)

In the meantime, although I typically eschew Tijuana Glamour Night, I salute my Tio Valmont for his public relations appearances at such, and send kudos to my Lady-in-Waiting Anna, who is a darn good spy, as well as being a balalaika virtuoso.  (But easy, dear, on the caviar and blinis--we don't want to become too big for our kokoshnik . . . )  ;)

And now I must bid you all a fond and temporary adieu--

Yours ever so majestically--

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. I think I hear it . . . can it be . . . why yes it is. "De plane! De plane!"   :o
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Candice on June 16, 2004, 06:52:53 PM
Valmont, how very interesting!  If you need any help with reading the map or Italian I can certainly help you.

Candice

Quote
Hey,
 Relax, My little ones. Remember I am the one who found the Faberge box with Uncle Francesco's Diary, and all the Photographs..
As in any history, there are a lot of characters who play a key role in the events. Let us not argue about who is what...Time will find a way to put everyone of us in  our rightfull place. In the meantime, I will give you an update abot the Diary.
I still haven't  learned how Uncle francesco scaped the Bolsheviks, and I have to admit, I have been having troubles to get some sleep ever since.  Being such a good  and literated writer, I think Uncle Francesco letf the best for the end, so I guess I am going to have to read the whole thing. I honestly cannot give you a deadline as of when I can give you the whole story, especially because, today is wednesday, and it is "Glamour night"  here in Tijuana, and I do not know how many days I will need, to recover from such important mid-week event.
As of what I have read in the diary, Uncle Francesco mentions he had a son, and a grandson (obviously), and that they were living in Sicily, he mentions something about the Royal insignias (does not say which ones) and of course..... the jewells, an amazing fortune in gold and jewells he mentions it was hiden by him and his family...Now, let's just wait Uncle francesco was not suffering from any psicological syndrom and was alucinating while he was writing the diary. It even has a map, but it is in Italian and I cannot understand it.  Can any of you  guys help me???
Ok.
 Now to see what I am going to wear tonight..
I'll keep you posted with the outcome.
 Best Reagrds.

Arturo Vega_Llausás

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 16, 2004, 08:10:38 PM
Dear Tsar Doug & Empress,

May I please offer my services, with your kind permission, to M. Valmont re: the Italian language and maps? I did my Junior Year Abroad in Rome, Italy. I learned much Italian, very useful in bars and restuarants and cute little boutiques. So the map/Italian  thing should be a snap. (Anything will be easier than three days in Santa Fe...)

I also worked as a tour guide in Rome, which has contributed greatly to my success in my current life: I smile alot, am pleasant and kind to all I meet, eat what is put before me, never turn down the chance to sit down, and always carry a spare pair of clean white gloves in my purse. And I never lose sight of the fact that I am representing you and the dear Empress wherever life leads...caio for now, Melissa & Ortino
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 16, 2004, 10:08:50 PM
Dear Melissa:

The night footman  just brought me your post of this evening.  The Empress and I were having a ham sandwich and iced tea when there before me on the silver tray was your note that requests that you give some advice to Tsar Valmont,  residing in the new territorial capital city of Mexico.

My answer is a resounding yes!  All of the Imperial Courtiers are to afford every opportunity to be of help to my dear friend and co-Tsar Valmont.  

It is our sincere hope that Tsar Valmont continue his honorable quest for the location of his treasure and any help that you can afford him is most appreciated.  

Please note, Melissa, in all confidence,  that when Valmont discovers the whereabouts of this fabled treasure that you notify the Empress and myself immediately.  We wouldn't want any Faberge items to fall into the wrong hands.   This happened a while back and I still cringe when I see the monarch of England wearing some of  auntie Marie's treasures upon her beingness.

Be very descreet and possibly Anna could be of help.

P.S.  Thank you so much for the lovely white writing desk.  We're having the local craftsman repair and repaint it...just like it was years ago in the AP.

Remember, mums the word,

Douglas and "E"  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 16, 2004, 10:21:17 PM

"I can see that being, as you say, "held" in the Peter and Paul Fortress has had it's effect upon you."

Yes, "Douglas," in fact, it has made me all the more determined. Wonderful, exciting effects indeed.

  

"Don't scoff at the doorman... there of millions of others just like him in our dear Mother Russia."

I suspect you are actually the doorman, in a large, seedy urban highrise. Perhaps one in St. Petersburg, or maybe a warmer climate, and the heat has gone to your brain.

"You can always judge your qualifications to be accepted as royality by being amongst the people.  For example:  You are at the market in the produce section.  Announce  to the vegetableman, " I am the Empress of Russia".  If he smiles and bows to you, everything is in order.  If he reaches for the nearest telephone, it may be best to leave the building right away or your life could get real complicated."

I do not need to announce myself. The vegetable man and everyone else recognize me.  Royals have no need of such blatant redundancy.  Now, false claimants, do have plenty to worry about. A great deal, as a matter of fact.

Vera (Truth)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 17, 2004, 03:31:44 PM
Douglas my dearie,

You're such a gallant little Tsar, suggesting I should spy for you. I'll take tea with you as much as you like, even take the teabags home with me :P but don't expect I'm becoming disloyal to the one and only royal. (wasn't Vera the Poet?)

I'm not a double-spy, think of what happened to my beloved Sidney Reilly and other co-spies. You don't want me to end up like them, do you? Although you make fun out of me --I know I know - comes around goes around, I stay on this side -Valmontsky-camp.

Now be a good little Tsar, stay home quietly with your precious Empress and your sister-in-law. Chop some wood for the fireplace. Eat your ham sandwich and empty your plate, don't mingle yourself in Faberge-affairs and jewels which don't belong to you.
Did you send those two goodies in white in Da Plane?

Have a lovely evening, I will ;)

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 17, 2004, 05:37:59 PM
As I said... the pieces of the puzzle are fitting together.. in time.

I think I  will organize an expedition to get the treasure..and the royal insignias, of course !!
Our Loyal Anna, will be  my contact in Europe. What country did you say you moved to, dear? You have proven to be a  modern "Mata Hari". That balalaika cover of yours is fantastic.
Also, Vera, darling, would you care to Join the expedition?
We do not know what we may encounter, and  your knowledge in the fields of explosives  and your experince  in terrorism, could be greatly appreciated,  (and handy, of course)not to mention, your common sense, one aspect you share with GD/GD Janet, whom I  am sure will drop everything and leave her home running without going back to check if she locked the front door, as soon  as he reads this. she knows she needs no invitation... she is also very good  handling receipts for donations...We could also ask Reed, but i am not really sure what role he plays, He mentioned something about being  the guardian of the Faberge boxes, of the Russian setlement in the Valley of Guadalupe in  Baja..(mmm... somehow,  there is something about this fact, that 's very fishy... I'll analize it latter)....So far, this is "The team", but if anyone else feels like  someone has  any qualification for  joining the team, please, feel free to contact us...Candice, your knowledge of the language is crucial...please join in..
We MUST not forget the Claimant comittee, to certify the daily advances, with his daily  rations of Margaritas, of course...
Remember... Destiny awaits....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on June 17, 2004, 05:49:02 PM
Dear,  dear Unlce Valmont. Of course I will drop everything.

Well . . . almost everything. I have a few priceless Faberge objects d'art myself, y'know.   ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Candice on June 17, 2004, 06:38:53 PM
Valmont, thank you for including me. ;D I look forward to those promissed rations of Margaritas...so much suspense and intrigue!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 18, 2004, 09:43:53 AM
Hello,
Just a few lines to say Hello and  give you the latest update on our proyects.
Right now, The valmont Foundation is taking aplicactions for people who would like to appear in the film about my life, there are basicly no requirements except they will not be persuing the leading role, for the Vamont Foundation reserves  the right to exclude those aplicants from the  casting.
On the Same hand, We are also taking aplications for a proyect whose outcome  will change the course of humanity and will solve one of the greatest mysteries of the Modern World. "How  Uncle francesco escaped the Bolcheviks". If you feel you have what it takes to be a part of any of these proyects, please contact us at:

www. I_wanna_be_a_movie_star.com
or
www.Iwantthegold.com

We promise  you that the information provide will be handled as confidential and will not be sold to any mailing list or blackmailing company.

This segment was sponsered by viewers like you and the  Valmont Foundation.  "We just want to get the Gold"

The Valmont Foundation
Valmontsky Palace
Tijuana, BC
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on June 18, 2004, 12:17:47 PM
I would like to visit you at the Valmont Foundation, but I don't know how to woof in Spanish.  

GD Maidel Barkinsky-Woofinsky Romanovsky
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 19, 2004, 01:48:11 PM
Dear  Courtiers:

I haven't posted recently because I did suffer a paper cut on my index finger.  I sent for Dr. Kinbot and he applied a plaster and I should be back to my royal duties by Monday.  Thank you Anna for your kind words of your most gracious encouragement.  I remain your  friend, plain and simple...'D'
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 20, 2004, 05:31:01 PM
Royal Dearies,

Ah Douglas, does it hurt ;D Glad you had Dr. Kinbot, he's really the best. He ones helped me when I was stuck between the strings of my balalaika ( only my fingers) :-/ I think you pointed you're index finger to much on the map with uncle Franceso's treasure.

Tio Valmont you asked me in which country I'm living at the moment. What do you think, famous for its Tulips, wooden- shoes, coffee-bars and of course my colleague-spy was born here ( Mata Hari). Holland :D

The Royal Family (The House of Orange) -awfully nice guys- are related to The Russian Royal Family. Anna Pavlovna was the wife of King Willem II of Oranje Nassau. So you see my connections come in handy.
One day I shall introduce you to HRH Princess Maxima-
wow that lady swings-. She's from Argentina there must be no problems with language and drinks I suppose.

It's very late and I do must get some sleep. Have to do a lot of spying tomorow.

Goodnight my dearies, sleep well,

Anna 8)

BTW: Don't you dare think I'm wearing wooden-shoes. And for the expedition you can loan my elephant I recently received from Harrods ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 21, 2004, 06:14:20 PM
Anna dear,

I finally found a use for teabags! While the Court would never actually drink tea made from teabags, and Mr. Paul Burrell would never dream of having them on the Imperial Shopping List, I can say that lukewarm teabags are great when used as soothing eyepoultices when resting in the afternoon. Avoid the black tea types-the chamomile are really quite delightful though...it will brace you up for balalaikas and spying...don't overdo, my dear. P.S. Harrods is amazing, yes?

Dear Tsar Doug,

Do hope the papercut is on the mend. I myself am bracing for my children's annual holiday next week. I am always happy when the little darlings are back in school, but for now must be the "mum with the mostest"...we will make Imperial themed pinatas, picnic with PB&J by the lake, and generally do whatever it takes to make the girlies happy. After that cozy week of togetherness, it will make my Imperial-ordered tasks seem like a veritable "piece of cake" as they say...

Dear All,

Have you seen yourselves in the June Special Issue of "Majesty Magazine"??? Quite a handsome group, despite looking a little worse for wear around the edges...perhaps that was the "Margarita Effect" the photograher was scolding us about when the group shot was taken on the Jordan Staircase in the Winter Palace...all in all, quite touching.  Caio for now, Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 22, 2004, 08:03:19 PM
Most Cordial  Greetings

Dear Lady Anna:  Oh, I do feel so much better.  Yes,  there is  none other like our dear Dr. Kinbot and his son.  He says he'll always be with us, even unto the end.  Also,  the Empress and I want to thank you for the wonderful fruit basket that you had delivered.  We especially loved the little chocolate crowns that were covered in 24k gold leaf.  So nice.  Also, we are enjoying the CD you had made of your wonderful balalaika music.  Just like the  old days.

Greetings Melissa:  Hope you and the girls have recovered  from that journey to nowhere, USA.  It was a great pleasure to have the little ones here  again for some more of their favorite B/P&J  sandwiches. I can still see sweet little fingerprints all over the table.  I do remember dear auntie Victoria talking on and on about how wonderful the late Earl of Sandwich in that he actually invented the 'sandwich'.  The Empress and I would probably  starve to death if it were not for our little petit four  treats.  We love them with caviar and cottage cheese.  That's about it for this evening.  D & E ...PS: Long live Ortino II!!!   Hurrah, hurrah and give him a little pat on the head for us.  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: _Rodger_ on June 23, 2004, 11:42:08 AM
Having met in emergency session, with the Sargent at Arms Mr. Elmer T. Fudd present, the Claimant Committee must protest the misguided elitist, divisive,  and authoritarian attempt to divide the Claimant Community into two separate categories.  

We can only imagine the nefarious motives behind such a transparent attempt to undermine the Committee's true authority and confuse the minds of all would-be claimants.   >:(

What is more, we find the invitation to be outright cynical, because the posting person has failed to ask for money up front, which in our opinion is not only unethical, it is very unprofessional too.

Caveat Emptor!  There is only one true Claimant thread.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 23, 2004, 10:11:05 PM
Dear All,

Is there any bit of truth to the rumor sweeping St. Petersburg that Tsar Doug is initiating a new order: The Order of the Imperial Claimant Playpen?

Waiting with baited breath, Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: D-E on June 23, 2004, 11:34:48 PM
June 23,  in the Year of Our  Lord 2004

Greetings  Courtiers One & All:

Please be advised that  a New Order is now available.  It will be awarded to only those that qualify as  Imperial Playpen Participants Par Excellence....all others will be shown the little door that leads to the tea party that is hosted be Princess Alice,  the Imperial  white rabbit and Ortino II.

We had dear old Mr. Faberge  make it up.  It is a  little solid gold playpen in bas-relief with rubies round the top and diamond feet and hung a on a satin ribbon of  Imperial  colours.

By Direction of His Majesty, Count  Dorffbencken.,  P.S. Please send one to Countess Melissa this very day!

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 24, 2004, 12:02:26 AM
Dear Courtiers:

Hello fellow co-Tsar Valmont! I send you our best wishes today but the Empress and I were a little disappointed that you were so dismissive  of my recent accident to the index finger. Have you ever had a paper cut?  I am telling you it can be very painful.  Do you realize that I had to call immediately for Dr. Kinbot.  He had to be awakened from his three hour noonday siesta!  The poor old man staggered to his feet, grabbed his little black bag and rushed to my side.  I had to wear a bandaid all day and half the night!

But that's alright my dear friend,  you might  not know of such things as you are the greatest maker of the Margarita in North America or even the entire world!  

I hope that someday I may the pleasure of you personally mixing one of your magnificent  refreshments for myself and the entourage right there at your palace in B.C.

If Mr. Lopresti should arrive at your door please give him my regards and check him from head to toe.  You can never be too safe.    All the best....D. & E.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 24, 2004, 09:26:23 AM
Check him from head to toe??

I have an Elephant's trap all set and ready to go right under my front door....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 24, 2004, 12:15:51 PM
My Dearies,

Tio Valmont:As a matter of fact I got an invitation ( dinner at Mcdonald's) from a certain Prince Michael Michaelovsky Romanov. He's here for business. Its obvious he's after that tiara, ( It was in the paper today or yesterday). He once saw a picture Maxima wearing it. Queen B inherited some jewels from Anna Pavlovna. He's confinced Maxi ownes that tiara know.
I'll keep this little Prince on a string and see what more I can find. We meet again this evening and I'm going to play my balalaika, that will knock him out for sure :)
Watch my elephant doesn't fall into your trap.

Dougie: Nice to read you're fine thanks to DR.Kinbot. Did I really send you fruit and chocolate? I never send gifts, I rather receive. It must have been my PR-agent,  private secretary or maybe my bodyguard and chauffeur Boris. How's your little Empress and her sister. Does Melissa serve them well? Tell her the teabags did wonderful things for my eyebags(does this word exist?)Anyway I love to rhyme.

I presume I'm qualified for that IPPPPE?

Oh dearies I must hurry, MMR is waiting is his
Limo (I prefer Rolls) but wth dinner is free ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 24, 2004, 01:35:24 PM
Dear Tsar Doug &  HIH Empress,

Just a quick note to say that the new Imperial Order arrived via private messenger from the Palace about thirty minutes ago. It is simply divine! The ribband is Imperial gold and black. So thoughtful of the Empress to insist on sending along two other ribbands-one of lovely mauve and one of "Romanov Blue (as in eye color) for clever changes to match one's outfit! I am sure everyone will just love it (well, almost everyone...)!!!!

I can say that I am a wee bit concerned that I started out an HIH by order of Tsar Doug, and then was referred to as a Princess, and now am a Countess...let's just make sure I don't drop any lower, or I won't be able to hold up my humble head in this thread...though, let's be clear that Countess is fine with me, as of course it is my love of the Imperial Family, not a title, which keeps me so devoted to current crop of Claimants! Does not my service in SantaFeGrad count for something? I swear I will not, as GD Janet has said so wittily in previous posts, become "too big for my kokoshnik" in regards to the title thing!  Devotedly, Melissa & Ortino II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 25, 2004, 11:16:59 AM
NAAOTMA,
I Understand what you are talking about, but why do you even care to feel bad about it?, you are part of the crowd who sits on the "cool table"so, who cares if you are a princess or a lady in waiting??.. Do not think about it...Focus your efforts in getting some donations to sponsor our expedition...and who is this person who calls me Co-Tsar?
Why Security had not done anything about this person??   Inquiry minds... want to know...
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on June 25, 2004, 01:04:57 PM
Dear Imperial Valmont,

Of course, you are so right. Sitting at the "cool table" and devoting myself to the Imperial Claimant Cause is enough in itself...

I am having a bakesale to raise funds for  THE CLAIMANT CAUSE...the girls and Ortino and myself are very busily churning out brownies-from-the-box and cookies-from-the-dough-tube in this Imperial effort. It will raise money, and also keeps my little dearies out of the mall...just need Ortino to stop licking the bowl between dough batches...

I have regained my focus on WHAT REALLY MATTERS! Thank you for your thoughtful words, which have led me back to my life mission with renewed faith and a humble heart. Titles-shymittles, as they say...whatever Tsar Doug settles on is just fine with me.

As for your confusion re: Co-Tsardom, please do refer all things relating to that matter to Tsar Doug. I am in no way authorized or able to comment on such matters. I am sure you and he can work things out in friendly discussion. Please give everyone in Tiajuana my very best regards and wishes for a happy weekend in Margaritaland.

Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 29, 2004, 12:01:36 PM
Hello courtiers...

I just discovered today that  one of my trusted household savants, Donny,  has been posting on this site using my address.  I asked him to please use his own computer next time.  You have to watch these fellows very closely or they will steal the  sterling silverware.

Hello, Melissa and cheerio for Ortino II.  As for your title, it all depends on who I am channeling that day.  Some days it is the space aliens and other days it might be the birds and wildlife in the park.  One never knows for sure.  But all I do know is that you are forever a royal personage in our court...what ever your title du jour might be.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 29, 2004, 01:07:18 PM
To: "Douglas" aka "Donny" and perhaps other screen names:

Who else "uses your computer"?

Since there has been a recent concern over people misusing this website with multiple "identities", this is an important question.

More than one person uses the computer (as well as the same network) from which I type, but they have separate email accounts/screen names.

Perhaps you derive pleasure from switching personalities and allowing other members to believe they are actually separate individuals.

Or, maybe you actually believe you are all one and the same, within one individual.  This would certainly help to explain your dedication to the "fantasy" claimant thread.





Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here
Post by: Douglas on June 29, 2004, 02:19:58 PM
Dear Vera

Yes, I too am very concerned about people misusing this  website and using false names.  The webmasters have put a lot of work into this site and  I honor that.

That is exactly why I scoulded Donny this morning about logging on and using my email address and screen name to post on this website.  We are not amused and I promise that this will stop immediately.  You have my word on this.  Donny has  also promised me he will not be up to this sort of mischief  anymore.  I hope he has learned his lesson once and for all.  

Again, thank you Vera for your continued support .

I agree, people should not being any false names on this site.

Now,  back to more important matters of state.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 29, 2004, 02:30:36 PM
Somehow the Movie "The three faces of Eve" came to my mind regarding "Douglas/Donny/...whatever... This is scary....
Is there any lawyer in the room??.. Can this be a proof of Insanity in a Court of Law??.. Now I get it.. all those "tea parties".. Might he be related to the "Mad Hatter".. Douglas.. did you say you live in a place called "Wonderland"?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 29, 2004, 03:17:11 PM
Dear Valmont [co-tsar]

We are so shocked that  your imperial majesty would think to question  our state of mind  or state of place.

Is not this  a clear legal case of one defendant calling the other a non-royal?  I never question your box of jewels,  sword and other evidence.  Wonderland is in Disneyland, our place of residence  is in Happy Land.   Where is yours dear tio?  Now let us all just get down to serious business and find the gold and jewels.

Time for tea and cakes...here comes that hallboy Donny, now, you have to watch these savants all the time.

D & E
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 29, 2004, 06:13:38 PM
Dougie dearie and others,

You're really living in a dream world, pretending things that doesn't exist. Only the teabags. (The great Pretender).

Now go and visit Dr.Kinbot again, let him check that scar on your head (the one you got years ago, after getting in some trouble and Tsar Valmont had to save your live.)
Do you remember? I suppose not. And do try some bubbles for a change, it clears your head, I can tell ;D
greatings to you're E and sister.

Tsar Valmont...Please tell me what to do with Prince MMR.
Don't like the man and he's spoiling my royal connections. As a matter of fact he's out of money too but I'm having the most gorgeous furs and diamonds ;D
Well a spy can't live from air only.

Anna 8)





Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here
Post by: Vera_Figner on June 29, 2004, 06:38:22 PM
"Douglas,"

Despite the usual nature of this thread, I was not playing along with your little "Tsar" game.

My earlier post was not submitted to be funny or "tongue in cheek," yet this is the type of answer you have given to my questions.  

In fact, based on the tone of your response, you have extended your game playing beyond that of  Discussion Board "Tsar."

It is obvious that you are posing as at least two people, though under those two you have not officially become a member of this board.  You think this is a joke, but it is doubtful many people posting here appreciate your behavior.

And then you wrote:
"Again, thank you Vera for your continued support ."

There was nothing in my post that indicated I support you or your views whatsoever.


And...
"Now,  back to more important matters of state.[/quote]'

What? Tilting at windmills again? Didn't you say something in your earlier post about "channeling?"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 29, 2004, 06:59:36 PM

OOOOuuuuccchhhhhh...!!!!
That Hurt !!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on June 29, 2004, 07:05:10 PM
Seems someone doesn't appreciate this thread.
D/D get yourself another plaster

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on June 30, 2004, 09:33:20 AM

Dear Anna,
I agree. D/D, why don't you call your self "Daniel" or maybe "Napoleon".
Now about Mr. LoPesti, Anna, Just get the Diamonds and the Mink Coat and dump him, do not burn your conections with the Royal family for him. I talked to Maxima, and when I mentioned LoPesti,  she grabed the Tiara, looked at me, growled and showed me her teeth. So I guess that is not a good sign. Somehow I got the idea Maxima knows LoPesti is after the tiara and she does not like the guy very much.

Now, I want to thank you all for attending the Expedition meetting. I agree, it was  very fun. Although the 20 cages of Tequila somehow were not enough.
Now,  I think we need a "slogan" or a theme. Sugestions are wellcome. I was thinking about something like "The Golden margarita's Quest", or maybe "The Tequila Tour"...What do you think?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 30, 2004, 04:30:26 PM
I send greetings   today to Melissa, Reed, Valmont, Anna, Janet, the Committee - Rodger and Ilana. signed: Douglas, P.S. and Ortino II, I wouldn't want to forget him.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on June 30, 2004, 05:59:05 PM
Tsar Douglas,
It is so humbling to be remembered by your august personage.  I hope that you had a good day today!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on June 30, 2004, 08:00:16 PM
Dear Reed :

Don't mention it,  you are so welcome.  I had a great day.  The sun was  bright, the birds sang and all was peaceful in these once gloomy rooms.  Oh, I must tell you, I caught Donny with one of our silver spoons in his pocket.  He can be so naughty.  What to do?  All for now....Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on July 01, 2004, 10:48:39 AM
Douglas,
I am so glad to read you were switched to another Mental Institution that has better facilities...How is the split personality therapy going??
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 01, 2004, 11:10:24 AM
Douglas or..........

To whom do we speak today ;D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 01, 2004, 12:48:42 PM
Oh, yes, I see this week  that ya'll are having a little bit of fun at my expense.  Don't worry dear ones, I am used to it.  I have elevated all of you to your current high position and this is the thanks that I receive.  It's happened before, if you remember history.  Tsar Valmont, master of the Margarita, , come on, really now, are not you being just a tad over-the-top?  Look in the mirror.  What do you see?..... Anna, I thought that the House of Orange would have better prepared you for your current  status. OOH RAH as the Marines say:.  Douglas  

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on July 01, 2004, 02:12:44 PM

I didn't get it.. I don't know... It must be me...or maybe Douglas/Donny/Daniel Boom/Cindy Lauper, is getting worse and he's not responding to the treatment... ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on July 02, 2004, 02:53:22 PM
Now,
I have just finished reading Chapter two of Uncle Francesco's Diary, and I have to say, it is quite interesting, looks like Uncle francesco went to the bathroom that night, he says the bathroom inside the house was bussy, so he had to go outside, and there was a woman dancing on the backyard. It makes sens for there is a "Claimant" here who says she had to dance her way out of the house, so the time frame seems to be ok. Then he changes the subject and starts talking about the map.. and it gets confusing.
Candice, I think I will need your services as a translator.
Please contact me..
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Candice on July 02, 2004, 06:45:53 PM
Valmont,  how can I help?   ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on July 09, 2004, 02:53:16 PM
Dear All,

I am packing my bags for the annual jaunt via the nice big boat through the Finnish skerries. Has anyone else done their imperial RSVP? After the last few weeks on the playpen thread, we could all use a little R&R...hope to see you all on deck, Anna playing and singing, and the silver trays full of lovely cool drinks...hoping this all was not "too beautiful to last"!!! Melissa and Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 09, 2004, 04:25:13 PM
Greetings Melissa and all.........

Have a great trip  and write me when you return. Say hello to Ortino II for me and  keep your  head when all others around you are losing their's, so to speak.  D. & E.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on July 12, 2004, 12:16:43 AM
Douglas,
Or should I say... DARYL???
I am so glad they let you use the computer again at the mental institution. You must be doing some progresss.. Good for you. I am glad you are not Donny, or Candice anymore (Uhh.. at least, not today..)

I hope you get better.

Best Regards,

Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 12, 2004, 11:23:49 AM
Douglas dear,

I was thinking (spies do that) .... We still don't know who your secret Empress is. Does she really exist? Not only in your mind,you know since you're a bit ......  :P We are not surprised if she is you and you are she... Don't worry we can deal with it.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 12, 2004, 12:22:24 PM
Arturo!

It was so nice to see you in the hallway the other day at the institution.  You looked great in your costume.

Anna!

Oh yes, the Empress is a very real person.  She did tell me to stop talking about her  sister.  We all had a nice yesterday on the patio.  The Empress loves to work in the garden with her flowers.

All the best:    Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on July 12, 2004, 02:05:48 PM
Anna,
You were right!!.. He's beyond treatment...
Oh well.. to more important matters... Who's up for a party this weekend????
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on July 12, 2004, 02:51:44 PM
Darlings, I have just returned from an extended stay at dear old Monte, but now must start packing my bags again for--you guessed it!--Santa Fe! Of course one must dress in full regalia for the museum cotillion, whatever the heat; it does so impress the common folk. But psst, just between you and me, I am taking my very lightest tiarra.

Anyway, I return to what has been termed the "play pen," and what do I find? Shameful accusations about marriage to one's self and wandering up and down hallways of mental institutions. Really, darlings, I cannot leave you for very long, can I? All this internal bickering and squabbling surely does not translate well to the general public. Time to clean up one's act; if Lilibet of England can speak at a memorial dedication to her nemesis and put a good face on things, well then my little Babushkas, so can we.

Remember, style over substance!

Yours for better Public Relations--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on July 12, 2004, 03:01:39 PM
Dear All,

As I frantically pack for the Baltic cruise, I must drop everything to say that, as usual, GD/GP Janet has given us sublime words of wisdom...reminding us of our Imperial Duty to put our best foot (or split in our split personalities) forward at all times. One must be an inspiration, not a source of divisive gossip, for the general public. And we must always remember, as Granny said, that nothing can undo a bad first impression, or wearing Rasputinia cologne. Melissa & Ortino II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 12, 2004, 04:28:06 PM
I guess I was correct. No one really knows who "Valmont-Arturo or whatever" is these days.  Now he tells us there's a party this weekend.  He might attend as almost anyone:  Napoleon, King George, Tsar Peter, who knows for sure.  Cheers:  Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on July 12, 2004, 04:54:36 PM
My dear Co-Tsars Douglas and Valmont,

Although it has been popular through the ages to dispose of royal relatives, pretenders, nuisances, et al..by putting them in institutions, prisons, convents, and such....let us not resort to those tactics your graces!If Russia is ever to accept the monarchy again you must present a united front....what goes on in the back won't be seen!  Now kiss and make up....play nicely!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 12, 2004, 05:32:57 PM
My dearies,

You are soooo right one must not forget who whe are. We have to try and be goo wee ones otherwise our  Nannies will turn in their grave.
So Valmont where's the party? A  pity GD/GPJanet and Melissa can't join us. But there will be enough guests all in one person ;D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on July 12, 2004, 06:45:55 PM
Yes, you are all soooo right.

Would that I could attend my dear Uncle Valmont's party, but alas the responsibilities of the modern day Royal! Jetting here, jetting there . .  . very drear, but my darlings, what is one to do?  :P

A few suggestions while partying: Keep it within four walls, as we don't want neighbors notifying authorities and/or 2 a.m. rides in paddy wagons. (Felix would have loved that, but he also liked dressing up as a woman . . . ) However, just in case any Secret Police are on the prowl, I highly recommend keeping It inside as well. After all, remember how Our Friend Gregori was written up after that night at The Bear?  :-X  Also, avoid playing King of the Hill--I can see real potential for fist fights or, God forbid, pistols at 50 paces. It also might be a good idea to rule out Musical Chairs, which in this case would be Musical Thrones--rather hard on the gilt, don't you know. Finally, avoid any drinking contests which might lead to peculiar behavior, i.e., walking on balcony ledges; watch War and Peace instead.

That being said, I would love to join you, but someone has to uphold the Family dignity and make all these personal appearances. [Sigh]

Anyway, enjoy your Three Faces of Eve party--so many nice  personalities to enjoy, but only a fraction to feed!

Adieu . . . I mean, adios--

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on July 13, 2004, 10:25:58 AM
I have been asked, for the record, to set a few things straight. Neither Bob nor I pretend to be anyone else in this thread, nor anywhere else in the Forum for that matter. We appreciate that some users like to "play" in this thread, and that is why it is here, for you to have fun.  We ourselves have neither the time nor inclination to post in this thread, and should we ever, it would be as ourselves.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 13, 2004, 11:13:35 AM
To FA and Bob,

I don't understand, as far as I know, both your names are never mentioned or used in this thread. Did I miss something?

Anna

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Candice on July 13, 2004, 03:10:16 PM
Valmont, I have always only posted as Candice never used any other name. I don't need to.

Candice, from the Greek, Candace meaning "unblemished mind and character".   8)

Regards

Candice


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 13, 2004, 03:47:41 PM
Don't know who's who anymore >:(

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Reed on July 13, 2004, 03:56:37 PM
This thread started out with a serious purpose, but quickly became a place where we could all have a bit of fun.  Now because of emails to some of us by a certain individual who is not a member, it has lost the fun aspect.  It's unfortunate that it only takes one person to ruin it for all.

I'm done.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on July 13, 2004, 05:06:21 PM

tsar Doug,

I am most humbled by your acknowledgement.  The Grand Duchess Maidel Barkinsky Woofinsky-Romanovsky says (and I quote) "woof".
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 13, 2004, 07:18:23 PM
Dear  Courtiers:
I guess Reed is taking his ball and going home, no play for him anymore, oh well.  I wonder who that naughty person could be? No one would  dare to ruin our dear playpen on this wonderful site.  Some people are just so naughty.  Thank you Ilana for your kinds words, whatever they mean.  I send my best wishes to our dear tio Valmont, he just so sweet...we all hope his tooth is feeling better. Yes, Anna, I am as confused as you are.  All these mysteries.  I am sure our dear Anna will do her detective work and find the nefarious ones and spank them.  I won't allow such bad behavior in this palace.  We are all so glad the Admin set the record straight as to those naughty rumors.  Now things can get back to normal here at the palace and we can all laugh and laugh and have just a great time.....See you later, dear ones all...Douglas  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on July 13, 2004, 09:33:34 PM
Dear FA and Bob,

I share Anna's sentiments. What started out as a bit of fun seems to have undercurrents that I for one knew/know nothing about. Anything that would cause either of you, or anyone else, any trouble is distressing to me. Melissa K.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Forum Admin on July 14, 2004, 09:20:29 AM
Ok, guess I need to clarify. First, we aren't distressed at all :).  It seems that alot of private emailing about this particular thread goes on. "Douglas" had emailed several of the participants declaring that he "knew" that certain people posting on here were really me and Bob using different names. These people asked that I clear up the point that we are not. That's all there is to it. Now maybe you see why we steer clear of this thread.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 14, 2004, 09:31:03 AM
Douglas :(

You made a lot of trouble. Take some tea and another plaster and stay hush behind the skirts of your Empress.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "Douglas" on July 14, 2004, 11:45:53 AM
Dearest Courtiers:  Everyone is so happy today at the palace.  The Empress and I are having a great time with all of the summer cleaning.  Why, just the other day the Empress discovered that her maid was actually a man!  Did we fire the rascal..no.  We just transferred him to the garage to look after the automobiles.  You see, Anna, there are lots of wonderful mysteries and intrigues going on when you live in a great palace. This old scholss is full of closets and you never know what you'll find. I can undersand just how our dear GD Melissa feels.  I noticed her expression yesterday at lunch on the veranda.  There was this mysterious look in her eyes and they were full of questions. Little Ortino II ran around in circles but he finally calmed down and is as happy as can be.  We do desire, Anna, that all is well in your wonderful tulipland.    All for now sweet spirits..  "Douglas"  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on July 14, 2004, 02:45:18 PM

I agree with Reed, This thread is not fun anymore. It is fun when everybody is joking, and not taking serious all the postings, not the other way arouond.
I think I am done here too.

Best Regards,

Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 14, 2004, 02:48:10 PM
Thank you Douglas >:(

Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on July 14, 2004, 03:37:19 PM
My Fellow Claimants, do not be distressed. So what if some of us masquerade . . . is not life a cabaret anyway? Remember, strange and mysterious undercurrents have existed throughout our great Rooshian history. And, as we all know, still waters run deep. (Or is that deep waters run still? No matter.) All I know is that here I am, about to disembark for Santa Fe, currently the Romanov Capital of the Western World, and what do I find? Disspiritedness and bewilderment amongst soooo many of us. So c'mon, get happy--oops! forgot, this isn't the Judy Garland website--er, be of good cheer, and rejoin the masked ball!Or, if you prefer, re-don your trenchcoat . . . . but whatever the garment, let's get back to doing what we Imperial Family Claimants do best . . . Um . . . Uh . . . give me a mo' and I'll to remember what that is . . .  :P
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 14, 2004, 04:32:04 PM
Good to see GD Janet this afternoon in the courtyard of the palace.  The Empress noticed a huge stack of luggage all packed up for  Janet's voyage to Sant Fe and all of the festivities to be had there.  Too bad that tio Valmont and Reed  take all of this so seriously.  One has to enjoy life and have a little fun now and then while we get ready for the coronation ball next week.  Someone is going to be the new   whatever but no one knows anything....least of all moi.  Stand by for lots of fun, fun, fun.. giggles and lots of laughs. I've had the hallboy go round and polish all of the door knobs in the palace.  He'e the best and also does up the silverware...even though we are missing a few spoons.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on July 14, 2004, 05:11:25 PM
My Fellow Imperial Claimnants:

So distressed and distraught have I been re: so much dismay and disheartedness that I jolly well dissed myself out of a proper sign off.   :(

That being said, I must admit that Tsar Doug also sounds a bit addled . . . Really, Sire, I am taking a carriage, not a boat, since Santa Fe--remembering  what my tutors and governesses used to tell me--is landlocked.

All the same, I do expect those nice gentlemen in the clean white suits--no, no, not THOSE . . .  the ones at the top of this topic!--to greet me as I disembark. It's the very least that is due me, for I am, indeed,

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on July 14, 2004, 05:34:52 PM
Dearest GD Janet:

We're so sorry for the confusion about your mode de la tranportacion to Santa Fe.  I thought that you were going via the Grand Canyon by boat but lo and behold you're going by  'carriage'.  I can get so confused some days.  It may be the little blue pills or the purple ones.  I told Dr. Kinbot to put the pills in colored bottles and I just  get all mixed up.  The good Dr. says I am responding to 'treatment'.  Soon I'll be better and can enjoy a shave without fearing the imperial barber and his blades.  Have a great time in Santa Fe, Janet and all and we'll see you upon your most gracious return to the imperial court.  Most happily and back on the meds..."Douglas"   P. S. Say hello to Santa for us.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on July 23, 2004, 07:46:38 AM
Dearest All

I've spent the last 2 hours reading through these notes and I'd just like to say a hearty THANK YOU for keeping me in stitches!!!  I'm suffering from a really bad bout of flu and this has cheered me up no end.

I'm not Royal, have no wish to be, but would love to attend the next Court Ball when it comes around.  I'll happily come as someone's Lady in Waiting.  I have a lovely swirly blue silk dress (a bit like a meringue) which would be shown off to best advantage during a waltz, and can hum God Save the Tsar too.  If this qualifies me, I'll cheerfully come along and show off my best curtsey to you all.

Thanks again for the laughs - they're much appreciated!

PS:  If there are any budding Grand Dukes out there - I look fab in diamonds and can also do the Macarena!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 23, 2004, 12:01:28 PM
Dear Kathleen,

Nice to know someone loves us :) I hope our stories made you feel any better. You're welcome to the party, but don't know where or when.

Get well soon ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on July 23, 2004, 12:30:17 PM
Dearest Katieann--

Your very comportment itself deems you to be a royal, illness or not. Of course you may attend the next Court Ball, swirly dress and all. And if you teach us the Macarena, we will be forever in your debt. Remember, there were other such parties in St. P, with special demonstrations of new dance steps . . . and they were so popular that additional parties were scheduled, just to accomodate all who wished to observe and learn! So, already you are operating within royal tradition.

But alas, I may not be able to attend, since additional luggage continues to pile up in the courtyard as I await my conveyance which will transport me and my vast retinue of servants to Santa Fe. Traveling can be such a bore, is it not so?

At any rate, enjoy the festivities, and do take care of that dreadful flu before it becomes La Grippe.

Still at the playpen, I remain

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on July 26, 2004, 07:58:09 AM
Dear GD Janet

It just dawned on me that with my hobby I could maybe apply for a vacant position as a Dance Teacher.  I'm well versed in the waltz, quick step, foxtrot and can manage a passable tango (though not if you're thinking of inviting the Argentinian Ambassador along - he'd probably laugh out loud at my efforts.)  I can also do the Macarena, Funky Chicken and Cha Cha Slide.  Then there's the Scottish Country Dancing element.  We'll need bagpipes for that and a floor that's really slippy (a sprained wrist or broken ankle is the norm if you spend the night "reeling").  Is the ballroom at AP fitted out with highly-polished wood or marble floor?  Either would make the Country Dancing element go with a real swing.  I could initiate the court into the intracacies of The Gay Gordons, The Duke of Perth, The Dashing White Sergeant and Strip The Willow, along with quite a few reels as well.  Mind you, my swirly blue dress would have to be changed for something in white with a tartan sash, but I daresay the Court Couturier (my Mum?) could help me out with that!

Yours hopefully,

Kathleen
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Ilana on July 26, 2004, 05:50:17 PM
Ah... how I should love to learn to dance... if only I didn't have four left feet... (paws??)

Her Imperial Highness the Grand Duchess Maidel Barkinsky Woofinsky-Romanovsky  (woof)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas & E. on July 26, 2004, 07:45:29 PM
Greetings Imperial Courtiers!

Hello to our new Katie Anne!  We used to have a dancing master, Prince Albert  of Monaco, but he is off with one of his pals on some sort of holiday.  He was a great dance teacher as he can both lead and follow.  He is just so versitile and a fun guy to say the least.    Cheers to Anna.  All new members should be forewarned that Anna is a Master Spy.  I can always tell when she has been snooping around my corridors...it is by the wonderful smell of her perfume.  Wow, when she enters a room it is like a perfume bomb has gone off...we love it!  Cheerio  to GD Janet:  Good to hear that you're a good sport with the dancing but  we'd all love to see your fabulous impression of the movie:  Dirty Dancing!  If you need a partner ...may I offer my services? BTW Llana, no dancing with the dogs, like you did at the Spring Cotillion in St. Petersberg.  It was just a little over -the-top.  All the best  dear ones, D.& E.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on July 26, 2004, 09:22:14 PM
May it please your Royal Majesties D and E, but I am so focused on the ever-growing stack of courtyard luggage, along with overseeing a full retinue of servants, all of whom will accompany me to Santa Fe, that I fear I must decline your kind offers of cotillions, Prince Albert in or out of the can, and tributes to Dirty Dancing and other cinematic classics.

However, I beg your indulgence in the hiring of Katieann as Royal Dance Instructor, since I feel she will bring a new level of enthusiasm to our appreciation of terphsicore. And while I was indeed well schooled in all the most decorous of dances that any young lady should know, I confess that refresher courses in the Cha Cha Chicken and Funky Slide would be quite appropriate. (Oh dear, I hope I did not muddle those titles. Ah well.)

At any rate, since I am bound for Santa Fe rather than Kansas, I cannot simply click my heels together three times but must instead supervise the servants in loading up the royal carriage. So, without further adieu  :-X, I bid you fond ado  :-/  and give you firm assurance that our family will be well reprsented by

Yours Truly,

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas & "E" on July 26, 2004, 10:46:56 PM
Prince Albert in the "can".  Oh, I get it!  GD Janet, you are such  a wit...we love it!  Have a great time in NM and say hello to Santa for us. If any of the things on display  in the museum are for sale...let us know and I'll send my footman to pick them up.   We wouldn't want anything to end up in some strange house in Rio or Tokyo.  And as to the dancing, how about us all do my favorite at the next gala: The Hokey Pokey.  Don't worry, it's easy.  "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on July 27, 2004, 07:12:05 AM
from the cage paper of HIH Indeed the Budgerigarevich Dmitri.

We are distressed here at the Aviary in Massandra that there has been a recent attempt at a palace coo.  It seems the local pigeons are making a mess on the Palace roof that we could easily see here when watching coverage on television recently.  

The Imperial Budgerigar Court are doing well here, including the Cossack Baby.  Regards.

HIH Dmitri.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on July 27, 2004, 07:29:21 AM
Dearest All

I have the most divine news!  My cat (known to the family by her pet name of Dinah) has annouced that she is actually Princess Dinahlova Meowsky-Romanovsky - a direct descendant of GD Olga's cat Vashka!  Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather at that bit of information.  She's actually gone all 'regal' on me and is now demanding a velvet pillow for her personal use, Faberge collar (appropriately inscribed), cat treats on an hourly basis, and a new carrying box so that she can travel to Tsarskoe Selo in appropriate style.  Now, as an almost Dance Instructor to the Imperial Court (I understand Prince Albert doesn't know the intricacies of the Funky Chicken and his Cha Cha Slide doesn't slide enough), would it be appropriate for me to bring the Princess along?  She's perfectly happy napping on her cushion throughout the day, but can sometimes get a bit fraught if there are too many people around - especially if they're not Royal.  Would this cause problems?  Dinahlova gets on well with lesser species (ie dogs) and would be very happy to become acquainted with any birds who are on the premises too.  She doesn't like caviar but adores fresh tuna or chicken.  Help and advice from ALL members of the Family would be much appreciated! ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "Douglas" on July 27, 2004, 01:41:19 PM
Dearest Katie Ann - Kathleen and Devine  Dourtiers:

Please inform your  household animals and pets that  they all have to get in line according to the palace pecking order of the Imperial Pets.  The PPOIP.  Besides that  we just cannot have these creatures  running loose in the corridors without their attendants and nannies.  The other day the Empress awoke to find both Ortino II and Princes Meowsky in bed with her.  She was not amused. Therefore the Imperial Decree is declared:  All the courtiers are to be watchful of their dear pets and please remove them from the palace after evening tea.  Back to business:  "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on July 27, 2004, 03:56:15 PM
My dearies,


Douglas as always charming, the secret of my success?
"Maroussia from Slava Zaitsev". Generals and Princes of the royal blood faint when I enter a room. As I tiptoed through your corridors I could still smell the scent of "Rasputinia" I send you some time ago. I thought E didn't used it anymore.
With the Gd/Gp Janet in Santa and spy-bussines in a recess, there's not much for me to do. I could assist Katieann with dancinglessons (and do a bit of spying on her as she is new to the crew ;))You all know I'm a virtuoso on the ballalaika but did you see MY dying swan? I took some masterclasses from my good friend G. Balanchine and even appeared in the corps de ballet at de Bolsjoi. So what can go wrong? Ilana needs definitely some lessons and their Majesties too. It's all in the hips my dears.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on July 28, 2004, 03:27:15 AM
Cherie Douglas

I am shocked!  My human companion (Katieann) informs me that Ortino II and another Princess Meowsky slept on the Empress's bed.  Are you SURE these are royal offspring??  I NEVER sleep anywhere except my own bed (it's so much more comfortable than that weird contraption Katieann is forced to use); and, as for running loose along the corridors - well, my dear, that is simply NOT DONE.  I never go anywhere without my Nanny, personal maid, valet and 2 guards.  Nanny still insists on proper table manners ("paws off the table", "chew your food with your mouth closed", "use a napkin", "always ask to be excused") even though I am now quite grown up, but naturally I obey her as she knows best.  My personal maid ensures that my private needs are attended to - I would say more, but Nanny says such things aren't spoken of in public.  The valet ensures there are adequate supplies of my favourite food, my water bowls are kept filled, and my toys are always exactly where I need them to be.  And the guards are there to ensure that I am not catnapped or harmed.  If I say so myself, I am a very pretty cat with excellent markings and a good pedigree and Katieann would of course be distraught if I disappeared.

Allowing cats or dogs the free run of a palace is wrong.  They will end up with ideas above their station and will result in low-born moggies thinking it is acceptable to sleep on the Throne, lounge on the Empress's bed and walk over the Emperor's desk.  Such things cannot be tolerated and I for one will not visit until my safety and wellbeing can be completely assured.  I will need a room for myself of course, plus one each for the valet, Nanny and Katieann.  The guards can share a room - but should be stationed nearby in case I require them.  I am the great great great great great great great great granddaughter of a Grand Duchess's cat and should be treated with the deference and respect my rank deserves.

And, I have heard a nasty rumour circulating about me.  I DID NOT eat the goldfish from Granny's fish pond when I was round visiting.  It was that sneaky grey cat from No. 26 that did it.  His name's Pebbles (WHAT kind of name is that for a cat??) and I saw him as I was having my morning bath.  He had the sheer nerve to come up to the window and meow at me.  And, we hadn't even been introduced!  What appalling manners.

Yours in friendship

Dinahlova.

meow, meow, meow

Douglas - sorry Her Imperial Princess-ship is getting a bit stroppy.  The guy next door's just got a new kitten and she's taken it upon herself to instruct the interloper in the proper way to behave.  This kitty's more rock n roll than minuette and she's taking it badly.  Keeps complaining that his table manners aren't good.  Anyway, I thought a trip to my Mum's would help calm her down, but there was the incident with the goldfish.  While I am not one to point fingers, I did see HRH burying something in the garden.  She swears it was something unmentionable, but I could definitely smell fish.  Think it would be best if we didn't visit until all the ponds at Tsarskoe Selo are covered.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on July 28, 2004, 07:07:45 AM
From the cage paper of HIH the Grand Budgiess Tatiana:

Our adorable brother HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri was quite interested in last night's television program.  His favorite part was to see the people playing hockey instead of eating fish eggs.  Here in Massandra the local sponsors broadcast a commercial for 'Zolotaya Ikra'  "the caviar of bird seed" featuring that horrible poseur Keetshenskya.  Our most adorable father HIM the Budgerigar Alexis-Percival was perhaps a little embarrassed in front of HIM the Budgerigarina....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on August 01, 2004, 11:46:04 AM
dearest all,

sorry for this keyboard punctuation or lack thereof, but the keyboards here in the former imperial province of estonia are too tricky for poor old me...just wanted to say that ortiino the second was left in the care of mr. paul burrell during my baltic holiday, and so how he got into the imperial apartments i do not know...four lashes with a wet teabag for him...the butler, not my precious doggie....caio for now from the baltic, melissa minus ortino the second
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on August 02, 2004, 04:41:06 AM
Dear NAAOTMA

You left Ortino II with PAUL BURRELL!  What had the poor doggy done to deserve that??  He must have been very naughty to deserve such punishment and, of course, he (Ortino that is) is naturally forgiven for wishing to run riot.  Although I am very well-behaved, I think I may have succumbed to the same feelings if I had been left in his 'care'.  When I visit Tsarskoe Selo I may just have to give Mr Burrell a teeny scratch to remind him of his place.  And forget wet teabags - how about a cat o nine tails?  Sounds more interesting to me especially if it comes with mice.

Best meows to you.

Dinahlova

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 02, 2004, 06:52:48 PM
Melissa dearie,

How is your trip to the imperial estates of Estonia? Some trouble with the keyboard dear? Ah well I can read you loud and clear.
As you already know there's a new cat in the house, thanks not in mine residence. It looks likes she trying to make friends with Ortino, and is leaving some marks on the face of your butler Paul Burrell. I can spy for you who's the owner of that cat, but it will cost you some of that wonderful Estonian perfume, which you bring back hidden between your fur ( am I right?)
The GD/GP Janet is making an imperial tour to Santa F and your precious Douglas and empress are gone with the wind. So It's only me guarding our mansions and treasures. But I'm okay, play the balalaika all day.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on August 03, 2004, 12:30:05 PM
Anna Dahlik and others, I have returned from my grand tour of Santa Fe, but unfortunately am currently in the grip of la grippe. Really such an intense experience in New Mexico that I have been left weak . . . a victim of those Santa Fe sunrises, multiple helpings of cactus salad, and of course the truly wonderful exhibit itself. (Which I  shall explain, in due time, at Santa Fe thread, and under my nom de plume of Janet_W.)

Presently one of my staff is preparing a poultice--hence my brief upright position in front of the keyboard--but in short time I must follow doctor's orders for liquids, rest, and etcetera etcetera.

BTW, I have a desert tortoise with a surprisingly regal if curmudgeonly air. Could it be? Is he the ______ ? (Permission granted for each of you to fill in the blank.  ::) )

Ah, but hark! My lady-in-waiting approacheth! So, at this time I most humbly take my leave of all of you, retreating to my boudoir for concentrated and alas prolonged (per doctor's orders) rest and relaxation.

Yet I remain

The ailing GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 04, 2004, 04:20:36 PM
GD/GP Janet Dearie,

La grippe quel malheur :( and that on your imperial tour to Santa F. Can't wait to hear the details of the exibit. I hope they received you with all regards. After all a royal visit must have made the guides quite nervous.
Dear, I would love to come over from Europe but you know how delicate I am. One sneeze from you and I have stay in bed for weeks:P I'll ask dr.Kinbot to examen you, he did so on Dougie dear- well you know what  happened to him, soooo sad :'(.  I did send you some flowers and my latest CD" Anna's greatest balalaika hits" that will cheer you up  ;D
When you are able to ly on your chaise, do send for me and I will fly like a swan.

Get better soon ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "Douglas" on August 04, 2004, 04:47:34 PM
Greetings and Cheers to all of the Members of the Imperial Court:  Well,  your Highness Anna, I see you are well and seeing to all of the affairs  of the House of Orange.  Was that you we say plucking a tulip from the Royal Gardens the other evening?  I agree, it was a beauty!  +++GD Janet, so sad to hear you are under the weather.  Be a bit cautious about our dear old Dr. Kinbot.  You know, his medial abilities are from the 18th Century.  At least he knows how to have our chef make up a great chicken soup a la Stroganov.  Mmm, so good.  ++++I did have a visit the other day from the Imperial Dentist, Dr. Nuyen  Faberge.  When I looked in the mirror I was so astonished to see that he had placed a little diamond in the filling with a gold setting.  Every time I open my mouth, everyone in the chamber is hit with a great sparkle of light.  Oh, such a delight.  Now I'm off to the terrance for a sun bath.  The Empress insists that the servants place screens all round so that the populace does not peer at  the royal corpus.  Cheerio.....Douglas
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on August 06, 2004, 11:50:03 AM
dear tsar doug and loyal courtiers, here i am on the island of saarema, off the coast of estonia...it is the land of mosquitos and no cross ventilation, my dears, though the mudbath spas are divine...maybe anna could sing in the charming cafe here...or at the imperial bandshell...and GD janet could recuperate...i am sending home cases of estonian perfume, though actually DEET cologne would be more useful as a momento...if tsar doug would wish to fill the imperial coffers, he could start up a screen business in the former imperial province of estonia...or a royal bugzapper business with the fauxberge design shop making a beautiful bug zapper design...as there are no screens and the skeeters are as big as B52s...but one suffers to represent the imperial court no matter what trials are involved, including leaving dear ortino the second with mr. paul burrell...my best regards to all of you, and my special regards to the dear empress...missing you all, dearies, melissa k. minus ortino the second
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on August 06, 2004, 06:05:08 PM
I echo Katieann's sentiments - this thread is a hoot! May I play, too?

I'm interested in supporting the Crown with my espionage skills. Perhaps Master Spy Anna could put down the balalaika and set up the Imperial Intelligence Service - what do you think, Anna - Novaya Okhrana???
Ochen zhal about your love, Sidney - too bad he fell victim to Trest!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Annie on August 06, 2004, 06:39:19 PM
Katieann, I am here to inform you that my cat, Samantha Strayevna is challenging Dinah's claim as the heir to the Vashka line! Samantha's father Stray Tenderovich claims he is the illegitimite son of Prince Spirit who claims to be a direct desendant of Vashka's older brother who was rescued from the palace in St. Petersburg by one of Kerensky's little boys before being found roaming the streets of Paris in a daze. Taken in by the emigre' community but afraid to reveal his identity in case the Bolsheviks came after him, he lived in obscurity as a farm cat for years before traveling to America by ship where his line contiunes to this day in my Samantha!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "Douglas" on August 06, 2004, 11:44:51 PM
Dearest  AnBhanfhaidh:

Please let all of the imperial courtiers know your royal name.
The above nome de mysterious is nice but  what does it actually say? Feel welcome to choose your own imperial title...don't be shy. +++ Our dear GD Melissa is so sweet to give us all her imperial blog about her royal procession to the far reaches of our  vast imperial domains; which actually includes  most of the known world, except Kyoto. The Empress and I do not plan much travel this summer as we are having our portraits painted by  a protege of Andy Warhol: Prince de la Orleans, of the  Left Bank of Moscow.  He has a great talent for being able to paint a portrait  that shows both the front and the back of your head at the same time.  I think he uses a mirror in the composition. Oh, so original.  It is so wonderful to be outre and with it, as they say in Santa Fe.  Ouvre dear ones, HIM  Doug and "E", the absent Empress. [Anna? have you seen the Empress in Delft?]
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on August 07, 2004, 10:00:16 AM
dear tsar doug and all the dearies,

i just wanted to let you know that i have left the mudbaths and returned to revalakatalliinn...returning to my duties at tsarkoe will be a breeze after trying to fit in here and represent the imperial court properly...i looked around at the breakfast buffet, and everyone was wolfing down herring and salad at seven in the morning...to show that their highnesses are sensitive to all their empires customs, i too ate herring every morning with salad and did it with a smile...this is just one small gesture of goodwill that is so important to show that tsar doug is a tsar who understands...ciao for now, dearies ----GD melissa minus ortino the second
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "Douglas" on August 07, 2004, 02:05:45 PM
Dearest Melissa:

I have just send a message to  our chef.  It states that we must have salad and herring for breakfast.  This must be the proper thing to do these days....as I see that you are served it and we must  be 'a la mode'.   Melissa, we can't find the Empress anywhere in the palace.  Have you seen her and her retinue anywhere in your travels hither and yon?  I do know that she took a  bag of her jewels and various large notes with her.  If you do see her, approach with great caution and ask her if she knows Mr. Burrell.  That's our secret code for, have you been to the bath.  She'll know what you mean and greet you warmly.  Try to purloin some of those jewels.  She took them from  our dentist and we need them for new fillings.  Ciao, "D".  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 07, 2004, 02:07:49 PM
Dearies,

Yes Dougie dear, I was plucking some tulips from the royal gardens in Den Hague preparing the Imperial Suite for your Empress. Finally she did came out of the closet. I was called on duty as Lady-in-waiting by Queen B. to entertain your consort. Well the lady made my day, I'm lying here - fatigued, blisters on my feet and a terrible headache- on my chaise longue. Man, that woman knows how to shop.
As a matter of fact SHE shopped till I dropped :P.

First she wanted to buy diamonds in A'dam, then she decided to mingle with the locals in a coffee-shop, I had to drag here out of there, she simply wouldn't understand, coffee isn't the only thing they serve!! She appeased when I bought here some wooden shoes and made une tour de bateau. After tea we left for Delft, she wanted to buy Royal Delfts-blue and porcelain.
Hope I did bring that home safe.
I would be ever so grateful when you collect your Empress and here stuff as soon as possible. The royal family and I are worn out.

AnBhanfhaidn dear,------ as a spy I've to do some inquiry--- your name --oh dear :-/ Please translate for me what you wrote about my beloved Sidney .....sob.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on August 10, 2004, 10:53:17 AM
Dear Anna:
  I see you wish to test your recruit. As I know you know, Sidney Reilly was a white Russian agent and got caught up in the "sting" operation the Soviets mounted against the Romanovs (Nikolasha and Dmitri). Trest was an elaborate ploy created to make the Romanovs and counter-revolutionaries believe there was a strong counter-revolutionary movement in Russia proper. Many white agents were lured across the border on pretexts of meeting up with like-minded people, only to be captured or killed. Reilly went across the border on such a mission and was never heard from again. (Trest means Trust as in a business; its predecessor which also "took out" a major white Russ spy was called Syndikat).
 Tsar Doug, please take heed. See the price paid by those loyal to the throne. I think a Countess-ship is the least to request. Countess Tatiana - has a nice ring. And, alas, I have revealed my real name. Hopefully, I won't lose points with the Master Spy for that breech of security. (AnBhanfhaidh is the title of a Celtic prophetess - it is pronounced "Ahn vanEE". Good spies should have a command of many languages and cultures, don't you think??)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on August 11, 2004, 06:58:31 PM
From the Imperial Beside

Family Claimants All--

My right hand waves to you the faintest of royal waves as I continue Week II of La Grippe. Writing Santa Fe travelogues can be arduous, you know, but with that task now complete I can sleep a bit more soundly and--who knows--perhaps muster enough energy for a counter-revolution. In the meantime, I am keeping Imperial Cainine Cocoa and Imperial Felines Rex and Reginald out of the hallways, as well as fighting off all local invading ants (Red Bolshies in disguise, I fear) with well-aimed spritzes of Raid. If the flu doesn't get me, dear ones, the ant spray just might.

Perhaps it all began with that cactus salad in Santa Fe. Ah, one does regret not taking along one's royal food tasters, but at this point it's only so much spilled tequilla . . .

Yours for wellness--

The Ailing GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on August 11, 2004, 07:39:15 PM
From the cage paper of HIH Indeed (the) Cossack Baby:

The anchoress of this nice hermitage tells me that tomorrow is someone's hundredth anniversary and that she will be feeding us bird treats in His Human Imperial Highness' honor.  That is something to look forward to!  So tonight I will have sweet dreams instead of nightmares about frightening old photos of someone that looks like they looked like a Grand Duchess if someone else said so....  or even worse -- Mr. Paul Burrell.

HIH Dmitri approves of the Imperial Protocol regarding the animal Tsardom.

HIH Cossack Baby.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 12, 2004, 05:48:51 PM
Dearies,

Anbhanfhaidn dear.....you've passed the test.. By courtesy of the spy-confederation we grant you the name of "Tati". In this circuit our names have to be short as we have to move fast (lesson 1). My welcome present ...I knew you've wanted this such a long time, but it's a limited edition and for members only ...Anna's greatest Balalaika hits ;D. Would be nice if you have some skills - acting, playing a music instrument- this can be of use as a disguise and you can come in easily at most parties (lesson 2).
Last but not least- how are you getting along with blini's and bubbles - we don't drink tea and use teabags only for our eyes (lesson 3)
When the Gd/GP Janet can stand straight on her feet, I shall ask for an audition and introduce properly

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on August 12, 2004, 06:30:44 PM
Dearest Mentor Master-Spy Anna:
  I do play the Celtic Harp (An Bhanfhaidh is the name of my harp per tradition that all Celtic Harps are named). I used to play the balalaika until a kind workman stuck a broom handle into it's bottom  :'(. Funny thing is, being a Berioshka shop quality balalaika, it still sounds the same, even with a big gaping hole in it - oh well  :-/ So, very delighted at the CD.
 Will one of the budgies be instructing their carrier pigeon entourage to deliver same?? If so, I'll put out the pigeon poop tarp for my NYC apt roof.  ;D
  Blinis sound great. And if the bubbles are champagne, that sounds even better (hic). But, I'm afraid I'm not up to the peanut butter.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on August 12, 2004, 10:19:55 PM
From the cage paper of HIM Indeed the Budgerigar Alexis-Percival:

We ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Keet-Prince of Birdland, Ph.D. of All Bird Brains, etcetera, etcetera and so on and so forth, yadda yadda yadda...  do hereby authorize OUR Imperial Courier to perform messenger duties to New York City on behalf of certain of OUR distinguished human companions.  He is to be suitably accorded all reasonable long distance shuttle privileges on luxury human conveyances en route to and upon his return from the agreed point of departure in the United States.

By Ooh-cuteness of HIM the Budgerigar
ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on August 14, 2004, 05:32:47 AM
Dearest Anna:
  The CD has arrived. And, my, you do play beautifully. I could not hope to match your skill with my hole-in-the-bottom balalaika.
  Funny thing, the CD was found next to a deposit of pigeon poo, anchoring a request for repayment ??? for a round-trip first class airline ticket. Hmm. The airline ticket was propped against a dark grey pigeon feather with gold gilt on the edges  :o (Sort of reminded me of the Imperial pages with the gold trim on their black coats).
 Good thing I had the tarp out!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on August 14, 2004, 08:26:00 AM
From the cage paper of HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri
To HIH Tanya, Grand Duchess of NYC, Princess of Schenectady, etc. etc..

August 12 and 8/4, 2004

My dear Grand Duchess Tanya:

It grieved me as Your Highness' ever affectionate Budgerigarevich that one of our Imperial Couriers, Cyril, had a lapse in protocol recently, and rather than following the procedure of submitting all requests for reimbursement of his business expenses directly to my personal staff, asked for payment from Your Highness.

Wishing to relieve your distress by following the example of my much beloved human counterpart, I have ensured that this bill has already been paid and enclose proof of said payment.  Cyril has been coached -- again -- on appropriate TransAtlantic Imperial Courier procedure and wishes to second my sincere apologies.  His wings have been clipped and he will assume domestic duties in future until further notice.


With sincerest and loftiest regrets.

HIH Dmitri
Sovereign Feathered Budgerigarevich, Great Keet of Birdland, M.S. of All Bird Brains, etc. etc.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on August 19, 2004, 10:57:26 AM
Dear Tsar Doug and Courtiers All,

Well, I am thrilled to think that Herring and Etc. will make it on the Imperial Breakfast Buffet from this time forward...the provinces will approve and that can only mean more regard for all things Imperial among the populace. Just please don't expect me to eat anymore of it! I did my bit for God and the Imperial House during my recent travels, and am back to black coffee and the newspaper (ironed before I receive it on the breakfast tray, of course) as my usual breakfast...

So sorry to report than the Empress was nowhere to be found on my travels, though I did run into a very nice little French Bulldog-Ortino lookalike in the charming Estonian town of Tartu...will keep my eye peeled for the imperial luggage, and of course at the local megamall...the Empress does like her shopping! I have committed the password to memory, and do hope I can report back with news of a sighting! Bye the bye, has the Imperial security force scanned the crowds at the Olympics for the Empress? There was a tiny rumor she might attend... caio for now, GD Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 19, 2004, 04:35:45 PM
Melissa and other dearies,

When there's something wrong in your royal neighbourhood, who you gonna call........ Spy Anna (and newbie "Tati").
As we all know the Empress was last seen in The Hague
but we traced her all the way to Greece, Dougie was with her too. They were seated next to HRH Prince Alexander of Orange at the Olympic openings ceremony.
Later I discoverd the pair wanted to register themselves for synchronised swimming, they already have that frozen smile on their face and know how to keep up ones nose.
Alas, they failed the dopingtest, to much tea in their royal blood. It would have been so nice, watching them swim on the beautiful tones of my balaika.

I do hope I spelled correctly and I didn't use smileys, except this one

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . .
Post by: Doug & "E" on August 20, 2004, 12:12:03 AM
Greetings one and all:  We're all just back from Athens.  The Empress is sad that our son, Prince Platon, did not get the gold medal for high diving.  Our dear Prince feels that being the most blond is what counts. We've told him a hundred times that the color of one's hair is not the most important part of being an athlete.  Sitting next to the Prince of Orange, ne Alexander, was most interesting.  He has the sweetest breath.  I think he uses some sort of mint.

Thank you, Anna, for the report on the Empress and her mad coffee drinking and shopping spree in the Amsterdam!  When we got home the orderly brought me a huge tray of bills. She goes on these crazy coffee binges and we just don't know what to do.  And if she adds a little chocolate to this it's "Katey - Bar the Door".

Grand Duchess Melissa is well,  I see.  I must report that we're back to toast and coffee for breakfast.  The sour cream and herring was nice for a day or so but I told the porters to lay on the marmalade and butter for the rest of the summer.

We hope that GD Janet is over her mal de  cough.  I hope the cough syrup we sent helped - Dr. Kinbot made it up and added a little narcotic but not too much.  I note that he added on the label that one should not use heavy farm machinery when using the syrup.  Naturally I always heed his sage advice.  Blessings all......D & E and our overly blond Prince Platon. 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on August 20, 2004, 01:43:51 PM
Greetings One and All Royal Claimants, a.k.a. RCs:   I have indeed recovered. Indeed I have.  And, might I add, out of deed as well.  :o

Of course, I still have a bit of a cough. But then, I always cough when I am fwightened.  (Not a misspelling, mind you, but merely my recently-recovered accent, with many sincere thanks to the spirit of Ingrid Bergman, alive and well on DVD.)

Really such a bore to be so ill for such a long long time.  Traveling, however, does that to one. Still, attending the Santa Fe cotillion—all royal obligation aside—was so very very worth it. Mixing with the general public—ah, what delight! And you know, I think they really liked me. We dined on salsa and downed tequila, and I changed out all diamonds in my tiaras to turquoise. Such fun! We were very much amused. :D

All the same, I fear that the good people of Newark must go on without me. Tsar Doug, perhaps you and your estimable spouse could take my place? Or my dearest Anna, could you hop on the Concorde—or whatever is available these days—and do the honors? Or mayhap another one of you might step in. I promise to return the favor once my health is fully restored!

Yours for cough lozenges, accurate spelling and abolishment of smileys:-*--

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. FYI Tsar Doug, there's plenty of sage advice in Santa Fe.   ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KayTanaka on August 20, 2004, 08:36:32 PM
Dear Janet Whitcomb Guest---Sorry to be so nosy or is that nosey?  Noisy??? But I was wondering. Is that sage advice in Santa Fe Russian? Glad you're on the mend.  Or is that mending?  ;DMany Blessings, Kay.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on August 23, 2004, 03:32:33 AM
Dearest Annie

Thank you so much for letting us know that your dear Samantha is a relative of mine!  The family story about me is I am a descendant of Vaska and a cat from the Imperial Yacht Standart - indeed, there is a photograph of my great great (I forget how many greats!) Grandy being held by the Tsarevich whilst he sits on the deck.  That photo has pride of place beside my basket.  After the Revolution we were taken about the Marlborough and sailed to England with the Dowager Empress Marie.  The rest, as they say, is history and we have been British ever since.

However, there has been a slight hiccup in my plans to move into the Alexander Palace.  Katieann (my human companion) heard the words "Paul Burrell" mentioned and turned a very pale shade of white.  Then she said some words which delicacy forbids me from repeating and promptly cancelled our airline tickets.  I distinctly heard the words "Princess" and "traitor" being mentioned, and thought it best to absent myself as she had what can best be described as a murderous look in her eyes.  I never knew the name of a servant could provoke such wrath.  Ah well, such is the human world.  However, my new carrying case has been put away for the time being, but my newly inscribed collar is still round my neck and looks lovely.  It's gold with blue stones and my name engraved on the front - the gold is particularly attractive as it picks out the colour of my eyes.

Well, as Katieann will obviously no longer be taking up her post as Dancing Tutor (a shame, as she's really quite good) due to the presence of "A N Other", all I can do is send you my best wishes from my basket beside the fire and hope that you and dear Samantha have a lovely summer.  Maybe one day we shall meet up in St Petersburg and exchange escape stories?

Fondest meows to you both.

Dinahlova
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on August 23, 2004, 11:32:03 AM
Dearest Claimants,

Illness and temperment issues are part of our lives, is that not so? For whether we are human, feline, or canine we are first and foremost Roosians and therefore prone to melancholy.

Therefore, strike up the balalikas, pour the vodka, and let those of us who already miss the Santa Fe exhibit-- soon to be the Newark exhibit--surround ourselves in Russian sage. (And let's see New Jersey find something equivalent!!)

Yours for better aromatherapy--

The GD/GP
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 23, 2004, 02:20:00 PM
GD/GP Janet and other dearies,

We are not feeling gloomy do we? Didn't you enjoy my CD to cheer you up? Well I think it's bettter to hop on that concorde or whatever is flying to your side of the world. I'll bring my balalaika, blinis, vodka, latest gossip and good mood. Are we having a party or what?
It's a great honor to be present at the Newark exhibit, I have to be back on time because they are expecting me september 18th in A'dam to assist Queen B. at the opening of the exhibit in the Little Hermitage. We go in full court dress, you know the whole everything, tiara's, loads of pearlstrings etc etc.  
I must admit I'm gonna love it :D So if you see somebody
wink at the camera's of wearing dark sunglasses, It's me saying Hiya to all dearies ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on August 25, 2004, 12:47:49 AM
Dear Anna and Each and Every Dearie,

Greetings from the Mauve Cottage at Tsarkoe Selo...today I mowed the lawn in front of the cottage, and then rested in the hammock with ice tea and caviar sandwiches...I wish Tsar D. and the Empress could arrange for the gardener to nip over to my little garden on a regular basis, but so far I am on my own in the lawn mowing department. Hard to push the mower while holding a parasol at the same time...not to mention what it does to my white kid gloves (from the JBK auction).

Anna dear, how exciting you are going to attend those two openings! Would you like to borrow my diamond and pearl tiara, or maybe my emeralds to dazzle the Amsterdam crowd? You know I am always a "friend who will lend" when it comes to the "jewel pool" ...besides, I owe you one for letting me borrow your sapphire parure for my Baltic Tour. It is divine, dearie-such a lucky girl you are to have so many beautiful baubles! Do watch after your health after what happened to GD Janet in Santa Fe. Those Bolshie germs are scary!

Itsn't it exciting that more imperial kitties are coming forward? I think perhaps Mr. Paul Burrell needs to pack his bags and hit the road to star in his own reality show. Heavens knows he is not seeing to the dusting at the palace...and the salmon sandwiches at tea are postively dried out! Plus few of the imperial critters seem to like him very much. Animals always know, they say!

