A little help please!

[missmoldavite]

My dad recently showed me a black & white picture of some members of his family before the revolution and before he was born. They are standing and sitting around what appears to be a really big man made mushroom. You know the ones with the red spots one sees in fairy stories.
It looked like it was a very beautiful garden and I would love to know where it is, as he says he doesn't remember. His nanny, though is also in the picture, she must have been nanny to the other children too, she was an abyssinian lady, and quite beautiful.

[Maria_Pavlovna]

What do you need help with?

[Belochka]

Hi There,

It is impossible to provide you any information when we cannot view the photograph you have described. In which country or city was the photograph taken?

[missmoldavite]

I think it may have been taken in the St Petersburg area, I will ask dad again next time I see him and also ask if I can have a copy...I am not sure he will let me have it, but I will try.
Thanks for helping me.

[missmoldavite]

Oh I see now I did not ask what help I required.

Sorry sometimes I assume people are mindreaders,
I do apologize!

I just wanted to know where exactly this garden is, or was. It just looks so magical and a different world.

Its hard because dad does not like me to ask too much, and I hesitate to ask too much as its hard for him too.

I wonder if many children that are born to russians that have been through the tough times have found it difficult to with their parents to speak of other times.

anyway just trying to understand a bit of family background. I would like to be able to tell my children a little of their grandfathers history.

[Roman_Candle]

Hi,

The search for family history can be a pretty meaningful quest. At the end of the day "Prince's or Pauper's" family is family.

I tried to get my Dad to talk about things before he died. He said more to me than most (in retro that meant alot). He would start and then stop quick because you could see it bothered him so I didn't push it.

I think if a person has been through alot you should wait for them to tell you. If pushing causes them pain it would be selfish on your part to try. Have you tried contacting other relatives that could enlighten you about your family history?  

[missmoldavite]

He is the only one who has contact with them and he not the type to hand over any address or anything. I have asked but he does not do this. Even if I could write to some of my cousins and get to know them that would be great.
Although he does show me photos now and then and discusses  letters written to him. I think they also may be written in Russian and as I do not know(yet) how to read or write Russian its hmm challenging somewhat.
I wonder what will happen after he is gone? Will no-one know whom to write to?.
Do I just give up? Is it impossible?
I sometimes wish he never have started these discussions and shown me various items as it pains me to know only bits and pieces. One feels like a lost ship at sea not knowing family or roots.  

[Roman_Candle]

hmmm,

If he doesn't want to talk about it with you there isn't much you can do. You could get the letters translated either by teaching yourself Russian (cyrillic) or by paying someone to do it.

Is it impossible? I don't like to think anything is impossible. There may be important clues in letters, photo's birth certificates, envelopes etc. Ask him to leave a letter and family info in a safe place for you to find when he passes away along with his will. It may be easier for him to tell you that way. Either it's a trauma event or something that he is hiding out of fear?

It sounds like he is trying to tell you when he shows you the photo's. Try getting creative about your question asking. Russian vodka always works wonders! If it really means that much to you TELL HIM THAT!!! If you want the info go after it then, but be gentle. Time is obviously a factor (sounds like) so "Git Working"

Do you have a biological brother? Another avenue to go down is genealogy through DNA. Agencies like Family Tree DNA and websites like Ysearch.org might be able to help. An example would be checking his genetic markers against those with the same family name. It may come down to the DNA matching your family name or it could be the odd one out? There is alot to learn about the science so be prepared for some reading. You also have to see it as an "indicator" to be backed up with other genealogical evidence...unless it's "unique" and starts "triggering" alarm bells! LOL

Give up? NEVER GIVE UP!!

_{I sometimes wish he never have started these discussions and shown me various items as it pains me to know only bits and pieces. One feels like a lost ship at sea not knowing family or roots.}

Bits and pieces are better than nothing. Once you find a clue the net can help you. The mormons have a good "family search" site and it costs you nothing. Trust me on this one...if I can find out mine when names etc were changed so can you. I also know what the "lone ship at sea" feels like even with a great (although disfunctional) family.   CHEER UP;D think of it as a challenge or mystery to solve.
 

[missmoldavite]

Thankyou so much, Roman Candle!
I guess I should try those 3 avenues hey?. I guess I am more concerned that what if they do find something and he gets distressed that I did this...and he doesn't have any privacy any more...
would it be too much for him?

I am going to see him on the weekend, but will have all the children with me so it will be a mite challenging just keeping them away from all the antiques and stuff, hope my nerves hold out!

" You will be good" You will not empty poppys shaving cream completely in the sink this time, nor will you go and pull all the dangly bits off that hanging cactus like you did last time, and definitely no farting nor picking of the nose".... tis NOT becoming at ALL, especially in front of people OK?...and if you get offered lemonade or sweets don;t you dare scoff it cos I will make you walk 100klm home just to burn off the sugar high...GOT IT?

scuse me was just having a rant...now back to the subject at hand....

