Some funny and not so funny things

[JamesAPrattIII]

I have some period humor which is mostly black humor for you

From "Thou Shalt Kill"

Witte (the Finance Minister) decided to replace gold currency with dynamite since dynamite is streaming into Russia and gold is streaming out

Last evening, his Excellency the Govenor General held a small reception at his residence at which he accepted congratulations from his subordinates on the two week anniversary of his successful command of this area.

The difference between European minister and ours theirs are thrown out and ours are blown out

Due to the increase in the incidence of bank robberies, the mask and costume business are showing large profits a domino mask goes for 60 rubles (rental and A harlequin for more than 80. The administration intends to institute price controls in order to curb the merchants greed.

Bank satire in 1905 in the old days this was a place to safeguard your money

Latvian terrorist exhibit A real live Latvia: A german castle not destroyed and a policeman who has not been shot

Newspaper staffer "The biography of the new Govenor-General has arrived what do I do with it?"
Editor: "Send it to the obituary department"

The police:
1: Go to sites that have been robbed
2:Report all robberies less than an hour after they happened
3; Photogragh all criminals who have disappeared
4:Send the entirely of stolen sums to police headquarters with out delay as material evidence
5: Travel around and ask all inhabitants if they stole money from the bank

The greatest inventor of the century (John ) Browning

A Liberal kneeling in front of Nicholas II: "Your Majesty grant us a constitution or the SRs will shoot."

From Autocracy Under Siege:
Grand Duke Serge after he was assassinated "The Grand Duke had for once been obliged to cast his brain around an issue"

[edubs31]

I always enjoyed this one (and I'm paraphrasing a tad) lamenting to how nothing good had come from the February Revolution...

"What's the difference between Russia now and at the end of last year? Then we had Alexandra Feodorovna but now we have Alexander Feodorovich."

[TimM]

Actually, it was the October Revolution that brought Lenin and his gang of thugs to power.  That's when the horror story called the Soviet Union began.

And Putin admires that horror story?  I think that he, like many of his generation, is looking back through rose tinted glasses.

[Forum Admin]

I like the one from the Soviet times, which I heard from a Russian in Leningrad in 1977:

The only two national newspapers permitted in the Soviet Union at the time were "Izvestia" (The News) and "Pravda" (The Truth).
There is no news in "The Truth" and no truth in "The News"

[Georgiy]

Good one! I remember my Russian lecturer at University telling that one!

[Превед]

The only two national newspapers permitted in the Soviet Union at the time were "Izvestia" (The News) and "Pravda" (The Truth).

There were others too, like the weekly Literaturnaya Gazeta, where you were more likely to find "hints" at news.

There is no news in "The Truth" and no truth in "The News"

В Правде нет известий, а в Известиях нет правды!

[Rodney_G.]

Well, as long as we're relating Soviet era humor (many of these were applicable from even 1918) :
Soviet man/ worker: "They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work."

[Превед]

Well, as long as we're relating Soviet era humor (many of these were applicable from even 1918) :
Soviet man/ worker: "They pretend to pay us and we pretend to work."

Они делают вид, что платят, мы делаем вид, что работаем!

A funny meta joke from the Wikipedia article on Russian political jokes:
Bakground: "Anti-Soviet "propaganda" (herein jokes) was officially a capital offence:

A judge walks out of the courtroom laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't – I just gave someone ten years for it!"

Perhaps it was this one?

An old woman asks her granddaughter: "Granddaughter, please explain Communism to me. How will people live under it? They probably teach you all about it in school." "Of course they do, Granny. When we reach Communism, the shops will be full — there'll be butter, and meat, and sausage . . . you'll be able to go and buy anything you want..." "Ah!" exclaimed the old woman joyfully. "Just like under the Tsar!"

[JamesAPrattIII]

Another Soviet era joke: If a desert country was to go Communist in 10 years they will have a shortage of sand!

[historyfan]

"In America, you find a party. In Russia, the Party finds you!"

(I can't remember where I heard that one.)

[Kalafrana]

Our Russian history lecturer at university in the 1980s was a devotee of Russian and Polish jokes.

