Imperial Claimants...Part 3

[Douglas]

Dearest Shvibzik and Courtiers:

The reason that my office door locked is that I am going through the files of the last Tsar and looking for clues as to where he hid the keys to the "gold room".  I know there is a 'safe' here somewhere and it is filled with wonderful diamonds and a few Tsar crowns and tiaras.  I must find the key as know GD Anna wants a new diamond tiara.

Good to see that our dear princess Margarita is dabbling in show business.  As you all know I was in the movie business before I became Tsar.

I can fondly remember my days at Republic Pictures out in what is called  the San Fernando Valley.  We had Roy and Hoppy and all the cowboys in for the making of those wonderful black and white cowboy movies.  Oh the ladies, they were a scandal for sure.  We had Rita, Dale and a host of other ladies of the silver screen over to our home every weekend for dinner by the pool.

I had to leave the Western movies after my horse, Fantasy, got all wound up with a street light while we were making an Our Gang comedy short with Hal Roach.  I was on the horse [ I was Keystone Cop - Charlie] and Spanky and the Gang were chasing  some robbers down Santa Monica Blvd when  I ran right into the electric pole.   What a mess for sure.

I broke my little finger and ended up in the hospital for a month.  It was after that that I went to MGM and appeared with the dancing ladies in the musical extravaganzas of Busby Berkley and Fred.  Those were the days.  In 42'd Street there were over one hundred dancers and you can still see me in the fourth row tenth from the center left right.  Yep, that's me.....a future Tsar.

Now it is just sitting here all day at the palace, being the Tsar.   It is fun but I don't really do anything.

Tsar Doug......playing my old 78's on the Victrola.

PS:  There is currently a Tsaritsa but she is in a convent west of the Urals.

I understand that GD Janet has become famous for writing letters to the local Tsarskoe Selo Newspaper.  She writes about her life as a nurse and running an illegal operation giving M&M's to royals in pain.

[Shvibzik]

Maragrita:  Never mind - I was having a brain freeze from my Cookies and Cream.  It was not in the bookstore, mind you *shifty eyes*.

T.D.: I know there is a Tsaritsa, but who needs her when you have my aunties and us Imperial adolescents?  We're all like a little gift package with a ribbon on top.  

Nighty night, don't let the bed bugs bite,
Shvibzik  

[Janet_W.]

Dearest Claimants:

Well, darlings, I can stand it no longer. It is time for a punctuation lesson . . . namely, the use of the apostrophe!

Not that I'm an expert dialectician and grammarian, but I was--once upon a time--tutored by Henry Higgens himself. So, without further ado:

In the English language, apostrophes are used for two major purposes: 1) to denote possession, and 2) to form contractions.

Now, regarding the latter, I am not talking about anything to do with childbirth. But we English speakers do like to combine our words, i.e., isn't for is not, haven't for have not, and so forth.

On the other hand, to use an apostrophe when speaking of more than one item, i.e. LP's, is not exactly cricket, my dear claimants. So, it is LPs. And DVDs. And BVDs. Unless, of course you are speaking of the BVD's occupant.

Same with M & Ms. Unless you are talking about something they possess, such as "That M & M's color is just waaayyy too gnarly!" (Pardon my jargon.)  

Oh, and of course this rule applies to the punctuation of GD/GPs, when you are speaking of more than one GD/GP. On the other hand, if you are speaking of the GD/GP's tendency to be AR, then certainly an apostrophe is in order.

The worst violation of this concept, by the way, I found not amongst our royal claimant selves, but at a certain Trader Joe's grocery store. (Yes indeedy, "Joe's" is correct, since it is his store!) The major faux pas? A sign that said "Christmas cookie's." I wanted to scream outloud, "Christmas cookie's WHAT?!"

[Dashes glass of cold water on one's self.]

Very well. I have regained my composure. So, taking what we have just learned, to speak of going places means to go to more than one place, soooooo . . . no apostrophe!  

Oh, and 42nd isn't 42'd.  

Enough imperial finger wagging for this installment. See y'all (you all; rather slangish, to be sure, but a valid contraction of sorts) later!

The Nose-up-in-the-Air GD/GP Janet
A Member of the Punctuation Police

[Georgiy]

One is glad that this has been brought up. Whilst one can usually work out what is meant (not mean't!) it is quite frustating at times. One sees at the grocery shop a sign advertising banana's. I suppose it is symptomatic of the times and shows grammar is not taught properly in schools. When we ourselves can't write our own language correctly, have we the right to laugh at and criticise 'Engrish' or 'Chenglish' etc. I remember seeing outside a very well known convenience store chain's local outlet (in Japan) a sign saying "Memorial Christmas", which made me feel a bit depressed! However, I also know that 'memorial' has entered the Jpaanese language and there means something like 'memorable'. Thus you come across photo albums and such like merrily emblazed with logos such as "My happy memorial".

I have organised a charity ball to raise funds to send to the Tsaritsa of the Urals in the form of diamonds and chocolates. You are all cordially invited to my palace tonight at 7PM sharp. The theme is Eliza Doolittle.
Georgiy Imperator

[Margarita Markovna]

Dearest Shvibzik and Courtiers:

The reason that my office door locked is that I am going through the files of the last Tsar and looking for clues as to where he hid the keys to the "gold room".  I know there is a 'safe' here somewhere and it is filled with wonderful diamonds and a few Tsar crowns and tiaras.  I must find the key as know GD Anna wants a new diamond tiara.