The Tsar and Empress are unwinding from their trip to Athens. Now they are starting their Christmas shopping. Clever to be such early birds. Please forward me all your "wish lists" and I will see that they get to Tsar D. and the Empress. I may ask for a lawnmower I can ride, as the Imperial Family goes in for practical presents. I think their account at Cartier is always a good bet too. They also seem to enjoy the things they can purchase at Costco, like the new porch furniture the Empress picked up for the newly restored balcony of the Alexander Palace.  Ciao for now, GD Melissa & Ortino II







Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "D" & "E" on August 25, 2004, 03:00:00 PM
Dearest Courtiers:  Hi Ho, our dear Grand Duchess Melissa....I  ordered that the Imperial Landscapers be sent to your private palace immediately to cut the grass on your estate.  None of our GD's should be mowing the lawn in this hot weather.  Also, I sent you some lemonade  and watercress sandwiches.  Be cool my dear. +++ The Empress is on her coffee binge again.  She now wants her own private Starbucks installed in the west wing.  What next?  I asked our  lawyers - Dewey,Cheetham & Howe to look into the legality of these things.  All for now,  "T"  "D". 8) It's just all too exciting!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on August 25, 2004, 03:10:29 PM
Dear Mentor Anna:
  It's so nice to see you posting again. There was such a lull there for awhile that I got frightened and started burning all the sensitive papers. Unfortunately, my roof-top bonfire caught the eye of the local constabulary who were not amused at spywork for distant emperors, et. al. But, my cover is still secure - I 'm sure the eye rolling from the gendarmes confirms their belief that I belong to the class of local NY "character".

 Too bad, GD Janet is not coming to Newark. You promised me an introduction when she was back on her feet and Newark is just around the corner, so to speak.

  Hope to hear from you soon. Yours in service to the Tsar...Tati
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on August 25, 2004, 05:21:08 PM
Yes, Tati, I too regret my inability to disembark for yet another museum tour. Such is the world of the invalid that I now inhabit, having regained semi-functionality but still scarred by La Grippe. However, upon complete restoration of my heath I will journey to your part of the world and grant a special audience. Magnificent of me, is it not?  ;)

I must admit some envy, however, regarding the lemonade and watercress sandwiches.  :'(  Tsar Doug, just because I have not been a slave (or is that serf) to my landscaping as has Grand Duchess Melissa does not mean that I would look askance should you show yours truly such beneficence.  And if your consort the Tsarina does have her way re: her very own Starbucks . . . well, I hope that you will send a very special latte in my direction. (In a nice demitasse, if you please, and not tossed like a rotten tomato.) Think of all the excellent PR I performed in Santa Fe, Tsar Doug . . . I beseech you.  :o

That being said, at this point I do most humbly beg Your Majesty's permission to return to my day bed as I listen to Lady-in-Waiting (a.k.a. Spy) Anna's CD, remaining--as always--

The Recovering and Balalika Inclined

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on August 28, 2004, 06:58:03 PM
My dearies,

Melissa dear, I didn't know you had my sapphires ??? I have so many jewels, gifts from kings-GD's -generals as a spy I don't receive a monthly pay-check, this girl has to live too and keep up my imperial standard.

Of course I dazzle the crowd with or without jewelry, so for this ocassion I would like to borrow your emeralds they match the color of my eyes so beautiful and therefore I treated myself with a pair of black spy-sunglasses covered with tiny little diamonds. This model contains a little earphone in case Queen B needs anything, a box of chocolate or has to go to the queensroom, she only have to whisper "QB for A over"

Now Tati my dearest, don't play with fire and please be careful with our secret papers. If there's no safe place to hide or destroy, you simply eat them (lesson 4) :P Yes spy-life can be mean, but think of the jewelry my dearie. You can go to Newark in a jiffy? Awfully nice of you to do, don't forget to offer your credits to the GD/GP Janet. Approach her with dignity and remember only speak when you are spoken to.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on August 28, 2004, 07:40:27 PM
Anna dear,

The emeralds were picked up by UPS this morning and are winging their glittering way to you...sent the whole parure, so you can wear different pieces to the less formal events, and wear it all to formal dinners and receptions. The tiara can give you a headache, so make sure that you wear it with your hair in a chignon. That way the headache starts at the end of the evening, not at the start.

Also sent the sapphire parure back in the same parcel. I know you are generous with lending jewels to those who ask...and so busy as a superspy that those little details sometimes slip your busy busy mind...again, thank you for being "a friend who will lend" for imperial events.

By the by, the dear Tsar sent over the lawnmowerman a few days ago, and what a delight to sit on the verandah sipping ice tea and nibbling on tea sandwiches while someone else mowed away. The Tsar and Empress were so thoughtful to send over the tea things, as well as the lawnmowerman! Being part of the Imperial Household does have its perks...

Take all care of yourself and your new protege out there in the dangerous world of imperial espionage. How do you keep all the secret passwords straight?  

When you return after seeing Queen B. perhaps we Court Ladies could have a little gathering at my Mauve Cottage...  caio for now,  GD Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: jehan on August 30, 2004, 11:30:40 PM
Well, I may be a Romanov too.  After all, my dog is a SIBERIAN husky!  That's right- she comes from the land of Romanov exile- and perhaps is descended from dogs around Ekaterinburg.  She doesn't resemble Jemmy or Ortino at all- but I'm sure we can find a connection there somewhere.

BTW- she IS absolutely beautiful- ice blue eyes and white/grey markings.  She'll never win any obedience trials (typical husky!), but she'd be first in any beauty contest!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 01, 2004, 03:13:11 PM
Hello  Jehan and all Imperial members of the Court:

From your vivid description of your Husky doggy we can only come to the logical conclusion that she is a direct descendant of the pooches around and about Ekaterinburg in 1918!  Please let us know her name so that we can add her to the Imperial Roster of Palace Pooches.  This is better known as the IRPP.  

Our kitty cat Coal is also a direct link to the kitchen staff of the Alexander Palace.  In 1916 the kitty that used to hang about the milk  cow barn gave birth to Felix Bourbon Rostov, a beautiful Russian Black.  We can actually trace our dear Coal, who is a Russian Black,  directly to this cat from the Imperial Kitchens.  Tell that to Ancestors.com - "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet Whitcomb on September 01, 2004, 06:53:56 PM
Fellow Claimants, I interrupt your conversation re: pets of Russian heritage to ask what is to become of the film about our lives, and who we will enlist to play us?

Dibbs on Meryl Streep to play me, fellow claimants!  

As for the role of Tsar Doug, let's sign Bill Murray before someone else does.

Can you imagine, my fellow claimants? The Oscars! The fame! The unlimited funds for liposuction!

I suggest we all start ordering our stretch limos this very minute.


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 02, 2004, 12:54:54 AM
Dearest Courtiers:   Our most dear GD Janet has reminded us all that  production must begin on the film of our lives.  Tsar Doug will be played by either Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise.  I actually do not look like either one of these actors but who cares.  What we are interested in is audience appeal and box office, not historical  accuracy.  Our dear cat Coal will be played by one of the tigers from the Moscow circus.  I know that the tigers are a little out of scale but remember what I said above: we want excitement and thrills not reality.  All for now dear ones........"D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on September 02, 2004, 01:07:48 AM
Dear Tsar Doug and All,

I am requesting that Angelica Huston be asked to portray myself, and Ortino II feels that with an acting coach, he could portray himself. If Angelica is comfortable working with a talented fourlegged neophyte, should that pose any problem?

Would we all get to go to the Oscars? Could Anna compose and sing the musical scores in the film? Will GD Janet stop coughing long enough to be able to visit the set and not disturb filming? Will the set designer use real Faberge or Fauxberge (just remember that giant egg clock gifted to the Dowager Empress in N&A---it is why when we all saw real Faberge for the first time, we were shocked at how TINY it is!)...so many questions and so little time....   GD Melissa & Ortino II

P.S. It is so wonderful that the Imperial household is brimming with lovely imperial pets once more! And all with such lovely lovely lineages....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 02, 2004, 12:29:06 PM
Melissa and other dearies,

Wow, that would be a great honor, to do the music and singing scores. Hollywood here I come - bring me that oscar!! Balalaika-music is definitely best choise for this film about us, it sounds imperial, emotional and oh so Russian. And my singing....  chansons Russie...I'll break your hearts.

We Court ladies must have a little gathering before season begins. Who's gonna wear what and when, which jewels, hairdo, black or white limo, do we take our pets to official dinners. And of course the Grand Premiere of the Film ( not a name yet?)
I must know al these details because I'll  faint if some of you Ladies wears a robe of the same designer ( can't stand such a thing). And please be mild at my protegé Tati, she slurps her soup and burbs drinking bubbles :o
Well, she's a newbie in our royal family and never been in palaces and at grand premieres. She's still learning but I sometimes feel like prof.Higgings with Eliza Doolittle.

See you soon, dearies,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on September 02, 2004, 02:36:39 PM
I am so sorry to dissapoint you, but the film is finished already. It is in the editing department of Fox, and will be release on Decemeber 2004.  For copyright porpouses, I cannot tell you anything else, but I can send you tickets for the premiere in New York after you sing  an agreement for not  taking me to court after you find out  what is on the movie...Hey... just call it Felix's heritage...

Best Regards,

Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 02, 2004, 02:53:36 PM
We're so happy, Arturo, that your film is complete and in the can.  But I must inform all that another film is being produced at Paramount about the Imperial Courtiers.  That is one that we refer to in our postings above.  When this new film is released I'll have someone send you some tickets to the Premiere in Cannes, France.  All are more than welcome to attend the galas.........."D" and "E".
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: jehan on September 02, 2004, 03:26:48 PM
Quote
Hello  Jehan and all Imperial members of the Court:

From your vivid description of your Husky doggy we can only come to the logical conclusion that she is a direct descendant of the pooches around and about Ekaterinburg in 1918!  Please let us know her name so that we can add her to the Imperial Roster of Palace Pooches.  This is better known as the IRPP.  

Our kitty cat Coal is also a direct link to the kitchen staff of the Alexander Palace.  In 1916 the kitty that used to hang about the milk  cow barn gave birth to Felix Bourbon Rostov, a beautiful Russian Black.  We can actually trace our dear Coal, who is a Russian Black,  directly to this cat from the Imperial Kitchens.  Tell that to Ancestors.com - "D"


Of course she must be so descended-  from of a doggy witness to the doings in Siberia in 1918.  Her name is Koira.  She is proud to join the IRPP. In the movie, (or the remake, I suppose) she could be played by one of the stars of "Snow Dogs", of course.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 02, 2004, 03:35:06 PM
Uncle Valmont my dearie,

You are back .........thought we lost you for ever. Nice to catch up with our Imperial family again. Was it because of that film you made? Why should we take you to court,
what's in that agreement I have to sign? I hope the film doesn't reveal our family secrets and dirty laundry. You've made me curious, please sent tickets, don't forget the GD/GP Janet.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 02, 2004, 06:56:15 PM
Greetings once more from the GD/GP Janet, who is suffering a relapse of La Grippe, but is most interested in all that is transpiring re: our dueling films. (Uncle Valmont, you sly puss!  :-* ) Allow me, then, an additional evening of respite, and then I shall respond to this highly intriguing situation.

Cinematically Yours--

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. Has anyone heard from Meryl yet?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 03, 2004, 12:39:15 PM
Fellow Claimants and Future Hollywood Celebrities, I have returned.

That special cough syrup Tsar Doug sent has been helpful in a number of ways--hic!--but not in reducing the cough itself. However, We carry on as best We can.

*****

Now, Uncle Val, what's all this about a completed film? Really, darling, is that why you have been so quiet all these months? Tsk, tsk . . . Sneaky little you!

Of course, we need keep in mind that no less than the Long Island Lolita had three movies made about her. But since we, as claimants, have greater style and dignity than Amy-what's-her-name--and certainly more than those folks (what is their family name?) that continue to feud and then ignore each other-- we should be able to confer and reach mutually agreeable decisions on such matters.

So, my question to you, Uncle Val: Could you consider your recent work as a trailer to our magnificent, soon-to-be-filmed spectacle, starring Meryl (of course) as me?

Remember, what's in it for you is a night at the Academy Awards, and not necessarily sitting way out there with the film grips and Mickey Rooney, but right up in the front row with Jack so you and he can be heckled by the host.

How about it, darling Uncle? Let's do lunch.  8)

Yours for a whole row of Oscars--

The GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on September 04, 2004, 01:56:40 AM
Dear Valmont:
I too am SO pleased you have returned. Of course, I was not yet in the Imp Intell. Service when you last were seen posting here, but, like a good spy, I did my homework and read all(!!) the previous posts.
So glad the hatchet has been buried. (Not IN someone, I hope). Does this mean you are giving up your claim to the Tsarship. Tsar Doug directed me to choose my own regal title and I quite modestly, if I do say so myself, selected a mere countess-ship. Nary a word did I hear. The budgerigevitch made me a GD. So, if you are not in the running, I may be going to the birds!!
 
 Also, I'd like to point out that I have three beautiful cats who are feeling left out of the imperial menagerie. I didn't mention that before because my boss and mentor Anna has a thing about cats. However, she is now spreading vicious rumors about soup slurping. I most certainly do NOT slurp soup. Burp champagne - well, that's another story - best not to go into. I do have my pride.

 Feeling slighted (sniff sniff) double agent for hire...Tati
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on September 06, 2004, 12:04:25 PM
Dearest Tati,

Do not feel slighted, dearie. The gracious Tsar will be most delighted to welcome your felines. We had a slight problem in the Mountain Hall re: felines and canaries earlier this summer, but that has all been sorted out!

Anna is so busy, she sometimes forgets small things, like who actually is the person slurping soup, or where her sapphires are, for example. I am sure if she did not believe you have great potential as a spylady, she would never had agreed to be your mentor. Court Secret: we all burp after too much of the bubbley! So you will be among friends who also happen to be courtiers in that naughty habit...

Just read the lastest issue of MAJESTY magazine...it panned U. Valmont's film but praised the ours, currently in production. I for one am delighted that U. Valmont is returned to us, but do wonder if it is not in part designed to bolster his box office...whatever, it is nice to think he has returned from his self-imposed Siberian Exile...or was he at his estate outside of Moscow...or was he in that Mexican jail working off his bar bill at Ajo Al's Margarita Den?

Dearies, please remember that your Holiday Gift Request Lists need to be submitted to me by October 1st in order to insure that the Tsar and the Empress have plenty of time to do their Christmas shopping. Even though Christmas falls later at Court due to being OLD STYLE on the calendar, they do hate last minute shopping. So hard to get things monogramed on a short deadline, much less specially commissioned. I think you will all be cross to receive run-of-the-mill items if your lists come to the Court after 10/1/04 (O.S.)...

Caio for now, and let it be known that I DO NOT want to be seated anywhere near that Jack person at the Oscars. Sitting next to Colin Firth or Hugh Jackman would be okay. Of course Anna will dazzle all the gentlemen, so we other ladies must be content with her scraps...Melissa K. and Ortino II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "D" & "E" on September 06, 2004, 04:07:27 PM
Greetings Most Gracious Courtiers:

It is wonderful that Tsar Valmont is back and giving us his usual style and wit.  Oh, what a great &  humoresque fellow!  I sent the Empress out to do all of the Christmas shopping this afternoon. She went out barefoot, we do not know why.  We have decided that all of our presents for the courtiers will be objets  d' Sterling Silver.  Some of the stuff may be made a la Chini but then what isn't these days.  
All will be given out by our dear GD  Melissa at the  bal de maske on Boxing Day, Old style.  I got that great idea from Her Greatest Majesty Eliz. II, what a gal and loads of fun after a bit of the old mead.  Ta ta, for now......"D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on September 06, 2004, 05:08:31 PM
NAOTMA,
I asked you not to mention anything about the "Margarita incident".. I feel so ashame...
Best regards,
(I will let you know  all the details about the movie latter)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "D" on September 06, 2004, 06:35:51 PM
Dearest  Tsar Valmont:  Look, you met Margarita, it was a wild and crazy one night fling ... just let it go at that. We  knew she was not for you.  Everyone knows gypsies can be that way.  Let the music play on......"D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on September 06, 2004, 09:16:44 PM
Dear Valmont,

I do always pride myself on my discretion...but frankly, so many gentlemen have confided in my regarding their little indiscretions with Ms. Margarita that I keep forgetting who is on the "it is a big secret" list and who is on the "common knowledge list"...so sorry. I must write it all down in my little mauve notebook with the clever little gold Faberge pencil to keep it all straight. You can always say you were there keeping a friend company re: Ajo Al's. Several Grand Dukes have used that one, and it works! It also works for Albert of Monaco. Do not be ashamed, as to ere is human, to ere imperially is close to divine...    caio for now,   Melissa K. and Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 09, 2004, 10:50:31 AM
Dearest Courtiers.......  We  order that all courtiers  arrive at the  palace at noon tomorrow for our group photo.  If you cannot arrive a stand-in servant will be at your position and a photo of your dear face will be pasted in place.  We got a few of the genders mixed up last year but we all had a great laugh over it. All the best...."D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 09, 2004, 11:50:00 AM
My Most Humble Salutations, Tsar Doug--

But for goodness sakes, don't let that trollop Margarita into tomorrow's photoshoot. She'll just ruin everything and will no doubt be up to no good, announcing her upcoming nuptials to Uncle Val or some such related nonsense.

Also, dear Tsar, please ask your dear Empress/Tsarina to put on some shoes when she goes out to shop. Glass slippers are not necessary; a sturdy pair of clogs will suffice.

Now what's this about a Boxing Day gala, and why haven't I received my invitation?! Am I perchance being excluded?!  >:(  This will  become a matter of extreme regret, for if you think Queen Elizabeth can party down after a pint, you just haven't seen yours very truly in action after a mere glass or two of pink champagne.

'Nuff said.

I remain the well-shod, slightly tipsy, head-scandal-off-at-the-pass

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 09, 2004, 01:30:12 PM
My dearies,

Tati my dearest, I didn't want to offend you but once and a while I have to be critical, it's for your own good my dearest child otherwise you'll never learn the business. You have to learn and take criticism from your superior mentor spy. (lesson 5) Stay with me in this dearie.

As spy first class I knew all about Margarita ( no not Eve). I shut my eyes only to protect Uncle Val for gossip, we royals can be such lovely people. There's no need for him to feel embarressed. Imagine how I must feel about all my affairs with GD's etc etc and all for the sake of people and country. Though there's of course great difference between a trollop and a spy, don't you forget.

Dougie dear, don't you dare to put a stand in at my place,only my dazzling features will be on that photo.
Btw we saw your precious empress "barefoot in the park".

That's all for now dearies, see you soon at the photoshooting, Ladies don't forget furs and tiara's.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 13, 2004, 02:32:25 PM
Hello Dearest Courtiers:  Thank you all who managed to show up for our group photo of imperial courtiers.  The only little problem was that several of you scamps sent either one of your servants or in two cases, either your dog or cat as a stand in   for the photo session.  The empress was not amused.  We had to take a separate photo of the animals.  Anna, you looked most wonderful in your tirara. Melissa was most gracious to ask Ortino to please be still for the photo and  Janet...way too much makeup.  All for now dear ones...."D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 13, 2004, 10:36:18 PM
That wasn't me, you dunderhead--I mean, Your Most Imperial Highness :P--that was someone dressed  as me . . . an impersonator! And, might I add, not of the female persuasion. How he managed to convince all of you that he was I, I'll never know. I may not be the most girlie of girls, but I'm certainly no Harvey Fierstein.  >:(

Anyway, the beast broke into my boudoir, locked me into the watercloset, then made off with my best ceremonial dress and tiarra. When he obtained the makeup, I'll never know . . . and if you knew me better, you'd know I NEVER wear anything more than a light dusting of face powder and an exceedingly modest amount of lip rouge. ("Never gild the lily," my late GD/GP used to so gallantly say.)

Then as if things weren't bad enough, this imposter, this--this--scoundrel! vagabond! took my royal cat Rex--so no wonder poor Rexie was struggling as the photographer tried to keep everyone still. Let me tell you, this cat burglar was no John Robie, and the only fireworks that night were the ones when I kicked in the door and swore at my bodyguards. As for Rex, he did return home after an incredible journey, and has since assured me that never again will he become involved with a female impersonator.

Awaiting the Vanity Fair coverage of this distinctly non-event event, I remain

The victimized but undaunted GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on September 13, 2004, 10:38:29 PM
FROM:  HIM-ically Perched ALEXIS PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, etc. etc.
TO:  HIM Tsar Douglas et al..

WE ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, do heartily approve of the Imperial Group Photograph and even find the newspaper copies much too good to use as cage paper.  We have informed our human staff here at the Hermitage in Massandra to be especially careful of the contents of all newsprint lest HIH the Cossack Baby employ it carelessly, before WE and the rest of us have even read it.

With loftiest regards,
HIM-ically Perched ALEXIS-PERCIVAL
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "D" on September 13, 2004, 11:41:20 PM
Dearest  GD Janet:  Our most gracious and sniffling apologies. We outstretch our hands to you in deepest  placation and reparation.  The empress and I had no idea that  that 'impersonator' was not the real thing...our dear GD Janet.  'He' certainly took a liking to our new under hallman.  It always concerns us when guests are overly friendly with the staff. The last we saw of either of them was a huge cloud of smoke and dust as they roared off in the butler's green Jaguar.   I did notice a darling cat looking back in fear and dismay from the rear window.  The Jag seemed to be going north by northwest.  Anyway, so happy your dear Rex has returned and all is well.  The only thing that  sullied  the photo was the Empress's ubiquitous coffee cup.  The sometimes out foxed,  "D".
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on September 14, 2004, 02:13:47 PM
Janet,

Well, deary, you will NEVER guess who rang me up from London and asked if I could meet him for lunch! You guessed it---Dominick Dunne! He is one slyboots! I did remind him that I have heard nothing from him since last spring when my little chat over tea with him at the London Ritz, which he assured me was a private conversation, was quoted in VF at length! Thank heavens I had maintained my discretion and vigilance, and let no gossip pass my lips. All he could quote was banal generalities about the younger generation of the Grimaldi clan that everyone already knows, or think they do. I will lunch with him, but only sip Virgin Marys and blush into my napkin when he tries to pry out details. I will have a lovely lunch. He will come away from it with nada information. As you well know, the Tsar's motto "Loose lips sink yachts" is a wise saying for a courtier to remember always!

I do hope you are recovering from LaGrippe de SantaFe and your harrowing experience in your wardrobe closet. You are a very brave girl, and the Tsar and Empress are sending over a footman with a lovely tray of baubles from our favorite Mr. Faberge. The Tsar instructs that you are to choose whatever tickles your fancy. Sorry to say that the Cary Grant lookalike footman is NOT available to bring it to you. He is busy learning a new game- "Charade" to teach us all at the next evening salon at the palace. Hope that one is as much fun as "Walk Don't Run" was to learn...

Take care of yourself, and thank heavens Rex is back with you safe and sound.   Melissa & Ortino II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: "Doug" on September 14, 2004, 05:07:46 PM
Dearest GD Melissa:

Please do not spill the imperial family beans to Dominick!  The last time one of the courtiers talked with that sourly sweet fellow,  I had to call our royal lawyers, Dewey, Cheatham & Howe to get the papers from printing stories about our laundry that was hung out to dry.  Also, tread lightly about our dear son Prince Orlov.  I know he likes to take dancing lessons with Prince Albert of Monaco but let's just leave it at that, if you get my drift dear one.  Have a great lunch with Dom and enjoy the view of London.  Say hello to E II and that gang of plain and ordinary royals.  BTW, be very careful if Kitty K. asks you for lunch...she is said to be thinking about a tell-all book about moi and the empress...plus a few other sundry imperials thrown in for good measure.  Look for me and the empress on Leno ..........Cheers and fond adeu...Tsar Douglas and the Imperial Family.  Tea time......
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 15, 2004, 01:15:01 PM
Well (sniff) . . . I accept your apologies.  :-[

And can the bauble be something in pink enamel?  :D With little seed pearls?  :D  :D Much appreciated, and I await the arrival of Tsar Doug’s footman. My preference is your good man Archibald Leach, in a kilt if you please.  ;)  As you know, after renouncing all animal products in tribute to my dear Rex, I have given up that touch of mink for a touch of Faberge . . . and possibly a bit more.   ;)   ;)   ;)

BTW, speaking of HRF (His Royal Feline), I am happy to announce that Rex is recovering from his harrowing experience with the cat burglar. It is so difficult bringing up baby, and of course given that the grass is always greener and I’m no angel, it was only natural that Rex might initially involve himself in a notorious and indiscreet liaison with someone who dared to lock me into my own water closet, then absconded with my evening gown and tiara. Sometimes, however, it takes a thief to make one appreciate what one already has, though I would imagine that none but the lonely heart would understand. At any rate, that monkey business is now a thing of the past, though the awful truth is that it will take me some time to recover. I imagine the Faberge bauble will assist to that end.

But honestly, fellow claimants, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. First the Santa Fe La Grippe, and then that imposter/impersonator. And now—with apologies to HIM Alexis-Percival—my royal feathers are ruffled by the thought of the Grand Duchess Melissa's upcoming tête-à-tête with Mr. Dominick Dunne. Merciful heavens, does that man ever quit? Please, GD Melly--and I may call you that, may I not? It makes me feel so very Scarlett--I do ask that you exercise caution. By all means be demure, and do not--I repeat, do NOT--allow that slyboots Mr. D to slip you a mickey. I am well aware of his techniques, and he is a naughty, naughty boy.

Recovering from the latest debacle, I remain

The GD/GP Janet


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 15, 2004, 06:21:53 PM
GD/GP Janet dearie and others,

Ah... quelle expérience terrible you must have had, I feel sooo sorry for you. And all this after la grippe, I do hope your nerves can cope with this, take lots of rest my dear. I'll sent you some old movies from Garry Grant and the premiere of ...my newest CD.." Anna's greatest Movie scores" to keep your mind on nicer things.

Dougie dear, thanks you liked my tiara, tho' it wasn't the only thing I was wearing. The Empress was a bit overdressed, was it necessary for her to wear all the imperial  jewels? Even my darkest sunglasses couldn't stand the sparkling and glittering, hope we can see somebody on that photo not only a bright flash. And about that women Kitty K--- be careful yes, she can beat you around the "bush"!!

I think I've lost my protege Tati, didn't heard from her in days. Perhaps she's gone of with Uncle Valmont - Lost in space- too. Its better for me to keep spying a one women-business. I'm feeling very sad, can't trust no spy :( I'll cancel all my spy-appointments and withdraw in my boudoir, listening to old Russian songs, eat a blini or two well maybe three :-/

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 16, 2004, 03:29:00 PM
Dearest GD Janet:  Our footmen do not wear kilts at this time.  We tried it a few years ago and found that they tended to ride up, so to speak, and did cause a wee bit of consternation with Father Antonov and his accolade of new priests of our precious  Holy Orthodox faith.  You see what I mean, dear one. Mr.Fabrege with a tray of this and that , will arrive shortly so that you may choose from as you so desire.  Time for coffee with the Empress and GD Melissa.  She's just back from some mysterious trip and wants to 'tell all'.  Ta ta dearest ones........."D" 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 16, 2004, 04:34:28 PM
Douglas dearie,

Ha, you've found your birthcertificate :D A worthy and warm welcome to our royal family. At last official, you really do exist ;D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 16, 2004, 05:27:07 PM
Dearest Grand  Dame Duchess Anna:  Thank you so much for your warm welcome to the 'official' family of courtiers.   :-*  Now that we're legal,  I guess the Empress and I will have to sort of behave in a more royal manner. But is that really fun?  So I guess it is back to our usual imperial high jinks, boisterous celebration and merrymaking on the stage of the entire world. Please send a kind word over to the Queen of the Netherlands to please be on the lookout for a man wearing a straw hat carrying a briefcase.  I'm sending Her Majesty a little bon marche that I got on Rodeo Drive last week.  Oops, my iced tea has turned to solid ice...too long in the freezer and all the footmen are off duty for this hour.  All the best and thank you for the kind words...."D" as usual.    ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 16, 2004, 05:37:17 PM
Dearest Tsar Doug--

I see what you mean about the kilts. (Actually, I don't see what you mean .  . . more's the pity.) However, please don't have Mr. Faberge trouble himself to bring over the baubles on his own; just ask for a young ADC to do the deed.

(Well really, T.D., can you blame me? Such a loooong recuperation, and then that nasty business with the impersonator/imposter. The upshot of it is, one becomes terribly, terribly lonely.  :'(  )

And please say hello to G.D. Melissa for me. Truly I hope the beans are still in the bag.

Also, are congratulations in order? Have you truly found your birth certificate, as [Spy] Anna avers? If so, 'tis time to break out the blinis and balalikas once more!

Yours for jewels--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 17, 2004, 09:30:05 AM
Dearest  Courtiers:

The Empress and I have just received a note from our dear son's tutor.  It seems that his IQ is way too high.  We are at complete loss as what to do.  Any suggestions?  I can barely add two plus two, his mother is as dull as a load of lumber and now this embarrassment to the royal family. Should we make him watch more TV?  I understand that this causes brain cells to die rapidly.  Suggestions are most welcome.  What is 2 + 2?  As ever...."D" & "E".
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on September 17, 2004, 12:33:30 PM
Dear Tsar Doug,

So relieved that you avoided the train to CyberSiberia! Finding that Birth Certificate saved alot of fuss! Did I hear correctly that the copy service at Tsarkoe really worked overtime coming up with the other supporting documents? Sometimes having a very smart son is useful! I hear he was such a help in this matter. Other royals who shall remain nameless really envy you Grand Duke Platon.  Caio for now, GD Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 17, 2004, 04:10:04 PM
Dearest Grand  Duchess  Melissa:  As for my birth certificate, it seems to have been lost.  Our family records are kept in President Putin's lower righthand desk drawer in the Kremlin. He may be faxing some of them to moi from Kinko's in Moscow.  Please, dear one, do not use that  Grand Duke name in public.  It can get one in a lot of agua caliente, what with Kitty K. always snooping around with Dominick Dunne at her side with his telescope trained on our palace.  ;)  Please let  GD Janet know that we'll be sending one of our newest  ADC's to her country lodge with some very magnificent cubic Z's set in  papermache.  Whether or not he will do the deed I cannot comment on at this time. "D" ;D...GD Anna, what were you doing with that stranger at the cafe?  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 17, 2004, 05:37:32 PM
Tsar Doug--

That was no stranger with Spy Anna, that was me, you cuckoofeather--I mean, Your Imperial Highness.

Golly, can't a girl take a little international R & R without being ignored by He Whom She Serves? It just so happens that before receiving your hand-picked ADC I decided to take the waters and some other rejuvenating programs . . . and suddenly there you are, two tables away, looking through your pince-nez and arched eyebrow, then slowly turning your gaze in the other direction. Either it was a deliberate snub or you're as myopic as a bat.

Now, as for the cubics-in-paper-mache, you know very well, Tsar Doug, that I never settle for anything second rate. In other words, no topazes, only diamonds. I have hung on to my ideals, and I shall not be put upon. So just because you send over a handsome ADC does not mean I am lowering my standards. Au contraire, my dear Tsar, I know my worth! And when it comes to presentations of appeasement, I not only look a gift horse in the mouth, but if necessary I perform root canals and install crowns.  ;)

Yours for scalpels and sutures--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: JonC on September 18, 2004, 01:39:01 PM
Crazy stuff guys...this must be margarita'sville for sure.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 18, 2004, 03:25:37 PM
JonC dearie,

What's keeping you, take a glass and join us. ;)

Anna 8)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 19, 2004, 02:58:15 PM
Dearest GD Janet:  Sorry to have missed you the other day at the spa.  I was sure that no one would notice that I was sans the Empress and in the company of 'another'.  About those rejected cubics...I told the keeper of the imperial jewels to send over some unmounted diamonds.  Will a handfull be sufficient?  Maybe hang the cubics on the Christmas tree as ornaments.  Our ACD reported back completely intoxicated and immediately left for a checkup with Dr. Kinbot.  He kept saying something about the GD Janet's 'devices', a gold torsade and had a strange smile on his face. Tea time and not a moment too soon.  Ciao..."D" ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 20, 2004, 12:07:32 PM
Hush, Tsar D., let all that be between you, the ADC and me!

Besides, you've your own "issues" to deal with, i.e.   Spa Woman. Tell me, has she been installed in the palace yet? In the rooms above your very own Tsarina? And how about the children, and where are you keeping the milk cow? Ah, methinks you have a great deal more to answer for than poor lil' ol'

GP/GD Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 21, 2004, 02:40:39 PM
GD Janet:  Well, quite a scoulding from our dear GD Janet!  Don't tell anyone but I have installed the mystery lady [an actress, sort of] on an upper room of the palace.  She's a little termagant and I have one of my trusted ADC's to watch her day and night.  Do you think that is a good  idea...you never know about the ADC's......Off to the slotcar races with the kids.   "D"  8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 21, 2004, 04:07:18 PM
Whether it be a scaulding or a scolding, I'm sure you merit it, dear Tsar D.  Not that I wish to be scathing, but think on it: A mystery lady whom you already refer to as a termagant, installed under the same roof as your dear Tsarina--and then what do you do? It's off to the slotcar races with the kiddies! (Presumably the "kiddies" being actual children, rather than nubile young strumpets.) If I were Termagant I'd drug the ADC, then compare notes with Wifey.

That being said, the burden of being royal, my dear T.D., is that we must preserve the appearance of propriety whenever possible. Remember the words of the venerable Mrs. Patrick Campbell, who was known to remark that "It doesn't really matter what you do, as long you don't do it out on the street and frighten the horses."  :o

So, T.D., no more mystery ladies at spas and other public places! And have a care whom you install in the palace, or very soon there may be a First and Second Tsarinas Club.  ;)

Reprovingly yours--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 21, 2004, 06:25:11 PM
Dear GD Janet:  Just arrived home from the slotcar races and what do I find upstairs?  The empress and  the actress having a great old time with the ADC.  Naturally I was shocked beyond words.  I ordered them all out of the chamber, dismissed the ADC and fled to my hobby room to work on my toy soldier collection.  At least the toy soldiers behave and always stand upright, which is more than one can say for  some others.  Hope you are well and enjoying the end of summer.  All for now dear courtiers..just be careful whom you admit to the inner chambers of  your palace.   "D" :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 22, 2004, 07:35:40 PM
Dearies,

Dougie dear, what can I say at least I won't admit you into my palace...beware of the Doug.It's really your own fault, don't know anything about woman. You placed the little bird in a upstairs apartment, afraid of fighting each other out of the palace or pulling of their tiaras. And you find the two drinking tea together being the best of friends. A worse scenario for your dearie. Btw stick your nose into your own affairs, I was icognito with the GD/GP Janet in that luxurious establishment you called café. We girlies have to take up gossip and secrets once in a while. Well you gave us enough to talk about.
Have to go now the limo is waiting for my weekly jewelshopping, can't decide between the pink pearl or diamond ring. I think I take them both.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on September 22, 2004, 08:14:43 PM
We, the Empress Alexis-Carolina, the Grand Budgiess Tatiana and the Grand Budgiess Alexandra, would like to reassure everyone that we are all in a safe place here in the Hermitage in Massandra.  Accept no substitute 'little birds' of the female persuasion claiming to be one of us...

We interrupt this transmission.  HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri has just informed us that the little bird being referred to in palace dispatches is in fact not of the feathered kind at all.   We see!   A false pretender!  


Why, she doesn't even look like an authentic parakeet!!!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 23, 2004, 01:14:22 PM
All sorts of pretenders, false and true, seem to be lurking about this site. One can only hope that they do not venture into this thread, which is—after all—where the claimant elite do meet.   ;)

But back to what really matters—whether it be for the birds or no—and that is Tsar Doug’s predicament. You know what “they” say, T.D.: What goes around, comes around. Perhaps the best thing we can do for you at this point is FedEx some more toy soldiers. Just don’t incorporate any rats into your play and shock the Empress, okay? And next time, dear Tsar, knock before entering, otherwise you may risk breaking up a perfectly lovely party.   :-*

Yours for soldiers, tin and otherwise—

The GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 24, 2004, 05:20:10 PM
Dearest GD Janet and friends:  I am taking your advice to heart and  having a great weekend with the toy soldiers and model ship collection.  GD Anna is well in tulipland and  sorting through her jewel collection with a mind to sell some of the lesser pieces.  Hope you are all healthful, hale and hearty and  we   look forward to a new season of imperial galas & festivities of unparalled kinds.  Best wishes to all the claimants, others and the Forum Admin.  As ever, "D" & "E"   8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 29, 2004, 11:22:50 AM
Darling Tsar Doug and Others--

Just wanted to let you know that I have been exceedingly preoccupied of late, looking up old black-and-white photos of moi so I might submit them to that other Claimants thread--the one that purports to be serious--showing that I am indeed the lost Grand Duchess Anastasia.

Yes, I realize there is an age disparity. (A great age disparity, Tsar Doug, and none of your sly remarks!  :-* ) But, my photos show me to be female and having two eyes, a nose, and a mouth, so what the hey? I might as well join the pack.

Yours for oodles and oodles of claimants--

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. T.D., how are your tin soldiers holding out? Should I order more?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 29, 2004, 06:58:50 PM
Dearest GD Janet and Courtiers all:  I can see a very definite similitude between your old  photos and Countess Buxhoeveden.  I am absolutely sure of this!       Now that this is a settled matter for all time and eternity let us move on to other more important issues such my collection of tin soldiers! I had them all standing at attention; all seven hundred of the little ones.  I gave them a smart order of "Left Face" and nothing happened, they just stood there as if there made of lead!  Now what? I am preparing a Courts Marshall for sure.  They're not going to get away with insubordination! I just won't have it. "D" >:(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 29, 2004, 07:42:12 PM
Dearies,

Gosh....GD/GP Janet, I was thinking..as I accidentily looked into my mirror for the twentieth time this day..I could be the one. Of course you've eyes and a nose my dear,  but I've that naughty look and a twinkle in my eyes, when not wearing my sunglasses. From my siblings I'm the wittiest, my mum told me so. I can act -therefore I became a spy, I'm not tall and my name begins with an A. I was listening to the song Memories and suddenly I thought of the Yacht, and me climbing into trees in a white dress. Now there your are. I think Tsar D must decide who's who.

Dougie dear,  do you remember that day you fell between the rail when entering the imperial train and I laughed so loud.You didn't talk to me for weeks cause I made you feel embarrassed before the whole suite ;D. Don't tell me you can't remember.
It's real fun to have such memories I shall put this one in my memoirs.

Have a nice day my dears,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 29, 2004, 11:11:09 PM
 
Anna writes:
Dougie dear,  do you remember that day you fell between the rail when entering the imperial train and I laughed so loud.You didn't talk to me for weeks cause I made you feel embarrassed before the whole suite [Grin] . Don't tell me you can't remember.

Douglas replies:  That was long ago and I wasn't used to walking in those stiff military boots that Papa made us boys wear.  These days I go about in more comfortable shoes.  Yes, Anna you were always the wit of the family.

8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on September 30, 2004, 12:52:12 PM
Merciful heavens, isn't this just like the old days!  My dear cousin Tsar Doug sparring with my fellow Grand Duchess Anna (and lady-in-waiting and spy . . . dear Anna wears many kokoshniks) and everyone having just a jolly old time. We are missing Pravoslavnaya and the budgies, and several of our other courtiers are on hiatus, but sometimes all it takes is Tsar Doug, Spy Anna and moi to have the coziest party imaginable!

But T.D., I really must beg to differ . . . Isa and I never did share a resemblance; as a GD/GP I am really more chi-chi than that. Plus you know that unlike Isa, I would never act in a nefarious manner, right my dear T.D.?   ;)

Now, as to the tin soldiers, I really am so sorry they are not behaving according to your commands, but if you click your booted heels together three times, then sing the chorus of "If I Only Had A Heart," I think you'll find that Oz never did give the Tin Man what he didn't already have.

As I quaff yet another glass of champagne, I remain--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on September 30, 2004, 04:18:57 PM
My two dearies,

The abandoned family. It seems the rest of the courtiers has left the stage. As long as we are before the curtains, the dynasty will survive. I miss that noisy bunch. :'(

However, we are a nice triangle -- we women are very much capable to rule -- look at our ancestors-- so T.D. can play with his tin soldiers and be careful where he walks. I can tell you more of his mishaps. ;D I'll save those stories for an other time, have to receive my balalaika-teacher.

See you two dearies at the Opera tomorrow. Perhaps the Empress will rejoice us with her sophisticated and tasteful appearance. :D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on September 30, 2004, 05:45:09 PM
Dearest GD Janet and  GD Anna:  Sorry GD Janet, I didn't make myself clear.  I meant that  Baroness B's  toes were similar to yours. Last summer  I saw you both wading in our fountain and was just awestruck by the way your dainty feet matched perfectly.  Am I off the hook with that flimsy reply?  See you at the opera, Anna.  Is that a Marx brothers opera?  You never know for sure what is going to be on stage these days. Even making this post I myself am on an international stage of sorts.  Maybe I'll wear my new commander's hat.  "D" 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on October 02, 2004, 12:51:28 PM
Dearies All,

Well, lunch with Mr. D. was simply the WORST! He brought the Catwoman with him (the one who dear Anna said "doesn't beat around the bush!")...well, I had to excuse myself after the first course on the flimsy excuse of needing to use the ladies' room...then grabbed my sable coat from my favorite coatroom attendant and fled the Ritz ASAP...hailed one of those darling black London taxi cabs...and went straight to Gatwick for the flight to dear St. Petersburg...never fear, no imperial beans were spilled! And from what I have read on this thread since my brief respite away, there seem to be alot more beans to spill now than there were before I left my sweet mauve cottage to lunch with Mr. D...

You know, poor Count Fredericks cannot take anymore imperial shenanigans...please darlings, be DISCREET!!!! As dear GD Janet has reminded us, to quote that very famous British actress: please do not scare the horses or your public. Everytime Tsar D. is indiscreet (shame on you for the Spa Woman Episode!) the Empress orders the whole contents of the Harrod's mailorder cataloque to drown her many sorrows...as well as the telly shopping channels...how many Imperial Garage Sales can we have to deal with the things that we cannot cram into the attics of the Catherine Palace?   caio for now, Melissa & Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on October 04, 2004, 09:52:00 AM
Dearest All

It's been a while since I posted and, as I have been incommunicado for so long, I thought I'd get back in touch to see if there are any formal plans for a Court Ball.  Dinahlova has decided that it's about time I brought her to St Pete's and, as I'm now fully recovered after a nasty bout of measles AND emergency surgery, I thought I might treat both her and me to a trip.  So, shall I pack my dancing shoes and swirly dress??  Unfortunately I will not be able to attend early in November as I have to make a Grand Tour to Orlando, Florida, but will be returning to the UK by 20 November.  However, a Court Ball in the days before Christmas sounds wonderful - I can just see it - swishing silk, sparkling chandeliers, crisp snow and troikas to dash across town in - absolute perfection.  Dinahlova would of course be limited to her room during the party - but she'd enjoy seeing visitors in ones and twos during the evening just so she could catch up with all that's happened during a summer spent indoors.

Glad to see the Claimants post is still very much alive and all we Royals are sticking together in these uncertain times!

Best wishes to all.

Kathleen
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 04, 2004, 11:39:17 AM
Splendid suggestion, Katieann! And may I suggest, my fellow royal claimnuts (oops, of course I meant claimants) that, all recent posts considered, we hold a court ball ASAP. Nothing like a good ol' fashioned court ball to reunite us, and it would seem that such an event is precisely what we need at this time. So let us send out invitations, post haste, but only to bona fide claimants . . . no spa ladies or Catwomen, and most certainly no Mr. Dunne. Plus, I do not think it out of bounds to request that all budgie claimants attend in cages with the appropriate papers. (Nobody, but nobody, wants a soiled kokoshnik.) As for Tsar D., you may attend only if you leave your Rufus T. Firefly costume at home, but certainly bring along your dear Tsarina and that amazing ADC.

The dainty-footed

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 04, 2004, 08:48:55 PM
Dearies,

That seems more like it, a ball. :D Good for the spirits and a change to play my balalaika. What about a masqurade, I've got hundreds of different sunglasses, no point. Would love to dance une pas du tout avec T.D. - put on the right boots and the costume in which you look like a cute tin soldier, would you dear?

GD/GP Janet, I guess that handsome ADC will be your escort, does he have a brother? Otherwise I've to accept the old Generals invitation as my escort.:P Can you imagine, I'd rather eat my pearls.:-/

Well I can always take a parrot on my shoulder as accompany.

Anna 8)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 04, 2004, 09:20:09 PM
From the cage paper of HIM-ically Perched ALEXIS-PERCIVAL  Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Ph.D of all Bird-Brains, etcetera, etcetera.

To: HIM's and HIH's of all Wings of all Palaces.


We, ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, and Our beloved Empress ALEXIS-CAROLINA,  as well as the Budgerigarevich DMITRI, all the Great Parakeet Princes (including the recently cage-trained COSSACK BABY) and both Grand Budgiesses TATIANA MOLLY and ALEXANDRA MAGGIE, would be most delighted to attend the upcoming Grand Ball, and understand that cage paper will indeed be de-riguer for the festive evening.   After all, would we have pooped on little Alexei, his imperial parents or his august sisters?  Never, no matter how excruciatingly sweet and cute we parakeets can be!

We plan on coming in on the next convenient round-trip flight from Massandra.

ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on October 07, 2004, 01:27:32 PM
No, my dearest mentor Anna, you have not lost me. I have just returned from "Piter" where I was on vacation. And there was pre-trip planning and post-trip jet lag, so...here I am now!

Did I say vacation...well, you never know with us spies. Someone (!) has to keep on eye on the Imperial reputation with all the shenanigans now going on at the Palace. Finding and smashing the hidden printing presses turning out those disgusting cartoons of the Tsar with floozy at spa - what can I say, I'm exhausted.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Justinian on October 07, 2004, 06:48:53 PM
TO ALL WHOM THESE PRESENTS SHALL COME GREETING:

I feel that I am highly qualified to be granted the most solemn and Imperial title of CZAR. There are several reasons why I feel I am highly qualified. First, I am positively regal and love the regalia. The great Crown with its large ruby would look splendid on my head. Also, I love the snow and cold weather, therefore I would not complain about the snow and cold. I also have a nice figure and Imperial uniforms would look stunning on me, I can do a mighty fine wave as well. I am also very young, 18 years of age, therefore, I would have the possibility of a long reign and a Golden Jubilee would be grand. For these reasons, I ask the Claimant Committee to consider me for the Throne. "It's good to be da' Czar." I have also enclosed a portrait of me and logo.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-5/734831/justinofrussia.JPG

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-5/734831/jjman.JPG

With divine respect and esteem,

IUSTINIANUS

P.S I can write a mean Letters Patent. (JUSTINIAN BY THE GRACE OF GOD, CZAR....)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 08, 2004, 01:34:17 PM
Aha, Tsar Doug! Methinks we have a pretender afoot! And one with excellent qualifications, it would seem. Perhaps, after all, it is Justinian who is the true czar? Tsar vs. Czar--or, if you will, Ts/Czar Wars!  ::)

This does throw a wrench into the next court ball, I must say!

The Very Much Amused GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Justinian on October 08, 2004, 02:16:39 PM
What kind of Royal name is "Douglas". My name originates from the Eastern Roman Empire, where the double headed eagle was used. I believe I have far better qualifications that Douglas. P.S. I also speak some French, the language of Royal Courts and Diplomacy.

Thank you,

+Justinian
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 08, 2004, 02:41:37 PM
Dearies,

Justinian my dearie, hmmmm your name and looks are royal enough to me, so you may escort me to the ball, better than an old general or a parrot. ;) I have one question, at dinner do we lie down the old Roman way or do we just use chairs.:-/

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Justinian on October 08, 2004, 04:22:51 PM
Dearest Anna:

We use chairs, in the Russian empire style of course...

I would love to be your escort. Wear your best kokoshnik tiara.

I have one supporter, woot. Now I need some more. Anna, you can be my Chief of Staff in regards to supporters. :)

Avec amour,

+Justinian
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 08, 2004, 05:33:21 PM
Can you imagine that?  An imperial coup d'etat!  Here I thought I was secure in my royal position and what do we all discover?  Tsar +Justinian!  Well, what can I say, other than I'll retire to my country estate and observe from a distance.  That does not mean that I'll not be advising & commenting regularly to all members of the Imperial Court.  

Anna!!:  you are so fickle dear one.  Here I thought that you had bestowed loyalty onto my imperial self and what do you do, but up and attached your darling self to the rising star of  another Tsar and a young one at that!  ::)

Good luck +Justinian...you'll need it with this riotous band of courtiers!

Douglas - now reduced to taking tea and Tsar watching from our  country estate 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 08, 2004, 05:39:18 PM
GD Janet:  Don't worry, dear one.  I'll be at the gala for sure now.  I was going yachting but now I'll be at the palace to see how Tsar Justinian  comports himself with the various and sundry courtiers.  I expect he'll wear his imperial crown and garters.   "Douglas" :o
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 08, 2004, 06:09:55 PM
Douglas dearie,

Fickle :o  Well, the grass is always greener on the other side. I think it's because of my dazzling nature, the girl can't help it.

This acquintance could be to the benefit of our Royal family ( I'm a spy you know) have to find out ;).

Avec amour to you too.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 08, 2004, 06:33:19 PM
Dear Tsar Doug--

Actually, I'm not worried, just enthused . . . did you see Justinian's photo?  :o Hubba hubba! Maybe he can escort Spy Anna on one arm and moi on the other?

With Czars in her eyes, I remain

The GD/GD Janet   8)

P.S. How do the budgies feel about this? We must have a vote from the budgies!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 08, 2004, 06:55:33 PM
Dearest  Courtiers and +Justinian [ "From Schoolboy to Tsar" - a new movie on BBC]:

Well yes, I did see the snap taken of Justinian before he became the Tsar of all the Russians and Moldavia.  Try to talk to him at the ball and let me know what he's up to as far as his Tsarish ambitions and other matters of state.  Don't tell anyone but I'll be listening and watching from behind a screen;  that is, until we make our grand entrance..  "Douglas"  ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 08, 2004, 08:01:50 PM
From the cage paper of HIM-ically Perchedness the Empress ALEXIS-CAROLINA

To the gracious admirers of my sky-blue fluffiness I send my greetings.  The matter of this young 'Justinian' does intrigue our Imperial Budgerigar Court here in the Hermitage at Massandra.  He does appear to be gifted at self-aggrandizing computer graphics.  (We must recall that a much admired lubok print of another young, genuine article that may have inspired Justinian's cyber-placard could not have possibly been made by the child himself.)  We do give him 'brownie points' for his initiative.  However:  We need to see him in formal attire before passing judgment further.  In the picture he commends to Our perusal he reminds us of the notorious Grand Duke George...  HIH the Cossack Baby may have nightmares tonight of drafty stone halls, chalk dust and (gasp)
RADIOHEAD
just from having looked at it.

Looking forward to seeing you all if the Ball is still on.

ALEXIS-CAROLINA
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Justinian on October 08, 2004, 10:38:03 PM
Members of the Court:

Douglas, remember Peter and his brother were co-Tsars. Perhaps we could do the same and share the throne? Just a thought? What would the court think of this?

Also, We declare that Anna shall now be titled "Countess" of her choosing.

Signed at Our Court,
+Justinian

P.S. the + before my name is a Cross to represent my faith.

VIVE L'EMPIRE!


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 09, 2004, 02:17:21 AM
Dearie,

I'm flattered, merci beaucoup mon cher ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 09, 2004, 02:48:02 PM
Greetings Tsar Justinian:  My ADC just arrived with your most gracious letter stating that you would entertain the idea of co-Tsardom.  I then called round to the various courtiers and they were most delighted by your magnanimous offer.  I hereby accept your offer and have called the moving lorries to have our various furniture and items returned to the palace post haste. BTW, Justinian, just where do you plan to reside as co-Tsar?  Please let us know so that we can make the proper arraignments and issue the proper Letters Patent.  "D".

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on October 09, 2004, 05:55:26 PM
Ok I am back.. I want to thank Douglas and his pals for watching over my throne while I was on vacation, and I want you to know you all be rewarded for it..
Now.. to more important stuff..

The movie is almost done and coming out of editing, Valmontsky, The beautifull white palace is getting its final touch,  the details are the most expensive part when you are  building a palace.. Believe me..I will let you know  when Valmontsky  is ready, and  YOU are ALL invited to the open house, before the official opening..ok?

I will keep you posted, in the meantime, I send you a HUGE hug, ,  Now... I have an Empire to rule..

Best regards

Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Justinian on October 09, 2004, 08:41:48 PM
My Co-Tsar:

Whatever palace you like, I can rule from. I must now go to sleep, I have held audiences all day. It is time to retire for the evening. I hope to have messages from you in the morning.

+Justinian
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 09, 2004, 11:52:28 PM
Co-Tsar Justinian: Oh that's wonderful.  For the time being you may occupy the right wing of the Alexander Palace whilst I occupy the left wing.  If you need more space for a grand dinner please you are welcome to use the Catherine Palace.  When you are in St. Petersburg have use of the Imperial Suite at the Winter Palace.  Make whatever changes you so desire in the decor.  Nothing from Ikea or Target please.  When you are in London please let us know where you will be headquartered.  Maybe one of the palaces in the city center.  When you in the United States always feel welcome at  the Henry Huntington Estate in San Marino.  It's a lovely palace on about forty acres.  All of the courtiers have their own palaces and estates and will be notifying you of their respective address so that you may contact them for your galas and balls.    +"D"+
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 10, 2004, 12:01:48 AM
Tsar Valmont: Good to see you back at your Tsarish duties! Please note that we have another Tsar now.  Thank you for your kind words and let the courtiers know when your new place is ready for our inspection.  Is the event going to be a barbecue?  That's one of our favorites. We also like chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. You'll have to ask Justinian what his pleasure is in the food department.

The new Tsar is Justinian.  He is setting up his imperial residences and will let us all know his most gracious whereabouts.  As he has a new jet plane he'll be here there and everywhere.  "D" 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Justinian on October 10, 2004, 02:37:24 PM
We like many foods. Our favourite dessert is key lime pie. We also love anything with feta cheese, asparagus, and we like Calvados, an apple brandy from the Normandy region of France. I had the pleasure of drinking it while in France this summer.

+Justinian
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 12, 2004, 05:38:38 PM
Such confusion. Not only has dear Uncle Valmont returned, reminding us that he is Tsar, but Tsar Doug has agreed to co-reign with Tsar Justinian, one in the right wing, and one in the left wing. In the meantime, Valmontsky is being readied for open house--which may conflict with our royal ball--and Tsar Doug is inviting Justinian to take over the Huntington in San Marino. Tsar D., did you not know that the Huntington estate is currently occupied by a legendary art museum? Is Justinian to reside there only during after-hours, when all tourists have been shooed away? Ah, what a Blue Boy he will be!

Also, I am greatly offended, T.D., as I have furnished my own modest but perfectly charming chateau according to the Chez Target and Chez Ikea guidelines. And as a vegetarian and budgie advocate I cannot approve of barbeque (unless, of course, it is vegetables solamente); however, the chocolate cake sounds fine . . . tho' might I suggest a coffee flavored frosting, just to be cutting edge?  ;)  Or perhaps, in lieu of the frosting, a mere dusting of powdered sugar and a soupson of wild raspberries? (Ah, Julia Child, where are you when we need you?  :'( )  I do like co-Tsar's menu ever so much better, tho' the key lime pie does confuse; Justinian is Mediterranean, it would seem.

At any rate, we do carry on. (Indeed  . . . we do!   ;) )

Artistically yours--

Pinky Siddons, The Tragic Muse

a.k.a. The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on October 12, 2004, 09:46:48 PM
Dearies All,

Well, this thread has given new meaning to the charming title "Triple Crown"!!!!!

However, have sable coat and my jewel case, so will travel!!! I will always drop my Faberge fan and hustle to Tsar Doug and the Empress when the footman brings a little note inviting me to tea or dinner or whatever...and of course I always remember who was kind enough to gift me my sweet Mauve Cottage adjacent to the AP! But if the three gentlemen have agreed to "triplet rule" it only means three divine Court Calendars instead of one measly one...so looking on the bright side, caio for now,  GD Melissa & Ortino II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 12, 2004, 10:23:07 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

There are several buildings on the Huntington Estate in San Marino.  The Main Dwelling is now the Home of the Tsar.  [Just in case they did not know it.]  I'll have the Blue Boy and Pinkie removed to some other gallery..maybe the Guggenheim on Central Park.  Key Lime Pie for Tsar Justinian?  A little odd but what the heck. The Empress and I  love the idea of the coffee flavored frosting. And GD Melissa, always loyal, you are invited for high and low tea next Friday  at the palace. I have my binoculars trained over on the Right Wing of the palace but I haven't seen much of Tsar Justinian this week so far. Maybe he's over to see Prince Albert.  "D" 8) I don't know if there is such a thing as high and low tea but it sounds like a lot of fun!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 13, 2004, 02:14:43 PM
Dear Tsar Doug:

I am not sure if the curators at the Huntington will appreciate moving their Gainsboroughs and et cetera to the Guggenheim . . . methinks, given their own history, they undoubtedly will feel railroaded.  ;)

However, I believe there is an on-site museum cafeteria which might suit, if only for the nonce. And it is entirely possible a key lime pie or two abides on the premises. Can't speak for the chocolate cake with coffee icing, tho'.

What, may I ask, is served at low tea? (I must look out for Grand Duchess Melissa and Ortino II in this respect; the dears do tend to become involved in the most frightful of adventures.)

It was my impression that Justinian had been sent for by Spy Anna. Though I cannot be absolutely certain on this point.  8)

By the by, I do think we should watch our pints and quarts, as the other claimants thread has been locked, and unlike Rapunzal, my hair is not of a length to vouchsafe my eventual rescue and escape.

I remain The Tragic Muse--

Sarah Siddons
a.k.a. The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 13, 2004, 04:05:31 PM
From the cage paper of Their Imperial High-perchednesses, the Grand Budgiesses TATIANA MOLLY and ALEXANDRA MAGGIE:

To all our Human Co-Claimants on Both Wings of All Palaces.

We feel it our cute and sweet little duty to let one and all know that our Imperial Faberge Plexiglas and Platinum Deluxe Cages are never locked.   Our loving attendant feeds us, kisses us and allows us flight time in order that we may maintain our dainty little figures.

We agree with GD Janet that vegetarian fare for those of us who thrive on it or otherwise enjoy it would be absolutely scrumptious.  We will even eat habanero and serrano peppers - veterinarian approved -- that is, except for dear old Grand Keet GARETH ALEXANDER, with whom they simply do not agree (do make his mild bell peppers, please.).

HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI would definitely agree that it would be best to give HIM the Emperor JUSTINIAN the once-over and a double take before even considering giving him the third degree.

Wishing one and all wittew budgie kisses, we remain your own sweet and cute --

TATIANA MOLLY
ALEXANDRA MAGGIE
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 13, 2004, 04:28:00 PM
Dear ones all:  Well, what a commotion.  When our suite showed up at Mr. Huntington's old house the museum curators told us that the place was just not grand enough for a Tsar.  They suggested that we retreat to our private train and go north to Mr. Hearst's old house up at San Simeon.  Seems that  is more suited for a king and ruler of Siberia and lands east of Moldavia. I'll let all know what happens when we get there.  The Empress is dire need of some more coffee to calm her nerves after this embarrassment.  "D" :-/

Forgot to mention that they offered us low tea in the Japanese Tea House.  The staff all had on their most serious faces...but I did notice a bit of twittering in the background...very unmannerly in front of our suite and the GD Janet.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 13, 2004, 05:45:03 PM
My dearies,

No I didn't sent for Justinian after all, but dashed off to la douce France myself, to inspect the furniture, paintings and of course his imperial finances. As I'm not invited by Tsar Dougie dear, for high and low tea, someone has to think about decorating the right wing of the palace, so I'll have my own Pot au Feu, thank you very much. :P. And Dougie dear I want those sunglasses back you put behind your name lately. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone :P

I'm blissful my protégé Tati is back, dearie was I worried :-/ Hope you had a nice vacation.:) I'll sent you on a secret mission to see how our third Tsar Valmont is doing. Try to see a preview of his film.

My dearies it's time to change for dinner,we're having bouillabaise on the menu.

Au revoir,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 13, 2004, 06:52:13 PM
So glad that my fellow Grand Duchess Anna is doing well, but Ay Carrumba, Tsar Doug, you did it again!  :( Left me high and dry (or considering the tea we had, is that low and schmoe?) at the Huntington, feeding bell peppers to those blasted wittle budgies. Needless to say, I am all a-twitter.

BTW, ever been kissed by a budgie?   :P  Don't get me started . . .

So now I'm scrambling for bus tickets and will probably end up sitting next to some guy in a raincoat offering me Two Buck Chuck while you and the Empress are trolling up the California coastline in your customized private train car. I tell you, Life Is Not Fair.   :'(

Well okay then, I'll put on a stiff upper lip (found one at a Halloween shop) and see you at San Simeon.

In the meantime, what about Valmontsky? I do hope it's on the way. Perhaps I can persuade the Greyhound bus driver to make an unscheduled stop.

Yours for Triple Crowns--

The GD/GP Janet and the Budgies

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 13, 2004, 10:07:30 PM
So sorry GD Janet.  We thought you were in the dining car with the imperial pooches.  When our conductor said "All Aboard", I replied, "Off We Go, Full Steam Ahead" and we headed up the coast for San Simeon.  I understand that  Tsar Valmont's new  palace, the one with all the great little golden details, is in Tijuana, B. C., Mexico near the racetrack district.  This is of cource in exactly the opposite direction we are currently steaming.  And dearest GD and superspy Anna.  I have a new policy at the palaces.  When one is invited, all are invited.  That means you too.  Please try and bring the new Tsar Justinian along next time.....we must know his whereabouts and what he is up too....nothing naughty we hope.  See you all  at  Hearst Castle [ someone, please bring the ketchup bottles].  "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 14, 2004, 10:38:43 AM
From the cage paper of HIM-ically Perchedness ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Grand Keet of Birdland, Ph.D. of all Bird Brains, etc., etc..

To:  HIH GD/GP JANET, Princess of the Entire West Coast, etc., etc.. and so on and so forth

Our Dear Great Princess JANET:

We, ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, along with HIM-- ALEXIS-CAROLINA, and the rest of the Imperial Budgerigar Court, deeply appreciate Your benevolence and respect to Our Birdly Estates during the recent misunderstanding in regards to the Imperial Ball events.  While We share Your keen disappointment at not being able to behold a single kokoshnik - or in the case of Her Majestically-Perchedness or of the Grand Budgiesses to try their wings at hatching a Faberge' egg - We wish to offer You in consolation and with Our heartfelt thanks for your indulgence of our appetites:

THE IMPERIAL ORDER OF ST. ALEXEI THE BIRD-SNARER (for did not the patron of the last universally acknowledged Heir to the Throne try his hand at catching birds when God called him to help catch people instead? and so on and so forth.)

With kindest and loftiest regards:
ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.

PS.:  HIH-Perchedness the Grand Keet GARETH-ALEXANDER wishes to apologize for the budgie kissing episode.  A-P

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 14, 2004, 11:53:40 AM
From the Terrace Adjacent Guest Cottage Number Three, Hearst Castle, San Simeon, CA, USA

Tsar Doug:

Things do work out most serendipitously, I must say.

There I was aboard a Greyhound bus, with cages and cages of budgies. I decided to ask the bus driver if he knew the location of Valmontsky, and at that point he—and indeed, the entire company aboard said bus—began to look most assiduously for signage indicating Uncle Val's new abode. (Wasn’t that generous of them?) Presently the turnout was found, and the budgies and I were deposited by the side of the road.

However, after about half an hour of asking random joggers and bicyclists about which direction to Valmontsky, someone furnished a piece of cardboard and a marking pen, and henceforth the budgies and I sat by the road, holding our “Valmonstsky Or Bust” signage.

As it turned out, a truck transporting bottles and bottles of Heinz 57 Ketchup pulled over—intrigued by Our royal demeanor, no doubt, despite Our reduced circumstances—and, upon inquiring of Our situation and learning of your own San Simeon connections, declared that they, too, were headed in that direction for a delivery, and offered to take Us to Hearst Castle, where We now await you and your dear spouse.

As you might guess, there’s no need to bring any ketchup, though We would appreciate if you and wifey could stop at the nearest grocer and purchase some extra bell peppers.

In the meantime, the weather is fine up here, and We are about to take another dip in the sparkling outdoor Grecian pool. The Budgies enjoy splashing about, and I too am finding it quite refreshing.  Various and sundry tourists also enjoy the view, and—upon being reassured that We are displaced royalty—have included us in their digital photos sent home to the folks in Paducah and Pocatella. In short, the Budgies and I have become a tourist attraction, and have been receiving (ahem) royalties in a tip jar adjacent the pool.

Need I say that the Budgies and I have made amends? Furthermore, we eagerly await you, Anna, Justinian, Melissa, Ortino II, and last but certainly not least Uncle Val—we hope—as Special Guest of Honor. Indeed, I have informed all the tour guides to that effect, and a special Welcome Bus awaits you, “down the hill,” at the Hearst Castle Tourist Center.

Yours, with relish--

The GD/GP Janet




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 14, 2004, 12:05:59 PM
 Telegram from onboard the imperial train:  We have been stopped by a band of  imperial groupies in Santa Barbara.  They refuse to let our train pass until all of the royals onboard this train do some impromptu line dancing at the station.  We have sent for our dancing master for emergency lessons.  Also we will need someone to crank the Victrola. Will keep all informed as to our progress.  GD Janet: please keep things under control at Hearst Castle until we pass this dreadful test and arrive at the Tourist Center.  "D"  :-/
Title: iRe: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 14, 2004, 12:33:06 PM
La, Tsar Doug, how very very droll.  Santa Barbara groupies? What next . . . a gang of Solvang mercenaries?!   :-X

Well, I hope you, your wife and the entire Douginian entourage do the rest of us proud. As for me, I'm strictly into waltzes, minuets, and the occasional fox trot.

Having waited the obligatory minutes after consumption of my veggie burger topped with Heinz 57, I am back to the pool and remain

The Saucy GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 14, 2004, 02:29:19 PM
We're all dripping with sweat.  We've danced up and down the platform a hundred times but we are improving our routine.  All of this whilst GD Janet is lounging around the Grecian Pool at San Simeon, how lovely...and we're getting blisters! ---- Oh, I have just been informed that a famous Hollywood producer has seen our routine and desires that we sign a contract for a new Busby Berkley movie.  The suite is thrilled....the Empress is tired and I desire to move on. UPDATE:  Our private train has been taken over by some mad historic train buffs and demands that  our train be taken to the Railroad Museum in Sacramento.  I have called for 45 hot air balloons to transport the suite and our luggage to San Simeon ASAP.  "D"  News  of our junket will be updated as soon as possible.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 14, 2004, 04:31:10 PM
GD/GP Janet and other dearies,

Oh....that's what I saw, looking out of the window of my jet, the Imp. train hanging on 45 hot air balloons. I should have known, only Dougie dear can figure out something like this. ::) What a Royal entry. ;D
Traveling with Tsar Doug and Co. is never dull, getting into trouble is one of his talents ;D Dearie you're a Tsar, take a secretary to organize such things, I've told you many times. I understand why the poor Empress is always fidgeting.
Janet dearest, when they appear above Hearst Castle, be alarmed, clear the pool for landing, and bring the budgies in safety. I hope the suite practiced swimming excercises on dry land. Don't forget to put the kettle on.

I'm on my way too, the more comfortable way.. private jet .:D Other family members trickle in very soon I suppose. GD/GP Janet dearie, please put a martini ready, shaken, but not stirred. ;)

Ready for line dancing with dry boots..

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 14, 2004, 05:48:57 PM
From the cage paper diaries of HIH-Perchedness the Budgerigarevich DMITRI ALEXEI PERCIVAL GEORGE and so on and so forth.


Today was quite the day.  From being fed luscious red, yellow and orange bell peppers by HIH the GD/GP JANET as well as our loving attendant to basking in this most sumptious Imperial-sized bird bath that does double duty as a pool for human beings, We all have had an eventful time.  There was a point when We all endured a layover.  You would not believe the little children that asked if they could touch me... at least my feathers.  Here I am, just an innocent trim little white Budgerigarevich with blue belly feathers.  Yet I obliged and let the boys and girls hold me on their fingers and get all excited, while remaining calm myself.  HIH Cossack Baby thought I was very brave, especially when the boldest of the little boys said:  

'I held him!  I stroked his feathers!  He was so sweet!  I want my own parakeet.'

(A mere parakeet!  Ah, well.  St. Alexei himself always wanted to be like other boys, so why shouldn't I be relieved at inspiring someone to own a pet parakeet, and not just one of those dime-store varieties....)

But anyway, We were all requested to finish Our luxurious bathe here and get ready for a state dinner.  We all have a balcony view from our cages... and what is this?  An aerial exhibition, complete with balloons and Imperial fanfare?  We had all better take a look, even the venerable Grand Keets GALAHAD-VLADIMIR and GAWAIN-CONSTANTIN.   Grand Keets LANCELOT-GEORGE and NICHOLAS-TIKHON, being tiny fledglings like HIH the COSSACK BABY, are all eyes already.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 14, 2004, 06:56:54 PM
Really, Tsar Doug, you are quite the Drama King.

Yes, as earlier related, the Budgies and I had been sunning ourselves and hobnobbing with tourists all day out on the terrace, adjacent the Neptune Pool, when what to our wondering eyes should appear than 45 hot air balloons and a dangling train car. (Well, better that than a dangling participle.) Imagine all the gas involved.

Tut tut, my dear T.D., you have at last arrived, but I'm afraid the final Castle-bound tour bus of the day left half an hour ago and more, so perhaps you and your hot air entourage could remain camped out at the park restrooms until tomorrow around 8:20 a.m.? Really, after all your earlier terpsichore, you will no doubt be grateful for the respite.

Until tomorrow morning, then, and I do hope you are bringing lots of bell peppers for the Budgies and plenty of microwavable french fries for me (preferred nine times out of ten by GDs/GPs to freedom fries). . . after all, we've oodles of Heinz 57 in the Refectory these days.

Shall watch for you on the official Hearst Castle slo-cam tonight. Perhaps you’ll be able to see me; I shall perform the Royal Wave at 6 p.m. precisely, before adjourning to Cardinal Richelieu’s bed. (Don’t jump to conclusions; the dear boy went to his Reward many centuries ago, and the sheets have been changed since that time.) Make sure those balloons are well-anchored; we don’t want any unexpected leave-takings, now do we. (You aren't, by any chance, The Great Oz, are you?)

The tanned and rested

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 14, 2004, 09:30:16 PM
Can you imagine the shock?  We didn't know that Mr. Hearst had a private zoo at his estate and the basket of my balloon landed directly into the tiger cages.  I jumped from the basket and ran  for the wall.  I jumped over and found myself looking straight at the Empress who was sitting on top of an elephant.  We shouted for the mahout, who came running at  full bore.  He quickly got the old elephant to kneel and allowed the frightened Empress to slide down his trunk to the ground.  What a relief!  We then gathered the suite and headed for the guest house in search of GD Janet.  We rang the bell and her maid came to the door and informed us that the GD had gone to bed and would see us in the morning.  We camped out in the corridors and sidewalks of the indoor pool. It was a bit steamy but we survived.

In the morning we were all informed that the three Guest Houses were occupied by the GD's and that the Main House was a Museum for  tourists.  We had no idea that the place was open to the public...of all things.

