I think this is yet another reason why a good biography on Alexander III is needed. Margraita's excellent article on the death of Alexander III has started to push back on the long held rumor that Alexander was a raging drunk - and I can't help but wonder what other well known “facts” about Alexander III are equally incorrect.
Speaking specifically to this thread - I think that it is fair to say that Nicholas and Alexander had a highly complex relationship. Alexander was vocal about the fact that his son was a disappointment to him - in his childish outlook on life, his lack of experience with women, his ultimate choice of a bride, his lack of interest in governmental matters, his inability to deal effectively with ministers and his peers in the family, etc. Alexander was a hard man. He needed to be. He came to the throne after watching his father bleed to death from a terrorist bomb. Remember he (Alexander III) was not thought that highly of by his own parents who preferred his older brother Nicholas and he was pressured throughout his life by his younger brother Vladimir who cursed the accident of birth that kept him from the throne.
Alexander did make time for his kids. He was often referred to as a kid himself – the family holidays in Denmark are loaded with stories of him (Alexander) playing tricks on the children of the extended family as well as them playing tricks on him.
Having said that, I believe Nicholas worshipped his father - especially those characteristics that made him a strong and powerful ruler. Remember also that Nicholas had a very immature outlook on life. Nicholas didn’t really grow up until his father died and than he had to grow up so quickly that it was too late for him to develop his personality into a strong, yet forward looking ruler.
I believe that Alexander was better connected to his children that Empress Marie - Marie, ever the society darling, left the details of raising her children to others - don't read this as a criticism - that was what was generally (but not always) done at that time. On a family level, I believe that while he was a better parent that Marie, the times, the pressures of the throne, and Alexander’s own upbringing made him a hard and difficult parent.
In summary, the million dollar question will always be, had Alexander III not gotten sick and died so quickly would he, over time, have better prepared Nicholas for the throne – something that required more experience in government affairs and more support to help him (Nicholas II) grow up into a confident, thoughtful and secure man? All attributes necessary to run a country as large and complex as Russia.
dca