[size=10]I am again overcome by the kindness in that you have paused a moment in your busy schedules to offer your thoughts, and your prayers. I take them with the most treasured thoughts of each of your hearts. Now I know why people say that faith and good people are the best that one could ask for, for nothing can match such sentiments.
As some of you know, for over 15 years I have battled both multiple sclerosis. For almost five years kidney issues. It was initially on the kidney issue, that my health was not watched correctly by my past physicians, and why I ended up on dialysis for a bit over 3 years. The chronic pain is from sensory peripherial neuropathy. [I also have acid reflux] In my case, I burn in my head, back, legs, feet, but most invasive is that in my heels. The burning is like my flesh is raw feeling wise. In the heels it feels as if razor cuts have been slashed on them, and in all places of the burning, it burns almost into the bone. I am not diabetic either. Three years ago, I left dialysis because I felt it would not end well for me. I carefully monitored my health issues, all I ingested, as well making sure my potasium intake was almost nill. My creatinine was 19 when i went into and onto dialysis. They said I could have died right then. But I guess I'm too tough for death to take me yet
When my creatnine went down to 4.2, I left. They told me I would be dead in a day or two. I told them I would live! Today despite their everyday apprehensions, and protests, and lectures that I need dialysis, I tell them that as logn as my labs prove otherwise, and don't go past 7, I intend to fight staying off of it. [Most nephrologists think that anything past 6 automatically places you on dialysis immediately]. I fear greatly [after being on dialysis for those little over three years] that it will be a no win, one way ticket to staying on dialysis. I am o negative, a giver, but can only take my blood type, etc. There was nobody all during that time, and I am told that for most people, a person can stay on dialysis no more than 7 years. I believe what I do, because of what I have endured, and based on all the information given to me to date. I can take these issues kind of, but the fear still gets to me in regards to going on dialysis. I have also been told, I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I feel and see my hands starting to knarl. The pain is starting to be a bit more than bothersome there...
At one time I was on morophine patches, but when I went on dialysis, I stopped cold turkey. I can't even take asprin now. I go weekly for accupuncture, but it only takes a bite of out the pain. My sleep has been altered drastically as well. I usually go to sleep about 11:30p.m., or 12:30p.m., but in about an hour, for some reason, I am awake again, and awake till five or six in the morning. This has been going on over 14 years. The combination of everything pouring in on me is more than stressful, and terribly distressing. I try to keep quiet most of the time, and try not to disturb my family or others. But, sometimes, I reach out to people on the AP website, and confide, or express my issues somewhat. I don't know what else to do, as my health is very complicated, physicians have told me. Even the accupuncturist tells me it is, but they work with me to help me find some solution where possible. Unfortunately western medicine has nothing to offer but pushing pills, and instilling fear into patients.
I don't know how long I can go on, but I am determined to fight for my life, my way, and to reach out to those of you who will not be bothered by my mumblings at times...
and I will not be done in by fear either by physicians who don't know what they are treating, but tell me I have to do it their way. If I had listened to them, I might have been dead already a couple times already, or still living in fear on dialysis. I'm an advocate for over 30 years, and I am savvy enough to know my body well enough.
But, I still reach out to find out 'if' there is any advancement in terms of treating chronic pain w/meds,
without being runious to my internal organs, or remainder of kidney use. That I pray for round the clock.
If you have questions, or want to offer me sage, I don't mind. What I also like, is to read beautiful poetry, look at beautiful scenery of paintings, or pictures of your trips, or exteriors, interiors of beautiful houses of faith. I also read voraciously all of the wonderful stories you offer on your lives, varying personas of history, and of course the Imperial Family. I also sing, and am looking for a pianist to accompany me, so I can go out and offer uplift for others who think there may be no hope.I want you to know, I'm comforted in just being here, and drinking in the spirit, the defining voices that speak of freedoms, and how well we merge together to figure out some issues that have stumped most of human kind. More than anything,you have reminded me with your words and sentiments, that indeed faith, and hope is worth holding on to. I look forward continuing on this board, if i may, for as long as possible.I will look here from time to time, to gain whatever any of you might wish to share or offer. Perhaps it will be of supportive measure for others going through like or similar issues of health.Thank you all again. I hug each of you in dear friendship, and offer each of you God's Blessings !
Tatiana+[/size]
