Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .

[katieann]

Cherie Douglas

I am shocked!  My human companion (Katieann) informs me that Ortino II and another Princess Meowsky slept on the Empress's bed.  Are you SURE these are royal offspring??  I NEVER sleep anywhere except my own bed (it's so much more comfortable than that weird contraption Katieann is forced to use); and, as for running loose along the corridors - well, my dear, that is simply NOT DONE.  I never go anywhere without my Nanny, personal maid, valet and 2 guards.  Nanny still insists on proper table manners ("paws off the table", "chew your food with your mouth closed", "use a napkin", "always ask to be excused") even though I am now quite grown up, but naturally I obey her as she knows best.  My personal maid ensures that my private needs are attended to - I would say more, but Nanny says such things aren't spoken of in public.  The valet ensures there are adequate supplies of my favourite food, my water bowls are kept filled, and my toys are always exactly where I need them to be.  And the guards are there to ensure that I am not catnapped or harmed.  If I say so myself, I am a very pretty cat with excellent markings and a good pedigree and Katieann would of course be distraught if I disappeared.

Allowing cats or dogs the free run of a palace is wrong.  They will end up with ideas above their station and will result in low-born moggies thinking it is acceptable to sleep on the Throne, lounge on the Empress's bed and walk over the Emperor's desk.  Such things cannot be tolerated and I for one will not visit until my safety and wellbeing can be completely assured.  I will need a room for myself of course, plus one each for the valet, Nanny and Katieann.  The guards can share a room - but should be stationed nearby in case I require them.  I am the great great great great great great great great granddaughter of a Grand Duchess's cat and should be treated with the deference and respect my rank deserves.

And, I have heard a nasty rumour circulating about me.  I DID NOT eat the goldfish from Granny's fish pond when I was round visiting.  It was that sneaky grey cat from No. 26 that did it.  His name's Pebbles (WHAT kind of name is that for a cat??) and I saw him as I was having my morning bath.  He had the sheer nerve to come up to the window and meow at me.  And, we hadn't even been introduced!  What appalling manners.

Yours in friendship

Dinahlova.

meow, meow, meow

Douglas - sorry Her Imperial Princess-ship is getting a bit stroppy.  The guy next door's just got a new kitten and she's taken it upon herself to instruct the interloper in the proper way to behave.  This kitty's more rock n roll than minuette and she's taking it badly.  Keeps complaining that his table manners aren't good.  Anyway, I thought a trip to my Mum's would help calm her down, but there was the incident with the goldfish.  While I am not one to point fingers, I did see HRH burying something in the garden.  She swears it was something unmentionable, but I could definitely smell fish.  Think it would be best if we didn't visit until all the ponds at Tsarskoe Selo are covered.

[Pravoslavnaya]

From the cage paper of HIH the Grand Budgiess Tatiana:

Our adorable brother HIH the Budgerigarevich Dmitri was quite interested in last night's television program.  His favorite part was to see the people playing hockey instead of eating fish eggs.  Here in Massandra the local sponsors broadcast a commercial for 'Zolotaya Ikra'  "the caviar of bird seed" featuring that horrible poseur Keetshenskya.  Our most adorable father HIM the Budgerigar Alexis-Percival was perhaps a little embarrassed in front of HIM the Budgerigarina....

[NAAOTMA]

dearest all,

sorry for this keyboard punctuation or lack thereof, but the keyboards here in the former imperial province of estonia are too tricky for poor old me...just wanted to say that ortiino the second was left in the care of mr. paul burrell during my baltic holiday, and so how he got into the imperial apartments i do not know...four lashes with a wet teabag for him...the butler, not my precious doggie....caio for now from the baltic, melissa minus ortino the second

[katieann]

Dear NAAOTMA

You left Ortino II with PAUL BURRELL!  What had the poor doggy done to deserve that??  He must have been very naughty to deserve such punishment and, of course, he (Ortino that is) is naturally forgiven for wishing to run riot.  Although I am very well-behaved, I think I may have succumbed to the same feelings if I had been left in his 'care'.  When I visit Tsarskoe Selo I may just have to give Mr Burrell a teeny scratch to remind him of his place.  And forget wet teabags - how about a cat o nine tails?  Sounds more interesting to me especially if it comes with mice.

