Imperial Claimants...Part 4

[Shvibzik]

Well, exuse me!

Just because I'm short is not an exuse to overlook me.  I can act when I want to, after all, I did star as a Lollypop League girl once (and it wasn't in the original film, either.  I'm not THAT old ).

Head High And Not the Least Bit Full of Herself,
Shvibzik [hmph]

[Douglas]

GD Janet, you are such a dear.  All you have to do in my new movie is play the piano forte upright style on the set of my film.  The part does call for blackface but that is up to you.  I hope that is alright.  The tune you play is called Time Does Go Bye  I wrote it myself.....all very original.  Now, if that is not what you want to play just write a new song and we will see if it fits the script.  You are a real talent so I am sure you will write a great tune using both black and white keys for a change.

GD Anna:  Thank you for the compliment on my script.  As for your price to play this very easy part.....hmmmmm, let's see, how about the same as that other old film paid you  in 1943 dollars or Euros?  Cool, huh?  Same is same.


Robby:  Cool, huh??

Tsar Doug........writing new scripts on old themes....do I see an Oscar in my future?   See at the  Academy on Oscar night.

[Janet_W.]

Dear T.D.:

How about a slight variation on the suggested song--, i.e., "Toodle-oo to Time," in the key of A minor?

Other alternates could include "Does Your Chewing Gum Loose It's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight" and "How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Never Loved You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life."

I think you'll agree that both have great potential as classic romantic ballads.

Your Honkytonk Playin' Pianola Gal--

The GD/GP Janet

[Janet_W.]

 P.S.   T.D., I think you'd better employ Shbvizik or she's likely to confiscate every visa in town and fly off in that plane and leave the rest of us stranded. Oh, the humanity.  

P.P.S.   I have some great lines of dialogue to be plugged into your Oscar-winning script:


"Play it again, Sammy-wammy."

"I came to Casablanca for the yoga."

"You'll have to drink for all of us."

"The problems of three people don't amount to a hill of caviar."

"Here's lookin' at you, poopsie-woopsie."

[Margarita Markovna]

When does filming begin?

[Douglas]

GD Shvib:  You are in the film...don't worry....just show up next Saturday at 5 AM.....filming begins at noon.

GD Janet:  Great lines....I love it.  "Here's lookin at you, Poopsie".....with that line YOU are hired as script rewrite girl!

Tsar Doug.........setting table for 500 tonight for pre-filming
dinner.

[Robby]

I wanna be in it!
And Anna, ofcourse I will be your costumedesigner.

[Douglas]

Robby......you're in the movie.  

I have decided to change the location to another country.  Seems like the city of Casablanca is all booked up for the season.

We may film in Kyoto, Japan in the old Imperial Palace.  Of course we'll all have to be made up  Japanese style with white rice power makeup rather than the original blackface.

Tsar Doug........preparing script in Japanese.

If this does not work out we may have to move to Egypt near the pyrimids and do it ancient Egypt style.

[Margarita Markovna]

Ooooh who can I play?

[Janet_W.]

How about Tasmania and we can all be Devils.

The Angelic GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Dearest GD Janet:  Are you making fun of me?  Here I am working my butt off trying to get you into the movies and I hear jokes about Tasmania and so on.

I am telephoning all over the world to find a place to film this wonderful classic film extravaganza.  

I am also having to transport your huge piano by  plane from place to place.  All this just so you can play your tunes pianola style in this film.

Also I have to have the set crew cut out new tall, very tall doors in all the sets so that you can walk through without hitting your head.  I tell, you this costs a lot of extra money.

Plus I have ordered a deck chair with your name on it.  What more could anyone want?

 You are going to be a star just as famous as  Dale Evans was, along with her horse Buttermilk.  Do you want a horse also?  Just say the word and this can be provided.

Tsar Doug.....trying to keep the GD's happy and well cared for in the desert.



PS:  The film will be done in a great process called Cinerama.  Cool, huh?  Also, Hi-Fi.  All of this is costing me a bundle.

[Janet_W.]

I, Tsar Doug?! I make fun of you? My dear fellow!

I especially appreciate the fact that you are working your posterior off. Just think: Now you can wear all those slim-hipped styles.

Speaking of posteriors, I do hope my chair includes GD/GP on it. Otherwise I shall take that upon which I sit to your rival film producer.

And yes, I am thrilled that I will be as famous as Dale Evans. And yes indeedy, I would love a horse, though definitely of the non-stuffed variety.

The Cinerama and Hi-Fi sounds peachy-keen. Might I also ask if it will be in Glorious Technicolor, Breathtaking Cinemascope and Stereophonic--as an extra tonic--Stereophonic Sound?! And do I get to play Josephine?

I have my song all rehearsed:

Jo-oh-oh-sephine
Commonly called Jo
Was a throbbin' robin
Poor but chic
Born in ultry sultry Martinique
Where she rose to reach the highest peak
Why so?
'Cause she had agitatin' eyes
Something something* thighs
Lubricatin' lips
Undulatin' hips
A figure simply swell
Plus other good points as well
Man, she was real cool
And low.

Ready for the second verse?

Your Little Six-Foot Ninotchka--

The GD/GP Janet

* Sorry, I fergot.   :-/

[NAAOTMA]

Dear Tsar Doug,

My dear husband, Baron vonCrankypants, just handed me a fax. It somehow came here to the Mauve Dacha instead of to your palace. It contains permission from the Government of Peru to film something called "Somewhere Over The Andes"...and says that there are no bluebirds in Peru. If you want bluebirds, you need to bring them along. Don't know what this means, but thought you should receive the information post haste...

Caio for now, GD Melissa and the dear doggies

[Douglas]

Thank you GD Melissa for the warning about the bluebirds.  I will have some parrots dyed blue and sent to the film set tomorow.  

GD Janet:  those lyrics are well, what can I say.  I used to think that Cole Porter wrote cool songs but you my dear have trumped him in spades.  I do believe that they are about to put a star on Hollywood Blvd. with your name on it.  Will you be able to attend the gala event?

GD Anna:  are able to appear in the new film?  Your name in the script is Miss Snow M.  White.  Is that OK?  We need to know as soon as possible.

Tsar D........working his fingers to the bone.

[Janet_W.]

Dear T.D.:

Funny you should mention darling Cole.  For years he and I collaborated on many a song, and needless to say it was simply The Tops. Then he was given a special assignment: To take a story about a Russian spy visiting Paris and set it to music.  Given my imperial claimant background, he asked me if I could help out, and naturally I said "Da!" We began when he asked me why I had been banished from Moscow. I told him my banishment was too bad, but too good to be true. Then I demonstrated a dance I had choreographed which I called "The Red Blues." Finally I showed him what it had been like to change out my old Soviet cotton undies for French silk. ( Not the pie, you understand, tho' I shall be happy to have one of those delivered to you posthaste.) I even invented a dance to illustrate the process. And the rest, as they say, is musical theater history.

Now, as for a star on Hollywood Boulevard, I am afraid I will have to decline. Until they can prevent people from removing those stars--might I suggest a double application of Elmer's Glue?--I really do not care to participate. Imagine my star showing up on E-Bay. Harrumph.

Finally, if we are to work in the Andes, I really do insist on the very highest grade of llamas to take moi and my entourage to the film site.  This may be difficult for you; High Llamas are very rare, you know.

In the meantime, please take care of those poor boney fingers of yours. I have these visions of J. Montgomery Burns; do say it isn't so.

She Who Knows Those In High Places--

The GD/GP Janet