Alexandra as Empress and Mother

[AGRBear]

There seems to be a large number of threads about Empress Alexandra (Alix), so,  I wasn't sure  to start a new thread or not.  The one thread titled Alexandra is in memory of her birthday with great photographs.  It  seemed to have a mood about it that I didn't want to disturb with subjects which may pop up here.  Others were about her relationship with Rasputin, her mother-in-law, and others.  So,  that is why I'm starting this thread.  This is just about her.  When she was born.  Her childhood.  Her growing-up years.  Loves.  Dislikes.  I really do not know much about her before her marriage to Nicholas.  What can you tell me so I can gain a clearer image about Alix who became Empress Alexandra of Russia.  

AGRBear

[AGRBear]

What have you read that shows us  Alexandra's  thoughts about her grandmother Queen Victoria?

AGRBear

[grandduchessella]

All accounts show that Alix was devoted to her grandmother. Before Alice's death, Alix spent a good bit of time in England, but these visits increased after Alice's death. Victoria stepped into the role of mother to an extent to the younger Hessian children and Alix was an especial favorite and Alix referred to her as 'dearest Grandmama' and signed letters 'your loving little granddaughter' and wrote very freely to her. She also noted her devastation at being unable to attend QV's funeral due to her pregnancy . QV played a very formidable role in the development of Alix and Alix considered herself very English in style and behavior. QV even hoped to make her Queen of England by marrying her to the eventual heir 'Eddy' the Duke of Clarence. Alix felt secure enough in herself and her relationship to resist her formidable grandmama and while Victoria was greatly disappointed she didn't press her once she knew her affections would never turn in that direction. I don't think I've ever read anything negative about their relationship.

Sample letter:
Subject:  Aleksandra Fyodorovna to Queen Victoria, 26 December 1893
My darling Grandmama,
I cannot help always dreading the coming of the New
Year, as one never knows what is in store for one, God
grant that it may be full of joy and happiness for my
darling [brother] Ernie and the sweet little Wife
[Victoria Melita of Edinburgh] whom he is soon going
to fetch. Now I long for my precious One [father] more
than ever, how happy he would have been to see Ernie
happy, and what a comfort it would have been to me, as
life indeed will be very different for me, as I shall
be feeling myself *de trop.* But I must not bother You
with a long letter, as I am sure You have a lot to do.
Kissing Your dear hand most tenderly, and again wish
you much joy,
I remain, Darling Grandmama dear,
Ever your very loving, grateful and dutiful child,
Alix.

Subject:  Empress Aleksandra to her sister, 28 January 1901  Princess Victoria of Battenberg.
How I envy you being able to see beloved Grandmama
[Queen Victoria] being taken to her last rest. I
cannot believe she is really gone, that we shall never
see her any more. It seems impossible. Since one can
remember, she was in our life, and a dearer kinder
being never was. The whole world sorrows over her.
England without the Queen seems impossible. How
thankful, that she was spared all physical suffering.
Morally, she had too much to bear this year.

[investigator]

What sort of a mother was she?

[ferngully]

a dedicated and loving mother
selina              xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Lanie]

Lots of different opinions on this one.  I think Alix loved her children but obsessively and didn't allow them to really grow since she was so protective and seemed to have ignored the girls in favor of Alexei, which is understandable I suppose knowing her odd personality.  Neither N or A were the absolute perfect loving parents a lot of people think though--like anyone they had their problems and Alix's seems to have been the fact that she coddled them, especially Alexei, too much and didn't let them grow up or have their own faults.

[Mary]

I think that the dear woman was trying to create a "tight little island" which could protect itself from all outside attack.
Not exactly without reason considering the way that the outside world judged and misjudged her AND her family.

It truly IS in the psychology of people who are, or who feel, oppressed (and make no mistake about it Alexandra had darned good reason to feel oppressed, if not financially then PERSONALLY by the people who surrounded her) to withdraw into the one circle that will absolutely love and accept them.

Think about it...how many of you really seek out the company of people who you know are judging and criticizing you?
Well, if you do you are either a fool or a masochist!

So of course she wove a web of "us against the world" about her children.
The sense of being assailed on all sides could only have been exacerbated by the illness and continual fear for poor little Alexei's well being.