Best meows to you.

Dinahlova

[anna]

Melissa dearie,

How is your trip to the imperial estates of Estonia? Some trouble with the keyboard dear? Ah well I can read you loud and clear.
As you already know there's a new cat in the house, thanks not in mine residence. It looks likes she trying to make friends with Ortino, and is leaving some marks on the face of your butler Paul Burrell. I can spy for you who's the owner of that cat, but it will cost you some of that wonderful Estonian perfume, which you bring back hidden between your fur ( am I right?)
The GD/GP Janet is making an imperial tour to Santa F and your precious Douglas and empress are gone with the wind. So It's only me guarding our mansions and treasures. But I'm okay, play the balalaika all day.

Anna

[Janet Whitcomb]

Anna Dahlik and others, I have returned from my grand tour of Santa Fe, but unfortunately am currently in the grip of la grippe. Really such an intense experience in New Mexico that I have been left weak . . . a victim of those Santa Fe sunrises, multiple helpings of cactus salad, and of course the truly wonderful exhibit itself. (Which I  shall explain, in due time, at Santa Fe thread, and under my nom de plume of Janet_W.)

Presently one of my staff is preparing a poultice--hence my brief upright position in front of the keyboard--but in short time I must follow doctor's orders for liquids, rest, and etcetera etcetera.

BTW, I have a desert tortoise with a surprisingly regal if curmudgeonly air. Could it be? Is he the ______ ? (Permission granted for each of you to fill in the blank.   )

Ah, but hark! My lady-in-waiting approacheth! So, at this time I most humbly take my leave of all of you, retreating to my boudoir for concentrated and alas prolonged (per doctor's orders) rest and relaxation.

Yet I remain

The ailing GD/GP Janet

[anna]

GD/GP Janet Dearie,

La grippe quel malheur and that on your imperial tour to Santa F. Can't wait to hear the details of the exibit. I hope they received you with all regards. After all a royal visit must have made the guides quite nervous.
Dear, I would love to come over from Europe but you know how delicate I am. One sneeze from you and I have stay in bed for weeks:P I'll ask dr.Kinbot to examen you, he did so on Dougie dear- well you know what  happened to him, soooo sad .  I did send you some flowers and my latest CD" Anna's greatest balalaika hits" that will cheer you up  
When you are able to ly on your chaise, do send for me and I will fly like a swan.

Get better soon

Anna

["Douglas"]

Greetings and Cheers to all of the Members of the Imperial Court:  Well,  your Highness Anna, I see you are well and seeing to all of the affairs  of the House of Orange.  Was that you we say plucking a tulip from the Royal Gardens the other evening?  I agree, it was a beauty!  +++GD Janet, so sad to hear you are under the weather.  Be a bit cautious about our dear old Dr. Kinbot.  You know, his medial abilities are from the 18th Century.  At least he knows how to have our chef make up a great chicken soup a la Stroganov.  Mmm, so good.  ++++I did have a visit the other day from the Imperial Dentist, Dr. Nuyen  Faberge.  When I looked in the mirror I was so astonished to see that he had placed a little diamond in the filling with a gold setting.  Every time I open my mouth, everyone in the chamber is hit with a great sparkle of light.  Oh, such a delight.  Now I'm off to the terrance for a sun bath.  The Empress insists that the servants place screens all round so that the populace does not peer at  the royal corpus.  Cheerio.....Douglas

[NAAOTMA]

dear tsar doug and loyal courtiers, here i am on the island of saarema, off the coast of estonia...it is the land of mosquitos and no cross ventilation, my dears, though the mudbath spas are divine...maybe anna could sing in the charming cafe here...or at the imperial bandshell...and GD janet could recuperate...i am sending home cases of estonian perfume, though actually DEET cologne would be more useful as a momento...if tsar doug would wish to fill the imperial coffers, he could start up a screen business in the former imperial province of estonia...or a royal bugzapper business with the fauxberge design shop making a beautiful bug zapper design...as there are no screens and the skeeters are as big as B52s...but one suffers to represent the imperial court no matter what trials are involved, including leaving dear ortino the second with mr. paul burrell...my best regards to all of you, and my special regards to the dear empress...missing you all, dearies, melissa k. minus ortino the second

[AnBhanfhaidh]

I echo Katieann's sentiments - this thread is a hoot! May I play, too?