Seeing our great distress GD's Janet, Melissa and Anna came forth with a marvelous idea.  They immediately ordered that several large barges be constructed and floated in the Neptune Pool.  So here we are, living aboard  three grand houseboats moored in the great swimming pool of San Simeon, California.  What a wonderful day it had been, although my feet were a little sore from all that dancing in Santa Barbara!    "D"

PS:  Many thanks to GD Janet for collecting tons of money from the tourtists.  This came in very handy in providing the new bird cages for the budgies and for the imperial houseboats.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 14, 2004, 09:44:38 PM
Dear Courtiers...it has just been announced that the crown prince of Cambodia will be the new king.  As a ballet dancer and choreographer he should be able to bring real class to his high office.  Finally we will have a King of Cambodia that can dance!  Will he star in a new movie?  Will he play himself?  

You see I was correct.  Tsars,  kings, emperors and empresses must know how to dance.  Will these wonders never cease?  "D" :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 15, 2004, 12:08:54 PM
From the Guest House adjacent the Neptune Pool

Good morning, Tsar Doug!

So sorry to hear of your misfortune last evening. Landing amongst the zoo animals is surely not the most fortuitous of entrances, though it certainly does not lack in drama.

It appears my look-a-like and the look-a-likes for Grand Duchesses Melissa and Anna must have advised you re: the house boat accomodations, because God knows the actual GDs/GPs would not make such decisions. (You did know, didn't you, that we royals always have  look-a-likes? A bothersome situation, to be sure, but ah such is life.) In fact, I am not altogether certain that the real Melissa and the real Anna have arrived yet. However, you will soon have the pleasure of meeting moi: I will be the diver drilling holes in your houseboat. And oh yes, I am six feet tall, whether in or out of the water. We GDs/GPs, you see, are a lanky lot!

Donning my scuba equipment, I remain

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 15, 2004, 01:40:24 PM
News Flash from the Imperial Houseboat  in the pool at San Simeon:  The Empress and I had this strange sinking feeling this morning when we were having our herring and cream cheese.  First the deck was wet, then the water began to rise around our knees.  Being somewhat alarmed I called the captain to ask his advice.  Our dear old captain, declared a nautical emergency and lowered the rubber rafts.  We all got in and rowed over to the steps of the pool and clambered out.  We then saw the GD Janet tripping up the steps to the Guest House clothed in scuba gear and an electric drill.  We are puzzled and flabbergasted.  Why would the GD drill holes in our houseboats?  We immediately sent our ADC's to seek her out and ask a few pointed questions.  "D" ...looking for a new abode for the imperial suite. :-/
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 16, 2004, 07:44:13 PM
Greetings once more from a Greyhound Bus.

Having made it necessary for Tsar Doug & spouse to abandon their houseboat which was, after all, not approved by the Hearst foundation, I left them my guest house, complete with the budgies, and am now on the road again, in search of Valmontsky.

Although traveling incognito, I realize that being a six foot GD/GP makes this rather difficult. So if you do happen to recognize me, don't do anything to give me away . . . a simple bow and kiss of my gloved hand will be sufficient . . .

Peripatetically Yours--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 16, 2004, 08:51:57 PM
From the cage paper of HIH-Perchedness the Budgerigarevich DMITRI, M.A. of all Bird Brains, IBS Best in Show, etc., etc, so on and so forth

To:  All Human Claimants Present at the Guest House Lately Occupied by HIH the GD/GP JANET, Princess of the Entire West Coast, etc, etc..


It has come to the attention of Our August Flock that since HIH the GD/GP JANET, who after all has gone beyond the call of duty past all deference normal to someone who would not normally be particularly enthralled by Our delightful and almost mercurial avian antics, has in fact allowed Your Imperial Majesties and Highnesses to take over these premises, and;

Are now enjoying yourselves immensely while Our loving attendant is content to feed us and pamper us, all the while learning her Church Slavonic like a good monastic wanna-be;

We, being the Birdly Sorts We are, have decided to let Your Majesties and Highnesses carry on.  Our flight back to Massandra and the Hermitage has been arranged for sometime next week, and We will be available for audiences with Your Imperial  Majesties and Highnesses until the time of Our departure.

Most cordially and with loftiest regards.  Have fun.
HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 17, 2004, 08:08:22 PM
My entire suite has had to retreat from La Casa Hearst and head down the coast.  We came to a fork in the road when all of a sudden we were at  T-bone with a Greyhound bus. The bus had a large sign on the side that stated: "Valmontsky or Bust".  I told the driver of our limo to stop.  Our other limo sped around and blocked the passage of the bus.  I ordered our ADCs to board the bus and inquire as to the occupants.

Well, lo and behold, they found the GD Janet hiding in the last row. Just as I suspected she is up to her old tricks of symbolically placing a pie in the Tsar's face. We exhanged words and I headed back to our fleet of limos.  "D"  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on October 17, 2004, 10:04:36 PM
Dearies All,

My head is spinning! So many comings and goings! I can barely keep track of me, muchless my double! As my two girls say, just one of mummy is plenty enough! But really, I am getting tired reading about the comings and goings, much less then realizing that it is also happening to me! If this is Sunday, are we in sunny Mexico? Do we have to learn any more dance numbers? Are we to pack to visit the new King of Cambodia, so lovely there this time of year and will the budgies like it?

I spoke to my galpal Teresa last week and she agreed to send over a case of Heinz 57 to the Imperial Train. She won't be happy to know that since leaving Hearst Castle, that special case of Heinz 57 with the double eagle crest labels has vanished and bottles looking alot like it are showing up on eBay...plus, what does one put on one's chips? One of the suite suggested mayo, but then we won't fit into our formal attire at the start of the Season. Split seams are not chic.

GD Janet now has a lovely tan. I have watermarks on my luggage. Anna and her protege always seem to land on their feet in a private jet, clever girls. Someone (NOT ME THIS TIME) needs to go clean the budgie cages. They are so cute. The person who started the rumor they could end up as hat decorations should be spanked.   Caio for now, GD Melissa and Ortino II


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 18, 2004, 04:57:31 PM
When  we got back to our fleet of limos I was greeting by a messenger.  The note read that our limos were needed for an important wedding in Beverly Hills.  So there we were standing by the road with all of our luggage and wondering what next.  I had our ADC call for some bicycles.  When the 62 bicycles arrived we loaded up and headed for the pier at the Port of  San Simeon.  We camped out overnight and  next morning boarded the yacht  Nahlin which we had brought over here from England just in case we needed her.  The last  time anyone  of importance used her was in 1936, when Edward the VIII and Mrs Simpson went  on a cruise in the Med. What a scandal that was!  We steamed off  towards  Hawaii and we hope to be able to stay at the royal palace located on one of those enchanted islands.  Aloha all....."D" and the imperial suite.

PS:  The Nahlin was built in 1930  and although she is 300 feet long we're all a bit crowded as our suite is   35 people.  This also includes Ortino II - GD Melissa's  little dog and a few birds, I regret to report!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 18, 2004, 05:50:11 PM
Now really, Tsar Doug, I had no idea you were such a madcap.

And didn't you know that I have a double? Most royals do, you know. So, which one of us was on board that particular Greyhound bus, hmmm?! You see, with the tip money made at the Neptune Pool, I decided to employ two buses . . . one for the real GD/GP, and one for the double. So frankly, T.D., I have the feeling your ADCs didn't go through the checklist of GD/GP Janet identification points.  ;)

Also, according to your report you have some birds on board--would that include the budgies?--plus Ortino II. But where, for heaven's sake, is the Grand Duchess Melissa? Really, too cruel to separate owner from faithful trusted canine.

I have visited the royal palace in Honolulu but you may be disappointed to know that just like Hearst Castle, it, too, is a tourist attraction. That's why, dearest T.D., I am on the road to Valmonstky--one of the few private palaces left. Now, if only Tsar Valmont will let me know where it is . . .

The double your pleasure, double your fun

GP/GD Janet

P.S. What sort of pie do you prefer?  :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on October 18, 2004, 05:52:06 PM
GD Melissa:
  Master Spy Anna may have landed on her feet, so-to-speak, jet-plane style, but me she pushed out the plane over Hollywood. Something about checking out a film. Said the parachute jump would be good training for me. If only I'd known I needed a parachute.  :-/
  Still, all those hours spent watching Discover and PBS (while the entourage parties at various West Coast USA mansions) wasn't for nil. I hugged my knees, making myself a little ball until well clear of the jet's airstream and then unbutton my way-too-big-for-me trench coat and arms and legs spread wide glided (?) smack into a tree top. That Anna - always the kidder!!!
   Once I extricate myself from the tree, I'll wander over to Hollywood. With all the film-napping going on these days, I should be able to get a hold of one of Val's prints. Hope it has some useful information - Valmonsky seems to change location with every post. (Brigadoon???)
  Reporting from a the field - well, a tree, really...Tati
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on October 18, 2004, 06:53:22 PM
Hello everyone,
Just to let you know there has been a security leak. I never told anyone where Valmonstky was being built, except that it was being built in Tijuana. Now Dougie Dear knows it is near by the race track district..  I knew i was not crazy when I thought that Flower lady who knocked at my door looked like Douglas...mmm
Ok... I must now  delay the "Open House", until everything is ready. I will let you know when the party will be, until then, no more interviews..ok?
Thank you all
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 18, 2004, 07:22:33 PM
Dearies,

Good heavens.. unbelievable ::) My protege Tati hanging in a tree top. Sorry dearie, forgot to tell you how that jump thing worked. Stay put and I'll pick you up with da plane.
Tsar Doug with his entourage dancing the whoola whoola in Honolulu. Two buses with two GD Janets on its way to Valmontsky, but where is Tsar Valmont? Big chance Valmontsky palace is a Fata Morgana. Tsar Justinian never showed his roman nose, I guess he's feeling sick of eating to much key lime pie.
Ortino II without Melissa? Budgies hopping around. Everybody is running around to... I don't know where. Dearies, this is supposed to be an Imperial court......  We're Royals.....
Goodness gracious how do I explain all  this to Queen B ??  I really need to make reservations in a health resort.  :P

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on October 18, 2004, 10:11:18 PM
Dearies All,

First off, dear Tati, just stay put...I will send the limo to fetch you if Anna doesn't show up first...sorry that you are having such a bumpy time in the world of spies...but you are very plucky indeed! Anna will be a wonderful mentor to you if you can live through the training process!

And Janet, remember the racetrack at Tiajuana is where Marcela Z. met Charles Howard, so perhaps you will find someone who is dishy and RICH there...instead of your usual dishy but POOR type of guy...remember the old saying "It is as easy to love a rich man as a poor one"...my own dear mama made me repeat that each night along with my prayers as a little girl. Valmontsky construction workers will be a temptation, but please do remember who you are!

Second off, Tsar Doug really needs to have a better departure checklist when the ship is leaving! There I was in the ladies' loo, using the handblower to dry the hem of my sable coat, and when I returned to the dock, the Nahlin was barely a speck on the horizon...I could hear my dear doggie Ortino II barking on the deck, but alas no HUMAN on board noticed...or will, until they need someone to get the Empress another mocha latte or Tsar Doug a fresh supply of limes and icecubes and no on can scare up the help...was it just me, or did anyone else hear the ghostly barking of pugs below deck while the luggage was being loaded?

Thank you Anna dear for scaling the side of the Nahlin and getting my dear Ortino II back to me. I for one will stay on dry land, at that lovely hotel on Coronado Island, until the Imperial Party is safely back from Thailand. The nice people at the hotel have told me that as long as Ortino is on his Faberge leash and displaying his usual impeccable doggie manners, he is more than welcome in the Prince of Wales dining room at the hotel.

I hope that someone remembers to feed the birdies on the Nahlin...or Anna, did you rescue them too and send them on to the Crimea and safety?
\

I don't know about the rest of you Imperial Girls, but I for one could use a few days at the spa. We could think of it as an Imperial slumber party of sorts for us ladies! My galpal T. swears by botox, but I think I will settle for the manicure/pedicure/facial routine...royals never try too hard, yes? And our teeth are never bleached to the point they resemble chicklets or piano keys...ciao for now, GD Melissa & Ortino II (back where he belongs!)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 19, 2004, 12:41:19 AM
NAHLIN:  at sea.........rain soaked......no tranmissions by radio......storms.......taking on water......pumps going full speed.......headed south.........rain........heavy seas..........empress below decks, seasick..........more to follow..........."D"  Hawaii on the horizon .......maybe...not sure........captain says we're lost........

===========================================
NAHLIN:  at sea - day two........sunshine this morning......yacht  more stable.....having banana creme pie for breakfast.......checking  the  maps for logitude and latitude .......hoping to find land soon.....sea gulls swirling overhead ........the budgies in their cages trying to  dryout.......may break out the signal flags.....we see another yacht on the horizon......sending up smoke flares ........firing the cannon......maybe we'll have an on deck barbecue this afternoon......steaming full speed 10 degress south by south west........"D" .....[time for tea]  hope all the GD's are well......GD Melissa, GD Janet and , Anna and Valmontsky....do you read me?....try and send message.......over and out. Wishing you all were here with us................ can you hear this message?..... never buy a yacht made in the last century .......** end of transmission.........hearing "Radio Honolulu on AM"..........
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 19, 2004, 12:30:14 PM
NAHLIN:  at sea--day three.....ran out of fuel oil....most of antique furniture thrown into the engine firebox......bright sunshine in the afternoon......after lunch the crew staged a mutiny.....the captain, cook and shoeshine boy left in the longboat for an island  on the western horizon....map hard to read but may say "Pit___n" something, not sure.....dropped anchor in evening at north end of small atoll called Howland...went ashore & found an old airplane door with the word "Amelia" on the side.....probably doesn't mean anything.....headed back out to sea after dark....."D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 19, 2004, 03:57:12 PM
Goodness, Tsar Doug, everything but the Bermuda Triangle and the Loch Ness Monster.

As for yours very truly, like Grand Duchess Melissa I have decided to stick around the Hotel del Coronado for a bit. (Rumor has it that the Duke and Duchess of Windsor met on these very premises, tho' I would say it is just rumor.) But because I am strickly a GD/GP on a budget--and, alas, the proceeds from my Neptune Pool tip jar have run out--I have signed on with an all-girl band as their lead singer. So if you happen to drift to San Diego, you'll see all 6 feet of me poured into one of those diaphonous, skin-tight, spangly dresses, complete with a blonde wig (our leader, Sweet Sue, demands that we present ourselves as blondes) and singing classic little ditties such as "I Wanna Be Loved By You." All the girls seem very friendly, though I'm having second thoughts about that saxaphone player.

So alas for spa dreams, for I must be a working GD/GP. And likewise I'm afraid that I cannot, as yet, get down to the race track, tho' rumor does have it that Valmontsky is not so very far away from the ponies. I suppose I will just need to be patient until Uncle Val contacts me. Once, you know, I used to be his favorite niece . . .  :'(

Anyway, so glad to hear that Ortino II was rescued from the Nahlin. (Are people who sail on the Nahlin Nahlists? Just askin'  . . . ) But I'm not sure I'd take my chances with Tati, Anna and the budgies . . . airflight does put a crimp in my kokoshnik, and I'm not very fond of hanging upside down in trees.

As for Tsar Justinian, I suggest we issue an All Points Bulletin. I do hope Uncle Val and/or Tsar Doug refrained from doing anything nefarious.

Well, that's all for now . . . must ease my dainty little feet (remember, T.D.?) into those high heels I'm expected to strut around in.

Runnin' free, runnin' wild, I remain

The GD/GD Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 19, 2004, 06:22:18 PM
"Message in a ketchup bottle"

Dearies,

After rescuing Tati, Ortino II and the budgies, with da plane, I'm in big trouble myself. As spy I'm used to fly my own plane called "Princess Amalia", so we were on our way to Spa meeting Melissa. The budgies broke out of their cages because of Ortino's barking. Tati still suffering from her latest tree experience hung screaming around my neck and two budgies fluttered before my sunglasses....so I had a little  planecrash and two broken nails :-/

Luckily it was on the little atol "Howland" discoverd in 1625 by the famous Dutch captain Piet Hein, he became famous for conquering the Spanish silverfleet in 1628. I must say it felt quite safe to walk on private property. Sitting on the beach trying to dry our wet furs, Tati and I saw a little yacht on the horizon, whoopie!
There was a lot of singing, yelling and laughter on board of that yacht. We heard them sing..."16 courtiers on a sailor ship Yo Ho and a bottle of wine..."
Did they rescue us, no way ??? The bbq party on board went on, and we got the empty heinz bottles on the beach. Bye Bye boat and Dougie :'(

Tati and I listened to the showbiz news on the radio in our crashed plane, while eating some leftover blinis. They announced the GD Janet is playing in a girlsband and is friends with a saxophone player Josephine. I happened to know that isn't her real name, she's a he named Joe aka Junior. ( its good to be a spy). Junior is having a yacht too so please GD janet ask him to rescue us.
With messed up hair, dirty wet silk dresses, but eager to put Dougie dear's crown over his eyes when I meet him, we salut you. Hope we don't have to wait till friday when somebody shows up.

Anna 8) and Tati
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 19, 2004, 10:01:15 PM
NAHLIN:  at sea....day three.....all the furniture is gone,  now we are removing the paneling from the walls of the staterooms.....still keeping up steam.....Empress is in the galley cooking  some great meals with  food from the freezers.......I am steering the ship ....good to hear the GD Janet is happy in the all girl band, something kind of wild about that.....or is it Wilder?.....not sure......Anna: if you see a passing ship, send up a flare......just heard a radio report from New Caledonia......are we headed for OZ.......may have passed Hawaii yesterday......threw the Empress's jewel chest into the fire [hope she removed the jewels].......Anna:  keep you spirits up and be calm----help is on the way......"D"   :-/
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 20, 2004, 01:19:44 PM
Who says displaced royals can't earn their own living? (If we're well-balanced, that is, and I've been told that I certainly am.  :-* )  I'm having a grand ol' time here at the Hotel Del, singin' and swingin' with the all-girl band.  Lots of millionaires around, too, including one with a genuine yacht. He told me we could rescue you, Tsar Doug, if you are so inclined. I'm not sure about his navigational talents--in order to get out to the yacht the other evening, we had to go backwards in the motor boat--but I'm possitive we'd eventually find you.

Of course, all of us are waiting for Uncle Val to annouce his open palace party at Valmontsky. I'm sure it will be worth the wait.

In the meantime, all is very cool here in San Diego, tho' to be sure, some like it hot.   ;)

The GD/GP Janet
a.k.a. Career Girl
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 20, 2004, 01:51:21 PM
 NAHLIN  Oh yes, GD  Janet!  Please send the yacht right away.  We're down to the butcherblock and steering wheel......drifting slowly along.......seagulls screeching overhead.....sharks are circling.......we have our fishing lines over the side.......roasted a mock turtle last night.......a huge tanker passed yesterday but they only  dumped their  soil water on us........send the yacht right away.....will you be on it with your girlband?......."D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 20, 2004, 03:52:44 PM
NAHLIN   We have taken  to the five lifeboats as the Nahlin is too low in the water and I was afraid she  would sink at any moment.......please ask the rescue yacht to make full speed as our lifeboats are heavy laden with gold bars and many canvas sacks  of the Empress's jewels.....besides that I had to pack on the lifeboats my eighty- five official imperial uniforms and swords....... our co-ordinates on the globe are.....122 degress west -south-east of Java and 360 degress west of the moon and east of the sun...is that clear, as we forgot our compass and cell phone???...."D"...trying to have a barbecue onboard the lifeboat and boil water for tea time....the life of a Tsar is ever full of adventure.......if you smell our barbecue, that is the signal that we must be near.........over and out..........
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 20, 2004, 04:00:08 PM
So sorry, Tsar Doug . . . the girls and I were frolicking on the beach. One does become distracted.

Okay, Junior and I and The New Caledonia are ready to set sail . . . correction, set motor. Be on the lookout for a backwards yacht; if there's fog, just listen for the dulcet tones of Sweet Sue and her Society Syncopators.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 20, 2004, 07:31:03 PM
Onboard the Lifeboats  Thank you so much for the rescue....we were about to run out of caviar and filet mignon....being royal in a lifeboat is not easy....but it can be done......your band is wonderful and soothed our frayed nerves.....thanks for bringing the aloe for our sunburnt bodies.....BTW, where do you plan to take us?   Just wondering.  "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 20, 2004, 08:39:55 PM
Message in another heinz bottle

Dearies,

Yo Ho ....excuse me, what about us. Dougie dear I'm glad to hear over the radio you're sound and safe. You've been a pain in the neck but I can't live without you :-*
Why didn't you bother to come ashore on Howland, you must have seen us dancing the mazurka around the fire.
Please get us out of here, Tati is already thinking she's born on a friday and jumping from tree to tree, she wants me to call her Jane ::) The budgies settled themselves nicely in my balalaika and my fur is jumping around by itself because of sandfleas. But everything is okay do not worry about us.

I'm really a bit worried about our career girl GD Janet, royals can be so naïve in the real world. She's having that strange friend in the band Josephine,and she's quite upsy daisy about Junior and his yacht. Dearie don't you get it or better don't you see it. Nearly the same what happened with Irma La Douce, but that's another story.
If GD Janet can persuade Junior or whatever his/hers name is to rescue us with the yacht. I can explain everything about that saxophone player and I think someone is getting it very hot and leave straight home by train.

Building sandcastles while waiting......

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 20, 2004, 09:15:24 PM
Dearest  Anna:

We do most sincerely apologize.  We just got so wrapped up in ourselves being stranded in the middle of the great Pacific Ocean that  you and your situation on Howland Island just slipped our sunburned brains.  So Sorry. But you know how that sun can really get to you even when my valet is holding an umbrella overhead.  

Our entire suite is now onboard the yacht New Caledonia and GD Janet is in charge of us.  I will ask her at dinner time if she is in the mood to swing over to Howland and fetch you.  But you know how she can be.  I cannot guarantee that she will agree to change course and head your way.  Do have something of value that you can exchange for your rescue?  This may help persuade the GD to change course.  Don't be offend, as you know, there is a price for everything, even for royals.  Got to go to tea now.....keep your spirit up...you're doing a great job of being royal on Howland.  I send you a hug and kiss. "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on October 20, 2004, 09:36:32 PM
From the cage paper of HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI

DIARY ENTRY

Our sojourn on the island with our human and animal claimant friends has come to a suitable closure.  We are now on a Coast Guard cutter with our keeper and all those that accompanied us on the plane, including the heroic Anna and Tati.   It appears our keeper Sister E. was able to send out an SOS on her laptop computer to the Hermitage at Massandra and to the nearest outpost of the United States Coast Guard, who were able to zero in on our position thanks to the 'OnStar' function.   Every one of us is now high and dry.  All of us Imperial Budgies and Sister E. are feasting on vegetarian fare, and everyone else eats carnivorous fare.  The only problem is that the only ketchup allowed on US Government vessels is... horrors!  W Ketchup.  

From Guam a 727 will be flying Us to Australia, and our human claimant friends and their animal companions will head for Los Angeles, California.  From the great ancestral land of the Budgerigar (where the entire Imperial Budgerigar Court will make a state visit to Canberra and then return to Sydney), We will then fly to our beloved refuge in the Crimea and the Hermitage of At Least Three Saints With the Same Names as The Royal Martyrs.

Thank God!  DMITRI
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 20, 2004, 10:33:39 PM
Dearest Pravo:

Thank you so much for coming to the immediate rescue of our dear little Anna and Tati.  I have just informed the GD Janet that there is no need for us to motor backwards toward that desolate place called Howland Island.  Please arrange to have Anna's furs sprayed with anti-flea agent.

But right at this moment I am very concerned about the exact direction  that the GD Janet is steering this wayward yacht called New Caledonia.

I may have to use my two-way wristwatch radio to effect another rescue.  I will again ask the GD in a very cordial manner as to her voyaging plans for this evening.  "D" ....still wondering as to the whereabouts of  the captain of the NAHLIN...the yacht itself I have heard is now run aground just outside of Sydney Harbor near Bondi Beach.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 21, 2004, 05:12:53 PM
From the Captain's Cabin of The New Caledonia.

Tsar Doug, I have no idea about the Nahlin and its captain. However, I can tell you that a dear tipsy old gent who has been tangoing with Daphne told me The Old Caledonia went down during a wild party off Cape Hatteras.

Anyway, I am so glad that we do not have to sail backwards to Howland Island after all . . . bad form, you know.

Junior is really everything I've ever wanted in a man, i.e., rich. He does remind me so very much of one of the girls in the band--Josephine--but of course we all have our masculine/feminine sides.

Anyway, excuse my haste in scribbling this note, but Junior will be returning from the little boy's room any minute. In the meantime, as you may have noted, we are sailing back (or is that sailing backwards) to San Diego, and then I understand traveling by train to our next gig. That is, unless Uncle Val is ready for his open palace at Valmontsky. In that case, I am sure that Josephine, Daphne, Sweet Sue and all the others would love to come along and meet Grand Duchess Melissa, Tati, Spy/GD Anna, Ortino II, and of course the dear dear budgies. (I do hope I'm not leaving anyone out, but I've been drinking champagne and you know how those bubbles go to my frothy blonde head, tee hee.) Oh golly, I just remembered--Tsar Justinian. What ever happened to him? I do hope Justy can join us, since Junior has told me that he has an aversion to Daphne and Josephine and may not be able to tag along, either to Uncle Val's or on the train. Millionaires are strange like that, I suppose.

BTW, I can't imagine what Anna meant about Irma La Douce, but I do know that not only am I a most resourceful royal, but I have also never fudged on my exams or punched out media members.

The occasionally horizontal but always upright

GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 21, 2004, 07:42:52 PM
Greeting courtiers all:   After all the trails and tribulations the Empress has announced through her advisors that she no longer  enjoys the imperial and royal life, so she is moving back to the country to live on her estates.  [She actually is a peasant girl who climbed her way to the top and found it to be too much for her delicate constitution].  This leaves me without an empress.  My what a difference a day makes in royal circles.    "D"

8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on October 22, 2004, 01:18:00 PM
Note in diary:

Oh, how I wish I had waited for GD Melissa to pick me up in the limo. But, how do you say "no" to the boss. From a tree to a flea-infested island. At first, ever the optimist, I thought this would be quality bonding time with my mentor Master Spy Anna. However, she, in her annoyance with the Tsar (attempts to scratch that out as I realize if this fell into the wrong hands...), was very short with me.

As she ranted about the recent goings on - pies in faces, strandings here and there, I did gently suggest that perhaps GD Janet's allegiance to our Sovereign should be tested. The string of invectives that flung forth - well, let's just say, the trees started looking good again. At least I was away from the fleas!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 22, 2004, 03:33:13 PM
Perhaps it's my frothy blonde wig, or maybe it's those glasses and glasses of champagne, but even I (or should that be "we"?) am having a difficult time understanding the most recent posts.

For example . . . Tsar Doug, did you say that I have a new husband? Does that mean Junior and I were married at sea? Quite frankly, T.D., if that happened, I'm sure I don't remember it!  :-X

I would address the issue of trees versus fleas, but my head is beginning to hurt  :P . . .  more champagne, please!

The ever-so-tipsy

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 22, 2004, 04:29:11 PM
Dearies,

Pravo dearie, thanks so much for rescuing us, I could do with a little rest after this adventure, but I foresee new ones.
Tati my dearest I promiss you, when you're old and grey and look back on these happy days you'll be grateful spending them with me. :D.

Dougie dear, some like it hot and some have it not, so sorry to hear the Empress has left you :'( I know there's a discussion group for divorced royals, you must get her out of your system. Btw I'm having that same gracile figure as your ex, you know where to sent those beautiful gowns, I love that big white hat with feathers.
Oh, and on her dressing table there's a little box with some brooches ....maybe you could..... well you can't wear them.

No GD/Janet you're not married yet my dearie, only engaged to Joseph...sorry Junior.We have to make wedding arrangements. I would suggest Valmontsky palace, don't know if the  place is ready for the ceremony, but Macdonalds is a good alternative. The wedding banquet can be served on disposable dishes, so we don't have to do the washing-up,and the sooner we can have our feets of the floor.
There will be a great choir and balalaika orchestra, of course I shall play some of my greatest hits as a special gift to the wedding couple.
We musn't forget to make suitable table arangements (Dougie must not be seated next to cousin Wally, remember the last duel). ::)

GD Janet dearie you're quite sure about making this misstake....I mean... step? Well, Dougie dear will hand you over to the groom. Does the latter fit the traditional silver wedding robe?

Tati, Melissa and I will of course be your bridesmaids and some budgies on the veil and train gives a stunning effect.

Oh this all is sooo romantic ::) Someday my prince on his white horse will come.... ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 22, 2004, 06:31:08 PM
Tsar Doug, if I am to be married, shouldn't you hang around instead of toodling off to San Diego? Picture it: All 5 foot 4 inches of you giving away all 6 feet of lil' ol' me.

There's a problem, tho . . . I don't think Junior knows that I've been wearing a blonde wig all this time. So how do I inform him of this subterfuge? After all, he's been very upfront with me . . . no secrets whatsoever.

It is tough to have a bolter for a wife--er, ex-wife. But dear me, as a peasant girl, she should have been sturdy enough to take it all . . . perhaps even help found a dynasty. Which makes me wonder . . . were you really married, Tsar Doug? Or have you been married to a "Potemkin wife" all along?

The not-so-blonde-afterall

GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on October 23, 2004, 03:28:03 PM
Just to let you know.. Valtmontsky is finished and ready to receive you in a  Flamboyant open house.. Now, what color do you want the carpet to be??.. sugestions are very wellcome.
You do not need a map to get here. Just grab the first  cab that passes by, and ask the driver to take you to Valmontsky, It is the white palace  next to the race track.
Although  the palace is  finished, I would like  you to be here  a couple of days before the "Official" open house, first,  to have a great party  before the eyes of the world are set on us, and secound, because it would be some sort of "Rehearsal" and  we can smooth the edges before the Paparazzis get here.
You are all wellcome..

LET THE PARTY BEGIN !!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on October 23, 2004, 03:29:07 PM
GD / GP Janet... you are still my favorite niece... Don't you forget that....

Arturo Vega-Llausás
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 23, 2004, 06:50:08 PM
Huzzah, Uncle Val! So happy to know that I am still your favorite niece!  :-*

(BTW, how many nieces do you have?)

And now that Valmontsky is about ready to open . . . does that mean I can borrow it for my wedding?

The restored and hopeful

GD / GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 24, 2004, 04:37:07 PM
Attention All Royal Claimants (and shhh, we don't want Tsar Doug to hear this):

It would appear that our most royal Tsar D. has gone overboard, i.e., mental. Perhaps it was that fateful voyage of the Nahlin. Or possibly his consort leaving him. (And I'm beginning to wonder if that marriage was legal, anyway . . . note that he mentioned being married by an altered boy . . . )

This latest news about hobnobbing with Lillibet the Mechanic has me truly concerned . . . I don't know, perhaps he was hit over the head. Or are we living in a parallel universe . . . or perhaps I am the needy one?

Truly, I think not.

Not after going off the champagne, anywho.

Anyway, I cannot proceed with any nuptuals until T.D. is "in a better place."

Perhaps we need to send him to Biarritz or Casablanca to take the waters. Or maybe pick out a little cottage, just for him, until he shows signs of improvement. At any rate, I do not think he should be walking the streets, or even sailing about the harbor.

Feedback is appreciated.

The Concerned GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 24, 2004, 07:37:21 PM
Psst, Claimants, I think we need to think about setting up an intervention.

Cautiously yours,

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on October 25, 2004, 10:58:22 AM
GD/GP Janet:
   If you are truly concerned about the mental well-being of our sovereign, you might consider intervention along the lines of the chair and straps ala "The Madness of King George III". Those English - they really know how to deal with a king!!!
    Always eager to help...Tati
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 25, 2004, 11:39:32 AM
Tati, perhaps we can work out a game plan? Ah, but even with a game plan, we'll need to find the elusive Tsar Doug! Perhaps an APB?

Yours for the prevention of madness--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 25, 2004, 03:11:59 PM
Dearies,

Here we go again, The Madness of Tsar Doug..... his double personality is again peeping around the corner.
His last treatment didn't do him any good.  Sending him to Casablanca is too much of a risk..belly dancers, fata morgana's, no not a good idea, he must keep the brains cool. As time goes by, we girlies have to come up with something.
GD/Janet what about the wedding at Valmontsky, I expect you cancel the whole thing, due to the developments in our royal family.

All for one and one for all,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 25, 2004, 03:30:41 PM
Dearest Courtiers:  The best thing that you all can come up with at this point is an  apology for this very uncivil attack upon my  mental state which is  in complete remission and out to lunch.  As to my whereabouts...that is a state secret that only my valet and the captain of this yacht knowns. Please do not send any food to me as it is all being tested at this time.  Trick or Treat!  "D" 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 25, 2004, 04:25:10 PM
Sigh.............. :-/


Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 25, 2004, 04:47:25 PM
Dear Tsar Doug--

The wedding preparations are in full swing, the courtiers are amassing, Valmontsky is fabulous, and all we need is YOU. So, come out come out wherever you are, because it just won't be a royal wedding without your presence.  

The All-My-Happiness-Depends-On-You

GD/GP Janet   :-*

P.S. We have a tower suite waiting for you that I just know you'll adore.   :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 25, 2004, 06:24:17 PM
Dearet GD  Jane:  Thank you for your apology...now back to more important matters  like the Tower where I will be staying.  Let's hope it is not the Tower of Terror like the one I visited at Walt Disneyland.  Yikes, I wet my pants on that one...very embarrassing.  "D"

Hello: Anna.... I will not be wearing any costume for Holloween [an American festival].    My advisors say that I'm very scary enough in my Tsar regalia to cause any five year old to run  for his mommy without the candy.  "D" ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 25, 2004, 06:54:11 PM
Dearest Tsar Doug,

No need to bring an extra change of trousers. Just make your way over to Valmontsky, and please bring all your friends . . . your valet, your ship's captain, and most especially Lillibet the Mechanic. In fact, she will be Special Guest of Honor, how's that for hospitality?

A costume also is not necessary, since we admire you most in your epaulets, plus your Admiral's cap and any other Napoleonic accessories that you chose to wear. Be advised, however, that before entering Valmontsky you will be walking through a security turnstile, and probably that hand stuffed in your shirtfront will need to removed, if however briefly.

Mere procedure, Tsar Doug, mere procedure.

At any rate, your tower suite awaiteth, and we look forward to welcoming you, Lillibet, and all your other friends/entourage at your earliest possible convenience.  Until then, T.D., I remain--

The GD/GP "Big Nurse" Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 25, 2004, 06:59:35 PM
Dearies,

To become one happy family again I play my balalaika and dedicate this song to Tsar Doug ;)

Need you
Yeah
Tsar Doug, we need you so..ooo
We want you to know
That we're going to miss your laugh
The minute you walk out that door

(chorus)
So please don't go
Don't go..oooo
Don't go away
we're  begging you to stay

If you leave
At least in our lifetime
We've had one dream come true
We were blessed to be known
By someone as wonderful as you

(chorus)
Hey Hey Hey
Yeahh
Doug we need you so..ooo
We want you to know......

Hey Hey Hey
We need your laugh
We're down on our knees
Beggin' please, please, please
Don't go..ooo
Don't you hear us Doug
Please don't go

Don't leave us now
Oh no no no no
Please don't go

Anna 8) and the Sunshine Band


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 25, 2004, 07:06:22 PM
Second verse, same at the first . . .

[C'mon, ev-ree-body!]

The Musically Inclined GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 25, 2004, 08:01:09 PM
All of  the Crew here on the Britannia are singing Anna's new song. Good grief,  I hear it day and night.  I'm sure it is headed for the Top Ten this week on the jukebox I had installed in the crew's lounge..  Also I see a Grammy sitting on Anna's table at her palace.  I'm making a lot of money off that tune....and it all goes to  the Imperial Relief Fund for royals with no place to call home.  I plan a new Home for Royals in Kansas...to be called Dorothy's Place.

The former Queen of England, now engine mechanic and welder, will also be attending the festivities at Vals' place in Baja.  I'll make sure that she is not too oily  from her engine work and  that she is at least  [shhhh...sober].  "D"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 26, 2004, 12:44:23 PM
Top Secret  We have just dropped anchor at Easter Island.  What a strange wacko place.  There are lots of these weird statues standing around doing nothing.  But I have a great idea.  We are having them recarved in the facial likeness of the entire imperial court.  Now we can all be facing out to sea forever.  Cool idea, yes?  Even Ortino II will have his own little doggie statue........"D" ...always looking for fun things to do........ ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 26, 2004, 01:08:52 PM
Dear Fellow Claimants With Loving Hearts:

Please check all porphyria websites and then get back to me. We can, and we will, conquer this dread condition that is not only part of our heritage but has clearly taken over one of our own.  :'(

I understand hallucinations re: Easter Island are one of the symptoms.

The caring

GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 26, 2004, 02:07:07 PM
Easter Island  We're camped out here on the island.  Will someone please contact GD Janet and see if she wants her royal likeness to be forever enshrined on this desolate, lonely island in the middle of nowhere.  The sculpters are waiting.   We can't wait forever, you know.  We're down to last   statue to be updated.  If we  don't get an answer right away we'll just have to weigh anchor and move on.  This is a very important  matter and must be attended to.  "D" 8)....Elizabeth, our royal engineroom mechanic,  has the boilers up to full steam and she can't be made to wait much longer or we'll  blow a gasket.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 26, 2004, 02:29:46 PM
Sigh..............   :-/


GD/GP Janet  8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 26, 2004, 05:47:18 PM
 onboard Britannia....Well we've had to steam on.  I thought that GD Janet would like to be forever remembered on this fabulous Mount Rushmore of the south Pacific but she only sighed and made a face.  I was reminded that the World Press failed to show up for our Grande Unveiling of the Statues.  

I ask you, is this just another of my schemes to bring glory to the royals of Russia that has gone bad?  I'm beginning to wonder if my ideas need some revising.

Sailing along on smooth seas when all of a sudden POW...we were hit with a typhoon..........static...static.....static........May  have to send a radiogram to Anna and Tati for help......... :o
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 26, 2004, 06:23:50 PM
Why do I have the feeling Tsar Doug is operating from his bathtub?

Whatever the case, he's certainly King of  'de Nile.

Okay, stand by, fellow Claimants. I think this one's going to require more than one net.

Yours for Designer Straitjackets--

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 26, 2004, 07:35:48 PM
Sorry Dougie dear, this time you have to sink on your own, I don't like the thought of a wet petticoat again. Too busy with wedding preparations ( If there ever is one, no sign of Junior.... maybe he's gone with Daphne catching the high noon train. Do we ever get at Valmontsky, Tsar Valmont will we cobwebbed by now ::)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 26, 2004, 09:19:33 PM
Dearest Anna:  onboard the Britannia We just missed the typhoon and ...all is going well here on the yacht and our wonderful engineer Princess  Lillibet is doing her best to keep the engine running.  We're headed at full speed for the harbour of Tijuanna, Baja and the gala at Valmontsky Palace.  I'm taking a bath in the tub next to my cabin suite and the water is chock full of my rubber duckies and little boats.  I love those colorful beads of bath oil and I put them all in the water.  I wonder if GD Janet will be there for the grande eventski.  None have us have heard a word about Jr. in recent weeks....I wonder if they are still...you know what?  You know how it is with the GD Janet, we always wonder about her uprightness and horizontalness.  Remember when she tried that dreadful blonde wig?  Yikes, it almost caught fire from the candles on the cake.  Anyways, hope all is well with you in Tulipland and hope to see you at Valmontski for the event of the century........"D" 8)

PS:  That was a wonderful song you wrote.  We all cried when we sang it after dinner the other day.  No one was sure if it is a happy or sad song. The former Queen of England just loved it and tears ran down her  coal stained face. It was very moving. Are you related to Cole Porter?  We think of you night and day.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 27, 2004, 08:41:10 AM
Dougie dear,

My song is also a big hit in Tulipland it's heading the number one in the Popcharts :D QB loves it and Maxima sings it on her karaoke parties.
I think my family is related to Nat King Cole --fathers side. Tell you all about it at the wedding ball.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 27, 2004, 11:26:18 AM
I myself am related to Old King Cole. And a merry old soul was he, by the way.

Yes, it is amazing how a mere 19 candles can pose a threat to a blonde wig. Nonetheless, a similar event happened recently with Junior and myself, and you know what? He's fine with the wig--says it's rather exciting, in fact.  ;)  Ah, what relief . . .

Tsar Doug, you know how we affianced types are, but I do hope you will ask Princess Lillibet to wash up before the wedding. I understand she is a very huggy sort of person, and I simply cannot tolerate all that icky coal dust on my immaculate silver tissue dress.

And yes, I do remain both upright and horizontal, as becomes a soon-to-be bride.

The blushing

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 27, 2004, 01:49:49 PM
Honolulo Seems that we've been sidelined here at the Naval Station at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.  The Princess is out on the town with the engineroom crew to see the sights and have a pint or two with some sailors.  I am sure this goes back to her newlywed days with the Prince.  Yes, I will try and have Lillibet dusted off before we arrive at your wedding.  

GD Janet, you say nineten candles?  There must be something wrong with the math or am I missing something?

I just got word from Queen Anne of England that she is veddy bored with being the monarch and desires that I might become the King of England.  Can you imagine that...King and Tsar at the same time!  WOW, what a headline that will make.  Maybe I will at long last be on Nightline and the BBC.  "D"

Anna: Nate King Cole?  Are you sure about that dearest?  You're not from Indonesia are you or one of the other Dutch colonies ?? Anyway, it doesn't matter, we love you whatever your royal background is.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 27, 2004, 03:34:26 PM
Dearies,

Yep Dougie dear I'm quite sure, darling Mama prefered exotic royal dishes above the usual, alas dear Papa stayed behind to rule the colonie. So you can say I'm a royal soul-sister :D

Are you sure there's enough place on your head for 2 crowns, well sometimes you act double headed. Do we have to make two revérences or just a slap on the shoulder and please don't start to talk like having a hot potato in your mouth, stick with the rrrrrrusian accent.
Put op the kettle!!

Have to dash off, to sing my song at the royal disco tonight.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 27, 2004, 03:50:43 PM
Oh, how wonderful...I have a soul sister in WindmillLand.  What a delight.  Boy, do we have rhythm now.  Let's rock the night away.  Two crowns on my head?  Not quite sure I want to take on the added duties yet.  Have to think on it a bit.  First I'll take some accent lessons from Queen Anne.  As you know she is more royal than the former Queen herself.

Wearing my wooden shoes today........uuooo, ouch. ...not easy to dance in........"D"

8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 27, 2004, 05:40:23 PM
Dearest Courtiers & Grand Duchess Janet:  I hope you will forgive me as I got a little carried away in my last post.  When someone mentions rock & roll,  the feet start tapping and the blood starts to boil.  I try to be a dignified Tsar and maybe King but one has to have a little fun now and then.

Trying to be regal, royal and full of hauteur......your dwarflike Tsar.....Doug 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 27, 2004, 06:47:09 PM
No worries, Tsar Doug, it's easy to be carried away when you're 5 feet 4 inches tall. Consider the case of President James Madison; he was highly portable, especially when assisted by his Dolly.  

Now, as to those 19 candles . . . I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

(And let us not pursue the matter any further . . . remember, I'm 6 feet tall.  8) )

As for two crowns at once . . . perhaps you're going for stacking effect, to augment height, rather than using elevator shoes as does our friend in Korea?

Of course, there has been precedence--King James of England and Scotland, the same man but different Roman Numerals for each crown. However, since you are Tsar Doug I of Russia and would be King Doug I of the United Kingdom . . . well, I see no particular conflict. But are you sure Anne truly wishes to abdicate? Such matters should not be taken lightly. And how about Lillibet? Sometims I cannot but think she is simply playing at the simple life. Have you checked for reality TV cameras lately?

Now, as to those wooden clogs . . . I think you need to put on socks first, before you put on the shoes. Just a suggestion, mind you--being on the tall side, I personally prefer to dance barefoot.

Ready to rock and roll, I remain

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. To All Royal Claimants: Be sure to bring at least one net.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on October 27, 2004, 11:58:54 PM
Dearies All,

I went into down today to find out where GD Janet is registered...in order to buy a nifty gifty for the upcoming wedding...well, methinks she could have shown more imagination than POPULAR OUTFITTERS and THE FRANKLIN MINT STORE...but then, she has always been our "royal wild child"...

I am frankly confused that the Empress is gone and somehow Princess Lillibet (minus Prince Philip and her Kingdom) is now in the boiler room, steaming toward Tijuana...but, what cannot be cured must be endured!

The bridesmaid dresses are divine...who would of thought of strapless black spangled gowns with fishtail trains for an afternoon wedding? GD Janet is NEVER boring! Anna of course has wonderful sunglasses accented with lovely diamonds (no diamond chips for our girl) that go perfectly with the dress. We aren't carrying flowers, but instead beautiful gilded cages of singing budgies decorated with vines and flowers. And the Jimmy Choo shoes are to die for!!! Tati seems to have recovered from everything she recently endured and is back to her usual self.

If the dear Tsar D. doesn't snap out of it, we may have to find him a nice quiet farmhouse somewhere until this episode passes. I must admit the digital pics he sent of the carvings on Easter Island were stunning. I could even tell who was who, unlike some art shown at the Imperial Gallery adjoining the AP. By the by, has anyone seen Prince Platon, or is he THE LOST PRINCE?  caio for now from GD Melissa and Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 28, 2004, 01:34:46 PM
Dearest Courtiers:  Have left  Honolulu and am sailing directly for Baja, California but not in the Britannia.  Seems that our chief engineer Princess Liz did not order enough coal for the boilers and she is tied up at dock at Pearl Harbor.  

The Suite and I are sailing in the Star of India which left port in San Diego and met us in Hawaii.  For a sailing ship that is over one hundred years she makes good time and we'll be there for the wedding of the GD Janet...I hope.

And yes, GD Melissa, I know  where Prince Platon is and I even see him in the mirror in the morning when I freshen up.  But his exact whereabouts are a State Secret.

As for the future of the royal family of England, all of this will be made clear in the near future.  First we have to decide what to do with Camilla. Any suggestions?   *******"D" :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 28, 2004, 03:59:06 PM
Dearest Fellow Claimants:

Words cannot express just how exciting all of this is.

All the same, Grand Duchess Melissa, I need to confess: I lifted the idea for those strapless black spangled bridesmaid gowns, complete with the distinctive fishtail trains, from my favorite Field and Stream. Terribly outre, I suppose, but yes, I am the royal wild child, as you said, and must [sigh] live up to my reputation.

As for you, Tsar Doug, I implore you to steam back to Honolulu and untie the Princess Liz from the Pearl Harbor dock. I cannot begin my married life knowing that she is suffering from exposure, rope burns, and the occasional perched seagull.

I did ask Daphne and Josephine to be my bridesmaids. Daphne was most enthusiastic but Josephine kept demurring. Can't understand that girl sometimes. Perhaps fishtail trains are not her style.

Haven't heard from Uncle Val in quite some time and do hope he hasn't become a recluse. After all, the gala event is to take place in his fabulous new Valmontsky and we've already commenced decorating The Grand Reception Hall.

Oops! Speaking of the decorations, must run and purchase more crepe paper--

The artistically inclined

GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on October 28, 2004, 04:34:51 PM
Dearies,

The bridesmaid dresses are gorgeous,love the colour, but as they are strapless I've have to order a push-up bra in Paris, don't want to get the troubles Miss J.Jackson had :P Do we have a bachelor-party, I have the adress of the chippendales in my notebook, can be easily arranged. Wouldn't it be lovely if Ortino II carry the rings on a little silk cushion on his back :)

What makes me wonder is the coolness of the bride to be. No tears, no quarrels with Junior, no stress about gaining to much weight and doesn't fit into her dress, no doubts. As a bride you ought to faint at least twice a day being nervous. Why is GD/Janet so sure is it because of zzzzze money?

I have a suggestion for Dougie dear what to do whith Camilla. You could place her as a saleswoman in one of the giftshops near Buckingham or Windsor, selling mugs or teaspoons with your face on it.

Have to hurry, tonight another performance in Top of the Pops :)

Anna 8)



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 28, 2004, 07:13:46 PM
Just received a radiogram from Princess Elizabeth ...all is well and she was able to untie herself from the mast .  She then placed the captain under arrest and had him hauled off to the brig.  Our former engine mechanic and welder  Liz is washing up and preparing to helicopter over to the mainland and meet us at the dock in Baja.

As we docked at the Port of Ensenada the Gateway to the World there was no one to greet us except  Camilla.  She had taken the week off from her duties at the Royal Gift Shoppe outside of Buckingham Palace to join us royals for GD Janet's wedding to, I believe, someone named Jr. [?]  She brought with her  about ten thousand coffee mugs with the official portrait of GD Janet and JR. on the side.  Now what?*******"D" .....
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on October 29, 2004, 12:05:08 AM
Dearies All,

Well, I did see a weaterbeaten, chainsmoking dirtyblonde woman hauling a wicker basket full of mugs that had GD Janet & Jr. decals on them...as well as an armload of teatowels with the same motif. I just pretended I had a speck in my eye and could not see her. Diplomatic crisis averted.

Then I saw Mr. Dunne lurking behind a banana tree. Or was it a bird-of-paradise bush? Anyway, I simply walked up, told him that I never got over the pinkeye infection contracted while summering in Estonia, told him it was highly contagious and then cleverly rubbed my eye and then insisted on shaking his hand. He could not wait to run as fast as he could in the opposite direction. It was not kind of me, but I did need to make him go away and leave us alone. Of course I do not have "le pinkeye" but all is fair is love and war...and this wedding has a little bit of both!

Will Tsar Doug adjust to life on land? Time will tell.

Ortino is thrilled to be a ringbearer, we adore the bridesmaid dresses, and the royal wildchild is so calm. Like Anna, I wonder where the wedding nerves are? When I married the Baron Von K.  I was a nervous wreck from the time we started the prenupt arranging...until my first glass of champagne at the Wedding Breakfast. Has Anna rented the McDonalds just in case Uncle V. backs out on the reception? GD Janet has bought all the crepe paper from Tijuana to San Diego...and is still ordering it off e-Bay....caio for now, GD Melissa and Ortino II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on October 29, 2004, 02:34:54 PM
Okay, Tsar Doug, you're out of the Ortino-house for now, since Princess Lillibet is okay . . . but still no thanks to you, my fine friend!  >:(

As for Mr. Dunne, I do hope Valmontsky's bouncers will keep him away from our celebration. Really, such a dreadful man. One has the feeling he is trying to find our Achilles heels, and I don't know about the rest of you Claimants, but I have more than two.  ::)

Yes, my intended's name is Junior, and he is a man of mystery, but he also is a man of millions, i.e., $$$$, so what the hey! At any rate, my name and face are on the coffee mugs, plus I've spent all my ready dollars on crepe paper decor, so on with the nuptuals and full speed ahead, as Tsar Admiral Doug might say.

But where oh where is Uncle Val?

The avuncular dependant

GD/GD Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on October 29, 2004, 07:00:08 PM
We were held up by some Mexican banditos on the road from Ensenada to Tijuana.  All they wanted was some of our lobster, so we gave them that and our sugar cookies.  They were so happy and they even sang us some songs.  Mexico is a wonderful place.  Viva La Mexico!!!  They would really love our Anna's songs and her melodical  singing...just like a little bird.

So here we are waiting for everything to happen with GD Janet's wedding to Jr.  

I'm trying a new drink I just discovered called a Margarita.  Wow, what a punch!   These Mexicans here in Baja really know how to party.  

I'm considering purchasing the whole town  of Tijuana and calling it  Tsarskoe Selo de La Baja,  California.  

"D" El Toro .....having a great time on Avenue Revolucion right smack dab in the middle of Tijuana!  Ole....  :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 02, 2004, 03:04:53 PM
Dearest Courtiers:  Here we sit wondering about the price of cigars and how long we're going to stay here in Tijuana, Baja, Gateway to the World.

We sincerely pray that GD Janet has located a place for her wedding or that she issue new advisorials and plans.

If we do not hear from the GD by carrier pigeon, we'll
just have to decamp and sail on to other imperial business.

"D"......having another shot of tequilla and a new Cubana Cigar.  What a combination.

;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 02, 2004, 04:13:09 PM
Dearies,

Arriba arriba, with a sombrero on my head I finally entered the Gateway to the world for the most imperial wedding the world has ever seen (hope we're getting to see it)  And of course to promote my CD.
I've taken the guys of the Sunshine Band with me and Tati is my backgroundsinger, only she doesn't know yet.

When looking for our limo's, I met a very distinguished person who helped us with our luggage, he introduced himself as the Artful Dodger, so I invited him to be my escort. If Tsar Justinian ever shows his roman nose I won't vote for him.

Dougie dear, order another bottle of Teguilla, unroll the red carpet, La diva is on her way  ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 02, 2004, 06:54:04 PM
Fellow Claimants and Celebrants All:

It is with profound (sniff) sadness that I announce (sniff, sniff) the cancellation of my upcoming nuptuals.

Needless to say, this is a very difficult time, and so I hope you will respect my need for privacy as I temporarily withdraw from public life.

Adieu, adieu--

The Rudely Awakened GD/GD Janet  :'(


P.S. Would you marry a man who went only by Junior? :-/ Voted for someone for President that you wouldn't nominate for dogcatcher?  :-[ Made his income playing a female saxophone player?!  :P (And filled out a dress better than you, by the way?)  >:( Ah, the the ignominy of it all!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 04, 2004, 12:50:01 AM
Desert Inn - Las Vegas  We've just checked in the top floor of this infamous hotel.  It's the one where Howard Hughes spent some of his finest years  watching old films and eating the same exact meal every day.

We've had to do this to recover from the shock and rejoice at not being forever embarrassed by our dear Grand Duchess being wedded to a nobody named  "Jr.".

 With all of the windows blacked out and our cell phones turned off this is a great place to collect our imperial thoughts and look for that elusive Last Will and Testament of our  cousin H. H.

As our dear cousin the GD Janet withdraws from public life for a few hours and we spend a few moments of reflection, let all of the imperial courtiers know that ........there's a knock at the door...who could that be at this early hour of the morning?........are you serious.......Did you say that Anna is....... :o...and that  Tati will be,  where[?]....... ::)...........

Now, I've just received a coded message that the former Empress has checked into the famous Mt. Athos Monastery...I thought that was for men only and that no female has set foot inside the place in over nine hundred years....I knew she was Orthodox but I never knew she was that Orthodox...."D" .....wondering what's next 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 05, 2004, 04:31:00 PM
Dearies,

Dougie dear wrote:
As our dear cousin the GD Janet withdraws from public life for a few hours and we spend a few moments of reflection, let all of the imperial courtiers know that ........there's a knock at the door...who could that be at this early hour of the morning?........are you serious.......Did you say that Anna is....... ...and that  Tati will be,  where[?]....... ...........

Yep, you said it right Anna is robbed by The Artful Dodger  I didn't know he's a pickpocket. All luggage gone and maybe he took T.t (Tati too). The only thing left is the black strapless dress I'm wearing.
I really don't know what to do, I wanna go home :'( :'(
I'm fed up with sun, sand and sombrero's, no wedding, a heartbroken GD/Janet (she'll get over it soon).
We'll never make it to Valmontsky palace. I wanna go back to our Palace in Russia. :-/ I think I'm homesick, missing my balalaika, blinis and the budgies.
Dougie dear, please let's go back, order the Imperial train and bring us back home :'(

Anna  :'(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 05, 2004, 06:31:31 PM
 Dearest Anna.......onboard our brand new Imperial Boeing 747 - Long Reach plane headed across the Atlantic ocean & we  will  drop down to  AMS to pick you up.  Be sure to be standing on the tarmack with all of your luggage and suite.  Do you  mind bringing some chocoate and goodies for the trip on to St. Petersburg?  Just let us know how much  and I'll have some gold coins ready for you. Try and look your usual  wonderfulness.  Please do not come incognito like the last time.  

No train is available right now.  As you remember we had to leave our imperial train in California at the Railroad Museum.  Maybe we'll have another one made in Finland. What color should the new one be?

The GD Janet I understand has returned to public life but her exact whereabouts has yet to be disclosed to myself and the other royals.  I believe she fears for bill collectors about the botched wedding fiasco.

See you all soon in St. Petersburg....on our way back to Tsarskoe Selo and the evanescent  life we all love so much.

Oops, just spilled some hot chocolate ........this is a rather bumpy flight.

"D"  .....the usual churlish and bellicose Tsar of all the Russias and Moldavia......

 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 06, 2004, 02:15:02 PM
From An Anonymous Internet Cafe at an Anonymous Train Station

Dear Tsar Doug, Grand Duchess Anna, and all other Courtiers--

Fate has indeed dealt me a strange hand, but as my dear mama used to say, "When life gives you sturgeon, look for the caviar."

So here I am, on an unnamed train, in transit to a city which I cannot reveal, with an all-girl band which I cannot discuss. Why? The creditors, darlings, the creditors. After all, I hocked every last diamond and sapphire for those crepe paper decorations, which I hear Uncle Val's minions have resold to a certain Casa Blanca in Washington D.C.  Something about a party in January?  ???

At any rate darlings, I didn't see one kopek from the proceeds, and now must go back to singin' and swingin' with the all girl band--minus, of course, the nefarious Daphne and Josephine, who (as I understand it) have since joined a national touring company of Rasputin, The Musical.

Problem is, I've heard that a certain gentleman by the name of Spats thinks I'm harboring Josephine. As I'm six feet tall, it's getting rather difficult to elude Mr. Spats and his entourage, so if any of you out there can offer refuge--fortunately I've taken up yoga, so can accomodate myself to practically any space--please do let me know.

In the meantime, I know my cancelled nuptuals were of particular disappointment to Grand Duchess Anna, who was also distressed to find sand in her new push-up bra after a single day at the beach. Well, so sorry darlings to have cancelled the festivities, but as more than a few of you know  ;) divorces are quite costly, plus I heard that the dastardly Junior was not only looking forward to taking over my lovely villa and turning it into a Starbucks, but was sewing things up with the lawyers so that I wouldn't have yacht visitations.  

So here I am, a Grand Duchess/Grand Princess on the lam. Life is oh so very complicated, is it not, my darlings?

Oops, the whistle is blowing, so now must run--

The Incognito GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on November 06, 2004, 03:58:02 PM
Wait, I have been so busy working on the weding preparations, that I  just found out there will be no wedding?. I already paid for everything. What am I  to do with the  Bolshoi, they were scheduled to dance in the chapel while my niece was getting married.
Also, now I know what happened to the Papier mache decorations, that woman did mentioned  something about living in a white house, I do not recall her name, I think it was "Mrs. Plant" or something like "Mrs. Ornamental plant".. I don't remember

So, GD/GP Janet, you know  you can always run to poor old Uncle Valmont for  support.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Best regards,
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 07, 2004, 02:51:38 PM
Dear Uncle Val--

Yes, it's all true, and by the way, where the heck were you? Taking a siesta? Oh, Uncle Val. Tech tech tech.

At any rate, your madcap niece is definitely on the lam, though perhaps I can shake Mr. Spats & Co. and wend my way back to Valmontsky. That is, if you can offer me 24/7 protection. (And bear in mind that since I am six feet tall, I'd like bodyguards who are at least six feet tall as well, if you get my drift.  ;) )

Now, as for all those paper mache and crepe paper decorations: Yes, according to what my informants have told me, a rather disarming lady--Laura LaPlante, is that her name?!--purchased them all, then took off in something called Air Force One. The fiesta, as I understand, is this January, and I don't think we're invited. Very cheeky, if you ask me.

In the meantime, I haven't heard anything from Tsar Doug, Anna, or the rest of the crew. Fair-weather royals, if you ask me. But you, Uncle Val, are a real sport . . . as long as you can provide me with 24/7 protection, that is!

Oops, that's the whistle again--gotta run for my train. Good thing I'm wearing my yoga leotard and athletic shoes.

The Sprinting GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 07, 2004, 06:47:48 PM
St. Pertersburg International Airport just landed and motored over to the Winter Palace...am sending Anna on to Tsarskoe Selo to check on things there and make sure all is in order for our auspicious return to the Palace.  Not sure which one though.  There are so many Tsars now that I am wondering if there is room at the Alexander.

The GD Janet is on the lam....where?  no one knows but I suspect that she is on a shopping spree with the money given to her by Jr. as a good-bye and farewell gift.  I hear it is a lot of money and may be in the millions  of rupees and pesos.

Boarded up at the

Winter Palace waiting for Ann'a report  as to where  the suite can find lodgement in Tsarskoe Selo...."D" your semi-omnipotent Tsar........ ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 08, 2004, 05:58:42 PM
Anna's report:

Dearies,

Sorry for keeping you waiting, but checking a whole palace on your own isn't easy. The main entrance looks good only inside needs a bit of dusting. And as there are no servants at the moment, it is my job. Okay with a fabergé feather duster it can be done. I'd put on roller skates to go faster through all the halls, great fun in the semi-circular hall, round and round, it made me quite dizzy.
When I skated to our private rooms I nearly bumped on two ethiopians who blocked the door. They wouldn't let me enter because I didn't knew the password ???
Well Dougie dear that's just great you didn't told me that. They gave me two words from wich I had to choose the right one. I told them I couldn't decide and suddenly the doors swung open :o They told me the password was decide, because you could never make decisions :-/.
Well I put the budgies on the second floor these rooms are light and bright, some of the suit can stay there too.
Your imperial bedroom is on the first floor, all dust is gone but I had a little accident, I slamed the door a bit too hard and all the icons fell of the wall, sorry :-/ Oh.. I took a dip in the imperial bathtub, but please get rid of that brutal parrot constantly shouting--oh boy oh boy :P

The palace is ready so I sent the feldjager with a message to the Winter Palace. I the meantime I'll put the kettle on.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 08, 2004, 06:50:14 PM
Dear Uncle Val--

I'm so sorry, in order to make it back to the train I forgot to answer your question about that troup scheduled to dance in the chapel. But my dear uncle, there's barely enough room to be crying in the chapel, let alone dancing in it. So with all due respect, I must reply "Bolshoi!"

And I can't believe that Tsar Doug thinks Junior paid me off. My dear, it was I who returned the engagement ring (which was actually hollowed out and shot forth enough water to rival the fountains at Peterhof) and then said "Begone you scoundrel! And may I see your duplicitous face n'er again!" (I don't know if you were aware of this, but I'm a graduate of the Copacabana School of Dramatic Arts, aught-two.)

Forsooth, there's that darn whistle again. I hope my Adidas can stand up to all this running.

Yours for longer whistle stops--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 09, 2004, 12:46:16 AM
Just rec'd our dear Anna's note that all is in readiness in Tsarskoe Selo.  The note was written in reverse Italian so I had to find someone to translate it. You have to use a mirror and then one can read the words.  This is done so that certain gauche people cannot know our private business.  

When our suite and myself arrived at the gates of the palace in  Tsarskoe Selo no one there recognized me.  What a total embarrassment and a very unauspicious sign to say the least.

I immediately went to my luggage and  changed into my Tsar uniform of the Fourth Imperial Hessian Regimental Admirals of Moldavia.  The gates opened and we all waltzed in like we owned the place.

I immediately ordered for some refreshments but there were no servants to fetch them for us.  

Then Anna appeared  in the Grand Salon and showed us her Faberge duster. When I saw that I knew we were home at last.  "D"

PS:  I have changed the password  with the guards to 'password'.  No one will ever guess it.  That way when anyone wants to gain unauthorized entry into the palace they can't get in.  Remember, you can always depend on me for your safety here at the palace.  ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 14, 2004, 05:47:36 PM
Dearies,

So nice to be home again after so many adventures, but the palace is oh so quiet and dull. There's only me, Dougie dear and the suite. Out of complete boredom we organize roller skate competitions in the corridors of the palace and we played hide and seek in the Portrait Hall. Dougie dear, did you really thought you could hide yourself in the great chandelier? We even learned the parrot whistle the national anthem.
Tomorrow there will be an advertisment in the "Tsarkoe Daily" we're terrible in need of servants, can't do the cooking and the cleaning all by myself as Dougie dear is not much of a help. He broke half of granny's Catherine porcelain ::).
We heard very little from the GD/Janet, she's running around in yoga leotards and Adidas, we do hope she's jogging her way to the palace.

Have to put the kettle on again, our Tsar wants his tea.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: AnBhanfhaidh on November 15, 2004, 12:46:52 PM
(behind the hand, low whisper) Psst! GD/GP Janet:

I'm here. The 24/7 protection you asked for. How did I find you, you ask? Master Spy Anna taught me everything I know. A little deduction, a few bribes - not so hard to get the railroad schedule...especially with money.

Not exactly the over 6'' hunk you were looking for, I know. But, who better to fit in with an all girls band then...well...a girl. Do you think I will stand out playing the harp in my trenchcoat

In any case, I've got your back. You can rest easy now. (snicker)...Tati

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 15, 2004, 03:00:32 PM
Great Peter's Ghost, is that YOU, Tati?!

Y'know, when they told us our train was crossing over the border, I thought they meant Mexico, where Valmontsky is located.

Well how was I to know we were headed into Canada??    :'(

And now I'm trying to get back into the ol' U.S. of A., but the border guards won't let me. They say they need proof that I am who I say I am.  >:(

One of them said, "A Grand Duchess / Grand Princess would never talk like you."  >:(  >:(

Well, really, how the *$#@ do THEY know what a GD/GP would sound like?!

Another one said I could submit a blood sample for some DNA testing. My dear, do you know how LONG that takes?  :o  And I'll just bet they'd reject it if it came up positive!  :'(

So here I am, stuck in my leotard and Adidas (which, as you can imagine, didn't impress them either), hoping that one of the local thrift shops stocks army fatigues so I can slip across the border through this Canadian forest primeval.  :P

Yes, I know . . . The Girls In the Band will be heartbroken. But heck, Tsar Doug and Spy Anna are back home. And that's all a simple girl like me wants . . . to go home to Tara. Oops, wrong movie. I mean, there's no place like home . . . there's no place like home.

(Oh, darn, I WASN'T hit on head during a tornado after all. This is real.)  :o

Anyway, Tati, if you could just come out from behind that rubber plant, perhaps we could figure a way out of this mess.

By the way, got an extra trenchcoat and sunglasses?

The-eager-to-be-incognito

GP/GD Janet

P.S. You do play the harp divinely.


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 15, 2004, 03:17:35 PM
It is still rather pleasant weather here at Tsarskoe Selo.  We have no servants and most of our furniture was seized by the former Tsars and removed to their palaces in St. Petersburg.  For now we're making do with old milk cases and packing crates from the basement.  I bought some gold spray paint and painted a folding chair for the Imperial Throne.  We hung a line in the Music room to dry clothes and we cook our food on a grill outside near the lake.  Anna is doing  a great job keeping us all entertained with her roller skating parties but I must say that the floors will have to be redone.  Good to hear that GD Janet is well and trying to get back to the palace area here in Tsarskoe.  All the best to the courtiers......"D" :D

Having tea in paper cups  at the Alexander Palace as we broke too many of the ones send over from the Catherine Palace and they won't send us any more.  They told us that the old porcelain china is not dishwasher safe.  How was I to know?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 17, 2004, 02:11:38 PM
My dear Tsar Doug, there you are, settling into your palace and ruminating over paper cups and dishwashers, whereas here I am at the border, wondering how to get across without attracting the interest of the Feds. To complicate matters, it seems that a recent and monumental immigration to Canada has sharpened the teeth of U.S. officials, and now they are being very picky indeed as to whom they allow back in. I have remonstrated with them—time and time again, T.D.!—that I am merely a disenfranchised GD/GP wishing to make my way back to Baja California. Unfortunately, this has caused no lack of hilarity amongst the officials. I have the distinct feeling they do not know their altas from their bajas.

Anyway, you can imagine my feelings. Winter is coming on, and I am therefore, more than ever, intent on wintering at the warm and inviting Valmontsky. So none of your northern palaces for me, T.D.! Once I return to Valmontsky and my avuncular Uncle Val (my apologies, an oxymoron, but I’m shivering too much to correct anything at this point), I’m staying put for a good long while.

Unless, of course, you’ve a six-foot-plus Grand Duke you’d like me to meet.  ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on November 17, 2004, 09:58:26 PM
From the cage paper of HIH Cossack Baby:

Ever since we had to evacuate Tsarskoe Selo before the former Tsars took all the furniture away, and finally got back to the nice quiet Hermitage of at Least a Dozen Saints with the Same Names as the Royal Martyrs, our keeper has been trying to teach us to talk.  But we budgies have trouble with Church Slavonic.  We cannot pronounce the words 'Gospodi Pomilui'.  Lord have mercy.  And it is even worse for me.  Instead of learning proper tropars I cannot get that song by the Eurythmics out of my head:

'Would I lie to you?  Would I lie to you, honey?
Well I bet'cha five dollars that it isn't true....'

Tatiana Molly is a Smart-Sasha and says that I don't know the words.  She's probably right.  Who cares?  I'm still bored.  Dmitri Alexei Percival George is getting on my nerves insisting that nothing touch his immaculate white plumage.  It's tough being the littlest Great Keet around here.

HIH Cossack Baby.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 17, 2004, 10:55:04 PM
Dearest Courtiers and talking birds:

GD Janet: This is just a suggestion but you might consider taking a quick flight to Havana, Cuba...spend a few days there, have some Cuban Rum, smoke some cigars, play your sax for Fidel and relax.  Then catch the midnight Air Mexicana to Baja, Mexico. That way you can avoid all the mess of dealing with USA entry and all of that hoohaw.  Jolly well then, you can therefore be at Valmonstsky palace in  Tijuana - the New Capital of Mexico.  Just keep in mind that I now own the entire city [ except for the taco carts and the streets].  It seems that they are very touchy about selling their streets and calles to just anyone, even the Tsar of Moldavia and other places too many to list here.  Cheers and be on your way, dear....see you soon... "T.D."   8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 18, 2004, 03:52:42 PM
Dearies,

Now what's that, a nervous GD/Janet trying to get over the border, budgies feeling bored, a Tsar who don't know how to use pocelain china. Dearsky dearsky, as I told you guys before......If there's no one there in the neighbourhood... What you gonna do... call Anna :D

First: I'm having a special diplomatic passport, and the consul is an old friend of mine, tho I can't remember which one, the american or canadian, well the one who always called me mysty Anna -he never saw my eyes behind my sunglasses. I remember one day......oeps ..I drift away. Anyway one phonecall and the GD/Janet can come home.....poor girl all alone in her trenchcoat :-/
Second: The budgies must go to childrens Island or budgie Island if you like. They flit and float all day through the palace and the portraits are invisible of what they left behind :P
Third: Today the new servants arrived, so no more paper cups, shrunked petticoats ( really Dougie dear, you've washed them far too hot).

I'm so glad that I'm a woman (isn't that a song?) everything is solved and running smoothly. At least I hope so.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 19, 2004, 02:50:10 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

The Kremlin in Moscow is sending us some more tableware and glasses from their museum.  We are so sorry for the china breakage of the items from the Catherine Palace.  I had no idea that they were so valuable and antique...they all looked so new.  

Anna to the rescue.   What would we do without her excellant skills and getting things all organized.  But I must add that she hired some strange servants.  Some cannot speak any English and others claim to be college graduates.  They said they got their degrees 'online', whatever that means.  Oh well, at least we have someone to set up tables and dust around the place.

I hear that the Empress [ now a convent nun] desires to return to 'check out' what we're up to.  I wonder if she desires to reinstall herself herein.  

Hope to hear form GD Janet as soon as she figures out what her next move will be.  BTW, one of our new servants is over six feet tall  and rides our horses.  He even said he likes the wooden ones that go around in endless circles[?].

T. D. 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 21, 2004, 02:48:08 PM
My dear Spy Anna, you are truly amazing. A special diplomatic passport would be just the thing . . . and do I detect a bit of a “past” with that special counsel?  8) Well you must introduce me, and not just for the sake of the passport. For are you not my ersatz lady-in-waiting? And did not Catherine the Great give her own ladies-in-waiting a special diamond-encrusted brooch, in the shape of her very own first initial, for similar—ahem—social services? I must commission a diamond “J” or two (or perhaps three) immediately!

