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Messages - Douglas

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Dear  GD  Janet:

Please accept my apology about  your cat Rex.  It just seems that  just as soon as I give a  title to one cat, every cat in the Tsars Village   wants one.

For now we'll call Rex, the cat,  His Most  Imperturbable Imperial Palace Felis Domestica, REX.

Back to reading the Urantia Book.......

HIH   Douglas

Dear Janet:

All this chit chat about your doggie Rex is most unusual in relation to your  various and  erstwhile spurious claims of royal entitlements.  Let's just solve the matter of  'Rex' by issuing him a suitable royal title and just let it go at that.  I cannot spend all of my time blessing and conferring royal titles on a barnyard of barking and screeching animals.  

I gave Melissa's Ortino II a title and now everyone is all over me to grant  their darling pooches a royal degree of favors.   Enough is enough already.

Dear Melissa:

You are always welcome at the afternoon teas with the Imperial Court.  Maybe next week we'll show a movie about  how to behave in royal circles.  Please bring the popcorn and I'll supply the bonbons.

I notice that HIH Arturo is very quiet this week.  I hope he made  it  home after his marathon search through the bars of Tiajuana.

HIH   Douglas


I can only  imagine the suffering Arturo has to endure  in Tiajuana.  Only a true patriot  would go from bar to bar looking fo the elusive Committee.  Yes, he truely does it for his love of Russia.

Yes, Melissa, I did hear a rumor that one of the Committee is at a spa at Yalta...taking the 'cure'.  I hear he's been going there for years.   I understand he commutes regularly from South Beach to the Crimea  on a  monthly basis.

Keep up the good work Arturo, and try and stay from those table top dances...they do not make for good Imperial Courtiers.

Here come some more royals looking for Imperial favors...does it ever end?

HIH  Douglas

Greeting all from the Petit Palace of the Tsar:

I have had a change of heart.  In all of my Imperial graciousness I have decided that  Arturo and myself can be co-tsars.  Arturo can flip a coin to see who gets which  wing of the palace.

The Parade Rooms  I decree belong to Melissa and other of the lady courtiers.  

How's that for royal fairness?

Also, I want to thank Tsar Arturo for taking the time and tremendous effort to scour the bars of the planet in search for the Claimant Committee.

Melissa and Courtiers:

Yes, I have come to understand that  the Claimant Committee  never  takes  a drink before six. Of course they mean six AM.  They're all a bunch of crypto Windsors.

Caviar?  Oh, yes, I have heard all about that.  They even like caviar and peanut butter sandwiches...can you imagine that?  Then they wash it all down with diet Pepsi!   So decadent.

Even Anna, a modern day Mata Hari, has had  a little too much of the old schnaps today.  Poor dear, what to do.

Even our dear Janet W. [party hardy]  is a little wobbly  today.  She can't tell whether she's  a duchus or a dukus.

I must have the butlers collect all of the bottles around the palace and put them in a safe room.

Ortino is the Imperial pooch by royal decree.  So be it!  And Coal is the Imperial kitty cat.  I have spoken!

Here comes the tea tray........


Dear Melissa, Ortino II and friends of the Imperial Court:

That was a lot of fun being on Antiques Roadshow.  Now they want to see my private jewell collection.  I graciously declined.  You can understand that the Tsar never displays his least in public.

Been busy applying for a visa and new passport.  The clerk wanted to know my occupation.  I wispered "Tsar"...and she said, " Oh...really?".  I never argue or lie to a government employee.  Always tell the truth.  

When I arrive at  the airport in St. Petersburg I am sure they will accord myself and the entourage special treatment.  The ambassador said he would send a police car for me.  I think that is real thoughtful.  At first I requested a limo but they feel a police car would be safer.  Those Russians  are so smart...they think of everything.

Yes, Majesty Magazine is doing an article on the various potential  Tsars.  I'll let you know when they call us for the photo session. Be sure to bring Ortino.    

Time for tea......


Everyone keeps mentioning Paris Hilton.  Yes, I have seen Paris and she is a darling blonde.  I am fond of her sister as well and both are welcome to visit us at the Tsars' Village.  

Does anyone think we need a Hilton in the Tsars' Village?

I hope that everyone is not  as confused as I am with all these names.

All the best,


Hello all and a most gracious kiss for loyalists:

My oh my, I see that I  was invited to some nefarious Tea Party.  I would be most happy to attend but I will bring my own refreshments, plus a platoon of Imperial bodyguards....if you all don't mind.  Not to be rude ....but just being prudent.  You've got to be PRUDENT.

Greetings Melissa!  Hope your household is doing well and please inform them that they are always welcome at the Tsars' Village.  I'll let you know when your Dasha Moderne is complete.  I love the way it clashes and sets off the Alex Palace.  They look so different....very moderne indeed!

I have my mint busy casting toy soldiers.  So far I have about  two thousand.  When I set them out they look just like a real army.  Sometimes I can spend all day just getting them in their straight lines.  Call me crazy but I love it.  Remember,  it is never too late to have a happy childhood.

I feel so sad for HIH Arturo.  He is having such a problem with the plans for his Valmontschloss.  I told you, Arturo, that  drawings on dinner napkins are not the proper way one designs a house.  Just get some photos and say,  "make it like that!!".



Princess Janet W.:

Horse whipped you say?  That is not dignified, no, no.  Off  to bed without dinner but not whipped.

And as for Melissa, you note she is very genteel and makes no unreasonable demands upon my Imperial goodness.  So I gave her a little fur wrap, a cottage, a  Rolls Royce,  solid  gold knitting needles with diamonds on top and some Fabrege nicknacks...well, so what!  It is my pleasure to do so.

Imperial Courtesan for your title Janet?  That's not really a title but more like a 'profession'. What can I say...let's just leave it at that for now.

Prince Albert called after lunch today and informed us that he would be happy to be our dance teacher but that he only knows how to Moonwalk and a bit of ballet.  That Mararena dance was just a one time thing and he was very embarrassed by it.  I guess he didn't know all the moves.

I have yet to decide what to do about the Russian jewels that HRH  The Queen E II  has in her jewel cases.  Any ideas?  Maybe her Greek/German  consort could drop them off at the backdoor of the palace.  I'll notify the bootboy.

Anna:  I made an Imperial decree that a special wing be built for your lodgement but alas you must have overlooked my post of April 24.  

Signed:  Douglas ....woof, woof, .

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