I'm interested in supporting the Crown with my espionage skills. Perhaps Master Spy Anna could put down the balalaika and set up the Imperial Intelligence Service - what do you think, Anna - Novaya Okhrana???
Ochen zhal about your love, Sidney - too bad he fell victim to Trest!!!

[Annie]

Katieann, I am here to inform you that my cat, Samantha Strayevna is challenging Dinah's claim as the heir to the Vashka line! Samantha's father Stray Tenderovich claims he is the illegitimite son of Prince Spirit who claims to be a direct desendant of Vashka's older brother who was rescued from the palace in St. Petersburg by one of Kerensky's little boys before being found roaming the streets of Paris in a daze. Taken in by the emigre' community but afraid to reveal his identity in case the Bolsheviks came after him, he lived in obscurity as a farm cat for years before traveling to America by ship where his line contiunes to this day in my Samantha!

["Douglas"]

Dearest  AnBhanfhaidh:

Please let all of the imperial courtiers know your royal name.
The above nome de mysterious is nice but  what does it actually say? Feel welcome to choose your own imperial title...don't be shy. +++ Our dear GD Melissa is so sweet to give us all her imperial blog about her royal procession to the far reaches of our  vast imperial domains; which actually includes  most of the known world, except Kyoto. The Empress and I do not plan much travel this summer as we are having our portraits painted by  a protege of Andy Warhol: Prince de la Orleans, of the  Left Bank of Moscow.  He has a great talent for being able to paint a portrait  that shows both the front and the back of your head at the same time.  I think he uses a mirror in the composition. Oh, so original.  It is so wonderful to be outre and with it, as they say in Santa Fe.  Ouvre dear ones, HIM  Doug and "E", the absent Empress. [Anna? have you seen the Empress in Delft?]

[NAAOTMA]

dear tsar doug and all the dearies,

i just wanted to let you know that i have left the mudbaths and returned to revalakatalliinn...returning to my duties at tsarkoe will be a breeze after trying to fit in here and represent the imperial court properly...i looked around at the breakfast buffet, and everyone was wolfing down herring and salad at seven in the morning...to show that their highnesses are sensitive to all their empires customs, i too ate herring every morning with salad and did it with a smile...this is just one small gesture of goodwill that is so important to show that tsar doug is a tsar who understands...ciao for now, dearies ----GD melissa minus ortino the second

["Douglas"]

Dearest Melissa:

I have just send a message to  our chef.  It states that we must have salad and herring for breakfast.  This must be the proper thing to do these days....as I see that you are served it and we must  be 'a la mode'.   Melissa, we can't find the Empress anywhere in the palace.  Have you seen her and her retinue anywhere in your travels hither and yon?  I do know that she took a  bag of her jewels and various large notes with her.  If you do see her, approach with great caution and ask her if she knows Mr. Burrell.  That's our secret code for, have you been to the bath.  She'll know what you mean and greet you warmly.  Try to purloin some of those jewels.  She took them from  our dentist and we need them for new fillings.  Ciao, "D".  

[anna]

Dearies,

Yes Dougie dear, I was plucking some tulips from the royal gardens in Den Hague preparing the Imperial Suite for your Empress. Finally she did came out of the closet. I was called on duty as Lady-in-waiting by Queen B. to entertain your consort. Well the lady made my day, I'm lying here - fatigued, blisters on my feet and a terrible headache- on my chaise longue. Man, that woman knows how to shop.
As a matter of fact SHE shopped till I dropped .

First she wanted to buy diamonds in A'dam, then she decided to mingle with the locals in a coffee-shop, I had to drag here out of there, she simply wouldn't understand, coffee isn't the only thing they serve!! She appeased when I bought here some wooden shoes and made une tour de bateau. After tea we left for Delft, she wanted to buy Royal Delfts-blue and porcelain.
Hope I did bring that home safe.
I would be ever so grateful when you collect your Empress and here stuff as soon as possible. The royal family and I are worn out.

AnBhanfhaidn dear,------ as a spy I've to do some inquiry--- your name --oh dear :-/ Please translate for me what you wrote about my beloved Sidney .....sob.

Anna