The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants

[Douglas]

Dear Zecharia:

Thank you SO much for the location of that spa.  You just never know where that other Tsar will show up.  As they say, he's all over the map.  I have to keep a close eye on him at all times.  I never know where the four Grand Duchesses are either.   They are so naughty.  What should I do?

You are welcome to have the official title of Imperial Keeper of the Maps if you so desire.  That estate is now vacant.  Oh yes, it comes with a little palace, 200 thousand acres of land  and 4000 serfs.    Plus there is a house staff of countless wonderful people to take care of your every need.    Of course you would have to pay the staff from the sale of lavender flowers.  That's all that they grow there.   You know, the perfume flowers.   Don't forget my taxes Count Zech.

Be well courtiers until I return from my health cure.

Tsar Douglas.........I understand that GD Anna is lost somewhere in  upper Russia.

[Janet_W.]

What Ever Happened to the GD/GP Janet? Vy dahlinks, I am right here!

Of course I am most concerned about our lovable GD Anna. And I do hope she will be wearing more than her Josephine Baker bananas, as it has been my experience that even in August the weather in dear, dear Москва can be a bit on the chill side. It will be most interesting to follow her travels, and I hope she will stay in touch with us whenever possible. But please, we must warn her to have a care . . . No ending up in any gulags, okay, dear dear Anna?

Yours for travel--and I am a most well-travelled GD/GP, nudge nudge wink wink--

The GD/GP Janet

[anna]

Janet dearie,

Darling I'm not lost yet, ze pleeen will take off next saturday. Zoya is hysterical because of all the open trunks with dressess, furs and jewels lying all over the place. I kindly asked her...according her contract its forbidden to command since 1918, to pack the few things I wrote on a six page  little list. I don't see the problem, servants are soooo demanding these days.

My disguise as the woman in red isn't the right choice "Let sleeping dogs lie" know what I mean? No, this time I depart as "Anna, maiden of Holland" dressed in our national red-white-blue , and I arrive as "Ninotchka, maiden of Russia" dressed in white-blue-red (zoya is handy with siccors).
Dearie, don't worry I drink Vodka, laugh and dance like a cossack so they need a big Boris to get me in a gulag. Of course I only mingle with nouveau riche.

Anna......aka Ninotcka the face on each bottle of Vodka.

[Douglas]

GD Anna is now a 'maiden'?  How did that happen?  I know she went to the gypsy for  palm reading and horoscope but she had her innocense revamped also? 

Being a man, I guess I just don't understand these things.  Then she relates that she leaves as a 'maiden' and arrives as 'Ninotchka'.  I'd really like to know just what happened on that plane at thirty thousand feet altitude.  You know how get gets with that vodka and her  corps du guards.  It's usually a scandal  and I have to pay a lot of money to cover up.

Anyway glad to see that the GD Janet is her usual pure and divine self.   Not too much tarnish and rust  around the edges.

Tsar Douglas......I told you  those GDs can be naughty.

[Janet_W.]

Darling T.D., don't you remember what Oscar Levant said of Doris Day? "I knew her before she was a virgin." (Tee-hee!)

You are sooooo right, T.D.  . . . as a man you simply cahn't understand these things. But never you mind your cute little imperial claimant  head. GD Anna and I are fully in charge. (Tee-hee!)

My one concern is which Ninotchka will GD Anna be? The classic Garbo incantation, or the 1950s singing and dancing Ninotchka portrayed by the equally fabulous Cyd Charisse? As for myself, I plan to be there too, as the especially fabulous swimming star Peggy Dayton. You know . . . the one who answers questions about Tolstoy with "There's no truth to the rumors, we're just good friends."  You'll recognize me easily; I'll be the one wearing the all-black bustier, garter belt and (of course) silk stockings and high heels. With a few hot pink rosettes as accents.

Yours for silk and satin that can flatten any Latin (tho' it seems to me that's not exactly the objective)--

The GD/GP Janet

[Valmont]

So, It is no surprise to me ( and everyone else) that after reading all this, the Claimant to the French Throne  left the forum so fast he did not even turn the computer off. That means that  the engagement weekend is off and I'm stuck with a weekend with an opera night, an Imperial ball and nothing to do by laying down by the pool with tons of food and wine just for myself.. Thank you very much!!!..
 I hope to watch the filming TD does of our beloved Ninotchka dancing on the streets of St. Petersburg, while GD/GP Janet amuses the crowd with her exotic outfit (whip included)....I do hope they do not get into any trouble and call in the middle of the night asking for bail money...Now, if you excuse me, my Piña Colada is calling me.... and I have some phones to unplug...

The "reach out & touch" Tsar valmont...

[Douglas]

Drinkin rum and Coca Cola....All day long we swing and sway......cha cha cha .....Oh, sorry I guess I got a little carried away there.  Yeahha.

  When I came back to the palace the other day the two Princes were  Live on Stickam and talking to their friends.  I learn so much from the younger genration.  I even learn their secret Internet language.  ROTFL, CuL8ter,  ewww, there are tons of em.  Of course when I come home only the dog greets me.  The GDs are nowhere to be found as usual.  GD Anna is packing 65 steamer trucks for her junket to Europa.  She's going deep, deep into the dark heart of an ancient land.  Alas her homeland....  Russkia.  I await her arrival with plates of ham and sausage. 

