Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .

[Janet_W.]

Dear Tsar Doug:

I am not sure if the curators at the Huntington will appreciate moving their Gainsboroughs and et cetera to the Guggenheim . . . methinks, given their own history, they undoubtedly will feel railroaded.  

However, I believe there is an on-site museum cafeteria which might suit, if only for the nonce. And it is entirely possible a key lime pie or two abides on the premises. Can't speak for the chocolate cake with coffee icing, tho'.

What, may I ask, is served at low tea? (I must look out for Grand Duchess Melissa and Ortino II in this respect; the dears do tend to become involved in the most frightful of adventures.)

It was my impression that Justinian had been sent for by Spy Anna. Though I cannot be absolutely certain on this point.  

By the by, I do think we should watch our pints and quarts, as the other claimants thread has been locked, and unlike Rapunzal, my hair is not of a length to vouchsafe my eventual rescue and escape.

I remain The Tragic Muse--

Sarah Siddons
a.k.a. The GD/GP Janet

[Pravoslavnaya]

From the cage paper of Their Imperial High-perchednesses, the Grand Budgiesses TATIANA MOLLY and ALEXANDRA MAGGIE:

To all our Human Co-Claimants on Both Wings of All Palaces.

We feel it our cute and sweet little duty to let one and all know that our Imperial Faberge Plexiglas and Platinum Deluxe Cages are never locked.   Our loving attendant feeds us, kisses us and allows us flight time in order that we may maintain our dainty little figures.

We agree with GD Janet that vegetarian fare for those of us who thrive on it or otherwise enjoy it would be absolutely scrumptious.  We will even eat habanero and serrano peppers - veterinarian approved -- that is, except for dear old Grand Keet GARETH ALEXANDER, with whom they simply do not agree (do make his mild bell peppers, please.).

HIH the Budgerigarevich DMITRI would definitely agree that it would be best to give HIM the Emperor JUSTINIAN the once-over and a double take before even considering giving him the third degree.

Wishing one and all wittew budgie kisses, we remain your own sweet and cute --

TATIANA MOLLY
ALEXANDRA MAGGIE

[Douglas]

Dear ones all:  Well, what a commotion.  When our suite showed up at Mr. Huntington's old house the museum curators told us that the place was just not grand enough for a Tsar.  They suggested that we retreat to our private train and go north to Mr. Hearst's old house up at San Simeon.  Seems that  is more suited for a king and ruler of Siberia and lands east of Moldavia. I'll let all know what happens when we get there.  The Empress is dire need of some more coffee to calm her nerves after this embarrassment.  "D" :-/

Forgot to mention that they offered us low tea in the Japanese Tea House.  The staff all had on their most serious faces...but I did notice a bit of twittering in the background...very unmannerly in front of our suite and the GD Janet.

[anna]

My dearies,

No I didn't sent for Justinian after all, but dashed off to la douce France myself, to inspect the furniture, paintings and of course his imperial finances. As I'm not invited by Tsar Dougie dear, for high and low tea, someone has to think about decorating the right wing of the palace, so I'll have my own Pot au Feu, thank you very much. . And Dougie dear I want those sunglasses back you put behind your name lately. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

I'm blissful my protégé Tati is back, dearie was I worried :-/ Hope you had a nice vacation. I'll sent you on a secret mission to see how our third Tsar Valmont is doing. Try to see a preview of his film.

My dearies it's time to change for dinner,we're having bouillabaise on the menu.

Au revoir,

Anna

[Janet_W.]

So glad that my fellow Grand Duchess Anna is doing well, but Ay Carrumba, Tsar Doug, you did it again!   Left me high and dry (or considering the tea we had, is that low and schmoe?) at the Huntington, feeding bell peppers to those blasted wittle budgies. Needless to say, I am all a-twitter.

BTW, ever been kissed by a budgie?    Don't get me started . . .

So now I'm scrambling for bus tickets and will probably end up sitting next to some guy in a raincoat offering me Two Buck Chuck while you and the Empress are trolling up the California coastline in your customized private train car. I tell you, Life Is Not Fair.  

Well okay then, I'll put on a stiff upper lip (found one at a Halloween shop) and see you at San Simeon.

In the meantime, what about Valmontsky? I do hope it's on the way. Perhaps I can persuade the Greyhound bus driver to make an unscheduled stop.

Yours for Triple Crowns--

The GD/GP Janet and the Budgies

[Douglas]

So sorry GD Janet.  We thought you were in the dining car with the imperial pooches.  When our conductor said "All Aboard", I replied, "Off We Go, Full Steam Ahead" and we headed up the coast for San Simeon.  I understand that  Tsar Valmont's new  palace, the one with all the great little golden details, is in Tijuana, B. C., Mexico near the racetrack district.  This is of cource in exactly the opposite direction we are currently steaming.  And dearest GD and superspy Anna.  I have a new policy at the palaces.  When one is invited, all are invited.  That means you too.  Please try and bring the new Tsar Justinian along next time.....we must know his whereabouts and what he is up too....nothing naughty we hope.  See you all  at  Hearst Castle [ someone, please bring the ketchup bottles].  "D"

[Pravoslavnaya]

From the cage paper of HIM-ically Perchedness ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, Budgerigar of Budgerigars, Grand Keet of Birdland, Ph.D. of all Bird Brains, etc., etc..

