Author Topic: New Romanov-story: When lilacs wither  (Read 1997 times)

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Offline Erika

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New Romanov-story: When lilacs wither
« on: March 27, 2013, 09:58:30 AM »
I have just published the first chapter of my novel "When lilacs wither", a story about the life of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna. I'm actually writing it in my native language, Swedish, but I did a quick translation because I would appreciate some feedback from you guys. Since I translated this in less in an hour, it is possible that the English is quite bad at some places. I apologize for that. I haven't been able to figure out how the format-tools work in wattpad, so there are some strange gaps at places. I hope that you will enjoy my little story (I'm an amateur).

http://www.wattpad.com/story/4827118-when-lilacs-wither

Offline TimM

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Re: New Romanov-story: When lilacs wither
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2013, 12:08:16 PM »
I like what you're written so far, Erika.  Good luck with the rest of your novel.
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Offline edubs31

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Re: New Romanov-story: When lilacs wither
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2013, 02:26:02 PM »
Very nice Erika. I hope to read more as you add to it!

I see you elected to include Rasputin's premonition of the fate of the imperial family. The authenticity of the letter has been greatly debated and is it generally believed to have been the writing of a someone else. Otherwise I wouldn't encourage you to make any substantive changes. The translation seems to have worked very well and it's hard to tell what the Swedish-to-English errors are and what are a small handful of typos you probably made.

You are a very good writer though and I love how you worded many of your descriptions...

"Protesting young boys & girls formed a red wave which swept away everything in its path". "Her whole being exuded a bitter scent of tragedy."

Me likes! Keep it up :-)
Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right...

Offline blessOTMA

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Re: New Romanov-story: When lilacs wither
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2013, 10:15:06 PM »
I absolutely love this and I'm no fan of Alexandra. You  bring out her stubbornness and perhaps her blindness
BUT  you get me  pity her and understand a bit ! That's remarkable    It's a full portait .

It's like one is there.

The fact English is not your first language is helping  you imo because you  therefore bring a formality
to your English  that a native speaker might not...and yet that is exactly  the right tone for the era. It's more believable for it.
 Alexandra would think in this language and other would speak this way

She might say"  I can withstand the truth " The word " handle"  seems  too modern...but it's great . I look forward to more
 

"Give my love to all who remember me."

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