Now, Tsar Doug’s suggestion to fly to Cuba, smoke a few cigars with El Jefe and so forth does have its attractions. But T.D., how careless of you to remind me of Junior  :'( as he was the sax player . . . whereas I am just a poor six foot girl singer in a blonde wig, leotard, Adidas, and—most recently—a trench coat.  ;)

Yes, I most certainly do want to return to Valmonstsky—“south of the border, down Mexico way,” as that fine old song goes. Plus, you’ve given me an idea . . . being an independently minded GD/GP, I do want to earn my keep, especially since I like to keep the lights turned on all hours, and I have heard Uncle Val is very sensitive about his electricity bills and may insist on an early “lights out” every night. So, perhaps I could take on one of those franchise taco carts that you mentioned? I am sure that with my natural bonhomie I’d work the streets quite successfully  ;) and in doing so justify plugging in my collection of lava lamps while at the same mollifying dear Uncle Val, who is quite a sweetie but can show his cute little ol' curmudgeonly side at times.  ::)

Of course, I have considered visiting you at the palace. But my oh my, those budgies do seem rather restless, don't they. At the very least, I’d probably be forced to spend most of my waking hours singing Eurythmics songs. :P At the most . . . well, you have heard of a classic Alfred Hitchcock film starring a number of rather passive/aggressive avians, have you not?  :o

So yes, Spy Anna, send over the passport via that charming consul of yours. Oh, I forgot to ask . . . is he at least six feet tall?—Ah, no matter . . . we’ll work out our differences in no time flat, I am sure.  :-*

The diplomatically reclined

GD/GP Janet


P.S. Please verify that Tati and her harp will be allowed her own special diplomatic passport. She still hasn't come out from behind the rubber plant (methinks she's enjoying the role of Natasha Fatale way too much) but this Canadian winter is bound to flush her out at some point.

P.P.S. T.D., I must admit that your incidental mention of the new six foot servant/equestrian sounds mighty appealing. However, I'm not entirely sure that I'm into merry-go-rounds. Could you supply more information, please? And has Spy Anna had an audience with him yet?  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 22, 2004, 05:25:10 PM
Greetings Courtiers


Tsarskoe Selo, Alexander Palace

Message from the basement teletype room  

Things are slowing getting back to normal here.  Anna is trying to find us some decent food and a good Cuban chef as many of our new servants have come from Havana for a few months of work.

I guess I forgot that GD Janet is the lady singer in the band.  This seems to be the case as she knows a lot of lyrics and inserts them in to her messages.  "T.D." :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 23, 2004, 04:26:30 PM
Dearies,

Dear oh dear,  we had an alarming situation at the Palace today ??? Our electricity system broke down, no lights, no telephone no computers. Complete darkness, quite frightening. :o
Servants running everywhere and I couldn't find Tsar Doug. I found him in the basement teletype room, playing with electricity. He discoverd a knew way of sending messages, see his last post, and was busy to put a big neon sign on top of the roof, so our Palace bathed in light. Well it didn't work and causes all the trouble we had today. Our Cuban chef could fix the whole problem and Dougie dear sits sulking on his throne :-/

Back to the rescue of the GD/GP Janet.
GD/Janet dearie;  Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once!!!
Near the border - North by Northwest- a secret agent with a tulip on his hat will be waiting there for you. You have to wisper his name - Fanfan La Tulipe- and he will hand over all the documents you need on your journey. So sorry the man isn't six foot tall- I shall see what I can find ;)
Have a safe trip, we'll discuss my reward ( the diamond brooche) later :-*

For Tati I have this secret message;They seek her here, they seek her there.Those Russies seek her everywhere. Is she in heaven? Or is she in hell? I hope the elusive Tati is feeling well. On her rubber estate :-/ Passport is on its way dearie.

I think I've had it today, time to put the kettle on.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 23, 2004, 05:17:33 PM
Dearest Claimanats, and Especially Anna--

And where were you when the lights went out?   ;)  

So glad the teletype room is back in business, and how very alarming to think of T.D. sulking on his throne all day. The dear man must be kept busy.

As for Tati, I think she took off with that darned elusive Pimpernel.

As for me . . . Okay, I'm listening, Spy Anna . . . North by Northwest, a non-six-foot-tall secret agent with a tulip on his hat.  I whisper Fanfan La Tulipe, and he hands over all the documents.

This doesn't by any chance involve climbing over Mount Rushmore with a secret cache of microfilm, does it?  :o

As I consider changing into my mountain climbing gear and lederhosen, I remain--

The GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 23, 2004, 05:22:17 PM
Alexander's Palace


Hello Anna:  Glad you like the new neon signs I am placing on and around the palace.  This new idea of mine really lights up the old  place.  When I put those two wires together in the basement.....uh la la ...what a big and pretty spark they made.  Oh  how I love to make a big experiment! ;D    You know when you are the Tsar you can really have a lot of fun.  All for now dear ones.....Sparky the Electrical Tsar.. ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 24, 2004, 02:10:06 PM
T.D. a.k.a. Sparky, I believe that's ooo la la.

Obviously you'll need to spend a season at Monte Carlo to regain your French accent. Or perhaps an unexpected jolt of voltage shocked it right out of you? But now, with the Empress gone, you are certainly long overdue for an extended holiday with ballerinas, actresses, courtesans and other assorted pastries. So get thee to Monte, T.D.

In the meantime, I await my contact wearing the tulip on his hat. (It so reminds me of the days when dear Oscar would walk around, holding a lily, and framing poetry about moi. Ah, but that is another story . . . )

The Ever-Patient, Soon-to-be Émigré

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on November 24, 2004, 07:56:16 PM
My dear GD/GD Janet,I am sorry i had not had a chance to check  the form. You know how bussy you can get doing all the preparations for new Year's eve. You cannot  ever spend New Year's eve in outter space too many times. believe me I never get tired of it.. It is so funny with all that floating Champagne and everybody is trying to drink it with those cute little straws.
Well... now.. going back to your bussines.. How is it you are going to emigrate?.. where? If you want to spend  some time at Valmontsky, you know you can do it, just don't turn ALL the lights  on like the last time I complained about the electricity bill... you can be very "touchy' soetimes..
Let me know.. ok?
Best regards,
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on November 24, 2004, 10:27:32 PM
My Dear Uncle Val--

We must stop this talk about about outer space parties and champagne sipped from cute little straws. Remember, Uncle Val, you've only been joking. High time that I return to Valmonstsky and behave like the devoted niece that I am. And how's this: I promise I shall use only lampadas from now on. (Something that our friend, the high-tech Tsar Doug, could never do.) Just stay inside until I return, U.V.--don't answer the phone, doorbell or fax machine--and I assure you that all will be well.

And won't we have fun toasting the New Year in with lemonade and munching on darling little tea cookies!

Yours for sobriety

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 24, 2004, 11:32:51 PM
It looks like we are going to need a parapluie if the weather gets anymore temps variable in Tsarskoe Selo.  

Yes, GD Janet I did loose my French pronounce of  ooo. But I really said Hola, Ouf and Zut ! if you get my drift?  Those electrical connections in the basement are a bit tattered and frayed to say the least....snap, crackle and pop!  

Monte Carlo for the winter?  I would hope that  II fait du soleil and a bit tres chaud.

Anyways, merci beaucoup and Bonne thanksgiving day for all the courtiers, worldwide.  "Sparky the Electrified Tsar" ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on November 26, 2004, 05:59:57 PM
Dearies,

So the GD/GP Janet is spending new year's eve without la famille, malheureusement. Not at Tsarkoe? We're going to have lost of sparkles here. I'm holding my breath, when Dougie dear turns up with the firework. It's very silent in the basement these days, I don't trust it.  ::)
Still on your way to Valmontsky climbing over the mountains? Well remember what my niece the nun always sang:
Climb ev'ry mountain, surch high and low, follow ev'ry, highway, ev'ry path you know., say hello from me if you meet Heidi and Peter. ;)

Douglas ma cher ami, it's time you'll learn court language properly. I've hired a teacher; monsieur Sjilijard. First lesson starting tomorrow morning. Compris? And stay out of the basement

Time to open a bottle of bubbles.

Anna 8)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on November 27, 2004, 05:13:12 PM
The court electrician came and turned off my electrical experiment lab in the basement.  He thought that I might electrocute the cat by accident.  So I am off to my other hobbies and activities.  "T. D., the scientist  on the  hunt for new things to discover"  Merci, c'est gentil
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on December 02, 2004, 07:10:00 PM
Dearies All,

I am writing from a discreet clinic in Switzerland...after GD Janet's nonwedding and the events of 11/2, I decided it best to have a little rest cure. Wanted to be in better spirits for the winter season in dear Petersburg (the one in RUSSIA)...I intend to be back in my sweet Mauve Cottage next door to the AP in time for Christmas. I think we should start a Tsarkoe Selo Book Group. May I suggest that the first book be THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL by the Baroness O? If we like the first one, we can read the series. And no fair renting the videos or the movie versions instead of reading the book, you naughties! Think how fun it will be to chant the poem in unison at our book club meeting. Regards to all, GD Melissa and Ortino II & Zemira
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: KatieAnn on December 06, 2004, 05:56:37 AM
Dearest All

It has been a while since I posted, but my human friend, Katieann, has been out of the country on a state visit to Orlando and has just returned.  Her first question on returning home was about a party at Tsarskoe Selo - is there going to be one, when, and will a tiara and baubles be too formal?  Judging by the way her eyes focussed, unfocussed, and crossed it seemed to me that she'd already been in strict training for same.  As I write, she is hiccuping and dancing the Macarena.  Oh, believe me, British Airways has a lot to answer for!  My poor dear Katieann will be quite unable to talk to me about her visit to a place called "House of Mouse" (sounds most interesting to we cats); and about plans to depart on a laden-down Troika (cars are sooooo passe) to the airport for our flight to St Petersburg.  I only hope we have not missed all the Christmas festivities.

Please excuse the necessary briefness of this message to you all, but Katieann is now lying on the hall floor giggling and humming "God Save The Tsar", and I must get Nanny to attend to her while her face is still prettily pale rather than pale green.

Best meows (very quiet meows too) for the Festive Season.  Hope to see you all at the party.

Dinahlova

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: JD on December 06, 2004, 12:28:02 PM
Could someone explain to me what is going on here??
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on December 06, 2004, 05:30:28 PM
Quote
Could someone explain to me what is going on here??


JD dearie,

It's not so hard to explain, ít's about everything and nothing. Fortune and misfortune, crying and laughter, happiness and unhappiness. The rich and famous, the poor and unknown, the clever- and stupid ones, the beauties and the uglies. The royals and the servants, the Tsar an GD's, the cats and dogs. The truth and nonsense.

Briefly: The zany adventures of an Imperial family
appearing in serial form, but our family is planning to publish a book maybe next year.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on December 06, 2004, 08:00:02 PM
They seek her here
They seek her there
Those Claimants seek her everywhere.

Is she in Cuba, or Palace Valmontsky?
That demned elusive GD/GP.

;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on December 08, 2004, 01:29:15 PM
Sink me, the lady is a poet!

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on December 08, 2004, 04:07:04 PM
NAOTMAA dearie,

Who's Zemira, a knew court dog or your lady-in waiting?
The name sounds very oriental.
You like poetry, specially for you:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put Humpty together again

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on December 08, 2004, 06:22:26 PM
Tsars, Spies, Talking Birds, and Fellow Claimants All:

Haven’t a clue about Zemira (are you okay, Anna dear?!), but I can tell you about my own recent misadventures.  

If you’ll remember, in an attempt to clear the border from Canada to the United States, Spy Anna directed me to meet a man with a tulip on his hat. Well, I went to the designated area. Suddenly, a crop duster appeared in the sky. Very strange, because there were no crops . . . only Christmas trees. Although Christmas trees are a type of crop, are they not, especially at this time of year, and quite lucrative too, from what I've heard . . . but ah, I digress.  :-/

At any rate, it turned out that the crop duster was interested in dusting not crops, but yours very truly. So I dashed into a pine forest and started running. I ran and I ran and I ran. Right past Mount Rushmore and down through Kansas, where I evaded a tornado with two men in a row boat and a rather suspicious old maid bicyclist who turned into a cackling witch. But as interesting as all this was, no side trips for me, no siree! Not even beyond the moon or stars. Because, you see, I was on a mission . . . to return to my Uncle Valmont’s new palace, south of the border, down Mexico Way.

So I kept running and running—I even smacked into a fellow called Forrest at one point—and for a brief time hitched a ride on the Atchinson, Topeka and the Santa Fe. (They really liked the song I made up, in extemporaneous fashion, about their railroad line, and subsequently gave me free fare.) Finally I arrived at a big line in the desert. But realizing the difficulties in crossing the border, I decided to rely on a different method. So, clicking my rather worn Adidas three times I said--in a beautifully dramatic fashion that all of you would have admired--“There’s no place like Valmontsky. There’s no place like Valmontsky.” And then, from out of nowhere, came all this sparkly fairy dust, some harp music, and . . . there I was, smack dab in the middle of Havana!

:o

Well, you just can’t expect real life to be like the movies.

Fortunately, at that point a rather elderly bearded man in military fatigues walked by, then tripped and fell. But before you think me cruel and unfeeling, let me hasten to say that this gentleman just happened to be someone that everyone calls “El Jefe.” :D  Yes, the very same!  And not only was he eternally grateful to me for picking him up off the pavement, but when he heard my tale of woe about how Junior the Cross-Dressing Saxophonist left me at the altar, he commismerated and told me he would do his best to see me safely back to Valmontsky.

Alas, however, Uncle Val has been impervious to my amigo nuevo's pleas that I be allowed into the palace. So here I am, pushing a handcart and selling . . . Cuban cigars!

That’s right, Tio Fidel gave me an entire truckload as a consolation gift!  So, who says we claimants are a helpless group? Sure, I haven’t yet made it inside Valmonstsky. But, as little Miss Shirley Temple once said, “I’m very self-reliant.” So until Uncle Val sees fit to admit me, I’m having a darn fine time and attracting loads of press. After all, just how many six foot GD/GPs does one see pushing a handcart? My agent, in fact, tells me I’m a shoo-in to entertain at the Superbowl half-time show this January. And in my newly-laundered leotard, retreaded Adidas and fabulous GD/GP tiara, singing my heart out as I did with Sweet Sue's All-Girl Band, I have no doubt that stardom is just around the corner!

Your running, singing, handcart pushing, I’m-ready-for-my-closeup

GD/GP Janet


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on December 19, 2004, 09:43:09 PM
Dearies All, and Anna in Particular<

Zemira is my darling new greyhound puppy. Of course Ortino is not fond of his new little doggie sister, but I am sure once he stops hating her, he will love her.

I did love Anna's poem. Maybe she could do one about Prince Charles (or was that about him, Anna dear?)...

Still working like mad to get all the Christmas preparations done in dear Tsarkoe Selo. Are you all drinking eggnog and singing carols? Caio for now, GD Melissa and Ortino II and Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on December 20, 2004, 11:10:12 AM
Ah, that Zemira.  But of course!

My profuse apologies to Spy Anna and Grand Duchess Melissa. I suppose I've been smoking too many Cuban cigars.

You see, it's very hot out here, pushing that handcart around Valmonstsky all day. So of course, one of my few pleasures is sitting down in the shade of the towering Valmonstsky walls and having myself a little smoke now and then. That, and joining the occasional conga line, occupies my days until Uncle Val sees fit to let me in.  

In the meantime I just keep repeating, "There's no place like home . . . there's no place like home . . . "

The GD/GP Janet and Toto II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on December 20, 2004, 01:22:35 PM
Hello dearest courtiers and other up and coming royals:

Good to hear that GD Janet is keeping busy at Valmonski but please hope she does not overdo it with the strong cigars given to her by Fidel [El Jefe].  Usually I keep a little pair of silver scissors nearby on my table to cut the end  off and save the rest for after dinner.  I also am informed that she is sending me my royalties on the pushcart.  My court appointed accountant says that I am due about 1/2 centavo per taco.  You know how it is, a ha penny here and a ha penny there adds up to real money.

Here at the Alexander  palace we have placed a single white candle in each window [ this adds up to around 200 candles].  At night the sight is wonderful and a delight for all of  the dear people of Tsarskoeselo to enjoy at night.  This Christmas will be a real   Buena Noche for sure.

Hope that our spy and royal watcher Anna is well at her great place in the land of windmills, tulips, and christmas trees.  

We wish you all a very merry Christmas and happy new year....... T. Douglas and the imperial scion, Prince Orloff. :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on December 20, 2004, 03:00:35 PM
Dearest Tsar Doug and Other Claimants:

Oh my goodness me, you mean one is not supposed to smoke the entire cigar at one sitting?  :P

Also, I'm a bit preturbed to find out that my ha'pennies are going to your excessive use of candles.  >:(  Haven't you ever heard of economy, Tsar D.?

And I have no idea who this Prince Orloff fellow is. Am I supporting him with my taco and cigar pushcart as well?!    >:(  >:(

In the meantime, Uncle Val has made himself scarce. Won't come out of his ivory tower. And here comes Christmas and Kwanza and everything else, and in the meantime my only fun is an occasional conga line!  :'(

Ah well, there IS my upcoming engagement at the Super Bowl halftime show. Whenever I have a moment I'm stitching together my very special costume for that great event.

Okay, must fly . . . the taco stove is heating up again, so must move the cigar humidor to the bottom shelf of the pushcart.

Your favorite royal career girl--

The GD/GP Janet (and Toto II)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on December 20, 2004, 07:04:57 PM
My Dearies,

It's twelve o'clock after midnight and all is well here in Tulipland. I'm sitting here quietly in the dark, smoking a cigarette in an elegant cigarette holder (Fabergé of course) no sigars for me. Candles flickering, little lights everywere, servants downstairs round their Christmas tree. Well I'm driving home for Christmas, ho ho ho, Tsarskoe, tomorrow I will go.
I'll bring my balalaika and a little present for Melissa dearie, a few of my poems...I shall recite them when we're together :D
GD/GP Janet quit smoking cigars my dear, klick your highheels and repeat .....there's no place like home....and take Toto II (hope it's not something indefinable) back to court. Do bring that selfmade costume with you, comes in handy for the Christmas market or the play we do every year. You can't miss the palace, T.D put a new neon sign.......Felice Navidad....on top of the roof, its not Russian who cares, our cook is Cuban.

Dougie dear, who's prince Orloff? The fat one who played Santa? I thought his sledge with the reindeers got out of control before the palace last year. Wasn't he seen in Siberia a few weeks later? Now don't forget the tree and of course the presents. All I want for Christmas........anything that glitter....(hint).

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on December 22, 2004, 06:10:25 PM
Tsarskoe Selo  Christmas Time 2004----

I had no idea that GD Janet was also selling Cubanna  cigars from her pushcart outside of Valmontsky Palace.  I wonder: is that legal?  If not please be sure and fly the flag of Cuba somewhere on the cart, as El Jefe is concerned about his image as quality cigar supplier to the world [ except of course the USA, which forbids them entry].  Please, Anna be careful about the African cigarettes you enjoy.  I hear they can cause one to dream the dreams of wonderland.  Good that you will be coming to celebrate the Yuletide with all of us here at the palace.  Your music is wonderful and we love it dearly.  The Dowager Empress, who is ill, loves to hear your melodies floating to her rooms down the hall.  All the best to GD Melissa on this eve of the Holiday Season.  Ooops, here comes the Imperial Post with greeting from Siberia and the dear ones lost in that vast land of snow and ice. As for Prince Orloff....he is our dear son and heir to the throne of Moldavia, Transylvania and Germania.   On occasion we have to hide him away as he loves to pinch the ladies here and there.  We are all having Eggnog but we always have to pure and plain, as I have decreed a new season of sobriety for one and all in the empire.  All for now.....T. Doug and the imperials.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on December 22, 2004, 07:15:34 PM
Dougie dear,

Ooh, now I understand the light feeling in my head, and seeing the world as through pink sunglasses ::) Yep, Morocco import, fields full of it. Have to change brand or just quit smoking.

Orloff, he isn't a bastard is he? I thought you had another son as well, can't remember his name. Well, if Orloff is heir of Transylvania, please make sure he's visiting a dentist. When I dance with him at the Christmas ball, I do not like the idea of getting two little wholes in my neck, it makes me look soooo pale.

Before I leave to Tsarskoe I'll consult my dear friend Professor Abronsius, we can't take any risks if y'know what I mean.

Have to go to the market, buying garlic and some other things.

Anna 8)



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on December 29, 2004, 04:01:50 PM
Dearies All,

Am I the only just the tiniest bit disapointed that Tsar Doug's present to each of us courtiers was the "sleep mask/socks" packet that British Airways hands out in Tourist Class seating?

Anna dear, are you dancing through the white tulips and humming "Jingle Bells"?

Is there any possibility of luring back GD Janet into royal life now that she has tasted the freedom of supporting herself out there in the big old world? It would be so nice to have her back with us at the Grand New Year's Ball at dear Tsarkoe Selo...

With thoughts of Crimea in my head, and swearing off the eggnog on that account...

Happy New Year, dearies & ciao for now, GD Melissa and Ortino II and Zemira II

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on December 29, 2004, 05:25:09 PM
NAOTMAA dearie,

I'm humming....all the jingles and tralalala's I know. Unfortunately not dancing through white tulips, but white garlic. I have to protect you my dearies and myself for the heir of Transylvania, Prince Orloff at the Grand New Year's Ball.... jingle a bell? As the clock strikes twelve :o Look at your dancing partner in the big mirrors on the walls of the ballroom, If you see his reflection it's okay, if you don't..............

Anna
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on December 30, 2004, 01:36:04 PM
Fellow Claimants All:

Although quite content here in the streets of Tijuana, peddling my tamales and El Jefe cigars, the clarion call of New Year’s Eve at dear old Tsarkoe tempts me, so I do forthwith accept your invitation.   :D

Of course, the prospect of meeting a Transylvanian prince also has its attractions. I wonder, will it be love at first bite—er, sight?  :-*

So hang on Tsar Doug, Grand Duchess Melissa, Spy Anna and all the talking budgies, I’m on my way for a bit of auld lang syne. (And perhaps sometime tomorrow we can decode that song first, before we sing it?!)  ???

In the meantime, prospero ano y felicidad en 2005, mis amigos y amigas--

The Off With the Old, On With the New
GD/GP Janet, and Toto II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on December 30, 2004, 06:30:58 PM
Dearest Courtiers of the Imperial Court...Tsarskoe Selo -  our little village.....looking forward to seeing all of you here for New Years cheer, Anna's music and we hope for a few of GD Janet's cigars and tacos.   I'll have our Cuban chef stir up some salsa for our feast Mexicanna. ...all for now...T. Doug 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on December 30, 2004, 09:59:03 PM
WE, HIM-ically Perchedness ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, along with HIM the Empress Alexis-Carolina, HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri, ALL the Great Keets (Galahad, Gawain, Lancelot, Gareth, Nicholas and the one and only Cossack Baby), and the Grand Budgiesses Tatiana Molly and Alexandra Maggie hope OUR non-Russian or otherwise non-Eastern Orthodox friends throughout OUR empire have had a Merry Christmas or a Happy Hanukkah, and by OUR Birdly Decree wish everyone a Happy New Year -- S'Novom Godom!

:D  
Title: )Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on December 30, 2004, 10:42:37 PM
That's tamales, Tsar D., not tacos. Tacos simply would not travel very well all the way from Tijuana to Tsarkoe.

BTW, I'm looking forward to your famous borscht and blinis platter. In fact, already I'm making like one of Pavlov's dogs.  :P

Oops, better go. I'm on Aeroflot standby.

The GD/GP Janet (and Toto 2)

(Hmmm . . . I wonder if the budgies like cigars . . . . )  ???
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on December 31, 2004, 08:28:51 PM
Good grief, when our dear GD Janet arrived here at the palace I had to get the butler to give her an armchair as she was fainting  for  the blinis and  caviar.  She is fine now that she has lit up a huge cigar and changed into her new costume for the party.  She sort of looks like a character from a Fellini film...most  wonderful. ::)

Dear spy Anna arrived in a sleigh drawn by three whites stallions that were covered with bells.  Such a racket and noise...we all loved it.  She  has her music with her and is playing for the servants in the attic.  They think she is an enchanted one from the deep forest.

GD Melissa is with the hall porters having some schnaps and here comes a huge caldron of tamales that GD Janet brought all the way from her stand in Tijuana, Baja, Mexico, the new capital of the western world and fun city.  Cheerio dear ones all........T.   Doug ;D

PS:  All our best to the talking birdies that fly from room to room.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 02, 2005, 01:15:45 PM
We all woke up this morning to discover that the drawing room  ceiling was dripping a little bit of water.  But no problem as we had the footmen erect a huge tent inside the room and all is fine now.  It is sort of like camping outside-inside.   ::)  The whole of the palace is festive and filled with the talking birdies.  We're even thinking of having tents in all the rooms and staging a huge overnight pajama party for the courtiers.  All are welcome to come in your night clothes and we'll bring in the New Year week  in a new style.  T. Doug :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 02, 2005, 05:44:38 PM
Attn: All Claimants Not At Tsarkoe

My darlings, such larks we are having here inside our in-palace tent! Picnic baskets full of blinis, tamales, and individual servings of Tsar Doug's famous borscht, plus samovars a-plenty!  Earlier today the sun came out, sparkling on the snow, so we all piled into Spy Anna's troika drawn by those three white stallions and drove about the neighborhood singing "Somewhere My Love" at the top of our lungs. Oh, it was glorious! (Though we did notice many of our neighbors shouting "Amerikanskis" and shaking their fists. Wonder what they meant by that . . .  ??? )

I'm also pleased to note that the budgies have become quite adept at smoking cigars, tho' it is bringing their dulcet tones down an octave or two. Grand Duchess Melissa's Orinto II and my Toto II have become great pals, and the pajama party for our courtiers is turning into one big jolly good pillow fight. So, if you should join us, BYOP (Bring Your Own Pillow), and also we could use some more graham crackers, some more marshmellows, and some more chocolate for (all together now) MORE S'MORES!  ;D  ;D  ;D

The Celebratory and Slightly Tipsy GD/GP Janet + Toto 2

P.S. Re: my appearance--Oh, our naughty T.D. But of course, he's right . . . I do resemble that statuesque blonde in the black, low cut evening gown who appears in so many of dear dear Signor Fellini's cinema extravaganas. So . . . ciao, babies, e buena fortuna!  8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on January 02, 2005, 06:47:32 PM
How to Smoke a Cigar Like a Budgerigar in Attendance Upon A Parakeet Tsar:  a lecture by HIH the Great Keet GARETH ALEXANDER -- as demonstrated by TIH's the Great Keets GALAHAD VLADIMIR and GAWAIN VASSILI.


Warning:  Little Budgerigareviches and Little Great Keets just past fledgling age are prohibited by law from attempting this particular stunt.  Smoking cigars is also rather un-henlike for Parakeet Empresses and Grand Budgiesses of any age... the famous celebrity Budgies Hennie Oakley and Sonja Hennie notwithstanding....

An interruption by HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI ALEXEI and TIH the Great Keets NICHOLAS TIKHON and (gasp!) COSSACK BABY:  Look what we found!

(The noble little birdies are chewing on the unlit end of an exquisite Cuban cigar soaked in the finest rum -- the technique perfected by their elders.)

HIH the Great Keet GARETH ALEXANDER:  Now, now, little fledglings.  Remember what happened to St. Alexei when he....

TIH's:  But that was champagne!  Remember?

(At this point HIH DMITRI starts flying elegantly through the smoke rings produced by HIH the Great Keet GALAHAD VLADIMIR - the only parakeet ever known to accomplish this daring stunt - and is followed by the ever daring HIH COSSACK BABY as HIH NICHOLAS-TIKHON looks on.)

HIH GARETH ALEXANDER has decided to postpone instructions in how a budgerigar might smoke a cigar due to his fear that other fledglings and even hatchlings might become corrupted by this luxurious Cuban delicacy.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on January 03, 2005, 03:52:47 PM
Dearies,

Glad our gathering for the holidays was a success. Good to be together again :) It gave me a feeling of a Pow Wow, dancing and singing around a big bonfire in the garden of the Palace. Still, I must say I thought it rather odd Prince Orloff only attended the festivities at night.

The trip in my troika was lovely - one moment I thought I was the snowqueen (well one with a brown complexion, but al the same I was as cold as ice). Only too bad the paparazzi spoiled it, I quess one of these days our photo wil be on the cover of the Tsarskoe Daily a group of singing and shouting Royals in a troika. I can imagine what our neighbours will say: Look at them, nice bunch of aristoc(r)ats :o

The pajama party was wonderful. Dougie dear, I loved your pajama with the little soldiers on it, and Pravoslavnaya dearie, where did you get that adorable nightie with the little birdies and wings?
GD/GP Janet you looked devastated in black lace, but I do not understand why you insisted on dancing in the Palace fountain it was frozen and the temperature sixteen below zero ::) You naughty party girl.
I, of course was completely in style, white negligé trimmed with fur.

The Lord Chamberlain is announcing the pillow fight, so I'll be off.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 03, 2005, 05:31:53 PM
Spy Anna, now you know why they call me the IGP/IGD (Ice Grand Princess/Ice Grand Duchess) . . . and where, of course, I get my glacial good looks!  ;)   We'll let the Italian claimants dance in mere water; I for one have found a nice icey fountain most (em)bracing!

I do fear that I may have taken the cigar thing a bit too far with those budgies.  :o  I was once an extra on the set of The Birds, and believe me, you just can't underestimate the capabilities of our avian friends.

Since I am more a creature of the day I have missed seeing Prince Orloff. I understand he is a most toothsome fellow and do hope I will see him before our holiday is over. Perhaps another bonfire?

Okay, must return to the pillowfight. Mine is filled with goosefeathers, made especially for our dear silly goose Tsar Doug. Make ready to aim your video cams, because I really mean to wallop him!

The Frolicking GD/GP and Toto 2
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on January 03, 2005, 06:18:01 PM
IGP/IGD  Janet dearie,


No no use the pillows with sssswanfeathers my dear, bella to look at and much more dolce to fling with.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on January 03, 2005, 06:46:26 PM
My dear Anna --

Thank you for the compliment!  My brother runs a boutique known as the Stratospherian Homesick Avian and it always has in stock these 'Industrial Strength Flannel Nighties' especially made for soirees like this one.  

BTW:  the Imperial Flocksters themselves would like to use soap bubbles on each other instead of feather pillows, feeling that to employ pillows would be akin to cannibalism on their part.  

Dmitri Alexei Percival George, that is quite enough.  Be a good little Budgerigarevich and come here away from those marbles this instant!  They belong to His Majesty.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 05, 2005, 01:21:10 PM
Claimants Throughout the World:

In deference to the budgies we were all persuaded to switch from feathers to soap bubbles. Alas, soon after I decided to take a quick spin in Spy Anna's troika, whereupon a few soap bubbles went up my nose and into my eyes, whereupon there resulted a crash into a snowbank.

Not to worry--the three white stallions are fine and just as sassy as ever--but yours truly and Toto II are currently recuperating in the Tsarkoe Infirmary. So, you may send your get-well messages care of this Claimant thread, and I am also accepting fruit baskets and candygrams. No floral arrangements, please: Toto II has allergies.

The Suddenly Sedentary GD/GP Janet and You Know Who
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on January 05, 2005, 05:05:10 PM
GD/GP Janet dearie,

Girlie, you're not exactly a fortune cookie :-/ I hope you're not hurt too bad. We don't have to ask in which part of the Palace you are recovering, occasionally we see soap bubbles floating out of your room into the corridor.
I sent a handsome cossack to sit with you at your bedside and hold your hand. Tonight I will come and visit you, I've planned a lovely evening to take your mind of this terrible accident, I'm going to recite all my poems and sing all my songs accompanied by balalakai.
Now don't you say I don't have to, I know you're fond of my performances. So that's settled :D
Dearie you know I'm sooo worried about you, but.... can we discuss between songs, how'bout insurance... I've suffered too y'know my beautiful troika, nothing left of it only a little bell :'(
Well dearie see you after supper, be in a good mood and get well soon :-*

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 07, 2005, 04:39:40 PM
Yes, I know, Spy Anna. I'm not much of a fortune cookie at all.  :'(

Some people call me a Drama Queen--which is actually rather upscale form my true GD/GP status--but really, I just consider myself a Drama Magnet.  ;)

Now, as for the damages: I am so very sorry about your troika, dear Anna.  I shall arrange, from the proceeds of my cigars and tamales, to have a replacement sent over, and then we will attach the little bell and ring it in honor of troikas past.

As for my own injuries, I'm not too badly hurt, and thanks for asking. Regarding that handsome Cossack you sent over earlier this week? Well, as you know, he has stopped by each and every night and is doing me a world of good. In fact, I have decided that bedside visits are even better than candygrams. The handholding alone is quite medicinal, though I fear I shall require quite a bit more of it before I am entirely healed.

Now, as for your poems and songs and balalaika playing--very nice, dear, but Ivan and I were quite alarmed the other night when you persisted on staying and staying and staying.  We were, in fact, dismayed--and for your own sake, my dear, for your own sake!  After all, a spy does need her rest.  So tomorrow night, just one teensy weensy little song, and then off to bed you go, so Ivan can continue my health regimen . . . Oh, and could you take Toto II with you? Sillly little T2 . . . for some reason, he is jealous of Ivan. Fancy!

Yours for bed rest--

The Medicinally Minded GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on January 07, 2005, 09:30:58 PM
A very merry Christmas from HIM Percival, TIH Galahad, Gawain, Lancelot, and Gareth,HIM Alexis, TIH Dmitri-Alexei, Tatiana, Nicholas, Alexandra, Cossack Baby and their keeper, me!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 08, 2005, 04:34:40 PM
Oh my, lots of news  from our dear courtiers.  I am sending a doctor to see GD Janet at the infirmary.  He is a nice fellow and knows all about psychic healing, charms, fetishes, holy candles, spells, ear candelling, crystals, magic gemstones and such.  He's the best and we use his wonderful services all the time here at the palace.  I do hope our dear Janet is feeling better - at least she has the attention of the cossack stallion that Anna sent.  That's about all I can add to that.  I hear that Anna is doing a great humanitarian service to comfort GD Janet in this time of crisis and joy.  Well, let's hope that she does not over do it in the 'joy' department.  Having trouble on the line so must sign off now.    Tsar Doug and all the household pets.......... :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 08, 2005, 04:43:02 PM
It has come to my attention that some  claimants to the imperial throne  were detected in the hallway of the palace.  This is an outrage of minor importance so I sent our dear little upstairs/downstairs  maid  Conchita  to investigate.  She took along her  Chihuahua doggy and they scared those naughty intruders away.  Just a word of warning to any imperial imposters...our  little Chihuahua is on the alert.  Tsar Doug and the band of loyal courtiers  .... 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 11, 2005, 02:58:58 PM
Claimants and Courtiers All:

Our Tsar Doug really is the sly one, isn’t he? In veiled reference to Great Catherine, he mentioned a certain Cossack stallion—who, as some of you know, is no equine but very much a man.  ::) Ivan, in fact, continues to provide me with numerous remedies and comforts as I recuperate in the infirmary from smashing up Spy Anna’s troika. So grateful am I that just yesterday I presented a splendid “J” shaped brooch, studded with diamonds, to the lady-in-waiting who first recommended him. (Please don’t ask me how I manage this on my income from the Tijuana cigar and tamale cart; that would be too rude.)  >:(

As to a progress report, I will state that recovery is progressing, even despite Tsar Doug’s recommended doctor and that physician’s various and sundry treatments of ear candling and such. Goodness! Next he’ll recommend I take Viox for my aches and pains. I assure you, Dear Claimants, that over-the-counter methods such as the ones provided by Cossack Ivan are far healthier (and a good sight more pleasant) than those concocted by any pharmaceutical firm.  ;)

In the meantime, I’m afraid Tsarskoe is now chock-a-block with people wandering up and down the hallways carrying small dogs. As you know, some days ago I asked Spy Anna (also my erstwhile lady-in-waiting) to take charge of Toto II while my therapy with Cossack Ivan continued. Then the upstairs/downstairs maid, Conchita by name, was sent to patrol the hallways with her Chihuahua, in an attempt to scare away additional claimants. Now it appears that hallway trolling has become the fashionable thing to do, and great numbers of claimants—and, mercy me, even those claiming to be claimants—are traipsing up and down the Tsarkoe hallways.  

So there you have it, darlings—the first definable fashion 2005.  Hall trolling, preferably with a lap dog. Remember, you read it here first.  :-*

The Still-Recuperating Yet Trend Setting

GD/GP Janet
(and Toto somewhere)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on January 12, 2005, 09:08:13 PM
Overheard at the party:  

HIH Cossack Baby:  So, Mitya, where's the @TsaRADIOHEADevich tonight?

HIH Dmitri Alexei:  The @TsaRADIOHEADevich?

HIH  Cossack Baby:  You know -- Justinian.  I thought he was on the cutting edge and some of the ladies -- even T-Molly - thought he was cute.

Sister Birdkeeper:  Why, Cossack Baby, you know you are not to call Justinian a @TsaRADIOHEADevich.  He is a claimant to the fantasy Russian throne and only looks like he's a cleverly glib and extraordinarily gifted Oxonian.   Now settle down and eat your bird food like a good little Great Keet.

HIH Cossack Baby:  All right, Sister.  But I still think he's a @TsaRADI...

Sister B.:  Cossack Baby --- !  You mind your manners or there'll be no jalapenos tonight for you.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 13, 2005, 01:16:40 PM
Here I am at the Tsarskoe Infirmary with GD Janet.  It seems that our little Chihuahua mistook me for and imposter at the palace and bit me on the left toe.  Just a few drops of oinment and all is well but I did notice that JD Janet's door was locked as she had a visitor for the evening.  I tried to act as if it was nothing and ignored the advice to inquire within her confines.  You know my doctor thought that ear candling was the best  treatment for a little doggy bite.  He always recommends that and of course I always defer to his professional advice and complied.  All the best to the imperial courtiers.......Tsar Doug and the recovering royals. ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on January 13, 2005, 05:45:42 PM
Dearies,

The budgies are spreading a lot of gossip on the radio, even a special bulletin in the Tsarskoe Daily- quote:
Why is her door locked? Is the GD/GP Janet still sick or just lovesick?

The commandant of the Imp. Cossacks rebuked me for sending Ivan to the infirmary. Dearie me, I only instructed the poor lad to hold her hand, nothing more, nothing less ::)  And not just that, I have to take care of Toto II.  Absolutely not the job of an independent spy, but being partime Lady-in- waiting too and very fond of the sick( ;) )GD/GP, and of course very very kind-hearted, I'll endure the little creature. So yesterday I bought the cutest tiniest black sunglasses one could find, the little doggie has to match with my outfit.

Now what's that Dougie dear, in the infirmary too? That's not the first time, you've injured your finger and head before, remember? If the Chihuahua had bit you in the finger I would put a :-* on it, but your toe, thanks very much :P  I'll send you tulips and cheese, no Lady to hold your hand, we've got enough trouble with people holding hands! This afternoon I'll cheer you up with a poem, a song, and if I don't forget my wings I'll performe my unforgettable dying ssssswan or a mazurka if you like :D

Well, it's time for me to parade up and down (seems to be the latest fashion)- the hallway with the little fourfooted thing. I'll take the lead as royals do, the rest will follow, I suppose.

Anna and Toto II 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Roman_Candle on January 14, 2005, 12:30:46 PM
SPQR to all Royals!

Thank you Tsar Douglas for the invitation to your Palace.

Now just as long as we all remember that there is only ONE Roman Emperor here...yes people accept no substitutes or pseudo Roman Emperors.  That's NEO of an r by the way!  ;)

Tsar Douglas shall dispatch a Pratorian to deal with your pet problems! LOL   ;)

Now Tsar Douglas I see a fire in the distance please be so kind as to pass my Strat!   ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 14, 2005, 01:51:30 PM
We all woke up this morning to discover a "Roman Emperor" strolling around the Imperial Park here at Tsarskoe Selo.

Well, what could I do but invite the chap in for a cuppa and sweet cakes.  Meanwhile, I had to keep the Chihuahua on a leash and I told the Moors to close all the doors so that we could have private te ta te.  It seems that he has found a suitable palace here in the Tsars Village and will be joining us as soon as he finds his violin and pet monkey.

Oh my, I do smell some smoke and have to go and check on the alarms and see if this is just my imagination or what.  I have found that if the alarms go off, that means trouble at the palace and I call for the washwoman to sprinkle some water around where there might be something aflame. All for now dear ones.....Tsar Doug  :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 17, 2005, 05:54:41 PM
Really darlings, who tripped the Tsarkoe fire alarm? My therapist, Cossack Ivan, and I felt quite--well--exposed, out there in the snow, with only bed sheets around us.

And we were most mystified to find a Roman Emperor amongst us, complete with toga and laurel wreath. Actually, he told us that our apparel made him feel quite at home.

But poor Tsar Doug, with his injured finger. I understand, though, that sticking it in the snow does stop the throbbing.

Spy Anna, of course, was keeping warm, jumping about doing the mazurka, and hanging on fiercely to the tulips and cheese. Very wise, however, not to perform her impression of a dying swan; I dare say some intrepid hunter might have come along and finished her off.

And the budgies . . . golly, I don't know what is going on with the budgies these days. Too many jalapenos, I suppose. Be afraid.  :o  Be very afraid.

Then, of course, there were all those folks out in the snow with all those little doggies. Heavens! No one go out in the dark to collect any snow for drinking water, okay?  ;)

At any rate, the supposed conflagration all turned out to be a false alarm. Just one more chapter in our colorful holiday at dear old Tsarkoe, with our most eminent host Tsar Doug.

My therapy continues, but I'll be back in touch once I've made just a wee bit more progress--

Yours for medical advancements

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. Many thanks to all who have been looking after Toto II during my period of healing!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Roman_Candle on January 17, 2005, 10:44:10 PM
The fire was in the distance and no where near the Palace grounds. Nothing even worth fiddling about. No...I may be "curious" about the "pet thing"-I don't have one of my own. I spend too much time slowing down the speeding chariots so as the furry and feathered friends of others get home safe and sound.

Tsar Doug thank you again for the warm and diplomatic gesture of your invitation. I will (although difficult at times) try not to make too much of a nuisance of myself whilst visiting. I do have a "sixth sense" about how such Imperial visits can create an uproar in the duma. Alas the last thing I would like to see from such dialogue is a revolution or the Tsar forced to abdicate.

Greetings Janet do you like the "Emperor's New Clothes?" It reminds me of a story about a group of literary scholars discussing that very subject. An old man in the back stood up and said "I don't see the problem".  The scholars said "what do you mean?....the Emperor is a fool and he is NAKED!!!" The old man replied "Yes!...but he's the Emperor and his cape is authentic. Clothes!! LOL #$%@ (insert what you want here) the Clothes!!!   ;D  Ok...maybe it wasn't that funny, but you get my point.

For some strange reason I have that song "The Wall" stuck in my head hmmmm don't ya just hate when that happens!   8) You just keep humming that song over and over again.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 18, 2005, 12:20:32 PM
Dear Esteemed Roman Emperor:

Actually, that's the Grand Duchess/Grand Princess Janet  >:(--or, once we get to know each other, you may address me as GP/GD.  8)

And I, in turn, will address you as befits your own most noble station . . . So, to that effect sir, please disclose your name that we might be formally introduced. (Casual conversation whilst standing outside in the snow with sheets wrapped around our torsos does not count.)

The Most Royal Grand Duchess/Grand Princess Janet

P.S. You don't happen to have an extra chariot around, do you?  :-*

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on January 18, 2005, 03:31:26 PM
Dearies and especially emperor mr. Candle,

Hmm-- our young Caesar is getting a bit saucy Your royal highness Mr. Candle dearie, let me give you good advice; we have other customs in our beloved and mysterious country, our court is very well known for its hospitality. We love to receive, but---to find you-unannounced-- strolling in our gardens, calling our Grand Duchess/ Grand Princess--simply by her Christian name and last but not least trying to set the place on fire (I'll talk about this later), well dearie that's really to much. I'm always very supersticious when it comes to unknown unexpected guests. If you're having good intentions, I'll surround you with all my :-* if you have not -- you didn't meet spy Anna Osipovna yet... ;)

First let me explain some of our court rules- we have them for our own protection and to give our servants a
guideline and something to do.
When one does receive an invitation to show ones face at our Imp.court, one has to wait till--if we don't forget--the imp. carriage drives you to the palace. There one has to offer ones credentials to our court Minister, if proven you're a nice guy, a footman will lead you through the corridors of our beautiful palace to the study of our Tsar D, (not that he's doing anything, but he's seated there) There one has to wait until it pleases our Tsar to let one enter his study-- one must not forget to whipe ones feet - we use doormats!!

Speciall note to my dearies:

Now talk about the fire. My duty as a spy is to suspect en inspect and therefore I have some questions.
Our emperor mr. Candle, mentioned the fire at first, how did he know it was not the palace burning but something adjacent ???
His name --- Candle--, he's a Roman !! Think my dearies, think!
I don't know the guy very well, but couldn't he be a descendant of that pyromaniac mr. N, who loved to sing songs playing a harp and burnt a town or two :o
I shall have to find out if our Roman emperor has any musical talents. He's welcome for the moment, but what are his intentions? Very interesting and very very exiting ::)

Anna 8) 8) xtra attentive
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Roman_Candle on January 18, 2005, 07:20:01 PM
To the Most Royal Grand Duchess/Grand Princess Janet. My most sincere apologies. You are before a battle hardened Emperor with many scars who does at times forget the formal Royal Etiquette. Please accept this bottle of the finest Roman wine as a gift.   :) I hope that does not stir the ire of your Cossack...there seems to be too much of that going on lately for no reason.  >:(

I must say though I was not expecting such a "cold reception" as to wait outside for so long. Especially after the Tsar personally invited me to the palace whilst we were playing the "Royal Puzzle".  

To answer answer your question about my chariot...Yes as a matter of fact I do. All of my finest Praetorian have similar chariots (although mine is the finest). The problem with them is that they are very difficult to control. Very light in the rear, so I must use many sandbags (LOTS) to keep it from sliding off your icy roads. I can assure you though, that once you get the hang of them it's pretty amazing.

Well Anna if you would read the Tsar's post above he did anounce my arival and did personally invite me.
As the Tsars "Eyes and Ears" you must have seen this. Hmmmmm...also you must have seen the 10 Divisions (belonging to me) parked outside the palace walls. Certainly someone of your staus  ::) would have read Sun tsu and would thus know that diplomacy is the "Highest Goal" and thus the most noble of objectives?

When you address me you shall use "Esteemed Roman Emperor" or "Ceasar" and yes in capitals. I sincerely must question your credentials. But then again what do they say about those in the info business? "Most are not worth the fig leaves I use to wipe my butt"  ;) Of course from our limited conversation I shall give you the benefit of the doubt. I must say the last one who...how shall I say "urinated in my path" found themselves the main attraction in the "Circus Maximus".

I must say given the level of "undiplomatic" or "DIPlopatic" behavior quite disturbing and insulting. As for Nero Cesear...if I were like him I would have brought any "cross dressing" or "multiple personalites" within the palace to the forefront. I would have without warning set the Imperical archers to fire the city and the palace then put it to the ground by now.

You see as I stand outside (after providing my credentials to the Tsar) you stand here and show me this lack of respect? Has there been a revolt within the Palace? Do you have the fine Tsar "tied up and gagged" somewhere?

Tell me Anna...where is Spala2 in relation to what Russian city (direction)? A young Scottish lad I used to know went there to protect the Tsars stables.

SPQR  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 19, 2005, 07:36:07 PM
Dearest Courtiers & the Emperor, one and all:

8)

Seems that I am now being greeted in the salon wherest I sit all day on the throne.  I do not do anything at all as the Tsar is supposed to be fully and completely of a retiring nature.  As Anna says,  he does nothing but he is our Tsar. Remember when I first became the Tsar I decreed that my workday would be exactly ten minutes in duration and not a minute less.  

I have decided by imperial decree that the new court languages  shall be Icelantic in the morning and Urdu in the afternoon.  I am studying them both with a passion as I always want to be the first in Tsarskoe to be in high fashion. In the evening the court shall use sign language and mime [ or whisper very softly].

I do understand that our dear GD Janet will be recovering in a tropical paradise of, so far, undiscolsed location. It may well be a movie set location that is entirely made of artificial plants, wind machines and plastic palms, with a little sand tossed around for good measure.

I also am receiving reports that the GD is being shadowed by several very mysterious fellows.  One report is that the secret police have located a Mr. T. and have taken him to a cellar for interrogation of the most kind nature.  They have plied him with all kinds of potions to get at the naked and veritable truth.

I see that our Emperor is now being seen with several stable hands that have been imported from a special place that is famous for their breeds of various farm animals and horses.  More on this later.

I hear Anna coming with some warm soup for us so we shall have the tables set up and we can all enjoy her famous tureen of zoop.  T. Doug

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on January 19, 2005, 10:25:18 PM
From the cage paper of HIH the Grand Budgiess TATIANA MOLLY:

I am sorry for what I said after I flew past that door.  Next time I go looking for my Feather Dryer I will not answer any questions from men in tweed suits who still use Brilliantine after all these years.

Love and budgie kisses
HIH Tatiana Molly

PS:  It was Dmitri who took the Feather Dryer.  I swear.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 27, 2005, 02:29:52 PM
Hello Courtiers one and all:

After reading Pravo's recent post I have decided that all gents that attend the imperial court will have their hair pommaded with Brilliantine...as I have done. ;D  Always remember that the Tsar sets the style for fashion and decor.  Also, suede shoes will be worn by the gentlemen and the ladies with continue to wear their usual high heels or slippers with the little bells on the toes.     ;)  Our dear Anna and GD Janet will continue to be so adorned with their imperial jewels and the little crowns I gave them on Boxing Day.  We all want to be really dressed to the 'Nines' this new season of 2005.  Also, please GD send some Macanudo cigars to the palace ASAP.  Tsar  D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on January 28, 2005, 10:04:32 PM
From the cage paper of HIH Nicholas-Tihkon:

Cossack Baby is making me nervous.  He tells me that by decree of Tsar Doug all the gentlemen at the Palace are to use Brilliantine.  I think preening with that stuff would be very difficult for little fledglings like us, and even for Dmitri, who still insists that no one is to touch his immaculate, God-given snow-white feathers.

Brilliantine looks like nasty stuff anyhow.  Greasy.  Ewww.  

Sister says that we - being sweet little baby birds - should simply continue to emulate St. Alexei and be neat and clean with all our feathers in place.  Wait till I tell Cossack Baby.  He will be very relieved.   Look out below for the inevitable outcome.....

A note from Sister Birdkeeper:  Please note that like most fledglings, Nicky is going through a stage, since he's just gotten over cage-paper-training.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 29, 2005, 09:42:48 PM
We had to give up on the idea of pommading our hair with Brilliantine.  All of the chairs have to be reupholstered because of all of the grease stains on the satin.  Besides that we are all so slippery that I just fell out of bed and landed on the floor. ;D  Our dear Anna found us floundering around on the carpet and fetched the footmen to lift us up and get us back to the imperial chamber  with hot chocolate and cookies.  Our Anna is such a sweet one. :D  We're all deep into our plans for Marde Gras and all of the festivities of Lent.  How about a pinata for the Grand Hall?  Tsar D. 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on January 30, 2005, 03:04:51 PM
Dearies,

Our Roman Warrior has retreated his legions from our Palace walls and has gone home, I suppose. He'll never admit, but he couldn't bear the cold and snow, he missed his spaghetti di Mama and was afraid of LRRL ( Lovely Royal Russian Ladies). The GD/GP Janet and I were not impressed at all (okay for some time) by this Ceasar in his short tunic and sandals.
The GD is too busy taking a speedcourse: how to become a cossack in three days, she's living in the cossack barracks at the moment (all for the sake of love) isn't that sweet ;) As for me, I'm too busy taking care of Tsar and court.

Look what you get when one is occupied with court affairs-grease- well still better than court riots and so but very slippery indeed :P
Our Imperial Coiffeur had a dreadful day washing the Briliantine out of the hair of our male courtiers. Dougie dear looks very fluffy at moment, his coiffure was so greasy you could bake an egg in it :P  When I brought him some hot chocolate and cookies, I advised to take a perm and highlights, also in his beard and moustache, the latest trend.

It is a good idea planning festivities for lent and a pinâta would be marvelous, especially when its filled with diamonds and rubies and not with mud as last year!!! I'll never forgive you this joke Dougie dear, the only thing you could see were my white teeth (well, I'm very proud of that) but is wasn't very funny.

Have to go my dearies, it's time to put the Tsar under the hair-drier.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on January 30, 2005, 05:49:09 PM
Nooo! Our Roman Emperor has gone home?!  :-[  :'( This is what happens when one becomes a dedicated cossak-in-training; all thoughts re: the rest of the world have gone clean out of one's lil' ol' head.   :-*

Actually, Fellow Claimants, I'm just taking a brief break before resuming my training. Someone did sneak in a squeeze tube of Brilliantine, though we haven't had cause to use it yet. Grease stains on the satin? Oh my dears, what a to-do.

Well I remember that mud pinata too, Tsar Doug, so this year please take Spy Anna's recommendation . . . rubies, pearls, emeralds, and certainly diamonds are much preferred to mud. Even the budgies say so; they are most certainly not mud artisans as are my little winged California swallow friends. In fact, may it please your imperial majesty to send all current and future mud pinatas to Mission San Juan Capistrano, CA, and thank you most kindly in advance, sir.

Speaking of the western hemisphere and warmer climes, I believe you requested some Macanudo cigars, T.D.? Too bad, I've smoked them all!  ;D  But, as a special favor I will ask Tio Fidel to send straightway a new case. Just make sure that in the meantime you send all mud-loaded pinatas away from Tsarkoe,  okay?!  8)

Oh goodness gracious me, my five minute break is up, so it's back to basic training I go!

The eager-to-be-educated GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on January 30, 2005, 09:51:48 PM
What? :-/  That mud pinata from last year's festivales was a very expensive "mud pack blast from above".  It gives one an instant facial mud pack treatment while at the same time you don't miss any of the party. ;D  No wonder all the ladies look so wonderful this year and you can thank the Tsar for this treat. :D

But, alas,  we will have pinatas filled with a different surprise this year.  Stand by to have something wonderful dropped from above. ;D

My best thanks to Anna for my new hair "do".  Don't you all like my new 'spike' look with tips of gold and a ducktail throwback to the age of Elvis and innocence? ;D

Looking forward to some of those big black aromatic cigars from Fidel.  GD Janet knows where of to obtain  the finer things of Tsardom.  She scours the world for these neat bonbons of gracious  imperial living.  She knows a few things to put it mildly. ;)  

All the best to the courtiers from my smoke filled billiard room ....at  the palace, from me to you, your Tsar D. 8) The man who is Tsar but actually does nothing which is a full time job! ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 01, 2005, 02:20:00 PM
The whole attending imperial court was in a tizzy this morning when  I swooned and fainted while having tea with Anna and a couple of cossacks.  Naturally they summoned our dear old Dr. Kinbot.   He immediately send for  a ripe avocado which he placed under my nose, whereby the scent immediately caused me to awaken and ask for  salsa.   ;D

Isn't is amazing how modern medicine is always the best. ;)

Just your average day here at the palace in our little quaint town of Tsarskoe.  From all of us to all of you, the Tsar D. and of course our wonderful and mildly talented GD Janet, who can sing just about any song.

8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 01, 2005, 03:04:20 PM
Mildly talented, T.D.?  :( I'm sure that was a typo and you really meant to say wildly talented!  :D

The Always (Well, Nearly) Typographically Correct

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 01, 2005, 03:29:49 PM
My online thesaurus got messed up and I meant to say "tempestuously and savagely talented". ;D

Since this is the afternoon here at Tsarskoe we are all speaking Urdu and things can get a little confusing. ;) Of course in the evening we all speak_________., ______, ________,!!!_____?________.  ________!?

Sometimes my language skills are a little jagged because my hat covers my eyes and I cannot see the tops of the words.  Does that make sense?

T.D.  the always efficatious and inefficient ;D

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 01, 2005, 05:46:40 PM
Dearies,

Dougie dear, looked so silly lying there on the floor with half a blini in his mouth. He just wanted to say something (he always speaks with a mouthful) his eyes began to roll-for a moment I was thinking he winked at me- and oops there he went. When coming around he started to speak Urdu and insisted to wear an urban instead of his crown and wants us to call him Sahib. Oh dear I'm really worried, I must go and ask what dr.Kinbot think of it :-/

I always thought we Ladies had the privilege to faint, I even got some lessons.  I've practised it on many occasions, when getting bored at official parties and dinners, or not get what I want. Men always buy it... you don't have to walk all the way back to your room, they carry you--- be aware your head is resting on his shoulder, let your arms hang loose. They hold your hand, send you flowers, chocolate and if you're lucky a piece of jewelry ;D

So Ladies don't forget the FDESF-- Faint with Drama,  Elegance and a Sigh on the Floor-- be careful not too hard!

Have to go it's time for my Urdu lessons.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 02, 2005, 08:19:27 PM
Dear Royal Claimants All--

It's amazing how new fashions start at the mere drop of a tiara here at the palace.

I've previously told you about the stylish art of hall-trolling, which consists of pacing back and forth the halls of Tsarkoe whilst carrying a small dog. Well, lately it's become all the fashion to learn languages, and since I'm in a can-do Urdu mode (having matriculated most recently in Cossack 101, with delightful certification to that effect  ;)) in recent days I've been sitting right alongside Spy Anna in language class, whilst on occasion dear dear Tsar Doug attends, his headgear often slipping right over his sweet lil' ol' eyeballs.  Ah, we make for a merry trio of claimants, especially when the budgies decide to fly about, dive bombing us for pearls on our kokoshniks. All of this makes for such fun and merriment. (Our Urdu teacher is a saint--a saint, I tell you. :o)

Spy Anna also has been teaching me the FDESF manuver, which I confess I find most entrancing. I hope to collect big on this ladies, especially when it comes to chocolates and diamonds. Perhaps at some point I can even retire from pushing that *!$#!#  Tijuana tamale cart in front of Uncle Valmont's palace.

Oh bother! I do believe I hear our Urdu professor calling us to class once more. Adieu, fellow claimants, and I remain, as Tsar D. so aptly phrased it

The Tempestuously and Savagely Talented

GD/GP Janet   :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 02, 2005, 09:39:42 PM
Now that our language classes are going well we have decided that  our next class will be "How to Have Fun-- 101".  It even rhymes.  ;D  Cool huh?  We' re all locked in the palace for the duration with our top secret spy Anna [ who is also a great chef and jewelry collector]  we need to have some sort of routine of fun and adventure.

One of our main objectives is to learn to make our clothing from the drapes and other odd material hanging about our various salons and saloons.  Why just the other day our dear son the Prince Orloff made a fabulous coat from the tablecloth and even used the spoons as buttons.  Oh, so clever that boy can be. :D

The GD Janet, the savage one, is about to retire from her fabulously successful career as a vendadora of tamales and cigars on the street of Tijuana, a town without pity. 8)  I understand that her next career move,. in accordance with imperial protocol is about to be announced and I'll let her have the royal honor of doing so. ::)

We did learn a new word from our Icelantic professor:  berserk...so I use the word all the time now.  I told Anna that I would go "berserk" if I did not get to hear her new song and eat some of her great meatball zoop. ;D

Good grief, here comes those  $%&# birds again. I am going to hire a certain Mr. Alfred Clockhitch to remove them to another palace.  >:(

Tally Ho dear ones all and "I'll Be Seeing You"  so, see you soon  and hopefuly in all the old familiar places etc. etc...  Tsar Doug, always  and forever, Goodnight Folks, "Say Goodnight Gracie"
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 02, 2005, 10:53:20 PM
Goodnight Gracie!  :D

The GD/GP "Gracie" Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on February 03, 2005, 06:50:26 AM
From the lectern of Sister Birdkeeper to HIM Tsar Doug

Humbly petitioning Your Imperial Majesty:

That I might take TIM Alexis-Percival and Alexis-Carolina, HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri, all the Great Keets (especially the overly giddy HIH Cossack Baby) and the Grand Budgiesses for another time out at the Hermitage of at least Three Saints, etc. .   I apologize for the games of 'Parakeet-Trooper' and 'Feather-Duster' that they have been playing when they get too excited about their visits to the Palace.

Cossack Baby has been warned never to yell 'Banzai!' again, and I will be cutting back on jalapeno peppers in the birds' diets for some time to come.  Our flight to Massandra awaits Your Majesty's august approval.

Your Majesty's humble subject
Sister Birdkeeper, O.S.A.N
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 03, 2005, 01:20:12 PM
Greetings and Salutations Once More, Fellow Claimants:

Oh thank heavens the budgies have apologized, though I do think flying to Massandra is taking it a bit far. (Isn’t Massandra where the grapes ferment right on the vines? Clever budgies!) But consider what a fine example they have set us. After all, if those feisty little featherdusters can turn around their behavior, perhaps there is hope for you and I?  :-/

Now, as for your mention of the great Alfred Clockhitch :o, Tsar Doug, I am reminded of some of his truly classic suspense masterpieces, such as South by Southeast—the story of a recently impoverished plantation belle who decides to return to Atlanta to borrow money and so clothes herself in a saucy creation made from her mother’s portieres—as well as It Takes a Nanny, the story of a rebellious postulant who, in order to romp about the Austrian Alps with her charges proceeds to make everyone play clothes from her very own bedroom draperies. Which of course is all very much in keeping with the latest art project assigned to us in “How to Have Fun 101.” Isn’t it simply amazing how so many things interconnect?  ;)

However, T.D., I do have to remind you that although I am six feet tall and quite Amazonian in appearance, I am  >:( by no means  >:( savage  >:( and also have become an excellent archeress in spite of my refusal to give up any body parts, bodacious though they might be.

Since I can never forgo a challenge, however, I am quite looking forward to my studies in Icelandic, and in fact shall aspire to be the first six foot tall Icelandic-speaking archeress in the world.  A worthy goal, in my opinion, not to mention profound consolation for having given up the tamale cart.

Your ever-so-charmingly-berserk

GP/GD Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 03, 2005, 04:25:31 PM
It has come to my attention that the GD Janet is now  about to become a world class Archeress ?? :-/  Well, I guess we just have to face reality again.  I have sent for a dozen of those straw filled target  stands.

We may place them at one end of the Imperial corridor and see if the GD can hit the bullseye.   ::)  I have notified all of  the courtiers to be on the alert for flying arrows and other airbourne artillery. ;D

First is was the All Girl Band and  now it is "archery" of all things.  What next? ::)  Where is Robin and his merry men when we need them?

Tsar Doug........checking on some steel body armor. 8) ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 04, 2005, 12:49:06 PM
GD Janet : the answer was "Goodnight George".  
I have heard that the court chamberlain is having us do new games tonight.  This will be trying to finish great movie lines.

"Frankly, dear I don't give a _______" , things like this. ;D  No naughty words will be allowed, though.

Our dear Sister Birdkeeper will be bringing her birds along with a  Red Tailed Hawk for added threatics in the Billard Room. ;D

T. D.  8) ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 04, 2005, 05:24:28 PM
My dearies,

Got a strange message from Our man in Havana; No more sigars till bill is payed ???
For whom the bell tolls; GD/GP Janet aka Xena Warrior Princess or Tsar D aka Dougie dear, please pay your bills, I won't because I don't smoke stink bombs. Dougie dear, if you're going to pay, I've got some forgotten fabergé bills, be nice pleasssse........thanks sooo much :-*

Well I did my homework of making allusions on movies tho' no movie lines, but one has to come up with something. I go beserk, following all the classes, but I really love the How to have Fun-101 lessons, even laugh on my own jokes (always did ;)).
Dougie dear, I'm the progress of making a new cd, so you have to wait a while, I'll bring you some of my Meatball zoop your so fond of :P

First I promised to do the GD/GP Janet a favor. She asked me to take place at the end of the palace corridor with an apple on my head. She's going to try and shoot the apple with an arrow, that's what she said, oh dearie me :-/
I told you so, Dougie dear, don't tell her that Wilhelm Tell story.

So if I won't make it...kiss the budgies from me, the Meatball zoop is on the stove in the kitchen, don't forget to turn of the gas.

Anna 8)---of the thousand days--
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 04, 2005, 06:59:48 PM
Fellow Claimants:

I'm so confused.

Earlier Tsar Doug informed me his name is George. And now he's talking about getting into falconry . . . or is that hawkery. I wonder how this will sit (or is that "fly"?) with the budgies?  :P

Next, I sent Spy Anna out for an apple, but she hasn't returned for ever so long. Plus now she is the self-styled Anna of the Thousand Days, which further distresses me. Did she receive a negative doctor's report?!  :-[  :'(

Finally, my poor little Amazonian head forgot all about the fact that this weekend is SuperBowl Sunday, and as many of you know I long ago agreed to perform during that event's halftime show, along with somebody call Raul or Paul or something like that. In fact, many's the winter night I've spent stitching away at my very own costume, in anticipation of this event . . .  :'(

Anyway, I must be entirely candid with all of you: I am vexed. Vexed that I will miss tonight's movie game night. Vexed that I won't be able to have any meatball zoop. And vexed that fellow claimants are changing names and disappearing at the very drop of a head--er, hat.

What I must remember is that we always will have Paris, tomorrow is another day, and there's no place like home. So, fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy weekend, but I know that I'll go out onto that playing field a mere Grand Duchess/Grand Princess but come back . . . a star!

From your very own I'm-just-making-this-up-as-I-go-along GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 04, 2005, 08:32:40 PM
Vexed GD/GP Janet dearie,

I'm far and away, somewhere safe and ever so grateful you remembered the SuperBowl where you will have your great moment this weekend. I must confess I've never seen it (foreign spy) but it saved my life.

I didn't run because of a negative doctor's report, but because of an alarming report you failed the Cossack speedcourse, especially the bow and arrow exam.
So what do you think I did the moment you sent me for an apple? Sink me... I took up my skirts and run, thought my days were numbered :o

But no hard feelings my dear, I hope you do well in your selfmade costume, remember wear that push up bra and corset as I advised. On tv you look at least 10 pounds heavier, doesn't look very elegant for a Star. We don't want gossip do you?
Take little steps when wearing high heels my dear, you don't want to end up like Zoya Hilariouskaya. She came down -literally- with a lot of noise from the Jordan staircase in the Winterpalace last year at the ball. Since that terrible day she's wearing wooden shoes.

I shall come back when your away, and watch your performance on tv together with Dougie dear.

Anna 8)--very much alive
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on February 11, 2005, 08:58:02 PM
Dearies All,

Well, I tried taking URDU on pass/fail...and I failed...but I do have the "walking down the palace corridor carrying little dog" down pat...

So, who is going to the Wedding at Windsor on April 8th? Anna, I could swear that the ring Naughty Camilla was wearing was the one you pawned in California last year during the unfortunate Valmontsky incident. Imagine the Palace PR trying to pass it off as part of the Royal Collection. And Janet, is there any truth to the rumor that you are going to be singing at the Reception? Will there be beautiful canaries in cages decorating the Castle? Will Caesar Salad be served?

Are we going to pool together our Court Rubles for a proper gift? Don't think they need a toaster, but anything with the "eternal love symbolized by snake with its tail in its mouth" will do! Caio for now and back again, Melissa and Ortino II & Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 12, 2005, 11:19:53 AM
NAOTMAA dearie,


Girlie, how nice to have you back in our midst :-*

I must say they've kept you for a long time in that health resort, was it so bad? I guess they've knocked a few corners of, so to speak ;D Well at the wedding in april we shall see the result.

I've little time, still hiding for GD/GP Janet's bow and arrow, but on behalf of the entire court: WELCOME BACK ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on February 13, 2005, 09:55:53 PM
Anna dear,

Well, yes, they did "knock a few corners off" as you so quaintly put it, but nothing like the job they did on a certain bride to be!!!

At the tailend my little rest, I got a telegram that my dear husband, Baron Von Crankypants (my private nickname), had an accident on the alpine ski slopes. I rushed to his side (as soon as a first class seat was available on SwissAir) and since then have been babying himself and the cast on his leg. Invalids can be most annoying. At least with babies and puppies it is just a stage...anyway, if all is well he will be de-casted and back to his jolly old self in the next few days...and I will be back in my sweet Mauve Dacha by the Alexander Palace...busily trying to figure out what the wear to the Wedding...shall we ladies have a theme or colour scheme so we don't clash at Windsor? Perhaps GD Janet can think of something interesting...and is there any truth to the rumor that Tsar Doug is to be a "supporter" to HRH P. C. if King Constantine of Greece can't make it? Caio for now,  Melissa and Ortino II and Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 14, 2005, 08:55:27 PM
Psst! Yes, Imperial Family Claimants, it's me . . . your very own Grand Duchess/Grand Princess Janet, in hiding since the SuperBowl fiasco. Thank goodness the cameras didn't pick up on what happened as I strode out onto the playing field toward that Paul guy, wearing my very own hand-made costume and carrying my bow and quiver of arrows. Let us just say that as I pulled out an arrow and began to place it in position, I stepped on the hem of my gown, slipped, fell forward, and shot out of my costume like a banana out of a banana peel.

:o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  

It was not my finest moment.

That Paul fellow was so shocked he cut his program back to just four songs and has sworn to never sing about California grass again. Minutes later I received a telegram from Janet Jackson, rejoicing that someone else had outdone her in the wardrobe malfunction department. And Justin Timberlake has been 'pologizin' all over the place . . . though for what, I'm not sure, as he wasn't anywhere nearby.  >:(

The worst, I suppose, was being contacted by someone who wanted to know if they could use photos of this episode for a new website called Buck-Nekked Royals.  >:(

And if that wasn't bad enough, the next day they called to tell me that as a "mere" Claimant (fancy!) I might not qualify afterall, and that they'd be getting back to me!!  >:(

As our fashionable antecedents used to say, "Basta!"  >:(  >:(   >:(

At any rate, all that extra exposure to the elements has since caused me to contract a cold. So here I am again, back in the Tsarkoe Infirmary, trying to get well so that I might sing an aria at the upcoming April 8 nuptuals. (Too bad, Kiri baby, this time I'm doing the honors. :-*) The idea is that I will sing acapella, but be supported by the budgies . . . if (and this is a Big If) they will just get over their monarchist objections to Ms. Camilla becoming a Windsor.  :(  C'mon, you little tweetie-birds, get with the program!

Anyway, Spy Anna, olly olly oxen free and come out, come out, wherever you are, because since SuperBowl Sunday I have effectively been disarmed (of course, I've long been told I'm very disarming  ;D ) and am just so very very happy to be clothed again, albeit in one of those skimpy little hospital gowns. Perhaps one or more of the Cossacks can come visit me and offer consolation?  ;)

And GD Melissa, so very sorry to hear about Baron Von Crankypants. You have your trials, darling  :'( . . . oh yes you do.

Haven't heard from Tsar Doug in some time; I think he's been avoiding me, though why I'm not sure. After all, I ask you, what have I done to disgrace us?!

Psychically on the mend, I remain

The Former Archeress

and Ongoing GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on February 14, 2005, 10:33:52 PM
Janet Dearie,

Based on past history, please do avoid any sport requiring pointed objects and/or bowling balls. And please remember to bring a sewing kit and lots of safety pins with you to the Windsor Wedding! Of course you haven't disgraced us, dear...we are what is called the "colorful" branch of the royal tree!

Caio for now, Melissa and Ortino II & Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 20, 2005, 06:18:57 PM
Right you are, Grand Duchess Melissa. And in fact I've decided to take things a step further and go into temporary seclusion because--being an artiste ::)--I shall wish to rest my pipes for that upcoming day in April. So, I promise, no more shennanigans--well, not until after April 8--and, to quote the immortal words of a Queen and Empress we all regard quite fondly, "I will be good."  ;)

GD/GP Janet

P.S. Spy Anna, come out come out wherever you are; I've retired my bow and arrow, so all is safe!  ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on February 20, 2005, 10:19:18 PM
Dearies All,

Did you see me and my darling doggie Ortino at the Westminster Dog Show in NYC last week? Believe you me, running around that ring in heels was no easy task. Ortino was brilliant, and of course that judge was a ninny not to place him first in Best of Breed for the French Bull Dog Group. But placing #2 was better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, as the dear
Baron says.

