Author Topic: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .  (Read 202462 times)

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Douglas Huntzinger

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #75 on: April 27, 2004, 06:53:45 PM »
Arturo:

Here's what to do, Arturo.  Put a little drop of your dubious blood on  your stationery and mail it to the  proper authorities in the Kremlin.  Those guys will know what to do as far as your DNA is concerned.  If you have the right mojo that's good news for you....if not, well,  I'd be calling my travel agent right away.

Melissa K.:

You never fail to amaze me with your loyalty to the rightful claimant of the Thone of Russia.  I am so touched and I bow to you.

I am having the plans drawn up for your Dacha right as we talk.  I will submit several ideas to your for your most gracious approval.  Do you like Frank Lloyd Wright, Prairie style, Levitt Town style, USA or do you prefer Rustic  Japanese Imperial Court style, Edo era?  Or maybe something else?

Rodger:

Cheers to you and your intoxicated committee.  Please, do not play that dreadful old Yankee Doodle Dandy song again!

Janet:

Sorry, you claim only two titles.  I must inform you that every royal person at my court has to have at least three bonifide titles.  Please apply for another one today.  BTW, Empress  cannot be one of them as that is already taken by my secret consort [the one from Germany].  Don't tell anyone right now.

All others:

Bow wow and woof woof are not the correct way to address the Imperial Court , let alone the Tsar.  

Also, all other barnyard impressions are only allowed at 2:00 PM on the third Wednesday of each month old style calendar...if you can find one.

Signed:  Douglas




Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #76 on: April 27, 2004, 07:13:29 PM »
The Clamaint Committee requests that it not be addressed in the familiar.  We will not be intimidated by attempts to single out particular (gifted and important) members by claimants.  

We recognize that intimidation is well-known technique for influencing committee decisions, and we refuse to buckle.

(Janet, I'm waiting for a cab.  I'll be home shortly, thanks)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by _Rodger_ »
WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.

Offline anna

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #77 on: April 27, 2004, 07:35:20 PM »
Dear Tsar Valmont and nieces J & J.

(Tsar) Doug would call me his "dear one" but he never gave my a proper title and a place to live. He kicked me out into the snow, and  I was wandering around with only my dancingshoes and balalaika. If you ever meet a woman( IH Melissa K) dressed in fur, you should know that belongs to me :'(

But you Tsar Valmont called me your "little one" and I must confess I'm under your spell. If your nieces J & J agree I could be their Lady-in-waiting. I'd rather be a GD but one has to start somewhere.  I can be of great use. I've learned some tricks how to spy from my old lover Sidney Reilly and I can go back and forth the Russian border on my diplomat-pass. No problem.

So I suggest to make a trip and find out about Uncle Francesco's Diary. On my way back I'll bring some paintings from Rembrandt and Delfts blue, you need those to decorate your palace.I'll also have a little tête a tête with Queen Lilybeth from England to give back the jewels, that belongs to the House of Valmont!!

Oh and don't forget to ask your nieces if they need anything from Paris (perfume, lace) I'll stay there for a few days. I shall try and speak to the minister of foreign
affairs and maybe I can see the President. I think it's very important to have some backup from a foreign country, cause you will never know what Tsar Doug is up to.
Give me one of your photo's, to take with me, you might be the look-alike of Uncle Francesco and then we know for sure.

Anna


Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #78 on: April 27, 2004, 09:47:11 PM »
Doug: Actually, I am giving subjects the choice of Grand Duchess or Grand Princess--to me they are one and the same. However, if you wish to count them as two titles, and I need just one more title to qualify, how about that of Imperial Courtesan?  ;)

Anna: If among your talents are having tea with Lillibet (God Bless Her) and bringing back Parisian perfume, then you are definitely lady-in-waiting material. Also, Tsar Doug should be horse-whipped, and Melissa is definitely a hussy. (But being anti-fur, I am not, I repeat not, jealous.)

