Grand Duchess Ksenia and Grand Duke Alexander

[jfkhaos]

Is anyone aware why Xenia and Sandro separated?  With the Dowager Empress' feelings on the issue, did they wait until she passed away to separate?  Thanks in advance!

[grandduchessella]

From what I've read, they just seem to have grown apart, with each conducting their own affairs. I haven't sensed that it was a bitter thing to the extent were they grew to hate each other, just that they were happier living apart and occasionally staying together as a family. Seems a shame since by all reports, theirs was a love match and very passionate at the beginning (with Tsarevich Nicholas writing about how they were behaving very embarrassingly affectionate in front of him) and with Xenia hanging in to marry him despite her parents' reservations. I don't imagine MF was too thrilled, but since she'd already had one daughter divorce, and being a woman of the world, she probably wasn't shocked and just happy they didn't divorce themselves. There's a lot of information about their relationship (naturally!) in Xenia's biography by Coryne Hall which draws on various letters/diaries.

Subject:  Grand Duchess Ksenia to Tsarevich Nicholas, 14 April 1894
Sandro and I are depressed that still nothing has been
decided about the wedding. You must understand, Nicky,
that it's a terrible bore and *quite impossible to
bear*! Please will you mention it to both Mama and
Papa when you return, as they will of course talk to
you about your wedding. You are still only *newly*
betrothed, but when *three months* have gone by you
will also begin to get tired, as I do, and to feel
that it simply *isn't possible to hold back any
longer*, especially when there isn't even any mention
of a wedding.

Subject:  Grand Duchess Ksenia to Tsar Nicholas II, 27 May 1902
... As for Sandro [her husband], I have to admit that
it's very hard for me to be separated from him, I can
never get used to it.

Subject:  Diary of Grand Duchess Ksenia, November 1911
[Sandro was often unfaithful. A nobleman named F. became infatuated with Ksenia, and they began an affair. At the same time, Sandro was having an affair with F.'s wife. These are entries from Ksenia's diaries in November of 1911. Ksenia is writing in Ai-Todor, Sandro's estate in the Crimea.]

13 November 1911
I feel depressed and I'm very annoyed. F. says that
it's time for him to go, he hates it here, that he's
sick of the whole set up and everything. I understand.
But we are also leaving at the end of the week, and
I'm trying to persuade him to leave with us. They have already begun to talk about us. He senses this,  although I have said nothing to him. It's such a pity that he came this year, when everyone is staying here! The fault is ours, but on the other hand, why may we not have whom we choose?

29 November 1911
He went off to pack and at 11 o'clock left for good.
It's sad. but most of all I don't know when we'll see
each other again! We were together for over six
months!

30 November 1911
It's terrible how much I miss F.!

[LisaDavidson]

Like many other couples , Xenia and Sandro probably had a bit more lust than love going for them at first. As these feelings faded, they became friends. According to one of their grandsons, they remained friends for the rest of their lives. It was this friendship which sustained them in times they were apart, and sustained them as Sandro had relationships with other women. (the only affair of Xenia's I know of is the one with F.). Sandro had enormous respect for Xenia, but the respect and the friendship did not always make it easy for them to live together. It was perhaps understandable then, that they often lived apart, in spite of their emotional closeness.

[Joanna]

Reading Sandro's memoirs and the biography of Xenia, I have felt that with Sandro's antipathy to living in St. Petersburg and his sense of confinement with the strictures of being a Grand Duke their marriage would evolve from passion to tolerance. Sandro was the type of man who reveled in the air of the Caucausus. It was a need that eventually led him to paths that he would grasp evoking to him freedom and yet I see today as wasted. Their was so much potential in this man and marriage especially to a daughter of the Tsar restricted him.

Joanna

[Ilana]

Coryne continues to seek the identity of F.[aine]

[Belochka]

King George V's own decision to withdraw Sandro's request to enter England certainly helped to enforce the Grand Duke's separation from Ksenia, despite the fact that he left Russia under the protection of the British.

[jfkhaos]

Being ignorant of this situation, is there a specific reason HM King George V denied Sandro entry into England, and why would Xenia proceed without him?  Did all of their children join their mother in England?

[grandduchessella]

I think there was some kind of blanket prohibition on Grand Dukes entering England (maybe to keep relations with the Soviet govt that GB had recognized?).  I think eventually the children all made their way there--they were "only" Princes.  Reading more of Xenia's diary and Sandro's letters from A Lifelong Passion, it's striking how amicable they stayed--even discussing their respective paramours! It did strike Xenia as "strange" and occasionally upsetting but for the most part they seem to have maintained an unusual, but friendly and affectionate relationship. ALP also notes some of Sandro's restlessness and his need to escape court restrictions through travel.

[LisaDavidson]

All of the Grand Dukes were banned from Britain with the exception of Dmitri Pavlovich. As it has been explained to me, Xenia had nowhere to go, so her first cousin George V offered her a home and her children with the exception of Irina accompanied her there. While he was alive, Xenia would go to France to see her husband. They did remain close for the rest of his life, and I've found it sad that Cousin George could not find a way to allow Xenia's husband into the country.

[Belochka]

The reason why George V refused all Grand Dukes to enter England was because there was an increasing movement towards the idea of republicanism in England. A concept no doubt influenced by what was happening in Russia. It was felt that any Russian G.D's presence would appear to be have been influenced by the King.

It was the British Home Office's policy to allow only refugees in small numbers who could support themselves, especially those who could bring in commercial trade.

The Royal refusal came about despite the fact that Russia was an ally during WWI, and despite the close familial connections. Cruelly, the Foreign Office had little sympathy for the fate of the many old Imperial Russian subjects.

Ksenia's decision to remain in England was based on her belief that her three sons would receive a better education. Importantly her sons did not bear Grand Ducal titles and therefore it was politically acceptable for them to live with their mother.

Despite the physical separation of Ksenia and Sandro they were united in death at the Robequebrune cemetery in France on April 29, 1959.

[Jim1026]

Like many other couples , Xenia and Sandro probably had a bit more lust than love going for them at first. As these feelings faded, they became friends. According to one of their grandsons, they remained friends for the rest of their lives. It was this friendship which sustained them in times they were apart, and sustained them as Sandro had relationships with other women. (the only affair of Xenia's I know of is the one with F.). Sandro had enormous respect for Xenia, but the respect and the friendship did not always make it easy for them to live together. It was perhaps understandable then, that they often lived apart, in spite of their emotional closeness.

???If my memory serves me right, I seem to recall that on at least two occassions Sandro asked Xenia for a divorce but that she always said she would have to confer with her priest.  I think that was in one of his bios he penned.

[Annie]

Coryne continues to seek the identity of F.[aine]

Not meaning to gossip of course;) but any chance F. might be Felix Yussoupov, not the younger, her future son in law, but his father? He did not seem the loveable type and I would not suspect this except that Sandro was also having an affair with F's wife- a noble wife swapping of sorts- and from what I've read Sandro had a crush on Zenaida from the time he was a boy. Could it be?

[Ilana]

Annie, I think F. was an Englishman.

[Annie]

Annie, I think F. was an Englishman.

I never knew that. I had just always heard him referred to as a 'nobleman.'

[Martyn]

Annie that is a wonderful suggestion, I almost wish it to be true!
Without wanting to become too salacious, it would have been a very glamorous affair, Sandro and Zenaida, Xenia and Felix senior, all of them terriby attractive.
Sadly, I think, as someone else has remarked, "F" was an Englishman.
Is it  the case that Xenai was romantically involved with Prince Dolgorouky?