To:  HIH GD/GP JANET, Princess of the Entire West Coast, etc., etc.. and so on and so forth

Our Dear Great Princess JANET:

We, ALEXIS-PERCIVAL, along with HIM-- ALEXIS-CAROLINA, and the rest of the Imperial Budgerigar Court, deeply appreciate Your benevolence and respect to Our Birdly Estates during the recent misunderstanding in regards to the Imperial Ball events.  While We share Your keen disappointment at not being able to behold a single kokoshnik - or in the case of Her Majestically-Perchedness or of the Grand Budgiesses to try their wings at hatching a Faberge' egg - We wish to offer You in consolation and with Our heartfelt thanks for your indulgence of our appetites:

THE IMPERIAL ORDER OF ST. ALEXEI THE BIRD-SNARER (for did not the patron of the last universally acknowledged Heir to the Throne try his hand at catching birds when God called him to help catch people instead? and so on and so forth.)

With kindest and loftiest regards:
ALEXIS-PERCIVAL.

PS.:  HIH-Perchedness the Grand Keet GARETH-ALEXANDER wishes to apologize for the budgie kissing episode.  A-P

[Janet_W.]

From the Terrace Adjacent Guest Cottage Number Three, Hearst Castle, San Simeon, CA, USA

Tsar Doug:

Things do work out most serendipitously, I must say.

There I was aboard a Greyhound bus, with cages and cages of budgies. I decided to ask the bus driver if he knew the location of Valmontsky, and at that point he—and indeed, the entire company aboard said bus—began to look most assiduously for signage indicating Uncle Val's new abode. (Wasn’t that generous of them?) Presently the turnout was found, and the budgies and I were deposited by the side of the road.

However, after about half an hour of asking random joggers and bicyclists about which direction to Valmontsky, someone furnished a piece of cardboard and a marking pen, and henceforth the budgies and I sat by the road, holding our “Valmonstsky Or Bust” signage.

As it turned out, a truck transporting bottles and bottles of Heinz 57 Ketchup pulled over—intrigued by Our royal demeanor, no doubt, despite Our reduced circumstances—and, upon inquiring of Our situation and learning of your own San Simeon connections, declared that they, too, were headed in that direction for a delivery, and offered to take Us to Hearst Castle, where We now await you and your dear spouse.

As you might guess, there’s no need to bring any ketchup, though We would appreciate if you and wifey could stop at the nearest grocer and purchase some extra bell peppers.

In the meantime, the weather is fine up here, and We are about to take another dip in the sparkling outdoor Grecian pool. The Budgies enjoy splashing about, and I too am finding it quite refreshing.  Various and sundry tourists also enjoy the view, and—upon being reassured that We are displaced royalty—have included us in their digital photos sent home to the folks in Paducah and Pocatella. In short, the Budgies and I have become a tourist attraction, and have been receiving (ahem) royalties in a tip jar adjacent the pool.

Need I say that the Budgies and I have made amends? Furthermore, we eagerly await you, Anna, Justinian, Melissa, Ortino II, and last but certainly not least Uncle Val—we hope—as Special Guest of Honor. Indeed, I have informed all the tour guides to that effect, and a special Welcome Bus awaits you, “down the hill,” at the Hearst Castle Tourist Center.

Yours, with relish--

The GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

 Telegram from onboard the imperial train:  We have been stopped by a band of  imperial groupies in Santa Barbara.  They refuse to let our train pass until all of the royals onboard this train do some impromptu line dancing at the station.  We have sent for our dancing master for emergency lessons.  Also we will need someone to crank the Victrola. Will keep all informed as to our progress.  GD Janet: please keep things under control at Hearst Castle until we pass this dreadful test and arrive at the Tourist Center.  "D"  :-/

[Janet_W.]

La, Tsar Doug, how very very droll.  Santa Barbara groupies? What next . . . a gang of Solvang mercenaries?!  

Well, I hope you, your wife and the entire Douginian entourage do the rest of us proud. As for me, I'm strictly into waltzes, minuets, and the occasional fox trot.

Having waited the obligatory minutes after consumption of my veggie burger topped with Heinz 57, I am back to the pool and remain

The Saucy GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

We're all dripping with sweat.  We've danced up and down the platform a hundred times but we are improving our routine.  All of this whilst GD Janet is lounging around the Grecian Pool at San Simeon, how lovely...and we're getting blisters! ---- Oh, I have just been informed that a famous Hollywood producer has seen our routine and desires that we sign a contract for a new Busby Berkley movie.  The suite is thrilled....the Empress is tired and I desire to move on. UPDATE:  Our private train has been taken over by some mad historic train buffs and demands that  our train be taken to the Railroad Museum in Sacramento.  I have called for 45 hot air balloons to transport the suite and our luggage to San Simeon ASAP.  "D"  News  of our junket will be updated as soon as possible.

