Here are a couple I love!!!
Nancy Astor to Winston Churchill :- If I were your wife Winston, I'd poison your coffee!
Winston Churchilll:- If I were married to you, I'd drink it!
Psychiatrist to patient:- Are you ever troubled by immoral thoughts?
Patient: - No Doctor. I rather enjoy them.
It is related that Bernard Shaw once asked his dining companion whether she would go to bed with a man for five hundred pounds. The woman smirked and said roguishly:
'Well it would depend on how good looking he was....'
'Would you do it got ten bob? (less than a pound in old money!) enquired Shaw.
'What do you take me for?' burst out the woman.
'We have already settled that question.' said Shaw dryly.'Now we are discussing the price.'
Bessie Braddock:- Sir, you are drunk!
Winston Churchill:- And you, madam, are ugly. But, in the morning I shall be sober.
Margot Asquith made the acquaintance of screen siren, Jean Harlow at a dinner party. Unfortunately,the movie star not only made the faux pas of addressing the Countess by her Christian name, but kept pronouncing Margot as though it rhymed with 'Pot'! After a while the riled Margot turned and said sweetly, 'My dear, the 't' is silent,' adding silkily 'as in Harlow!'