Was Alix of Hesse disliked by British royals?

[Kalafrana]

To me, the quote from Queen Alexandra suggests a basic fondness, coupled with exasperation. But we need to know how she referred to other relations - was 'poor dear' pretty standard for her?

Ann

[darius]

I don´t think she was disliked at all.  In her pre-marriage days she was close to the Schleswig-Holstein princesses and a bridesmaid at Beatrice´s wedding to Henry Battenberg.  It should be remembered that  many years later her portrait was still hanging in the royal palace in Madrid before Ena´s flight in 1932 which must show some degree of revered memory for a dear cousin.  Queen Alexandra´s attitude was probably somewhat influenced by her refusal to become engaged to Albert Victor...
As in all large families I suppose that Alix was well-known and loved by some, not very well known by other and had probably had childhood squables with others which meant that there was little proximity in adult life - this, and her treatment of Victoria Melita may be the reason behind Marie of Romania´s comments regarding the Empress in her memoirs...
Just a thought... :-)

[Kalafrana]

To judge from her memoirs Marie Louise was fond of her but far from uncritical. Similarly Alice of Athlone, who was 11 years younger and knew her less well.

Ann

[Clemence]

I believe that all her life Alix emulated what she had seen displayed by Victoria-she had no other frame of reference. For the most part, history condemns Alexandra, but if we look at the private Alicky we see a very different personality, not just with her family but with people who wll come to have small importance in the annals of history. Here we see kind, caring, selfless generosity of spirit. How sad that too few saw that side of her. Did the BRF dislike her-I guess the answer to that depends on how they, as individuals, treated her and how she responded to them.

Do you really believe it would make a difference if more knew she was good in heart? She and Nicholas were fine people but this doesn't mean they were fit to govern an empire like russia!

[Astraea]

To me, the quote from Queen Alexandra suggests a basic fondness, coupled with exasperation. But we need to know how she referred to other relations - was 'poor dear' pretty standard for her?

Yes it was. But, Queen Mary's biographer James Pope-Hennessy pointed out that the adjectives that Queen Alexandra used actually were significant. For example, he explains that shortly after Alexandra's beloved son "Georgie" married Princess May of Teck (later Queen Mary), Alexandra realized she was no longer "the object of her son's undivided attention" (p. 279). This jealousy caused her and her daughters to soon start referring to Princess May as "poor May" instead of "sweet May" as she had been described in years past. Furthermore, the sisters then took to criticizing May behind her back, even telling guests at dinner how dull she was.

So from this, I think perhaps the adjective "poor" isn't a particularly positive one coming from the pen of Queen Alexandra. I highly doubt she had a good opinion of the Empress Alexandra -- I can't remember where I read it, but I believe that via his mother, George V himself wrote somewhere that the Empress ("poor Alicky" I believe he called her) seemed to be the causer of a lot of troubles. He certainly remarked when he heard the rumours that the Empress had died with her husband that "perhaps it is best so." Of course, that statement could just mean that he thought it good that such a devoted couple at least died together, rather than apart, but perhaps it meant something more. We can't know.

[Kalafrana]

It is, of course, perfectly possible to be fond of someone while considering them to be to a greater or lesser extent the cause of their own misfortunes.

Liking someone doesn't necessarily mean approving of everything they do!

Ann

[Alixz]

Another interesting point is that after the 1896 visit to Queen Victoria, Alix and Nicholas didn't get back to England until Cowes in 1910.  If anyone had either a good or bad opinion of Alix, they had a long separation before they saw her again.  Of course during that time,, Rasputin made his entrance and even though we are told that he had little contact with the Imperial Family, his presence in their lives was certainly known by everyone in and out of royal circles.

As to Alix being a bridesmaid to Beatrice, we have to remember that only young unmarried virgins were considered as bridesmaids both then and now.  That is why both Diana, Princess of Wales and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge had virtual babies walk down the aisle with them. Of course Diana had no Maid of Honor and Catherine did have her sister Pippa but times have changed.

The choice of bridesmaids is always limited but Princess Beatrice was marrying Henry of Battenberg who was the brother of Alix's brother in law Louis.  That would seem to put Alix in the wedding party by default.

[Russian Art Lover]

After Alexandra was arrested did a message not arrive from the "Queen of England" asking after the health of "the ex-Empress"? I can't recall where I read that.

Good call! I think it is in FILE ON THE TSAR.

