The 8th Thread For Imperial Claimants

[Douglas]

Gd Janet...no, no, it's not the Yellow Brick road we want,...... we want that other Judy, Judy, Judy.

Faux gems, pave paste, pancake makeup, implants, glass eyes, scagliola, 99 Cent Store Fabrege, royal replicas., margarine ....what is the Imperial court coming to?  The whole enterprize is as fake as a three ruble  note.

 I was even offered a 'Rolex' the other day when I visited that city I own called Ciudad Tijuana.

Tsar Douglas.....absolutely authentic.

[Janet_W.]

As I've said, T.D., we Imperial Claimants are a plucky lot and do all we can to survive in this world while we wait for the courts to declare us genuine. So if Lord Robert wants me to sing for my supper while riding on a trolley, by golly that's what I'm a-gonna do!

The GD/GP Janet, The Ultimate Survivor

[Douglas]

Yes, I do know that most of the imperial claimants are the real thing....like in the Coca Cola ad from the 1980s.   Remember when Glenn sang that jingle? 

Did you hear about GD Anna?  Oh my gott, she was taking some photos around the palace the other day and she accidently was standing on the fresh concrete patio area I had made.  Well, I am sure you might guess.  She got stuck in the wet cement and is still standing there.   Three days now.  Should we  just make a plaster cast of her and call it 'art'.? 

I do know that Lord Robert is into bronze statues of various types but would he go for Anna Banana a la Bronzella?

Tsar Douglas.............standing still as a statue for my portrait.  There's a fly on my nose.

[Janet_W.]

T.D., you dear old kazoo. I know, you were setting up an Avenue of the Tsars, weren't you? And GD Anna was first to immortalize her footprints. But the cement was just a tad too sticky--a bit like the La Brea Tar Pits, in fact--and now poor dear GD Anna languishes like Lot's wife. I understand, however, that her newest (forgive me) release, "Please Release Me," has made it to the Top Ten with a bullet. Paging Dick Clark and Casey Kasem!

The GD/GP "That's Show Biz" Janet

[Robert_Hall]

Heavens, are those 2 fossils still alive?
 Anyway, I am happy to reports that 2 lovely sterling buckets  full of first quality diamonds are on their way to TD's court, to replenish his treasury.  One is actually intended  for GD/GP Janet. To assist in financing her upcoming stage career.  Sorry, we have opted to have Stephen Brinberg as our dear friend's opening act. He does an uncanny Barbra Streisand,  And as the real Barbra practically unobtainable [also her prices are  nothing less than extorion]  he will do nicely.  He also happens to be in London at the right time, saving us travel expenses.
 Sad to report, the Emperor T'ang-in exile is now totally confined- I did not know they even made straight jackets and padded cells anymore. Pending diagnosis and sentencing, I am now assuming full and absolute control of the T'ang Imperial Court of the Forbidden City in Exile. The Emperor does look a bit stunned, to say the least, but drastic measures simply had to be taken. As a result of my decisive actions,  work should resume on the Forbidden City in exile shortly, as I went to a 75% pay rise. Now that the expense of maintaining the Emperor is considerably reduced. I have even put his fancy boys to work, no longer lounging in the hareem. Now they are scrubbing floors, washing dishes, etc. The Imperial gardeners are due to resume their tasks  in 2 days time. Which is  a real blessing, as the pile of manure  in this current heat is a bit, ummm, uncomfortable..
 All should be in working order in time for our departure to London and then the Ottoman Court in Istanbul.
 Cheers all,
 HRH LOrd Robert, Imperial Absolute Regent, Count, etc.
 

[Michael HR]

Lord Robert,

Sounds like a maximum security twilight home for the permanently bewildered might be the answer. Just get him to sign a power of attorney first and the run like hell... cashing in all policies and assets as you go. It would pay for the harem upkeep and the odd ruble left over to purchase additional members as your court sweeps across Europe .

[Robert_Hall]

Oh, Michael HR, I have had power of attorney for years! The Emperor T'ang-in exile can be a handful, yet it was I who signed the papers to put him away for his own protection and it will be I who represents his interests in the law courts, when that time comes. As their are no other heirs, it will also be myself who assumes the heavy mantle of the Emperor of the T'ang Imperial Court of the Forbidden City, in exile.  As for the Hareem,  the lot are a bunch of lazy lay-abouts and not to my taste.  Since I slashed their food allowance and put them to manual labour, one by one they leave , looking for an alternative position. A street corner seems an odd place for  such a search, but, be that as it may. I have my own "staff" to make up my entourage. Some have been faithful retainers for years, others are newer to the  job Someone has to manage all those bags, after all. And younger muscles come in much more handy for that sort of thing, I think.
 Cheers, HRH Lord Robert, Absolute Regent, etc.

[Janet_W.]

Well, guess that means I can't go work at Lord Robert's hareem.

The GD/GP "Let me entertain you / I'm very ver-si-tile" Janet

[Michael HR]

There is s a quote from the rocky horror picture show that comes to mind

I don't like men with to many muscles

...And younger muscles come in much more handy for that sort of thing, I think.
 Cheers, HRH Lord Robert, Absolute Regent, etc.