You will doubtless know that marching troops should break step when crossing bridges. It is therefore usual to test the strength of new bridges by sending soldiers over them in step. In Poland they always use Russian soldiers for this purpose.

Ann

[JamesAPrattIII]

With the centennial of WW I happening I was thinking how officials would pick a commemorative stamp:

England:
Official 1: How about King George V on a stamp
Official 2: Good idea! but lets pass on his consort
Offcial 1: Yes! Mary of Teck will never be confused with princess Diana
Official 2: How about the Prime Ministers
Official 1: Well Asquith was a decent chap and fairly good peacetime prime minister even he wasn't the greatest war prime minister in history. Many people also have a high opinion of Lloyd George even though some of the things he did were all that good.
Official 2: Ministers and generals. How about that fellow on the recruiting poster "Your country needs you"
Official 1: He's Lord Kitchener of Khartoum. he got the title for conquering the Sudan. this would go down really badly in the Moslem world. Lets face it just about all the ministers and Generals are either too inept or controversial to put on stamps.
Official 2: true this wasn't Churchill's finest hour either. What about the Admirals?
Official 1: Well most Admirals don't come out looking all that good in WW I. However there is a portrait of Admirals of WW I we might be able to use that.
Official 2: I believe I have seen that picture. It might be usable. We will send our recommendations and hope people like them.

[Kalafrana]

Ah James, you forget that inclusivity is the thing in Britain nowadays. Kitchener may have been gay, which will surely be the overriding factor!

Ann

[JamesAPrattIII]

2 US officials discussing  WW I commemorative stamps:
Official 1: President Wilson is a must after all he won the war and passed a lot of progressive legislation.
Official 2: I should point out was not a great war leader or foreign policy president. He was somewhat of a racist and he sent US troops into Mexico in 1916 which the Mexicans are still "upset" over and he sent the marines into Haiti and the Dominican Republic.  Continued the intervention in Nicaragua. and made the US part of the intervention in Russia. So I would say he is not popular with them either.
Official 1: Well he gets good reviews from most American historians
Official 2: Most of whom are democrats
Official 1 Well General Pershing would also look good on a stamp. he looks like he stepped out of central casting and not only was he a great general but he didn't become Republican President like Grant and Eisenhower.
Official 2: True, as for most of the other figures on the US side they are not well known enough to put on a stamp. lets face it most Americans don't know much about WW I


2 French Officials discussing who to put on a WW I commemorative stamps
Official 1: Clemenceu, Foch, Joffre, D'Esperey look like possible candidates for stamps
Official 2: As for the rest they are either too obscure, too controversial, too inept, or ended up in jail.
Official 1 ; Yes, I think we will go with the 4 I picked out and maybe we might 1 or 2 more.

Germany
Official 1 It's almost impossible for us to find any major figure from WW I to put on a stamp. We lost this war and most of the leaders of Germany in WW I either come across as idiots or were Nazi supporters or sympathizers post war
Official 2: I agree.

Austria
Official 1: Forget it! none of the major leaders of the Austro-Hungarian Empire come out looking very good in WW I. Let's face it some of them weren't even Austrian
Official 2: The Empress Zita would look good on a stamp
Official 1; This is a Republic! we can't have an Empress of a former Empire on a stamp. Let's face it Franz Joesph started WW I and his successor Karl really wasn't a great leader and helped destroy his empire.
Official 2: Looks like will have to pass on this one.

[edubs31]

Funny James,

But since when is Grant considered a great American President? Even by Republicans.

Wilson is least popular with Irish and German immigrants but on this issue I give him credit. He won their votes in 1916 by pledging neutrality and tentative support of Irish independence. Then lost it after joining the allies in the war. Understandably Irish and Germans were upset. But was Wildom wrong? We forged a key alliance with Britain that sustains to this day, and opposed the German military machine. They have unfairly taken the wrap for WWI, but they did do much to start and escalate the war as well. What's more there was a very bad generation of German's coming of age at this time. Germany was the father of socialism and a semi-autocracy. So hard to image Hitler, world domination aims and the holocaust?