Author Topic: Alexandra as Empress and Mother  (Read 133772 times)

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Caleb

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #150 on: June 01, 2006, 02:49:38 PM »
Well but then again, Nicholas & Alexandra referred to Marie Feodorovna as "Motherdear" as did George V & his siblings refer to Queen Alexandra. I think in a way we all have nicknames for friends & family.

Offline Romanov_fan

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #151 on: June 05, 2006, 03:24:48 PM »
I agree with Tsarina_Liz. That is very true, that Alexandra must be given the final credit for what her daughters became. They were indeed beautiful, accomoplished, intelligent young women. She was also a caring parent to Alexei, although it was easy to be over protective given his illness. She may have faced some of the issues other families face with children and siblings. There were of course conflicts and sibling jealousy sometimes or feeling unloved. That is natural and human, but at the end of the day Alexandra mostly had a good effect on her children. They grew up well, although Alexei never lived to grow up, only his sisters were grown up or close. Alexandra seems a good mother to me, her children being her ultimate test.

Tsarina_Liz

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #152 on: June 05, 2006, 10:22:19 PM »
Quote
I agree with Tsarina_Liz. That is very true, that Alexandra must be given the final credit for what her daughters became. They were indeed beautiful, accomoplished, intelligent young women. She was also a caring parent to Alexei, although it was easy to be over protective given his illness. She may have faced some of the issues other families face with children and siblings. There were of course conflicts and sibling jealousy sometimes or feeling unloved. That is natural and human, but at the end of the day Alexandra mostly had a good effect on her children. They grew up well, although Alexei never lived to grow up, only his sisters were grown up or close. Alexandra seems a good mother to me, her children being her ultimate test.

Well, I personally don't think she deserves as much credit as all of this  ;)  Her and Nicholas combined, IMHO, get about 45% of the credit while the girls themselves get the other 55%.  In many ways they raised themselves thanks to Alexandra's illnesses and psychological quirks as well as her attentiveness towards their brother - and I think that was a good thing because it allowed them to become unique individuals.  But, of course, I have never seen evidence of Alexandra trying to radically change who they were - even the rambunctious Anastasia, whom she must have occasionally found tiring (or even possibly amusing when she was sick and needed cheering).  When Alexandra was around, she could be harsh and demanding (read her notes to the girls, they mean well but they come across badly) although I think she tried to show love through instructions.  Methinks that she was somewhat emotionally stunted growing up due to the lack of a caring, attentive mother figure of her own - Queen Victoria meant well, but she wasn't exactly 'cuddly' and therefore Alexandra didn't really know how to be affectionate (yes, I realize it's speculation).  Alexandra also, it should be added, did her fair share of damage.  Most of the girl's immaturity both psychologically and socially, resulted from her enforced isolation from the rest of the society.  As the Dowager Empress Marie said, the girls were "captives of their mother's paranoia."  

The girls were great, but had they been allowed to grow up normally I think they would have been spectacular with unlimited potential.  They all had good heads on their shoulders, something I don't think Alexandra ever realized, and would have blazed their own paths in society without compromising their integrity.  And given the increasingly lax rules of the society they lived in and the social fluctuations, they could have become much more than trophy wives.  I have seen it written that Anastasia, for example, would have made an admirable photographer.  Olga could have ruled a country with the suitable husband becoming, I imagine, much like QEII in our time - a smart, popular "business queen".  In trying to protect her girlies, Alexandra caused quite a bit of damage.  
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Tsarina_Liz »

Sophia_Skymind

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #153 on: June 07, 2006, 08:31:20 PM »
Hi!

I have to agree with those who say that Alexandra was slightly over protective. But I don't think it should be considered as bad for her children. Sometimes, over protectiveness is what allows people to grow. I know it's paradoxal, but if you have nothing to disturb you, you'll have lots of energy to think, to analyze what is life, no? (please keep in mind that it's a point of view...)

Don't know. Don't forget that kids didn't had as much rights then today, and that they were considered children a lot younger then today. Adolescence is a new concept, thinking about it.

For example, I once saw an old video from the 1976 summer Olympics, figuring gymnastics champion Nadia Comaneci. What always surprises me is that sportscasters refer to her as a little girl. She was 14 years old, not 10! And it was what, 40 years ago? So imagine in 1910! People were expected to go from "child" to "adult" in no time, and maybe that was some of them didn't really knew how to rear their own kids. They maybe didn't felt ready at only around 20 years old, as a few years before their own parents refered to them as "little girls" and young boys.