[Janet_W.]

Yes, I know the song you're referring to, Michael HR. But I've never thought "Gol-durn it, Janet" really scanned properly . . . .

[Douglas]

Dearest Michael HR and Friends:

That's a great idea.  Let's all put on a show called  "The Rocky Horror Picture Show At The AP ".    We already play the parts,  so it's a natural. 

I just knew there was an important element that was missing from Lord Roberts' life story.  He's finally going to be in showbiz.  Don't wonderful things happen when you get all involved with royalty. 

I mean,  look at what happened to Grace Kelly!  She gave birth to three lovely yet unconventional and eccentric royal children.   So you see, there is a God for sure.  These  spawn have lived such lives as to be an example for all the world to emulate.   I digress.

The show will be just like royal households, we travel the continent and the seven seas. 

Tsar Douglas..............".Eatin chocolate cake from a bag.....you know it ain't easy...
The men from the press said, "We wish you success,
It's good to have the both of you back".

I wrote those lyrics this morning for the show......cool huh?

[Robert_Hall]

Ah, TD, I HAVE been is show business for many years.  When much younger, I was a chorus boy in many shows & acts.  My dancing was recognized as "work of art" As I became older I  got into choreography and wigs.  I tried costume  & shoes, but everyone I did seemed to look the same- Marie Antoinette. Including the men. [little Tommy Cruise did not come out very well from that experience, sadly] Now I collaborate with Dame Edna and together we sponsor new artistes and shows.  WE have launched many very famous stars such as Felix Poporatovichi,. who  obviously has a  different name, professionally for obvious reasons. Olga Tchickaboomskaya and Inge Komoniwannalaya are only 2 of of our other proteges. I also back  top end musical shows. Unfortunately, my judgement is not always good there. Titanic and GWTW sank and went,unfortunately.  Currently, Great Uncle Bulgaria and I are exploring the possibilities of a new musical, on a grand scale of Slobovan Miloslavic and Nikolai Ceausescu. We have a very dramatic and moving ending, but story development is a bit  still a work in progress".
  Alas, the Emperor T'ang-in asylum  has made a futile attempt to escape his confinement. Sadly, the only solution was manacles and ankle chains. He  will be fed-and medicated  intravenously.  I was forced to take these steps, under the circumstances. However, we were able to postone his sentencing until  after we return from our European  sojourn, in January.
 TD, have your buckets of diamonds arrived? The messenger I dispatched is usually quite reliable, but he does have a  tendancy, at times, to stop off at the local taverns  and must sleep  it off before continuing his journey.
  All the best to all,
 HRH, Lord Robert, etc.

[Douglas]

Ah, well, Lord R., your musical comedies are, what shall I say, a bit over the top.  Especially that one about the Romanians.  Hmmm.....I'm not sure that would play well in their capitol city.  I'd have to call about that and find out.  Maybe you could put that on hold for the time being.

Also, yes I have heard these rumors about your household.   Something about people shut  away in basements and ....it's really too much.  Could all of this be 'source material' for your next dramatic extravaganza?  I do tend to put off my investigations when I hear of these things.  I'm sure you have the keys., etc.  You do,  don't you?

Oh about that silver bucket of diamonds.  You know, those sorts of things just slip my mind.  I'm so sorry I just forgot to say a big "Thank you".  I really appreciate it.  But why did you have Dame Edna deliver them?  I even had to invite her for tea.  She is a fright.  Oh my gott.

Tsar Douglas.......light hearted and full of good cheer for all...jolly good of Lord R. and of the gang of royals to....hmmm I forgot what I had in mind.

[Robert_Hall]

TD,  good to see that your diamonds have arrived in decent order. Although there should have  been  TWO buckets.  Yes, Dame Edna can be a pill, but she is usually reliable.
 Now, those nasty rumors about or basement are just that- runours. No one can prove anything, and I am unanimous is in that.  For instance, The Emperor T'ang-in confinement. is in perfectly legal, court sanctioned custody.  I have no one in the Imperial basements , at the moment. But if these dreadful  slurs continue.....
  And yes,  we are having trouble selling the latest production.  A pity, we have a great duet between Slobo & Milo,  We are thinking of re-tooling it to another subject, but dictators are hard to sell.  I designed and had built the sets and costume admit Slobo did look a bit bit odd as MA, but it is theate, after all], had the cast,  built the theatre.  We have thought of Mao & Stalin, , Adolph  & Benito.  but not  really very inspiring, are they? Sir ALW got away with it, I am sure we will come up with a formula, sooner or later.
 Now, about those nasty rumors again-  they are simply not true.  The whips were only used  at will in the most accomodating and consential cionsential of circumstances. I  personally had nothing to do with any incident like that. We do have a certain lady of the Court who does enjoy that sort of proclivity, howebner, perhaps th GD/GP Janet may be interested- if she is into motorcycles.
 Cheers,
 HRH Lord Robert, Absolute Regent and whatever.... If I could turn back time...
 

[Michael HR]

Whips, chains, handcuffs, section orders under the mental health act - that takes me back...