The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants

[Greenowl]

...and all that fuss about dear Eulenspiegel leaving a terrible mess after perching on one of Tsar Doug's gate lamps!! Hoo Hoo, Hoo Hoo!

[Douglas]

I finally found the key and unlocked the door of the toilette de GD Janet.  Is she still in there?  Does anyone know if she has left the house?  Maybe someone can send her  a text msg. 

[Janet_W.]

Dear Greenowl:

Yes yes, I understand dear, but I did not mean to ruffle your feathers . . . it's not my fault that I was locked in the Tsarkoe water closet all this time. And I do have the sneaky suspicion that T.D. was at fault, since he knew I was running for Tsarina of Tsarkoe. Now that the primaries are over with, however, I guess I'll just have to wait until the next election.

In the meantime, here's what happened: My modern mechanic arrived at the water closet window, unfastened a few hinges (oh baby oh baby!) and out of tremendous gratitude I invited him to my shloss. So he is now my houseguest, and in between getting to know each other a bit better he is giving my Rolls Royce Silver Ghost a tune-up and fixing a leak below the shloss kitchen sink. As Ms. Mae West once said, "A good man is hard to find"--or words to that effect, tee hee!

Must go--modern mechanic wants to take photos of yours truly wearing all of her hats and feathered boas, and to cut down on changing time he says that's all I'll need to wear. Tee hee!

From one fine feathered friend to another, I remain

The GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Now it's apparent to all of the locals that our once dear GD Janet has gone down that slippery sloped road to feathers and boas.  She'll probably want me to make that modern mechanic prince of the realm.  Well, I won't do it.  Absolutely not.  He's just a golddigger from the movie of the same name.  I should know, because I played in that film in the 1930s.  How else do you think I got to where I am now.  Tsar and ex-movie star of the silverscreen. I gave up my career for all of Russia.

Well, dear Janet...it's up to you now.  What'll it be.  Royalty or an understudy to Mama Loco of YouTube?

Tsar Douglas......standing on principles of my good upbringing in Hollywood.  At least the denizens have morals in that lovely city by the sea.

[Janet_W.]

'cuse me, T.D.?

Sorry, I've been a bit busy . . .  . . . what was the question?

The Happily Exhausted GD/GP Janet

[Lucien]

My Dear Gentlemen:

The answer is easy. You've ordered some reading material for me; on that same order, simply add on one or two chamber pots for yourself. That should neatly take care of the problem . . . well, perhaps not neatly, but . . . um . . . ahem!

Looking forward to that modern mechanic (oh baby oh baby)--

The GD/GP Janet, ever busy with my toilette

"Busy with my toilette....".Bet you will be after you've met the modern mechanic dearest dear,SHE ran past me when I was going down the main stairway....Suppose the person you'd met is a wacko fako mon cherie....but no doubt one with a golden touch and the latest scream in ruffling your feathers...

Oh ah,scusa,but...the Grandduchess has already left the powderreum,I said...No problem came the reply,she's back in in a swiffy....hmmm,a
tat too modern to my taste dear.Everrything is these days,I just purchased flip-flops,blue velvet,ofcourse,after the movie Dougie dear starred in a few years ago...Who could have thought of that a while ago,me on flip-flops....times do change,oeh,thought I saw TD riding by.....on horseback?

Ow Good Lawd safe us!He just auditioned for `Bringback Mountain Part 2,What Really Should Have Happened`starring as the lonely loveble Tsar with the bedroom eyes who goes chasing in the Mountains and came Back Broke with another bloke...or something along that line.....
Oh dear,have to have a cuppa and let it all sink in....

[Douglas]

Dearest Count Lucien:

I don't recall working in the hollywood film called Springback Mountain.  The movie was Rebecca of Sunnybroke Mountain.  In one memorable scene I had to kiss  Rebecca. The horse reared back, I fell off and landed on one of the grooms.  He was foolishly standing around the movie set hoping to be discovered by the director.  Whatever.  In the final movie,  the scene was left in by the editing department, who was intoxicated, and the rest is hollywood legend.  It was all an accident.  I swear. 

People can say what they like but I believe in a large standing Russian Army.  If I catch them lying down I avert my eyes and give new orders to the colonel of the guard.  I wonder about him also,   but I digress from my imperial duties as leader of the church.

Rebecca and I are still the best of friends.  She and GD Janet are always comparing notes on their new beau.  Gd Anna is planning her comeback to the imperial court.

Tsar Douglas......here there  and everywhere

[Janet_W.]

Really, T.D., what poppycock! Rebecca and I never compare notes regarding our beaux. Naughty, naughty Rebecca. She and Mrs. Danvers were ever the pair . . .

But say, that bit about GD Anna returning to court is bully! I must call her on my 1968 pink princess phone and see if we can do lunch.