Imagine trying to keep a secret like that while simultaneously remaining eternally vigilant to what the poor child was doing so as to keep him from doing himself a serious injury!
And all the while the press and the public's  interest are making it well nigh impossible to keep either your worry OR the reason for it private.

Poor dear, it's a miracle she didn't go absolutely bonkers!
I'm sure she was over protective, her family was her ONE TRUE THING.
In her experience they were all she could count on not to turn against her and hurt her terribly.
I daresay she wanted her children to enjoy the mother's love and understanding that fate had ordained she would not long enjoy.

Sure, she was what we (or at least some of us) would call a "s"mother, but like every parent on the face of the earth, she was dealing with the hand she had been given, by life, societal expectations, heredity, typhoid, and...for want of a better word "God"

All in all she was a gem of a mother, if a largely overwhelmed one.

[investigator]

I truly agree with u.

[Speedycat]

Dredging up this old thread, but I thought this would be a good place to post this nice photo of Alix with Olga Tatiana and Marie at Tsarkoe Selo in the late Autumn of 1908.

[Speedycat]

.........and at Hemmelmark, her sister Irene's home in 1909, chatting with Anastasia.  Notice that collection of cameras on the table!

[elfwine]

    I think that she wanted to be a good mother but I don't think that she was completely sucessful... Her daughters were not encouraged to have any friends outside the family and I feel that this stunted them emotionally.
  I can understand her desire to protect them-nevertheless this was a mistake.

[RealAnastasia]

Nobody is perfect in this world, not even the Saints. So, it's natural that Nicholas and Alexandra were not perfect. But there were excellent parents, and very caring to their children. Of course, they made lots of mistakes, like all parents always makes.

Those who admires the Romanovs as some os us here do, don't believe they were "perfect". We admire them for they have lots of good qualities and family high values.

Alix was somewhat hysterical sometimes, yes...She didn't allowed herdaughters  to grow up as young ladies, and keep them as innocent as if they were little girls. But she had reasons to be hysterical and to be af raid of St. Petesburg high society. She must have been afraid of young noblemen who could have been her sons-in-law, for she know how corrupted they use to be. She wasn't in peace with herself when she thought in their daughters future and matrimony. Certainly, we can't blame her.

RealAnastasia

[Marialana]

There's no such thing as a perfect parent, but I definitely believe that Alix was an outstanding mother to her children.
Much has been made about her isolating the girls from most of society and keeping them to herself & Nicholas. I don't think she did this out of purely selfish reasons, however. Looking around at the choices of "friends" and social life available to her daughters, if I had been her I probably wouldn't have wanted them anywhere near  vapid Petersburg society either. Alix was treated exceedingly poorly and without respect by much of society, including her own mother-in-law. Small wonder that she didn't want her girls subjected to their morals and attitudes.
All four of OTMA were turning into outstandingly kind, caring, and intelligent young women. and Alix deserves at least half the credit for that.  She often mused about their future to Nicholas in their correspondence, hoping & wishing that they would be so lucky in their married lives. She also expressed her sadness at the fact of her illnesses being detrimental to their happiness - a fact that speaks to me of her love for them.
I often wonder how much the loss of Alix's mother at such a young age impacted the way she dealt with her daughters. Maybe she was trying to make up for the loss of her own mom with a sometimes overly hands-on approach with OTMA?

[rskkiya]

I often wonder how much the loss of Alix's mother at such a young age impacted the way she dealt with her daughters. Maybe she was trying to make up for the loss of her own mom with a sometimes overly hands-on approach with OTMA?

Good point...
However, I think that this emotional loss on her part  stunted her ability to let her daughters develop as independant individuals - and yes - I do know that this arguement is a very very modern one to make.

rs

[bluetoria]

If she had not been Tsarina, she might have been viewed as a very good mother. Part of the isolation of her family was a result of her position, wouldn't you say? The girls did mix freely with the sailors on the Standardt & with their cousins...perhaps they were less 'isolated' than we think. By the time of WWI, Alix was seriously considering possible husbands for Olga, and though she may have rejected most of those who were 'on offer', it was no different to the behaviour of other royals at the time....