So I believe that when thinking about Alix's relationship with her daughters, we have to compare her with standarts from her own times. (And I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that.)  :)

Sophia

Offline Romanov_fan

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #154 on: June 08, 2006, 10:34:13 AM »
I agree that we always have to take standards in context with the era. What might seem normal parenting in one era tends to seem different in another. It might be ok, but to another era not seem so. I think overlooking this is an issue. Perhaps parenting is not good, but in that era was regarded as so. You have to take that into consideration. Also, royalty have always raised their children differently, and always will than most of us. Thus, their standards might not be ours. Alexandra had some challenges in her role as a mother, and in my opinion she performed well, except that she was a bit over proctective of her daughters, that is true. It was hard to avoid that though, in the circumstances.

grandduchess_42

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #155 on: August 20, 2006, 04:13:17 PM »
Did Alexandra every get so angry at the children that she couldn't talk to them?
i think she would beacuse of alexei's illness.

and viseversa... did the children get mad at her they couldn't talk to her?
i mean i somtimes i can't talk to my mom over a fight or somthing.

Offline Sarushka

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #156 on: August 22, 2006, 07:29:09 AM »
I would imagine so, though I can't actually think of an incident to prove it. After all, they were just regular people underneath it all...
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JaneEyre5381

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #157 on: August 22, 2006, 05:36:32 PM »
Any parent and any child would get angry at either party because it's only human to do so.  Parents expect certain behaviour from their children and children don't want to do what they ought to be doing.  I'm pretty sure that the Imperial Family got angry and frustrated with one another and when one is angry, it is very possible that he or she may want to be isolated for a while and not communicate with the person that has caused the said anger.  This your typical family stuff, and it's very common in large families as well as small ones.

Offline Grace

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #158 on: August 23, 2006, 07:06:25 AM »
Did Alexandra every get so angry at the children that she couldn't talk to them?
i think she would beacuse of alexei's illness.

and viseversa... did the children get mad at her they couldn't talk to her?
i mean i somtimes i can't talk to my mom over a fight or somthing.

I wouldn't imagine Alexandra would be angry at the other children because of Alexei's illness -- that was not their fault -- but they probably grew to realise that, at those times, Alexandra was under terrible strain and had little time to spend with them.

I'd say the children had their frustrations with her too, especially as they got older -- Olga at least has touched on this in some of her correspondence.

Offline Romanov_fan

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #159 on: August 28, 2006, 01:01:45 PM »
The last person is correct. Like any family, they had their tensions, but like any other family, they resolved them too I think for the most part. Alexandra was never specifically angry at her children because of Alexei's hemophilia, but it was a tension that might have erupted at times true. But Alexandra did not really have a bad temper or anything.

grandduchess_42

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #160 on: September 06, 2006, 04:48:22 PM »
well i'm sure when she found out she was mad at herself for a little while. but as tim progressed she knew it wasn't her fault.
true any family would have fights. and any normal family would resolve them.
thank you :)

Offline Romanov_fan

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #161 on: September 06, 2006, 05:32:24 PM »
Well, I think she might have blamed herself for a while about Alexei having hemophilia. It did come from the mother after all, and she was the mother, the carrier.I think it lessened, but there was still some guilt there. Of course, it wasn't her fault, it was genetics. But she always felt responsible towards Alexei, because of his illness.

grandduchess_42

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #162 on: September 06, 2006, 08:08:14 PM »
aw she must have felt awful... i can see Nicholas cheering her up.of course it wasn't her fault, buti know if i was a mother i would feel guilt no question!

Lynne

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #163 on: September 10, 2006, 09:02:40 AM »
I'm sure she did get mad at the children from time to time. Kids will be kids. They will act bratty  and need to be corrected by their parents. Just because they were royalty did not mean they were angelic all the time.

But I don't see Alix ever being angry with OTMA because of Alexei's hemophilia.

I do think that she probably blamed herself for Alexei's illness though. She probably felt terrible about it. What mother woudn't.

grandduchess_42

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Re: Alexandra as Empress and Mother
« Reply #164 on: September 10, 2006, 11:15:38 AM »
aw do feel sorry for alix.
nicholas was probobly heart broken!