Queen Alexandra obviously shared the exact same views of Alix as her sister Dagmar. Maria Fyodorovna wrote to her sister every day, and you can believe that she included all her various petty grudges and run-ins with her daughter-in-law. Here is an example. On the eve of the coronation in 1896, Maria Fyodorovna presented her daughter-in-law with several dresses to wear at the many official functions in Moscow. Alexandra showed her independence - and, I would say, rather a lack of tact - by not wearing a single one of them. Maria Fyodorovna immediately fired off a letter to her sister: "Alicky bore all the celebrations unusually well. But imagine, she did not put on a single one of my wonderful, beautiful dresses. I regret that I was so stupid, throwing away good money that I can ill afford. I find it incomprehensible that she could do this at all, especially if you bear in mind that I spoke to Nicky about it first. It is such a demonstration of cheek, rudeness, heartlessness and unceremonious behaviour, the like of which I cannot recall. I would never have dared to act like that with my mother-in-law. Oh well, all this is now in the past and nothing can be done. Perhaps she did not do mean to do anything wrong, perhaps this is simply the absence of a keen sense of tact - something you cannot acquire later, if you have not been born with it [ouch!]" [MF to sister Princess Alexandra, Gatchina, 28 May/9 June 1896 (Hoover Institution, Stanford. Maria Fyоdorovna, Empress, Box 1, Folder 25)]

[feodorovna]

If only she had said "Darling Alicky, I would so love to give you something beautiful to wear when you (whatever) Perhaps we can chose something together, so I can be certain of giving you something you like" Who knows what the outcome of that kind of gesture might have been?

[Clemence]

Queen Alexandra obviously shared the exact same views of Alix as her sister Dagmar. Maria Fyodorovna wrote to her sister every day, and you can believe that she included all her various petty grudges and run-ins with her daughter-in-law. Here is an example. On the eve of the coronation in 1896, Maria Fyodorovna presented her daughter-in-law with several dresses to wear at the many official functions in Moscow. Alexandra showed her independence - and, I would say, rather a lack of tact - by not wearing a single one of them. Maria Fyodorovna immediately fired off a letter to her sister: "Alicky bore all the celebrations unusually well. But imagine, she did not put on a single one of my wonderful, beautiful dresses. I regret that I was so stupid, throwing away good money that I can ill afford. I find it incomprehensible that she could do this at all, especially if you bear in mind that I spoke to Nicky about it first. It is such a demonstration of cheek, rudeness, heartlessness and unceremonious behaviour, the like of which I cannot recall. I would never have dared to act like that with my mother-in-law. Oh well, all this is now in the past and nothing can be done. Perhaps she did not do mean to do anything wrong, perhaps this is simply the absence of a keen sense of tact - something you cannot acquire later, if you have not been born with it [ouch!]" [MF to sister Princess Alexandra, Gatchina, 28 May/9 June 1896 (Hoover Institution, Stanford. Maria Fyоdorovna, Empress, Box 1, Folder 25)]

I must say I loooove Marie more and more every time I see new (to me) proof of how she really was like! Thank you for the letter)

[historyfan]

Maybe it's just me, and I lack a clear understanding of the dynamics between royal mothers- and daughters-in-law, but I consider it rather tactless to throw something unsolicited at Alexandra like that, and expect her to like it. She was already displeased with Marie choosing her ladies-in-waiting - can the reigning Empress not be trusted to choose her own dresses??

[Eddie_uk]

Thank you for posting Russian Art lover, a very interesting letter!

It reminds me of the incident when Queen Alexandra refurnished York Cottage prior to Prince George's marriage. I can't remember the details but I think i'm right in saying that Princess May was not impressed!

[Russian Art Lover]

I must say I loooove Marie more and more every time I see new (to me) proof of how she really was like! Thank you for the letter)

Thank you! Another gem from Dagmar writing to sister Alix after the birth of Alexis in 1904:

"She, Alicky, is on transports of delight at her son, although she has grown terribly fat, and still has a strange gait, as if every step causes her pain. Such a shame that she does not look after herself; she always wears a loose, wide bathrobe, which means that her waist will probably not return back to normal."

[MF to sister Queen Alexandra, Gatchina, 8/21 November 1904 (Hoover Institution, Stanford. Maria Fyoоdorovna, Empress, Box 2, Folder 29)]

[Clemence]

Maybe it's just me, and I lack a clear understanding of the dynamics between royal mothers- and daughters-in-law, but I consider it rather tactless to throw something unsolicited at Alexandra like that, and expect her to like it. She was already displeased with Marie choosing her ladies-in-waiting - can the reigning Empress not be trusted to choose her own dresses??

well, I guess diplomacy was never her forte, was it?

[Alixz]

Both Queen Alexandra and Empress Marie were so similar in temperament and in their views about their offspring.  Both were intensely possessive and just never thought that they were interfering by choosing dresses or redecorating homes.

Of course, I am not saying that they were right in their actions, but in Empress Alexandra's case moving to a new country and not being at all knowledgeable about society and precedence, one would think that she would have welcomed her mother in law's help.  May on the other hand had lived in England and knew what was expected, but Queen Alexandra wasn't about to let her "chicks" fly free.

The Russian tradition that put the Dowager in front of the reigning empress was the biggest problem for Alexandra and Marie.  Marie could have stood down, but she was just not a "wall flower" and she still liked to be in the lime light.

And Alix might have been the grand daughter of Queen Victoria, but she was just not ready to be empress of Russia and yet thought she knew everything.  She was "provincial" and I think that she hated that people knew that.

I look at Queen Victoria's message about "not becoming to proud" as a warning - not about jewelry - but about attitude.  Historians might have misinterpreted that.  The queen may have already seen her grand daughter taking on "airs" and putting herself above others because she was going to be Empress.

Alix didn't listen to her or anyone else.