I did go by the Trump Tower, where Anna dear was chatting up the doorman in order to be considered on "The Apprentice"...she would be superb, and teach those American whippersnappers a thing or two...

Janet dear, I am sure that all well be well regarding your latest adventures after a short break from the papparazzi...remember to keep the mystery!!!! Though you left not much to the imagination during the SuperBowl...

I am awaiting special news from the darling budgies...are they well and busily nesting as it is spring?

Dear Tsar Doug, just wondering if you should be giving Prince Charles matrimonial advice in view of your own track record!!! But as Mrs. PB does not appear to be overly fond of coffee, perhaps all shall be well...

Caio for now, GD Melissa and Ortino (2nd Place) II and Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 21, 2005, 12:04:47 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

We have just received a special telegramme from Windsor that all of the royals from Tsarskoe Selo will be lodged  at Windsor Castle for the upcoming wedding of the century. Of course this will require that some of the English royals will be housed at the nearby Motel "6" or some other affordable  hostel of their choice, bunkbeds provided for overflow.  Also, I'll  have our own lounge chairs brought to the  church for the actual event, as these things tend to drag on and on. [ We will be having front row seats as usual that befits our standing as relatives of the Battenburgs, ne.,  Windsors of more recent invention].  At mid-ceremony I'll have some sandwiches and a pint of rum or two delivered in a discreet manner by one of the attending flunkies.  ;D   Tsar Doug
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 21, 2005, 05:23:22 PM
My dearies,

Yes Melissa dearie, you were right seeing me at the Trump Tower to teach mr. America a thing or two. I made my way to the penthouse (just a room with a few) very fast, my way back was even faster ( I'm glad I didn't had breakfast) :-X
I still think it very unfair of Mr. Trump to shout at me over the elevator intercom "You're fired".  Now tell me, how was I to know with the money he gave me, I had to make investments, I did-- in myself-- so what's the problem :-/  And all the time I was thinking he was helping a Damsel in Distress.

I read in the newspaper what happenend with our talented GD/GP Janet---no comment---remember Zoya Hilariouskaya.  I am sorry she's in the Tsarskoe infirmary again. I'll send her some photo's of all the guys of the Cossack regiment, better have them on paper than for real.
For me it's safe to come back, after all Tsar D. needs me, who's going to make his meatball zoop ( its the zoop what makes a Tsar, my granny used to say).
We'll meet at Windsor Castle, good of him to make arrangements already, we are used to be treated as VIPs. But rumor goes, the wedding isn't going to take place at Windsor Castle at all, but at the nearest town hall. I couldn't believe my ears, well Prince Charles dearie must have ;) What royal disgrace, it's going to be only cocktail dresses and no evening gowns :(
Everyting ruined, sigh.... I wanted to ask Martyn of the famous Haute Couture House of M to design my evening gown. I've seen beautiful examples in the fashion department of the Tsarskoe daily.

But for now I've to run, I have an appointment with the famous hat designer Philip Traecy in London. I have heard he's going to design the wedding hat for Camilla :o
Ladies, I'm going to make sure I'm his first client and it is definitely not going to be a horse cap. It has to be something big, dramatic and with lots of feathers. We Ladies are going to show what is it being a royal with a big R.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 21, 2005, 05:57:08 PM
Oh dearies, forgive a foreign spy :-/
I wrote the word few :o :o. I meant of course VIEW. So sorry, I think the speed of the elevator in the Trump Tower made me feel a bit dizzy- (sick as a matter of fact) :P And all the stress of the wedding in Britain, which is a big issue in our family.
Especially the problem what are we going to wear.

Thanks for your kindness and understanding, it really means sooo much to me ;)

Thinking of you as always,

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 22, 2005, 12:36:37 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

Yes, it does seem that our attendance at the wedding of C & C will be somewhat brief.  The wedding is now scheduled at the local town Guildhall down the road from McDonalds and the  Kentucky Fried Chicken joint.  

Cocktail dresses for the GD's may be a bit overdone considering the situation.  Maybe the best thing to do is just wear our everyday going to town for shopping clothes. ;D Although big hats may be a good idea as was suggested by our dear  GD and spy Anna.

We're all checking on suitable lodgement in Scotland as the rumor is that the nups may be switched yet again to a foreign country as has been done before.  What's wrong with the ceremony being held here in Tsarskoe Selo?

All the best, and wondering what is next for C & C, the madcap couple of the year. ;D

Tsar Doug and the Imperials............. ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 22, 2005, 04:53:08 PM
Good heavens, I hadn't given any real thought as to what I was to wear, but now after Spy Anna's message I'm all a-twitter. (And mind you, without the help of The Budgies.) Previously I was focused on my performance--the song's the thing, after all--but now I realize, post-SuperBowl, that I really must take special care re: all subsequent public appearances.

As for the ceremony occurring just down the street from a Mickey D's and a Kentucky Fried Chicken . . . well, guess I'll need to have my personal couturier run up something that resists grease stains. Ah, me. As they say, no rest for the wicked . . .

Grand Duchess Melissa, bless you and Ortino for your magnificent performance at the Best of Show two weekends ago. Truly thrilling, my dear, and I am certain top honors were given to another simply because the judges couldn't reward excellence at the risk of being soft toward Imperial Claimants. Pity, but there it is.

By the way, I'm taking song suggestions. Talk about madcap! When I asked Prince Charles what he wanted me to sing he merely cocked a devil-may-care eyebrow and said, "Surprise me." So, not being one to ever refuse a royal request  ;), I fully intend to come through on this one as well! I just need your help, darlings, so suggest away.

The Chirpy but not Twirpy

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 22, 2005, 04:59:23 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

I have just sent a note to HRH Prince Charles advising that the best place for his marriage to Camilla would be Chateau de Cande, Monts, France.  This is where the Duke of Windsor and Wallis were married on June 3, 1937. What could be more perfect and fitting!

We all know that they have been floundering around not knowing what to do with the wedding and now his mum QE II has notified us that she will not attend any civil ceremony at the Guildhall next to Kentuckey Fried Chicken [ I really don't blame her].

I'll keep all advised as to his response and am scouting out places to stay near the old chateau at Monts.  

Take care, one and all.....T. Doug and the wedding party of the century.......on our way to France.......

;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on February 22, 2005, 06:50:49 PM
We, HIM ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Ph.D of all Birdbrains, etc., etc, and so on and so forth:

Hereby decree that as We, ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, the Empress ALEXIS-CAROLINA, HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI, TIH the Grand Keets, and TIH the Grand Budgiesses, all have quite enough feathers to suffice as finery for the upcoming second nuptials of the hapless English Naslednik;

That the entire Imperial Budgerigar Court will donate of OUR own free will any and all feathers molted from OUR avianalities and the cute little posteriors thereof to any human claimant to the beloved and much esteemed Russian Court.

To be put into effect forthwith.

ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.[/u]
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 22, 2005, 07:37:32 PM
Dearies,

Well, it looks like our English clan deligated all wedding arrangements. Our family is simply the best in organizing all kinds of royal weddings:---official, common, secret, arranged, with or without love, straight or not, you name it we have it.

Tsar D. is appointed M.C. and will give the bride away.
GD/GP Janet is going to torment us with a song, only she doesn't know which song it's going to be. We placed a special suggestion box at the palace entrance, so courtiers don't hesitate and give us some titles.
GD Melissa is rehearsing a special act with Ortino and Zamira, the only dogs allowed at the ceremony and can stay up late.
Two birdies promised to sit quietly on top of the wedding cake and not to sprinkle it with their own grated chocolate.
As for me, I have to secure security (Spy-slang) The couple asked me to write a poem for the occasion. The only phrase I could think of is: A horse is a horse, of course, of course.....
But I shall play my balalaika and dance my famous dying sssssswan.

If any of you courtiers have suggestions or whatever you think to make this show unforgettable, please put it in the special box. The courtier with the best idea wil get a free invitation (standing in the back) to attend the ceremony.

So far the schedule, any changes will be announced in the Tsarskoe daily.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 22, 2005, 08:57:06 PM
Dearest Claimants:

Isn't it wonderful how all of us are coming together for one great common cause? Too touching.

Tsar Doug is grandly offering suggestions for Chateau weddings and Francophile dreams. (Whatever the outcome,  I am sure the adjoining constabularies will not sport 'Motel 6' signs.) The Budgies are cooperating magnificently, offering up all their molted feathers and further promising--though this is all according to Spy Anna and has yet to be verified--not to add any untoward sprinkles to the wedding cake. And speaking of Spy Anna, she has promised to dance and play her balalaika, which will coordinate beautifully with my vocals. I wonder, dear Anna, can you strum and dance to that classic Captain and Tenille tune, "Muskrat Love"?  :P I remember Her Majesty the Queen so enjoyed that number during the concert she sat through--er, enjoyed--while on a visit to the United States some years ago.  In honor of that momentous three or four minutes, then, I have decided to sing "Muskrat Love" at the beginning of the C & C service . . . though it is too too sad Her Majesty will not be attending and therefore miss hearing one of her favorite songs. Mayhap she will decide to attend after all--incognito?--once she hears about The GD/GP Janet Songbook to be performed. I have been told my trills are not to be ignored.

Now as for poetry, Spy Anna, I don't see how you can find any better inspiration than the theme song from Mister Ed. Unless, of course, it's that ballad of Gilligan, the Skipper Too, the Millionaire, His Wife, the Movie Star  :-* and etcetera . . . or perhaps that handsome little ditty about the folks whose "house is a museum / When people come to see'em / They really are a scre-um / The Adams Family."  Really, television is a gold mine of iambic pentameter, alliteration and A B A B rhyming.

To conclude, I say again that it warms my heart to think of us all coming together in such convivial family harmony.

Yours for warm fuzzies--

The GD/GP Janet


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on February 22, 2005, 09:59:03 PM
You heard it here... the latest Budgie Buzz

by Princess Teeny-Weeny Well-Well-Well


Word has it that the two members of the Imperial Budgerigar Court that would be most successful at sitting on the wedding cake would be the im-peck-ably well cage trained and immaculately snow-white DMITRI ALEXEI PERCIVAL GEORGE and the exquisitely pearly-white TATIANA MOLLY -- who get along with each other quite well indeed.   Could an Imperial Budgie wedding occur in the future?   And may all their budgerigars be white?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 23, 2005, 04:38:44 PM
Dearest and Most Courtious Courtiers of the Realm:

I just have receive an official radiogramme from HRH The Princess Royal ( HRH Charles Prince of Wales, sister, Anne),  wherein she states that concerning her brother's upcoming wedding that the Russian royals should please "naff off".  Pray tell that is an expression that I have never heard before.  Does anyone have any idea what this means?  I hope we are all still welcome. '

Will GD Janet still be able to trill and will Spy Anna be able to wear her new hats and play the guitar?  What about the budgies?  These things need an answer and we need it as soon as possible.

Tsar Doug.....still packing the trunks and  hatboxes for the trip 8) :-/
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 23, 2005, 06:45:18 PM
Dearies,

Maybe the princess royal catched a cold or as we foreigners say talked with a hot potato in her mouth.
So thanks for nothing..... it's not the first time the family let us down. But no offense... we can handle it.

Well, Dougie dear send my trunks and hatboxes to Hollywood. I've got an invitation :D I thought I would get the special oscar for my totall oeuvre.
Alas----- my oeuvre is two cd's and three performances but of  extremely high quality I can tell.

So, they favored me to present the oscar for the best catering :D Isn't that marvelous I'm so thrilled and feel so honored. And the winner is-----Kentucky F.C., MacD. or Jimmy's corner?

No oscar for me this time but I will make a little speech and drop a few tears-- I wish to thank my hat designer I shouldn't know what to do without him because my hair is a reall mess... I also wish to thank my family for giving me their jewels and furs although they don't  know..yet.
I wish to thank my PR-agent for hustling with the invitations so I could be here tonight....sorry Leo I'll make it up to you ;)

Have to catch a plane and rehearse these lines before the mirror.

Anna 8)
Title: StillRe: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 23, 2005, 09:18:52 PM
Dearest Fellow Claimants:

Really, this is all so terribly exciting, but also so terribly diverting . . . as THE vocal artiste for April 8, you know I must adhere to a strict training schedule, and yet here I am coming out of artistic seclusion once more to share in all the giddiness. I've even sent back my invitation to the Oscars, saying that I must forego such enjoyments so I might be in tip-top shape for the C & C event. Ah, what sacrifices we GP/GD artistes make for our art!

Of course, that comment from my dear friend the Princess Royale could be taken as something less than friendly, but you know she really has a soft spot in her heart (if not her head, due to all those equestrian falls) for those of us affiliated with the IFC.  In fact, many's the time Anne and I used to enjoy a rollicking girls' day out, drinking Cosmopolitans for lunch and, after some initial hesitation on her part, ducking into Victoria's Secret (she thought it affiliated with a distant antecedent) to run up our credit cards, then heading over to the roller rink and crashing into as many cute blokes as possible.

"Naff off" indeed. Why, that's what we used to say to each other all the time--it's a term of affection, don't you know.  

Of course, I hasten to add this all occurred long ago, during her single days, and that she is now quite the respectible matron-about-town. Still, there's nothing quite like remembrances of days past . . .

But I digress.  And simply must get back to my la la la las. Still, I have to make the obvious suggestion: After reading the latest Budgie Buzz, would it be too presumptuous to suggest a double wedding? Imagine the headlines:

Love Birds United in Double Ceremony--
Feathers Ruffled Throughout the World!


Okay, going back into seclusion, and trillingly yours, I remain

The Artist Formerly Known as the GP/GD Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 24, 2005, 04:05:26 PM
We're all having a great time here in the palace in Tsarskoe.  Every now and then I greet one of our courtiers with our new expression,  "Hi there, and naff off".   ;D  We all laugh and have a good time of it.  Thank you GD Janet for letting us know what a nice thing this expression is.  So, "Naff off" to you,  GD Janet! Hi ho and best to all! ;D

Good to see that Anna will be in Hollywood for the festivities of the Oscars.  I want to walk the red carpet and you will see me and the Prince there in our usual disguise.

That's about it for today and naff off to all the courtiers! ;D

Tsar Doug....looking forward to the April nups and see all in Hollywood ;D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on February 24, 2005, 05:42:42 PM
Dearies,

A quick message from a very crowded pre-Oscar party.

I was introduced to Leo di C. - he was delighted to meet a real royal GD/spy and said to me--- How do you do-- I looked at him over my sunglasses and said --Naff off to you--. He gazed at me and said, sorry I don't speak Russian. Now isn't he cute ::)

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on February 24, 2005, 08:20:18 PM
Dearest Tsar Doug and Spy Anna--

There's the spirit! The expression is so old, it's cutting edge.

And dear me, it does bring back memories. The Princess Royale and I, y'see, were quite the bachelorettes-around-town, embracing all whom we met with a jolly "Naff off!" So now that it has become the fashion again, I am fondly reminded of those halcyon days of yore.

Also--and not that I wish to worry the Grand Duchess Melissa--but her Baron Von Cranky-Pants, who was then quite the debonaire bachelor, used to squire the Princess Royale and yours truly about on many of our merry escapades. Ah, but that's another story for another day . . .  ::)

In the meantime, I congratulate you both on your pre-Oscar celebrations. And I wonder, Spy Anna--is Leonardo drinking out of milk bottles since his performance in The Aviator?  ;D

Now I must return to my training, so that I might be ready for the big day. As I recently said to my trainer, "People seen me sing say I'm pretty tough." To which he gruffly replied, "Girlie . . . tough . . . ain't . . . enough."

Naffingly yours--

The Artist Formerly Known as the GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on February 24, 2005, 11:06:13 PM
Dearies All,

First things first! I was unable to sleep last night, so instead of counting sheep, I thought of some musical numbers for our dearest GD Janet at the Windsor Registry Office. By the by, what if we are the only Imperial/Royal types at the Registry Office? I would rather be back at the Castle with the nice open bar and yummy appetizers with Queen and the rest of the Imperial/Royal guests instead of in that crummy Registry Office!

In Honor of the Bride: "MOON RIVER, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day..."

In Honor of the Groom: "When we played our CHARADE, we were like children posing..."

Please DO NOT sing "Lady In Red" as it is strongly associated with Prince Charles's previous wife. I also think they are a bit long in the tooth for you to sing "We  Have Only Just Begun" or "Sunrise, Sunset"...but "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" could be appropriate!!!!

I hope that people watching the Oscars appreciate that dear Anna will elevate the event with her glamour and poise and talent...how clever she was with Leo...

And I am seriously thinking about starting a wardrobe consulting service for next year's Westminster Event. Many of those ladies really need help, as they may be terrific handlers, but leave something to be desired in the Chic Department (or lack thereof)...

I am so glad that dear GD Janet has enlightened dear Tsar Doug re: the origin and meaning of "Naff Off"...my dear Baron does mutter it in his sleep, but I remind myself that what is past, is past...saucey English Princesses included. One must have a philosophical view. I do recall that Anne used the phrase often, and once there was a postcard for sale in London which had herself and that phrase in a little balloon coming out of her mouth. I bought out the lot to send to all my friends, including her. Never got invited back to Glouchestershire after that...   caio for now, GD Melissa and Ortino II and Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on February 25, 2005, 11:17:48 AM
Do we all remember when the Queen came to the White House way back when Jerry Ford was president?  Let us not make the mistake of playing "The Lady Is A Tramp" in the presence of HRH The QE II, again. ::)  We were not amused. ;D

Good to see that GD Anna is having a  royal to do with Hollywoood royalty.  I look forward to her doing bit parts in Leo's next cinema opus, in addition to playing her music and singing cuts from her CD at lawn parties at Pickfair for Douglas Fairbanks and Mary.  Sorry, that was the last century.



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on February 27, 2005, 10:01:22 AM
Dear Tsar Doug,

How clever of you to remember the visit of QEII to the Ford White House. I also recall that First Son Jack Ford wore cowboy boots with his black tie...but, please do tell GD Janet that the song you mentioned might be just right for her medley on April 8th!!!! Caio for now, Melissa and OrtinoII & ZemiraII
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 01, 2005, 04:06:09 PM
Still taking song suggestions for next month's fabulous wedding gala. My thanks to Tsar Doug and Melissa for contributing a number of fine titles . . . Now let's hear from the rest of you!  ;)

The Briefly Out of Seclusion Artiste, Formerly Known As

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 02, 2005, 12:26:13 PM
Dearest Courtiers and members of the Imperial Order of St. George:

I have just received my daily spy briefings and have discovered that Anna is currently trying to leave Hollywood but is being detained by a certain Leonardo di  something at his chateau.  She may wish to fill us in on the details of her adventuring in movieland.

Melissa, the wonderous GD of the Imperials is packing up things for the trip to London and the semi-royal wedding to Charles.  The date of April 8, is being set aside for any emergency that may arise.

GD Janet , the Artiste of the year, has her floor all covered with sheet music and has narrowed the songs down to around three hundred or so.  

We're all going to be at the 'event' if my new uniforms arrive in time.

Ciao, for now, T. Doug and the imperial jet set. 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 02, 2005, 06:32:43 PM
Tsar D. dearie,

Actualy it wasn't my intention to write a note and I don't want to come home... yet. Why do we always have to ask the Tsar permission to go or stay somewhere?
Sorry Dougie dear, this time I'm involved in some private matters ::)

I felt sooo sorry for Leo di. thanks to me he didn't won an Oscar, feeling quilty I offered him a miniature plane. The boy was so happy with my gift-as if he never got anything- I simply couldn't get rid of him. So after a few drinks we ended up.......... the beach at his chateau Capriosso.

Dougie dear, you have to manage on your own for the time being. Your new uniforms are hanging in your wardrobe, black jacket with red trousers for the wedding ceremony, the white uniform is for the evening, don't crease them. Your decorations and cuffs are in the sixth drawer. Don't forget to put out the lights in the hall and close the main-entrance of the palace before going to bed. See you in London, whenever.

HANDS OFF THE COOKIES!

Have to run, since Leo di. knows how to fly a plane, we spend many hours high up in the sky ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 02, 2005, 09:38:55 PM
Ah, Spy Anna, the little pleasures of Life that one forsakes when secluding one's self in preparation for a performance of great artistic merit. And to think that I saw The Aviator and therefore know the way to Leonardo/Howard's heart just as well as anyone else . . . Rally I do, even if the calallies ahren't in bloom again.  8)

Well, back to my artistic seclusion. Keep those cards and letters and sheets and sheets of sheet music coming, folks!

The Desperately Lonely, Artistically Secluded Artiste

Formerly Known as the GD/GP Janet

P.S. If Grand Duchess Melissa's Baron Von Cranky Pants wants to pay me a brief, nostalgic visit, I'll be ever so happy to receive him!  ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 09, 2005, 05:15:46 PM
Dearest Courtiers of  the Imperial Family:

I haven't posted  for a while because we just returned from London and Buckinham Palace wherein the Queen knighted me and our little kitty Coal.  Can you imagine that possums?  The Queen of the British realm laid her silver sword across my shoulder and named me a Knight of British Order of Tsars & Great Master Chefs.  After that our dear QE II actually kneeled down, which isn't easy at her age, and tapped the little imperial kitty on the shoulder and made him a Knight of the Royal Order of Imperial and Russian  Cats & Tigers.   ;D  This came as a big shock for all of us in the room as we were not expecting this to happen.  Then the dear old lady let in her terrible Corgis and they chased our dear cat across the room and  down the hall.  The Queen just stood there and laughed.  Well! :( We were not amused and left immediately for the port city of Southhampton where we boarded the Imperial yacht and headed straight away home for St. Petersburg.   But I must add that we are stopping off the visit with our dear  spy GD Anna over in the land of tulips, windmills and great chocolate.  All for now, dearest ones.....Tsar Doug and the rather freightened Imperial kitty Coal. :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 09, 2005, 07:30:35 PM
Dearies,

What :o Tsar D. is coming to pay me a visit in my country of tulips and windmills? Dearie me, have to hide the chocolate, buy some tulips at the market, order my staff to put on their wooden shoes. I do hope its windy enough to get the windmills going.
I think it's best to moor the Imperial yacht in the harbour of Rotterdam. Tsar D. can make a city-tour, whilst I clean up the mess in our residence in Den Hague. Queen B, would be delighted to meet her one of her far family members.

Now where did we put all the presents QB got from earlier visits to Russia? They must be somewhere in the attic or in some barn in the palace garden. We must display them again, otherwise it will look so utterly ungrateful to our Russian Imperial guests.

And I have to sent the Queen to a good hairdresser, her coiffure is becoming a major issue. There are even questions about her hair-style in our parliament. She's a dear, but never changes always the same, just like her brand of coffee...sigh.
Our Princess Maxima will do Tsar D. a lot of good, south-American blood, that lady rocks.

Have to run, a lot of preparations to make and I must not forget the cheese :D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 09, 2005, 10:46:25 PM
Dearest Imperial Claimants--

I am, of course, quite pea-green with envy--or is that the flu?--regarding the upcoming visit of Tsar Doug to Spy Anna's Land of Tulips. I'm even green-eyed about T.D.'s visit with the Queen, corgis and all. But then it is most important that I continue my training for The Big Event, which is now less than a month away.  

Of course, I haven't shut myself completely from the world, and a certain celebrity trial in Los Angeles, California, U.S. of A., has suggested a new form of training: Yes, darlings, I have learned to moonwalk!  8) In fact, picture it: Yours truly, moonwalking right into the ceremony, either to the tune of of "Oh Promise Me" or "Thriller" . . . I haven't yet decided. Not that I wish to steal any thunder from the bride, but wouldn't that just be special? And I suppose I could get away with it, just as long as I don't wear white. Wouldn't want to show up the bride, don't you know.  :-*

Okay, that's all for now . . . back into seclusion I go . . .

Yours truly, the World's Only Moonwalking GD/GP
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 10, 2005, 09:09:55 PM
Dearest Imperials and Courtiers of the Russian Household:

When our Daimler pulled up to the front steps of Soestdijk Palace in Baarn, Holland we were greeted by our dear GD Anna the Spy, Queen B and some of her round faced blond children.  

It seems that GD Anna had made all the arraignments and we set off for the drawing room and some tea with Queen B when all of a sudden a huge black horse came up to the window and looked in on the assembled.  The rider of this great black beauty was none other than King of Tonga who weighs about  four hundred pounds.  What a sight to behold.  All the plans immediately changed and the Queen  B invited the King into the  room for some tasty noshes.   He had his twelve wives with him and they were set up at tables with folding chairs.

To be continued:.......  ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 10, 2005, 10:08:07 PM
Very impressive, T.D. But can the King of Tonga moonwalk?   ;D

Yours for better dexterity--

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 11, 2005, 01:31:47 PM
Dear Courtiers and Memebers of the Red Sash Award:

Well, the King of Tonga sipped his tea and left with his   wives.  No, the old King cannot Moonwalk but he did bow deeply to the Queen of Holland and almost fell over. ::)

Next we had the news that GD Anna, our dear spy, had a big surprise for us in the salon down the hall.  We all got up and trailed  the long hall of the palace.  

I'll let Anna tell you what she had inside this room for us. ;)

Take care and keep tuned in for the next installment of our trip to the palace at Baarn, Holland.......  Tsar Doug and the pet monkey, Rex. ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 11, 2005, 04:58:08 PM
Dearies,

So according to Dougie dear, I have a surprise for our guests in a particular room here at Soestdijk Palace hmmm let's see. Meatball zoop and cookies?
Well my dearies you'll have to wait, that's my surprise for now.

GD/GP Janet dearie , progressing at moonwalking? Thrilling isn't it?  I hope your performance will go smoothly on april 8th. I've heard we have to put on one white glove instead of two, is that so? Left or right hand? A cap before our mouths is that necessary, I can live with the sunglasses.
I don't hope you're going to treat the royal guests with those silly squeaking sounds- y'know the oohs and aahs, you were practising last week, I'd heard you :P

Have to run to prepare a big surprise, if I only knew what :-/

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: NAAOTMA on March 11, 2005, 11:15:41 PM
Dearies All,

I am so envious of your amazing comings and goings...as I have spent the week dealing with a boring old root canal...the only crown I will be wearing this weekend is the new one in my mouth!!!! Boo hoo...my mauve icepack and my mauve blender are getting a work out with this rude toothie! Caio for now, you Dearies With Exciting Lives...GD Melissa & Ortino II and Zemira II
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 12, 2005, 11:25:50 AM
Dearest Courtiers:  While we wait for our dear Anna to complete her project in the mystery room we are all learning how to do the Moonwalk.  The instructions are below.  GD Janet is also trying desperately to learn this wonderul dance motion.  I do understand that she is the only artiste in North America that can actually do the dance forward.  I am totally amazed!  She is such a wonder to us all.

Actually we royals having nothing to do any way so we really don't mind waiting for the mystery room to open.

How to Moonwalk

Start with your feet together

Lift your right heel, put your weight on your right toe, make sure your right knee is bent

Slide your left foot back (keep it flat) and keep your left leg very straight

When your left foot is all the way back, do the following all at once:

   * Put the right heel down by straightening the right leg
     Put the left heel up by bending the left knee and shift your weight to the left toe.

Now slide your right foot back and make sure it stays flat until it is all the way back.

Also make sure that your left knee stays bent and your left heel stays up until the right foot is all the way back.

Then shift your weight etc...

REMEMBER:
The sliding foot is always flat until the very end of the movement.
The stationary foot is always up on the toes until the very end of the movement.

We'll having a great time staying overnight at this old palace and  feasting on all of this wonderful Dutch food.  We love it.  Tsar Doug and the imperials at Baarn, Holland







Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 12, 2005, 01:06:28 PM
NAOTMAA dearie,

Melissa dearie, soooo sorry to hear you're having such terrible tooth ache :'(
Just for my information the crown is it a golden one with a tiny little diamond, I'm gonna be so jealous. I advice you to choose that one my dear, latest fashion and your smile will be irresistible, I can tell.

So this must be the reason you're not present here at Soestdijk palace in Holland. The GD/GP Janet couldn't make it either, she's too busy transforming herself into the biggest star royalty is ever seen. I do hope she's leaving her nose just the way it is -Russian style-.

I hope your Baron von Crankypants (exellent breeding is he?) is taking good care of you. I do love to meet him, we only know the little doggies Ortino and Zemira.
I'll sent you chocolate-milk instead of chocolates-too hard- and of course my latest CD -tradition when a familymember is fallen ill.

I have to run as always :-/ Queen B is giving a state dinner for Tsar D tonight and they already started the first course.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 13, 2005, 04:12:54 PM
Dear Courtiers and members of the Dutch Royals: 8)

Our Dear GD Anna put on a gala royal dinner for us at the Palace here in Baarn.  Anna, always one to break with imperial tradition insisted on serving Queen B and myself.  She even gave a few morsels to our little monkey Rex who decided that he wanted to sit on my shoulder during  the dinner.  

Of course all did not go well with the  flambe salad.  My eyebrows were singed off and Rex fled the room in a panic.  Naturally Anna had the fire brigade at the ready and they doused the entire salad, table, desert tray and the Queen with much water.  Come to think of it we all had a merry time, not withstanding the fire and the subsequent alarms that sounded all over town. ;D

After dinner I descretely did enquire of Anna about her upcoming surprise.  She said that everything would be revealed at a later time. :-/    She did say that the cement was not quite dry yet. ::)  Whatever did that mean? ;)

GD Melissa was missed for the dinner but  I did receive a secret report that she is planning a great festival somewhere in Russia but I do not know where. 8)

All set for another night here in Baarn, Holland, waiting what Anna has in store for us and wondering where Rex has  been all night.   All the best........Tsar Doug and the household staff here in the land of wooden shoes and windmills that stand perfectly still, ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 13, 2005, 05:26:43 PM
Dearies,

The gala royal dinner I organized happend to be a great succes :D It ended up in a great mess as usual. When the fire brigade turned up to put out the flammable salad (my own recipe) many of our Russian guests thought it was a gala performance of the Dutch National Ballet. Everything and everybody was completely soaked, so Queen B suggested we all went to the kitchen.

I must say, Queen B looks so much better with her new wet look and Tsar D has quite an interesting expression on his face now his eyebrows are singed off.

We had al lovely time in the kitchen, we sang old Dutch songs while washing the dishes and Dougie dear even tried to dance with wooden shoes on the kitchen table.
Later QB told us stories when Dougie dear was a little chubby tsarevich, she showed us some photo's. Soo cute Dougie dear in a little white dress with little black shoes.

Only one strange thing my spy eyes noticed, I missed Rex the cat and some members of the Imperial staff, I was sure I had seen them in the dinning room :o

I'll incuire that later, for now we have cheese and hot chocolate in the kitchen.

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on March 13, 2005, 08:35:54 PM
From the cage paper of Dmitri, the Parakeet Presently Known as a Budgerigarevich:

Today Cossack Baby spoiled Tatiana's and my wedding cake practice by proceeding to EAT the frosting off the cake.  Sister tried to tell Cossack that tomorrow starts Great Lent and the fast:  only seeds and veggies from now on, no treats!  But Cossack is not committing to memory Akathists to the Saints as much as he remembers old beverage slogans lately, like the one that says:  Go for all the gusto you can!  Boy, is he going to have an upset stomach and make a mess in his cage paper tonight.  We almost feel sorry for him.

I wonder if we will still go to any fancy English Naslednik's wedding party after all.  The American tabloid reads on the cover something like "Camellia's Dream Wedding - NOT!"  Did I spell her name right?  I don't know.  I'm a parakeet and I'm ok, I sleep all night and I chirp all day.

Love, Dmitri.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 15, 2005, 12:42:04 PM
Dear Courtiers of our Imperial Courts; :D

This morning whilst I sat for tea and cakes here at Baarn, Holland  one of  Queen B's maids noticed that my eyebrows were gone [remember the flaming salad?].  Well, without any hesitation she broke out her makeup kit and painted  on huge eyebrows above my eyes.  Most amazing. ;D  

Next our  loyal and dear doorman and valet,  Mr. Jones, [he's an octaroon - which means he is one- eighth negro--- born of a white and quadroon] brought us a message from GD Anna. :-/

We're all wondering what has happened to GD Janet and her red dancing shoes.  If anyone hears  from her please respond with a post to our board.

8)

All for now and happy with my temporary eyebrows for the highbrows.  Tsar Doug and the Dutch royals here at Baarn. ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 15, 2005, 08:34:46 PM
Dearest T.D.--

No need to wonder, I simply remain in seclusion as I continue to train for next month's gala event. But every now and then I "lurk," so how nice of you to be thinking of me!  :-*

I must say that things have been rather rambunctious over there in Holland.  Is Rex a cat or a monkey? Or perhaps there's both a cat and a monkey? Ah, no matter, tho' it would seem you might need to invite the local fire battalion to your next soiree. Flaming food can be ever so dangerous.

Now, as to your directions for the moonwalk . . . very helpful indeed, my dear T.D. How about providing us the secret of the hokie-pokie as well?

And what interesting company y'all keep! Mr. Jones an octoroon? I've only heard of maroons . . . as in Bugs Bunny's immortal line, "Whatta maroon!"  ;D

Of course I shall keep my nose! After all, as a six foot grand duchess, I think it balances my face rather well, don't you? Besides, I do an absolutely smashing imitation of Barbra Streisand.

By the way, still hoping to hear from Baron Von Crankypants. There's nothing like hashing over good times with a dear old aimee. GD Melissa, you really must relinquish him one of these nights--er, days--if only for a few hours.   ;)

Well, time to tippy-tap away in my red shoes . . . Oops!  :o Just about fell over. That's what happens when you have a distinctive nose.

The terpsichoric, shnozzola-blessed and still-has-her-eyebrows

GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 16, 2005, 12:59:15 PM
Hello to all of the Imperial Courtiers & art lovers:

Our tailor tried to fix my trousers but his sewing machine was all cranky and he had to take it to town to have it fixed.

When he returns to the  palace and completes his work on my various imperial costumes we are all going to the Rembrandt museum to see if they have any old Rembrandts they would like to sell.  I do understand that some of them are getting rather dusty and need a quick varnish to make them sparkle. :D I understand they will take cash.

Then we proceed on to other museums to see about buying a Vermeer or two.   :D

I say one's art collection is never too much. ;)  And of course we always buy the very best.  I think that  Anna would like a Van Gogh for her palace. :D

All for now....Tsar Doug who is off on an art buying binge. ;D ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 16, 2005, 05:09:08 PM
Dearies,

The whole imperial bunch went on tour in Amsterdam. I gave the guide some instructions no coffeeshops - we drink coffee at the palace and no area where the colored light's are burning at daytime. He understood exactely what I meant and with a lot of noise the Imperials went into the special orange bus.

Dougie dear, y'know I'm more into jewels, but I adore Van Gogh, so buy me that painting with the Sunflowers.

In the meantime I have to make an official announcement:

Meine damen und herren,
Mesdames et messieurs,
Ladies and gentlemen.

Willkommen,
Bienvenue,
Welcome,

No cabaret this time, but as promised the official grand opening of the mystery room at Soestdijk Palace, Baarn.

I've  placed crush barriers, please form a queue, Tsar D and QB first. There will be entertainment if queuing takes more than one hour.We advice to wear comfortable shoes, no cameras and sunglasses allowed. Courtiers under the age of 18 only under escort.


Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 16, 2005, 08:26:13 PM
Sink me, Spy Anna is studying for the role of the Cabaret emcee.  :o  Okay, Anna darling, but I simply must insist on playing Sally Bowles. Divine decadance and all that, don't y' know!

Yours for screaming in train tunnels--

The GD/GP Janet and her Red Shoes
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 17, 2005, 10:01:43 PM
Hello Dear Courtiers and members of the Imperial Lawn Bowling Club: ;D

We all await with great excitement for Anna's Mystery Room at the palace to be revealed.  I am having our court photographer there also to record the entire gala affair and send prints to Vogue Magazine, Field & Stream and Hollywood Reporter. :D

Also, I do hope that GD Janet will please come out of her retirement and rejoin the royals for this wonderful social event  of the new century. ::)  Her views of such matters are always great to read in the Business Section of the Tsarskoe Selo  News. ;D

I am appearing on the cover of  Mechanics Illustrated with our new snow plow and dog sled. :D See you soon....Tsar Doug and the barking hounds of heaven.

8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 18, 2005, 05:36:48 AM
Dearies,

Be patient. I only can say: Feel the magic in the making.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 18, 2005, 02:02:32 PM
Attention Courtiers:  My Secret spies tell me that GD Anna has been talking to the most expensive catering company in Holland.  Also, someone saw a huge block of ice being brought into the palace along with the seating for a rather large orchestra or jazz band. :D  Although the windows of this mystery room are covered I did peek in the other day and saw some workmen placing large lights around the room like they have for making a movie. 8)  Pray tell what is our dear Anna planning? ;D  Tsar Doug....lurking around the palace for clues. ;D  Will her friend Leonard di C. be appearing? ;)  Is she planning a blockbuster film to be made of this soire?  :o  

Notice:  Queen B's hair suffered major damage today when one of the workmen   ran into her in the hall of the palace.  This close encounter caused her hair, which is plastered with spray, to be completely overhauled by the palace hairdresser.  The hapless workman was sent to another palace to work as any damage to the Queen's hair causes extreme stress to her Majesty.
Title: From Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 19, 2005, 01:50:56 PM
Dearest Tsar Doug:

As it turns out I will be unable to attend Grand Duchess Anna's special event and the unveiling of her mystery room . . . more's the pity! But as you know, I must concentrate on my Art (the discipline, not the person) so that I might be ready for the equally big event next month over in Merrie Olde England. My singing and dancing lessons are exhausting, but I must remain true to my motto, "Anything for Art." (Again, that's the discipline, not the person.)

In the meantime I have opened subscriptions to Vogue, Field and Stream, The Hollywood Reporter and Popular Mechanics so I might read about all of your Royal Holland goings-on. And yes, I can feel the magic in the making, and it's giving me a bit of a tummy-ache. So if anyone has any Pepto Bismo, please FED EX some to my chateau.

I must admit that it is difficult to be so disciplined and to even miss out on the Imperial Lawn Bowling meet, but Art (not the guy) and I will not be separated. So I continue to train, train, train . . . and of course to send, on a regular basis, my column for the business section of the Tsarkoe Selo Gazette.

Still haven't heard from Baron Von Crankypants. But I am practicing some of the songs his Better Half recommended. Per the Grand Duchess Melissa's suggestion, in fact, I have a splendid dance act developed around "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend." My strapless pink formal--the one I wore many years ago at my GD/GP coming out party*--will be just perfect, and I've already enlisted a bunch of male dancers in tuxes to move around me as I sing. I do need five or six diamond baubles to wear and toss at selected audience members, but have sent away to the Kremlin for those . . . I'm sure Vladdy Putin won't mind loaning them for the event.

And as for those budgie cage papers . . . well, I just hope my column isn't being used for their interior decoration.  >:(  Hear that, you cute lil' keets?!  :o

BTW, the budgies and their indigestion remind me of a line from an old movie. Jean Harlow is attempting to clean out the cage of some tweety-pie and at one point glares at him and says, "Whatcha been eatin', cement?!"  ;D

Ah, but I digress. So back to terpsichore and song I go, and here's hoping that all of you Claimants have a splendid time at GD Anna's Mystery Event!

The Still-Secluded GD/GP Janet and her Art  ;)



* Actually, with considerable help from that strapless formal, it was a coming out party in more ways than one.  8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 20, 2005, 01:13:37 PM
Dearest GD Janet and Courteous Courtiers of the Consellations:

Yikes, pray tell what does our dear GD Anna, and famous spy/musician,  have in that Mystery Room at the palace?  We are biting  our nails to the bone in anticipation.  Could it be a birthday party, a musicale, a grand dinner party, a car show, a wedding, a movie in the making, or lord knows what? Is she planning a reception for C & C. after the wedding?

I hear the the wedding of C & C will be on  TV  so we must have our TV makeup on.

Of course  no one can even imagine what our poor dear Camilla will have done to her face.  Even Max Factor would have to call in the facial makeup experts to do major damage control to make her TV ready. ;D I did hear that the curators from Mt. Rushmore are being consulted.  After all , they did a great job on the granite nose of America's first presidente, Mr. Washington, formerly of Mt. Vernon, along with mega-wealthy wife Martha .

All for this morning dearest courtiers of the regal  realm....we're off to the tulip festivale for some coffee and chocolate....

Tsar Doug and the monkey Rex the Magnificent, of former organ grinder fame.  :D ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 20, 2005, 06:07:02 PM
Dearies,

Special bulletin on Dutch tv and in all newpapers from our freelance royalty watcher, Mrs Bucket (aka Mrs Bouquet):


Mrs.B:
My dear GD/Spy Anna, you look gorgeous as always and what fabulous sunglasses you're wearing today.
Anna:
I know, next question.
Mrs.B:
Is it true your collection of jewelry were gifts from royal admires and high placed persons?
Anna:
Yes.
Mrs. B:
We all know you're a famous singer/poet and dancer, did you inherited this talent from your Russian ancestors?
Anna:
Suppose so.
Mrs. B:
It is said you're a confindante to Tsar D, the G/GP Janet and other imperial court members, could you tell us more about that?
Anna:
Ask them.
Mrs. B:
Now about that mysterie room of yours, are preparations going along well and may we have a glance into that room?
Anna:
Yep and no.
Mrs. B:
When will you reveal the secret of that room to us? Tsar D can't stay forever in Holland and we people can hardly wait.
Anna:
Soon.
Mrs.B:
So far our interesting interview with the talkative GD/Spy Anna. We wish to thank you for receiving the camera crew and me so friendly on your lovely palace today, and telling us so much about your interesting and busy life as an imperial court member.
Anna:
Naff off.

PS: The GD/Spy Anna wanted us to pay her for her rare interview-diamonds would be lovely she said. 8)

Mrs. Bucket (aka Mrs. Bouquet) never interviewing a GD/Spy again  :-X
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 21, 2005, 03:16:51 PM
Dear Courtiers:  The Russian Court has just been told that if we desire to stay any longer at the Soestdijk palace here at Baarn Holland we must pay the Queen of Holland two million euros a month rent. :o

We're going to ask our representative, GD Anna, if that is a good price or is it too much.  I sincerely hope that Queen B will not turn out to be a slumlord and also require us pay a huge security deposit.  I know we have a bad reputation thanks to Tsar Peter and all the tomfoolery he caused when here and there on his visits.

I have asked all of the Russian Imperials to please not roller skate in the palace halls and not to hang and swing from the chandeliers in the various salons where we have our indoor BBQ's, Russian style.

All for this great day in Holland......Tsar Douglas ...possibly about to leave at a moments notice........  :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 21, 2005, 09:03:14 PM
Darling T.D., Grand Duchess Anna, and All Other Claimants:

I cannot resist sneaking a peak at what you're up to, despite my 23/7 life of artistic discipline. So sad, of course, to have to desist rollerskating up and down the hallways and swinging from the chandeliers, but I suppose that is what being an Imperial Claimant is all about.

As for the interview with Hyacinth Bucket--well, my dear Anna, you certainly acquitted yourself . . . er . . . well! Nothing like keeping up appearances, I always say. And especially in front of journalists such as the estimable Hyacinth. So glad, too, that you used the royal term of affection to close out your interview. I should think Hyacynth was quite flattered.

Ah, me . . . back to my song and dance.

Wishing the #$@#! wedding was over and I could once more spend my days in front of the telly noshing on pretzels and bon bons, I remain--

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. Tsar Doug, have you tried buttering up Queen B. with a few "naff offs"? Couldn't hurt!  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 22, 2005, 11:30:55 AM
Dear Ones All:  I have just sent a note over the England so that Mrs. Bucket can come and give us some advice on keeping  up our appearances here at the palace.  I do understand that she is an expert on the social graces and we Russians do need a bit of nipping and tucking in that department.   ;D  Our dear GD/Spy Anna knows all the right people and has the best social connections.

We do hope she arrives in time so that she can advise us as to the royal graces and proper bows before the new Queen to be of our dear cousin country England. :D ;)

Rumor has it that Queen Camilla has been the the Tower of London to look over the royal crowns and jewels  for a proper fitting of her crown.  One of the Yeoman of the Guard did remark that she is so strong that she could wear two crowns at once.  Oh my. ;D

Got to go, here comes Queen B with her rent notice and I have got to look into my bags for some gold coins. ;D  She claims she needs the extra cash to keep her hair in place,...I'm sure!

Cheerio  and all that rot....Tsar Doug and the Imperial Suite 8) ;) ;)

***************************************

Update:  News is that Camilla does not want to be Queen!

How rude!  This is a total outrage.  I demand that she be Queen!  How can she dine in Buckingahm Palace and receive the Imperial Court of Russia and not be Queen of England?  This is impossible and we will not stand for it.

I say, Long Live Queen Camilla! ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 22, 2005, 05:57:17 PM
My dearies,

Alas, the mystery room is becoming a mystery case on itself!! It's vanished, gone, fini, finito ???
 
This morning I wanted to dot the i's and cross the t's, so I could unveil the big secret this afternoon. I unlocked the door and it was all empty. Was it Queen B who did this, sold everything to be sure Tsar D's rent would be paid? Or was it Dougie dear, so he would be sure he could pay the rent??  Dearies, imagine how devasted I was. I wanted to faint but there was nothing in the room to faint on, so I canceled that.

We shall never ever know the secret of that mystery room, it's a real pity.......sigh :-/

So we have to concentrate on polishing the image of our Imperial Court. Mrs. Bucket is coming over to give some masterclasses in etiquette. She will learn the suite how to give sophisticated dinners by candlelight, how to put a stamp on a letter and how to use the Royal Doulton with the hand painted periwinkles.
I have made special arrangements for Tsar D, it's time he learns to eat with knife and fork.
If there's any time left, maybe the budgies could attend these classes too.
Mrs. B is also very proud of her vocal skills, I thought it would be nice if she could sing a duet with the GD/GP Janet.

It looks like the Imperial Court will be busy till the wedding in april. I of course won't have to follow etiquette classes I'm already poshest enough.

Anna 8)

Ps: Mrs B. asked if Camilla will have room for a pony after her marriage.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 22, 2005, 06:43:29 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

I too have heard the shocking news about the Mystery Room at the palace.  Yes, I  saw the things being removed from the mystery room.  It took a whole train to transport all of  the many items and movie props from the Mystery Room.  I did hear someone say that the gold leafed items were going to a palace in England but this is only a rumor.  I did notice that a diamond tiara was left on one of the window sills, along with an empty wine bottle.

After weeks of waiting and  wondering  we were told by the Queens' own hairdresser  that the Russian Court must immediately decamp from the palace. :) , empty the ashtrays and turn out the lights  before we leave.

There were tears and sadness all around but then this was followed by great joy as we were finally going home to our dear Tsarskoe Selo just in time to prepare for the Big Event in England next month. :D 8)

We're all looking forward to the lessons from Mrs. Bucket and the some of her indoors/outdoors BBQ's and  finger food.

Tsar Doug ;D and the traveling Courtiers........... ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on March 22, 2005, 07:02:02 PM
From the Imperial Veterinarian-approved cage paper of HIM ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Ph.D of all Bird Brains, etc., etc., etc..

We ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, being kindly disposed towards any progress towards the proper deportment of Imperial Avianages, hereby decree that the younger members of the Imperial Budgerigar Court, namely:

HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI-ALEXEI PERCIVAL GEORGE;

TIH the Great Keets NICHOLAS TIHKON and COSSACK BABY;

and TIH the Grand Budgiesses TATIANA MOLLY and ALEXANDRA MAGGIE;

will immediately be enrolled in the etiquette courses being so graciously offered by the eminent Mrs. Bucket.  It is to be hoped that these cute little Imperial Fledglings will learn thereby how not to 'behave like young savages'.   Sister Birdkeeper heartily concurs with OUR august decree.

ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 22, 2005, 09:33:19 PM
My darlings, let me confirm the awful awful news . . . relayed to me by a little budgerina--er, birdie: GD Anna's mystery room has been pinched --yes, pinched, I tell you! On my fabulous faux Faberge, I declare it to be so! And the pincher is . . . oh oh oh, it's just too too awful to say outloud!

But to recap, just as Tsar Doug mentioned, everything began to disappear into a train . . . a boat train, to be more exact. Bound for a country across the waves, where someone someone never ever ever will be slaves . . . Oh my dears, do I have to spell it out?  :-[

Very well, here's another clue: Think about the role a previous mystery train played in the life of a certain royal, just about to marry, who--it is said--met his inamorta the night before the ceremony in said train.

Yes, dears, I'm afraid so. The contents of Anna's mystery room . . . have  :'( become  :'( part  :'( of a--a-- :'( [glb]wedding dowry ! ! ! [/glb]  :'(  :'(  :'(  There, I've said it!   :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o :o  :o  :o

Now, everyone dummy up . . . loose lips sink ships . . . we'll just pretend it never ever happened. La la la la la la la . . .  8)

The GD/GP You Know Who
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 23, 2005, 11:20:31 AM
This must be some sort of royal revenge. Our dear GD Anna spent a fortune preparing the Mystery Room and now it has been purloined and carted off to another kingdom as a Wedding present and dowry. They never forget about that bad cup of coffee they had at the palace in 1537.  

Can't they just move on and let bygones be yesterdays stale pancakes?  No, they have to have their birthday cake and eat it too. I still remember reading about the Queen and her remark to the masses, let them eat cake. I blame this on my English nanny, Doris.  Such a dear, really more like a mother to me.

Now it's That Woman who desires to take the throne one way or another.  I knew it.  The Duchess of Windsor is having a good laugh today wherever she is. ;D  

If she doesn't want to be Queen then I have the perfect solution.  Prince Charles shall be Queen.  Few people know that English law provides that  the monarch can be a man and a woman at the same time.  Leave it to our dear English cousins to think of that one. :D ;D

Oh well,  just another day like any other.  Weirdness everywhere, even in the bright days of Spring.  Cheerio dearest Courtiers and see you all at prayers this eventide....Tsar Doug and  soldiers of Ninth Regiment of Transylvania 8) ::) ;D  Yes, GD Janet is correct we are in La La Land
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 23, 2005, 11:48:46 AM
Quote
 

If she doesn't want to be Queen then I have the perfect solution.  Prince Charles shall be Queen.  


Please excuse my popping in to your very complicated & baffling thread but I just read this on the recent messages & couldn't stop laughing.  ;D ;D Please may I quote you in 'the Windsors'
Oh that's SO funny!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 23, 2005, 04:03:36 PM
Bluetoria my dearie,

How awfully nice of you to pay us a visit :D It's been a while we had quests, but our family travels around a lot and we prefer to be somebody else's guests, sooo much cheaper, but of course you're welcome. Do you like blinis and bubbles and lots of tea?

Why do you think we are complicated and confusing my dearie? This is simply the way how our Imperial family lives. It's the way we are brought up, we can't help it.
You of all must know, we live in two worlds. It's tradition my dear, living in the modern world but also keep up the way it was, and this is sometimes very hard, I can tell.

Now when you're finished your tea and blinis, we can talk business. Dougie dear, for you Tsar D. of course,is in the library at the moment searching documents that proof the Heir of England can become Queen indeed. I will represent him if you don't mind :)
Tsar D. might be right, he already has proof in Shakespearian time men played the woman parts and used to wear dresses. Tonight he's going to visit some bars in town (incognito) to talk with some men who calls themselves queens too.
Charlie dear can make a choice to be king or queen, that the question. Although there's a sort of middle choice and that's being a dragqueen, we leave that for him to decide.

Bluetoria my dearie, hereby we grant you to quote our Tsar D's intelligent and witty remark in "the Windsors".

Would you be so kind to specify this request in duplicat for yours and ours administration.

Nice meeting you, the pleasure was all mine ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 23, 2005, 04:37:32 PM
Dear Anna,
How delightfully welcoming you are...but, with the greatest respect, I have the strange sensation that I have suddenly turned into Alice in Wonderland and have accidentally drifted in to the Mad Hatter's tea party. I was never in such a strangely enchanting place before.

I am most grateful for the tea & blinis & what a delight it has been to meet you all; but since I should hate to outstay my welcome I shall now wander back to the slightly less fantastical world of the Windsors.

I shall happily passon your messages of good will to all on the other thread and assure you we are most grateful to you for allowing to quote from your good selves!

What a pleasure it has been.
Good evening and thank you one and all  :)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 24, 2005, 10:50:44 AM
Dearest Courtiers and various Birds:

As Anna suggested I did travel incognito to one of those local bars last night to do some research.  Having never been to such an establishment before I was a bit out of sorts.  Being Tsar as you know I rarely travel out of our  Imperial Court circles.  Such a shock. ::) I must report that I did see several of our dear European royals cavorting inside the saloon.  My oh my, my lips are sealed.  The only hint I can give is: think Monte Carlo, Deutschland and England. 8)

Anyway, my research ended with nothing tangible so it is back to our palace at Tsarskoe and tending to the bunnies that roam around the place ;D

Tsar Doug....traveling back in time to meet with Tsar Peter the Great  at our next seance.



::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 24, 2005, 09:55:59 PM
Dearest Claimants:

Once again I find myself sacrificing for art . . . i.e., missing out on a visit from an outsider by the name of Bluetoria. We do receive so very few visitors to our claimant abodes, and so speaking for myself, how wonderfully fabulous it would have been to have gotten to know Bluetoria. But as you know, I am secluded 23/7 these days, in preparation for my appearance at The Great April Event. Ah me . . .  :-/

Now if she had stayed I certainly would have asked Bluetoria all about her life--how she lives, what she does each day, etcetera etcetera. We claimants become so insular in maintaining our royal falderol and therefore what a delight it would have been to have conducted such an interview! But alas, she found us too erotic . . . or is that exotic? Dear me, where's a dictionary when you need one?

Anyway, perhaps Anna can have her kitchen staff prepare some more tea and blinis with which to lure Bluetoria. And if one of you will send a communique to inform me of her return, I shall do my part by keeping the Doormouse at home and suppressing my innate urge to shout "Off With Their Heads"!

Now, if only I can find my flamingo croquet set. Curiouser and curiouser . . .

The Originally from Cheshire GD/GP Janet, fading fast . . . ;D


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 24, 2005, 10:02:34 PM
P.S. Could someone please retrieve Tsar Doug from his current debaucheries and various mystic encounters? Heavens to Betsy, next thing you know he'll be bringing some barfly back to the palace and asking us to shake hands with his ol' buddy ol' pal Peter. Whew, just think of all that wodka breath times two. Perhaps Anna could ask her kitchen staff to prepare some menudo while they're at it.  :P
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 25, 2005, 06:59:23 PM
Dearest Courtiers & Various Royals of the Realms:

A crisis in our  extended royal family is about to erupt in Monaco.  Here we have Prince Albert, age 47, not married and with no male heir to assume the throne,  down the road,  as we say in Russia.

Rainier III is about to take the great leap into the next dimension  and leave us with his darling son Albert.  Can Albert adopt a male to be his heir?  I might ask our son Prince Orloff if he would consider.  Any other ideas?

 Maybe there is a suitable male heir in the royal families of  Japan, Thailand, Hawaii or Tonga that might be able to be King of Monaco some day.  Remember now, we have to be creative in our thinking in these matters.

Tsar Doug...searching the underworld for an heir for Albert to adopt. :D ::) 8) ;) :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on March 26, 2005, 03:08:09 AM
Dear Tsar Doug
I have the perfect solution. I am divorced, a commoner and blonde so I would make a perfect Royal Bride to be. Apparently, these attributes are now the standard requrements for a bride to a Heir to a Throne.
I have already one batch of boys, so I am sure I could produce another.
Yours faithfully
Princess Pink






Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 26, 2005, 10:06:40 AM
Princess Pink dearie,

Aah, another quest :D Welcome my dearie!! A Pink spring bride, sounds wonderful and soooo romantic, but........
one minor point, you're a divorced Lady and you know what that means in our  Royal circles :o  Take my advice only loose affairs my dear-- y'know easy to get rid off and you keep the jewels ;)

No tears dearie, you're the only candidate on the list for now. Our family must discuss the matter in private with Tsar D. of course. He's a perfect matchmaker, he introduced Charles and Camila half a century ago to one another and see the result...

As a spy I first have to check your heritage and if you want me to I can speak up for you (I take diamonds ;) )
Please send us you're portrait or photo- face and profil- we don't accept retouched ones!! Add stamps if you want them back, but Tsar D. prefers to paste them in his scrapbook, so we can have a good laugh afterwards.

You'll receive of course an official statement of our Tsar, who at the moment is busy looking if he still fits his Easter Bunny costume.

I guess our GD/GP Janet has to take more weddingsongs on her repertoire

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 26, 2005, 03:51:37 PM
Dearest Claiments:

Och, my head is spinning, simply spinning, from all the weddings afoot. However, matchmaking does keep Tsar Doug out of bars and other low establishments, so I suppose I should be grateful.

Now, as to Prince Albert and Princess Pink . . . well, certainly no one can fault her for lack of fecundity. And the fact that she is blonde and a commoner is also a big plus. However, I'm not sure if Monaco accepts divorced princesses with ready-made families as brides for heirs apparent. Princesses already in residence in Monaco, of course, may marry and divorce at will, not to mention hatch as many chicks as they'd like before, after, and even during their marriages. All the same, candidate Princess Pink might run into some problems re: her divorce.

Now, as for myself, I am merely a bride left waiting at the altar.  Plus I am blonde--today, that is--and I think all who read these words will agree that I'm quite common. So, perhaps Prince Albert would like to consider moi?!

Of course, if Al attends the April event he'll have a good chance to check out my own abundant qualifications. And just think what I could bring to Monaco! I sing, I dance, I moonwalk. What more could a young--er, middle-aged--prince want?

I wouldn't want to cut into Spy Anna's finder's fee, nor deny Princess Pink's children a second daddy. All the same, Prince Al might find me quite the bargain.

Yours for something old and something new--

GD/GP Janet




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 26, 2005, 05:17:04 PM
GD/GP Janet dearie,

Don't think I've nothing else to do, but my secretary Zoya Hilariouskaya... ( yes the one with the wooden shoes, I felt sorry for her, belongs to my staff now :P) where was I..... oh yes, she's on Easter holiday and I have to type my own messages. Quite an experience I must say, I like to use these little yellow pingpong balls ::) :)

Nevertheless, come to think of it you're a perfect candidate for Prince Al too. Blond, great entertainer, no doubt a big assit to Monaco's economy. Think of all the stages in casino's, night clubs and cabarets you can climb on my dear. You don't have to send a photo of course, being a GD we have your portrait hanging somewhere in a dark Palace gallerie.

Oh... I can already see the headlines...."Are we drinking  tea with stuffy o'l Charlie and Cam... or are we drinking bubbles and swinging with Al and Jan".

Have to run, Tsar D's stuck in his Easter Bunny costume :-/

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on March 26, 2005, 05:39:08 PM
Hello to all
Well, you need'nt fear the jewells, I am rather cheap and only prefer emeralds ( they match my eyes, you see)
As for my heritage, I have a set of German grandparents, that should be ok? They have both passed on now, but I know of a Great Aunt or two still living in Hamburg. I am sure there are German cousins I could find over there somewhere.
I also sing very well in the shower and after quite a few drinks I think I dance rather well.
So there, see what you think of that....

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 26, 2005, 09:14:42 PM
Dearest Princess Pink:  I have just received word from the palace in Monaco that Prince Albert would  consider a marriage to yourself, for example, but it be a marriage of, shall I say, convenience.   ::)  As for a male heir to the throne of  Monaco, one of your sons would have to be considered by the Royal Court.  Are any of them interested? :D ;) :-/  They would have to be interested in mingling with the swell crowd of that southern city/state and know how to  check the books at the casino for any errors.  You know what I mean, of course. ;D [ they all know my bank account numbers]

I really do not know if our dear GD Janet is marriage material for the Prince of Monte Carlo.  I mean, she is very tall and the country is so very small.  If she stands up at a party she might actually have left the country. ;D  She'd be in the stratosphere. 8)  Also GD J. is all set to have her concession of goodies all ready to go at the wedding at Windsor next month. [Don't forget my usual commission, Janet sweetie,  of $.00002 %! on all sales of cups, tea towels and waffle irons!].

Good grief, here comes Zoya, GD Anna's secretary! >:(  This lady is a real bubblehead if I ever saw one.  Really now.....wooden shoes in March. ;D  What a hoot.  Hope she is able to get me out of this scratchy old bunny suit. :D  

When I get the final word from Anna on Lady Pink's pedigree I will send her some ice cream and a piece of Princess Grace's wedding cake.

Come to think of it I think I'll have some ice cream myself.  My favorite is that kind that comes in three flavors.  It think it is called cosmopolitan or some name like that. ;D What ever! :D ;D

All the  best and cheerios and other  breakfast  foods for the menudo crowd. 8)....Tsar Doug,,,..the tsar that really cares enough to provide a decent meal for his servants. ;D :D 8)

I must call Anna so that I can read some of her spy novels.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on March 27, 2005, 02:38:00 AM
Dearest Tsar Doug
I would be extremely happy to accept a marriage of convenience, as I believe they are the best sort. I shall fill my days with shopping, doing lunch, visiting the hospital and school, and perhaps I could take riding lessons.
I have 2 sons, an heir and a spare, they are both good at maths so they will fit in well at the casino?
Oh, and the odd weekend I could pop up to Denmark and visit my fellow Australian, Princess Mary, we are about the same age so I am sure we will get along nicely. I could also busy myself finding my long lost German cousins.
Waiting for word
Princess Pink

PS  I am 5ft 9  Is that ok?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 27, 2005, 12:13:45 PM
Dearest Lady Pink: :D

This is the official announcement.  You are,  as of today a part of the House of Grimaldi, which has ruled the Kingdom of Monaco since 1419.   ;D 8)  I've made all the arraignments for you to be installed at the Grimaldi Palace if you so desire.  Of course you will have separate quarters from the Prince as he is usually off with his pals.

::) But you can always have dinner together when the occasion arises...remember to always address  him by his full name and title:  Prince Albert Alexandre Louis  Pierre....or you can just call him Pete as I do.  Try and wear flat shoes because  of your height....you don't  want to tower over the Prince as GD Janet does.

Isn't it wonderful?  I do all of this by email and on the Internet.  I'm still working on the mating of our mares with studs by email but am having a bit of trouble with that one. ;D  Any suggestions?

;D :D ;D

Tsar Doug ....coloring Easter eggs today with GD Anna and approving the royal marriages of all the members of  the kingdoms everywhere and also in Moldavia.

Say hello to all of our dear friends in the land of OZ   ;)

Taking lessons in Monegasque this afternoon in the  Red Salon with GD Melissa,  spy Anna and  GD Janet who is just about to come out of seclusion.  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on March 27, 2005, 08:45:29 PM
Greetings Tsar Doug from the Land Down Under
Thankyou for your official announcement welcoming me into the House of Grimaldi. I trust that the plans for my upcoming nuptials are coming along nicely. I would prefer a suite of rooms in the palace with a clear view of the water from all angles, and if EVERYTHING within these rooms can be made pink in anticipation of my arrival by Qantas Airways next week that would be grand. ( I'm not fussy and like all different shades of pink) Thanx sooo much.....
I have ditched all my stilletoes and purchased several pairs of pink flatties and if you could let the Prince know I would prefer to call him Pete when he is around, let him know I encourage friends as it will hopefully keep him busy and I have other things to do...
One tinsy little request, I would like to have my honeymoon at Peterhof Palace (the one with all the fountains, dear) as I just love that old place. Then we can catch up, and oh, it doesn't matter to me where Pete has his honeymoon.
Just to let you know, I have perfected the light bulb wave, and am looking forward to my big pink wedding!

Princess Pink to be
PS I have been thinking, but have no suggestions at the moment regarding your current  animal problems.




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 28, 2005, 03:45:54 AM
Quote
 I'm still working on the mating of our mares with studs by email but am having a bit of trouble with that one. ;D  Any suggestions?


  



Your Imperial Majesty, Grand Duchesses, Princesses and Courtiers.
Please forgive my second intrusion into your enchanted world but I SO enjoyed the tea and blinis last time that I was I drawn to wander by your walls once more. I have been honoured by an invitation to the wedding of Her Highness Princess Pink to her Grimaldi paramour and so naturally I hoped by dropping by here I might learn how a to behave with appropriate decorum among such esteemed company.

As I was passing I couldn't help but overhear that Your Imperialness is having a problem with his equine matchmaking and I wonder if, in return for your graciousness during my last visit, I might offer a solution. Unlike your noble selves, I am a mere wandering minstrelette spending much of my time half-starving in a dismal garret on the edge of the chilly Yorkshire Moors, illuminated only by candle light, but I whistle well & when I whistle it has, Pied Piper-style, a certain effect upon creatures of a sensitive disposition. Since 'music is the food of love' my whistling will surely inspire your horses into the required action. Should you accept my offer, and should my efforts be successful, I ask nothing in return but would be grateful for the donation of any of your discarded candle ends to replenish the depleted stock in my ice-cold garret.
Fearing I have already taken up too much of your Imperial & Noblenesses time, I assure you I shall intrude no further into your magical world, and making a low curtsey, leave.
Ever your lowliest of servants,
blue.
 
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 28, 2005, 09:16:56 AM
Dear Alekseevich, I do not know if you have seen what I wrote to you on the 'Who Is The Rightful Heir' thread of Imperial Succession & the Throne. I hope that you have & I hope you do not think that this is anyway sarcastic, for it isn't intended to be.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: rskkiya on March 28, 2005, 09:17:38 AM
Quote
There is a lot of sarcasm, atempts at humor, and other non serious postings on this topic. But if anyone is interested, i am one person who has been victumised by claims of Russian Imperial lineage. Understand that the people making these claimes were my mother, the man she told me was my "real father" and people unknown to me who were obviously believers in the father my mother introduced to me. This is very serious to me. It has destroyed my life. I can tell you from experiance that hearing someone on the other end of the telephone say "You are my Tsar, your word is law." can be a very unpleasant experiance.
I do not have the means to have genetic testing done. My mother belived this story enough to secretly marry my "real father" in a Russian orthodox church. He claimed my mother's real father  was "a king" the same way mine was.
He told me what he remembered of being shot in 1918; The gun was put in his ear and he was shot. He remembered nothing after that until he woke up much later. He had been shot again while he was unconscious; the bullets were found in his clothing. This would strongly indicate he survived due to faulty amunition. Not that uncommon in 1918 Russia.
If anyone would like to pursue this in a serious manner, i would very much like to find answers.


Great ... :-/ :-/ :-/ Another grandmother story...
Post your story under "for serious claiments" under this topic, and please don't be too surprised if NOONE takes you very seriously!

Back to the silliness,
red rskkiya
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 28, 2005, 11:33:10 AM
Dearest Courtiers of the Imperialese Court of Russia and nearby renegade states:

[Dearest GD Blue:  Thank you for your offer.  I accept and please do not whistle any old Elvis tunes as the mares can't stand him....they like Ricky Martin of Puerto Rico.]

I just  got a phone call from someone saying "You are my Tsar and I obey your orders". :D  Naturally I ignore such phone calls because of the obvious status of my royal self and besides that,  I get them all the time. ;D

Just received a radiogramme and Telex from Windsor castle, west of London and nearby the Thames River, I think.

:-/

It very seriously states that I will be sitting next to Dame Edna at the  wedding for C & C.  ;D :D ;)

Your ever so upright and below the radar Tsar Doug and the Imperial kitty cat Coal.   8) ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 28, 2005, 12:47:09 PM
Red Rskkiya dearie,

You naughty girlie ;)  

Our family is very pleased to receive so many visitors the last few days, only one has to look carefully which path one takes.
I'm sure Alekseevich made a mistake, he must have clicked his heels three instead of two times......and y'know what happens ...you become suddenly part of our enchanting world. Sometimes this world is even nicer than the real...isn't it?  
Would have been nice to make acquaintances but he's gone to his own world :-/

Well, you're welcome anytime, in the world down under.

Anna 8)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 28, 2005, 01:09:16 PM
Bluetoria dearie,

You called yourself the lowliest of servants to Tsar D.
Go on a few messages like this my girlie and if he likes you enough ( well not as much as he likes me of course) you might start as a parlor maid. The long road to Lady-in waiting can become reality dearie. You'll never know.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 28, 2005, 02:01:11 PM
Oh my goodness me! I am quite overwhelmed at such a prospect. I could bid farewell to my icy garret forever and never have to beg for another crust. But I mustn't have ideas above my station...I shall away back to my garret in the edge of the Windsors....fol-de-rol, fol-de-rol...
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 29, 2005, 08:56:54 AM
Dear Alekseevich, it is very clear how troubled you are by all of this. I shall copy my answer from the other thread & post it here.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 29, 2005, 08:59:23 AM
This is the reply I wrote to you before. I sincerely hope you do not think it in any way patronising.


Dear Alekseevich,
I have read nearly all your posts, I think, on nearly all the threads (especially on those of the Empress Alexandra) and they are always very respectful and polite.  
It seems that you are trying very hard to discover the truth about your background and you father whom, you say, was believed by some people to be the Tsarevich Alexei. (Forgive me if I have misunderstood you.)
I REALLY hope you will not mind my writing this, as I do so only because I am afraid that you are opening yourself to a wide variety of responses some of which may be offensive to you - and since you always write so respectfully to others, I should hate to see that happen.
Perhaps, if you really believe your claim to be true it would be better if you were to find out who exactly the people are who telephone you and say you are the Tsar. Perhaps they have evidence or something. Alternatively perhaps they are not very kind to you.
Would it be better perhaps, too, if you were to try to establish exactly who your father was (ie. where he lived, when he met your mother, where he worked) before continuing to question whether or not he was the Tsarevich?
I write this very respectfully and hope you understand my motives for doing so.  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on March 29, 2005, 11:16:53 AM
My dear Alekseevich --

I second Bluetoria's suggestions wholeheartedly -- you need to deal with these people that are giving you the most trouble; those who have contacted you insisting these things about Mr. Tammet and yourself; and more importantly you need to find out who your true parents were.

BTW - the prevailing evidence in another thread suggests that St. Alexei was at least 5'3" when he last had his height measured as a pre-adolescent boy about a year prior to his captivity and murder.  Any growth spurt he no doubt would have experienced puts him taller than 5'3'.  If Mr. Tammet was only 5'0" as a grown man as you say, that alone points to his own suffering and self-deception.

My heart goes out to you - yet there is nothing an average person can do about your particular dilemma.  Again I ask what it is you would need to have done for you in order to bring you peace and resolve this matter so that these people let you alone.

With esteem and respect --
Elizabeth

[PS:  Budgie Court fans:  I will return to my birdie posts at a more opportune time.  As someone who reveres Alexei Nikolaevich I sincerely want to help this poor fellow.]
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 29, 2005, 10:27:13 PM
Dear Fellow Claimants:

Having just sent a private message of advice and support to the gentleman who is, I fear, in the wrong thread of this website, I will now pick up the baton once more. After all, we six foot tall GD/GPs are just filled with team spirit.

Now, as for Tsar Doug. . . well, sir, it amazes me that you would go right ahead and pick out Princess Pink as the official Bride of Monaco, in effect damaging the chances of yours truly.  Junior may have left me at the altar, but I can tell you right now that our night aboard that yacht off Florida was something to behold. (And I meant that literally; it has since been bootlegged onto the Internet, but oh well . . . if it could happen to Pamela and Paris . . . ) So you just handed over the whole shebang to Princess Pink? Fah, sir! And fah again!

Besides, as mentioned previously, unlike Princess Pink I would see to it that I was definitely not a wife in name only.  We six foot GD/GPs haf veys of making reluctant Princes . . . well . . . you know . . .

And really, I'm so used to hunkering down in my seat at movie theaters, I would certainly be able to fit into Monaco. (Though admittedly I might require a special postal code . . . )

This isn't the first time you and your shennanigans have upset the apple cart, T.D.  Perhaps it would be best for you to return to bars and other places of low behavior; your royal matchmaking has gotten waaayyy out of hand.

