Imperial Claimants...Part 3

[Tasha_R]

Oh, Anna, yes!  I love that pair!

Tashenka

[RealAnastasia]

Dearest Courtiers:

Someone asked me the other day why I sometimes fly common carrier instead of our private jet.  The answer is this.

We love to mingle with the common folks of the world.  What we do is dress in the costume and effects of the country we land in.

For example:  when we landed in Argentina I was dressed like Juan Peron and GD Anna was dressed as Eva Duarte [who later became the infamous Eva Peron].  

That way we are always are granted a ticker tape parade down high street and main street  in the big cities of each country.  The locals love it, except that sometimes the policia get a little nervous.

Next we're going to be Louis IV and Marie Antoinette when we land in Paris, France.  Then it's on to Germany as der Fuhrer and his mistress, Eva Braun...you get the picture and as I say the locals love it.  After that we fly straight into Baghdad as Saddam and Mrs. Hussein....but that will be for only about three minutes.  The ideas for fun and mystery are endless.  

Do you have any ideas for grand entrances on the international scene...let's hear it.

Tsar Doug...on the road again......

 

Dear Tsar:

                   With all my respect:

                    If you want to dress as common people PLEASE DON'T USE CLOTHES OD EVITA AND PERON!!!! Nothing wrong in it, my blessed Souvereign, but they clothed as people of the 1940's-50's! All people in the plane would recognize you...I understand you very well...You are not used to be with commoners. Nor I am, of course, but I try to learn their somewhat...erh...embarrasing way of life. Don't wear those clothes, my Tsar. It's not appropiate. And even if I'm a Peronista myself, it's not good for a Tsar to wear a simple, commoner suit as Juan Domingo Peron wore in the 1940's...The same for GD Anna. Evita's taylor suits are not appropiate for a modern noblewoman like you!

  Bye-Bye!
  RealAnastasia.

P.S: No samba in Argentina! This is a Brasilian Dance. But your poetry is just lovely, my Tsar. It put tears in my eyes! How I admires you! A Tsar and a poet! God Save the Tsar!  

[Douglas]

Dearest Real Anastasia:

Oh my, you are so correct about those old clothes of the 1940's.

When we stepped off the airplane several special agents of the Federale Government of Argentina right away took Anna and myself to a special room for some questions. They served us Russian tea and cookies after they discovered I am the Tsar  and Anna is a Grand Duchess of Harlem.

I was so embarrassed and poor little GD Anna cried a tear at  the table for interrogation.  The nice policeman said that we had committed a crime in Argentina by wearing such common old clothes in public.   He sent us to the judge to pay a fine of one dollar.  I didn't have any cash on me so I just gave them some of our gold chocolate coins from Russia.  They were, well, like little children with delight.

Yes, Anastasia, we had a wonderful parade in Buenos Aires with our 1940's wide lapel suits and Eva's big oversize hat.  Everyone applauded but I must say a few in the back were sort of giggling at us.

But we are having a lot of fun here in our new country of  the Bolero dance.  Is that correct?

Tsar Doug....being shown the city by Anastasia...who has all the right connections.

[anna]

Dearies,

Yes, there was a lot of confusion in the interogation room, but after Tsar D. and I danced a Tango or two and I cried a tear or four they let us go. The name of Pr. Maxima's father was of course a big help.  Although they had to check to which Harlem I belonged. Harlem- New York City or Harlem a little place in QB's tulip land. As a matter of fact I'll fit into both places.

Anna ready for the next dress up party

[Tasha_R]

Things seem a bit quiet here... Folks appear to be resting after the last set of festivities.

Where are we off to next?  I'm simply glad that it isn't freezing nearly as bad as it was with the penguins.

I think I'd like to go off to a warmer climate for awhile, don't you?

Tashenka

[RealAnastasia]

My Dear and Blessed Tsar:

                                            I'm ashamed about my Argentinian Policemen friends! How could them have arrested our GREAT and blessed Tsar and the sweet and bright GD Anna? I will go there and ask for their explanations! How could they do SUCH nasty things?   However, I'm happy that the chocolate coins worked on them...Erh...Do you have some of your delicious chocolate coins? I would like to taste them. I'm not wearing diamonds currently.

                                           Yes...We are resting a little after our Patagonian Party. But what will we do now? I think we have been invited to Tomaselli Caffée in Salzburg. How about that?

                                              Natasha.

P.S: My powerful Tsar...You are not lucky with dances: no Bolero in Argentina. . .

[Douglas]

  
Café Tomaselli Alter Markt 9, A-5020 Salzburg Telefon: 00 43 / 6 62 / 84 44 ... und Titel "Hochfürstlich Hoffbefreyter Caffee Süder und Chocolatmacher". ...
http://www.tomaselli.at/tomaselli.swf

Dear GD Anna, GD Janet, Lexi.  Real Anastasia and the imperials:

I list above the website and address for our next stop on this fabulous world journey for the best coffe en chocolate.

We land in Salzburg in twenty minutes.

GD Anna will be dressed as Tokyo Rose and I will be in my costume as Emperor Hirohito of Japan.

 We will be greeted at the aeropuerto by the two other Axis bad guys Il Duce and Charlie Chaplin dressed as der Fuhrer.  Also Groucho Marx will be there with the secret word.

See you all soon.

