Alixz, as a new poster, I have huge empathy with what you have to say about Alexandra. Like you, I find that understanding her is easier than liking her, however, when I examine the factors which made her what she was I feel that I must try harder.
A very brief look at Nicholas shows us that Tsaravitch though he was, in personality he was totally overshadowed-dominated?-by his father and uncles, by his mother and sisters. It follows then that he would look for, in a wife, a strong personality replicating that of his childhood rolemodels. Psychology tells us that when we meet our VIP,in that first instant, we know, at a primal level, that this one will fulfill our needs. Thus it probably was for both of them when they met as children-the dye was already cast.
Alicky's childhood, far removed from the opulence of the Russian court, in provincial Germany, probably bore strong resemblance to the English court where her mother had spent her own childhood. Certainly, I feel that Queen Victoria's influence there would have been strong and would become more so. One can only imagine the sense of loneliness and isolation that Alicky must have felt after her siblings and her mother died and it seems perfectly natural that her loving Granny would take her under her wing, but separating her from her remaining siblings at such a hugely traumatic point in her life may have given rise to the problems she had with relating to other people, a skill which would have been an enormous advantage to her later on ,added to which, the domesticity of the English court with reclusive, widowed Granny was hardly ideal preparation for life in the decadent Russian court. An interesting scenario has QV admonishing an Alicky eagerly showing off her engagement "baubles" with "Now Alicky, you mustn't get too proud"!!!!! This, then, is a part of the background of the child who became the hated Empress of all the Russias. Could it have been different? Given the circumstances, I think not.