I spose I could ask the doctors at the childrens hospital at randwick and westmead that have our DNA already on file, my fathers included...to do some extra stuff, that is, other than what they are already doing that is. Mind you, I have discussed a few things with them, so it would not come as a surprise If I asked about more DNA stuff, and it would help clear things a bit.

hmm. which one to choose from...
well, thanks again you have cheered me up no end!
THANKS!
what do you think?

[Roman_Candle]

Hey!

I guess I should try those 3 avenues hey?. I guess I am more concerned that what if they do find something and he gets distressed that I did this...and he doesn't have any privacy any more...
would it be too much for him?  

[/sub]

Remember that there is a difference between knowing and knowing and telling things (good or bad). I think everyone deserves that privacy.

<sub>You will be good" You will not empty poppys shaving cream completely in the sink this time, nor will you go and pull all the dangly bits off that hanging cactus like you did last time, and definitely no farting nor picking of the nose".... tis NOT becoming at ALL, especially in front of people OK?...and if you get offered lemonade or sweets don;t you dare scoff it cos I will make you walk 100klm home just to burn off the sugar high...GOT IT?

scuse me was just having a rant...now back to the subject at hand....</sub>   You crack me up! LOL

I _{spose I could ask the doctors at the childrens hospital at randwick and westmead that have our DNA already on file, my fathers included...to do some extra stuff, that is, other than what they are already doing that is. Mind you, I have discussed a few things with them, so it would not come as a surprise If I asked about more DNA stuff, and it would help clear things a bit.}

My opinion is that you have to look really close at things regarding DNA. If there are any family "irregular" results that you discuss them with someone who knows the situation without bringing them to your family. That whole discression thing.

I'm glad I could cheer you up!!    

If you have any questions please just ask.

[missmoldavite]

Looks like am going to have a serious discussion with him, if he is up to it.
I have just had a phone call and he's in hospital again tommorrow (kidneys and prostrate)..we are all quite concerned...
Unexpectedly, how true your remark was about the time factor....did not expect it quite so suddenly..  

[Roman_Candle]

Sorry to hear that.

Remember to stay positive because medical reports can be confusing. Don't loose sleep over them and anytime you want to think         just remember
    As people age kidney problems can frequent and serious, but you sound like a really good daughter. So even if you are just there with a shoulder or an outstretched hand for your Dad it will probably mean the world to him.

[AGRBear]

Prayers to you and yours.

When people have so much tragedy in their lives,  if is so very difficult for them to repeat their story.

I'd ask the doctors for their opinion.  And, maybe, they have suggestions to help you.

Wanting to know about your family is important.  In fact,  in our family, because we had traced our roots,  the information saved my uncle when I told his wife, who told his doctors,  about an illness one of our ancestors had.  Turned out it was genetic and the doctor never thought to ask the right question.

AGRBear

[missmoldavite]

Thank you all so much, your advice and help is greatly appreciated. Bless you all!!

Well he's much better.  No more blood in the urine, so we are all quite pleased. Lets hope it stays that way.
I got a little help from an angel or two and its amazing just what the power of prayer and a letter or two can achieve. Quite!!!
Anyway, asked him again about where that picture was taken (I call it the Majic Mushroom picture), anyway he said it was their summer residence, and that he could not recall the name of it. hmmm.
Also he showed me some more pictures. He was discussing his grandfather who built or had built lots of beautiful buildings, in Moscow. Apparently even a monastery(have to find out about that one).
Also, ages ago he mentioned Saint Sophia Haga Cathedral in Russia, and says his great grandfather (I think),
was a financial contributor and paid for renovations/extensions?.

He kept bringing up the name of the Orlovs so maybe he is related or part of that family?.
OH yes and he showed me a picture of where he went to school. I asked him for the name and he told me it was the Palace of Grand Duke Constantin. This was the school where he painted the lions balls out the front of the school red. There was quite a furore about it, as it was in communists times(he would not join the communist party), anyway he ran away from the teachers and got on top of the roof and shimmied down the gutters. The teachers were distraught as they just saw him go over the edge and thought he had died and they were worried about how they would tell his father, that is, until they looked over the edge and saw him on the ground, unharmed.
They were lets say, quite peeved, quite!!!!

Maybe someone here on this forum may recall this story, in their father or grandfather's time.

I must say this traight of "High Jinks"can definitely be traced back to my father, considering all the antics the males in our family get up to. I won't discuss the story of my nephew, who turned off the telephone exchange at a well to do italian hotel some years back.....
or the fascination with lighting fires, and hot discussions about whose turn it is to light the fire (mine of course!)>

[Mike]

This "surprise fountain" in Peterhof was, in XIX - early XX cc., painted as a mushroom: red with white spots. It is still referred to as Gribok (Little Mushroom).