Tsar Doug .....looking for Count Valentin and the Imperator.....  and practicing the Tango which I learned in a  saloon in Buenos Aires last week.

PS:.....Oh, I forgot to mention that Anastasia taught us a fantastic but naughty dance called the Malambo.

Oh, oh, it can only be done in an almost dark room and the more smoke the better.  The "Malambo"...... it can make you into a new personna for sure.  I even threw away my Viagra pills.    Oy ve!  Time for a cold shower!

We had the Count bring Natasha some of our Russina Gold coins filled with  milk chocolate...we pack them in a little gold mesh bag.  As you know I spend them all over the world like real money and the locals love it.  After all thats what a Tsar can do.

Malambo.......Malambo....we love the Maaal...aaammm..... bo!  

[Tasha_R]

Ahhh... back to Cafe' Tomaselli, eh?  Viel Gemutlichkeit!  It seems as though I am becoming a regular there.  I'll meet everyone there after a quick look around the Getreidegasse.  I want to see if that Jeweler still has that lovely pearl and sapphire necklace.

I am afraid that I haven't heard from the Count lately as well.  It is possible that either he has gone back to supervise over the building of the new palace he has been working on or that something is afoot with the Countess.

Oh, well... another plane ride back, I suppose.  I do so hate plane travel.  I know it's a strong word, but riding the Imperial railroad is far more comfortable - where one can stretch out a bit.  I even find the dog sled preferable.  I don't know... it's just these things are so like tin cans bobbing about in the air.  I would even prefer sailing - but I'm afraid I simply wouldn't be able to get there in time (unless, of course, the Count might be willing to give me the key to the time machine).

Save some Mozartkugeln for my arrival!  Oh, and you might want to have someone talk to the head waiter in advance.  He might be a bit nervous about our arrival and wonder whether or not he should cover the table linens with plastic sheeting.

Fond regards,
Tashenka

[Tasha_R]

Real Anastasia,

Just a quick note to thank you for your kind hospitality in your lovely country.

Hurry along and join us back in Europe, won't you?

Yours,
Tashenka

[Count_Valentin]

Most blessed Tsar, and Princess Tasha,
My most humble apologies for being absent these few days. I found myself engaged in deepest debate with mathematicians at the Royal University regarding mundane items such as computational complexity, graph traversal theorems, and problem reducibility. Quite esoteric - you know how these mathematicians are. But thankfully our debate has concluded, and I now have their respect, so I am free to return to your enlightening society once again. I am most certainly ready for a visit to Cafe' Tomaselli to consume monumental quantities of chocolate - diamonds be damned!

[Count_Valentin]

A small composition from my time closeted with the mathematicians:

Single-source shortest path
Dijkstra's brilliance Thankfully
Not NP Complete!

Lady Tasha, do you think it would be inappropriate to dance at the Cafe'?

[Janet_W.]

Dearest Claimants:

I believe dear Count Valentin requested the last name of Boris Badenov's partner. That would be Natasha Fatale, dahlings.

And speaking of the dear count, I roiled with laughter regarding the two coconuts story. Likewise, I've one to relate about a couple of mangoes and a banana, but I dare not tell it while the youngest of our set are listening. Perhaps another whisper party in the confessional is in order?

Getting back to Boris and Natasha, if anyone wants someone to dress up as Bulwinkle the Moose, I am your candidate. After all, who else amongst us is six feet tall? Now, if we can only find a flying squirrel. (I can just hear the FAs: "Finding a squirrel among the Imperial Claimants should be rather easy." How very very true, dear FAs!)

By the way, it has been such jolly good fun to sing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" as we fly from capitol to capitol. From time to time even the flight attendants and pilots join in. Such larks we are having, but of course this is all part of being an Imperial Claimant.

The Peripetetic, Warbling, and "Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out of My Hat"

GD/GP Janet

[Tasha_R]

Mr. Count,

Inappropriate to dance at the cafe'?  I suppose not - as long as you show the proper respect. (note above signature)

Seeing as how our party has done worse at the cafe' already, I think some dancing in a small, dark corner to the piano music might be very nice - and even condoned by the management (as they'll probably hope that that's *all* we'll do!).  

Do refrain from trying to whisper sweet Pathagorean theoryms in my ear, however - it would be a waste, as I wouldn't understand a word of it!

The not-quite-so-sure-she's-ready-to-be-Fatale,
but-she-might-be-willing-to-kick-her-heels-up,

The ever-so-proper Princess Tasha

[Douglas]

Dearest Courtiers:  I sent for Professor Zilovski and asked him if Count Valentin was doing his addition correctly.  Prof. Zil responded with the follow Haiku:


Pi Haiku

Pi - ratio of
Around : across a circle -
An endless number?

That's it courtiers, the story of my life....an endless number!


Tsar Doug.....let's see,  I have ten fingers and ten toes...that adds up to ....hmmmmm?  My hat size is 23, add that to my shoe size, subtract 3 and  that's my I.Q.

[Tasha_R]

My dear and supreme Tsar,

I was wondering if you could tell me if that would be apple or razzleberry pi?  The new stove seems to be working fine, and if it is your wish, I would be most happy to make one for you.

Yours,
the try-as-I-might-I'll-yet be-a-good-cook
(aka "never-give-up-even-when-all-hope-is-lost"),
Princess Tasha