Back to my modern mechanic--

The ever-elegante GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Yes, GD Janet, I believe you refer to the film I was in with my old friend, W. C. Fields.  It was originally called Daddies and Ladies but was later changed to Poppy. I met Mae West on the set and we had lunch at the canteen at Paramount or was it Republic.  I don't remember.

Once I went up to see Mae West at her highrise apartment on Vine Street in Hollywood.  I gave her a small diamond ring and she tossed it on the dresser.  Oh well, what ever.
She could be very naughty with handsome young men.     Of course I filled the bill at that time.  She really knew how to 'entertain'. 

Tsar Douglas.....now my life is filled with my worries of the Russian people that I love dearly

[Janet_W.]

Dear demented--um, I mean tormented--T.D.:

Let me come visit you today. Perhaps we could enjoy one of your renowned tea parties, and I have some dear dear friends who would just love to come along as they have a lovely white jacket for you to try on.

Yours for mental health,

The Right-As-Rain GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Dearest Imperialists:

I am concerned about our dear GD Janet.  First she locked herself in the royal loo for weeks on end and then she ran off with that modern mechanic that I paid to have her unlocked.  Now she wants to have a fashion show in my private apartment of the palace.  I just don't get it..........  what to do?

Tsar Douglas........not wearing white this summer.

[Janet_W.]

Do, Tsar Doug? Why, have the servants set up all your best tea things, that's what!

The GD/GP Janet, Fashion Maven Extraordinarre

[Douglas]

Oh, yes....the Imperial family has a fashionista.  She goes by the nom de plume....Princess.    Sure, come to the palace for high tea any old time.  Besides, the tea service is state property.  I own nothing.   

Tsar Douglas.........renting out rooms to help pay the bills around here. Our motto is ..."Live Like Royalty"

[anna]

BREAKING NEWS

Tsarskoe Daily news reports: Mysterious woman identified as the lost GD Anna.

From your royalty watcher: Vassili Vassilovitsj Knowsalljevski.

Yesterday, a mysterious woman who hide herself several months in the attic of the palace was identified as the lost GD Anna by her secretary Zoya Hilariouskaya.

Part one: The Lady Vanishes.

A few months ago GD Anna vanished from the palace without leaving a trace. When the GD disappeared leaving all her precious bling behind, the Tsar and the Imperial family realized something terrible happened to her as she would never ever set foot out of the palace without her bling.
The Imperial bloodhounds searched the palace grounds and nearby villages, especially the ones owning a taco-stand, unfortunate without any result. A certain Mr. Poirot, a strange egg-headed Belgian, offered his services to court to investigate this very mysterious case.

A very distressed Tsar Doug decided after long heated debates with family and the minister of entertainment not to bring the disappearence into the media. There was reason to believe after announcing the sad news devoted hysterical fans of the GD would gather before the palace gates or/and set up camp in the palace gardens.“We simply don’t have enough zoop”, a court member stated. GD Anna is not only a royal trendsetter she is also a famous actress, balletdancer, singer and virtuoso balalaika player.

For the outside world Tsar D.and family went on as if nothing had happened, they kept on giving lavish tea parties and played hide and seek in the gardens, “the show must simply go on” another court member stated, though privately they went nuts from grief.
Tsar D. was seen by servants wandering through the palace corridors wearing GD Anna’s bling and courtdress sometimes even wearing her white negligé trimmed with Brussels lace. Occasionally servants found a sleeping Tsar curled up before GD Anna’s bedroom door. GD Janet locked herself in the royal loo for weeks trying to get in touch with GD Anna leaving messages on her mobile phone “GD phone home”.
Alas no answer.

Tomorrow part two: Interview with Zoya Hilariouskaya.
Her own words; The zoopmaid was my mistress.

Tsarskoe Daily - where news is royal and royal is news

[Douglas]

Let me say this.  When you are the Tsar you  have to do things to please the courtiers and the public.  The public is the most scary but the various members of the family can be very demanding. 

When I go to the gillie ball at Balmoral I  have to wear that skirt thingy.  All the men do.  Even the Queen wears that darn costume.  So when I'm back at my very own palace I do on occasion wear the various items left by certain members of the court.  I only do this to get in touch with their spirit.  Don't any of you get any silly ideas otherwise.

  This purely for scientific reasons.  Remember I'm a part time doctor and scientist.  The experiment with GD Anna nightie was a success.  It only took three minutes and now I hear a rumor that's her secretary has spotted her nearby in a disguise of some sort.  She was wearing a man's tie for some strange reason.  Oh well, it's really none of my business.  I'm sure she can explain everything.

Tsar Douglas.........not wearing AXE ever.  Ask any teenage boy....he will know what AXE is.