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #79 on: April 27, 2004, 09:51:49 PM »
P.S. Grand Duke Rodger, I hope you're in that cab. Stay away from canals and cakes laced with questionable substances, and for God's sake don't be tempted by promises to meet anyone by the name of Irina.

Offline Douglas

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #80 on: April 27, 2004, 11:58:27 PM »
Princess Janet W.:

Horse whipped you say?  That is not dignified ....no, no, no.  Off  to bed without dinner but not whipped.


And as for Melissa, you note she is very genteel and makes no unreasonable demands upon my Imperial goodness.  So I gave her a little fur wrap, a cottage, a  Rolls Royce,  solid  gold knitting needles with diamonds on top and some Fabrege nicknacks...well, so what!  It is my pleasure to do so.

Imperial Courtesan for your title Janet?  That's not really a title but more like a 'profession'. What can I say...let's just leave it at that for now.

Prince Albert called after lunch today and informed us that he would be happy to be our dance teacher but that he only knows how to Moonwalk and a bit of ballet.  That Mararena dance was just a one time thing and he was very embarrassed by it.  I guess he didn't know all the moves.

I have yet to decide what to do about the Russian jewels that HRH  The Queen E II  has in her jewel cases.  Any ideas?  Maybe her Greek/German  consort could drop them off at the backdoor of the palace.  I'll notify the bootboy.

Anna:  I made an Imperial decree that a special wing be built for your lodgement but alas you must have overlooked my post of April 24.  

Signed:  Douglas ....woof, woof, .

Offline Candice

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #81 on: April 28, 2004, 06:03:45 AM »
Hi Valmont, this is so funny!  Are you secretly stiring up MMR4... ;)  Or may be there is some truth to what he was saying????? heheheheh!

I wonder if his photo of his Uncle Francesco looks like your Uncle? Wow, you might have a link!




Quote
I just got back from lunch, and this is very weird..  there were photographs of the Imperial family. old photos, some looked like copies, but that is not the weird thing..
there were also photographs of old people and young people, and ....A  BOOK !!!...... that reads.. "UNCLE FRANCESCO'S DIARY"......!!..
You think....???.. he might be THE Uncle francesco?
Does anyone has something on this  subject???

Arturo


Offline anna

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #82 on: April 28, 2004, 01:40:46 PM »
Doug: We are not amused. You did threw me out, have you forgotten? My nose is still frozen and I lost a shoe :'(
You only had eyes for Melissa. That woman made me totally berserk with her dogs. And for a grand-Lady like me it is hard to take, no wonder I'm on Tsar Valmont's side now.

Janet:sssst... Melissa doesn't know the fur is covered with clothes-moth. Good for her ;D I'm delighted to be your lady-in-waiting, what does your other niece J think of it? By the way there are wonderful new fragrances:Maroussia and the other one is a lovely smell Rasputinia, I can buy some in Paris if you like.

But first I have to do some spy-business for your Uncle Valmont. ;)

Anna
Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

NAAOTMA

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #83 on: April 28, 2004, 05:23:32 PM »
Dear Tsar Doug,

Mr. Paul Burrell faxed his resume to me today. He asked me to pass it on to you as you might very well be needing a butler of his caliber in the very near future.  When Lilibet visits you, he will help her and Prince Philip feel right at home. He also is very experiened in sneaking people in and out of palaces in the boot of a car...and he only needs an odd day off here and there to make an appearance on Larry King Live or the Sharon Osborne talk show.

I thought the article in the National Inquirer about the woman known by the code name "Dancingshoes and Balaliaka" who alleges all sorts of terrible motives on my part was just a teensy bit unfair, to say the least. And the bit about me stealing her furs, which she then alleges she made sure were full of moths before hand...well, as grandmere once said, don't dignify those accusations with a response. The worst part was when she said she hated my dogs. Poor Ortino II is crushed.