Chasing after those rolling apples, I remain

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. Thank goodness for the soon-to-be British royal nuptials and my scheduled star turn at said nuptials, as I can take out my frustrations with T.D. by lots of strenuous moonwalking rehearsals.  Though I  did fall down in the shower the other day. Oh, the agony . . . I may have to wear my pajamas to the nuptials . . .
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 30, 2005, 12:54:32 AM
Dearest GD Janet:

Please be kindly advised that I felt it  better for the world at large and outer space,  that Princess Pink, ne Royal Consort of Prince Albert,  be seated across that long, long table from the elf  Prince Albert than your dear talented  and imperial self.

As you know Princes Pink did so long to be away from that sun bleached land down under, especially all those rough and ready sheep shearers of the outback in that blazing sun of a land far, far away from a time of long ago and resounding with the chains and shackles of those never forgotten and dear departed and lost souls in that land of their timeless imprisonment for all epochs and eternity.

Just remember, GD J. your time is near, the clock is ticking, the bells they are tolling, the curtain of your everlasting fame will soon illuminate the world as no one ever has since Walt looked at that little mouse and said, "Hi Mickey"....the rest is history..  Your candle will burn brightly until the flame goes out . Why be a little nothing in Monaco when you can stride the world of cabarets and saloons, from Tierra Del Fugo to Nome, Alaska.  Think of it. . You will bring joy to the world when you moonwalk forward while chewing gum.

 Now does that explain it? ;D  In more simple tones, our dear Princess Pink is happy at last and has a large income to spend in Monte Carlo and her two sons are making sure to slip some of that extra casino money my way. You know we can't keep the lights on at the palace here in  Tsarkoe for nothing.

Tsar Doug...trying to make all our dear Courtiers happy for all time and even making sure our little spy GD Anna is covered in diamonds, furs, ivy and rubies. ;) :D ;D ::) :-/
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on March 30, 2005, 07:11:50 AM
Dearest Grand Duchess Janet
Please please dont be too upset darling that this time I am marrying Pete, after all we live in 2005, and everybody shares! So you can marry him next time!!!
I mean, after all that tiny teeny little place would have anybody bored in no time at all, after all I am from the Great Southern Land, we are not used to confining ourselves to tiny weeny teeny little spaces, so soon I may become awfully claustaphobic and in no time at all. I will soon have to start travelling.......permanently.....

So chin up, it 's not that bad, and I am sure you will be Royal Bride number 2. It's not that bad to be always second is it darling???
And just remember, I am shorter, blonder, far more common ( as a matter of fact, anybody who knows  me can vouch that I am, oh so very very common), and I am more divorced than you,
Regards
Princess Pink

By the way, Pete hates my complete pink wardrobe, so I have branched out and bought a few outfits in slime lime.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 30, 2005, 11:36:27 AM
I see that all of our courtiers are happy today in their appointed imperial roles.  Lady Pink is changing the colour of her clothes every day and is already bored being the wife of the little man we call Prince Albert. ;D

GD Anna is busy with her affairs of state on the continent and with keeping her jewelry polished and shown to all the town.  She wears at least twenty pieces every day and all at the same time.  She almost caused a huge traffic accident the other day when the bright flashes from her diamonds blinded a  banana cream pie truck driver. :o Can you imagine the mess?  

Lady Bluetoria is trying to apply for a job here at the palace in Tsarskoe as an upstairs and down the hall maid of all chores.  I think we will hire her on and see if she can carry an ice cream cone without spilling the contents. ;D

All the best to the imperial birdies, kitty cats and our new mares that our muse is whistling to every morning.......Tsar Doug and the GD Janet, who is still trying to moonwalk sideways and learn to speak fluent swear words in Finnish.   ;) :D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on March 30, 2005, 04:44:36 PM
Your Imperial Majesty, Your Imperial Graciousnesses & Courtiers,
You will find, I believe, that I have carried out my whistling to perfection & all your mares are now in foal.
A few verses of 'Kaiser Bill's Batman' followed by the 1812 Overture did the stallions a power of good!
May I therefore humbly beg the candle ends before returning home to my garret on the Yorkshire Moors to hand back the last piece of coal to the landlord?

Then if I may presume to take up your gracious offer, I shall return to commence my duties below stairs. Being of a very small physique, I may be best placed sweeping out the Imperial chimneys or some such task which requires slithering into narrow spaces.
Ever your lowliest (but with mounting ambition) handmaid & minstrelette,
bluetoria (who doesn't even merit an upper case letter for her name.)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 30, 2005, 05:41:51 PM
My dearies,

Recovering from the shock nearly causing a traffic accident yesterday, I decided to remain in my boudoir on my chaise longue for the day. Of course I apologized and explained  the poor truck driver I was just testing how many pieces of jewelry I could wear without stumbling. I'm not going to repeat what he said , only the man was very impolite :-[ After I gave him my latest CD and a wink over my sunglasses he drove off. Dearie me ::)

My sad mood vanished the moment I got that lovely message from Dougie dear, covering me in diamonds, furs, ivy and rubies, isn't that cute  :D :-*

I'm going to organize a huge auction, all my old fashioned jewelry will be sold. I no longer want to wear jewels of old admirers, only the new gifts of Tsar D.
Except, my diamond necklace with the heartshaped earrings, the most precious gift from my beloved Sam Reilly.......sob, who still got a special place in my spy heart :'(

There might be some royals who want to gain some exquisite pieces of blinkety blinks they can wear on the upcoming wedding. No biddings by phone please, I personally want to see who's going to wear my bright darlings. Every buyer will get a free CD of -" Anna's balalaika lounge music"-.

Auction will take place at my premises in Tulipland -don't walk on the grass and by entering my residence - Mind the wallpaper!!

Anna 8)

Ps:25% will be donated to a good cause.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 30, 2005, 08:22:22 PM
To:  Imperial Claimants All

From: The GD/GP Janet

Date: Later Than We Think

Subject: Tsar Doug, Princess Pink, and Their Remonstrations, Equivocations, and Disingenuous Prevarications


Humf. And harrumpff.  >:(

(Oh Al Al Al, how could you forsake me? Wahhhhhhh . . . .   :'(   :-[   :'( )
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on March 30, 2005, 10:09:26 PM
Dearest Imperial courtiers of the Realms:

What, pray tell are we to do with our GD Janet?  She is just beside her lovely self with grief at not being installed at the Grimaldi palace in that miniature country of Monaco. :-/

Is there some other high station that she may desire and actually be qualified to fill?  Remember we rescued her from that taco cart on the streets of Cuidad Tijuana, Baja. California.  We elevated her to a renown position of cabaret singer, dancer and  ice cream tester for Hagen Daz.  What more could she want? :-/  I even tried to get her on the Jay Leno show but they said she was just too tall to sing on that stage because the cue cards are written in Chinese.  

There are several vacant thrones that she might sit upon.

 I understand that the royal court of Moctezuma in Cancun is looking for a certain tall  lady to sit next to the Inca emperor and drink sacred chocolate.  Please relay by carrier pigeon this most recent and gracious offer to GD Janet in all haste.  

I can see it now.......GD Janet ,  Queen of .....  of the Inca Empire, Ecuadorial.   Wonderful and splendid.  But will she accept? ::) Will she retake the throne on that high mountain fortress of Machu Picchu?  Will Huell Howser and Ken Burns do a documentary on her life?

Tsar Doug ....wearing his serpent feather crown and appearing nightly with GD Anna at the Cantina in Teotihuacan. ;D ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on March 31, 2005, 04:44:00 PM
Tsar Dougie dearie,

I would love to go with you to the Cantina in Teotihuacan and take my new jewels and furs with me. Please wait till after the auction.

Btw can't we dig up some actor or artist for our desparate GD/GP Janet?
At least they'll have things in common and points of conversation, the two or three times they are together during their marriage. Maybe we can find another moonwalker? Imagine all those little moonwalkies.

Speak with her otherwise one of these days she's gonna moonwalk to the moon ::)

I've ordered twelve pairs of  new sunglasses, Fabergé sends you the bill, that's okay is it? ;)

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on March 31, 2005, 09:11:31 PM
Always an entertainer, never a bride.  :-[

The GD :'( / GP  :'(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 01, 2005, 10:00:50 AM
If I recall correctly didn't Princess Grace of Monaco give up entertaining and acting when she became Queen of Monte Carlo?  We are hoping that GD Janet might consider that also.  I mean really, is it proper that a GD be seen on the stage in those smoke filled saloons and salons of the lower half of Europe?  

Oh my, GD Anna,  ::) that invoice that I received from Fabrege.  Holy mother of pearls.  :-/  I may have to sell off the whole city of Tsarskoe Selo to pay it. :o

 Please send us a photo so that we may see what these blinks are. ;D And also send me a certified receipt of the weight of the jewelry.  If it is more than 300 pounds, please return a couple of pounds of diamonds to the store. I will not pay for anything more than 282 pounds of jewelry for any of the GD in a one month period.  I'm sure all will understand that my pockets are not that deep.

Tsar Doug.......paying bills by the cartload today. ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 01, 2005, 02:19:11 PM
Tsar D.

Okay, that does it >:( No dearie or Dougie today.

Why can't I have the jewels, you've promised me? The auction is over, everything is sold and I've got nothing left...sob, nothing to wear..... :'( :'( My poor neck and ears feel so empty, they're not used to this condition.What am I to do?? The wedding is next week :o

No more songs and meatball zoop.

Look what you've done another GD crying her heart out .......wahhhhhhh :'( :'(

Anna 8) ( Shedding tears behind her sunglasses ) :'( :'(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 01, 2005, 02:52:05 PM
GD Anna:

You must have misunderstood my message.   You can keep the jewels but the total  amount must not weigh more than 282 pounds [please convert to kilos - that is 626 kilograms!!!].

The bill I got here at the palace was for 300 pounds of gold and jewels of all kinds. ::)  That is just too much in one month. ::)

You'll just have to get along with 282 pounds of gold and jewels a month and not one pound more.  A small  baby pony weighs about  282 pounds or 626 kilograms!!.  Yikes!   ;D ::) 8)

Now dry your pretty eyes and be a good Grand Duchess,  have some chocolate and go for a stroll around the park.

Tsar  Doug....trying to convert pounds into kilograms. ;) :D ;D :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 01, 2005, 03:10:13 PM
Dougie dearie.

You maybe right,  626 kilo's is probably more than I can wear round my neck and in my ears. And it's just for only this month, I can live with that :)

I dried my tears, had some chocolate and went for a strole around the park, feeling much better now, thank you.
As an apology I'll play the balalaika tonight and we having ice-cream :D

If only we could cheer up our sad sad GD/GP Janet :-/

Anna 8)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 01, 2005, 03:21:09 PM
  And what shall you do with all of that jewelry, Aunt ;)Anna?  Of course, you shall wear it, I know that--a different pair for each day?;D
 What kind of ice cream are you serving? :P
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 01, 2005, 04:02:23 PM
Dearies,

This is really the worse of all days, I just wanted to retire in my boudoir suddenly the doorbell rang.

Guess who's coming to dinner :o
My beloved niece "the Duchess of Siberia and surroundings" known in the family as naughty Shivbi.

There she stood with a letter pinned on her chest. I grabbed the letter and shut the door. Dearies what a shock. Her dearest parents explained in the letter, they'd realized they didn't went on honeymoon 25 years ago, so off they went and leave their lovely daughter on my doorstep.

Alarm in Tsarkoe Selo, hide your jewels, the girl is like a magpie just as fond of blinks like here aunt- even worse ::) I have no other choice than to bring her in and let her eat chocolate ice-cream with me and Dougie dear :-/
Dearie me, I thought the cats and dogs were already enough, but now we have to deal with a royal teenager.

I think I have to lay down for a bit.

Anna 8)

Ps. Somebody recommends a good book on royal kids- doctor Spock perhaps?

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 01, 2005, 05:09:59 PM
  Oh my aunt Anna!  What wonderful jewels you have!  I was "taking a tour", so to speak::), when I came across some of your pretty jewelry.  I like the diamonds the best, when I tried them on I thought they were absolutely gorgous!!!!  The pearls and emralds were to die for as well.  I asked on of the maids what they thought, but they only mumbled something and scurried away.  You must let me borrow some--just for a day.  Pllllleeeeaaassseeee! ;D      
 How long shall I be staying?...  And, thank you for taking me in. :)

P.S. The chocolate ice cream was wonderful.  How about Cookies-n-Cream tonight?!

Duchess Shivbi :)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 02, 2005, 01:05:08 PM
Dearest Claimants All--

Just when you think your life is spiraling down the ol' bathtub drain, then someone else's situation becomes worse and you think, Golly gee willikers, I don't have it half so bad.  :D

Truth to tell, I suppose all that artistic seclusion was getting to me. And don't forget, of course, being undercut by that interloping Princess Pink, the hussy! Plus I was astonished to learn that Tsar Doug has been footing enormous jewelry bills for the Grand Duchess/Spy Anna, when poor lil' ol me become tremulous just to ask for a mere 100 pounds of gold and jewels per annum, let alone per month. In fact, the astounding news that each month T.D. foots up to 282 pounds of bling bling per claimant shocked me and sent me into a royal claimant tailspin.

And then I heard about The Return of Shvibzik.

My dears, I am convulsed! Really, you have no idea!  

Fact of the matter is that yours truly had Shvibzik turn up on her own doorstep some time ago, and for any of you who've ever seen "The Man Who Came to Dinner"--well, need I say more?!  

It all began quite innocently, of course. She showed up with a note pinned to her coat (sound familiar, dear Anna?) which said, in part, "Dearest GD/GP Janet, We know you'll be delighted to take care of our darling Shvibzik while we take a fourth (or is that fifth)  honeymoon at dear dear Monte."  

So, of course, being imbued with the ol' Imperial Claimant Family Spirit, I took her in. And things were rather delightful at first. Although Shvibzik did have a tendency to eat up all my Cookies and Cream ice cream, she was really such an amusing child, flitting hither and yon, then yon and hither. I even caught her imitating my stately, duck-like walk one day . . . which I actually found quite amusing, thinking what jolly good fun it was to have a young--er, younger person about the premises.

But then came the day when she asked to see the family jewels. I told her that currently there were no men on the premises. "No, no Auntie," she said, stamping her pretty little foot. "The rocks. You know . . . the bling bling!" Not having been around a teenager in recent times--though of course I am myself the very personification of Eternal Spring--it took me some minutes to understand what she was talking about. Finally, however, I understood and showed her my collection of paste jewels, made of only the finest Elmer's glue.

At this point, however, dear little Shvibi became enraged. "I wanna see the bling bling!" she yelled, throwing herself on the floor and pounding it with her fists, then stomping around and slamming doors.

Well, my darlings, what could I do but vacate my own palace? And now you know why I have become a peripetetic GD/GP on the run . . . these teenagers really can take over your life it you let them. So, dear Anna, enjoy your bling bling while you can, but don't be surprised if your next inventory shows some discrepencies!

Back to my own happy-go-lucky self, I remain

The single and loving it

GD/GP Janet

P.S.  I have heard that someone who's getting married this coming week and whose initials are P.C. is becoming awfully awfully cross and sulky. If this keeps up, we may have to send him to the time-out corner. What do you think, my fellow Claimants? (Spy Anna, you don't need to reply as I'm sure you're quite busy these days entertaining Shvibzik and thumbing through your "I Am Not Spock" book in search of tips for dealing with teens.)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 02, 2005, 01:23:34 PM
  Ah yes, and the Cookies-n-Cream incident as well.  It's not wise to come between Cookies-n-Cream ice cream,  jewlery, and me.  It results into a hazardous catastrophe.  You can ask all of my reletives that have had me land on their doorstep. ;)
 Time to go raid the kitchen--I suddenly had a strong craving for potato chips... ;D

Shvibi
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on April 02, 2005, 04:42:11 PM
Overheard in the Imperial Aviary nursery:

'Sister Birdkeeper, did the nice man searching for St. Alexei find his way out of here all right?'

'I think so, Lancelot-chik.  May God grant him a safe journey, for St. Alexei is in heaven and it is a long enough way there from here, worth taking.'
 

'And is there a nice lady who takes care of horses here now, and a young lady that reminds us of St. Anastasia?'

'Yes, Baby, I think there is.  We must greet them with tea and heather honey and bread and raspberry jam.  We don't seem to have any salt here at the moment.'
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 02, 2005, 06:16:59 PM
My Dear Auntie(s),

The palace is absolutely wonderful.  I enjoy snooping around, looking at the jewelry and for secret stashes of Cookies-n-Cream ice cream--oops, did I say that aloud? 8)

It feels good to be away from Siberia and Surroundings.  Quite dull at times, the sled dogs, the cold, and all of the snow and ice.  One of my tudors slipped on a patch of ice once and broke his ol' back!  I probably should have been utterly dissapointed, but actually it seemed like a miracle--I was supposed to have a test the following day... ;) ::)

And then there was Papa and his craving for anything fancy.  He enjoys going out on regular shopping sprees and usually returns nearly bankrupt after spending nearly all of the royal treasury! :o

My, my.  Yes, it is a good thing he loves the tropics.  He insists on going there whenever he can afford it (which isn't often, he and Mama always spend it on fanciful things before they realize what they've done).  And then there are the times he just is sick of my complaining and in the middle of bankruptcy he just---

Ah, my stomach calls.  Time for that ice cream and Auntie Anna's balalaika playing. ;D

Shvibi :)  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 02, 2005, 08:17:02 PM
Dearest Courtiers and all the little denizens of the forest:

Good to see that GD Janet is back to being her old happy self again.  To cheer even more I am sendong  her some of those gold coins today.  The kind that are filled with chocolate!  ;D

Oh, thank you so much GD Anna for the ice cream and the wonderful music of your  little balaliaka. :D  I was amazed that you can even play it with two of  the strings broken.   ::)  Such a talent we have in our little Anna of Olympic fame.  She can even ride horses standing up in the saddle just like Annie Oakley of American fame.

I see that Shvibi is making the rounds of the various imperial family members.  She is welcome here at the palace in Tsarskoe Selo if she leaves her bags outside. ;D
I will have the hall porters bring her some ice cream and cakes.  She can even have some of the candy that has my  face on each piece. :D ::)  Please be informed that your dear Papa cannot be bailed out of his spending by myself or the palace cooks, who spend all my money on caviar.

Tsar Doug and the imperial kitty Coal...whom I did teach a new trick to last week.   When he wants a cookie he has to put his little paw on my hand.



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 02, 2005, 08:24:57 PM
Quote
...She can even have some of the candy that has my  face on each piece. :D ::)  


Ooo!  Ooo!  Skittles and Jolly Ranchers!!! ;D

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 03, 2005, 06:10:49 AM
Dear All
It is of great concern to me that poor poor little Shvibzik is being overfed far too much ice-cream, cakes and candy. I mean, the poor cherub is going to grow to be ENORMOUS  :(
And then how will she ever marry a handsome Prince Charming???
The poor thing had better come and visit Pete and myself next so we can put her on a subtle diet which will include plenty of exercise. One must think of one's figure at such an age!!!
After all, we do not want her to remain a spinster like poor Grand Duchess Janet
>:( >:( :-[
Concerned
Princess Pink
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 03, 2005, 09:13:18 AM
Dear Pinklady,

I would love to visit you and Pete sometime.  Do you have any jewelry?  Cookies-n-Cr--- never mind. ::)

Now, don't become too worried about me growing enormous, I always have a daily run/walk with the Imperial dog, Gabby.  You know how she just loves her exersise.  Therefore I will remain with wonderful figure and Prince Charming shall fall deeply in lo--oh dear, I'm getting carried away... ;):P

Ah, there's the cook now.  Hmmmm...Doritos... ;D

Ta ta for now,
Shvibi

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 03, 2005, 06:52:00 PM
My dear dear Princess Pink--

In response to your latest entry, I spin not a whit, but I do moonwalk, sing jazz, and lately I've learned how to yodel. So I am thinking about incorporating that most recent talent into my wedding performance repitoire this week . . . what do you think?

Yes, I have imposed a certain . . . fastidiousness . . . on myself, as I am in artistic training. But in future, watch your Prince carefully, dear Pink, for I am a devil with the gents!

The non-spinning, but definitely swinging

GD/GP Janet   8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 04, 2005, 03:34:58 AM
Dearest Shvibi
Of course you can come and stay with Peti and I. We will look forward to that immensly,(especially me, but dont you tell him that) ;).
Now darling, I have fortunately come into plenty of jewellery, and you can share all of it and have some keepsakes for yourself, but I have already confiscated all the pink diamonds and emeralds and they have already been sent back to Australia for safekeeping, but dont worry, still plent to look at!!!
And you can still share a diet with Aunty Pink, after reading of all that ice - cream you have been consuming, forgive me, but I had imagined you resembled  that naughty little girl on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.....! She turned into an enormous round blueberry ball and had to be rolled away and juiced, not that I am suggesting you were naughty dearie, the sweets just worry me, is all....
Well Grand Duchess Janet, am I to assume correctly that you shall be performing Yoddeling at the upcoming nuptials of our beloved Charlie and Cammie's do later on this week???
That sounds splendid, can hardly wait, what a treat!
I am so glad you are keeping busy dear, amd remember, good things come to those who wait.........
Or God helps those that help themselves, one way or another!
(I prefer Option 2)
;D
Cheers, everybody
Princess Pink
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 04, 2005, 03:05:11 PM
Auntie Pinklady,

Yay!  Two vacations in one! ;D  Don't worry, Auntie Anna, I will visit you too. ;)

To Those Who Wonder How I Got Here (no, I did not fall from the sky or was sent from Heaven, no matter how angelic I may seem ;)):
 This is part of a letter I sent to my dear friend, Lady Megan.
 "My papa has done it again.  He and my mama have spent themelves bankrupt.
 Again, before they spent themselves silly, my dear, dear papa booked the fifth or sixth honeymoon with my mama in Monte :o.  He booked the grandest room of the grandest hotel, and then he and Mama went on a shopping spree.  Finally after spending all the royal treasury (again!) they boarded the plane and gave me some money for a taxi to Russia's Tsarkoe Selo to stay with my GD Auntie Anna.
 As me, my Auntie Anna has an obession for jewelry, or, as I prefer, bling bling.  But wait, I must finish my story.
 Well, that crude taxi driver stopped infront of the palace, and when I asked him kindly in Russian to please retrieve my things from the trunk, he gave me a quizzical look, saying something in what I thought was German.  In rough German, I tried to ask him again, finally ending up using poor sign language.  He roared something at me, and then I realized he was speaking hillbillie "Polussian"(Polish, Russian mix.  I couldn't help but have pity on the poor fellow.  He can hardly speak, for goodness sakes! :().  I tried to apologize for my mistake, but he thundered out of the taxi, before I could warn him that he hadn't popped the trunk.  Taking matters into his own hands (literally) he opened the now-dented trunk and grabbed my bags.  Of course, I stayed in the taxi waiting for him to properly open my door.  While he fumbled with my things, I quietly filed my fingernails.  
 Suddenly there was a thud, thud, thud at my window, startling me into such a panic that I filed my index finger lop-sided.  Finally I was able to understand the man, and he said (roughly translated), "Are ya gonna get outta tha car, missy?!"  Fumbling with the handle and nearly tumbling out, I stood before the palace.  I asked the kind (perhaps that isn't the best word to describe the him) man to please take my bags to the room my Auntie assigned me, and in a horrid fit of rage and cursing in his strange language, shoved the bags into my arms.  I yelled at him to watch the bling blings, but he had already stomped to the taxi, skidded, and sped off.  I had felt quite offended, and noted to myself to never ride in the taxi with he dice on the mirror. >:(
 I clamored up to the door and clumbsily rang the doorbell, setting some of the bags down.  Auntie Anna answered, looking thoroughly flustered.  She saw my feet first, then her eyes slowly came up and met mine, widened by surprise.  Like a cobra, she quickly grabbed the note from my parents that was pinned to my chest, and slammed the door.  I can tell you, I was quite agitated by the rude behavior of these people so far, and besides, the Imperial dog, Gabby, and I had a deep craving for a gallon of Cookies-n-Cream. :P
 Finally Auntie Anna reopened the door, gesturing me in.  She called on a servant lady, bluetoria (isn't it sad, her name isn't even capitalized!) to escort me to my room, which was thankfully by the kitchen.  Auntie Anna even played her balalaika and we ate chocalate ice cream! ;D
 Mr. Tsar has been quite kind, he has given me endless amounts of cakes, candy (with his face pressed on it, it says "Vote for Douglass!" although everyone knows you don't vote for royalty... ::)), and ice cream.  GD Auntie Pinklady has become concerned about my figure, and has inveted me to stay with her and Pete, but there is a catch--I'm going to have to give up my sugars and eat salads :'( ::)!  She says I can't marry Prince Charming if I grow enormous.  Of course, I assured her that the Imperial dog, Gabby, is keeping me in shape with her unsuspected bursts.  I then had to go because my Doritos were being delivered to me.:P  Auntie Janet also remembered me and recalled the famous bling bling robbery. 8)  
 We are headed to a wedding soon, which means shopping for pretty dresses and bling blings! ;D

  Relaxing in Luxury,
      Shvibi, Duchess of Siberia and Surroundings :)

P.S. My poor, poor Auntie Anna suffered a terrible loss today when we played a game to see who could wear the most jewelry without collasping or stumbling (she's done this before, and it almost caused a terrible traffic accident).  I won all the jewelry I wore (we betted), and now dear Auntie Anna lies in her bourdoir with a terrible migrane, her nose stuck in her Dr. Spock book. :D"  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 04, 2005, 03:06:27 PM
(Sorry for it being so long... :-/)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 04, 2005, 04:12:23 PM
My dears, what youthful spirits! Even I, a.k.a. Eternal Spring, am hard-pressed to keep up.  I advise that G.D. Anna, Tsar Doug and Princess Pink all take their vitamins and maybe enroll in a few yoga classes as well. It will take considerable endurance to keep up with, let along deal with, our amazing little Shvibzik.

And BTW, be sure to hide all your Cookies and Cream ice cream . . . I recommend a freezer with triple locks.  ;)

Back to my yodel practice, I remain

The GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 04, 2005, 05:29:00 PM
My dearies,

Oooh my poor head. Thanks GD/Janet for warning me, I couldn't believe that behind that angelic little face of our niece, hides a little vampire. She absorbs all my energy, takes all my jewelry and became Dougie dears favorite. They are hand and glove :( Am I jealous? No.... it hurts :'(

Dearie me the girl is a walking bin, she's eating all day, even took my place at the tea table. Looks more like a snack table: doritos, ice-cream, skittles, jolly ranchers :P Goodbye old tradition of cake and peanut butter sandwiches. Shivbi pours tea now for Uncle T.D., they laugh, they chat, they go on very nicely, totally ignoring me.
Today she tackled Count Slowkovsky when leaving his carriage, the footmen didn't recognize him --covered with mud-- so  access to the palace was denied.
She phoned the Princess Talksmuchevna, ( I dislike that woman) imitated my voice and invited her for dinner.
And Dougie dear backs her up all the time, saying she's just a little lovely girlie.
Well right now this lovely girlie, whose room is precisely above my boudoir, is having a disco on her own. I don't know what sort of music she likes but the beat is terrible.
So PLEASE Princess Pink, you may have her for a week or..... I do hope you'll still fond of her after your experience.

Aaah be sure when this little Duchess comes back, I have a nice English nanny and some very very kind teachers waiting for her ;D We are going to turn this Eliza in a real royal Lady.

Where are my aspirines.

Anna 8)

Ps:GD/GP Janet now yodel is on your repetoire too, I highly recommend the music of Olga Avalanche, she's a real expert!





Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 04, 2005, 06:01:30 PM
Your Imperial Ineffableness, glorious Grand Duchesses, & noble Princesses,

With humble apologies i (notice the lower case 'i' - i, being a mere minion) should like to tender my resignation. Much as I revel in the hallowed company in this strange never-never-land it is impossible for me to continue with my duties. i had no objection to sweeping your chimneys free of soot, bats & a variety of bird-life, nor to whistling to your slow-moving stallions, nor even to emptying the Imperial chamber pots & cleaning the cess pit.
Sadly, however, since the arrival of one of GD Anna's guests i have been upto my eyes in Dorito crumbs, crisp [or is that potato chip - forgive my old country patois] bags, spillages of ice cream & half-chewed gums. It is too much for one small person to cope with. My ambitions of one day working my up to becoming upper housemaid have been nipped in the bud.
With great sorrow (& a few silver spoons, a couple of discarded pearls, the odd diamond & a sack load of candles) i am returning to my garret on the Yorkshire Moors to wail to the wind for Heathcliff.
With sincere regrets,
your heartbroken scullery maid/horse whistler/ chimney sweep etc.
blutoria (without the capital.)  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 04, 2005, 08:29:42 PM
My dear darling Shvibzik,

I know you always mean best, dear, but your exuberant high spirits have driven away our beloved bluetoria the scullery maid. And you know, what with the servant problem the way it is, we claimants simply can't afford to loose one more member of the household. Think what one's life would be if one did not have minions! Simply unbearable, that's what. So please, darling, show a bit more consideration when it comes to crumbs and other leavings, else your Auntie Anna and Princess Pink and even dear dear Tsar Doug may have you banished.

Actually, I was thinking of punishing you by ringing up and yodeling, but something tells me you'd simply yodel right back . . . Anyhow, being as I am currently residing at an unnamed schloss so that I may focus focus focus for this week's Big Event, I suppose it does not signify. But ah me, you do have a tendency to turn things upside down, my dear!

Remember, my dear Shvibzik, life is so much more than ice cream and doritos. After the wedding you must stop by and I will teach you how to eat exquisite little birds (my apologies to the budgies), drink champagne without hiccupping, choose cigars for gentlemen, identify precious bling bling, and make a proper entrance at Maxim's. After all, our dear Princess Pink notwithstanding, most of we claimant ladies make a career of such skills, since we generally don't get married at once . . . we get married at last.   ;)

For now, however, I think it quite sufficient that you spend this evening writing a note of apology to poor little bluetoria. And perhaps if it is a sweet enough note and she hasn't yet found Mr. Heathcliff, well then, she might just return.  If so, we will certainly honor her by capitalizing her first name, how's that for a jolly idea!

Yours for proper etiquette and solving the servant problem, I remain

Your Yodeling Auntie GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 04, 2005, 10:05:38 PM
Dearest Courtiers and Comrades of the Cortege:

We don't know which way to turn.

First it was Windsor then Rome, now we are off to Monte Carlo... then on to Rome... then  across to Windsor.  I do thank our dear Anna for the bottle of one thousand aspirins and almond cookies.

We do have our Pink and Blue  ladies going hither and yon.  But where can we find a baby sitter for Rex the monkey while we're away?

And our dear GD Janet....can you imagine that?  Now she wants to sing and dance at the Royale Luncheon at Windsor.  I know she is a great and up and coming artiste of the stage and silver screen but a grass skirt I am not too sure will be well received by Her Majesty QE II.

Anyway, I  am sure she will make everyone want to stand up,  clap hands and do the Hokey Pokey.  If you have not done the Hokey Pokey on roller skates, you have not lived.  It is, well, a life changing experience.

All very well for now.....Tsar Doug ......flying here and there.   Let's see.......hmmm, if it's Saturday, is must be Windsor.  See, that  was easy.




;D ::) :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 05, 2005, 06:30:43 AM
Dearest Bluetoria ( with a capital ;))
As you are now unemployed I should like to offer you the position of Housekeeper at the Grimaldi Palace. Darling, it is a promotion, and you would be in charge of all the staff in the palace. I know my darling Shivbi is coming to visit but you can simply tell others to clean up the dear one's mess!!! Isnt that a fabulous offer?
I couldnt bear the thought of you going back to that windswept raindrenched miserable little island when you could be in sunny trendy Monaco with us!!!!
So how about it, think it over......

Sincerly
Princess Pink
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 05, 2005, 08:03:03 AM
Oh my goodness me, Your Pinkish Highness!
No sooner do I step out of one job and plan to spend my life scribbling in my garret and roaming freely around the Moors than another offer comes along. (You would be amazed if you knew how incredibily like my real life this is!!)
What can I say. It is a wet and windy day here and the propect of ruling the roost below stairs in sunny Monaco is too tempting to resist. The thought of those roulette wheels has set my head spinning! And to top it all I am allowed to spell my name with a capital 'B'!
I am packing my handkerchief, strapping it to a stick, and trundling my way across the wild & windy Moors at this very minute! Even the prospect of the arrival of your young and very messy guest is not enough to deter me...I gratefully accept Your Fluorescent Highness's most gracious offer.
Your slightly-less-humble-than-I-was housekeeper,
Bluetoria (oh! The thrill of a capital B!)

(Oh dear! I became so excited as I tripped across the Moors that I began to whistle & it is having a rather strange effect on a field of wild horses. I shall avert my eyes.)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 05, 2005, 05:43:59 PM
Princess Pink dearie,

Setting up a household at the Grimaldi Palace doesn't mean setting it up with our servants. Being a new family member and just about to start, Tsar D. agreed to let Bluetoria go. I think she's better of in your little palace, as she couldn't find here way in that big one of ours. I do hope she'll finds the way to Monaco as she's still wandering the wild and windy Moors.
I might pay you a visit too, delivering our little niece, and I can't wait to see your jewelry. As an expert I can tell by one look what's in or out.
Would you please see to it that Shivbi dearie writes me every day, not a few lines on the back of a crisp bag, paper please. Oh... and keep an eye on her complexion, too much sun isn't good for the little one, not every prince likes a freckled nose. Dearie me I sound like my mother. Well take good care of her, we don't want her parents on our doorstep.

The only thing I can say P.Pink dearie is: Courage ;D

Anna 8)




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 05, 2005, 06:25:34 PM
Dear All at Tsarkoe Selo:

 What a grand royal mess I've gotten myself into! :o
 Dear Bluetoria (now permited to have a capital at the begining of her name) has quit on my behalf, leaving me to clean my room on my own, and anyone who has had me for a guest knows it takes and army of maids to clean up after I'm hungry.  She claims she's up to her eyes in Dorito crumbs, chip bags, ect., ect., although I pleaded my case, saying that the garbage bag was full.  Now I shall see her again once she arrives here at Auntie Pinkladys! ;D
 And my dear Auntie Anna has been driven mad with me constantly at her side.  She complains of migranes often--she had an especially painfull one after Princess Talksmuchevna visited, chattering away about nothing.  I, thankfully, thought ahead and brought earplugs. 8)
 Auntie Anna also suffers from the terrible, almost uncurable Jealousyitis due to Uncle T.D.'s favor towards me.  Truth be told, he probably would have given me a palace if I asked for one! ;D
 Anyhow, I sadly report that the ride to Auntie Pinkladys was just as poor as the taxi ride from Siberia. :-/  I made sure Auntie Anna didn't stick me in the taxi with the fuzzy, mulicolored dice on the mirror, and told her I perfered a convertible.  She pressed her fingers to her head, and snatching her Dr. Spock book, headed to her boudoir.
 Instead of a Mustang convertible, there was a strech limo waiting for me.  Once again, I had to stuff my own bags to the trunk, which corrupted my previous painted fingernails.  I finally managed to squeeze the lid over my bags, and climbed in.  I froze halfway, astounded by the sight of the soft velvet seats, the T.V., D.V.D. player, a phone, ect., ect.  I slowly creeped in, fingering everything in my reach.  I had already checked for any dice on the mirror in the front, and a wave of relief had washed over me.
 After I had already fingered everything within my reach, I started fingering objects that had been out of my reach.  Suddenly a booming voice came on, which made me knock over a glass from the bar (of course, there was no bartender, Auntie Anna, I knew, would never permit such a thing).  The voice sounded so loud and imperious, that I was certain it was God.  "Agg!" I shreiked, "Please, I know I didn't go to church, I had forgotten it was Daylight Savings time!"  I ducked and covered, waiting for God to hit the smite button, sending a lighting bolt to electrocute me.  Again, the booming voice came on, asking my destination.  I slowly uncurled from myself, and realized it was the chauffeur.  Fumbling over the fancies around me, I pounded on the window, shouting Auntie Pinkladys.  It was then I discovered the microphone next to me.  Cautiously I flipped the switch, tapping on it and repeating, "Testing 1, 2, 3..." until the chauffeur assured me it worked and where excactly my destination was.  Calmly, I said I was headed to Auntie Pinkladys, and quickly correcting myself to saying Princess Pinkladys.  There was a long pause, and I waited for him to go, but instead he asked, quite sharply, he needed to know the excact location.  By that time, a poorly dressed man came trotting up, which I finally reconized as Uncle T.D.  The chauffeur shouted at him to get back, obviously not recognizing the Tsar.  The whole argument the mic was still on, resulting me to hear the whole thing, so I sat back and tried to straighten my lopsided fingernail. ;) :D
 Finally Uncle handed the man a bag of Tsar Skittles, in which the chauffeur looked back and forth from the bag to the slowly backing away Tsar, finally throwing them on the ground and slamming on the gas--running the perfectly-fine Skittles over. >:(
 Well, through many sudden stops at the traffic lights, we finally reached the destination, where I had assistance with my bags.  Once in, before I could brace myself, Auntie Pinklady rushed over and gave me a, as Americans call it, "bear hug".  I was thoroughly convinced my face had turned purple. :-X
 Now, thanks to the sudden stops by that rude chauffeur, I have two lopsided fingernails. >:(
 So now, as a goodbye to my snacks, Auntie Pinklady (after many veggies and fruits) called the cook to bring out the carrot cake and sherbert for desert.  I inquired about the sherbert, but she said it was fat free.  I asked her if they had fat free Doritos, but she said this was the last somewhat sweets I would have until Thursday, when we have to travel back to Tsarkoe Selo to prepare for the wedding (I'm sure Auntie Janet and the English maid shall whip some etiquette into me, only to probably be forgotten) at Winsor on Saturday (unless it's postponed again).  I couldn't wait to hear Auntie Janet yodel and moonwalk, but Auntie Pinklady corrected me by saying she would be howling and moonwadling. ::)  I sensed a tension at the mention of the name, so I changed the subject to politics--which I found was one of Auntie Pinkladys favorite subjects.
 
  Feasting on veggies and health food,
         Shvibi, Duchess of Siberia and Surroundings :)

P.S.  Now, Auntie Anna, as I said before, I was not trying to tackle Count Slow-something-or-the-other into the mud.  He is much too slow (if you know what I mean ;))to realize that he was walking staight towards a large mud hole, and I merely tackled him out of the way.  Why was he covered in mud, you ask?  Well, the wind suddenly blew quite hard in a new direction, comepletely throwing me off-course, tackling Count Slow into the mud.  Hmph, at least I tried.  ::) :-/
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 05, 2005, 10:16:23 PM
Dearest courtiers and Students of the Dance:

When you come into the imperial circle of refinement here at Tsarskoe Selo, you will learn many of the finer and more cultured things  of royal life.   Even if your mother was a countess or duchess ;Dshe may not have taught you  how to curtsie and bow before the emperor and his consort of the week. GD Shvi of Siberia is learning more of  our imperial manners and customs, which at times even seem a little strange to moi.  

So that you all will be ready for the Lucheon Royale at Windsor next week,  if not put off indefinately, I set forth below the Official Steps that you must execute to do that most social of high class,  hoi polloi and highfalutin dance.

When young ladies can do this dance they will be the toast of St. Petersburg and all the young men will flock to their dowrie.

How to Do the Hokey Pokey

Here are the directions in case you've forgotten how to do this old standby for children's parties and other raucous royal and imperial events.

Steps:

1.  Gather several courtiers into a group and form a circle.

2.  While singing the "Hokey Pokey" song, follow the directions.

3.  Put your left leg into the circle.

4.  Put your left leg out behind you.

5.  Put your left leg in again and shake it all about.

6.  Put your elbows at your sides with your hands about shoulder height and do the hokey pokey, turning clockwise in a circle and alternately raising your hands a few inches.

7.  Stop turning and clap your hands while singing, "That's what it's all about."

8.  Repeat the entire dance, but change the body part to your right leg, then left arm, followed by your right arm, head, your front side and finally your backside.

;D

Now isn't that a lot of fun?!

We do it at all the Dances Imperial here at the palace.  I can assure all of the courtiers that I, the Tsar Imperial, have mastered all of these intricate and precise steps.

See you all very soon and practice, practice, practice. [GD Janet, please take note, this may be a little difficult for you at first but if you just try even you can master it!]

Tsar Doug...dancing the night away with all of the Grand Duchesses that are still standing.....  ;D

Even our dear GD Anna can do it whilst playing her instrument and munching on Doritos.  Oops, I notice that some of her jewelry just fell off.  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 06, 2005, 02:09:09 AM
Dearest Friends
Well, our new Housekeeper, Lady Bluetoria, (my darling husband bestowed a title on her, at my insistence), has settled in and loves her new light duties. Darling little Shvibi is learning to love fruit platters and yoghurt, and all is going well.
Anna darling, we are that impressed with Lady Bluetoria we were wondering if you had any more spare servants that have had to leave your employ for stress related reasons???
Now, when Lady Bluetoria first arrived she did think she had gone colour blind, but now she is used to every shade of pink within the palace and outside gardens...... :D and unfortuanately she hates pink but is learning to cope!
Well, looking forward to the wedding on saturday, surely cannot be postponed again, the poor couple have been waiting for years and years and years, oh dear ;D
Cherio
Princess Pink :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 07, 2005, 03:35:24 PM
Dearest Royal Reletaves Back at Tsarkoe Selo:

 I try to escape the drearies and worries of the promised tutors, but instead they follow me to this lovely pink little place mean't for relaxing.  Auntie Anna, your are merciless! ::)
 I was just trying to sneak a Dorito or two when the doorbell rang.  I jumped up with my hands raised, ready to see the Veggie Police with Auntie Pink and Lady Bluetoria pointing at me with the most disgusted expressions.  I stood stock still for moments until I was certain no one was around, then started scootching my way to the kitchen.  Again, the doorbell rang repeatively until Lady Bluetoria (in her blue that stood out against the pink walls) scurried over to the door, muttering "I'm coming, I'm coming!" and something else I didn't catch.  She opened the door, and I bent to see who was there, which could have revealed me to any passer byer.  I strained to have a look, but Lady Toria had already slammed the door and mummbled something to herself.  I finally concluded either no one was there, or Lady Toria was sadly farsighted.  Doritos shoved into the back of my mind, curiousity overwelmed me. ;D  
 I hurried over to the door, and with precise caution, I cracked opened the door.  Peering out, I saw nothing, and thought some of the village boys were playing a trick, but as I was about to close the door and try my luck with the cook, something caught my eye.  Thinking it was the deciever, I squeezed out the door, and looking around to see if anyone was watching, searched the shrubbery and the flower bed to my left.  After an unsucsessful search, I turned on my heal, and looking back to see if the prankster might try to run from the all-seeing Duchess of Siberia (and surroundings).  Caught in my thoughts of the reward money that I could spend on bling blings, my foot hit an object and I went toppling over.  Sure I had caught the crook red-handed, I began to try to get back up, but something (or was it someone?) grabbed my pretty bling blings.  I roared not to touch my bling blings, and tackled the theif.  After I had pinned 'em down through much wrestling, I went to grab my bling blings, and saw my rival.
 It was a bush.
 A bush! :o  Quickly I looked around and saw some guards glancing at me.  My face flushed red and I grabbed my bling blings, stuggling to get up.  Then I remembered that I was tripped, and whirled around to meet my real rival.  I saw no one, and snapped my fingers in disgust.  "Shucks," I said, "he got away!"  I went for the door, but my foot hit something.  I looked down and saw an enormous box with my name on it.  Joy washed over me and I grabbed the box (which I found quite heavy) and shook it, finding it was filled with many various items.  I rushed in and nearly collided with Lady Toria and Auntie Pink.  Auntie Pink wanted to know what I had and why I was grassed stained.  Lady Toria took my box, and studied it.  "From your Auntie Anna." she told me.  I clapped my hands in glee and started ripping open the box.  Once I got through the cardboard, which now looked like it had been clawed by some vicious animal, I dug through some foam balls and grabbed the first item I saw.
 Pre-Algebra. :o
 I wanted to scream.  Auntie Anna had sent me schoolwork!  Thinking maybe it was a prank, I dug further, only to find a thick Russian History book, three foreign language books and cassettes (which are recordings of my language teacher, Erriep Darallig, who is from France.  There were also multiple workbooks and index cards.  At the very bottom was a letter from Auntie Anna explaining the package, which when I read it so many thoughts were running through my mind I couldn't read straight.  All I got out of it was my English nanny had arrived, and if I didn't behave myself she would be "making a certain trip to a cerain somewhere...".  The work was due when I will see Auntie Anna, either Saturday at the wedding or Monday, when she comes to visit.  I would have been out cold if Auntie Pink asked if I wanted a fruit popsicle. :D
 Oh my, how will I be able to prepare for the wedding if I have been buried in school work and can't dig my way out? ???
 Now don't worry Auntie Anna, I've been working on my school work, but since I didn't write you yesterday, I thought I should today.  Can have some extra credit?  Brownie points? 8) ???

 The flustered,
 Shvibi, Duchess of Siberia and Surroundings :)

P.S. I also recieved Uncle T.D.'s letter telling my to practice my Hokey Pokey--preferably on roller skates so that I can be able to match his expertise. ::)  I'll have you know that I am the master at the dance, and that:
 Your on! :D

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 07, 2005, 08:49:57 PM
Y'know, fellow claimants, I could be sore at Tsar Doug for calling into dispute my athletic prowess re: the hokie pokie (I can hokie just as good as he, if not better, and my pokie ain't bad either). Or I could be upset about Bluetoria, a.k.a. bluetoria, being snagged by Princess Pink (the huzzy). Or I could be driven to distraction by the ongoing shenanigans of our peripetetic Shbvi, or even by the fact that the budgies have recently taken to dive-bombing my fabulous tresses as I practice practice practice for the Main Event. But no, fellow claimants, I am so focused on my Art (the subject, not the guy) that I have actually have attained a plateau above it all . . . So see you at the wedding, and speaking of lemons into lemonade, the slight delay has simply allowed me to practice practice practice more than ever and vanquish whatever performance anxiety  :o  I once felt.  ;)

The gotta yodel, gotta moonwalk

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 08, 2005, 06:27:26 PM
Mj Dearies,

Tomorrow is the big event.
The whole family arived at Windsor this afternoon. A real family gathering I must say, y'know the usual.... ooh dearie how nice to see you...and darling it has been such a long time...kissie kissie bla bla :P

Whilst the servants unpacked our baggage we had tea together. The Princess royal who had to entertain the guests was in a sulky mood...we had to naff off.. yes dear but only in a few days.
The royal kids were romping around.. Duchess Shvibi isn't acting as a Duchess at all. She's running up and down the corridors leaving a trace of crisp bags all over the place...sigh. I hope she'll behave tomorrow.
Tsar D. is having a jolly good time together with Prince Philip, hmm I wish I'd knew what they are talking about, it's that naughty look I don't trust.

Suddenly there was a loud noise outside, we saw a helicopter landing right between the queens flowerbed on the lawn. Who could that be, who was that specal guest?
Elegant leggs with very big feet appeared in high heels.
We couldn't see who it was as her hair was hanging in front of her face. She moved very awkwardly, kinda hokie pokie, ducky, moonwalk. And when she spoke, it looked like she yodeled.
Is she... could it be... the lady we've not seen for such long long time....yes, .....
The Artist formaly known as GD/GP Janet.
Dearie me is that woman changed, she didn't want to speak to anybody of our family. Retired straight away in her room. She had to concentrate on tomorrows event her manager told us.  I hope she isn't suffering of Starlike airs ::) I'm famous too but I do say hello to my relatives.

Anyhow it's time for dinner (Shvibi has already take a seat at the table... that girl.. and Dougie dear disappeared. I hope he's not preparing some of his famous fireworks :o

Anna 8)




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 08, 2005, 08:26:56 PM
Dearest Courtiers and Staff:

It was so kind of her Majesty  to vacate the palace here at Windsor  so that her dear Russian relatives, like myself and our entourage, could have plenty of room for our overnight stay during the nups of her son and his friend.  :D  I did notice that Her Majesty and the Prince are holding up well in some tents that have been set up on the great lawns of the palace.  Yes, GD Anna did see me discussing the placement of the tents and the privy with Prince Phillip. 8)  We were concerned about the porta potties and the distance they would have to walk in the middle of the night.   ::)  I have heard that the Queen loves to camp out.   ;D

OMG, is that our dear GD Janet... ::) doing the hokey and the pokey? :D ;D  Good grief, she has it down pat!  She's a real  trooper, that GD Janet.

Tsar Doug...watching the British royals enjoying a campout at their palace, whilst  we enjoy the view from inside all nice and cozy. ;D :D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 09, 2005, 03:16:54 PM
Dearies,

I'm in my room at Windsor, changing again. Good heavens morningdress, afternoondress and now it's gonna be my gorgeous eveningdress. So I have some time to inform you about this memorable day. It was absolutely wonderful.

Did you see me dearies? I was the woman with the hat ;D
Our imperial family didn't attended the tripp to the town hall, we had lunch with the Queen. Ony shvibi went along with all the young royals. We could here them sing songs and yell in the bus ::)

Later Tsar D. escorted me to the chapel. When we sat down Prince William blew me a hand kiss, wasn't that cute. We had to wait a while before the ceremony started so I could have a good look at all the ladies coming in.
Dearie me, What is the dresscode? I saw pancakes, flowerbeds, ironworks, fruitgardens, and other horrible vessels coming by. Not to speak of the lady's suits those colors :o All shades of pink and blue and more blue and pink, was I glad I did wear my sunglasses. Only I felt a bit sorry for Princess Pink ;D

I of course looked ab fab in flashing red, stunning hat with the imperial eagle on it. Only one moment a lady come to me, she said she had to inform me in name of the Princess Royal "We don't wear such outfits here at Windsor" Oh really I answered, well you can inform your Princess "We do at Tsarskoe my dearie"!!

That moment the Prince and the Duchess of Cornwall walked in. You can say what you want but the bride had done her best, she was terrible nervous but looked lovely, I liked her earrings :).
Only I asked myself, she had just received the title of Duchess of Cornwall, was it abolutely necessary to put a bunch of Corn on her head right away? I gave her some advise at the reception after the ceremony. Don't overdo my dear and keep on with the jewels. One day you'll have an acceptable collection. Where did you get that ring my dearie.

Well I'm ready and have to run. We going to have a ball and of course the long waited performance of the GD/GP janet. Haven't seen her all day, still practising I guess. She has not much time left, stage is waiting for her.
GD/GP Janet as one of your biggest fans and colleaque of the arts, BREAK A LEGG, my dearie :-*

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on April 09, 2005, 05:00:43 PM
From the elegant ivory vermeil special occasion cage paper of HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI ALEXEI PERCIVAL GEORGE:

Well, I don't know why the Royal Pastry Chefs do not want HIH the Grand Budgiess TATIANA MOLLY and my snow white self to take our places on the English Naslednik's wedding cake.  We have practiced our budgie kisses until they look perfectly sweet.  Our feathers are immaculate and all in place.  One of them did mutter to one of the others:

'I'm sure His Highness will understand...'

as the two of us were shooed away.

Whatever would take our places?  No wedding cake, no matter how ornately decorated or how much royal icing is used, and no matter what delicate texture it has down to the last crumb, is complete without lovebirds like Tatiana and I.  I am sure the English Naslednik will be quite displeased to hear of this.

HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 09, 2005, 06:50:01 PM
Dearest Imperial Claimants:

I cannot tell you what this day has meant to me.

Well, yes I can. But not completely at this setting; I am simply cretinized by it all.

First of all, though, I think we will all be relieved to know that the budgies, though shooed away from taking their rightful place as wedding cake adornments, managed to stowaway on various royal hats. It was a proper budgies revenge! Just imagine later today all those ladies removing their feathery hats and finding lots of little souvenirs, courtesy our royal budgie claimants. I understand that the hat belonging to Camilla's daughter hid an entire flock of the dear little feathered ones.

As for myself, soon after my helicopter landed and I was whisked away to my room in the Hotel de Artistes I discovered my hat was missing. You know, the really attractive one that looks like an upside down chamber pot? So, imagine my dismay when I saw it atop the head of a royal lady whose name I shall not Sophie  reveal Wessex because I am, above all, discreet. Someone simply pinched my hat, and she knows who she is.  >:(

Now, as for my own artistic performance . . . well, so much to tell! But I will mention that when the former Silver Stick began throwing coins on the stage, his own former missus cast me daggerous looks. Or perhaps it was the ivory dress and oyster coat which comprised my costume that she did not like . . . along with lots and lots of feathers. My dears, some people are just so sensitive.

At any rate, I must retire to my boudoir . . . the day's events have been quite taxing, and then of course I must meet with Tsar Doug and Spy Anna and all the others, and reassure them that my seclusion was by no means snobbery. Perhaps a ride in my private helicopter will mollify them.

The very exhausted Artiste

formerly known as the GD/GP Janet


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 10, 2005, 09:08:09 AM
Dearest Scattered Claimants,
 My, what a day it has been, Auntie Janet, you performance, supurb! ;)
 My other two aunties fussed all over me before the ball, they were like chickens with their heads cut off, debating what I should wear when I already knew.  Of course, I didn't tell them that... ;D
 Well, I started with Auntie Anna, who reminded me to stay glued to her side at all times, repeating not to run off.  She had an abnomaly large hat, I was sure to walk on one side in the shade. :D
 We were invited to lunch with the queen, but when I sat down, I nearly gagged with the perfume.  I excused myself and hurried to catch the bus.  I can tell you, it is quite hard to try to catch a bus in high heals and a dress.  My hat nearly flew off, and my shoe almost left behind.  I felt like Cinderlla--running to catch a speading bus.  The driver finally saw me and pulled to a sudden stop, and breathlessly I crawled up the steps and plopped into the nearest seat.  I came quite close to sitting on the girl beside me, who had to cover her eyes whenever the sun shone on my bling blings.  After I had caught my breath, I felt someone touching them, and turning my head to her, asking politely to not to touch the bling blings.  She quickly withdrew her hands, but a minute later she was playing with them again.  Through clenched teeth, I told her the bling blings were not on display, but she continually prodded at them.  I tried to grab her hands, but she would pull them away quickly and giggle everytime I swiped.  Exasperated, I moved to another seat, seeking peace.
 Was I kidding myself? :o
 I mummbled to my companion about that girl, who replyed dryly, "She's my sister, Eugenie of York."  I smiled wearly and laid my head on the back of the seat.  Moments later, someone was fingering my bling blings.  I shot up quickly, smacked my hands to the seat and called to the heavens, asking what is the Englishs' problem with bling blings.  I had yelled in Russian, accidentally, of course, so everyone just stared at me (besides the bus driver, who had swerved off the road at my outburst), and started singing.  The girl across from me asked me if I was alright, to which I replied yes.  She told me my bling blings were very nice, which lightened my mood.  I brought up the subject of the wedding, and the rumors.  "Cornwall?  What kind of title is that?" I laughed.  Her face went a bit pale, and she quickly changed the subject, and asked me my name, which I told her.  "Thats nice, I'm Laura, Camilla's daughter." she said somewhat offensively.  Studdering, I assured her what a great queen her mother will make--then I moved to another seat.  :-/
 Finally I stopped worrying over Laura telling Camilla what I said.  Me in the Tower of London...and eventually the guillotine--then I would tell myself, the guillotine France; even though I knew otherwise. 8)  I recited arguements in my head anyway, lest they give me a trial.  A fair one, that is.
 Suddenly something plopped down next to me.  I froze, was it Prince Charels--Duchess Camilla?  As I started out the window dreaming of all the Doritos I would get to fatten me up in the Tower, someoned took my hand.  I was sure it was the guards ready to handcuff me, but when I was about to scream, "No, I'm too young to die!" (that's all I had came up with that I thought reasonable for arguing my case), someone complemented that my blings were quite nice and that I must not have a short supply.  I whirled around, pulling my hand back, utterly astounded.  "Have English never seen bling blings before?  Or do they just like to touch?" I asked.  I knew it was a mistake just to open my mouth, but once I was going, there was no stopping me--not even the Tower of London.  
 The young man laughed, saying that the English just have never seen jewelry that can blind you with one glance.  He then extended his hand, addressing himself as Prince Henry, and the man sitting across from him his brother, Prince William.  I sat, my mouth in an o, and shook his hand.  I told him I was Shvibzik, Duchess of Siberia and Surroundings.  Dearie me, what messes I get myself into with these foreigners. :o
 The prince asked what brought me here, to which I answered heaven.  He laughed, and obviously not taking me seriously, told me a joke.  Unable to resist myself, I replied with a poem:
We hired a gardener
To water the plants
We didn't mean
that way--
Now zip up your pants.:D
 
 We exchanged jokes for a while, then joined in singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall".  I swear it made the bus shake.
 We stopped by Town Hall, and Henry pulled me off with he and his brother (of course, no one asked me where I wanted to eat...Arbys! ;D).  When I pondered alound about how good Doritos would taste, Prince Henry's eyes got all round and he called over a servent boy and whispered something in his ear.  Seconds later, I had a choice of twelve Dorito bags sitting in front of me.  P/Henry and I exchanged glances, as if giving each other permission, and lunged at the chips.  So we ate, toasted the chips with our glasses of Sprite, joked, laughed, and occasionally choked by doing one of the previous two.  He challenged me to an eating contest, which I won, but regreted later. :-X
  We made such a large mess, when we were walking back to catch the bus, P/Henry and I were ordered back to clean up the mess.  We did make it back, however, for the ceremony, where I joined my Russian relaltives.  My goodness, what did Camilla have in her hair?  A birds nest!? :o
 Afterwords, Auntie Anna asked why I had Dorito crumbs all over my new striped dress (I think that Zara stole my idea.  Hers was just more open and mine went down to my knees >:().  Uncle T.D. told me to just brush them off, relieving me of Auntie Anna's questions.
 We then went to the ball for Auntie Janets preformance.  To which I wore a dress that didn't stick out.  It was almost floor length, and lavender with a split revealing white material.  After all, it was a ball (somewhat ;)).  Auntie Janet surprised us all with her talent, and I had to say that all of the seclusion has done her good.  Especially if it means a helicopter ride. ;D
 In any case, I'm pooped, and Auntie Anna is hollering for me to turn off the light. ::)  

The very exhausted,
Shvibi, Duchess of Siberia and Sur-- :) (I'm so tired I can't even finish my own title)

P.S. I think I saw my parents, but I don't think they recognized me... 8) :P    
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 10, 2005, 03:20:51 PM
Dearest darling Shvibzik:

How I envy you your youthful exuberance! And such a figure you cut at the wedding. Really, everyone was asking about you, even the Prince of Transylvania. When you disappeared I gaily told him, "Oh, just follow the Dorito crumbs . . . you'll find her!"

I would not be too distressed about your dress being longer than Zara's. I know this must seem strange, coming from your crazy ol' Auntie GD/GP, but sometimes modesty is the better part of valour. (Or is that velour? It is so vexing to be in a strange hotel without one's dictionary.)

Darling Shvibzik, I so apologize for not being able to warn you about that new royal stepdaughter. I was aware of her rather fantastic appearance and regret so awfully awfully much that I did not clue you in advance, but of course I was in my performance mode and experiencing a few butterflies, so I ended up shirking my auntie duties. Forgive me, please!

That's all for now--am still recuperting at the Hotel de Artistes. My regards to your long-suffering Auntie Anna (we'll talk about that another day, dear) and the incomparable Tsar Doug.

Your Tired Old Auntie GD/GP,

a.k.a. The Artist Formerly Known as the GD/GP Janet


P.S. Helicopter rides, yes. But only if you're a good girl and eat your vegetables nicely and don't throw rolls at the dinner table!




Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 10, 2005, 03:46:06 PM
Psst, fellow Imperial Claimants, is anyone minding Shvibzik? Really, the child must be looked after before she creates an international incident! I cannot be responsible at this time--I admit it, my wedding performance was really most taxing, even for yours truly, Eternal Spring--but later this summer I will return the favor and invite her to my schloss for a fortnight or two, if only one or two of you will mind her for now. Yes, I know she has been in the care of GD Anna, but poor Anna really needs a break, and as we all know, dear Tsar Doug spoils the child, so I'm afraid he's really no help whatsoever. (Don't tell him I said that, though; he'd be crushed, and I'd risk loosing my jewelry allotment.) Besides, lately I've been coping with the budgies, who found my suite (I shouldn't have left that window open) and continue to discuss, in highly disgruntled tones, their dismissal off the wedding cake. What could I have done about it, I ask you? We artistes have no say in such matters, whatsoever.

The Still-Prostrate GD/GP Janet

P.S. Whoever gave the former Silver Stick my suite number, that's simply not funny. Goodness, I have enough to contend with without encouraging the ire of his former missus, who of course is in a snit, wondering how I happened to show up at the ceremonies wearing her identical outfit. This much I can tell you: It wasn't by design, and I shall never patronize that couturier again.

P.P.S. She-who-knows-who-she-is still hasn't returned my pinched chamber pot hat. Some people!  >:(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 11, 2005, 01:54:50 PM
Dear Courtiers of the Imperial Confabulation:

Just returned from the reception at Windsor.  All they had was  little tiny fingerfood and scones with jam and cream.  Was looking all over for a quick "pick me up"  but the bartenders were in the loo. ;D  Had to settle for some brewskies from a pub down the street.  Have the Windsors fallen on hard times? :-/  Anna had a big plate of scones with strawberry jam.  What a mess, she got  it all over her  jewels.  The Windsor boys wanted to lick it off....such madcaps these fellows.

Back here at Tsarskoe we're planning our summer vacation.  Remember all the fun we had last year in our world travels? ;D What a time we had!  We may stay at the Imperial Palace in Tokyo this summer.  I love sushi and the geisha gals. ;D  Maybe Janet can do some entertaining at the Japanese palace...I hear they love the songs and magic  from the 1920's.  Can she do some Harry Houdini, like make the Tsar disappear?  

Tsar Doug and all the imperials  ready to flee the hot summer of Tsarskoe and set sail for other shores. ;) :D ;D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 11, 2005, 03:21:29 PM
Dearest Aunties and Uncle (or would you prefer 'Unclie' or 'Uncie'? ::)):
 Oh!  I am unconsolable! :'(
 That slug, the Prince of Transalvania, thinks he is the most elegable bachalor.  Just because he can't see himself in the mirror to see what he looks like, doesn't mean he's--I daresay--handsome!
 He stopped by the other day, a few hours before we left.  I was having the usual--Cookies-n-Cream.  The Doritos really dried my mouth out.
 I was watching the usual reruns of King of Queens, when there was a knock at the door.  Reluctantly, I got up, and flipping off the TV, and trudged to the door, only to dash back to my ice cream and store it in my secret stash and grab an apple (which I cut to make it appear as if I had been eating it) lest it was one of my aunties.
 The knocking became rapid and impatient, even my constant "I'm coming, I'm coming" didn't cease it.
 I flung the door open in the middle of one of the loud, annoyed knocks, and nearly fainted (it seems I do that a lot).  The prince smiled and introduced himself drolly, his canines glittering (I swear they were tinted red).  He asked if I was going to let him in, just for a visit.  "Oh, um...I'm not, um, properly dressed for the occassion, you see...er..." I studdered as he studied my pj's.  He assured me he wouldn't be long, and swept into my room, his cloak brushing my face.  I remined where I was, whimpering.
 The prince studied my mess of crumpled Sprite cans, finally sitting down on the couch.  He invited me to join him, and I didn't dare refuse, although either way I put myself in danger. :-X
 I managed to squeaze a few pillows in between me and him without looking suspicious (I think).  With shaky hands, I flipped the TV back onto King of Queens, watching the prince out of the corner of my eye.  After I puffed out a laugh, he leaned over, I was so sure he was going to bite me, but instead he grabbed the remote, and protesting the dumbness of the show, flipped on "The Adams Family".  Dearie me, I almost leaped out of my own skin! :o  "Ah, this is better.  One of my favorites" the prince sighed, and leaned back.  I was shaking uncontrolably now, not knowing what to do.  I thout of calling security, but thought better of it.  
 During a comercial, the prince leaned toward me, asking me if I wanted to hear a secret.  I studdered that he need not whisper it to me, we were alone.  Once I added that last part, I knew I was done for.  
 He laughed, but replied that secrets would not be secrets if one does not whisper.  "But must you whisper it into my ear?" I cried.  Again, he laughed, telling me that I wouldn't be able to hear him if he did so.  And with that, he leaned to my ear, but I leaned away.  "Please," I pleaded, "my...my...my ears haven't been cleaned!"  He shook his head, but grabbed my shoulder so he could reach my ear.  He leaned dangerously near, but just as he was about to tell me something, or suck my blood, whichever one, Lady Bluetoria came bustling in.  The prince leaned back to his spot and sighed.  I breathed a breath of relief, silently thanking God for Lady Bluetoria.  The prince said he must be going, and jammed his hat on his head and whisked out, holding his cloak in front of him.  In the doorway he paused, and removing his hat and then replacing it again, he bid me goodbye and was off.  I leaped up, running over to where Lady Bluetoria was, and embraced her hard, thanking her over and over again for saving me.  She told me it was no sweat, with a perplexed look on her face.  I vowedI would never leave large messes again, but assured her the vacuum would not have to retire.  She smiled, but immediately frowned when she saw my attire.  She hastely pushed some clothes into my hands and urged me to go change.  I hurried off into the bathroom, thankful to get out of my contanimated clothes. 8)
 My, thank goodness we are back at Tsarkoe Selo, and about to take a trip to somewhere.  China, Uncle T.D. suggested.  Hmmm...how about Hawaii?
 If you want to get somewhere cooler, maybe you should all come home with me! ;D

The relieved,
Shvibi, Duchess of Siberia and Surroundings :)

P.S. Auntie Janet, did anyone else ask about me?  Someone normal? :-/    












Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 11, 2005, 03:49:58 PM
Dearies,

Soooo nice to be at Tsarskoe again. On our flight back, we made a stop at McDonalds, royals can't live on strawberry's only. I found one for dessert in my shoe :P

Oh yes, we definitely need a vacation. First we send Shvibi to her auntie GD/Janet at Schloss Zwiebelnstein, if that's inconvenient there's always a place at the Naval Cadets summercamp. I informed to be sure ;) Well the summerpalace in Tokyo is not my favorit place to be, so dull. Anyway it's not good for my back, bowing all the time is too tiresome, you see more floor than anything else. No, let's go to China, the forbidden city, there's space and rooms enough, they say it's very peacefull. We could even take our bikes :D
On the other hand alternative vacations are very trendy nowadays. You could go incognito and stay on a farm, well only if its rated five stars I might consider.
I'm looking forward to make plans for this summer, the quarrels and disagreements and in the end we stay home. The land of one thousand and one night's might be an option. Dougie dear can stay with his geisha's as I will be romantically kidnapped by the son of the Sheik on a white horse in the desert ::) Where are my veils.

Have to run, I've put my sticky jewels in the washing machine -- delicate program with gentle action spin drying--.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 11, 2005, 03:59:58 PM
Dear Auntie Anna,

Awww, you mean I can't vacation with you?  I promise not to be annoying or fill myself with junk food. :-/  Not that I mind staying with Auntie Janet.  She could teach me to moonwalk and/or yodel!  Maybe even--

Wait.  I think I know what is is.  Is it your  vacation?  ;D 8)

The pondering,
Shvibi, Duchess of You-Know-Where :)

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 11, 2005, 04:17:42 PM
Shvibi dearie,

Well well well, how bold we are. Dearie me ::)


Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 11, 2005, 04:21:16 PM
 :-[ :-[ :-[ ... ;D

What I mean't was...was...um...your yearly vacation?

.....,
Shvibi, Duchess of You-Should-Know-By-Now
Title: ShvibRe: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 11, 2005, 08:20:34 PM
Dearest Shvibi,

Everyone was asking about you! (Or perhaps I should say talking about you . . . )

As for introducing you to someone normal? My dear Shvibi, we are talking about royals and royal claimants. Just what is considered normal?!  :o

Now, I must inform you--and your dear Auntie Anna as well--that my plans to stay at my schloss have changed somewhat. I heard about a great program where you can go stay with nuns, and it's dirt cheap, so I'm thinking of closing up the schloss and--after all the excitement of recent times--living a quiet, chased life for the summer. So darling Shvibi, if you'd like to join me at the nunnery . . . well, just think of it: We could rename you Ophelia!  ;)

As for our mutual claimant Tsar Dough--er, Doug--well honestly, doesn't he know that he isn't supposed to address me by my first name alone?  Dear fellow claimants, I am quite vexed.  >:(  He is, of course, supposed to address me as the GP/GD Janet. (I won't insist on the Artiste formerly known as . . . ) Hear that, my dear T.D.? Only in private may that situation be altered. Then I will call you Dougie dearest . . . and you will still call me the GD/GP Janet!  ;D  ;D  ;D

Surely I jest? Certainly not, and my name is not Shirley!

Yours for jolly good joking--

the still recuperating GD/GP Janet

P.S. Has anyone received any postcards from Scotland yet?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 11, 2005, 09:12:06 PM
Notice Imperiale  I  Have just received word from Vatican Cuidad that I am to be summoned to the Papal Conclave to vote for  the next Papa.  You may not know it but I am  actually the 'secret cardinal'.  Sometimes we are called Cardinale en Pectorale.  I will of course be taking along many of the imperial courtiers that so desire to be near the center of  all power and good Italian food.

Since GD Janet is now, well almost,  a nun she will be most welcome to carry the official  papal red shoes and the occasional banana split.  I know that GD Anna will do some Vatican spying for us and I know she loves Italian ice cream, which I do understand is some of the best west of Texas.  

All for now,  dear ones, Tsar Doug.....trying to fit into my cardinal robes and light the stove in the Cistine Chapel. Let's see now, is that wet straw for green smoke or is it dry straw for blue smoke......;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 12, 2005, 06:43:04 AM
Dearest Friends and Fellow Travellers
Well, I thoroughly enjoyed the wedding!!! So much fun, by the way, did you all see me, I was the one totally in pink with the stylish sensible hat?
I was annoyed so many ladies decided to wear my signature colour, after all I am Princess Pink ;)
Well, the finger food was a tad ordinary, but what the.... we all had fun! The pub down the road had a terrific roast !
Up close, Duchess Cammie's headdress looked like a straw hair extension, better to be far far away, then it looked like she had suffered a fright ;D
Well, so glad to be back in Monaco, I cannot tolerate that bleak English weather, I mean, after all, how much can a Koala Bear???
That's it from me, toodles darlings
:-*
Princess Pink
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 12, 2005, 09:18:29 PM
Dearest Claiments:

Y'know, this Princess Pink is really getting to me, gloating about Monaco and all. I mean, we'd all like to live on the Riviera, but some of us have to work for a living! >:(  Yes, I suppose I should be happy that "one of our own" has made it to the bigtime (actually, the small bigtime), but those comments about bleak weather and finger food . . . well, really! Rather sniffy, I'm inclined to think.

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. Hey, Princess Pink, guess what color I'm wearing now! Niener niener niener!  ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 12, 2005, 09:30:19 PM
Dang, that felt good.

Now, as for you, Tsar Doug, I'm afraid I'm just not into papal ring-kissing these days, so you'll have to find someone else to retrieve your slippers and bring you banana splits.

And the issue of colored smoke? Oh, I'm sure you know all about it. After all, didn't you used to hang out with Father Guido Sarducci?!

And BTW, that's the Sistine Chapel, for all of us Sisters!

(Is it any wonder that back at the schloss they call me The Fiesty Fraulein.)

Yours very truly--

Nun But the Lonelyheart

a.k.a.

The GP/GD Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 12, 2005, 11:19:06 PM
OHHHHHHHHHH, Grand Duchess Janet!
You are wearing My signature colour and writing letters in My colour!
Pink is not your colour, it doesnt suit you one tincy wincy little bit!

