Alexandra and her Health Part 1

[ChristineM]

What Alexandra endured is unimagineable.   Any mother knows the sheer terror of having an ill child.   To have a potentially terminally ill child... well there really are no words.

History has been cruel to Nicholas and Alexandra, particularly to Alexandra.   The love, commitment and concern of her own children speaks volumes.  

When you look at photographs of the young grand duchess on their 1916 journey to Mogilev, hugging peasant children or of Olga and Tatiana working alongside their mother in the hospital, their simple, warm, kindness stands testimony to the legacy inherited from the example of their mother.  

None of us can even imagine what it was like to walk in Alexandra Feodorovna's shoes.    But one thing we do know, her faith never failed her.

tsaria  

[Tsarevna_Olga]

Infact.in photos is rarely that we can see the Empress don't sit...

[Lisa]

I always wondered why Alix appears always sit, or in a bed, or in a weelchair. I noticed it, watching old Romanov's family photos.

RealAnastasia.

To be sitting when you have a sciatica crisis is the best position: it calms the pain.In spite of the other leg nerve, the crural (the femoral nerve), you feel better when you are standing or laying.


http://www.backpain-guide.com/Chapter_Fig_folders/Ch07_Symptoms_Folder/1LumbRadic.html

[Sarai_Porretta]

The accident that took place with the glass took place only a month after her beloved mother's death. Irene and Ernie both avoided the panes, but Alix crashed right through them. (The source does not say that these panes were in the garden of the Neues Palais, if anyone knows for certain?) Her legs were badly injured and took a long time to heal. I read also that Orchie bathed and bandaged them, but that she could not run without limping for a considerable while.

I believe I had read about this accident somewhere else on the forum but now I can't find it. What source did this account originally come from - a diary or letter? And what are the details of what happened? From what I recall, she was walking along somewhere next to a greenhouse and she fell through the glass - are there any more details? Thanks Elisa for stating when the accident happened and I too would be interested in knowing if it was at the Neues Palais or not.

[Sarushka]

What an interesting thread! I apologize if this has come up before -- I've been skimming the last few pages in my eagerness to post  

I've wondered seriously about Alix and panic disorder since I was diagnosed with it myself a year or more ago. But with all her other physical ailments, I also wonder how fuzzy the line between her physical and mental troubles might be?

While many folks get hit with panic attacks out of the blue, my experience has been in response to specific trigger situations, sometimes ridiculously specific situations (ie: I'd ride shotgun anywhere with my parents, grandparents, and two particular friends, but the idea of getting into a car with anyone else would put me over the edge). From what I recall of Alix's panic-like symptoms, they occurred when she was under the gaze of high society, but not so much so in the presence of the public or her family. The more reclusive the family became, the less evidence I recall noticing of anxiety attack symptoms. Could her anxiety have been situational, like mine? I hesitate to blame the symptoms on shyness, considering how willing & eager she was to interact with the general public during her charity bazaars in the Crimea, innumerable hospital visits during the war, and the public appearances during the tercentenary celebrations. Even the Coronation, which would have made me an absolute wreck, seems to have been a pleasurable experience for her.

That said, the trouble she had with her heart in later years makes me also wonder about the possibility of a more generalized anxiety disorder as her worries over the war and Alexei's health took their toll. Has anybody run across a descriptions of what Alix experienced physically on a day when she rather vaguely described her heart as feeling "enlarged"? (Which creates in my mind a semi-comical vision of her heart expanding and deflating like a little red souffle...) Heart attack-style symptoms are, after all, a manifestation of panic in some people. I think it's possible that once the social triggers for panic attacks faded out of her life, the anxiousness may have eeked its way out of her in a more constant, low-key manner.

But criminy, when we add all the other straightforward stuff she dealt with -- sciatica, migraine headaches, the physical toll of 5 pregnancies -- it's tough to know just where those borders might lie.

Any thoughts?
Sarah

Oh, and a ridiculous sidenote:
You know what I do to distract myself when my anxiety threatens to get completely out of hand? I recite the script of Rasputin (the Alan Rickman version) in my head!  

[rskkiya]

    Well as far as I can tell - not being a cardiologist - but having suffered from pulmonary troubles all my relatively short life - Alix did not have any actual heart related conditions however she did suffer from bouts of nervous anxiety wich caused her heart to race...
    Alix convinced herself that she had a 'weak' heart and refused to consider any other options. It was difficult for her numerous doctors to counter her about this - as she would only become more nervous (re: have *heart* pains) whenever they suggested another posible source for her condition - sort of a self fulfilling situation, which works well with the panic disorder notion.
   HINT whenever anything pleasant was going on she suffered no enlarged heart pains--it was ONLY difficult, unpleasant or stressful situations which aroused her "condition".

rs

[Sarushka]

The amount of thought you've all put into Alix's character is really quite tremendous - wow!