After careful consideration, I think a sweet little cottage of about 12,000 square feet or so in the Style Moderne would do nicely. It is so kind of you to offer me a choice in the matter. Also loved the faux sable full length coat you sent over. For the record, it still had the tags on it from Saks Fifth Avenue. Such a thoughtful Tsar-you even spare the life of the little sables in the forest. How can anyone think you anything but generous and good?   Ciao for now, Melissa K.

Offline Valmont

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #84 on: April 28, 2004, 05:41:45 PM »
Janet,
I told you not to tell anyone about the Tea party I was organizing for Rodger..

Do you think he might still suspect if I promisse to introduce him to Issadora instead of Irina?

Arturo
Arturo Vega-Llausás

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #85 on: April 28, 2004, 06:27:05 PM »
Psst! Uncle Val! Over here!   :P

I didn't know the arsenic and old mace party was for Rodger--I thought it was for Doug! Mea culpa!!!  :-[

Yes, Isadora will do. Also Imelda, Isolde and Ione.  :)

Your penitent niece--

The Grand Duchess/Grand Princess Janet

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #86 on: April 28, 2004, 06:38:04 PM »
Your Imperial Majesty Tsar Doug:

May it please your majesty, I was but in jest suggesting the title of Imperial Courtesan. Indeed, it is a profession rather than a title, and a thousand apologies if I have offended Your Imperial Majesty's sensibilities. Also, I most heartily thank you for allowing me but two titles at this point in time; may we consider a third at some time in the future?

And, as you wish, horse-whipping deferred.

Now, off to one's room without blinis, I remain

The Grand Duchess and Grand Princess Janet

Offline _Rodger_

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #87 on: April 28, 2004, 06:54:42 PM »
Public Notice in Compliance with 501(c)(3) Charitable organizations public disclosure requirements.

In response to a demand for audit filed by certain individuals, the Claimant Committee does hereby and forthwith reply to the scurillous and unfounded allegations set forth in the nuisance complaint.

Our first action is to file a 12-b-6 motion in Federal Court citing a failure on the part of the claimant in question to bring a grievance the court can address.

And regarding the wild and largely unprovable allegations made by the government that the Claimant Committee was squandering donation funds on 'floozies and booze' at an adult bistro in New Orleans, the Claimant Committee's legal counsel has advised us not to dignify such a outrageous allegation with a public comment.

Moreover, the administrative practices of the Claimant Committee are completely above board and conform to the letter of the requirements of GAAP.  The allegation that the Committee is using potential future donations to fund vacations and new cars on credit is shocking and outrageous.  

We will not stand for this sort of thing and are really disappointed that potential claimants whom have not conformed to the letter the rules the Committee has set forthwith, in particular failure to pay the filing fees for appeals, are trying to bypass these reasonable and evenly applied rules by appealing to the courts.  We feel this practice is counter productive to the solemn and noble mission of the Claimant Committee.

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by _Rodger_ »
WARNING!!!!  This post may be hazardous to one's sense of things.  Read with caution.

Offline Valmont

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #88 on: April 29, 2004, 11:36:50 AM »
Janet,
You were right!!.. The Mad Hat tea party was for DOUG indeed. .. The plans for Valmontsky are driving me crazy.
Ok..
Everything remains as planned..

HIH Arturo Vega-Llausás
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 PM by Valmont »
Arturo Vega-Llausás

Janet Whitcomb

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Re: Imperial Family Claimants Post Here . . .
« Reply #89 on: April 29, 2004, 12:54:30 PM »
Memo to Potential Lady-in-Waiting Anna:

How's the spy business for my Uncle Val coming along?

And, having been a woman scorned myself at times (alas, royalty doesn't always have its priviledges) I understand your situation, and would be more than happy to give you employment. Can't speak for my fellow Grand Duchess Jane, tho . . . we'll await her pronouncement.

Also, appreciate your good intentions, but nix on the Rasputinia. Just the sound of it gives me nausea--at best it probably smells like an old banana.   ;)