Vanya, a very warm and lovely description of your bond to the subject/family...thanks for sharing! By the way, there is nothing irrational about having an emotional/spiritual connection to them or anyone else from history who has a story and experience that touches you.
My Romanov obsession can be divided up in three small parts. The first was through my mother around the age of 12. She was in the midst of her own phase having read "Nicholas & Alexandra' (of course!) for the first time. I remember getting some lite reading on the subject and since this was the early-90s there was a flurry of post-Soviet stories, TV specials, etc, on the subject. Of course I was aware of the Anna Anderson mystery as well but never bought into her being Anastasia. I did, however, believe that the Imp had survived, possibly was still alive and living in America but that hardly anyone knew how or where exactly, lol...I even went so far as to read Massie's book tying it in with summer reading requirements for school even though it was a bit beyond my full grasp - lots of big words for a twelve year old with but a standard, ordinary education

My interest faded after about a year but in the late-90s it momentarily sprung up again when the famous Romanov jewel tour came rolling into Wilmington, De (passing over the "Anastasia" movie buzz). I was briefly fascinated again but this was a bit of a false starter as I was reluctant to dig any deeper.
My most recent obsession dates back about a year now although it wasn't until the beginning of
this year that I became a member of the AP and my passions went from a simmer to boil. Hard to say what exactly lit the spark most recently...possibly a more general spiritual reawakening and desire to reclaim certain discarded items from my youth, like Romanov books collecting dust!
I'm with Vanya in that I too am quick to recognize the shortcomings of the Tsar, the Empress and stubborn, conservative, autocratic government in general. I don't dislike Nicholas & Alexandra but I struggle with them and my overall perceptions can shift depending on what I'm reading or who I am listening to at any given time. I'm also careful to recognize and mention 'OTMAA' rather that the entire 'IF' as the objects of my true affection.
All in all it's a combination of things, and my general love of history, that generate powerful emotions inside both good and bad, and draw me to the subject! Sorry to ramble on
