Imperial Claimants...Part 3

[Janet_W.]

Dearest Count Valentin--

Do not be afraid of poetry, then it will not be afraid of you.  

Rule-bending is perfectly acceptable, as in the final line, which beautifully scans with this tweak:

Even for quite a while posthumita.

or . . .

Even for quite a while posthumina.  

U C? Ah, si!  

I personally find Evita a bit of a hussey. But then, who am I to judge . . . aside from being a six foot tall Grand Duchess / Grand Princess who has been jilted at the altar, sung with an all-girl band, and operated a Tijuana pushcart.

Yours for versive
In print or cursive

I remain, d_mnit--

La Professora de Ingles Janet

[Janet_W.]

P.S. Would lovvvvve to hear the two coconuts story, tee hee!    

[Janet_W.]

Dearest Tsar Doug:

I am hoping that in another day or so we'll change from The Girl from Impanena   to Lydia the Tattooed Lady.    

Does that work for you?

Tired of singing "ahhhh," I remain

The GD/GP Janet

P.S. Here are a few verses to get you in the mood.

Lydia oh Lydia, say have you met Lydia,
Lydia, the Tattooed Lady.
She has eyes that folks adore so,
And a torso even more so.

Lydia oh Lydia, that encyclopidia,
Oh Lydia the Queen of Tattoo.
On her back is the Battle of Waterloo.
Beside it the wreck of the Hesperus, too.
And proudly above waves the Red, White, and Blue,
You can learn a lot from Lydia.

P.P.S. Darling Shvibzik, I think you would be perfect for leading us in this song. In fact, might I sugest that you and I star in a royal claimant production of The Philadelphia Story? You may play my darling little sister Dinah. Please say yes . . . the casting would be too too perfect, and I promise you'll be paid in all the cookies and cream your little heart desires. Plus, then we can "Lord" it over everyone else, ahahahahahahaha.

[Shvibzik]

Oh Auntie, you don't have to bribe me with ice cream (although a great bonus ) - how could I refuse?  We are puurfect for the parts, after all.  

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I'm going to have to warm up on my scales - but whom else could be a better teacher than you? - well, besides Julie Andrews herself, of course.

Practicing my Doe's and my Ray's,
Shvibzik      

P.S. Whoops, there went a window.

[Janet_W.]

Dear Claimants:

Please note that I corrected my earlier announcement: We would be staging a royal claimant production, which is certainly far more special than a mere royal production.

My fond niece Shvi has complimented me indeed, comparing me to Julie Andrews. But really, folks, I'm just a simple little six foot Grand Duchess / Grand Princess . . .

Also, could somebody please send over some veggie burgers. T.D. thinks I'm a carnivore, and it's making me a little billious, looking at all that bloody* meat. (The ensalada, however, is splendid.)

Finally, I am so very relieved that my dear twin sister has put aside her bikini. What with the red meat and Lexi's blue skin I had been getting rather white. Yes, I know: The colors of three rather important nations. But really darlings, do we have to go to such lengths to show our patriotism?

The rest of you are behaving with great decorum, so there is no need to address you personally . . . just talk amongst yourselves!

The occasionally verklempt

GD/GP Janet


* Oh dear, I fear that might be censored. But I'm using it as an adjective, darlings, and never in the pejorative sense.

In other words . . . God Bless the Queen and Rule Britannia!

[lexi4]

I am finally beginning to warm up, thaw out and the blue is fading...Not the blue blood of course, just the blue skin.
My dearest sister! I knew you would find a way to put your experience with the singing nuns to good use. A performance! How wonderful. I have to ask, however, will there be flying nun as well? I could have sworn I saw Sally Field the other day, looking for you my sister.
The food here is great but I wold give my pearl necklace for a tamale.

[Count_Valentin]

Dearest GD Janet,
Would love to share the coconut story with you, especially since you know the Lydia lyrics. I once heard a great man by the name of Marx sing that song. Much better than that other pretentious Marx character we hear so much about, with his "opiate of the people" and "controlling the means of production". What an *ss!

In any case, you know how coconuts are a bit furry on the outside? Well, Evita was <whisper whisper whisper...> and then <whisper whisper> and stuck the emerald earrings on <whisper whisper> next to his <whisper whisper> with a warm tube of <whisper whisper> the camel <whisper> sliding in and out <whisper> spilled the gin <whisper whisper> hear the scream halfway across <whisper whisper> collapsed exhausted on the dance floor <whisper> absolutely soaked <whisper whisper> and when she tried to <whisper whisper> the doorknob <whisper> pregnant <whisper> dish soap <whisper> making coffee <whisper> carpet burns on his elbows <whisper> from a catalog!

If you missed any of this, I'm afraid I cannot risk the story in public a second time. Meet me in the confessional and I'll tell all.

[anna]

Well well, whispered conversations in overcrowded hallways.


Anna once a spy always a spy

[Douglas]

Dearest Courtiers:

Someone asked me the other day why I sometimes fly common carrier instead of our private jet.  The answer is this.

We love to mingle with the common folks of the world.  What we do is dress in the costume and effects of the country we land in.

For example:  when we landed in Argentina I was dressed like Juan Peron and GD Anna was dressed as Eva Duarte [who later became the infamous Eva Peron].  

That way we are always are granted a ticker tape parade down high street and main street  in the big cities of each country.  The locals love it, except that sometimes the policia get a little nervous.

Next we're going to be Louis IV and Marie Antoinette when we land in Paris, France.  Then it's on to Germany as der Fuhrer and his mistress, Eva Braun...you get the picture and as I say the locals love it.  After that we fly straight into Baghdad as Saddam and Mrs. Hussein....but that will be for only about three minutes.  The ideas for fun and mystery are endless.  

Do you have any ideas for grand entrances on the international scene...let's hear it.

Tsar Doug...on the road again......

[Georgiy]

You could try Mr and Mrs Rasputin next time in Russia, or maybe Mr and Mrs Putin. Ella and Serge, Alix and Nicky, Sasha and Masha, the possibilities are endless.

[Count_Valentin]

Seems to me that a humorous interlude might be achieved by arriving as Tricky Dick and Pat?

[Tasha_R]

Boris and Natasha?

[Count_Valentin]

I reemember Borees and Natasha! You mean of courrrrse Borees Badenov? I haf forgotten Natasha's last name pleace?

[anna]

Dearies,

You forget Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Julliet, Samson and Delilah, last but not least Mr and Mrs Bouquet or Bucket if you please.
Dougie dear and I will play them all. We'll keep it nice tho', no snake, poison or hair cuts.

Anna off to the make up and wig department.

[anna]

Forgot a famous pair: Mathilda Kschssseek.... and Nijsijnikki, can't get it out of my mouth, well you know who I mean. That dying ssssssswan couple.
We can do them to

Anna