Good to see that our dear princess Margarita is dabbling in show business.  As you all know I was in the movie business before I became Tsar.

I can fondly remember my days at Republic Pictures out in what is called  the San Fernando Valley.  We had Roy and Hoppy and all the cowboys in for the making of those wonderful black and white cowboy movies.  Oh the ladies, they were a scandal for sure.  We had Rita, Dale and a host of other ladies of the silver screen over to our home every weekend for dinner by the pool.

I had to leave the Western movies after my horse, Fantasy, got all wound up with a street light while we were making an Our Gang comedy short with Hal Roach.  I was on the horse [ I was Keystone Cop - Charlie] and Spanky and the Gang were chasing  some robbers down Santa Monica Blvd when  I ran right into the electric pole.   What a mess for sure.

I broke my little finger and ended up in the hospital for a month.  It was after that that I went to MGM and appeared with the dancing ladies in the musical extravaganzas of Busby Berkley and Fred.  Those were the days.  In 42'd Street there were over one hundred dancers and you can still see me in the fourth row tenth from the center left right.  Yep, that's me.....a future Tsar.

Now it is just sitting here all day at the palace, being the Tsar.   It is fun but I don't really do anything.

Tsar Doug......playing my old 78's on the Victrola.

PS:  There is currently a Tsaritsa but she is in a convent west of the Urals.

I understand that GD Janet has become famous for writing letters to the local Tsarskoe Selo Newspaper.  She writes about her life as a nurse and running an illegal operation giving M&M's to royals in pain.

I ADORE 42nd Street! Peggy Sawyer on Broadway is my dream role.

[Janet_W.]

Georgiy Imperator, your Eliza Doolittle party is too too divine.



Oops, I mean owww, this is waaay too grand for the likes o'me, guv'nor!

Uh oh, here comes someone dressed up like Edward VII and wielding a sabre.    Some people are taking my apostrophe seminar waaay too seriously.

Moving my bloomin' arse to the avenue I'm takin' you to, I remain

The Tap Dancing, Crooning Like a Bilious Pigeon

GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Dearest GD  Janet:

Sorry for all  the confusion.  I tapped danced  in 42'd Street not 42nd Street.  These  two  films  are rather different.

42'd Street, the one I appeared in, was filmed by Mexicana Films LTD., of Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico in the same year as the MGM  Ruby Keeler send up.

My movie was a  worldwide film noir triumph that caused Cantinflas and Mario Moreno to become  muy famous in Peru.  The whole film was Inca dance tunes set to a Cubano Latin beat with an unknown conga drum player by the name of Desi Arnaz. He later went on to play second banana to a  strawberry blonde named Lucy.

You should have seen the ruffles on our shirt sleeves.  I still wear mine for Carnival in Rio.
again I do apologize for all the confusion...this happens all the time with my films.

Another film that gets all confused is "Gone With The Wind" and the one I appeared in called "One With The Wind" .  It is about a very a handsome hombre who has had way too many beans for dinner. Very dark humor and lots of laughs combined with a murder mystery.

Tsar Doug.......setting the record straight.......

[Tasha_R]

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Tashenka

[Margarita Markovna]

Dearest GD  Janet:

Sorry for all  the confusion.  I tapped in 42'd Street not 42nd Street.  These  two films  are kind of different.

42'd Street, the one I appeared in, was filmed by Mexicana Films LTD., of Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico in the same year as the MGM  Ruby Keeler send up.

My movie was a film noir triumph that caused Cantinflas and Mario Moreno to become  muy famous in Peru.  The whole film was Inca dance tunes set to a Cubano Latin beat with an unknown conga drum player by the name of Desi Arnaz. He later went on to play second banana to a  redhead named Lucy.

You should have seen the ruffles on our shirt sleeves.  I still wear mine for Carnival in Rio.

Tsar Doug.......setting the record straight.......

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA


Do you have this on video?

[Janet_W.]

Oh T.D., was that you I saw up on your palace roof, making repairs, and wearing that ruffled carnival shirt?  

And hey, were you also in Inherit the Wind and Written on the Wind? I believe the imperial monkey was a cast member of the former.  

The GD/GP Janet,
Rather Winded Herself from Chasing After the Ambulatory GD Anna

[Douglas]

Yes, that was the Tsar you saw on the roof making a little repair to a hole  that  was letting rain leak onto the computer. I always dress up for outside work.

Also. I did appear in what is called the "Wind" series of films.  There is even a boxed set available on Amazon.com for $3.50....plus twelve dollars shipping.

My film in the series was Bedtime For Bonzito, with a stand in for Reagan.  Yes, our dear little monkey Rex played the part of Bonzito.  

Tsar Doug.....with a lot of splaining to do.

[anna]

Another film that gets all confused is "Gone With The Wind" and the one I appeared in called "One With The Wind" .  It is about a very a handsome hombre who has had way too many beans for dinner. Very dark homor and lots of laughs combined with a murder mystery.

Tsar Doug.......setting the record straight.......

 

Yes I always thought there was Something in the Wind at the palace, but the Wind blows free, so today we had the Wind in the Willows.

Anna

[Tasha_R]

I can't say that I've seen it PERSONALLY, however I do believe someone once told me that they thought they had seen the Tsar on "Merry Go Round" - a darker version of Carousel.

Best,
Tashenka

[Douglas]

Would one of the courtiers please start an:  Imperial Claimants.....Part 4...........thread as this one is getting too large to load onto the old  computer here at Tsarskoe Selo.

Thank you kindly,

Tsar Doug