Now that I've read EVERY post in this thread, I want to add a few more points about panic disorder as I know it:

1.) Regarding Helen's initial doubt (I'm going back to January, here) about Alix's potential panic disorder: You're right, Helen, that these bouts of panic are very much like intense stage fright. From the outside, they can seem to come on with no cause at all, but may actually be the result of a very particular combination of circumstances, as I said earlier. The really irritating part is being completely aware (sometimes even in the midst of an attack) of how irrational your fear is while also being completely unable to get a grip on it.

2). All the conjecture everyone has put forth about the source of Alix's anxiety is entirely realistic & plausible, considering the traumas of her early life, but it could just as easily have stemmed from something that would appear insignificant to anyone but Alix herself. The first panic attack I remember came from being corralled into a sleepover with a friend whose house I'd never been to -- I discovered I didn't like her Jerry Springer-style family or her run-down home and I wanted OUT! That urge to escape is a huge component of this disorder.  Folks like me worry about being trapped in public (and for this purpose you can define "public" as anyone in whose presence you'd rather not cause a scene) should we be struck with an attack. Hence the characteristic fear of crowds, or bridges, or movie theaters... Often, just knowing there's an emergency exit, so-to-speak, be it to a safe place or a safe person, is enough to completely squelch the fear. Somehow I doubt there were many such escape routes at St. Petersburg society happenings... Even if there are actual open doors, society's notions regarding a person's proper duty or behavior in a given situation is suffceint to make the walls close in, at least  on a girl like me. I'd imagine being an empress would compound that pressure enormously.

3). Bluetoria mentioned Alix's ability to "rise to the occasion" when matters were taken out of her hands. This has been my experience over and over again. One of the hallmarks of panic disorder is a sort of preemptive fear.  The anxiety I can work up just worrying about the possibility of having another attack if a similar set of circumstances crops up is every bit as bad as the original attack itself. But once the feared moment comes, I'm blessedly (and infuraitingly) fine!  

Well, the more I sqwush this around in my head to turn it into a coherent post, the more convinced I become -- our dear friend Alix was in dire need of some St. John's Wort!

Sm

[ChristineM]

The move to Tsarskoe Selo was predominately for one reason - the safety of the family.

The facts that the air was fresher and that they could spend more time together are bonuses.

The Imperial Family moved to Tsarskoe Selo, permanently, in 1904, in the wake of the revolution.   This was for a practical reason.  It was much easier to protect the family in Tsarskoe Selo from constant threats of assassination.

Nicholas and Alexandra were aware of the peril in which they lived their lives.   In addition to her concerns for the health of her son, Alexandra had the added terror of the security of her husband and of all her children.   Hardly conducive to a peaceful state of mind.   Add on top of that all the other pressures..... and its hardly surprising an already nervous and highly-strung woman suffered from panic and stress.   For that matter, who wouldn't?

tsaria    

[hikaru]

I do not think that the life of Marie Feodorvna was easier than the life of Alix. But they have an opposite character.
Marie did not suffer of Panic Disorder.
I am sure that to live with Alexandr was harder than to live with calm Niki.
I do not want to say that Alix was not good.
I just want to say that her nature was tne reason of Panic Disorder. The tragedy with Alexey just catalized it.

[ChristineM]

Hikaru

You are comparing apples with pears.   Alexandra most certainly was not like her mother-in-law.   She was very much more sensitive and much less self-seeking.   Where Marie Feodoronva thrived on being the centre of attention, Alexandra found attention positively painful.

Marie could have done so much more to smooth the path for her daughter-in-law, but she chose not to.   It is recorded history that Marie could be found at the centre of unkind comment and ridicule focussed on her daughter-in-law.

Marie had the skin of a rhino.   While Alexandra was, perhaps, rather too thin-skinned.

tsaria

[hikaru]

I am not comparing them .
I know that they are different.

I just wanted to say that the Panic Disorder of Alexandra was caused rather not by the circumstances, but by her nature.

[ChristineM]

Instead of 'apples and pears', I think we are now pursuing chicken and egg.

tsaria

[rskkiya]

Hikaru makes a thoughtful and very strong insite!  

Unfortunately I do not know enough about Alix' life prior to Nicholas to know. Could any of our experts on the young Alix of Hesse enlighten us?

rs

[hikaru]

Yes. I agree with rskkiya.
I know that even in Catherine II's time there was a
custom to check profondly the future bride of the Heir from the medical point of view.
Who know something about the fact  - was Alix checked before marriage or when she was a candidate or not.

[BobAtchison]

When she was young Alix was bossed around by her older sisters - Victoria took the lead and then when Alix moved to Russia it was Elizabeth.
Elizabeth made lots of decisions for Alix as she prepared to move to Russia without consulting her very much.  She chose her clothes, made decisions on the redecoration of her rooms, bought her jewels, etc.  Once she got to Russia Alix took over and went in her own direction.

Her older sisters felt sorry for her - she was the 'little sister' and they found it hard to let her grow up.

Bob