I am thinking of getting my hair streaked pink to make me feel pinker, I mean better. sniff

Just remember, I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!!!

Princess Pink :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 12, 2005, 11:38:38 PM
Now, now Duchesses and Princesses! take a deep breath and calm down. By virtue of her name Princess Pink has every right to be clad in a pinker shade of pink.
If Her Highness could sneak into the Vatican, maybe she could help announce the new Pope with pink smoke - it's not so far from Monaco - and I am sure that after all those days of mourning, the Vatican would relish having a nice bright pink about the place. As for myself, I ws far too busy to attend all the latest weddings and funerals of the Firm. I have a new lead on the Tatiana was really Amelia Earhart case, and I think I have enough proof now. I have discovered that Tatiana's left ear, back-to-front has 25 points in common with Amelia Earhart's right ear. Anyway, I must retreat now into my dressing room and prepare for Dinner. It is Lent, so we aren't having anyone, but one always feels one should be immaculately dressed for dinner. Cheerio.
Georgiy I
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 13, 2005, 09:05:19 AM
Dearest Georgiy 1, you really are most charming! You are welcome next time you are in Monaco to stay in my little pink palace by the sea! Fascinating findings on the Grand Duchess Tatiana case, good work!!!
Well, our Grand Duchess Janet truly is One Nasty Pasty! We should keep an eye on her, lest she evolve into something far far more nasty!:o
Well, I have my own exciting news. My pampered pooch, Miss Pink, is a descendant of Eira! Yep, thats right. So, we shall be making the trek to Tsarskoe Selo this summer to visit her ancestors grave stone. :'(
That's it from me, toodles, cherubs

Her Pinkish Highness ( all shades)
Princess Pink :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 13, 2005, 01:46:43 PM
Dearest GD Janet, no wonder I getta so lost the other day at the Vatacano, I no'a how to spella the Sistinea Capalle.. :-/  I met up with Fr. Guido Sarducci and now we are besta friends.  He knows all about everything here at the Vatacano, he even knows where to getta the besta pizza pie...  Wow, what a guy. ;D  Tsar/Cardinalle Doug...on the way to the, you know, ice cream a la Italiano. ;D :D ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 13, 2005, 02:43:06 PM
Dearest Fuming Auntie Janet,

:o You joined a nunnery!  For the summer!  
:o Everyone was asking/talking about me?!
:o Uncle T.D. didn't address you as GD/GP !  We all know how self-concious you can be with your titles. ;)
:o Pink?  Oh no, I fear we have another case of Jealosyitis on our hands.  Bring out the dust masks, it's spreading!!

 Now don't you worry, Auntie Janet, we'll find you a beau in no time.  Won't we, aunties? 8)
 You are completely right about the normal thing.  But, dearie me, this place seems normal, compared to my backround.  What I mean't by normal was, someone who doesn't suck blood, or have abnormal habits.  Hmmmm, Mama always said I looked good in stripes... ;D

Dear...The Rest of You,

 Auntie Anna, you surely can't leave me now!  I can't go to  a nunnery, they'd kick me out within the first hour! :-X  
 Please, not the Naval bootcamp!  Well, I suppose if it is your yearly, kid-free vacation, I'll have to go.  And China sounded so fun...I wanted to ring the bongs... :'(
 Uncle T.D., if your wondering where your Imperial monkey has gone, he's up a tree in the courtyard.  The Imperial mutt, Gabby, had an urge (after sharing a gallon of Cookies-n-Cream ice cream with me) to run.  I took her for a walk around the park, but the sugar really got to the dear pooch.  She pulled like a freight train, dragging me around.  My, I think she was walking me.  
 Suddenly, out of the blue (or should I say green) a brown, fuzzy, Imperial accesserized monkey leaped out of the bushes.  Gabby, being the keen hound she is, took one look at the thing and charged.  She dragged me down the hill--literally--and by the time we reached the courtyard, I'd eaten a mouthful of spring grass.  
 The leash ripped out of my hands, and I watched helplessly as my insane dog barelled around the greenery.  Finally the chase ended with the dear ape climbing a tree, leaving Gabby hysterically dumbfounded.  I regained my senses, and stumbled up and wobbled over th the Imperial nucience.  Now she is in a time-out, with her nose in a circle, sitting in the corner.  See, Auntie Pink, I get my excersise. ;D ;)  Oh, and Auntie Anna, I may need to use your washer and dryer for my bling-blings as well... :-/
 On a different note, I would like to warn everyone about my merciless tutors.  I don't even get recess, for goodness sakes! >:(  Once I think I can slip out my book and read, they smack their ruler on my desk (my math tutor has already broke his) and give me a 100-word essay.  Dearie me, my science tutor has given me work throughout the entire life science book.  Then there are the Three Packets, which are supposed to be done tomorrow.  My math tutor goes off on stupid stories, talking about his trips to Peru, and trying to speak Spanish.  It's all I can do to keep myself from telling him he's not my language teacher, and couldn't be one if he tried.  He'll sneeze, and I'll tell him "Bless you", but he gets this hideous look on his face, saying, "You blurted out!" and give me rules to write.  Goodness, It's a bootcamp all in itself! :o
 Welcome, Grigory I.  I'm sorry if you've visited before, but I'm afraid I don't know your position (I'm not trying to sound haughty or snobbish), but please tell me you're not another tutor, or nanny.  Heaven knows I don't need another nanny.  You won't believe this, Claimants, but my room is actually spotless!  Of course, it came with a few exceptions... ::)
 By the way, I read that you need someone to fill in a star role in your movie...no, I'm not recomending moi, but Auntie Anna.  I have listened (and spied) her acting in her boudior. ;D
 Auntie Janet, shall we get you a little castle by the sea, as well?  Please, no more pink, I'm just starting to recover from everything I see being tinted pink. ;)
 
Yours Truely,
Shvibi, Duchess of S&S :)

P.S. Auntie Janet, if you are now lodging at the nunnery, does that mean no helecopter ride? :(  And if you become a nun, are you even aloud to marry? :-[  And Uncle T.D. what a lovely Italian accent you've taken up. ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 13, 2005, 04:04:18 PM
Dear Shvibz, thanks for your welcome. Unfortunately, whilst I am not Georgiy the First, the 'I' after my name stands for Imperator - Latin for Emperor. One has been secluded away in the Winter Palace - one's ancestors hid away in a secret section of the Palace and thus survived all those horrible years of Communism in Russia. Now I spend my days studying my illustrious ancestors and researching the Tatiana - Amelia connection. Great-Grandmama Olga told us that her sister was taken away by aeroplane one day at Ekaterinburg, about a week before they were secretly transferred back to Petrograd. They expected to find Tatiana waiting for them, but she never showed up again. So it would transpire that she gained a love of flying through her daring escape by flying-machine.

Here St Petes we are having such a glorious day with sunshine, and the fire is going and one wants to take off one's shoes, lie back and relax, but can't as the Emir of Bokhara is due any minute and one must entertain.

Cheerio all.
Georgiy I
Title: ;e: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 13, 2005, 10:51:02 PM
Dearest Claiments:

I was not aware that one among us had the franchise on a particular color. Be that as it may, I have decided to take on my own hue. Henceforth, I will be known as the GD/GP Janet, Princess of the Purple.

Fitting, is it not?  ;)

More later, in response to our newly Italianized Tsar Doug, recent alumna of WhatsaMatter U; my little niece Shvibzik of the Many Questions (all of which will be answered in time, little one); our newest respondent, Georgiy; and the soon-to-be-streaking Princess Pink.

The Born-to-the-Purple

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 13, 2005, 11:01:46 PM
And I must stake my claim to Imperial Blue, being an Imperator. (I hope this works I think I am making my words blue. If it didn't work you will all just have to imagine that it's blue)

It has been such a long day with the Emir. I really didn't want folk around what with it being Lent. You know we have to have a vegan diet, with one exception - we can eat invertebrates, so I had the Imperial Kitchen fry up some escargot which seemed to satisfy him. I can't stand them myself, but don't tell any of the French pretenders that! I am looking forward to a supper of Lobster a la Romanoff

Cheerio
Georgiy, the Emperor
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 14, 2005, 04:02:32 AM
My Dearies,

I just returned from my assignment to the Vatican. Couldn't do much spying there, sorry. The problem was I choose the wrong outfit, after a few days they placed signs everywhere :"Beware of the red nun" :-/ So I decided to shop a little (actually an unknown word in my vocabulary), tried some pasta di Mama and spent the rest of the day eating ice-cream at friar Luigi's ice-saloon.

First of all I welcome our dear family member Georgiy I :) What court did you say you came from, dearie? At least you are blue definitely royal. I read something about a star role in a movie, you can contact my pr-agent anytime.
As for Shvibi, I won't leave you dearie, but I must have  time of my own. Sure you can come with me to China, but I have to rock the kasbah on my own. The Sheik has only one son and who doesn't want to have a real Valentino ::)
GD/GP Janet you are a real chameleon, how do you manage girlie, stand up for your color. Be carefull taking photo's with Princess Pink, your colors might clash.

Well, have to run, taking my first lessons in belly dancing. That means a diet too :P

Anna 8) Lady in red
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 14, 2005, 04:39:44 AM
 8) Imperial Graciousnesses, Very Grand Duchesses & Pink Princesses, since my elevation from a mere lowly minstrelette of the Moors to the more grandiose 'Lady' I realize I have been getting many ideas above my station. The fluorescent pink of the Princess's palace in Monaco however has, quite blinded me (hence the shades)  8) 8) & in something like a Damascene conversion (which I mistook for a sort of estate car) I have been brought to my senses. Since I cannot rid myself of the title Lady (which was so graciously given me by the noble Monagasque Prince) I realize I have no alternative but to become Lady Pontifex bluetoria (lower case 'b' again due to an attempt at humility. You see, since I cannot continue in the service of the very PINK princess, and there is a vacancy in the Vatican I shall stand for Pope. (Ma! Dove bisogna rivolgersi!!)

Hmm. You may well say - there is a slight problem here...but it can be overcome. There was, according to legend, the 12th century Pope Joan (who gave birth on the steps of St. Peter's  :o & was subsequently torn to pieces by the mob) so I would not be the first female to take on this high office. I shall take great care to confine my confinements (should they occur!) to more cloistered corners. All Cardinals shall be required to exchange their reds for blue, and skull caps & mitres will be replaced by woolly bonnets.

Now I must about my business of preparing a few encyclicals (a form of two-wheel transport - much cheaper than a Damascene conversion)  & getting my nuncios in order to rig the voting in my favour.
Dear Minty Imperialness, Tsar/Cardinal Doug - se voul leggere questo - might I count on your vote in the conclave?  :) :)
Buon giorno e la ringrazio della Sua ospitalita!
Ciao!
Lady Pontifex bluetoria  
La, la, la...O sole mio...la la la la!



 
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 14, 2005, 05:08:17 AM
Dearest friends and Grand Duchess Janet of the Purple
Dahhhhling - I am so pleased you finally have your very own signature colour, expect my gift in the mail soon, 7 purple shirts with HERE COMES TROUBLE embroidered in purple glitter across the front of them. ( one for every day sweetpea)

Now, next item.
Lady Bluetoria, what have I done wrong??? Why are you leaving me???
You cannot leave!!!   After we were graciuos enough to bestow a title on you and give your name upper case status! My goodness, you are my Chief lady in Waiting, and I have already ordered your new pink uniforms. I demand you come back at once, this instance. You  are not going to be Pope because you do not look good in white robes and silly tall hats! And you are not OLD enough, so stop the silly nonsense and come home now!

:'( :'( :'( :-[

Bye Bye
Her Pinkish Highness ( Lady Bluetorialess)
Princess Pink :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 14, 2005, 05:23:55 AM
My dear Princess Pink  8) 8) 8)
Please don't fret so! Once I am Pope I shall send a whole army of nuns to wait on you hand and foot. Don't think me ungrateful...it is simply that the  PINKNESS  8) 8) has dazzled me & I keep walking into footmen  ::) & what is more I have a higher calling now!
As for the white robes & tall hats...all that is about to change when I am Pope! If the conclave doesn't want me, though, I give you my word, I shall return.
Now, then 'My Child' (I'm practising) would you like a blessing (practising that, too!)?
Yours from the Vatican,
L.P.b ++

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 14, 2005, 05:35:44 AM
Princess Pink dearie,

Perhaps I'm wearing wrong sunglasses, I must warn you I noticed your pinkcolor faded away ;D I understand dearie we all have bad hair and dress days.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 14, 2005, 06:36:19 AM
My Dearest Lady Bluetoria
I dont need a blessing, my palace is a mess!!!
What I need is my Housekeeper/ Lady in waiting!

Dearest Anna, I am not having a bad hair day, I now have pink streaks, very streaking, I mean striking.

Living in a mess
without a blessing
Princess Pink :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 14, 2005, 06:56:46 AM

Lady Bluetoria
Ohhhh, I suppose you could come and bless the mess...... >:(

And while you are here, could you have a bit of a poke around, as all my sunglasses have vanished!!! Even my best Faberge ones! Unbeleivable, how am I supposed to go yachting without them? How am I supposed to do anything sporty without them???

Fared Inkum
An exasperated Princess Pink 8) If only I could find a pair.......
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 14, 2005, 08:12:54 AM
  8) 8) 8)
Have no fear, dear Pink Princess, I shall come with an entourage of clerics in the new blue cassocks to bless the mess & all shall be well. I'd have been there sooner but it's so hard to get in and out of these white silk stockings that we Papal types are obliged to wear...Once I'm 'in' I'm going to stop that as well!  8) 8)

I do hope that you'll a few strings with Tsar/Cardinale Doug and persuade him to give me his vote at the conclave. You, of all people, know how important it is to have friends in high places in these matters.  8)

There's a bit of a problem with the Papal Balcony. Being very small I can't reach the top & thecrowds won't see my perfected blessing. You couldn't spare an odd stool for me to stand on, could you?  8) 8)

Now, about your missing sunglasses. I have no idea WHAT happened to them. All I can say is that it's very bright here in the Vatican - what with the Italian sunshine shimmering all over the golden vessels etc.... 8) 8) 8)  If I win the day I'll have the Mafia deliver you a few pairs!!  8) 8)

Vale! Habemus Papam - ego sum!!!

Lady Pontifex bluetoria ++

(Mi lasci passare, per piacere, sono La Papa nuova...Vote for me! Vote for me!)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 14, 2005, 02:15:15 PM
Princess Pink and Lady Pontifex bluetoria aka Mama.


8) 8) 8) It wasn't me 8) 8) 8)

Anna 8) Lady in Red
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 14, 2005, 02:34:50 PM
Dearest Everyone,

 I think two words best describe this situation:
 Oh, my. :o
 Whoever said things can't happen overnight obviously didn't live in reality. ::)
 Now we have two religous-devout Claimants bustling around.  Our Pope/Lady-in-Waiting bluetoria (back to the lower-case... :'() has come to give us blessings, and our nun cooped up in a little abbey.  Tisk, tisk, even I can't keep up! :o  
 One minute we're arguing over pink and beau's, the next over Pope/LIN (Lady in Waiting, so much easier) bluetoria!  And everyone makes signature colors right when I'm about to get my clear eyesight back. :(  Torture, I have to highlight the words to read them! :-X  
 Why, it's been so terribly hectic that the poor Imperial Monkey is still sitting up his tree (is that a thunder storm I see? ;D).  I can't take Her Highness for her daily walks because of it!  She's done tore up my room, and that English nanny of mine has me cleaning 24/7!  My little hands are covered in ugly red blisters!  >:(  And the Cookies-n-Cream has not been stocked, and someone's stole all of the Doritos. :'(  
 I'm in sad shape now, absolutely no time for my self, it's always work, work, clean, clean, spy, spy, try to find something to eat, eat--well, you know the rest.  There's so much gossip circulating (even at the tea table) I can't keep the facts straight.  I'm afraid I just can't keep up like my dear Auntie Anna. :-[  
 At least I'm going to China!  The only thing is, when? ???
 
The absolutely adventure-withdrawled,
                Shvibi, Duchess of S&S :)

P.S. Mr. Grigory I, what wonderful stories you tell!  And your past is absolutely fasinating!  I would like a signed copy of your book and movie. ;D ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 14, 2005, 03:26:52 PM
Dearies,

What a surprise :D  :D
Someone tipped me to have a look in my kitchen aka profile.

A real pink birthday cake ;D Thank you my dearies :-* :-* :-*
You shouldn't have done this, I love it.

Now you all know my age (physical not mental ;)) You are all invited at my birthday party next sunday.
Hope there's some cake left.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 14, 2005, 05:27:52 PM
Greetings all! My dearest Popette in waiting - one hopes all goes well with the vote. I know I had suggested pink smoke, but really, I must change my mind now and say Blue smoke would be more appropriate if indeed they vote for you. I would send in my vote, but not being Roman Catholic, nor a Cardinal, I doubt even a vote paper bearing the Imperial arms of the House of Rumenough would do much good. Sigh. At least you are able to get away with being beard-less - if you were contending to be a Patriarch of one of the Orthodox Churches, we'd have to get you a beard that you could stick on.

Well, I must go, I am taking flying lessons, and will be doing a practice swoop over the Neva River this afternoon. It is all part of my preparation to find what happened to Tatiamelia.

Oh, before I forget, Princess Pink, could you send me a crate of pink prawns please, to myself care of the Winter Palace? The Duchess of Ningbeling is coming to a Reception and she is partial to prawns.
Cheerio
Georgiy Imperator
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 14, 2005, 06:00:48 PM
Caro Georgiy, blue smoke! What an excellent idea! It's just as well I stuck with what I got  ;)because the beard would never do...it's hard enough with skull caps & white silk stockings! But all in all I think the campaign is going well (it's amazing how easily these Caridinals yield to a glass of the finest Yorkshire spring water) & if you continue with your flying lessons you could take a photo or two from above the Vatican steps on the day of my inauguration! Won't that be jolly!!  8)

Now then, Schvibzik, 'my child' (I'm doing well with the appropriate phrases) Non se ne preoccupi (& language  8) ) if I am voted in I shall send you an Indulgence or two to permit you Doritos even on fast days...there now, what more could you want!
I might even deign to bless Aunt Anna's tasty cake! Buon compleanno, rallegramenti Anna!  8)

I so love my new surroundings...all those Swiss Guards in their fancy uniforms  ::)  ::)  - questo e veramente bello!  ::) 8)

Ciao amici!

Lady Pontifex (in waiting) bluetoria ++

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 14, 2005, 06:20:34 PM
My dearest Pontificatrix, if my lessons haven't advanced to the stage where I can fly myself there, I will charter an Imperatormobile to make sure I am there! Will you please wait until after Orthodox Easter for your Acsession Feast - I would dearly love to be there.
Cheerio
Imperator Georgiy
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 14, 2005, 06:23:41 PM
Dearest Pontifex in Waiting bluetoria:

 Oh, thank you, thank you!  You may have to talk your Blessing-Language to my nanny, though.  She just despises anything fun of any sort.  I'm thinking about inviting her to a carnival sometime.  Goodness, she just might die--her heart probably couldn't take it.  And the crumbs and wrappers... ::)
 Alas, that seems to not solve all of my troubles.  Dearie me, I'm counting down the days til we leave to China.  Perhaps we shall have a grand court ball while we're waiting? 8)
 Do not worry, my dear Auntie Anna, about not having enough cake.  There's four more in the freezer. ;D

The fidgeting
Shvibi, Duchess of S&S :)

P.S. Perhaps a ball for Auntie Anna's birthday party! ;D  I'm just dying for some more excitement.  Something grand.

P.P.S. I just realized something, I believe I am not registered to vote! :o :o :o
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 14, 2005, 06:33:26 PM
Lady Pontifex dearie,

Grazie for your congrats. The only Italian I know is quanto costa, that's all I need to know when shopping in Rome.
Talking about beards- you could wear something like the woman Pharaohs used to stick under their chin, that might do the trick.
We can call you Mama can't we?

Back to my blessed birthday cake.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 14, 2005, 06:48:17 PM

So, amici, it seems it's settled! Vatican here I come!! And yes, Georgiy, I'll wait till the appropriate time in your calendar for my inauguration!
G/D Anna, there is one more word you really MUST learn VINO! Without it, you'll be completely lost in Rome - especially on your birthday! (Mama will do nicely thank you!  8) )
Yes, it will be indulgences all round...any suggestions as to how to make BLUE smoke..... 8) 8) 8)
Got to go...these Swiss Guards are SO demanding & need such keeping in order!!
Ciao!

Habemus Mamam - ego sum

Lady Pontifex (in waiting but not for much longer  8)) bluetoria ++
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on April 14, 2005, 08:45:11 PM
From the cage paper of HIM ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Ph.D of all Bird Brains, etc. etc.

We ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, having had the privilege to sit in with OUR entire Imperial Budgerigar Court on a meeting of a College of Cardinals, and having been impressed with their splendid red plumage;

Hereby decree that forthwith, Our beloved Great Keet Galahad-Vladimir shall be styled Patriarch of all the Budgies, having expressed an interest in that heretofore vacant post, inspired by the cheery songs of our Catholic avian visitors.  

It is hoped that all Orthodox budgerigars, particularly those of us that are so lovingly tended in the Hermitage of at Least a Few Saints with the Same Names as the Royal Martyrs, will thus be inspired to learn their troparions, kontakions, stikhiri and akathists.  (Cossack Baby, you are overdue on having memorized the one to St. Dmitri, and this simply will not do.)

HIM ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 14, 2005, 09:32:17 PM
Dearest Claimants:

My goodness, even the budgies are a-twitter with color. That leaves only Tsar Doug (who I think is off on a bender with Father Guido Sarducci) and our beloved Shvibzik, who appears to be quite stunned that so many getting-up-years claimants still have some spring in their step!  ;)

As for me, I am gratefully wearing one of Princess Pink's gifts--the purple tee-shirt that says "Here Comes Trouble"--and wearing it proudly, I might add.   ;)

Yours for continued purple prose--

The GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 15, 2005, 06:45:27 AM
Dearest friends,
Well, the pink prawns are on their way, along with a few dozen lobsters.
bluetoria, my dear, I regret to inform you I cannot vote for you 1) I am not Catholic, and 2) it occurs to me that you have no dedication to your work, after all, you keep leaving employers, I think you are unreliable darling. If you are going to be Mama to millions of Catholics you will have to stick around.
Now, Grand Duchess Janet, so glad you are happy with your gift ;)

Well, still no sign of the elusive sunglasses...... 8)

On a brighter note, my dear husband has hired Pinktoria, our new Housekeeper/ lady in waiting. We can see the parquet floors again....
She was Miss Moldavia 1965. ;D

That's all for now, cherubs
Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink :-* :-* ;D ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 15, 2005, 10:51:42 AM
Quote
bluetoria, my dear, I regret to inform you I cannot vote for you 1) I am not Catholic, and 2) it occurs to me that you have no dedication to your work, after all, you keep leaving employers, I think you are unreliable darling. If you are going to be Mama to millions of Catholics you will have to stick around.

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink :-* :-* ;D ;)


Dearest Pink Princess,
Neither of these points are impediments to my pontificate! Firstly I can convert you with just a wave of my pontificial hand & secondly I have been working my way through various employers in order to gain a full understanding of the people of whom I am about to be Mama!  8) 8)
You see, the Swiss Guards adore me - (Or at least I adore them  ::) & can only assume the feeling is mutual)  

Let me put it more bluntly: if you want to see your sunglasses again...give me your vote!!   >:( (Or I shall have you excommunicated whether or not you have converted. (My child...my dear daughter etc. etc. )

Now back to the Guards - ah no ho mai veduto niente di piu bello!!  ::) 8)

Ciao amici e inamici!
Lady (I will be whether you like it or not) Pontifex bluetoria ++

The similarities between this fantasy and reality in all truth never cease to amaze me. Many a true word spoken in jext (except I'll never be Pope!!  ;D).  ;D

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 15, 2005, 03:46:11 PM
Well, it appears I will need to enroll in a  Berlitz class in conversational Italian this summer.  >:(

O solo mio--

The Huffy But Nicely Tee-Shirted GD/GP Janet,
Princess of Purple Prose
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 15, 2005, 11:30:24 PM
Dearest courtiers and various Orders of Monks and Nuns:

Fr. Guido and I went to the cafeteria here at the Vaticano this afternoon and no one'a  would'a  let me in because they'a no know me.  I told them I am'a the 'Secret Cardinale'  The Swiss Guards, they'a just'a laugh and say they heard that'a hundred times before'a.

They let little Father Sarducci in and he was a so nice he brought me some zoop to my room here at the Hotel for lonely priests visiting in Roma.  He's a so kind to me.  

Later this afternoon I told Fr. Sarducci that I'm'a the Tsar of Russia and he just a laugh his head off. How's that for respect?  I'm no sure we are friends no more.  What do you think?  Should I tell the head nun of the Vaticano that Fr. Sarducci is no a priest but he just a comedy man?

Well,   I did just that and the nuns they a just laugh their heads off. Can you imagine? The nuns say that Fr. Sarducci must be a priest because he's a been here for twenty years.   They just a laugh at me, again.

Everyone here'a is so confused.  Nobody knows who is who.  I'm a so sad.  

What's I'm a gonna do?

All the bests  from Your secret Tsar  &  [Cardinale Secreto]

Maybe I should a go a back to Tsarskoe Selo and have tea with the GD's Anna & Janet....they know who I am...I think a  they do?  Hope all is well with Princess Pink and Lady Blue...maybe see you soon back at the palace.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 16, 2005, 03:06:05 PM
Dearest Claimants All:

I think at this point we need a little separation between church and state. After all, just because I'm entertaining the idea of getting to a nunnery this summer does not mean I'll be taking any vows, for goodness sake!  :P  ::)

Perhaps Tsar Doug has been hanging around Father Guido a bit too much. Just between-a you and me, I think Father Guido can be something of a bad-a influence.

Now, did I read GD Anna's message correctly? Is she having a birthday tomorrow? Goodness, that is truly cause for celebration, especially if that pink birthday cake is big enough to accomodate us all. (I mean for consumption, not for hiding inside.)

BTW, many thanks again, dear Princess Pink, for that fabulous "Here Comes Trouble" tee-shirt. Whenever I wear it, crowds part before me like the waters of the Red Sea. Makes me feel so very very important!  :D

Adieu for now, as all this color has giving me the darndest GD/GP headache--

Yours for yadda yadda and yadda

The GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 16, 2005, 03:29:01 PM
Hotel Del Lonely en Roma  

Greetings  from the Ciudad Eternale, Roma.  8)

I just had a visit from Fr. Guido and Dame Edna from Australiana.  My what big glasses she has. She called me "possums".

Guess what? :-/  After Dame Edna left Fr. Sarducci told me a big secret. ::)  He said that Dame Edna is a dude.  I was shocked beyond belief.

No one is who they  appear to be here in this sunny city of forever, Roma.  Dame Edna, is a dude, Fr. Guido is a comedy man and no one thinks I'm a the Tsar of All Russia and Moldavia.  The whole town is more spurious than Hollywood. ;D  

GD Janet thinks that my friend Fr. Guido is a muy mal influence on me. :'(  What to do?  Maybe I go to Monaco and check on the Queen of Monte Carlo.  I must wear my sunglasses as she is all pink and even the swiming pool and the water  is all pink.  I even hear she served pink mashed potatoes.  I think I'll have a pink brewskie at her palace.

That's about all for now.  I should vote for Lady Blue for Pontifitrix.  Can you imagine that, a lady Pope.   I understand that  the ladies have to go to another building to check on the loo.

Greetings and Happy Birthday to GD Anna and all the staff at the palace in Tsarskoe Selo,  that little village we call home sweet home......Tsar Doug and the Sisters of Perpetual Chastity. ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 16, 2005, 11:47:37 PM
Greeting all Courtiers...we may be heading back to Tsarskoe Selo later this evening....more later...T.D.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 17, 2005, 06:19:28 AM
Dearest friends,
Greetings from Monaco, my cherubs!

bluetoria, you thief! I knew you stole my sunglasses, you have my vote, but please return my sunglasses, PLEASE. Without them I am seeing blue water, blue sky, oh my goodness, green trees and lawn, and the gardeners have planted yellow flowers, not just pink! The colours are just too much, I want my rose tinted glasses back please.
But I refuse to convert to Catholic, but you have my vote. :-[ :'(When will my sunglasses be back home to me???

Oh, and the guards? They are my friends too, so na na na!!!
Pete has his interests and I have the Swiss guards, so there, you are not the only hen in the hen house!

Her Royal Pinkness (all shades) but missing her sun shades
Princess Pink

:-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 17, 2005, 07:20:00 AM
Dear Pink & Dazzled Princess,

Now that I can count on your vote, here are the sunglasses - being labelled a thief doesn't do much for my hopes of being voted in as pope so I suppose I' better return them:

8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

Now, look here, you find your own guards - these Swiss ones belong to the Vatican & since I'm the only woman in there they ALL belong to me! So there - na, na, na!

Imperial Tsar/Cardinale  D. I'm so grateful for your vote & have no fear about the lack of facilities for ladies in the Vatican - when I am elevated to Pope all bodily finctions cease so such considerations will be entirely unnecessary.

Oh a Pope-in-waiting's work is never done - I have so many Indulgences & Papal blessings to sign &, it being Sunday, it is of course my busiest day of the week. What's more, the Cardinals are going into the conclave tomorrow so I have to do my last minute canvassing:

Habemus Mamam - Ego sum - Vote for me! Vote for me!

Lady (Soon to be) Pope bluetoria ++
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 17, 2005, 05:15:24 PM
My dear Princess Pink - many thanks for the pink prawns. They were absolutely pinkalicious, and the Duchess went back to her estate with a full stomach and a happy heart.

Well, my friends, I have exciting news. One was out strolling in Petersburg, when one came across an unusal fellow with a long straggly beard and piercing eyes, wearing a black cassock. At first I thought it might have been a fool-for-Christ, or maybe someone had escaped from the local 'hospital', but, no, it transpires that this person is a direct descendent of Grigory Efimovich! His name is Efim Grigorievich Rasputin-Novykh. Anyway, he is on his way to the Vatican to pass on my secret ballot for Blue's Papal bid. When he is back I intend to ahve him over to the Palace to talk about all kinds of things. I'll just make sure he sneaks in the back - wouldn't do to have peasant types wandering through the front door of the palace. That or I can go to talk with him at a mutual acquaintence's place. i might just go in disguise - my aviator outfit should do.
Cheerio

Imperator Georgiy
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 17, 2005, 06:19:41 PM
Dear Fellow Claimants:

Well, well, politics and religion, here we go again! All this Papal-pushing, and now, wouldn't you know, one of the Rasputin family is back in the mix. Makes me so veddy veddy glad that I am getting me to a nunnery.

All the same, I am a bit worried about Tsar Doug. First he's hobnobbing with the likes of Father Guido Sarducci, Dame Edna, and the Sisters of Perpetual Chastity, then he send us a cryptic message that he's headed back to Tsarkoe Selo. What could have possibly transpired between his hale-fellow-well-met bulletin and his "gotta go, more later" bulletin?! That Tsar Doug, he is definitely an enigma wrapped within a mystery!

Ah well, no matter. And now I must go frolic a few more times before packing for the nunnery. Soooo, happy happy birthday to dear GD Anna, and best to everyone else* and your equally colorful lives--

The soon-to-be Sister GD/GP Janet


* Even Princess Pink  :-* . . . you trollop!   ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 17, 2005, 06:36:49 PM
My dears,
One has just received a telegram from Our Friend, who says that there is good news for us, and that there will be blue smoke seen from the Vatican any day now. And he sends his prayers for GD Janet as she hies herself to the nunnery.

GD Janet, would you like a copy of Through the Postern Gate to read whilst at the convent?

Georgiy Imperator
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 17, 2005, 06:40:33 PM
Dear Georgiy:

If by "Our Friend" you mean that Rasputin descendant, I say Fie upon you sir--and Fie again!

Back to frolicking, I remain--

The Smokeless GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 17, 2005, 06:44:16 PM
P.S. How kind of you, Georgiy Imperator, to offer me reading material whilst I am at the convent . . . but no, I hope to spend the majority of my hours ramboling about the edelweiss-covered moutainsides--and, of course, never being late for meals.  ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 17, 2005, 06:55:00 PM
Meals? At a convent?! :o

Actually I understand visitors can be well fed, though I hear mixed stories - some monasteries on Mt Athos have better guest 'services' than others. Not sure about eidelweiss-vicinity ones though

Do let me know if you need something though, and will arrange a care package.

Of course I mean Efim Gregorievich by Our Friend, he has everyone's best interests at heart! ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 18, 2005, 06:13:19 AM
Dearest Lady bluetoria,
The return of my sunglasses is greatly appreciated 8) I am no longer squinting in the warm sun on my very large yacht.

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 18, 2005, 06:32:06 AM
Your Royal Fluorescence Princess Pink,

I'm so pleased you're happy with the sunglasses - here are a few more pairs that I found lying around  8) 8) 8)

I have no need of any now because the cardinals are in the conclave & I am lurking in a dark corner listening in to their discussions to ensure that all is going to plan! Sshhh! No one must hear me...
Habemus Mamam - Ego sum - remember to vote properly!!
Lady (it's only a matter of time now before I'm) Pontifex bluetoria ++
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 18, 2005, 08:12:29 AM
Oh my, Lady Bluetoria, the thought has occured to me, and I must warn you I am dangerous when I have been thinking, that when you are made Pope, you wont be able to be known as "Pope" because you are female, therefore, you should be known as Popess. There.

Now, Tsar Doug, Miss Pink and I are coming to Tsarskoe Selo next week, please dont forget this time, and please, I want a room in your draughty, leaky old palace that DOESNT leak on my forehead in the middle of the night. Please. :-/ There is nothing worse than a constant drip when one is trying to get some beauty sleep. And this time, no wondering the halls muttering, "I am your Tsar, my word is law" I know you are Tsar, but I will want to sleep. ;)
Well, that's it for now, Cherio Cherubs :-* :-* :-*

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink

My secretary who wears sensible navy was kind enough to show me how to colour my letters this afternoon. Toodles :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 18, 2005, 08:34:48 AM
Quote

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink

My secretary who wears sensible navy was kind enough to show me how to colour my letters this afternoon. Toodles :-*


:o   ;D

From now on Popesses will wear red!!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 18, 2005, 02:27:39 PM
Dear Aunties and Uncles,

 Much to Auntie Anna's relief, we shall not be the only royals here at the palace!  I hear her muttering regularly, asking why she was left alone here with me. ::)
 Who was that? :o  Someone just snuck into the church (I'm watching clips of the Carinals on the news), they were wearing a pair of pink sunglasses and blue smoke puffs up with every step. ???
 Anyway, Auntie Anna is suffering from on of her migrane spells again.  We were trying to get the poor Imperial monkey down from the tree, and she had boosted me up on her shoulders, but I couldn't reach, so I put one foot on her head. 8)  As for her birthday party, what can one say?  I couldn't think of anything to get her that everyone else wouldn't be getting her (blings!), so I got her another Dr. Spock book.  She's read through her other one about three times in the past week now, and I think she knows it by heart. :D ;)
 After we opened presents in her bouidor, we went into the dining room for cake and ice cream (I had to have vanilla, someone still hasn't stocked the Cookies-n-Cream... >:().  We were chattering amongst our selves, when the cook burst out of the kitchen, her hair standing on end and frozen.  She shouted that all four of the pink birthday cakes were missing.  Gee, I wonder where they went... ;D
 Auntie Janet, our soon-to-be nun, has been trying on those veil thingys today, all day.  She is upset she cannot wear her new shirts, but of course, nuns don't want purple trouble in their nunnery. ;D  She still hasn't taken us on that helicopter ride, which I was so sure she was going to do on Auntie Anna's birthday. :'(  Maybe Grigory I can take us, after all, he said he was an aviator.  I think I need to go find my leather jacket... 8)
 Uncle T.D. has sent us a homemade postcard from Pisa.  It shows him standing a bit a ways from the Leaning Tower, pointing his finger at it as if he was pushing it over. :P  He said he couldn't make it for Auntie Anna's party, but had taped a pair of earrings to it.
 I have gotten a letter from my mama, dated just recently.  Here's and excerpt:
 ".. We had money left over, so we took a plane headed the opposite way than we came (left).  The plane was hijacked, and we crashed on a deserted island, filled with jungle.  We're trying to survive on the little things we have, which is hard on us aristocrats.  We have no paper, and our phones don't work, so we can't contact anyone..."  I think she's been watching Lost again. ::) :-/
 Oh no, my tutors back, and he's got a pile of writing assignments.  Here we go again... :-X

Baffeled and pooped,
Shvibi, Duchess of S&S :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 18, 2005, 07:01:35 PM
Well, if you all can trust me, I would be happy to fly you anywhere - but bear in mind I have only had 3 flying lessons so far.

Now, a reliable source tells me that 1000s of people in Rome mistook blue smoke from the Vatican for black smoke, and in fact the Roman Church now has a new Mama/Popess. Congratulations Your Eminence, Bluetoria!
(Or am I jumping the gun?)

Cheerio

Georgiy the Imperator

(PS Svibz, it is Georgiy, that is, Russian for George not Grigory! But one has a Friend Efim Grigorievich son of a certain Grigory Novykh
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 18, 2005, 07:31:10 PM
Quote
Well, if you all can trust me, I would be happy to fly you anywhere - but bear in mind I have only had 3 flying lessons so far.


Oh my, I don't mean to be offensive, but I might as well fly it myself! :-/  Which actually would be worse. ;D

Quote
PS Svibz, it is Georgiy, that is, Russian for George not Grigory! But one has a Friend Efim Grigorievich son of a certain Grigory Novykh


Ah, right, I knew that.  I just got out of my Russian history lesson and--okay, it was a typo...  :-X

Later,
Shvibi, Duchess of S&S :)


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 18, 2005, 09:52:33 PM
Dearest Claimants:

Not to worry, before I stay at the convent I'll be flying my helicopter back and forth to transport all my royal claimant luggage, so you can join me then, dear Shvibzik, as co-pilot!

I suppose I haven't told all of you that I am an accomplished helicopter pilot. In fact, I was just getting ready to write a story for the kiddies about a spunky little copter, but I told my former friend, the Duchess of York, about my intent, and . . . well . . . drat her anyway, she took my idea and beat me to the publishers!  >:(  Honestly, I just have to learn not to trust so much.

Anyway, I fear that some of you have mistaken my summer sojurn for an actual convent commitment. Not so; the good sisters have promised me I can stay and be one of them for a few months, but no strings attached.  This suits me right down to the ground, because I already have far too many habits as it is.   ;D

As for meals, why yes indeedy-do, we certainly will enjoy nature's bounty at mealtime. In fact, I've already arranged to go out and be Chief Blueberry Collector while romping amongst the edelweiss. So join me, it'll be fun!

And dahlings, no one is ever going to make me give up my signature color . . . not even the nuns!

Au revoir for now--

Sister Golden Hair Surprise

a.k.a.

The GD/GP

P.S. I heard that several of our family have been standing outside the Sistine, singing "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" acapella. Really, dahlings, such daring!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 18, 2005, 10:26:15 PM
Special Report From Inside the Sistine Chapel

GD Janet has been able to sequester both herself and myself inside the Chapel.  I am posing as a housecleaning attendant.  It is my job to remove the ashes from the stoves where they burn the ballots.  Sister Janette [aka the GD Janet] is in charge of lighting the candles.

Fr. Sarducci is one of the Papal Secretaries that counts the ballots as they are removed from the gold plated urn. He does his comedy routine and the cards love it.

I also understand that GD Anna has installed special listening devices inside the mitres of several cardinales so that Radio Luxenburg can be the first to report on the votes.

The whole chapel is loaded with so many listening bugs that it would put James Bond to shame.

All of the above is  Top Secret.  We are hoping that the Grand Duchesses from Monoco will bring the cardinals some pink lemonade as they are so thirsty from all of the smoke in the chapel.  She can pose as Sister George of Marianbad.  That song, "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" was a hit...the cardinals loved it and even sang along.

Shhhhh....more later as things develop.  [Tsar Doug and  your Report From Inside].  8) ;D

PS:  Our helicopter pilot Imperitor  Georgiy has land on the roof...now what?  Does he have Princess Shivbi onboard?  Where is the Popessa Bluetoria?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 18, 2005, 10:41:07 PM
Yes, it was a bit of a nightmare flight, and I was actually on my way to the Crimea, the controls didn't do what I wanted them to do, but luckily I was able to land safe and sound. I think the story I heard from Efim Grigorievich about the blue smoke may have been just rumour, as Bluetoria hasn't confirmed or denied that she is Popess yet. It just so happens that I have a special formula on me guaranteed to turn white smoke blue, and will make sure it gets to the right hands. It also happens that I had a cardinal's outfit in my suitcase, so I am sure no one will notice me, except perhaps for the beard...

GD Janet, you never know you might find days of blueberry gathering are your cup of tea, and stay much longer at the convent than you planned. As you can imagine, one is partial to blueberries oneself.

But I must go now, and get this blue smoke producer to the right people. I am determined that our Bluetoria will be the new Mama/Popess of Rome.

Cheerio all

Imperator Georgiy

PS: I hope I can find my way back to the Winter Palace or Crimea, I hadn't really planned any State Visits overseas, and only have my small crown with me. Oh, I thought that the Popess was with you Tsar Doug. Has anyone seen her? I was far too off course to collect Princess Shvibsi - she'll have to get here under her own steam (or blue smoke!)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 19, 2005, 01:03:37 PM
Special report to all my dearies from radio- Luxemburg.


IT'SA  PAPA, NOTA MAMA!

Bluetoria, I guess it's back to the kitchen or the convent?

Why I had to report this through radio-Luxemburg is a compleet mystery to me, I'm still at Tsarskoe cleaning up the mess from my birthday party with no guests :'(

Georgy my dearie, which direction do I send little Shvibi, Winter Palace or Crimea? Steam is coming out of her ears -the girl can be very impatient, so please cable me where you are. I've pinned directions-how to communicate with teenagers- in duplicat on her coat. When you receive her at the station, please send back one signed document for my administration.

Everybody seems to be abroad, so I booked a flight Timbuktu, with a bit of luck I'll be into the desert at lunch time.

Anna 8) 8) wearing extra sunglasses against the desert sun


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 19, 2005, 01:13:37 PM
 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Lady Non pontifex sum, feeling very BLUEtoria.  :'( :'(

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 19, 2005, 01:34:06 PM
Our Visit to the Royal Court of Timbuktu........

The royal court is magnificent and very well organized. When the king goes from one city to another with the people of his court, he rides a camel and the horses are led by hand by servants. If fighting becomes necessary, the servants mount the camels and all the soldiers mount on horseback. When someone wishes to speak to the king, he must kneel before him and bow down; but this is only required of those who have never before spoken to the king, or of ambassadors. The king has about 3,000 horsemen and infinity of foot-soldiers armed with bows made of wild fennel [?] which they use to shoot poisoned arrows. This king makes war only upon neighboring enemies and upon those who do not want to pay him tribute. When he has gained a victory, he has all of them--even the birds--sold in the market at Timbuktu.

Tsar Doug Reports From  The Fabled City of Timbuktu

All Courtiers of the Russian Realms, please note that we may be applying many of the norms and ideas from this country to our own dear Motherland of Russia.

Hello to GD Anna and I am sorry to miss your  birthday celebrations but was able to drink the melted ice cream from the bowls still left on the tables around the palace. 8)

All arriving Courtiers please note also that the royal palace here is a magnificent mud brick building with no windows....hence no need for air conditioning.  Cheers.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 19, 2005, 04:07:16 PM
Well, I am safely back at the Winter Palace. I got a little bit lost on the way and ended up flying over Africa. I swooped low over Timbucktoo. Did you see me waving Tsar Doug? Luckily I was able to get back to a more reasonable climate before the several big tubs of gelato I bought in the Vatican melted. Dearest Bluetoria, will be sending you a parcel of blueberry delight gelato.
GD Anna - my apologies as well, but if Princess Shvibs is able to drop by the Winter Palace later on, I will give her a ten-gallon tub of gelato for her to take over to you. Are you sure one receipt for the Princess will be enough, or will I need to fill out in triplicate? And which station will her Highness be arriving at. One had better go to meet her in person - some servants can be quite unreliable.
I've put some extra gelato aside for GD/Sister Janet in case she needs some while at the convent. Do let me know, and a cossack guard will take it to you.

Well - must go. I have to deliver a speech to the Amelia Earhart Appreciation Society later today, and need to sort out my evidence that she was really Grand Duchess Tatiana.

Cheerio

The Imperator, Georgiy
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 19, 2005, 04:15:51 PM
Dear  :'( Imperator  :'( Georgiy :'(  Please could you pick me up in your plane? I'm lost somewhere in the Dolomites wandering back barefoot from Rome  :'( :'( where they didn't want me  :'( :'(
Please.
bluetoria  :'( :'( :'( IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!!  :'(

(does anyone have any jobs going please???)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 19, 2005, 04:31:16 PM
Dearest Bluetoria - am on my way! I will try not to lose my way. I will bring you back to the Winter Palace. I must get back there within 4 hours though as Princess Shvibs is coming over. Let's all have some gelato together (it's a special Lenten type I am afraid...)

I understand there is a vacancy for a Cardinal-ship in Germany, so will put your name forward. I have some left over blue smoke, so will send my Imperial message to them in a cloud of it! See you shortly.

G I.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 19, 2005, 04:43:04 PM
Thank you, G.I. - see how quickly my tears have evaporated at the prospect of some gelato - I'm starving here in the Dolomites, please hurry!
And now I can become a Cardinal!!  :) :)
I've changed my name to Redtoria to suit my new Cardinal robes!! Umm, I was okay with Italian but...anyone happen to have a German phrase book?  :-/
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 19, 2005, 05:06:10 PM
Nein, Lady Redtoria, but I have a Russian one. I should be over the Dolomites any minute now. Ah! There you are! Stand clear of the helicopter, and I'll pick you up in a jiffy.

Georgiy Imperator.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 19, 2005, 05:36:22 PM
assalèmoe âaleekoem (Hello) my dearies,

Georgy dearie, keep my gelato in the frigde till I'm back. Shvibi will take a taxi-- she always does-- to the palace. One receipt for the Duchess will be sufficient, otherwise Zoya my secretary will get highly confused. Give Shvibi something to do like dusting the paintings, she will be ready by the time I get back.
Here in Sheik el Rachid's tent I'm enjoying dates and a water pipe.... uche uche... keep breathing...I'm getting the hang of it, dearie me :P
Alas still no sign of Valentino on his white horse....to abduct me. Wearing a veil with sunglasses,in this heat that's no picnic believe me.
In the meantime I entertain the Sheik with my stories about Tsar D, I can tell more than 1001.

Dearie me that's no fata morgana :o Was I thinking seeing my prince on his horse in the distance, is it Dougie dear bumping on a camel, long live blurring veils.
I thought he was building sand castles?

maâassalèm, ana lèzim amsjie. (Goodbye, I have to go)

Anna--- wearing sunglasses under her veil
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 19, 2005, 06:13:47 PM
Don't worry Annushka - the gelato is suitably chilled. I have txted to the cossack to escort Princess Shvibs to her taxi, and sign the receipt in case I don't get back with Redtoria on time. Princess S will not only dust the pictures, she will straighten the beds and do other things around the palace and let Zoya have a rest. (Of course Princess Shvibsi doesn't know about this yet...)

Goodness me, what unusual things you see through your veil - are you sure it is on the right way round, or is it one of those burqas from Afghanistan you are wearing with the grille in front of your eyes? Pass on my regards to Tsar Doug.

G I
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 19, 2005, 10:42:55 PM
Ciao, Claimants:

Oh that Tsar Doug. Well, yes, I admit it, I dropped everything I was doing to be in on his latest outrageous plot, which involved me posing as a Sister, and T.D. posing as a cleaning lady. So when closing time came at the Sistine, we just sort of edged ourselves back into a closet and then waited for all of the cardinals to appear. You'd think we'd have gotten the scoop of the century, but no, those cardinals were a rather quiet lot. The only person that made any noise at all was a fellow lying back on a scaffolding, touching up all those wall murals. He was swearing up a storm--all that paint falling into his face, I suppose. Also, one of the red-frocked men kept walking underneath and exclaiming, "When will you make an end of it?"  "When I am finished!" replied the paint-spattered man, dumping a can of burnt umber on the good cardinal. Fortunately T.D. and I were tucked out of the way, but my goodness, what a clatter.

And then, suddenly, T.D. vanished . . . to Timbucktu? Well, that sounds like our dear T.D. Unfortunately, he left me in the broom closet with the mop and pail.

Oh well, the cardinals took pity, and soon I was quaffing gelato with them all. (So yes, I would looovvee a care package of the stuff once I arrive at the convent!) Finally we decided to make some s'mores, and when we toasted the marshmallows . . . I confess (as I did for much of the time I was with the cardinals, I admit), that's when smoke started to exit the building, and--well--that signaled the end of our fabulous little party.

I am quite sorry for Redtoria and the rest, but my dears, it's still a man's world. So, my advice to you is just go with the flow and maybe you too will be invited to a papal party cookout.

Also, I must say this nonsecular life is agreeing with me rather well, so perhaps it is time to hang up my madcap. Tho' I continue to stress to the good sisters that I am staying at the convent as a mere vacationer, and NOT a postulant!

In conclusion, blessings be upon all of you, especially those candidates who thought they'd be Pope Joan II.

And darling Shvibik, do not despair. This royal claimant thing does take some getting used to, but you'll get the hang of it yet! Just stock up on lots and lots of aspirin.

From another party somewhere in Roma, I remain--

Your Globetrotting GD/GD Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 19, 2005, 11:06:09 PM
Dearest Friends,
Have you all taken leave of your senses and gone compleeetly potty???
Who in their right mind wants to go to the desert?

Lady redtoria, so sorry you are not the new Mama/Popess :'(maybe a higher calling will come your way very soon. I told you you'd look no good in white robes and silly tall hats anyway.......

Well, back to the yacht and my gorgeous Spanish sailing instructor 8) 8)

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink
:-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 19, 2005, 11:45:31 PM
Inside the Royal Palace at Timbukto

GD Anna, please tell us what we are doing here?  This place is so dusty and I am beginning to feel like Larry of Arabia. :-/ Except that I am not that blond.

Yes, I am taking camel riding lessons but now have lesions on my rear end from all the terrible bouncing around.  How-do-they-do-it?

 What ever became of the old French Foreign Legion?  We do need them here at once as the Swiss Guards are having lobster with the new Papa Ratzi in Roma.

 Can you imagine that?  Now we have had two Papas from the WW II era and both were on the "other" side, at least in the beginning.  All is forgiven though.

GD Janet,  soon to be  visiting the nunnery, as a vacationer.  You know I did send the Empress of Russia to a convent east of Moscow.  She wrote the other day and said that she is having a grand time and wished that she could have become a nun before she married me.  Is she really trying to say that being married to moi caused her to want to be a nun in a convent?   ;D  I am so glad that she is happy at last and that she can learn some songs in Swiss and make a movie.

Thank you GD Janet for noting that Mike the Angel,  who lives on the Via Veneto, was finally hired to make some repairs to that ceiling with all the risque pictures.  Oh yes, Mike  is a bartender at the Tratatoria Bar on that street of dreams....the Veneto.

Well back to the reality of  building sand castles in Timbukto with a little help from C3PO and R2D2.

Tsar Doug....with black hands from all  those ashes from the stove in the Chappella Sistina. 8) ;D :D ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 20, 2005, 07:06:19 AM

Wow! What fun it is being the new Bavarian Cardinal - what a brilliant brainwave G.I. had to push me out of his helicopter over sunny Bavaria.
GD Janet, if you'd care to come and stay in a convent here you'll find everything to your liking - I've done away with all the old rules & a jolly good time is being had by all! There are some beautiful fairy-tale cloisters designed by dear old Ludwig II.
Even the language is no barrier....these wonderful Wittelsbach are all away with fairies so we can speak any language we like & no one understands what anyone else is saying anyway. Hum along to Wagner & they love you!!
This is FAR FAR better than being Pope - keep the Vatican give me Munich anyday.
GD Anna & Tsar D.  perhaps you might like to come down for the beer festival...(might be better to leave Shivbi at home - who knows what she'll get up to if she's given free rein with the beer kegs.)
Pink Princess, care to join us? But could you change first - the pink & red might clash?  8)

Your new Cardinal in positively spiffing red robes Lady Redtoria
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 20, 2005, 08:44:08 AM
Dearest Lady Redtoria
So  kind dahhling, for you to invite me to Octoberfest, but that is months and months away.... :-/Can we not conduct our own beerathon much sooner???
The only other colour in my wardrobe is slime lime, dont think that goes too famously with red either dahling ;)
Now, I have been thinking(danger again) but I think you failed to become Popess/ Mama because you were not fluent in ten languages. So that can become your project while you await the next vacancy and by picking up several more languages you should be elected next time!!! ;D :D :)
No worries!

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink  (all shades)

:-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 20, 2005, 04:13:44 PM
Yes, as we were flying over Germany, I swooped a little lower so as we could enjoy the scenery, and we came across the most wonderful monastery, so I gave our Lady Redtoria the old heave-ho, and was happy to note she landed right on the rather rotund stomach of a prelate who looked like he was sleeping off  a keg or two from an unseasonable Oktoberfest. I hate to think what injuries she might have sustained had the prelate not been there, but happily he was fat and soft enough to make it like landing on a feather mattress.

Well, I was disappointed to get back to the Winter Palace and discover almost allt he gelato had been eaten. Princess Shvibs says it wasn't her, but that I was an awfully long time getting back from the Dolomites, and so maybe someone had got hungry. She said she suspected the Cossack I'd sent tot he station to collect her. Luckily there is just enough left over to send to GD Janet at the convent. My dear, please hide it from the sisiters. I will send it by special delivery disguised as a crate of books. They won't suspect a thing.

Well, must fly (not literally), but I have an audience with Pope Benedict and would like to discuss promotion for Cardinal Redtoria with him.
Cheerio for now

Georgiy Imperator AKA G I
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 20, 2005, 08:45:27 PM
Ok, I am quite sure this claim will blow all others out of the water.
My Russian-speaking, German born grandmother was the illegitimate daugher of Tsar Nicholas II and  daugher of Agathon Faberge, Carl Faberge's younger brother. The liason took plac3e in 1882 when Agathon began working with Carl in St. Petersburge. I have all the missing eggs to prove my claim and if you believe that, just wait until you check my DNA. Now the real problem is, do I have a legitimate claim to the throne and the Romanov fortune since my grandmother was illegitimate? Also, just to clear up one never-ending saga, Aunt Anastasia did escape and come to live with us. We were all upset with that AA thing. As for the DNA thing, I am reluctant to provide you with hair, spit or anything else you need to verify my claim. Twenty years ago, my grandmother spit in a petri dish so a group of scientists could verify DNA. We never heard from them after that, nor did they return the spit. I am sure you can understand why I hesitiate. I do think it is time to return a woman to the throne as I have always admired Catherine the Great. Also, I am willing to covert to Orthodoxy, but will not disavow my own religion. I do believe there is a precedent for this. As for pictures, once you compare my high cheek bones (a little Native American blood we can't explain) and facial structure to that of other Romanov's you will see a striking resemblance. However, to really see any resemblance, you must consume large amounts of vodka. Also, I have a lot of information about the lives of the IF as my grandmother was permited to serve as a cleaning woman at the Imperial Palaces. However, all of this information is secret. So secret  I can only taunt you with it on this thread, but never never reveal it. And now, I offer my final proof, I love Siberian huskies and have always named my huskies after members of the IF.
Please consider my official claim.
Title: GeorgRe: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 20, 2005, 09:17:40 PM
Dearest Beersoaked Claimants:

My darlings, I must admit a certain concern for you all, since beer is so very very high caloric. As for myself, here in Roma I am a-sticking to da vino, both white and red. (I always toast Redtoria with the latter.)

And many thanks, T.D., for telling me about Mikey D'Angelo's Trattoria Bar . . . I have become a regular there, and it's absolutely fabulous because every-abody knows my name. When I walk in all the barflies cry out in unison, "Look-a, it's da Grand-a Duchess forwarda backaslash Grand-a Princessa!"  I tell you, Claimants, rarely have I received such devotion. The only problem I have is with a little frizzy-haired barkeep called Karl. What this Scandanavian guy is doing in Roma I haven't a clue-a, but he seems to be rather jealous of the mutual attraction Mikey D. and I have shown for each other. Sigh. Let's face it, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone granny pants.

Georgiy Imperator, I thank you so much for continuing to make good on that shipment of gelatto. And may I suggest that during your audience witht the new Pope, you ask him about his culinary skills? A couple of mornings ago I dined with him, and my dear, he has quite a way with eggs.  ;)

As for my summer convent plans, not that I want to disappoint Redtoria, but I'm afraid I've already signed up with an estabulary overlooking Salzburg. (Shh, don't say anything to her, but I'm wondering, what with her color change, if she might have commie connections. Plus one never knows when Pinktoria might drop by, and I'm still rather put out with that wench!  >:()

Just now, though, I'm having fun in the Eternal City. In fact, last night I became soooo woozy after an evening at Mikey's, on the way home I fell asleep on a bus bench. Who should come by but a rather handsome young newspaper reporter, who took me back to his apartment and let me sleep in his pajamas. Since he was not in them himself, it was all quite innocent I assure you. However, when I awoke I must admit to being quite surprised. But then he suggested we spend a day on the town doing exactly what I wanted to do, and you know, I think he's got it into his head that I'm a potential newspaper story. So far, then, we've had my hair cut, ridden a scooter, visited the Wall of Truth, and gone swimming in the Tiber. (He thinks I don't know he's taking photos of me on the sly. Ha!  ::)) It has all been quite amusing, and besides, the haircut was going to happen at the convent anyway. (That way I can't wear curlers in my hair, though I doubt they can keep me from singing in the abbey.)

Yes, I admit it, 'twould be fun to be riding camels with T.D. and being asked every morning by Omar the Caravan Leader, "One hump or two?"  ;) But, sometimes a GD/GP just has to choose. And for right now I feel such good vibes in Rome, especially with that handsome young reporter. Why, I've even been loosing my purple! Oh la, what stories I'll be able to tell the nuns . . . .

Eternally Yours,

The On-the-Lam GD/GP
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 20, 2005, 09:22:53 PM
Gadzooks, as if the advent of Shvibzik wasn't enough, now here comes Lexi4! Paging Tsar Doug and Spy Anna!

The Not-So-Unique-Anymore

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 20, 2005, 10:07:11 PM
Dearest GD Janet - I shouldn't worry too much - if Lexi's claim is correct, her illustrious ancestor was sired when HIH was a lad of 14. Not impossible - but would Minnie have let him carry on like that at such a young age. Maybe she's got her dates a bit wrong. Speaking of dates, I must thank tsar Doug for his shipment of Timbuktu dates which one has just received. Too delicious.

I will get some more gelato after my audience with Pope Benedict. I will be sure to swap recipes - always on the look out for good egg recipes as very soon it will be Pascha (Easter) and I will have eggs till they are going out of my ears.

I do hope Redtoria is settling in as a Cardinal. I am a bit worried about her - I haven't heard anything from her since she bounced off the fat prelate.

Cheerio all,
G Imperator
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 20, 2005, 10:27:28 PM
Georgiy and Janet,
Hello there!
Now why would I let a few facts ie the age of the Tsar interfer with a valid claim??? No one else ever has. Like I said, it all becomes clearer through the bottom of a vodka bottle. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
besides, maybe the young nicholas was quite virile :) ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 20, 2005, 10:32:59 PM
Quote

 :o   ;D

From now on Popesses will wear red!!



You and Camilla, huh? 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Robert_Hall on April 20, 2005, 10:57:25 PM
"popesses"? Has someone been reading too much of edespalais ?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 21, 2005, 05:21:37 AM
Quote
"popesses"? Has someone been reading too much of edespalais ?


Dahhling, being totally uncultured and a natural blonde I have no idea what edespalais is. But I can tell you I named our Lady redtoria a Popess as she is female and could not have been known as a Pope.
Speaking of our Lady Redtoria, perhaps she has been kidnapped by a bunch of beersoaked Bavarians???


The good news is I have a new pink tee shirt that says "I'm blonde, what's YOUR excuse?" People are looking at me differently now.

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 21, 2005, 05:34:50 AM
Have no fear dearest Pinky, I am quite safe & not kidnapped at all. I was simply a little lost in one of these fairy-tale castles built by dear old Luddy II-shoes. These Wittelsbachs are such fascinating company - though various members behave a little stranger imagining they are characters in an opera & we have had to call the Royal Physician to remove various musical instruments from their stomachs. I blame the excess of beer. (Is it possible to have an excess of beer  ::).
Now then, dearest Pink Princess, have no fear about the clashing colours; people here see pink elephants all the time so your pretty pink should fit in perfectly.
It's a shame that GD Janet didn't accept the invitation but I suppose she's too busy with her 'boys' & has opted for Switzerland in the hope of finding a few guards (someone should tell her that they're all in the Vatican. Oh! I don't know! The things people get up to in spring!
As if it isn't bad enough with GD Anna drifting about the sand dunes in search of Turkish delight! Thank goodness we have a very strict Pope now - he'll put a stop to all these shinanigans!
Meanwhile, the squashed prelate on whom I landed is sleeping off his hangover on a bar stool in the Hofbrauhaus & I am being measured for new robes.
I'm bringing the beerfest forward to May...do come when you can!
Blessings,
Cardinalette Redtoria

p.s. Thanks for the advice about the languages - I;ve started learning sign language, bad language, foul language & double-Dutch (so that's 4 for a start - in a couple of years I might make ten & I'll be off to the Vatican again. Toodle-pip!)  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 21, 2005, 03:41:24 PM
Hello from the Wintery Palace!

 Well, this has been quite frazzling.  Somehow I ended up here, and my aunties scattered across the world.  Does anyone realize my parents could send for me (or even worse, actually come) anytime at Tsarkoe and no one would be there? ???
 Indeed, I got here by very strange circumstances--again.
 Someone had grabbed my hair from my bed, pulling me out, and then picked me up (grunting, for I had finished what cake I saved...oops, that slipped ;D).  I was half asleep and half awake, but when the front door open, that someone threw me out onto the hard concrete
and woke me up.  I landed flat on my buttocks, and just as I tried to get up, my bags came flying and pounded me in the head, knocking me over.  Rubbing my head, I sat up and watched as Auntie Anna climbed into a wooden crate labled "Timbuktu".  Sigh, Auntie Anna always has to travel spy-style. ::)
 As I watched the crate get loaded onto a waiting helicopter, a stout little man (literally.  I wouldn't be surprised if he was a Munchikin starting in The Wizard of Oz.) prodded my on my shoulder.  In a slurrly accent, he pointed toward a waiting taxi.  I nearly fainted, as usual.  The little man waddled over to the taxi, gesturing that I follow him.  I did, but as I went, again displeased, toward my bags, he grabbed them, slurrly grunting for my to get into the taxi.  I got in, but just as I was about to buckle my seat belt (he had a bumper sticker, inside his car saying "Buckle up Kentucky", although we're in Russia.  Hmmm, I thought, he must have visited the USA on vacation.  Actually, I had no idea if taxi drivers go on vacation, or why he would want to visit a hillbillie state (no offense). ) and he threw in my bags.  So much for the trunk...he probably couldn't reach it. ;D ;)
 He climbed (yes, literally) into the drivers side, and buckled his seat belt, but I don't know what good it will do, it's much too big.  He drew his little foot up, aiming for the gas peddal, so I braced myself, ready for a squealing start.  Of course, that was a waste of time.  First, he missed it because of his extremely stubby legs.  He again got situated on the edge of the seat, and this time hit the pedal right on.  Except, we didn't squeal off, we jerked forward, stop, forward, stop.  Finally he was able to stay on the gas, but he only went about ten miles per hour.  It took him twenty minutes for him to get out of the palace gates! :o
 After about the third time having to stop at the same stop light, I rolled down my window (his arms were too little to reach the air conditioning--and the radio dial, which I wasn't too sad about, for I feared elves singing Christmas carols might come on) and looked out.  As fate would have it, there's Polussian Taxi Guy, staring a cold stare back at me. :o  As the light turned green, I put my hands by my ears, spread out my fingers, and wiggled them, sticking out my tounge. :P 8)  His face went red, as my taxi plodded forward.  I regret this now, for my taxi he is the complete opposite of Polussian Taxi Guy -- slow.
 So it was a wild goose chase the rest of the way to the Winter Palace, us trailing, and the Polussian Taxi Guy stopping every few minutes so we could catch up and he could attempt to chase us. ::) :P
 When the little driver gestured me to get out, I asked him (I swear it slipped) if I could use him for a sheild incase a mad man came after me.  He gave me the most bewildered look, and slowly asked me to get out.  I mummbled an apology, and after I stepped out, ran quickly to the palace.  
 I was surprised and overjoyed to find a gallon of gelato sitting on a table.  I went to grab it, but a husky voice stopped me.  I was sure it was the Polussian guy, but had lost the accent.  I slowly turned around, and came face-to-face with a black eyed, scraggly haired, dirty, skinny man.  I nearly leaped out of my skin.  "P-p-please, s-sir," I stuttered, "I-I-I am supposed to b-be here, y-you can g-g-go back to your g-g-grave yard n-now."  He laughed a distant laugh, and patted his stomach, or what was left of it.  I'm surprised he hasn't eaten the gelato yet! :o
 I lightly tapped his shoulder, grabbing the gelato, and ran to find and maid and have her show me my room, where I went through many gallons of the gelato.  I still think Cookies-n-Cream is MUCH better, though. ;D
 When Greogiry I (uncle? ???) came back, with his hair ruffled, leaves in his hair, and read circles around his eyes from his goggles, stared at the dozen maids cleaning up the ice cream messes.  I swore it wasn't me, but for some reason I don't think he believed me... :-X :D
 Now I am going through the small-print, dusty aviator books, trying to figure out helicopters.
 I am sooooo happy to get away from my tutors.    
 My, Lady bluetoria, Auntie Janet, your wild sides have definately been released!  I'm glad I'm not the only person who knows the meaning of fun!  And Auntie Anna, please bring me back a camel, from what you have said, you have oh so much fun of them!  How is Timbuktu, by the way?  Have you seen Edgar (from The Aristocats) ;D ;)
 Hello, lexi4 (I am uncertain whether or not to capitalize your name.  Are you claiming you are a Grand Duke?  I'm really quite slow on these things...  8) ::) ), I'm not sure you really know what you're getting yourselve into, I hope you're prepared... ;D :-X

Later,
Shvibi :)

P.S.  Auntie Pinklady, if you want, I found this wonderful pink hair dye, it would go good with most of your outfits.  Actually, all of them. ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 21, 2005, 04:09:46 PM
Dearest Princess Shvibsi - I hope you are all right. I just got handed a note from the Police which says "We saw Princess Shvibsi, and she was very naughty." I hope this will be a lesson to you not to poke your tongue out again!

I must apologise for your treatment by the Cossack - why they sent you Wee Willy Winkovich I do not know. They should have sent you Prince Stefanovich who is the normal cossack escort for visiting Royalty.

I have good news. Apart from a top-secret recipe for eggs benedict from the new Pope (which I am under oath not to share), I was able to bring back a shipment of cookies-and-cream gelato. I am having a Gelato-fest this evening at the Winter Palace, and all are invited. Please bring your own spoons, as the dishwashing staff are all on strike. i have also arranged for a keg of finest St Petersburg Beer to be sent to the recovering Bavarian prelate.

Lady Redtoria - is there anything you need that I can send from St Petes? Or will you be coming to my Gelato-fest?

I swear the red-eyes are from too much flying, with and without goggles.

Cheerio,
Georgiy Imperator. (I want to abbreviate Imperator to Imp, but am scared it might be taken the wrong way.)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 21, 2005, 04:45:57 PM
Quote
Hello from the Wintery Palace!
 
    
   Hello, lexi4 (I am uncertain whether or not to capitalize your name.  Are you claiming you are a Grand Duke?  I'm really quite slow on these things...  8) ::) ), I'm not sure you really know what you're getting yourselve into, I hope you're prepared... ;D :-X

Later,
Shvibi :)
 ;D

Shvibi,
Does't matter about the capitalization and you can drop the 4. That was an accident I am afraid I am stuck with.
As for my claim, acutally it is for the non-existant throne. I should tell you, I am female, so being a Grand Duke is out, Grand Duchess ? maybe? Anyway, don't worry about being slow. I am actually quite confused, not fully recovered from that jump off the bridge so my memories are fuzzy. And no, I have no idea what I am getting myself into, fun, I hope.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 21, 2005, 04:55:20 PM
Lexi-- See what I mean by slow? ;D  The "lexi" thing kinda threw me off, sorry. :-/  

Georgiy I--Yes, all is fine.  I am just waiting impatiently for the Cookies-n-Cream. ;D  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 21, 2005, 04:55:51 PM
Dearest Imperial Courtiers:

GD Anna and I are having the time of our lives here in Timbo as we call it.  This city is the best kept secret in all the world.  I can't imagine why Hilton has no Hotel here.  That guy over in America, Donald something,  must have a casino here...it is just the most fabulous place on earth. We have the whole country to ourselves.  

Greetings to Imperator:  yes, you are very welcome for the dates.  They will make great milk shakes and this will go well with your eggs Benedict.  Please send the secret recipe to Tsarskoe Selo immediately as I desire that our chef Juliana try it out for us when we return to the Alexander Palace.  Also send us your recipe for Shrimp on the Bar- Be.  The kind they make over in OZ land.  Watch out for the new volcano in New Zeewee also. ;D

GD Janet:  Is it all right for us to visit you at the convent this summer?  We'd love to bring along some cossacks to entertain the nuns. :D

Princess Shiv:  I am positively overjoyed with your acceptance into Oxford College next year.  Please let us know if we can send you anything.  ;) I understand that you will be majoring in Short Stories.

All the best and cheerio and all that rot.....Tsar Doug and the GD Anna having a swell time here at the palace in Timbuk.

PS:  Dear Lexi 4:  Please be advised that there is not any room left in the hallway for you to store your royal regalia.  All wigs, uniforms, ball gowns and your tiara with the flashing lights must be worn at all times.  Do I make myself clear, dear one!  We only have real royalty here...none of that tinsel type.  Here at the palace we have the real tinsel.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 21, 2005, 05:15:25 PM
Quote
Dearest Imperial Courtiers:


PS:  Dear Lexi 4:  Please be advised that there is not any room left in the hallway for you to store your royal regalia.  All wigs, uniforms, ball gowns and your tiara with the flashing lights must be worn at all times.  Do I make myself clear, dear one!  We only have real royalty here...none of that tinsel type.  Here at the palace we have the real tinsel.

Douglas, Not to worry. I will not remove any of my personal items. However, I must ask could I please bring my own tinsel? Also, can you make accommodations for my jewels?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 21, 2005, 05:17:25 PM
Quote
Lexi-- See what I mean by slow? ;D  The "lexi" thing kinda threw me off, sorry. :-/  
  

My Dear Shvibzik,
There is no need to apologize. However, should you feel that there is, just send the cookies and cream.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 21, 2005, 05:22:49 PM
Dear Untitled :'(  Lexi,

Jewels, you say you have? ;D ;D ;D Well, as for the Cookies-n-Cream, I will have to say we'll have to play for it.  Lets say...the bling bling game.  Which one?  Why, my favorite, the one where you try to wear as much as possible without stumbling or falling. 8)

WARNING : Do not try this in traffic.  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 21, 2005, 05:46:44 PM
Quote
Dear Untitled :'(  Lexi,

Jewels, you say you have? ;D ;D ;D Well, as for the Cookies-n-Cream, I will have to say we'll have to play for it.  Lets say...the bling bling game.  Which one?  Why, my favorite, the one where you try to wear as much as possible without stumbling or falling. 8)

WARNING : Do not try this in traffic.  