Tsar Val, the wunderkinda, is so beside his endless horizon pool that he hardly misses his yellow parrot when she flys off her perch and lands on my head.  Oh well, that's what being  royal is all about.  Collecting seashells and looking into the mirror.  Hmmm.

The GD Janet.....would someone, anyone please tell us why she always wears  two or three types of perfume AT ONCE?  I mean, really, the clash of aromas is about to set off the smoke alarms in the salon.

Tsar Douglas........where is that new maid.....I call her "Suzetteska ...my little bombshell".   Maybe that isn't the right name though?

[anna]

T.D. and uncle Valmont dearies, how many times do I have to explain what goes on in a GD’s mind? Now listen very carefully I shalll say this only once:

GD Manual (look not touch)- diffrences between Tsars and GD’s:
We use our brains efficiently. i.e The GD behind the throne, GD’s wearing pants at the Palace.
T.D. and uncle Val. come from Mars, GD’s from Venus. They often lie, GD’s buy bling and send the bill to T.D. They are sooo predictable, GD’s luckily are not so have more fun.
GD’s are able to do different things at a time. At offical state dinners a GD talks about politics with the dull duke next to her while thinking of what to wear at tomorrows ball, wink at handsome servants, examine other ladies dresses and give a naughty old prince a punch in his stomage for touching her knee under the table. We have fun while T.D. falls with his face in his zoop of boredom.

The very efficiently brained, packing 65 trunks and doing her foot nails at the same time..... GD Anna

[Janet_W.]

Darling GD Anna--or should I say Ninotchka?--

I'm sure we all wish you the very best as you travel incognito through Russia with your 65 steamer trunks. Also, I do hope your toenails have dried by now . . . so very inconvenient to be walking through airport security with little tufts of cotton sandwiched in between one's toes.

As for myself, in anticipation of my own travels I have been packing the very last of my Peggy Dayton costumes--my own incognito/alias--though the fishtail outfit is proving rather difficult to fold. Ah me. Such are the perils of Imperial Claimants traveling abroad as commoners and/or comrades. I do hope Tsar Doug, Uncle Val and all the other Imperial Claimants appreciate the trouble we are going to . . . for them and only for them, of course!

The Already Well-Traveled GD/GP Janet

[anna]

GD Janet dearie,

My toenails have dried I am ready to go.

Send me photos of you in your Peggy Dayton costume, I will make flyers of them and let Zoya distribute them in St.Petersburg and Moscow.

I have to run the limousine is waiting to take me to the airport.

All my love to you, Tsar Doug and Uncle Val. Be good weeones and don't do anything I wouldn't do. See you in about two weeks.

Au revoir.

GD Anna...........RRRRRRussia here I come.

[Douglas]

Thank goodness that GD Anna had her palace all stocked up with food  so that Prince N., Tsar Val  and I have enough to eat.

GD Anna ....see when you return and bring us some ice cream from Russia. 

Tsar  Douglas

[Valmont]

"PRINCE N"? ? ? ? ... Who is "PRINCE N"? ? ? .. I know no "PRINCE N"? ? ? ?
Doug, Have you been visiting that Darkroom again???

The "Always in the spotlight" Tsar Valmont

[Robert_Hall]

His Lordship, The Imperial Grand Prince and Chancellor of the Forbidden City, in exile, of the T'ang Dynasty and  Count of the Court of the late Emperor Norton of San Francisco   appears before the exalted company of the Court of Tsar Douglas. Bearing gifts of baskets full of rubies, emeralds and saphires [sorry, all out of diamonds at the moment] Perhaps you can get that little jeweler, Faberge, is it, do whip something up for your amusement. Upon acceptance of our credentials [bribes]  we shall observe the workings and functions of   this  Court and participate as warranted, at your pleasure.
 Champagne cocktails for everyone!

[Janet_W.]

Mon Dieu!!! Emperor Norton, informally known as "Prince N" to we Imperial Claimants, has died?!? Tis a sad, sad day. All the same, we welcome his emissary, The Imperial Grand Prince and Chancellor of the Forbidden City, also known as Prince N, to our Imperial Claimant court. Especially since he is the bearer of baskets of rubies, emeralds and saphires. (And we are most certainly taking a raincheck on the diamonds.) Please make yourself at home, dear Prince N, and thank you ever so much for the charming [hic!] champagne cocktails.

The Ever-Bubbly GD/GP Janet

[Douglas]

Greetings and cheers for the newly arrived Grand Prince [pssst? what's his name?....oh...OK].......Step right up and begin making your presense known to all of the realms herein and hereout.

Yes, I am well acquainted with your forebearer that Norton of San Francisco,  Wasn't he King and Emperior of North America and all of the territories here, there and beyond the Wall of China?  Doesn't matter now, we all like his toasted snacks.

Thanks so kindly for the jewels and such.  That really wasn't necessary but you can rest assured it will be taken into consideration.  Don't worry about the diamonds right now, we have a lay-away plan here at the palace.

How do you like the new drapes?   

Tsar Douglas..............what's this?,....my glass is empty!