Ilyala, you bring up a lot of good points with your post. I for one can't stand political correctness and think a lot could be solved if people wouldn't take everyone and everything so seriously. I remember reading a message board about a deaf character from a television show and one of the posters referrred to the character was a deaf person. Another, stating that she consdidered herself very politically correct, said instead of saying "deaf person" you should really say "person who is deaf" or something to that effect. I mean come on. It's just so nitpicky. What's wrong with having an Mrs. in front of your name? If you don't want it, style yourself as Ms. or hey you or whatever. But some people like being married and having that Mrs., so why take that away?
On another note in reference to the n word you spoke up. I'm not black, but from what I understand it's the connotation of the word and how white people traditionally used it that's the problem. With an r at the end of the word it signifies white people demeaning blacks and verbally making them animals. This country went through some horrific times in regard to civil rights and the lack thereof. I live in the south and there are still people alive who remember the lynchings and huge klan marches. And even if they weren't alive they know what happened. We all took the same history classes. For a black person to hear a white person say that word, no matter how it is intended, it says "hey, you're different than me and I could very well hurt you and just the mention of that word shows I have no respect for you". That might not be what the person means at all but that's just the legacy we get from all the slaveowners and klansmen I guess. Basically, as white people we just don't say it. It's respectful to people because you just don't call them names, plus it just sounds ignorant. Now as for the use of the word with an a at the end, which is how it is used by many black people today, many say it's them taking the word and making it their own, so that instead of dumb and lazy it means friend, buddy, etc. I know many people that don't mind white people saying THAT word, but there are still many who don't want anyone of any race using it, saying it's disrespectful and ignorant.
I hope that answers your question in regard to that word. There are many racial slurs used for different groups that are 100% unacceptable to use, but the n word will always be the strongest hate word in America because of all the violence carried out toward those that were called it. Of course some people are going to be offended by everything because they're just uptight, but some things (like race, religion, etc.) are not nitpicky little things. There's a difference between teasing someone for being a dork and teasing someone for being a different race, no matter how jokingly you do it. Basically, whatever is very important to someone, you don't tease them about. That's why some people will deck you if you tell a "your mama" joke. You don't mess with that they consider important or sacred.