Your on. However, I would like to ad this challenge...Try to balance one of the faberge eggs on your head while wearing your tiara. You can pick the one with only one requirement. The selection must come from the eggs given to Alexandra by her husband and my father.
But please, first do you think you could assist in finding a title?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 21, 2005, 09:39:04 PM
Fellow Claimants:

Squashing prelates? Balancing Faberge eggs on one's head?!

This has all become, as darling Shvibzik puts it, "Quite frazzling," and I am suddenly (pardon the lingo) rather pooped. Must take more vit-amins, I suppose.

(BTW, Shiviby, Auntie GD/GP Janet is most proud of your restraint in using the word "buttocks" rather than something else.  ;))

TD, I'm not sure if the nuns will have room to put up an  entire troup of cossacks, but I'll certainly check into the matter.  Perhaps the nuns could teach the cossacks to sing about naughty postulants, and the cossacks could teach the nuns how to dance and yell "Hey!"

Now must get back to my handsome young American reporter. We're going dancing on a barge tonight; hope I have the energy. And then maybe our new best friend the Pope will fix us that fabulous egg dish of his for breakfast tomorrow. It's like buttah!

In the meantime, everyone talk amongst yourselves--

The Tired-of-Multitasking, Ready-to-Focus-On-Just-One-Guy-at-a-Time GD/GP Janet


Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 21, 2005, 09:45:33 PM
Dearest courtiers:

Here below I offer to you, my dear friends and  various titled peoples of our extended family , our Imperial Chef  Julianna's, Top Secret Recipe for:

Eggs Benedict  XVI

Ingredients:

1 stick butter, melted....3 egg yolks....1 Tablespoon lemon juice....6 eggs, poached....1 Tablespoon Grey Poupon mustard....Pinch
of cayenne pepper....3 toasted English or Russian muffins.....6 slices Canadian or German bacon

Saute  bacon in small amount of water. Mix the egg yolks, lemon juice, mustard, and pepper in a blender, then add the hot butter. Set mixture aside. Place one slice of bacon on each half of  muffin. Set one poached egg on top of bacon and cover with Benedict XVI sauce. Sprinkle the top with chopped parsley and serve immediately.

Serves: 3 Courtiers

Must be served on  china with silver service. Dine only on folding tables that have been set up by the under servants of the Palace.  If you don't have  these just use a card table.  Enjoy!  That's what being royal is all about. :D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 21, 2005, 09:49:00 PM
T.D., Bennie is going to be rah-ther p.o.'d at you for leaking his personal recipe. You might want to stay inside during thunderstorms for awhile.  :D  

The Non-Plagerizing GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 22, 2005, 11:26:06 AM
Dearest GD Janet:

No, no, no, no, no.  The recipe I posted is our personal palace recipe that was handed down to us from the Duke of Cornishe.  Tsar Peter stayed at his country estate in England oh so long ago.  He and his pals wrecked the place so he handed him a huge diamond upon leaving.  BTW, I'd like that diamond back as it is state property.  T.D. .....having some Eggs Benedictine XVI this morning........

PS:  Imperator is posting his own version of the famous poached eggs recipe later today.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 22, 2005, 02:15:37 PM
Ok. I am tired of being "Titleless lexi"
As you know my grandmother was the product of a little thryst between Nicholas and the daugher of Agathon Faberge so there is this little illegitimate label that causes a challenge when you consider titiles. (We will ignore any other little problems the claim has because everyone else does.) I mean if you can claim to be AN without even speaking Russian, well I think you see where I am going with this.
So, I have decided, after consulting with my holy man, that my title shall be now and forever "Princess Lexi."
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 22, 2005, 03:23:48 PM
Quote
Ok. I am tired of being "Titleless lexi"
As you know my grandmother was the product of a little thryst between Nicholas and the daugher of Agathon Faberge so there is this little illegitimate label that causes a challenge when you consider titiles. (We will ignore any other little problems the claim has because everyone else does.) I mean if you can claim to be AN without even speaking Russian, well I think you see where I am going with this.
So, I have decided, after consulting with my holy man, that my title shall be now and forever "Princess Lexi."



Dearest Princess Lexi!

Congratulations.  Let me explain something to you.  When you announce your title on the AP site you automatically become 'legitimate' in the eyes of Mother Russia and that whole domain of states [and Moldavia]

.  See, now  wasn't that easy....and you worried your pretty little head about nothing. ;D As the Tsar I know these things and approve.

When you are Russian nobility it is best that you do not speak Russian, except to instruct the servants.  Speak your native tongue...and the servant will not understand you.  That's what we all do and we can keep things, well, secret.

Thanks be to God that you consultated your Holy Man.  This will bring you good luck and  your estates will  have huge harvests of grapes.  Wine, you know.

PS:  Don't forget your taxes now, dear one, it costs a lot of kopeks to keep  the candles burning here at the Palace.  

Later  now.......T. D.    ;) :D ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 22, 2005, 03:48:41 PM
Tsar Douglas,
I am flattered that you have made my claim legitimate. No more trying to make oops I mean explain those pesky little details like the fact that Nicholas, my father, was only 14 at the time of my conception. Or worrying with matters like DNA.
Now I can just sit back and enjoy palace life. If I could beg a favor, I would like to have a coming about party. A ball. I have consulted my holy man and he agrees this is a good time. I was wondering if you would host it?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 22, 2005, 03:54:15 PM
Darling Princess Lexi--

If T.D. does host your coming about party, I should be most happy to serve as chaperone.

The Watchful and Highly Responsible GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 22, 2005, 04:45:32 PM
Quote
Darling Princess Lexi--

If T.D. does host your coming about party, I should be most happy to serve as chaperone.

The Watchful and Highly Responsible GD/GP Janet

My Darling Janet,
Thank you so much. Which palace do you think would be appropriate?
I am so excited.
- :)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 22, 2005, 07:11:40 PM
Dearest Princess Lexi:

Let me again explain to you a few things.  GD Janet is a dear and wonderful person but she is not all that up to date on the palaces in Russia,  It is best to consult her about the party,:  food, drinks, entertainment ...things like that .  Also which cossaks to invite, she knows a lot of them, belive me..

Also, let me tell you that we rescued Janet from the streets of Cuidad Tijuana, Baja, Mexico, where she was selling tacos from a cart.  She wandered the streets of this fabled town for years until I came along and immediately saw that she was Grand Duchess material.  The rest is history and tears.

She will be a great chaparone and hostess and she can make a wonderful Magharita. Ole!!!!!!


Check with your dear Holy Man the monk and ask him what palace is most suitable and has the best drinking water and also has a throne for moi. Russia has a great history of asking the Holy man what to do.  

This is how things  are done.

All the best  and maybe check with GD Anna for suggestions.  

T. Doug........

8) ;D :D ;) :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 22, 2005, 08:25:34 PM
Douglas,
thank you for the advice. I would like to have the ball at The Catherine Palace. I am quite sure there will be a throne there for you. I was wondering though, what type of throne you require. I am sure you require much more than a porcelan throne.,
Janet,
I will leave the food drink and merriment in you capable hands.
Anna,
Could you help with my dress?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 22, 2005, 09:48:19 PM
Dearest Princess Lexi:

The Catherine Palace, you say.  Isn't that lovely.  Everyone wants  the Catherine Palace, yada, yada, yada.  Well, first you have to book it with Grand Duchess Anna.  She's in charge of such affairs but she's  in Timbuktu.  What to do?  

There is another option though.  You could just purchase it outright and move in.  How's that for a simple solution?  You see, life is so easy if you just know the right people in high places. The palace is for sale on EBay.

Of course if you buy the palace you  have to operate it as a shelter  for kitty cats that are homeless.  It is written in to all deeds from now on.  But what a lovely and regal place of confinement. ;D

The other option is to rent tents from the Arabs and have a lawn party for your grand ball.  The throne can be moved outside into a special tent.

There's always a way to have royal fun.

T. Doug ............
:D ;D 8) :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 22, 2005, 10:01:30 PM

Dear Tsar Douglas,
Maybe I should just move the whole affair to Gatchina. I am so concerned that my Siberian huskies would cause problems for the cats. The last time I rented tents from the Arabs, the tents leaked. It was ghastly. My gowns were soaked. Also, they chrage extra for any mosquito netting provided with the tents and the cots are most uncomfortable.

Anyway, I do think my huskies would be comfortable at Gatchina and it has just recently been remodeled. I assume all those pesky workers are gone.

I will check this out with GD Anna.
hugs and kisses
Lexi

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on April 22, 2005, 10:48:21 PM
From the cage paper of HIH Cossack Baby:

I have been having all sorts of bad dreams about Cossacks other than myself eating gelato during Holy and Great Lent.  Too much indigestion from eating soy bird seed and bean bird treats.  I also dreamed of a lady blowing soap bubbles and wearing a neon crown, called Princess Lexi the Fourth, and cardinals singing tropars and kontaks in Pig Latin.  Can you imagine singing 'O holy father Dmitri in Pig Latin?'  It's hard enough in Slavonic, especially if you are a parakeet prince.

I cannot imagine eating Eggs Benedict.  Nothing short of cannibalism.  Wedding cake, though?  Of course.  Who is getting married after Pascha?

HIH Cossack Baby
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 22, 2005, 11:31:31 PM
You have such sweet dreams!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 23, 2005, 04:20:49 AM
Quote
Dearest Princess Lexi
I have never met a real Imperial Princess before, how do you do dahhling?? I just married my title!

So, I have been thinking AGAIN, and how about a costume ball??  ;DOh, how exciting, we could all  dress up! What do you think, my dear?
I want to be Glinda, the good witch, after all I am from the Land of Oz, how appropriate! Miss Pink can go as Toto..... Think about it, it's be purrrfect.

Well, no sight of Lady Redtoria again, she must be beary happy in Bavaria ;D ;)

Her Pinksih Highness
Princess Pink
 :-* :-* :-*

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 23, 2005, 04:25:57 AM
Never fear, dearest Princess Pink! I am here! But what a busy time it's been in sunny Bavaria; all these beerfests to organize and SO many strapping young chappies in their lederhosen - it's enough to make a cardinal turn crimson!!  ::)
How's Pete? As scintillating as ever, I hope; do persuade him to join you here at the beerfest - the more the merrier! I do wish GD Janet would come - she could do some of that 'slapping' dancing with the lederhosen boys & a jolly good time would had by all!
I'm a bit concerned about the Cossack Baby - strange dreams and all (you don't supposed someone's been adding sunflower or poppy seeds to the feed? I believe they can have very strange effects  ::)
Good to see the Catherine Palace is being occupied at last - the last I heard a band of hippy squatters were planning on moving in and the would really upset poor Tsar D. (he has his standards to consider.) Princess Lexi (with or without the 4) would make a far more suitable occupant.
Any news of the doings in the sand dunes? I suppose GD Anna is just hoping Shvibi doesn't arrive to upset the apple cart & gorge herself on Turkish delight!
Oh there are the matin bells - time for me to give a blessing or two.
Cheerio!
Lady Cardinale Redtoria
 
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 23, 2005, 09:20:53 AM
Dear Courtiers one and all:

P. Lexi:  Yes, I agree Gatchina would be a better choice but you must have it painted in the correct old-time colors. Scratch the wall a few layers deep and you will find the 'real Gatchina".   Remember:  Everything authentic in the "new Imperial Order".

GD Anna:  How's things going in Timbuktu?  Note that a few big events are being planned and we don't want  you to miss them on account of your affairs in the Timbo.  Do you approve of Gatchina as a place for soire's?  The last time I was there the local zoo let out all of the animals and we had a real zoo of a time getting them back in their respective domiciles.  The locals do have a strange sense of humor.

Tsar Doug and the gang back in Tsarskoe Selo.

PS:  Just got a call from GD Janet ....she has something very import to say....it's about one of the cossaks' .....oh, no.....I shall not reveal what she said......yikes!

Hello Princess Blue [Cardinale Redoria]:  Tax time you know....such a dear....  



 



;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 23, 2005, 10:14:11 AM
Quote

Hello Princess Blue [Cardinale Redoria]:  Tax time you know....such a dear....  

 ;D

Oh! Mio Tsaro caro! Surely we 'ladies of the cloth' are exempt from tax! If not I shall have to vacate the new Bavarian Cardinale Palazzio & escapeto some tax haven in the middle of the ocean! I haven't got a penny to my name!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 23, 2005, 01:35:11 PM
My Dear Dear Tsar Douglas:

Sir, 'tis true you I once operated a taco cart on the streets of Tia Juana. But just because I was in reduced circumstances does not mean I am less capable than your noble self. After all, look what I did: After joining an all girl band and almost marrying Junior, I have since traveled the world and enjoyed many adventures, including a recent foray into the Sistine Chapel which, I hasten to add, you would not have enjoyed had I, in my cleverness, not found a way to include you. So, Tsar Doug, if anyone is resourceful, it is moi!

The problem with certain claimants around here is that he--I mean they--think that just because they occupy a palace, they are so very very superior. Well, guess what . . . royalty is as royalty does!  And I haven't been slogging away in the trenches for the past year for nothing, I assure you. Furthermore, I currently have a reporter boyfriend who is very, very eager to expose certain claimants who are just a little too big for their royal britches. (Not that I'm threatening or anything, but . . . consider the consequences . . . .)

The Not-To-Be-Bandied-About

GD/GP Janet

P.S. My darling Lexi, you must call me Auntie GD/GP Janet. Thank you in advance, dearest!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 23, 2005, 02:57:35 PM
Quote

My darling pinklady,
Your idea of a costume ball is divine! Would you like to plan it? It will be mt first time to meet you all, since my claim has only recently been recognized. I am looking forward to it. Of course, my request for the the Gotchina palace has to be approved by T. Doug.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 23, 2005, 03:01:51 PM
Quote
Dear Courtiers one and all:

P. Lexi:  Yes, I agree Gatchina would be a better choice but you must have it painted in the correct old-time colors. Scratch the wall a few layers deep and you will find the 'real Gatchina".   Remember:  Everything authentic in the "new Imperial Order".

 ;D

T. Doug,
I have already sent my workers to Gatchina to begin work. Of course, the Empress's chambers will be done in mauve and gray. I plan to travel there myself in a few weeks. I want to oversee the work personally. I do hope you don't object to having one of the rooms painted and decorated in pink, in honor of pinklady.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 23, 2005, 03:04:51 PM
Quote
My Dear Dear Tsar Douglas:
 I currently have a reporter boyfriend who is very, very eager to expose certain claimants who are just a little too big for their royal britches. (Not that I'm threatening or anything, but . . . consider the consequences . . . .)

The Not-To-Be-Bandied-About

GD/GP Janet

P.S. My darling Lexi, you must call me Auntie GD/GP Janet. Thank you in advance, dearest!


Dear Auntie GD/GP Janet,
I should let you know that prior to being recognized by the Tsar, I earned my living as a journalist. I won't say how many years, but that should tell you something right there. I would be happy to serve you in this capacity and help anyway I can should the need arise.
Your loyal niece,
Lexi
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 23, 2005, 04:18:33 PM
My dear dear dearies,

Glad to be home again :D Timbuktu was not what I dreamed it would be. No prince Valentino on a white horse, so no affairs or arab nights :-/ While I waited for my prince, I told his father Sheik el Rachid story after story about our family :P Between story nr 1009 and story 1010 the Sheik said he forgot to tell me prince Valentino lived in Hollywood making a career as a filmstar.
I gave the Sheik a blow with my balalaika, grabbed my veils and took the first camel caravan back home.
Dearie me a lot happens in our family when one is gone between breakfast and dinner. But first it's time for souvenirs. Let me see:

Shvibi girlie, I brought you a little present; a camel, it's a she and called camelia, she's potty trained and likes doritos and ice-cream.
Princess Pink dearie, for you a big pink veil, wear it at the ball sweetie so we won't see you ;)
Lady Cardinale Redtoria dearie, for you an eunuch with the highest voice you ever heard, it would be a welcome addition to the church choir. It will be delivered tomorrow.
My dearie GD/GP Janet I know you're loyal to the cossacks, but what about Ali Baba and the forty thieves?
Just say the word dearie I only have to whistle.
For my little budgies, a little friend a nightingale... didn't he appear in a chinese story??.. ah well, a gift is a gift and I can't bring it back to the arab store.
Georgy dearie, for you a free ticket to go to a performance of Nelly the belly and her dancers. Don't miss it they are only two days in town.
Last but not least Dougie dear, I bought you shares in sandcastles, they do very well at the stock market these days, slip throught your fingers like sand.
Aah, I see we have a new family member, Princess Lexi :) What does 4 stand for dearie? Are there four creatures like you or are you fourth in succession. Well as a present I booked Gatchina for your welcome party.
Please bring your own servants, the last time we organized a party they took our servants together with our tablecloths.
Advice for dresses: Always... I said... Always... ask my secretary Zoya Hilariouskaya what I'm planning to wear, make sure you never class with my outfits. Same with jewelry, make yours less big and bright. Well this wasn't so difficult, was it dearie? If you stick to this dresscode I'm sure we will be great friends ;)
As for entertainment perhaps the GD/GP Nun Janet wil come over the mountains with her singing nuns or was it flying nuns? I will play my balalaika and dance my dying sssssssssswan, this time with veils.
Princess Lexi dearie, does this sounds like a party or what.... :D

Anna 8) H.a

Ps. Yes Shvibi you may stay up late at the party, but leave camelia home. Yes I know the poor animal looks like Princess Uglynovski, but the trick of letting camelia wear one of Pr.U gowns won't do.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 23, 2005, 06:25:31 PM
Goodness. Always so much Claimant Correspondence. I will have to hire a secretary.

Of course, dear Lexi, I would not burden you with that task. Since you are a former journalist, we will keep you for more important assignments! So thank you so much for the offer. Given Tsar Doug's friskiness, I think we will need to muster all the journalistic skills possible in order to keep that jolly claimant in line. (BTW, anyone ever tried that line of candy, Jolly Claimant?)  ;D

Now, Spy Anna, I'm not sure what I would do with Ali Baba and Forty Thieves (a girl has only so much energy) but I do have a few tales to tell about my Thousand and One Nights! (Or is that Knights? Ah well, 'tis no matter . . . they are fairly much one and the same . . . )

We haven't heard from Our darling niece Shivzik for a few days and I'm wondering if she is lying prostrate on the floor somewhere, having o.d.'d on Cookies and Cream. Perhaps we should check into this, Fellow Claimants?

And Claimant Budgies, I do apologize for giving you nightmares re: all my talk about Eggs Benedict. Of course, I hold the Holy Father in part responsible, but oh well.

As for the others, I admit to being quite perplexed regarding this profusion of reds and pinks and blues. Really, darlings, perhaps we are too colorful?!

And it still rankles re: T.D.'s cavalier attitude toward my fabulous life skills.  Plus I'm not sure I understand this "Gotchina Palace" business. Gotcha?! Oh my yes, Fellow Claimants, I think T.D. has definitely gotcha!

Y'see, I've really been humoring T.D. all this time . . . . it's my sense of noblesse o'blige, don't y'know. For T.D. (shh, come closer my darlings, for I don't want the darling to know) is really an amnesia-ridden commoner who only thinks he's Tsar.  :o Oh my dearies yes!

In truth, he is actually a claimant squatter--you know, one who moves into old palaces, then claims them as his own. And all that talk about his Tsarina--well, darlings, unless one of you can produce her, I'm afraid it's all been a figment of his dear overworked imagination.

I realize this has been quite shattering for all of you, but someone had to come forward with The Truth.

Okay, back to my reporter boyfriend; we're going to conjugate a few verbs.  ;)

The I-Cannot-Tell-A-Lie

GD/GP Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 23, 2005, 10:18:19 PM
Quote
My Dear Dear Tsar Douglas:

Sir, 'tis true you I once operated a taco cart on the streets of Tia Juana. But just because I was in reduced circumstances does not mean I am less capable than your noble self. After all, look what I did: After joining an all girl band and almost marrying Junior, I have since traveled the world and enjoyed many adventures, including a recent foray into the Sistine Chapel which, I hasten to add, you would not have enjoyed had I, in my cleverness, not found a way to include you. So, Tsar Doug, if anyone is resourceful, it is moi!

The problem with certain claimants around here is that he--I mean they--think that just because they occupy a palace, they are so very very superior. Well, guess what . . . royalty is as royalty does!  And I haven't been slogging away in the trenches for the past year for nothing, I assure you. Furthermore, I currently have a reporter boyfriend who is very, very eager to expose certain claimants who are just a little too big for their royal britches. (Not that I'm threatening or anything, but . . . consider the consequences . . . .)

The Not-To-Be-Bandied-About

GD/GP Janet

P.S. My darling Lexi, you must call me Auntie GD/GP Janet. Thank you in advance, dearest!



Dearest ones and Courtiers of the Realms:

Yes, it is true I report to you with tears of joy.  You can all see above the evidence that our dear, dear GD Janet has finally spilled the frijoles. ;D

Yes, I too am from humble origins in that wonderful city by the sea, Cuidad Tijuana, Mexico of world wide fame and fortune.   Tourist mecca of the world and home of the Ceasar Salad [1931].

My very strange Russian uncle resided in Baja California for many years.  Everyone called him Duke de Romanov.  No one really knew who he was for sure and we were very poor.  Uncle Romanov died,  I became an orphin and was taken in by the Brothers  of Charity that was founded by our dear sister and saint, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, India, many long years ago.

The wonderful band of brothers roam the streets of Tijuana helping the poor street venders and that is where I met the gracious and noble GD Janet. She had the best tacos in town and was generous in her many offerings  to the Brothers.  I knew we were bound together in greatness and that all good would come to us. Janet and I have received many blessings from the Holy Men of the world.  They call us the gurus of the serfs.

As my uncle had taught me, I too taught Janet the Russina tongue and then we hit the bigtime.  From then on it was palaces, world travel on huge yachts and now here we are revealed for whom we really are: mere  peasants from a third world country.  

The dear Brothers of Charity have treated me for many years with great kindness and affection...they always call me the little Tsar.  And that is how I came to be the Tsar of all The Russias and Moldavia for sure. 8)  Even Presidente Val Putin sent us a Christmas card last year.  

And it is in this sincere vain that we all continue on in our Tsarish adventures  across the stage of the world...evermore to find our fortune in our motherland in a place far, far away....where ever that might be.

Yours with most affection:  Tsar Doug and all the gang here at Tsarskow Selo....the place we call home. :-*

PS:  See you all at the gala in Gatchina!  Ole........Oy vey
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 24, 2005, 05:56:42 AM
Greetings friends!
Well Princess Lexi, I am thrilled you love my idea of a costume ball. Everybody should start planning what to wear now, after all, we need to be organised for your celebration ;D :D Gatchina will be lovely, and a pink room just for me? You are my new first best friend ;) :) :D

Lady Redtoria is just too modest, I am sure she is having a beery time in Bavaria, with all those Bavarian boys who do their very special buttocks slapping dance, mmmmm.

;D Tsar Doug, we dont care what you were before, darling, what matters is where and who you are now! ;D


Cheerio Cherubs
Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink :-* :-* :-*
Practising how to be Glinda the Good Witch, even though she made Dorothy suffer for the WHOLE movie, when she could have just told the poor thing how to get home in the FIRST place.......dear oh dear
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 24, 2005, 01:59:24 PM
Dear GD Anna,
I'm so glad to hear you've returned in one piece from your doings in the dunes, but you can imagine my surprise when I returned from Benny's investiture at St. Peter's this afternoon to discover a very large eunach strutting about the Bavarian Palazzo Cardinale, giving orders to everyone in such a falsetto voice that my ears popped!
He certainly is a strapping chappie - even more strapping than the Bavarian slapping dancers - but I simply cannot keep him here! All the beer glasses keep shattering when he sings! (What a waste of beer!!)
I don't suppose he'd be any use to Princess Pink (with her fondness for soldiers) or to GD Janet (with her fondness for journalists). Perhaps he'd make a good 'minder' for Shvibi? (He'd be quite 'safe' to be left alone with her, after all  ::) ). Could I possibly exchange him for a sheik...or even a camel??
Much obliged!
Yours, with blessings,
Lady Cardinale Redtoria  
 
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 24, 2005, 02:30:14 PM
Good day all,
I have been so busy overseeing the workers at Gatchina, I haven't had a moment to post. What can I say, since the serfs were freed it is awfully difficult to find good help.
Pinklady, of course there will be a pink room for you. Filled with lovely pink flowers.
Auntie Janet, I assume you are planning the food, drink and merriment and have already invited the Cossacks.
Blue, I do hope you can come. Maybe you  can bring the Grand Duke with you. The two of you seem to enjoy each other so.
T Doug, I do hope the huskies will be comfortable at Gatchina and that there is no cat problem there. Sled dogs are important at any palace. I mean why use the Imperial train if the dogs are available?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 24, 2005, 03:13:58 PM
Dearies,

Redtoria dearie, mind you what would you be doing with a sheik ::) Dance the dance of the mysterious Cardinale? Uh uh no no I have a spare camel you can use as camelmobile. Eugene the Eunuch is perfect as Shvibi's candyquard.
Princess Lexie dearie, already settled in Gatchina? I hope you appreciated my dress advice and do you approve the entertainment suggestions? We can also add a bugdie playbackshow. Let me know what you think of it.  I heard we will have a costume ball, but what's the theme? Costume balls must have a theme y'know like black and white or famous people, I won't have to think whom I going to be, just little famous me :D
Ooh, could you use a thief and forty of his mates, maybe as extra servants or huskie watchers?  I brought back too much souveniers from my journey, so they're yours.

Anna 8)

Ps. I always use the imperial train arriving at gala's, so much better for my hair then a drafty slegde.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on April 24, 2005, 04:15:02 PM
From the cage paper of HIM Alexis-Carolina, Empress of all the Budgies:

We, ALEXIS-CAROLINA, wish to thank Your Imperial Highness GD Anna on behalf of this entire Imperial Budgerigar Court -- yes, even HIH Cossack Baby!! -- for the exceptionally lovely gift of a Chinese nightingale.  This most accomplished singer pleases our entire flock very much, and we simply must have the bird -- henceforth to be known as ZVEZDA -- appear at the next Imperial Ball in honor of HIH the Princess Lexi the Fourth.

Again thanking Your Highness for your thoughtful present to us, We remain Your Highness' grateful:

ALEXIS-CAROLINA
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 24, 2005, 04:45:32 PM
Budgies my dearies,

You're welcome sweeties, Only the budgies appreciated my souvenirs, the rest of the family sent them back with some ....blablabla excuse.

Remember: elephants don't forget, although I made the trip with camels. You all know what I mean, at least I do.

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 24, 2005, 04:51:43 PM
Quote
Dearies,

 
Princess Lexie dearie, already settled in Gatchina? I hope you appreciated my dress advice and do you approve the entertainment suggestions? We can also add a bugdie playbackshow. Let me know what you think of it.  I heard we will have a costume ball, but what's the theme? Costume balls must have a theme y'know like black and white or famous people, I won't have to think whom I going to be, just little famous me :D
Ooh, could you use a thief and forty of his mates, maybe as extra servants or huskie watchers?  I brought back too much souveniers from my journey, so they're yours.

Anna 8)

Ps. I always use the imperial train arriving at gala's, so much better for my hair then a drafty slegde.

I love the idea of coming as ourselves. But does that mean Auntie Janet will have to dress as a taco vender????

I have wonderful news for you all about the guest list. Auntie Janet, I know you will be thrilled. The son of Jim the doorman has agreed to stand post at the door for the ball! In keeping with tradition, he plans to bring us all jars of guana jelly!

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 24, 2005, 06:51:49 PM
Darling Niece Lexi:

What fabulous news that the son of Jim will be present with . . . guana jelly? As in iguana?!  My dear, this will be a new test for yours truly, for although I admit to pushing a taco/tamale/frijoles cart in Tiajuana, I did not include iguana meat. At least, not to my knowledge. . .  :P

However, such a dish does give us a theme for the upcoming gala . . . "Night of the Iguanas." Think of it, we could all dress as our favorite coo-coo Hollywood movie star of the 1960s! And anyone who wears bling bling will of course have dibbs on the Liz Taylor impersonation.

As for myself, yes, I could appear as a pushcart vendor.  ???  Will have to think that one over. Ah me . . . decisions, decisions.

Now, as for Tsar Doug's revelations . . . well, I am so very very proud of him. However, I must emphasize that moi is truly Roosian and that my blood is definitely blue. Which is why I'm always so very welcome at medical conventions.

Now, time being of the essence, I must fly (no, not on a broom, Pinktoria  >:(), but will be back in touch soon--

The Right Royal

GD/GP Janet



Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 24, 2005, 10:22:46 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

GD Janet:  I had no idea that you are actually "Roosian"  .  What pray tell does that mean?  And may we have the supreme pleasure of knowing what your "Blue Blood"is all about?

When we first had that fateful encounter over one of your delicious Tacos, I never knew that you were "Roosian" with "Blue blood".

Princess in the Pink:  Thank you , dear, for your kind words about my past.  You know, we all have a past.  Some of us invent it and others hide it.  I have always been honest with my past history.  Someday I will tell the rest of  the story...it is a tale that will both thrill you and send you to the next room to cry crocodile tears. I cannot tell the whole  story today because of that awful American TV show called America's Most Wanted Royalty.

GD Anna:  Thank you so much for the shares of  Sandcastles.  I have sold them for a huge profit and reinvested the money in Castles in the Clouds.  I love the new shares as I live there all the time.  But I did keep one share of Sandcastles as a remembrance of our time in Timbuktu.  I do understand that you are to be seen at the gala in Gatchina wearing some new bling/bling that you bought from your  reserves of strawberry jam. Also, before I forget, the wooden shoes that you sent me are the most comfortable shoes I have ever worn.  Like walking on clouds.  All the staff is wearing them around the palace these days....but the clomp-clomp-clomp all day is a bit hard on the nerves.  So what did I do?  I put thick rubber soles on them and now all is as quiet as a church.  GD Anna is the greatest...she always knows what I like.

Anyone that cannot pay their taxes...please send along some chickens or a few candles.

T.D. ....  8) ;D :D ;) :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 25, 2005, 12:47:41 AM
Dearest Friends
I motion that our Princess Lexi's celebration ball be a fairy tale character Costume / Kostum Ball. Everybody should come dressed as their favourite character ie I shall be Glinda the Good Witch from the  Wizard of Oz, and perhaps our Grand Duchess Janet could come dressed as Alice in Wonderland, see, so much fun for everybody!  ;D
I mean, Lady redtoria might come as Little Red Riding Hood ( she loves red)
Well, when is the Grand Occasion of Occasions??
Setting off tomorrow to the beery delights of Bavaria, oooh can hardly wait....Lady redtoria here I come
8) 8)

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink

:-* :-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 25, 2005, 05:51:59 AM
My Lady Redtoria
I have had another brainwave. I have just realised another way for you to prepare for the next Popess election!
Dahhling, you have to develop an ISM. That's right, an ism. Let me explain, the last 2 Popes had associations in their lifetimes with isms, ie, Communism, Socialism, Marxism, Nazism, Popeism!!! ;D ;)
Therefore, dahhling get your own ism! Yes, its that simple.
I mean, your in Beery Bavaria, what about developing Beerism, Drunkenism, some other ism, perhaps? ;D ;D
Food for thought


Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink :-* :-* :-*

PS I have an ism, Pinkism!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on April 25, 2005, 03:49:56 PM
Sooooo much enjoyed Nelly the Belly, and am still recovering from it.

I am very sorry not to have posted the Pope's eggs benedict recipe, but it has taken me a while to get over the shock to discover that the Pope has usurped our own Tsar Doug's recipe - with one difference - he uses German muffins instead, but I think that is an attempt to divert attention away fromt he fact it is really Tsar Doug's recipe.

Well, here at the Winter Palace, it is Holy Week, and one is quite busy. Last night one had Holy Unction (a short 5 hour service), and am feeling more than a little woozy through lack of sleep.

I am afraid I am completely out of gelato. Can't do anything about it this week, so Princess Shvibs and Princess Lexi if you are planning on dropping by you will have to make do without until I can get a new shipment in.

Cheerio

Georgiy I.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 25, 2005, 09:33:47 PM
Dear Pinktoria--

Alice in Wonderland? Odds bodkins, a six foot tall Alice in Wonderland? Well, I suppose . . . if my costume includes that little bottle that says "Drink Me" . . .

Dear T.D.--

Well, dahling, there's quite a lot about me you don't know! But come come, no need to disemble, didn't you notice when you met me by the taco/tamale cart that I had a special indefineable something?  An air of mystery, that certain je ne sais quois? That, my dear, was my Roosian heritage! And, dare I say it, my azure  blood showing through as well.  You would have noticed had you witnessed me shaving my legs, as I am none too apt with a razor.

The True Blue Roosian GD/GD Janet

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 25, 2005, 10:38:58 PM
Hello all
So many suggestions for themes, I can decide! Please remember that your darling princess Lexi is blonde and these things get so confusing. On second thought forget that.
I like the Iguana theme, but I like the fairy tale theme as well.
Auntie Janet, are you bringing the Cossacks?
And T Doug, I have a great surprise for you. Jim Jr. has agreed, at my insistance of course, to stay on at the palace with you as your faithful doorman. This is my gift to you dahling.
My dear redtoria, have you considered asking Camilla Parker-Bowles if you could borrow her red dress? I know it has been well worn, but I am sure we could find a use for it. So does anyone have a date in mind? I am open. Work at Gatchina is coming along fine. However, once this ball is over I do think I will take my leave at head to Lavidia. Maybe we could all summer there.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 26, 2005, 12:16:11 AM
Dearest Claimants and Titled members of the Realms:

GD Janet:  All that I can now remember upon our first historic meeting on that  hurly burly street in Cuidad Tijuana was the pungent smell of deep fried pork, mixed with chilantro and onions.  It can still make my mouth water like a Pavlovian dog.  Of course, I did notice your charm and your slavic profile. And your towering stature...I thought you were the model for that Liberty Lady in New York.  Back in those days I was under the influence of my uncle "Romanov".

 Everything about you spelled "Down Mexico Way" in a refined manner.  I was mystified by your stange accent.  It had sort of a Polish twang about it , with a slight bit of Russiana mixed in for good measure.  I'll leave it to your graciousness to fill in the details of your mysterious origins.  BTW, can you still make me some tacos, just like the old days? Oh, how I  love the crunchy ones.

Princess Lexi:  Than you so very much of your gift of that dear man servant, Jim.   I must inform you that upon arrival he sort of hinted that he expected a decent salary of about five hundred kopeks a day for his services and a chauffeur.  Naturally being the kind soul that I am known to be I immediately agreed and also offered him the use of the Tsaritisa's former suite.  You may remember that the Empress is "away" at the convent for the foreseeable future or at least until she tells me where she hid the salt shakers. ;D

All for now.....Tsar Doug .....receiving daily reports from  GD Anna  8) ::)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 26, 2005, 12:46:43 AM
My Dearest Friends

Dear Princess Lexi, you are also a blonde, how exciting! That makes two of us, and just remember, honey, Blondes have more fun, so that means us!!!
I have sent you 7 pink tee shirts, that say -" I'm Blonde, what's YOUR excuse?" - wear them with pride! ;D

Now, Grand Duchess Janet, dahhling, I see nothing wrong with a six foot Alice in Wonderland, you know, I love Alice in Wonderland but cannot come at all that blue, which is why I thought someone else might like to be her for a night or two......Sometimes I feel very much like her
8)

Now Lady Redtoria, I have thought of another ism, silly silly me, Catholicism, you cannot go wrong there.

Well, how about June for our ball, that is a wonderful month at Gatchina, is it not?


Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink :-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 26, 2005, 04:56:32 AM
Dear Princess Pinkish Person, what a brilliant piece of advice. If I can tear myself away from these Bavarian lederhosen-clad dancers, I shall construct an entire manifesto of my new 'ism.'
I toyedwith Catholicism but thought perhaps that would be what all the candidates would choose; I then went through schism, alcoholism & prisms, but I've finally opted for 'coolism' 8). The next Popette must be the coolest ever - it's what the congregations want.
Now, knowing how cool you are in your pretty pink palazzo, I'd be greatful for any cool  8) advice. I considered changing mitres for baseball caps but they're rather passe now, I fear...what is the latest head gear for cool dude popettes in Monaco?

Yours with a blessing,
Lady Cool Cardinale of Bavaria (climbing up the greasy pole towards the Vatican) Redtoria  8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 26, 2005, 05:21:10 AM
Dearest Lady Bluetoria
What are they, my precious, that I spy with my little blue eye??? More pairs of my sunglasses??? mmmm

Now, in developing your portfolio of "isms" I dont really think you can afford to leave out Catholicism, dahhling it will be your main call to fame, so to speak. What you need to do, is build up the "isms" from there. Alcholism, prisms, sexism, theftism ( ie sunglasses), communism, you know any of the above is good for the Popess Position.
Now then "coolism" not bad, but how cool can you be wearing silly long robes and too tall hats? Even if they are now red? Speaking of red, will you be attending the ball as Little Red Riding Hood?( you see, I am always thinking of you, you get to keep wearing red, and silly robes and hats!!!) It is a German fairytale, so should keep your new Bavarian friends happy.
;D
Now, perhaps you need a designer for your robes, its what another famous religious person in the family did long long ago did, and she always looked fantastic!
Really dahhling, I can only offer advice on pink things, so you see I have tunnel vision ;D ;) and you hate pink, sadly. :-/

Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink  ( all shades)
:-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 26, 2005, 05:33:07 AM
Dear Pinkness, you don't happen to have Nesterov's email address do you - I could have new robes made overnight! Brilliant idea - thank you so much!
Of course I shall be delighted to attend the fancy dress do - my only problem is whom to bring with me as the wolf. After all, when I'm wandering through the woods I shall be quite defenceless. Should some great wolf come along with huge manly paws  ::) & such stong limbs  ::) I'll be entirely at his mercy (& of course I'll be far too proud to shout for help) so I really will have to make sure I pick the right person for the job.
Phew, I'm quite exhausted now, even at the the thought of it. I had better go and lie down in a darkened room  8) 8) (oops...where did they come from!

Flagging blessings,
L. B. C. R.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 26, 2005, 06:17:47 AM
My Dear Lady Redtoria
You must be a brunette, as I am your smart blonde friend who just happens to have all the clever strategies for you to follow to further your chosen career!
Now, about the wolf, has it occured to you that you should ask your Bavarian friend, the Pope? After all, he may have an EGG of a time! He could dress in his robes and silly hat and we would all think he was your Grandmother, but, wait, my oh my, underneath those long long robes he would really be the wicked wolf!
;) There you go, Little Red Riding Hood all sewn up! ;D

Nestererov's email address is in your email, have fun, maybe some grey with the red perhaps?

Yours Cheerfully ;D
Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink :-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 26, 2005, 04:14:46 PM
Dougie dearie,

Quote
All for now.....Tsar Doug .....receiving daily reports from  GD Anna  8) ::)


Really? But not today ;D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 26, 2005, 05:59:46 PM

Dearest Duchess Anna of  South Fork:


Quote
Dougie dearie,


Really? But not today ;D

Anna 8)




This is an outrage of the most heinous kind.  Some  scoundrel is using your name and sending me Top Secret Reports on how I should maneuver my toy soldiers on the floor of the Red Salon.

I'll  get to the very bottom of this if it takes until tomorrow.

Tsar D. ....battle plans in jeopardy
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 26, 2005, 10:21:59 PM
Dear Tsar Doug--

I too am shocked--shocked, I tell you. To think that someone has been impersonating our very own Spy / Grand Duchess Anna . . . well, it is too too awful for words.  >:(

Zounds, we must capture the bounder. And to think these erroneous missives have placed your very own toy soldiers in grievious danger. I hope G.D. Anna hunts this person down with cloak and dagger.

****

Now, as to the party planning . . .

Noticing the prediliction of another thread, how's about we all come as our favorite character in Gone with the Wind? I, of course, will appear as Scarlett O'Hara. If I recall correctly, she was at least six feet tall.  ;)

This party will be all the more exciting because, as you know, I'll be retreating to a convent soon afterwards.

As for my mysterious past, Tsar Doug, that will be revealed to you all in good time. But now 'tis time to leave my current abode and perform a few errands.  Have just put on my "Here Comes Trouble" tee-shirt that one of the 'torias sent me (was it Pinktoria? Redtoria? Bluetoria? Pucetoria?) and must run. Which, considering my huge feet and capacity to outrace a cheetah, is really something to see.

BTW, I understand that a certain mama is hoping to win custody of her two royal sons, Prince Michael I and Prince Michael II. I wonder, as Claimants, should we lend her our support and be present in court tomorrow?

The slightly litigious

GD/GP Janet
a.k.a. Bigfoot
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 27, 2005, 06:14:50 AM
Dearest friends,

My Dear Grandest Duchess Janet,
After consultation with my Friend ( my personal Holy Man) I must decline the Costume / Kostum Ball if it is to be a "Gone With The Wind Theme". He says I could not partake in such a gathering as Gone With The Wind has unpleasant undercurrants, and I must agree, I would NEVER want to be gone with the wind!!! :o

And what would Lady redtoria tell her new date??? Would he want to be gone with the wind? He only just got there, so I think he would prefer to be the Big Bad Wolf at the fairy tale theme, as he is a Bavarian after all. The entire thought may give him an eggflip!

Well, if you didnt want to be Alice in Wonderland you could have just said so.... What about you come as Cinderella with glass slippers? That way you get to leave at midnight missing a shoe but a Prince will surely follow?


Think about it
Her Pinkish Highness
Princess Pink

:-* :-* :-*

And as an afterthought, Grand Duchess, have you no respect for our hair dos, I mean I have such long straight hair that I have no desire for its style on the night to be "gone with the wind"!!!!! >:(
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 27, 2005, 08:14:39 PM
Dear Pink Lady:

Why fiddle-de-dee, how you do run on!

Howevah, Ah do undahstand yore concerns about the ha-rah. But as fo' the unpleasant undahcurrents--why Sugah, don you know these pahties are allllll about unpleasant undahcurrents? They begin with the premise that evrathin's gonna be jes' so much fuuuun. But afta awhile the love triangles form, the trysts begin, and the undahcurrents are in full force. Dumplin', it's sooo much fun--lak blockade-runnin'!

As for moi being Cinderella--well, how do you think a six foot tall GD/GP would look traipsing around in glass slippers? Besides, I don't think my in-proportion tootsies could fit into one of those glass slippers.  (Or even two of them.) I'd probably shatter the first slipper I tried on. Which would mean glass cuts, an ambulance, a doctor sewing up the gashes, and . . .

Wait a mo'. A young, handsome doctor sewing up the cuts on my feet. And, of course, my toenails perfectly manicured, and I'm wearing my favorite diamond toe ring.

::)

Okay, Pink, I'm your Cindy!

The Bibbity Bobbity Boo

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: bluetoria on April 28, 2005, 03:36:11 AM
Dear Pinkcess Prin,

Benny simply will not do as the big bad wolf. Not only is he far too old, but he has so many responsibilities now & it wouldn't do his reputation any good at all to be loitering with a defenceless lady cardinal among the shady pines. Could you (being so blonde & sensible) possibly suggest another wolf for me?

GD Janet's vast experience of lupine lurkers would certainly come in useful & it's the least she can do in return for the 3-pack of 'Here Comes Trouble' T-shirts I sent. I wouldn't even object to one of her cast-off chappies if she thinks he'd make a good (or rather, wicked )wolf...the only trouble is, I imagine with all that wild dancing she does, they're probably too exhausted to go a-prowling by moonlight.

I'd ask GD Anna but she has a habit of sending eunachs who are....well, basically, no use whatsoever to a defenceless lady cardinal lost in the woods at the dead of night & far to frightened to shout for help.... ::)

Tsar Doug's palace is probably full of suitable candidates but they're all gorged on eggs & I fear may developing weight problems.   :-/

So it's down to you, Pinky! I trust you could spare someone....only, please, don't have him dress in pink - how could anyone be thrilled oops, frightened, by a pink wolf?

Please see what you can do. In the meantime, the Vatican tailor is not only designing new cardinal clothes but he's sewing a perfect little red hood onto my vestments!

Toodle pip! The matin bells are ringing!
Lady Cardinale of Bavaria Redtoria  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on April 28, 2005, 04:17:12 AM
Dearest Lady redtoria

My oh my oh my, some people are just never happy! I mean it would have done you good to be noticed by the Vatican Set on a date with the Bavarian, but oh well, ok you can have Pete as the big bad wolf.
There
;D ;)
Now, Grandest Duchess Janet, what's this I hear, Lady Redtoria is now providing you with the Tee shirts with my special motto for you??? mmmmm very well then, dear, but so glad you want to be Cindy! I told you, good things come to those who wait!
And where is our precious Shvibzik, and our new Imperial Princess Lexi? I hope the wind has not blown them away to Siberia!

Now, if Grand Duchess Anna and Tsar Dougie, and all the missing in action Royals can decide which fairy character they'll be ...........
Things can be finalised for the big night!


Cherio cherubs

Princess Pink
Her Pinkish Highness :-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 28, 2005, 01:41:18 PM
Dearies,

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is impersonating Anna queen of the ball?

Borders closed and windows locked,
hide yourself or you get knocked!
Come forward and reveal,
otherwise you meet a piece of steel.
Hereby I recall,
we cannot allow doubles at the ball.

Who is this Baba Yaga?

Anna 8) 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on April 28, 2005, 04:37:56 PM
Dear All,

  Well, when I thought this would be another ordinary vacation from my vacation, I wake up one morning and the maid at the Winter Palace refuses to fetch me my breakfast (Dorito's and gelato, of course ::))! :o  She shoved a duster into my hands, and drug me to the main hall where the paintings are.  She demanded me to started dusting them, but I shoved that duster right back at  her and asked her who she thought she was for demanding I become a common maid.  Then she said something terribly shocking: "Because your auntie and Mr. GI have assigned you to it,". :o  I nearly fainted, which wasn't really much of a shock to anyone.  Pushing the duster back to me, she stomped off and left me to the paintings.  
  Later, some maid girl, wearing my blings >:(, strode into the hall where I was dusting and pointed out that I missed a spot.  Judging from her looks, she must've been the plump lady that gave me the duster.  When I moved to another room, I noticed there were some crumbs on her face. :o >:(  
  While cleaning my duster a few days later, a younger girl, as ugly as the other, so they must be sisters, came out to the garden.  She was holding a gallon of gelato, and informed me that the previously dusted paintings needed dusting again.  Then she asked for me to fetch her some more gelato, handing me the licked-clean gallon.  
 When it came time for me to leave, I hadn't even gotten to the other half of the palace.  When I went to my room to pack, I found half of my outfits and gowns missings, as well as some of my bling blings. :o >:( :'(  Terribly upset that (a)Georgiy had no blings hidden whatsoever and (b) Therefore I could not replace my stolen blings; I tearfully packed my few belongings and went to get whatever ride Georgiy had readied for me.
 It turns out he became so wrapped up in his aviator classes, that he forgot all about me going back to Tsarskoe Selo and didn't book even a taxi!  So I sat outside for some time, waiting, until finally giving up, went to fetch Camilla my camel.  
  The poor dear had been deprived from her snacks due to my enslavery, and was stumbling around, crying out for Cookies-n-Cream. :(  I managed to climb one of the trees, slide on her read bridle and throw on her read blanket on her back, and jump on.  She was startled at first, but as soon as I slid inbetween the two humps on her back, I managed to get ahold of her.
  So, there I went, traveling from the Winter Palace back to Tsarskoe Selo on my camel, my neck bare without the blings, and dust-filled clothes. 8)  The ride was terribly uncomfortable, and I got sick many times on the way.  Whoever named camels the ships of the desert wasn't joking.
   I recieved many looks, and a man with a scraggly beard, a tunic, and a heavy Middle Eastern accent mistook me for some Middle-eastern girl and tried to get me to smuggle a machine gun and go with him somewhere. ???  I asked him why, and he said he had his reasons, and that it must be kept a secret.  Obviously he didn't know that I am terrible at keeping secrets. :-X  Later on the way, I saw a newspaper stand and it had a man that I looked excactly like him.  I couldn't make out the name, because the newspaper man shooed Camilla away after she took quite an enormous dump on the sidewalk. 8) ::)  
  So, Camilla and I drove on, camping on the sides on highways, peoples yards, and the island things in the middle of the highways.  We caused many traffic jams, and some close-accidents.  Why someone couldn't see a camel dressed in red and feathers sticking up on her head beats me. :-/ :P
  Finally we made it home, but hardly anyone recognized me.  While I was walking up the stairs, Princess Lexi saw me and yelled for someone to come quick, it's that girl off of the news that was riding the camel on the highway.  I ran upstairs, so no one saw me, and took a shower.  When I came down for dinner, everyone was surprised and wondered when I came in.  I told them I was practicing my spying techniques. ;D 8)
  So, as you can see, I would be a much better qualifier for Cinderella for this ball that has popped up during my absence.  If you don't mind, Auntie Janet, that I take your handsome surgeon.  But perhaps I won't need one...? ;)
  Well, Princess Lexi, I had no idea you came from Siberia.  Then I suppose you've heard of my parents and I?  Tell me, they haven't been secretly filming me and keeping the public informed on my whereabouts, have they?
 Dearie, look at the time!  I must be getting back to my letter to Duchess Camilla up in England.  I am writing her to tell her how my camel has been named after her, because of the striking resemblance.  I also mentioned to her my camels odd favor of corn... :D

Until next time,
Shvibi :)

P.S.  Auntie Anna, I am shocked by you being impersonated!  I wonder who is behind it...
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 28, 2005, 08:05:28 PM
Hi all,
I have been so busy with the remodling at Gatchina, I havev barely had time to breath.
Pinklady, thank you for the t-shirts, I am wearing them with pride. Because of your kindness, I have had the workers paint one wing of the palace in pink.
I'm confused about the theme. Are were fairy tale characters? Or GWTW? So many decisions.
Shvibi, I am so relieved to know you have finally discovered what your parents are up too. You have no idea how I wanted to tell you. I snuck into their room last night and took all the films which I have mailed to you. Maybe we can watch them at the ball. So sorry to hear of the problems you are having with your servants. Good help is hard to find these days.
Auntie Janet, I have taken the liberty to send you a gift. I have sent you five eunichs to cater to your every whim. I figure you need a break from all the Cossacks. I included several cartons of vodka as well.
Doug,
I have had a fabulous throne installed for you at Gatchina. It was importanted all the way from America. I found it at a quaint little chain over there called Wal-Mart. I spare no expense for your comfort. It is made of finest porcelain money can buy. I hope you will be pleased. It has a bowl on the back. I plan to fill it with vodka just for you.

Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 28, 2005, 09:57:12 PM
Okay, I know who sent me the eunuchs . . . but just who the heck sent me the sturgeon wearing the stethoscope? Ha ha, very funny, you anonymous claimant madcap, you!  >:(

Actually, I think we'd better reserve our energies to find out just who is impersonating GD Anna. And is the real Anna the rhyming Anna . . . or is it the faux Anna who rhymes?

BTW, that reminds me of a little ditty I used to boogaloo to . . . . Anna Anna bo-banana . . . .  

The Still All-Singing, All-Dancing

GD/GP Janet  

plus

A Sturgeon called Wanda
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 28, 2005, 10:03:57 PM
P.S. Darling Lexi, thank you for the vodka. The eunuchs and I are tieing one on--all of us for obvious reasons--and Wanda is swimming in it.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on April 28, 2005, 10:04:01 PM
Auntie Janet,

Please explain the anna thing to me. I don't have a clue. ???
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 28, 2005, 10:27:43 PM
Well, darling Lexi, when you visit me at the convent this summer I'll set up my victrola and we'll boogie to the "Name Game" song. Maybe some of the sisters will join us?

Your Auntie GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on April 28, 2005, 11:47:46 PM
Lexie4 dearie,

Anna thing??

You mean that gorgeous Lady-spy
so fond of Bling?

Anna 8) 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on April 29, 2005, 12:35:05 PM

Dearest Courtiers of the Imperial Choir:

Talk about culture!  GD Janet finally hit the nail on the head with the song below.  We here at the palace in Tsarskoe are singing this wonderful song night and day.

 I'll just bet that Cole Porter is twisting in his grave wishing that he had wriiten this wonderful American classic.

Everyone can now sing along and have a great time after    we have our tea and sweet cakes.

BTW, Janet it is "bonana" but I know it sounds like banana.  

The Name Game
Shirley Ellis

The name game!

Shirley!
Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley
Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!

Lincoln!
Lincoln, Lincoln bo Bincoln Bonana fanna fo Fincoln
Fee fy mo Mincoln, Lincoln!

Come on everybody!
I say now let's play a game
I betcha I can make a rhyme out of anybody's name
The first letter of the name, I treat it like it wasn't there
But a B or an F or an M will appear
And then I say bo add a B then I say the name and Bonana fanna and a
fo
And then I say the name again with an F very plain
and a fee fy and a mo
And then I say the name again with an M this time
and there isn't any name that I can't rhyme

Arnold!
Arnold, Arnold bo Barnold Bonana fanna fo Farnold
Fee fy mo Marnold Arnold!

But if the first two letters are ever the same,
I drop them both and say the name like
Bob, Bob drop the B's Bo ob
For Fred, Fred drop the F's Fo red
For Mary, Mary drop the M's Mo ary
That's the only rule that is contrary.

Okay? Now say Bo: Bo
Now Tony with a B: Bony
Then Bonana fanna fo: bonana fanna fo
Then you say the name again with an F very plain: Fony
Then a fee fy and a mo: fee fy mo
Then you say the name again with an M this time: Mony
And there isn't any name that you can't rhyme

Every body do Tony!
Pretty good, let's do Billy!
Very good, let's do Marsha!
A little trick with Nick!
The name game ;D

Here we go:

Tzar,
Tzar, bo Bar Bonana Fanna Fo Bar

Let's rock............. ;D :D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on April 29, 2005, 03:54:57 PM
Tsar Doug, you rock!  8)  8)  8)  8)  8)

Yours very truly--

The GD/GP Janet Janet bo Banet Bonana fanna fo Fanet Fee fy* mo Janet . . . Janet

* Shouldn't that be "fie"?  
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on May 02, 2005, 04:26:04 PM
Christ is Risen!
Well, my friends, I am finally getting feeling back in my legs after standing through the long Paschal services. One went to Znameia and it was just lovely. Now Lent is over, I've thrown away the gelato (don't worry Shvibs, I've sent you some), and am on to the full double-cream, double-fat ice cream! my stomach doth protest, but I have enjoyed the breaking of the Fast.
Now a special, top-secret piece of info for all. It is about the Royal er, I mean Imperial Wedding. That Charlie and Camilla have nothing on G.I. - yes, this Sunday is the Imperial nuptuals of oneself and the beautiful Princess Olga. Of course all are invited! And we will save an extra tub of cookies-and-cream for Her Highness the Princess Shvibsi! Cardinal Redtoria - can you come incognito? The Church mightn't approve of a Cardinal in her Vestments....Please don't bring the fat Prelate - there will not be enough Bavarian beer available!
Cheerio all
Georgiy Imperator
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 02, 2005, 10:01:13 PM
Greetings Courtiers of the Imperial Order of St. Peter and Paul:

Hail to Imperitor Gregor.  Yes, my feet do also get so tired at those long services.  If they are too long I nip out for a quick shot of vodka.  Then it's back to singing and oh what a great time is had by all.  Sometimes I invite all of the  ministers and prelates back to the palace for some noshes and good cheer all round.  When you're Tsar you can do these things. Of course, you and all the Grand Duchess are always invited.

Cheerio GD Janet and GD Anna:  Going to the fairy tale ball?  I haven't made up my mind yet as to costune.  Any suggestions?

All for now, bonana fee fy fo, Tsar Doug and all the courtiers here and there. :D ;D 8) :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 02, 2005, 10:14:15 PM
Imperator Georgiy:

I would surely love to attend your wedding this weekend, except that I have not a thing to wear, excluding my Cinderalla costume for the upcoming costume ball. Would the Cindy outfit be acceptable?

The Sartorially Limited GD/GP Janet

P.S. I promise not to drink any vodka until after the ceremony.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on May 02, 2005, 11:15:32 PM
Of course you can wear the Cinderella outfit my dear, as long as you match it with a head-scarf or veil - at our Church they are a wee bit tetchy about bare-headed women....oh, and the vodka? d'accord!
G.I.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on May 02, 2005, 11:57:31 PM
Greetings all.
Georgiy, I am a new claimant, but would love to come to the wedding.
I need a break from all of this palace redecorating.
Anna, yes, I was referring to the spy. Please enlighten me.
T Doug, I am having my courtiers deliever to you a harem from my travels to Arabia. Auntie Janet, for you I have a Arabian prince. He is fine Auntie Janet. I am sure you will enjoy.
Anna, are you a spy? That sounds exciting. I am looking forward to hearing some of you spy stories at the ball. Until then, please accept my gift to you of 12 cases of the finest vodka.
ta ta for now!
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 03, 2005, 12:35:27 PM
Lexi my dearie,

Yes, there are court jesters and court spies. Tsarkoe has its own court spy- moi-.
Never wondered why you, P.Pink and Georgy and Blue/Redtoria (have to keep my sunglasses on her) were accepted as family members dearie? I checked your credentials, Tsar D has all your dossiers. We know what you did last summer ;D
As a spy I always wear sunglasses, never look someone stright in the eye. You must have read about my adventures and affairs with GD's and Princes. That's how I get my bling bling and access to Top Secrets.   Don't forget my beloved Sidney Reilly.....sigh, sob :'(
Grand Duchess I am by birth and Lady-in waiting is a sideline, altho there's not much to wait lately.
You see, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Hmmm, you made some trips to Arabia too? Explains why all water pipes were sold out at my last trip. Please take my advice: a harem for Dougie dear, is harum-scarum. He didn't know how to keep one Empress, so don't talk about a whole chicken house.

Well, have to run, my last fit for the big ball.
Btw I'll send you my latest CD- Anna's greatest spy songs. All family members get free samples :D

Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on May 03, 2005, 01:52:43 PM
Anna,
I am so excited about the cd. I would love to be a spy and I can't wait to hear all of your escapades.
Gee, don't know what T Doug will do with the harem. I too always wear sun glasses. They are atop my head as I write. Woudn't be caught dead without them. Looking forward to seeing you at the ball.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Shvibzik on May 03, 2005, 03:00:55 PM
Dear All of You,

And just when you think things may go back to normal, the world goes topsy-turvy.
  See, I have little to report (don't want to give my tutors any ideas...) say, but you know how I can make something little turn into a "short" story.  Woe to me. ::)  Oxford doesn't know who they're taking in--the next greatest novelist!  
  Well, lets start from the beginning.
  Considering that those evil maid-sisters stole all of my valubles (oh, that reminds me, Auntie Anna, I challenge you to a game of Bling.  And Princess Lexi, when shall we hold ours?), and another royal--exuse me, Imperial-- wedding is about to take place, I needed something to wear.  Perferably bling, a gown for the wedding, a gown for the wedding ball (there will be one, won't there?), and a gown for the fairy tale ball, which should follow the wedding shortly, am I right?  In my sleep the malls cried out my name, and so finally I couldn't stand it any longer.
 Calling one of my ladies-in-waiting vacationing somewhere around here, I asked her to meet me at the palace, and we were going shopping at the biggest and most expensive mall in Tsarskoe Selo (BTW, I had to use some of the royal treasury, not all, like my dear Papa).  She let out a squeal, which rang in my ears for the next hour (the volume was set quite high...does someone need a hearing aid?).  So I waited...and I waited...and I waited some more, until finally she showed up.  She had come by husky--a true Siberian she is!  Although there is no snow...
 The poor dogs were exhusted.  Their tounges nearly scraped the ground from panting so hard.  Lady Brittnay (origionally from America, came to Siberia for vacation and never returned) noticed it too, and suggested we take the bus.  Without a second thought, I agreed.
  Lady Brittnay is an odd sort at times.  She pried my thumb up, and made me shake it up and down.  I rolled my eyes, she was going to try to hitchhike on a bus. ::)
  The first bus that came our way stopped, letting us on.  "See?  It works every time," she whispered to me as we climbed the steps.  I smiled wearily and told her whatever.  Believe what you want to.
  We sat there for a half-an-hour, Lady Brittnay chattering a million miles a minute.  I didn't catch half of what she said, and just absentmindedly nodded and said "Yes, of course," "Absolutely".  She obviously didn't notice when I dozed off.
  Finally the driver called our stop.  Lady Brittnay leaped up, and managed to be the first one off.  She must've thought I was right on her tail, because although she was already outside, I could hear her say, "So then I said the clerk..." and she continued on her story as if I were there.  After much pushing, I made it to the steps, with my purse clutched in one hand, and my coat in another, I started to go down, watching my feet.  The next thing I knew I was face first on the concrete, and my things scattered about.  
  I sat there for about a minute, mentally kicking myself and yelling at myself for being so clumsy.  I finally regained my senses, and noticed the people on the bus steps waiting for me to move.  I gathered my belongings and started to get up, my knee pounding with pain.  I looked up and saw Lady Brittnay trying to stiffle her laughter with her hand, but her face was red, and her humor in it all was visible.  She removed her hand, and tried to keep a straight face when I approached and walked to the mall doors.  I looked back at the terrible vehicle, and I could've swore I saw a glimmer of a camera's lens in the bushes. :o >:(  
  Now, don't get me wrong, falling off of the bus was not as simple as you think.  As I said, I was watching my feet, and was a witness to their mistakes.
 

  So, there's your guide on how to not unboard a bus.  Now lets see, I have to figure out how to fall loading the bus. ;D :P
  Well, I did get some nice things, but, mind you, those challenges aren't off!
  I'm going to try on the various fairy tale outfits I bought.  I already tried them on, but found it impossible to decide.  I'll need some opinions. 8)  

The wounded,
Shvibi, Duchess of S&S :)

P.S. Auntie Anna, that impersonator I think is still around.  She--I mean they--isn't afraid of some poems, I'll assure you. ;)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 03, 2005, 06:02:29 PM
Shvibi dearie,

Yes, my dear you are so right
this impersonator will not hide.
She will come and she will go
who she is you still don't know.
All I say, her head is crowned
don't you worry she"ll be around.
Yet she comes to this conclusion
she likes causing much confusion.
Tweedle dee who can she be
pay attention and you will see.

Anna 8) 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 03, 2005, 10:29:37 PM
Re: that last entry . . . Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Dearest Imperator Georgiy: Speaking of tetchy, what with me spending this coming summer at a convent and all, I'm just a little bit tetchy about wearing a veil, know what I mean?  :o  But how's this: I have this faaaaaabulous hat from one hundred years ago, bedecked with all sorts of flowers and birdies (fake, not stuffed, so as not to enrage the Budgies) and other gee-gaws. Why I do believe it stands about three feet high and is two feet in diameter . . . and tied under the neck, of course, with one of those gauzy veils. My head would surely be covered by such haberdashery, and so I'd more than meet your church's modesty requirements.  What say you?

Shvibi, one of these days your Auntie Janet will have to give you lessons on how to board and disembark a bus. Truth be told, I ride about on them all day long, so I have plenty of practice. Of course, it might be a bit awkward boarding a bus to the wedding, since I will be wearing my Cinderella outfit and my great big turn-o'-the-century antique hat . . . but we'll work it out somehow.

And finally . . . Lexi Dear, how very very thoughtful of you to provide your Auntie Janet with an Arabian prince! I look forward to visiting his abode in the very near future, and I have my darling Lexi to thank! Merci boucoup, darling!  :-*

The Sheik, Rattle and Roll

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on May 03, 2005, 10:36:59 PM
Hi all,
Just returned from a little revolution over on another topic and  thought I'd stop by here where things aren't quit so angry. Given my family history, revolutions make me a litte nervous. I'm sure you can relate. But sometimes I just have to go on and stir the pot a little.
Hearing the bus story reminded me of a song we sang as children.
"The people on the bus go up and down
up and down
up and down.
The people on the bus go up and down
All through the town."
Something like that anyway. Still don't know what to wear to the ball. Is the Wicked Witch of the West taken?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on May 04, 2005, 04:31:11 PM
Of course the hat sounds absolutely fabulous! Headscarves are the norm, but nothing wrong with a hat. Matushka (Priest's wife) often wears a hat. And since it is an Imperial wedding, the bigger the better!  If anyone has something like a Marie Antoinette wig that might be OK too. If you'd rather not rely on the vagaries of public transport, I can arrange for a cossack escort for anyone who needs it.
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 04, 2005, 10:26:02 PM
In fact, Your Imperial Bridegroom, I was just about to ask if I might wear my Marie Antoinette coffieur underneath my fabulous hat. The styles are not quite the same century (well, actually two  :o centuries apart) but I think a double headdress would but make me look extra-modest at your ceremony.

And many thanks, an imperial cossak guard would be most wonderful, although I do hope you will let me bring the Arabian prince that darling Lexi sent me. He will be wearing a turban, of course . . . but I shall impress it upon him to wear his very best one.

Now please don't be a runaway bridgegroom, okay? We've had quite enough of that in the news of late!

BTW, I am bringing a servant with a large basket of tissues, for those of us who cry at weddings.

The romantically lachrymose      

GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Georgiy on May 04, 2005, 11:12:49 PM
Brilliant GD Janet! That's just what I was thinking. Wig and big hat. You might need to remove the wig during the ball though - wouldn't want your head to get too hot and sweaty and have it slip down the face and crash into Princess Schvibs's cookies-and-cream gelato! The Arabian prince is most welcome, but he will have to remove his turban in Church if he attends. Men are not allowed covered heads in Church - most discriminatory!

Cheerio

Georgiy Imperator
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 05, 2005, 08:31:45 PM
Excellent, Your Most Imperial Bridegroom. Although don't worry about me getting too overheated . . . my Cindy outfit is diaphonous, and I've altered it to be low in front and low in the back!

The Prince is quite disappointed that he will not be able to wear his turban since he is completely bald. However, I've told him to buck up and get with the program, so I think we'll be okay.

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. He may bring his double-edged sword, may he not?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: lexi4 on May 05, 2005, 10:30:04 PM
Georgiy
I do hope I am invited to the wedding, I have only recently had my claim acknowledged by T doug. I have no idea what to wear. Can you help me Auntie Janet? What does one wear to a royal wedding?
Maybe I should go for the rasputin look, what do you think?
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 06, 2005, 12:21:15 AM
Dearest Courtiers of the Grand Ball:

The best thing for the Princesses  and everyone else to wear to the ball is something that is "diaphonous".

I have no idea what this word means but GD Janet used it in her last very literate post.  She's  the smart one around this imperial court, so if Janet uses it , we all use it.  

I too will be wearing something diaphonous as will everyone else.  So I sent for the imperial tailor and told him that I wanted something done up in diaphonous and he gave me the strangest look.  Well, since I am the Tsar he said "Yes, your highness",  bowed low and left  the chamber.

Everyone is wondering what my new diaphonous costume will look like.   Will I be the hit of the party?

Tsar Doug.......and the courtiers in our new diaphonous look. :D ;) ;D
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: pinklady on May 08, 2005, 03:08:11 AM
My dearest friends

Dear Tsar Dougie Darling, you are definitley going to be the hit of the party my dear, and it really won't matters WHAT your costume looks like cos we will only see you in all your finest birthday suit, as your new diaphanous costume shall be so see through darling....... ;D
Now Princess Lexi dear, the Wicked Witch of the West is not yet taken but you shall have to start practising a few little verses, such as "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!", but dont look at my Miss Pink (aka Toto) as your saying that one dear, and also practice in a screechy howl, "I'm melting! I'm melting!", and you should be set for the night. ;)
Well, as for me, I have my outfit all ready, can hardly wait.
Have just returned from a beery good time with our Lady Redtoria in Bavaria, and will not be able to face another beer in a while, I'm sure. ;)
That's it from me
Princess Pink
Her Very Pinkish Highness
:-* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: ptitchka on May 08, 2005, 07:27:18 AM
From the cage paper of HIH Cossack Baby:

So we Imperatorskii Papoogaichikii are to be Munchkins at the next Ball, are we?  My fellow Little Parakeet Tsarevichestm, patent applied for and I are quite indignant at having to exchange our budgie suits for vintage movie costumes, even if all we have to do is chirp in falsettos like the late great 'Tiny Tim' -- who, incidentally was NOT a budgerigar.

Now, now, Cossack Baby.  You must act like a little parakeet tsarevich.  You will only have to wear this get-up for an hour or so, until it is bedtime for birdies.

Oh, all right.... I suppose
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: anna on May 08, 2005, 10:26:02 AM
My Dearies,  
 
I haven't made up my mind what to wear at the ball, which is a big issue to us all. Dearie me I must stop this rhyming  
It must be a fairytale character and diaphanous at the same time, well I suppose an Elf will do, but that's more Shvibi's style. Although I've never seen a dorito eating Elf.  
No, I'm a classy kind of woman, yes you may call me a posh, every spy must a have an image. So the Snowqueen would be a good choice only if my blinkety bling stays visible enough. On the other hand as my   GD/GP Cinderella Janet dearie,kindly suggested Anna bo-banana is of course another option. Still have the banana costume of my dear friend Josephine Baker in my closet. Difficult to make a choise, maybe one of the ladies could help me out.  
Dougie dear, you can have my veils, transparent enough I think, wear them in the colors of our imperial flag. I'm sure you're look stunning.  
 
Ladies, don't forget our lunch- date at the Tsarskoe tearoom this afternoon. Please dearies be aware of the dresscode. I felt sooo embarresed  the last time we had lunch together, Pinklady in a morning dress and Lexi in  evening gown and tiara. Really dearies didn't you had lessons in etiquette? Is this what we call the new chic?....sigh.  
 
Anna 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Janet_W. on May 08, 2005, 05:09:19 PM
Darlings, it has been so frantically rush rush rush all this weekend, what with the wedding and toting my Arabian Prince around and all, but I must clarify a matter: Diaphonous and not diaphanous is what I meant all along, i.e., transparent garments  :o that simultaneously allow you to carry a cell phone.

Well, go ahead and laugh, but we busy GD/GPs must be in touch with the outside world at all times! (I'm not sure if that holds true for Tsar Doug, however, which may be why his tailor reacted to the order for diaphonous garments. I'm sure he would not have looked askance had T.D. asked for diaphanous!)

Oops, my dear Arabian Prince is making more demands, so I must fly . . . more later--

The Wing-ed GD/GP Janet
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 08, 2005, 05:40:32 PM
Dearest Courtiers:

I do thank our dear GD Janet for clearing up the matter of our costumes for the grand bal de epoch.

When I put on the new costume the phone began to ring and ring.  It even played "God Save the Tsar", which was followed by Billy Halley and the Comets, playing "Rock Around the Crock".  That's our ode to the Imperial Porcelain factory.

The new costumne also has a fax machine, telex, teletype, telegraph,  MP3, camcorder, stero headphones, calculator, computer and every other device known and unknown to mankind.  I feel like a walking media machine.

And as our dear GD Anna suggested all  of the Imperial colors will be on display at the party.  The Tsar will of course being wearing bright golden yellow but all of his most important assets will be covered with cell phone equipment of various types..  

 Miss Baker's last Revue de la Paris' I assume is the inspiration for GD Anna's gown de jour.  

;) :D ;D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Douglas on May 08, 2005, 09:43:12 PM
Attention All Courtiers:

Should we start a Part II?  The current one takes forever and a day to load.

I hereby appoint any of the Imperial Courtiers so inclined to immediately start a Part II.

Tsar Doug and the Imperials of Tsarskoe Selo  :) ;) :D ;D 8)
Title: Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
Post by: Valmont on January 21, 2015, 06:11:11 PM
My God. It is clearly noticeable you do not do anything unless I am here pushing you around..The Palace is a mess. Where is Douglas?. He knows his sole responsibility is to keep the floors clean and make sure the garbage has been picked up.. Obviously, he has not been up to fulfill our expectations.. OFF with his head !!...

Uncle Valmont -The one and only heir apparent to the Russian Throne - (looking inside the empty fridge for something to eat)