[anna]

GD/GP Janet and other dearies,

Oh....that's what I saw, looking out of the window of my jet, the Imp. train hanging on 45 hot air balloons. I should have known, only Dougie dear can figure out something like this. What a Royal entry.
Traveling with Tsar Doug and Co. is never dull, getting into trouble is one of his talents Dearie you're a Tsar, take a secretary to organize such things, I've told you many times. I understand why the poor Empress is always fidgeting.
Janet dearest, when they appear above Hearst Castle, be alarmed, clear the pool for landing, and bring the budgies in safety. I hope the suite practiced swimming excercises on dry land. Don't forget to put the kettle on.

I'm on my way too, the more comfortable way.. private jet . Other family members trickle in very soon I suppose. GD/GP Janet dearie, please put a martini ready, shaken, but not stirred.

Ready for line dancing with dry boots..

Anna

[Pravoslavnaya]

From the cage paper diaries of HIH-Perchedness the Budgerigarevich DMITRI ALEXEI PERCIVAL GEORGE and so on and so forth.


Today was quite the day.  From being fed luscious red, yellow and orange bell peppers by HIH the GD/GP JANET as well as our loving attendant to basking in this most sumptious Imperial-sized bird bath that does double duty as a pool for human beings, We all have had an eventful time.  There was a point when We all endured a layover.  You would not believe the little children that asked if they could touch me... at least my feathers.  Here I am, just an innocent trim little white Budgerigarevich with blue belly feathers.  Yet I obliged and let the boys and girls hold me on their fingers and get all excited, while remaining calm myself.  HIH Cossack Baby thought I was very brave, especially when the boldest of the little boys said:  

'I held him!  I stroked his feathers!  He was so sweet!  I want my own parakeet.'

(A mere parakeet!  Ah, well.  St. Alexei himself always wanted to be like other boys, so why shouldn't I be relieved at inspiring someone to own a pet parakeet, and not just one of those dime-store varieties....)

But anyway, We were all requested to finish Our luxurious bathe here and get ready for a state dinner.  We all have a balcony view from our cages... and what is this?  An aerial exhibition, complete with balloons and Imperial fanfare?  We had all better take a look, even the venerable Grand Keets GALAHAD-VLADIMIR and GAWAIN-CONSTANTIN.   Grand Keets LANCELOT-GEORGE and NICHOLAS-TIKHON, being tiny fledglings like HIH the COSSACK BABY, are all eyes already.

[Janet_W.]

Really, Tsar Doug, you are quite the Drama King.

Yes, as earlier related, the Budgies and I had been sunning ourselves and hobnobbing with tourists all day out on the terrace, adjacent the Neptune Pool, when what to our wondering eyes should appear than 45 hot air balloons and a dangling train car. (Well, better that than a dangling participle.) Imagine all the gas involved.

Tut tut, my dear T.D., you have at last arrived, but I'm afraid the final Castle-bound tour bus of the day left half an hour ago and more, so perhaps you and your hot air entourage could remain camped out at the park restrooms until tomorrow around 8:20 a.m.? Really, after all your earlier terpsichore, you will no doubt be grateful for the respite.

Until tomorrow morning, then, and I do hope you are bringing lots of bell peppers for the Budgies and plenty of microwavable french fries for me (preferred nine times out of ten by GDs/GPs to freedom fries). . . after all, we've oodles of Heinz 57 in the Refectory these days.

Shall watch for you on the official Hearst Castle slo-cam tonight. Perhaps you’ll be able to see me; I shall perform the Royal Wave at 6 p.m. precisely, before adjourning to Cardinal Richelieu’s bed. (Don’t jump to conclusions; the dear boy went to his Reward many centuries ago, and the sheets have been changed since that time.) Make sure those balloons are well-anchored; we don’t want any unexpected leave-takings, now do we. (You aren't, by any chance, The Great Oz, are you?)

The tanned and rested

GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Can you imagine the shock?  We didn't know that Mr. Hearst had a private zoo at his estate and the basket of my balloon landed directly into the tiger cages.  I jumped from the basket and ran  for the wall.  I jumped over and found myself looking straight at the Empress who was sitting on top of an elephant.  We shouted for the mahout, who came running at  full bore.  He quickly got the old elephant to kneel and allowed the frightened Empress to slide down his trunk to the ground.  What a relief!  We then gathered the suite and headed for the guest house in search of GD Janet.  We rang the bell and her maid came to the door and informed us that the GD had gone to bed and would see us in the morning.  We camped out in the corridors and sidewalks of the indoor pool. It was a bit steamy but we survived.

In the morning we were all informed that the three Guest Houses were occupied by the GD's and that the Main House was a Museum for  tourists.  We had no idea that the place was open to the public...of all things.

Seeing our great distress GD's Janet, Melissa and Anna came forth with a marvelous idea.  They immediately ordered that several large barges be constructed and floated in the Neptune Pool.  So here we are, living aboard  three grand houseboats moored in the great swimming pool of San Simeon, California.  What a wonderful day it had been, although my feet were a little sore from all that dancing in Santa Barbara!    "D"

PS:  Many thanks to GD Janet for collecting tons of money from the tourtists.  This came in very handy in providing the new bird cages for the budgies and for the imperial houseboats.